I don't want to work in my hometown and don't want to be disturbed. What should I do?

Good day, question asker. I am Chen Xiaobin, a listening coach.

It would be interesting to know whether this feeling of social anxiety is experienced to the same extent when one is working outside the home, or whether it is significantly reduced.

In the event that the social anxiety persists at a similar intensity, it may be beneficial to consider strategies for addressing it more effectively.

It can be posited that the sense of social anxiety may dissipate when one encounters individuals with whom they can discuss common topics. Consequently, it can be surmised that social anxiety may arise in conjunction with the situation. As long as it does not impinge upon one's fundamental life and work, it is meaningful to exist appropriately. At certain times, it can even elicit feelings of sincerity.

Should the situation deteriorate upon your return to your hometown and you are compelled to interact with former acquaintances, including friends, classmates, teachers, and family members, it may be indicative of a more complex underlying issue. Could there be a discrepancy between your outward persona and your inner state or reality?

Alternatively, the cause may be peer pressure, a sense of inferiority due to the perception that one's current situation is less favorable than others, a belief that one's achievements are inadequate to meet the expectations of authority figures, and a desire to avoid social interaction.

In small communities, interpersonal relationships can be particularly intimate, which may result in a sense of limited space and boundaries in social interactions. The pressure you describe, which arises among close individuals, is understandable. Following the preferences of others can be uncomfortable, and refusing them can be perceived as impolite. This is a fundamental aspect of human nature: we often lack the courage to be disliked.

It is evident that humans are social creatures. In ancient times, not fitting in could have resulted in a significant difference in one's life expectancy.

One may attempt to express genuine sentiments and opinions in one's daily life. Additionally, it is possible to politely decline situations or requests that are not aligned with one's preferences. Currently, one's parents may not require immediate assistance, and there is an opportunity to find solace and stability in a nearby city. It is essential to prioritize one's own well-being before extending support to others.

In the event that this situation has an impact on your daily life or professional activities, you may wish to consult the resources available on the platform, which are designed to provide support in such circumstances.

The information presented is also based on limited data, and the directions provided are for reference only. Should any inaccuracy be identified, it would be greatly appreciated if you could bring it to my attention.

Sincerely,

Thank you so much for your kind invitation! Hello!

We're so used to living outside that we'd really love to stay here!

It's so true! Even with people you know well, your views and ideas can end up being quite different over time.

Going back would mean having to play by the rules of the acquaintance society, which we'd really rather not do!

After all, you see each other all the time, and you have to greet too many acquaintances when you meet, which can get a little overwhelming!

In my hometown, in addition to classmates and teachers, there are also all kinds of elders. It's a lovely thing that you have to greet them when you meet, and if you meet an elder, you get to listen to their wise words.

Even if their views are completely different from ours, it's always nice to respond with kindness. If you ignore it, you might find yourself with something to talk about!

It can be a bit awkward to respond, but it leaves a great impression!

And because they're so familiar with each other, most things are mutually beneficial.

It's really not necessary for them to argue over their different opinions. It can be a bit uncomfortable to listen to their opinions and disagree with them, but that's okay!

In this case, it might feel like we're going against our hearts.

It's totally normal for us to want to escape sometimes. We all deserve to live a happy, comfortable life, right?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not going back in order not to be disturbed.

We all do things that make other people uncomfortable sometimes, but we also want to be liked, right?

My dear friend, we can only live better lives if we follow our hearts.

Wishing you all the best!

Good day. I will provide you with a 360-degree hug.

From your question, it seems that you currently don't work in your hometown and don't go home often. As your title suggests, you have chosen to live elsewhere and to avoid being disturbed. The likelihood of encountering acquaintances in a foreign place is probably very low. If an acquaintance contacts you, for example, it may be more challenging for you, but there are always ways to decline a meeting. Unless you choose to be disturbed under external pressure.

In other words, if you do not wish to work in your hometown and do not wish to be disturbed, you have the option of doing so. It seems that you have already achieved this to some extent, as evidenced by your decision not to work in your hometown and your desire to avoid disturbances.

