I don't want to change myself, but feel unable to fit in with society; what should I do in this dilemma?

Indeed, if the questioner always acts as described in the text, it will be difficult for him to integrate into society. But who wouldn't want to be with someone who is self-righteous, arrogant, and judges his own actions by his own standards?

"Absolute honesty" is like a publicly recognized "amulet" to justify one's own extreme behavior — and it's a powerful one!

"Tonight at the toast at the table, everyone else said something polite, but I didn't want to say anything polite. I felt that some people were being too fake, so when I made the toast, I pointed them out." Normally, the questioner doesn't have to say anything if they don't want to, just as no one is forcing you to say something polite. But not only did the questioner not want to say anything, it seems that they also wanted to "point them out" with their actions, forcing others not to say anything either!

It seems a bit like "I'm not comfortable," and it doesn't make you guys feel "comfortable" either!

"I'm usually a straightforward person who feels the need to speak out about things that everyone else is hiding. I like to be straightforward in my dealings with others and don't want to be the least bit fake." From the text, it seems that the questioner is proud of his "straightforward" character!

However, the feeling that "it feels good to tell everyone's secrets" makes people feel that "making yourself feel good" may be the reason why the questioner "likes to be straightforward." And isn't that a wonderful thing?

"Absolute honesty is the bottom line of my character and the creed of my life." The questioner has placed himself in a very high position, one that is unattainable to others — and he's proud of it!

So, what does the questioner mean by "absolute honesty"? And how do you judge "absolute honesty"?

Use your own standards or those of others? Either way, it's an exciting journey to discover what makes someone honest!

Maybe the questioner has had a life-changing experience and has developed a deep appreciation for honesty! Perhaps the questioner believes that honesty can help him stand firm in the world and be respected, but the reality is that it is very different, which is an opportunity for growth!

If so, why not try throwing away some of that "honesty" and see what happens?

I am absolutely certain that my reply will be of great help to you! Wishing you the very best!

Hello. I am Good Will Hunting, a national second-level psychological counselor.

After carefully reading your account,

You're facing a dilemma. You feel like you're on the brink of losing your place in society, yet you're convinced you can't change yourself. You've made absolute honesty your bottom line and your life's creed, which is a contradiction.

Being honest is a good quality that deserves praise. In real life, you can learn how to put it into practice. Let's take a closer look at how you can integrate into society without changing your belief in being honest.

Let's talk about boundaries. You have the right to decide how you want to behave.

How other people behave is their own business. It's crucial to distinguish clearly between what is our own business and what is other people's business. When it comes to someone else's territory, we can only enter with their permission. This is basic respect for others.

You pointed them out when you were toasting, and your intention was to make them realize that they were not being honest. You should have asked him if he was willing to be told off. You crossed the line by telling him off without his permission. Of course he will throw you out.

I feel uncomfortable when I see dishonest people, and I want to speak up. What should I do?

You can say something, but not in such a public place. Talk to him in private and discuss it with him.

This way, you'll be taking the other person's feelings into account. Tell him in a private setting where only the two of you are. He won't feel as embarrassed and will be able to sense your goodwill.

I think I've made sense of it.

You want to say it, but you have to consider the other person's feelings and choose the right occasion.

Not everyone can accept being criticized by others, and some people just can't take it. Don't waste your energy and cause yourself trouble for people like that.

This is for your reference only. I hope it will be helpful. You are also welcome to leave a comment and ask for advice.

Hello, question asker. I'm happy to answer your question.

From what the questioner says about themselves, it seems like they're a straightforward person who likes to speak their mind. Do you find some hypocritical situations or polite but insincere words unacceptable?

The questioner also said that they believe in being completely honest at all times. So, if someone wants to pry into your privacy, should you also speak your mind? Everyone has their own privacy. Does being completely honest mean that the questioner cannot lie or hide anything?

I'd also like to know when this belief was established. Is it absolutely correct?

What does this view bring to the questioner? Are there any great historical figures who share the same view as the questioner?

What did he do?

Give the questioner a pat on the shoulder and a little encouragement. We're all human beings and we're social creatures.

People around us have individual needs, and groups also have collective needs. It's not always necessary to say everything that's on our minds. Sometimes, what we say can cause harm to others and be unacceptable.

Do we really have to say it directly?

