I don't want to overthink someone's words and waste my time. How can I believe in myself?

Good day, Sir. I hope my response proves useful to you.

It is not uncommon for individuals to discuss others, particularly those in their immediate circle. However, the crux of the matter is not whether others will discuss you, but that you seem to be concerned about their opinion of you. This concern stems from an underlying desire for external validation and approval.

This is due to a projection effect in psychology, whereby we project our feelings and thoughts onto others. When we do not approve of ourselves and do not like ourselves enough, we believe that others will also disapprove of us and dislike us. There is a psychological law that states:

When something is missing inside us, we tend to look for it outside. When you feel a lack of recognition, you may seek it from others. However, the outside world is not always stable. It is unlikely that you will always receive positive feedback, and it is also unlikely that others will always understand and accept you completely. As you cannot control other people's thoughts and actions, this can cause anxiety and worry, and you may become overly concerned about what others think of you. Sometimes, you may even suppress your own needs in order to please others and gain their approval.

However, this is not necessarily a positive situation, as others may not always be satisfied with you in every way and may not offer praise consistently. As a result, it can be challenging to alleviate anxiety.

It is therefore necessary to look inward to identify areas for improvement. If the issue is recognition, it is important to learn to recognize oneself. The same applies to understanding and care.

When you accept and love yourself enough, you will find that your inner world will become more stable and harmonious. At this time, due to the projection effect, you will be less concerned with the opinions of others, as you will have already achieved self-acceptance.

In light of the above, I would like to offer the following advice:

It would be beneficial to observe the impact of the "spotlight effect" on your own behaviour.

The term "spotlight effect" is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when individuals unintentionally exaggerate their own problems. To illustrate, consider a scenario where you confidently attend a party, dressed neatly and looking refreshed. However, due to the breeze, your hair is slightly disheveled.

As you approach the entrance, you notice a mirror. Upon reflection, you realize your attire is disheveled and your hair is disheveled as well. You suddenly feel the scrutiny of others as you become aware of their whispers about your "unlucky appearance."

You are experiencing a heightened level of anxiety, despite not having any reason to be. This phenomenon is known as the "spotlight effect," and it is a common occurrence in psychology.

The spotlight effect occurs when the level of attention we receive from others is higher than what is actually the case. When applied to people, this effect means that we tend to overestimate the significance of our actions, appearance, and emotions in the eyes of others.

The "spotlight effect" is the reason you feel nervous when talking to other people. You believe that other people are paying special attention to your every move. When talking to other people, you feel as though you are under a spotlight, which causes you to become nervous.

It is important to remember, however, that we are not the center of other people's attention, and therefore we should not concern ourselves with their opinions. Instead, we should focus on being ourselves and doing our best in our professional roles.

It is important to understand that the more you can be true to yourself, the more relaxed and comfortable you will feel. People who like you will like, accept, and support you regardless of your actions or appearance. However, people who do not like you will still disapprove of you and will not support you, even if you change your behavior. It is not possible to gain approval from everyone, but you can be the person you want to be. As you become more aligned with your true self, you will feel more confident and satisfied.

It is important to treat other people's comments with respect and engage in selective socializing.

How should we respond to feedback from others?

We are all individuals with our own unique set of values and standards.

When others meet our evaluation standards, we are inclined to like, recognize, and support them. Conversely, when others do not meet our evaluation standards, we are more likely to dislike, deny, and doubt them.

Conversely, when we meet the other person's evaluation criteria, they will approve of us; when we do not meet the other person's evaluation criteria, they will disapprove of us.

It is not as crucial to ascertain whether the other party acknowledges your presence as it is to ascertain whether you align with their evaluation criteria. However, it is not feasible to control the thoughts and actions of others. It is not always possible to align with everyone's evaluation criteria, nor is it necessary to do so.

Life presents challenges to all of us, and we each have different needs and different roles. There is no need to try to live up to other people's standards or to insist that others meet your own standards. There is no need to seek others' understanding and approval in every situation.

It is not necessary to sacrifice oneself in order to gain the approval of others, nor is it necessary to do so in order to maintain relationships. It is important to understand that whether one is liked or disliked is not a significant factor in determining one's self-worth. The crucial aspect is one's ability to accept the fact that one is liked and disliked at the same time.

It is important to remember that we do not live to satisfy other people's expectations. Constantly seeking approval from others and caring about what they think can lead to a life that is not truly our own. If we hope too much to be recognized by others, we may end up living our lives according to their expectations and losing sight of who we really are. This can cause difficulties in our lives because it is not the life we truly want.

It is essential to reassert control over your own judgment. You can treat yourself as an impartial observer and evaluate your performance with comprehensive, objective, and truthful criteria. This approach allows you to gain a deeper understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. Additionally, it enables you to prioritize your own needs and make decisions based on your self-assessment, rather than relying solely on external opinions.

When you prioritize your own needs and live authentically, you will find that your relationships are enhanced. Those "bad relationships" that you have cultivated by prioritizing the needs of others will no longer be a source of distress.

It is important to engage in selective socializing.

It is important to note that social interaction is a fundamental human need. Socializing can provide a sense of belonging and security, but it is essential to be selective about the individuals with whom one engages in social activities. It is inadvisable to socialize with individuals who constantly negate and discourage one's sense of self, as this can cause significant distress. Instead, it is beneficial to socialize with individuals who consistently offer encouragement and support, as this can foster a sense of care and support in social interactions.

If socializing causes you stress, adjust the frequency of socializing until it suits you. Do not force yourself to socialize when you are not ready. Learn to take care of your own feelings.

Strengthen self-confidence and a sense of security.

Confidence is derived from strength and hard work. When we become the person we aspire to be through our own efforts, we will become more and more confident and feel more and more secure.

By setting appropriate goals and working towards their achievement in a systematic manner, individuals can enhance their abilities, accumulate knowledge, and gain valuable experience. This process leads to increased feelings of security, a greater sense of control over one's life, and a natural boost in confidence.

Appropriate goals are those of moderate difficulty, which can be reached by taking incremental steps. If the goal is too small, it may not provide sufficient challenge, leading to boredom and a lack of motivation to achieve it. Conversely, if the goal is too big, it may be overwhelming and result in a lack of confidence. Moderate-intensity goals are the most motivating, as they provide a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence when met.

As an example, if your current walking level is 4,000 steps per day, then set your daily goal at 4,500-5,000 steps, rather than less than 4,000 or as high as 10,000.

When establishing goals that align with one's abilities, it is crucial to persevere in taking action. Only through action can one overcome challenges and truly recognize their value.

When you are internally harmonious, stable, down-to-earth, and confident, you will be less susceptible to skepticism and the influence of external opinions.

Best regards,