Naturally, you will likely be required to return during the New Year and other holidays. During this time, you may find yourself immersed in the enthusiastic greetings of your relatives. Frequently, we are compelled to interact with these individuals for the sake of our parents' reputation. Ultimately, parents must navigate these environments, and in smaller communities, people are more susceptible to external influences and prioritize maintaining their reputation.

My strategy for this is to join in if I can't beat them, to strike first and defeat magic with magic. In short, it means being more inquisitive than they are.

Naturally, individual circumstances vary. I am adept at adapting my approach to suit different situations. A colleague once observed that I interact with people in a way that reflects my perception of their relationship with me. In practice, I am highly introverted and prefer to work independently.

That digresses somewhat from the matter at hand. Let us return to the question at the forefront.

After reviewing your inquiry, I would like to inquire as to your desired outcome.

It appears that you do not work in your hometown and prefer not to be disturbed. You only return for the New Year's holiday and are not inclined to socialize. In such instances, it would be beneficial to remember to smile more. At most, you may be privately informed by your seven aunts and eight uncles that you have become overly invested in your work. As long as you are not concerned about such remarks, you can simply disregard them.

Please clarify your objective and the rationale behind your inquiry.

Please clarify what type of answer you are seeking.

Your question does not provide sufficient clarity. You indicated that you relocated from your hometown due to a desire to avoid trivial matters.

It is insufficient to merely express a lack of interest; it is also necessary to identify your desired outcome.

I am unable to provide any valuable answers. You will have to determine your own needs and objectives.

I am frequently both Buddhist and pessimistic, occasionally motivated and positive, and I embrace the world with gratitude.

Hello, question asker! I'm therapist Chen Xiaobin, and I'm here to help.

Tell me, does this feeling of social fear feel as intense when you are working outside? Or does it diminish a lot?

If the social phobia feels as intense, you must face it head on.

I am convinced that when we meet friends with whom we can exchange ideas on common topics, this sense of social anxiety disappears. Therefore, I believe that social anxiety sometimes arises along with it. As long as it does not affect your basic life and work, it makes sense to exist appropriately. At certain times, it can even make people feel sincere.

If it intensifies when you return to your hometown and have to face old friends, classmates, teachers, family members, etc., it's not just social anxiety. Is there something you don't want others to know about your inner state or on a practical level?

Peer pressure is another factor. It can manifest as a sense of inferiority, a feeling that your current situation is not as good as others', or a desire to hide from the world.

In my hometown, especially in small places, people's relationships can sometimes be too close, which can make people feel like there is a lack of space and a sense of boundaries in their social interactions. I understand the kind of pressure you're talking about, which is generated among close friends. Following others can make you feel uncomfortable, and refusing others can be considered impolite. This is just human nature. We lack the courage to be disliked.

People are social animals. In ancient times, not fitting in meant certain death.

My information is based on limited data, and the advice provided is for reference only. If any information is inaccurate, please let me know.

Best regards!

It is important to recognise that each individual is unique. We all have our own interests and hobbies, and we each have our own choices. Our goals are clear, and we act with strength in pursuit of them.

Firstly, it must be acknowledged that the individual has the right to choose. Regardless of whether the individual decides to remain in their hometown or relocate, they are the primary agent in shaping their own life. Secondly, it is essential to recognise the necessity of a benchmark to assess one's aspirations, the potential for attainment, and

What are your future aspirations? What can you realistically expect to achieve?

One must consider which environment will be more conducive to achieving one's aspirations and whether these aspirations can be fulfilled in the near future. These aspirations and needs are what one strives for with sincerity. Only by doing so can one move forward without regret while making one's own decisions, and only in this way can one ensure a more meaningful future.

Secondly, the people in your hometown represent the ties that you relied on to grow up with your family. The primary concern about returning is that you are afraid of being disturbed. In the new city, you will also encounter people or things directly or indirectly over time. If you remain in this location for another ten years, will there still be people or things that disrupt your life? At that time, it may not be as feasible for us to leave as it is now.