Euphemism is mostly used to create some distance, to avoid direct harm caused by certain words, to prevent the other person from feeling negative emotions, and even from acting irrationally out of anger. From some perspectives, euphemism is a way to protect oneself and others. What are your thoughts on this?

Since this is a platform question, I'll quickly go over why it's important to develop social awareness and how to fit into society.

Think about what people need, both as individuals and as a group.

Everyone needs to be listened to, appreciated, respected, and recognized. Can the questioner realize if he also needs this? If you only consider things from your own perspective, is it a bit too narrow-minded and selfish?

We've been taught to share since childhood. When we were young and playing with others, if a child wanted to play with the toy you were holding but was too shy to ask, they'd just stare at you while playing. At the time, did we notice their need?

Now that we're adults and in the workforce, we have to consider the needs of more people. This includes the needs of family and friends, as well as the needs of colleagues at work. We can help them as much as we can on a voluntary basis.

What are the company's needs as a whole? We're meeting the company's needs when we do our jobs well.

Take a look at yourself.

Why is the questioner prone to conflicts with others, has difficulty finding a job, and encounters obstacles in relationships? What role did they play in these conflicts?

Take a moment to think about your role in these conflicts, what you did, and whether you can find a way to make these past conflicts more gentle and harmonious.

It's important to focus on what you have in common and what you agree on to avoid conflict. If you focus on the things you don't agree on, it can lead to disharmony.

Think about what you have in common with other people. For us, this could mean things like negotiating, compromising, and other activities that lead to more communication and understanding.

It'd be a good idea to brush up on your conflict resolution skills. You could take a class on the topic or spend some time with leaders and mentors who are known for their ability to foster harmony and observe their behavior.

Step outside your comfort zone and be aware of what other people need.

The questioner's creed is "absolute honesty." What are the creeds of others? In addition to satisfying our own needs, should we also be aware of the needs of others and allow others to fulfill their creeds?

It's always nice to let others meet your own needs, but different groups have different requirements. This means stepping outside of our comfort zone and experiencing the diverse cultures and lifestyles of others, which will broaden our minds and our worldview. Meeting the needs of others means that we can also treat others fairly and equally.

Everyone has their own beliefs and ways of thinking. It's basic etiquette to respect other people's needs, habits, and beliefs. This might make the questioner feel uncomfortable, but it's an essential process if you want to integrate into society.

China is huge, with almost all the world's belief systems, different cuisines, and living customs and habits in various regions. The best way to integrate into society is to widen your social circle and embrace a mindset that embraces multiple perspectives.

Try to see things from other people's points of view.

When you get to society and the workplace, you'll need to brush up on your communication skills. If you want to improve them, you need to empathize with others and be committed to exploring and understanding other people's different perspectives.

We can develop empathy by putting ourselves in other people's shoes and trying to see things from their perspective. Not everyone has had the same upbringing as you, and while your family may have encouraged you to speak your mind, many others have not had the same upbringing and often have to watch what they say.

We all have different personalities. Some people are more timid and may be afraid of losing face or being rejected, so they often test the waters when they speak and are polite.

To fit in, you need to be able to empathize with others and understand what they need. This can be tough, so it's good to have a support system in place. With the right help, you'll become more socially responsible and more easily integrate into society.

I hope my answer helps the questioner.

Hello!

It's clear you're in a bit of a pickle! You have your own principles, bottom lines, and life credos, but they might not align with what society expects. You're not interested in changing yourself to fit in, which is totally cool. It just means there's a bit of a conflict in your heart.

But at the same time, you probably also know that society will not change for you, that other people will not change for you, and you probably don't expect other people to change for you either.

The good news is that you can choose to change and integrate into society. It might take some time and effort, but it'll be worth it!

I'm excited to share my views with you!

Guess what! You have the right to change or not to change.

Second, you can choose not to integrate into society. Absolutely! You always have the choice.

Third, if you don't want to change and don't care about not being able to fit in, then just let it go! This is self-consistency.

Take Wei Dongyi, for example. He may seem to many people to need to change, such as in how he dresses, but he obviously doesn't care about his dissonance with ordinary people. He's confident in himself and his choices, and he's not letting anyone else's opinions get in the way of living his life on his own terms!

