I feel a bit uncomfortable. I think my colleague is a bit petty. I don't want to bother with it.

Hello, I have taken the time to read your question carefully. I can see that you feel uncomfortable because your colleague spent two people's money. It seems that you have some feelings of anger and resentment towards your colleague, but you have suppressed these feelings. It is possible that your emotions are still somewhat irritating, and your inability to concentrate may be related to your irritability. This could be why you are having difficulty settling down to read. I can understand how you feel.

Perhaps your colleague's use of common money, which you perceive as an infringement on your interests, has led you to view her as stingy. You may have even convinced yourself that if you care about it, you are just as stingy as your colleague. However, your moral super-ego will not allow you to be a stingy person, which could explain the inner conflict you're experiencing.

It seems that you may be suppressing your true feelings, which could be causing you to feel irritated and suffocated. You may even be attacking yourself in an attempt to convince yourself that you shouldn't care, for example, by thinking that you have also done things badly and finding reasons for your compromise. It seems that you are trying to rationalize your compromise.

I would gently suggest that the questioner consider directly telling the other person how they feel and what they think. Asking for your money back does not necessarily mean that you are a stingy person, but rather that you are a courageous person who is able to protect your own interests.

While we can deceive our feelings at the conscious level, telling ourselves to forget them with our minds, the true emotions of the subconscious mind will not deceive us. This means that our mind cannot make our subconscious mind focus on reading or working.

Your subconscious mind may wish for you to find the courage to face problems head-on and break through any self-imposed limitations.

I believe that expressing your true feelings, being brave, and having the courage to be disliked will help the questioner feel comfortable and at ease. You might find it helpful to read a book called "The Courage to Be Disliked."

I hope you can find a way to overcome your difficulties soon. I wish you the best of luck.

Hello.

Your colleague took shared money without informing you, and there have been other minor incidents at work, although I don't know what they were. The accumulation of these things has also given you an uncomfortable feeling. Since she has helped you and taught you a lot, you should be more generous.

Your inner conflict is clear: you are grateful for her help, but you are also upset because your own interests are being harmed.

First of all, I want to ask the questioner if they can accept that the other party is always harming their interests.

You need to tell her how you feel. You are grateful for all she has done for you. It is clear that you still care about this friend, but you don't have to harm your own interests to maintain this relationship. This approach is not long-lasting.

If you keep quiet and don't stand up for yourself, two things will happen. The other person will think they can get away with more because you're not saying anything. And if you keep bottling everything up, when you finally explode, it'll be worse than if you'd just spoken up in the first place.

Based on the above views, I am going to give the questioner some advice that I am confident will be helpful.

1. Distinguish between people and things. The other person helped you, and you are concerned about her kindness; she used your shared money, which harmed your interests. This is a matter of fact. She did the wrong thing, and you can and should protect your own interests. If the other person gets angry, it means that it is her problem, not yours. Secondly, for the things she has helped you with, you can repay her in other ways without harming your own interests, such as showing concern for her well-being. I believe the questioner can find their own way.

2. Learn to care for yourself and enhance your inner strength. The questioner said that they should be more generous. This suggests that you feel that if you raise your ideas with her, you will be seen as stingy. This may not be an accurate way of putting it, and the questioner may be a bit concerned about what other people think. If this is the case, I suggest that the questioner find out how to care for themselves. "Love yourself before you love others." When your inner world is stable, you may be able to more calmly handle these relationships and the conflicts within yourself.

Everyone has the capacity to act as a source of illumination. Whether posing questions or offering responses, words can shed light on the hearts of many people, and this is our shared energy.

Good morning, I am Xintan Coach Fei Yun. I understand your inner turmoil and helplessness. You wish to eliminate the irritation of minor issues, yet they persist in your mind.

Let us examine the issue at hand.

?1. Unmet needs convey an important message.

You feel aggrieved because your partner spent money you had together without seeking your approval. The lack of respect and trust has eroded the mutual understanding and agreement that you had previously established.

This has triggered your anger, but it has been suppressed by your understanding and forgiveness of the other person. The suppressed emotions are anger, a sense of being hurt, and helplessness.

Anger also has deep-seated emotions that are hidden by the subconscious mind and can be reactivated when a similar situation arises. It is therefore important to allow yourself to feel angry and to wait for this emotion to arise when it is appropriate to do so.

In order to facilitate the expression of anger in a constructive manner, it is essential to recognize and acknowledge the underlying emotions that contribute to this feeling. When these emotions arise, it is important to observe them, accept them, and give oneself permission to express them. This can be done by stating, "Right now, I feel angry, and anger is okay."