It is a common aspiration to improve oneself, to become a source of pride for one's parents, and to lead a life that others admire. However, it is important to recognise that nobody is perfect. It is therefore unhelpful to concern oneself with the opinions of others. Instead, it is more beneficial to examine oneself with kindness, to smile at others, and to use one's own efforts to build a happy life for oneself and one's family. At the same time, it is valuable to try one's best to help others. This is an example of excellence in the ordinary, and it is even more admirable when one is among millions of ordinary people. It is therefore worthwhile to consider joining us and using an ordinary life to write an extraordinary one.

Dear host, I hope my response will be of some assistance to you.

Upon reading your description, I realized that we share many similarities. I also dislike being disturbed by acquaintances and prefer not to engage in trivial matters. Consequently, when I took the college entrance exam and selected my major, I opted for cities in Hunan that were not in the province's capital. However, I did not want to venture too far from home, so I chose cities in Hubei and Jiangxi that were in close proximity to Changsha.

Subsequently, my husband and I relocated to Zhejiang. Over time, I have experienced a notable degree of contentment. However, I have observed an intriguing phenomenon. Currently, even when I return to my hometown and interact with my former educators, classmates, and acquaintances, I no longer exhibit the same level of apprehension. I am also investigating the underlying reasons for this transformation.

Through sustained awareness and reflection, I have come to recognize that I have attained a greater sense of inner strength and have largely overcome my initial apprehension in the face of their comments.

During my childhood, I exhibited a pronounced shyness and introversion. While my peers engaged in outdoor activities, I preferred solitary pursuits such as reading and writing. I believed that this would enhance my sense of well-being and contentment. However, my neighbors frequently commented on my behavior, both positively and negatively, even when I was physically present.

However, due to my personality, I never responded to anything, and my mother typically spoke on my behalf.

As a result, I suppressed a significant portion of my emotional and experiential repertoire during my formative years. I did not express my emotions and feelings to my family and friends in person. At times, I experienced profound distress, yet I persevered. Due to my reservations about social interaction, I am particularly apprehensive about attending large family gatherings, such as wedding celebrations and family birthday parties.

In addition to greeting each elder, one must also muster the courage to engage in conversation with them. This can be particularly challenging for introverts, who often find such social interactions exhausting.

On occasion, however, they would remark, "Did you call me? It felt like a mosquito buzzing around," which only served to exacerbate my shyness.

It is possible that these experiences contributed to my perception that social interaction was inherently exhausting and futile. Consequently, I may have subconsciously sought to establish my own personal space, which I was able to do through my decision to pursue employment after completing my university studies.

However, I was surprised to find that upon returning home recently, I was no longer as fearful or reserved when interacting with them. I even sought out opportunities to engage with them, to ascertain their needs and to interact with them on a deeper level.

As a result of increased confidence and inner strength, I am now better equipped to handle their varied comments. Instead of being deterred, I utilize these comments to gain deeper insights into their perspectives and my own.

Indeed, the manner in which an individual speaks about another person reflects their own inner needs. To illustrate, one of my relatives consistently assesses others based on their financial status. During our conversations, they frequently inquire about my potential for earning income.

In those years, when I was a full-time mother at home and had not yet earned a single penny through my own efforts, he would inform others that the books I read were useless and would not earn me any money. In the past, when I heard him make such comments about me, I would become angry. However, I have since reached a state of peace, as I am now aware of my own ability to judge the usefulness of the books I read. I also understand that the reason he made such comments is because he has always measured success in terms of money, which reflects his own inner world. I no longer allow myself to become angry as a result of his limited perception.

In this manner, I am gradually able to accept the opinions of others, as I have accepted my own imperfect self. Furthermore, I am aware that there is no obligation to engage in social activities that leave me feeling depleted. Individuals have the autonomy to choose their social circles. For introverts like myself, socializing can be a significant drain on energy, which is why it is crucial to prioritize selecting compatible social partners.