Self-coherence is all about embracing your unique style and staying true to yourself, even if it might seem a bit unconventional to others. It's about understanding that what makes you special is also perfectly logical in the context of your own story.

I'm also someone who prefers to stay home on social occasions. I'm also quite stubborn. If I don't want to drink, I will resolutely not drink.

But for other people who like to make a scene and persuade others to drink, I think that's their hobby, not something I can control. I can disagree with other people's ways of doing things, but they also have the right to stick to their own ways, and that's great!

So, avoid it when you can!

And now for the best part! I'm going to tell you about personality masks.

This is an amazing concept proposed by Carl Jung! It literally means that we can have different personality masks for different occasions. To put it crudely, it means speaking different languages to different people.

In essence, it's about having the flexibility to respond to different communication scenarios and interpersonal relationships in social interactions without having to change who you are!

There's this amazing book called "Why People Wear Masks Are More Popular." I haven't read it yet, but the title really speaks to me. It's a fantastic approach to navigating disagreements and staying true to your own unique way of doing things.

The reason is simple: we cannot change others, nor can we make society change for us. And we cannot even change ourselves. But here's the good news: we can choose how we react to those situations!

But put on an extra mask to deal with different situations. And protect your most precious, most authentic self!

In fact, we usually have different personality masks, which is instinctive and not acquired. Isn't that fascinating? For example, when a child falls down, there are two faces: one when the mother is there, and the other when the mother is not. There are also two masks when facing the teacher and the parents. We are familiar with personality masks, and they're a great thing!

It is only after the fact that we get to deliberately construct a personality mask, or multiple ones, especially when the outside world conflicts with our inner world.

For you, you have the amazing opportunity to stay true to yourself and stick to your bottom line, then create a mask to deal with various situations.

I really hope it helps!

I am a psychological counselor who is often both Buddhist and depressed, occasionally motivated and positive, and the world and I love you!

Good day.

One might suggest that only doing the things you like, only dealing with the people you like, and staying true to yourself are things that can only be achieved by someone of a very high caliber. This is because it is not something that can be achieved simply by focusing on your own mood and only caring about your own inner feelings. To be worldly without being unworldly, in addition to loving life, you also need a mature mindset.

Tonight, when I proposed a toast at the table, everyone else said something polite, but I felt that some people were being overly formal. I wanted to acknowledge that not everyone was being genuine, so when I proposed the toast, I pointed out that some people were being too polite, which offended a lot of people.

It is not uncommon to encounter such scenes. It often seems that we are expected to show respect and humility when it is not strictly necessary, and we are encouraged to express things that we all know to be true in order to gain recognition and attention from others. It can sometimes feel as though such "courtesy" is useless and somewhat "false". However, it is possible that this perception is based on a misunderstanding. Could it be that courtesy has its own meaning, even if it is not always apparent?

For instance,

As the saying goes, "One family, one language." Mum poured a cup of hot water for Dad and said to him, "Drink it while it's hot."

And her father replied, "Thank you."

The child observed this and wondered why her parents were so formal with each other. She also wondered why a family had to be so polite. When she grew up, she had a partner of her own. Her boyfriend often didn't know how to take care of his health, and sometimes, because he was so diligent at work, he forgot to drink a glass of water. So she learned from her mother and poured him a cup of hot water. He saw this and smiled and said, "Thank you!"

She was momentarily taken aback.

It became evident that "thank you" is not merely an impersonal expression, but also a gesture of gratitude. Gradually, she began to express her appreciation to her partner more frequently.

Like this little girl, when we were young, we didn't quite understand the meaning of the interactions in life, and sometimes we thought it was just a false display. But if we put ourselves in the other person's shoes and assume that we don't know how to express ourselves, how will the other person know what we are thinking? It's like a colleague at the drinking table. Perhaps his "courtesy" is not just to please the boss; it may also be an expression of his attitude. After all, everyone works together in the same company, so there is a humility to avoid friction.

How might I open up and regulate my emotions?

1. It would be beneficial to consider things from multiple dimensions without being extreme.

The true nature of the questioner may reflect sentiments that have been present throughout history. Many people have a desire to do good and to avoid hypocrisy. However, if their personality is always in the forefront, it could potentially limit our ability to view things objectively and comprehensively. It's possible that they may be subjectively influenced by their personality, forming their own stereotypes of things and lacking patience and misjudging things.

