8715
45
33
By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello, host! I am sad and sorry for you after reading your story and learning of your experiences.
As a child, you needed your family to provide you with love and warmth. Instead, you experienced your parents' divorce.
Your mother tried to cut you off when you needed her the most.
Your own mother completely ignored your feelings and existence for her own sake.
These things that happen in your life will make anyone feel suspicious, distrustful, and angry towards others.
When something happens later in life that makes you hate yourself, anger will arise.
As you said, the evil in human nature is aroused, and this is a normal phenomenon.
When this emotion arises, your reason will not allow you to show this anger in front of others. You know you should be a good person, so you don't.
Your rational mind may choose to be a good person, but this does not make you a good person. You have an evil side!
When your feelings choose to be a real person, you are afraid to show what you perceive as evil in front of others. This is a natural response, but it is not the truth. You are not evil. You are a good person.
This is in direct conflict with your desire to be a kind person!
This is my analysis of your question. Next, I will give my views and suggestions on your question from the following aspects:
1. Understand and recognize your own "evil" correctly.
During the course of everyone's development, memories from childhood or adolescence influence behavior patterns that last a lifetime. For example, you said at the beginning that when you were little, you always thought of yourself as a particularly kind person.
You will use this behavior pattern to demand more of yourself in the future.
This pattern of behavior is causing problems in your life and conflict within you, and you are feeling very uncomfortable.
Let's start discussing what you call kindness.
From your story, it is clear that you believe kindness means helping others, treating others well, not taking out your bad mood on others, and not causing harm to others.
All your actions are based on this kindness, aren't they?
Your pattern of kind behavior involves two subjects: yourself and others.
You feel bad because you've chosen to be kind to others at the expense of being kind to yourself.
You are trading kindness to yourself for kindness to others.
You think the "evil" inside you is running out. It wants you to see that you need to be treated kindly and understood and cared for.
This does not make you a bad person.
Show it if you want, it won't make you a bad person!
From what I can see here, I am certain that you realize that the so-called evil within you is there to help you. It is your inner true feelings towards the people and things you encounter. It is an emotional response from us!
2. Accept "evil"—don't try to control it.
You say you have been controlling your anger.
I am going to tell you something important: controlling your emotions will trap you in a state of emotion. It will make you more and more irritable and grumpy.
As I stated in point 1, when we recognize the emergence of emotions, they are there to remind us.
We must see it, accept it, and see what it wants us to see.
You must make yourself aware of your inner feelings.
For example, when your auntie says on QQ that you are sick and you exaggerate the truth, you feel angry. But you can discover that deep down inside you also feel aggrieved, yearn for attention, and desire to be understood. These are the factors that trigger your anger.
They provoke emotions because you need them.
Let me be clear: in your past life, you did not receive enough attention, understanding, and love from within.
3. Activate the self-care mode.
You must be asking yourself how you can make yourself feel these feelings again.
Let me be clear: when we are very young, these needs are met by the people who raise us.
We must give ourselves more care and attention after our inner needs were not met at that stage, apart from some care from those who care about us.
This is self-care. It's a process of self-acceptance.
Self-care is a mode of treating oneself and others.
It is a long process that requires us to see and accept ourselves.
Use the resources around you to help you!
Asking a question on the Yi Xinli platform like you have now shows you're already exploring and caring for yourself.
You will find a way to care for yourself that suits you.
You can and you will face your inner self bravely, show an authentic self, and start your own path to happiness.
I am confident that my answer has been helpful.
Best of luck!
March 7, 2022
Helpful to me 630
disapprove0
Comments
I can't imagine how painful and confusing that time must have been for you. It's heartbreaking to lose the trust in people who were once so close. Facing such betrayal, it's natural to feel lost and conflicted about your own feelings and actions.
It's a lot to process, the way your family reacted. I would be devastated too if the ones I counted on didn't stand by me when it mattered most. It seems like you're struggling between wanting to be true to yourself and fearing what that might mean for who you are as a person.
Your story touches on something very deep. It's hard when we're hurt and want to react, but also don't want to lose sight of our values. It's like you're torn between protecting your kindness and expressing your anger.
You've carried this heavy burden for a long time, and it's brave of you to speak up now. It's clear you're searching for a way to reconcile these parts of yourself, to find a balance between being authentic and staying true to the good person you believe you are.