It is essential to select individuals who can provide encouragement and support during social interactions. When there is a comfortable rapport, these individuals can offer strength and warmth.

From my experience, choosing not to work in one's hometown can indeed create a more tranquil environment, but at the same time, one is also faced with the question of whether one can be self-sufficient in an unfamiliar place. If one is able to accept the consequences of one's choice, then there is no problem with choosing not to work in one's hometown. Although one does not work in one's hometown, one can still maintain contact with the people one wishes to remain in contact with there and feel their love and support.

As an illustration, prior to the pandemic, I would return home two or three times a year. Upon each visit, I would cease all other activities and prioritize spending time with my parents, brother and sister-in-law, nephews and nieces, grandmother, and maternal grandmother. If time permitted, I would also visit other relatives' homes to greet them or extend invitations to uncles, aunts, and cousins to have dinner together and catch up. Additionally, I would seek out former teachers who had provided significant guidance to see how they were faring and engage in discussions about the past and present. If there were still opportunities remaining, I would seek out close friends to socialize and share a late-night snack. These interactions, despite their brevity, have often proven to be more profound than those with individuals who reside at home on a daily basis. Those who know one is rarely home and may not be able to return often will often save their best offerings for the visitor, such as my aunt's white chili peppers, my aunt's handmade tea leaves, and my grandmother's herbal tea.

This evokes a sense of their distinctive love and care. Consequently, despite my physical absence from home, I frequently experience the affection and assistance of family and friends who genuinely care about me.

As a result of this love and support, I am able to feel at ease, secure, and happy regardless of my circumstances.

Therefore, at this time, it is unlikely that there would be any issues if I were to return home. When the appropriate moment arises, I may choose to relocate there to further my career. Ultimately, when one has a sense of security and stability, regardless of one's circumstances, one can achieve a sense of ease and contentment.

It is therefore recommended that one should endeavour to fortify one's inner strength, select individuals with whom to spend more time who offer support and care, learn to contextualise the comments of others in an appropriate manner, and strive to be at ease with one's own identity.

I wish you the utmost success and best wishes for the future.

Hello! I know the thought of having to choose between the two can be scary and make you feel like an outsider.

I believe that a person's feelings are the most important thing. Think about it: if there were no feelings, then it would be possible to do anything, anything at all. So why do people feel pain, anguish, sadness, and happiness?

You're living well and comfortably in a foreign land, but everything about your hometown makes you feel uncomfortable. You ask, "What is wrong?"

Let me be clear: if you are standing in a pile of dog shit and you have managed to avoid it and stay away from the stench, someone will tell you that you shouldn't have done that because it is the dog shit from your hometown, the place where you were born and raised.

My dear, you need to ask yourself: who is the one with the problem?

You are in a foreign country, far away from your family. They are putting you under pressure, right? What if you could solve these problems back home, but only at the cost of giving up your current comfortable life?

There is a way to have the best of both worlds.

The answer is yes. The process may be difficult, but it is possible.

You have to put in the thinking and effort if you want the best of both worlds.

I am confident that my response will be helpful!

Greetings.

"I am disinclined to pursue employment opportunities in my hometown due to the potential for disruption. What recommendations can you provide?"

It can be observed that the true source of rejection and refusal to return is not the hometown itself, but rather the atmosphere and environment surrounding it. This atmosphere can create a sense of oppression and discomfort, similar to the experience of anxiety and physical discomfort that may arise just before an exam. This phenomenon can be understood as a manifestation of avoidance and avoidance behaviors. To address this issue, it is essential to identify and address the underlying causes of avoidance in the heart.

At this juncture, it would be beneficial to pose a few questions to assist in recalling and discerning one's authentic sentiments. This approach can facilitate the identification of one's genuine inner aspirations and motivations.

1. What are the most intense emotions that you recall from your past experiences? What are the fundamental doubts that you have?