In order to avoid such extreme ways of thinking, it would be beneficial to establish a habit of viewing things from a broader perspective, analyzing from multiple angles, and thereby uncovering the essence and seeing the connections between things. At this time, our ability to discern is truly valuable, and we can achieve the result of remaining objective while not misjudging.

2. It might be helpful to consider abandoning absolute thinking and thinking flexibly.

If someone says, "There is nothing good in the world, nothing worth striving for," the first thing the questioner will notice is that this is his pessimistic thinking affecting his ability to view things. Similarly, absolute thinking in life is usually driven by fear, dread, and the desire to control, so it is always caught in absolute thinking.

"I wonder if I might be mistaken, but it seems as though nobody likes me..."

"They can sometimes be a little annoying."

"Why is it that good fortune seems to elude me?"

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following:

Upon closer examination, it becomes evident that there is a recurring theme: the reasons provided are not entirely sufficient. It is understandable that people hold onto their beliefs, but it is also important to consider that they may benefit from a growth-oriented way of thinking.

Has anyone ever told you that they like you? Even a small animal?

Could it be that every action they have taken was done with good intentions?

Perhaps you haven't had the good fortune to experience it. If so, I'd be curious to know how you managed to grow up and who helped you along the way.

Through such an in-depth exploration, we may come to recognize that our thinking has its own patterns and tendencies. Without reflection, it can be challenging to identify the gaps in our thinking.

3. It may be helpful to try to find the good in others and learn to balance yourself.

Perhaps it would be best not to discuss the original poster. When we first enter the social environment, we all bring our own preferences with us. It is therefore understandable that we may initially feel a conflict with our own personality. We may find it challenging to interact with those who have been "polished" by society. Over time, we may develop the habit of picking on others and a resistance to people, thinking that no one can be trusted.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that focusing on the faults of others rather than their strengths may inadvertently highlight what we perceive as the "evil" of human nature. It's possible that this perception is derived from our imagination and may not be entirely accurate. Sometimes, it's not necessary to verify these perceptions because they may not be worth pursuing. If we want to grow ourselves, it might be beneficial to shift our focus from the faults of others to their strengths. Instead of focusing on what we perceive as their shortcomings, we could look for ways to learn from them and appreciate their unique qualities. This approach could help us develop greater tolerance and a more open heart. With this mindset, we can interact with a diverse range of individuals and potentially benefit from their unique perspectives. If we feel comfortable, we could even develop close friendships with them.

I wish you the best of luck!

I have completed my perusal of your account. While honesty is your guiding principle, you are not at liberty to impose it upon others.

One can be honest, but it is unreasonable to expect others to be honest in the same manner or to exhibit the same degree of straightforwardness. This is the fundamental point. Even if one believes oneself to be straightforward, it is not necessarily the case that the honesty one displays is genuinely honest.

The issue is not whether one is honest, whether one tells the truth, or whether one speaks directly. This is even the case when one observes others in one's immediate vicinity.

You engage in social interaction, employing polite verbal and physical gestures, and then proceed to highlight your observations.

This is an example of cognitive paranoia. It is not related to the belief in communication that you uphold, which is to speak honestly and without beating around the bush.

It is therefore necessary to modify this kind of cognitive bias. The question then arises as to why it is assumed that others should be as straightforward as the subject in question.

Furthermore, one must expose the hypocritical facades of others. Is one attempting to alter the established rules of conduct for others?

One might inquire whether anyone has altered the established parameters of conduct. In the absence of such modifications, it is perplexing why one would feel compelled to assertively highlight the perceived shortcomings of others.

Do you believe that your own thoughts and behaviors are the sole determinants of your identity, and that you have the power to influence the thoughts and behaviors of others?

As evidenced by the social interaction at the dinner party, one's social logic and beliefs can be incorporated appropriately; however, in this case, the individual in question demonstrated a lack of emotional intelligence.

One fails to grasp the fundamental principle of refraining from striking others in the face and, as a result, strikes someone in the face, thereby disrupting the social dynamic. In essence, it is impossible to engage in social interaction if one lacks the capacity to adhere to basic social norms.

There is no inherent contradiction between the desire to be an honest person and the capacity to be straightforward. Indeed, an individual who is honest and speaks frankly can also be highly sociable.

Moreover, they are highly proficient communicators.