2. To what extent am I satisfied with my life? If my level of satisfaction is below the desired threshold, which aspects of my life are the primary sources of dissatisfaction?

In answering the question truthfully, one can undertake a process of self-reflection to identify the underlying issues that contribute to feelings of inner anxiety. Individuals who possess the capacity to address and resolve the challenges they encounter in life tend to exhibit a sense of emotional stability and confidence. However, it is only when we perceive a lack of control over our circumstances or experience fluctuations in our emotions that we become aware of the anxiety that arises from our subconscious.

Indeed, this is the case. One would not create an imaginary adversary to trouble oneself for no reason. Although real-life relationships are not always as one would like them to be, most situations do not cause significant distress. As long as one maintains a normal attitude toward oneself, one can usually navigate the situation smoothly. However, if real relationships elicit more feelings of depression than pleasure, one can indeed choose another more comfortable option to avoid the environment that troubles one. Whether a problem becomes a problem or not depends mainly on one's own actions and perceptions, not on the actions or perceptions of others.

Therefore, a more profound comprehension and awareness of one's intrinsic nature represents the crux of this problem-solving process. It is imperative to discern one's authentic inner aspirations and then to make a deliberate decision. At this juncture, the likelihood of hesitation and remorse is significantly diminished.

1. Identify the source of your emotions and then disassociate yourself from them.

As previously stated, the questioner's reluctance to return to his hometown can be attributed to an aversion to navigating complex interpersonal dynamics or if there are other underlying symbolic implications associated with this decision. This is a crucial aspect that necessitates the questioner's contemplation. By discerning the genuine source of the emotion, the discomfort associated with the concept of "hometown" can be effectively addressed, enabling a more authentic engagement with one's inner self and a genuine alignment with one's personal values.

2. Enhance self-assurance.

Many individuals hold erroneous beliefs about confidence, presuming that only those who have accomplished something can genuinely exude confidence. In reality, anyone can lead a confident life without succumbing to the apprehensions of others. Each person possesses unique strengths. Given that everyone is a distinctive entity, there is no necessity to feel inferior due to the strengths of others. Instead, it is prudent to focus on one's own strengths, cultivate self-appreciation, and in doing so, one may gain a fresh perspective on the world and perceive more beauty in it.

3. It is essential to maintain a tranquil state of mind and eliminate superfluous distractions.

Our emotions are prone to being released outwardly because we pay excessive attention to a multitude of factors that are detrimental to us, which makes it challenging to maintain a sense of equilibrium. This often results in inner tension and unease. In interpersonal relationships, we are also frequently troubled by uncertain and ambiguous information, which can lead to a buildup of emotional tension. However, upon reflection, we may realize that among the negative factors that interfere with our well-being, there is only a limited amount of genuinely valuable and helpful information. This underscores the importance of learning to discern between what is truly essential and what is merely a hindrance. Not every external stimulus is worthy of a response. Emotions require a filter to distinguish between what is relevant and what is not, allowing them to remain healthy and enabling us to maintain a sense of composure. This allows us to focus more on the present and plan for the future.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, question asker! I'm Jia'ao, and I'm here to help!

I totally get you! I can see the problems and confusion you described on the platform, and I understand you very well because I have had similar experiences. Introverts are actually very afraid of dealing with people, especially having to exchange pleasantries and small talk with acquaintances.

You say you don't really want to work in your hometown, you don't want to be disturbed, and you're afraid of running into acquaintances. Do you think you're a little socially anxious? I'm here to help you overcome your fears! Why are you afraid of contacting them?

I have a few suggestions for your situation that I think you'll find really helpful!

1. Learn to be self-aware!

You've made the great decision to leave your hometown! You don't want to go back to work there, you don't want to be disturbed, and you don't want to deal with acquaintances. What do you think is the reason behind this? Is it because you don't feel good enough, as you mentioned?

Or is it because you are an introvert, and you are afraid of trouble and don't like interpersonal interactions?

The good news is that you can overcome your fear of returning to your hometown and meeting acquaintances! There are many reasons why you might feel this way, including not doing well in the outside world, fear of being looked down upon, fear of losing face, and fear of sarcastic comments. Lack of self-confidence and social phobia can also play a role. The first step is to reflect on your reasons and then take action!

Embrace yourself!

This is actually largely a problem with your mindset. You feel that you are not good enough and are afraid of others comparing you to others. In fact, this also reflects that you project your own emotions and will onto others, thinking that if you don't feel good enough, others will think you are not good enough too. But you can change this! How do you know what other people think? It all comes from how you view yourself from the inside.

You must learn to accept the real you! It doesn't matter if you're working outside or back home, as long as you work hard and earn money with your real abilities, there's no shame in that! You might not have earned a lot of money or become very successful yet, but that doesn't mean you won't in the future. Why do you feel other people look down on you? It's mainly because you don't accept yourself enough. But you can change that!

3. Learn to regulate yourself. It's time to take control of your life!

Don't pay too much attention to yourself — you've got better things to do!

Don't always feel like the center of attention, and don't feel like everyone is looking at you. You've got this! You can do anything right! You can say anything right! You can do anything well! You can hold your head up in front of anyone! You're going to be great at dealing with people!

And remember, maintain a normal attitude as appropriate!

The more you interact with people, the more you should relax and enjoy the company of your fellow humans! Just do your part, work hard, live a good life, and live your own wonderful life, so that the people back home will be proud of you!

Let's keep building your self-confidence!

The more introverted and socially anxious you are, the more you need to boost your self-confidence, become self-reliant and self-empowered as soon as possible, overcome your inferiority complex, and become stronger! Don't be afraid to go back to your hometown because you haven't earned any money or don't have a good job yet, don't meet acquaintances, and don't dare to talk to them. Going back to your hometown is your right, so seize the opportunity and make the most of it!

Be true to yourself and persevere!

You've got this! That saying, "Let others talk about your own path!" is for you. In the future, you're going to view this issue with a more peaceful state of mind. You're going to work hard to live your own life, work hard to achieve the success you want, work hard to gain the happiness you want, and remember that the protagonist of your life is only you.

I really hope my answer helps! The world and I love you ♥

Good morning, my name is Dapeng.

What, then, does the reluctance to return to one's hometown and to interact with former acquaintances and friends actually reflect? It may be argued that this reluctance reflects an unwillingness to accept one's past experiences.

"However, I have an excessive number of acquaintances. Why do I fear contact with them? Perhaps it is because I am insecure and believe that I am not as competent as others.

"Indeed, the rationale has already been elucidated. Due to past experiences where performance was inadequate, a self-defeating belief has been internalized, namely that "I am not good enough." Consequently, when confronted with similar circumstances, apprehension and avoidance ensue.

Let us initially examine the assumption that "I am not good enough." This kind of assessment frequently originates from parents or educators, rather than from the individual in question. What constitutes genuine goodness?

In any given class, there will inevitably be individuals positioned at either end of the spectrum in terms of academic performance. Despite this, they often exhibit a remarkable capacity for emotional detachment and a tendency to foster positive relationships with others.

It is erroneous to assume that a student's academic performance is an accurate reflection of their character. A student's grades may not align with their perceived abilities, but this does not imply that they are inherently flawed. Conversely, if a student associates their perceived shortcomings with their overall self-worth, it can lead to significant distress.

Other students may perceive the situation as a single entity, and if they also identify their strengths in other domains, they may be less concerned about their grades.

I inquire as to whether, by stating these ideas, I have facilitated greater self-awareness and acceptance in you. Initially, it is essential to accept oneself while maintaining awareness. Additionally, it is beneficial to identify and acknowledge one's strengths and characteristics, which can provide a more comprehensive understanding of oneself.

Subsequently, one should endeavor to implement incremental alterations. It is possible to contact any individual, and one may opt to return to one's hometown or not; this is one of the available options.

My name is Dapeng, and it is my hope that the following response will prove to be of some assistance.