?2. Focus on your internal needs and set aside your internal preoccupations.

It is human nature to evaluate people and events based on one's own perspective and emotions. For instance, one might view the use of shared funds by a friend as a transgression or perceive a book as unfinished if one is unable to read it in its entirety.

Bringing one's own inherent judgments into a relationship will, on the one hand, generate limiting beliefs such as "I can only do this/I should do this."

When there is a discrepancy between one's expectations and the reality of the situation, internal conflict arises. This can be likened to a loose faucet that drains energy and prevents one from maintaining a sense of calm and purpose in the present moment.

Furthermore, it can also affect and damage relationships because, within the scope of one's own perception, bias arises when there is judgment; when one has one's own values, there are standards, and when there are standards, there is judgment.

The most effective approach is to focus on personal growth and self-awareness. If reading a book is not a sustainable activity, it is advisable to move on to other options, such as audiobooks. Similarly, if the objective is to enhance mindfulness through reading, meditation music can be a valuable addition.

There are always multiple viable solutions to any given problem. It is important to keep an open mind to identify the best course of action.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

If you wish to continue the communication process, please click on the "Find a Coach" link, which can be found in the top right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will be available to communicate and grow with you on a one-to-one basis.

Dear Question Asker, It is a pleasure to interact with you in this virtual setting.

Based on the questioner's statements, I offer my support and encouragement. Please take care of yourself. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

"The questioner originally stated that it was a joint fund, but she did not specify how she utilized it. I believe she is somewhat parsimonious, but I am disinclined to debate the matter and feel that I should be more magnanimous and move on." This is a common challenge faced by individuals and entities engaged in collaborative endeavors. I also collaborate with partners. When forming such partnerships, I typically establish a set of guiding principles.

It is important to have your own criteria for partnerships or working together. People with similar interests tend to gather together, and people are divided into groups based on their interests. It is therefore essential that the three perspectives are consistent, and that the abilities of the individuals involved complement each other.

It is essential to collaborate in order to establish the standards, principles, and red lines (also known as bottom lines) that will govern our working relationship. These should be set out in writing and used as the sole basis for determining whether to comply with each other's requests. They should also be subject to ongoing review and improvement.

"Additionally, there are other minor issues that are somewhat frustrating, and I am unsure of the best course of action. I am uncertain if I can continue reading a particular book, and on occasion, I find it uninteresting, similar to well-known works."

It is important to express internal struggles in a way that is acceptable to the other person and can be reasoned with, rather than presenting a long list of problems and becoming overly emotional.

The questioner can envision their future self in two or five years, contrasting it with their current appearance, identifying areas for improvement, and working towards their goals by continuously enhancing their skills. By pursuing excellence, they will become increasingly proficient, expand their opportunities, and experience greater happiness.

I hope this information is useful to you. I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

The questioner revealed that she had a joint account with a colleague and used the money without telling her. The questioner felt uncomfortable but reassured herself that she shouldn't argue with her colleague. After all, she had helped her in the past and taught her a lot.

This is the same as accepting that the other person spent the money without permission. Even if you are grateful for her kindness, you cannot let this matter go. I want to be clear that this is two different things that cannot be compared. It is unacceptable to just let it go like this.

The money belongs to the questioner and his colleague, regardless of the amount. You both have the right to use it. If your colleague wants to use it, he should discuss it with you first, instead of spending it without saying a word.

There must be a misunderstanding.

It's unclear where the money is kept and how the other person got it, but it's evident that she's already spent it without telling the OP. Does the colleague know that the money belongs to the OP and her together? It's possible that she didn't understand and thought that the money was hers.

She's having a problem and needs the money. She took it and used it, then put it back as soon as she could afford to. She didn't think the OP would find out so quickly, so she wasn't sure the OP was upset.

If none of these situations apply, and you spent your own money knowing it belonged to both of you, then this is a matter of personal integrity and principle. There is no question that someone who behaves this way is not worth getting close to.

This is a euphemism.

The questioner has already acknowledged his emotions, which demonstrates his genuine concern about the matter. It would be unjust to him to suppress his emotions, and he would eventually become accustomed to this stance.

The question owner should discuss the money and their plans with their colleagues in their usual conversations. They can ask their colleagues about their plans too. This will help them understand how their colleagues respond to them. Based on this, they can decide how to treat this colleague in the future.

A colleague may sometimes teach the questioner just to share the workload and let them relax. After all, it is for the sake of work and oneself. It is good for the questioner to have a grateful heart, but they must not let their grateful heart stop them from arguing with the other person.

Relieve yourself.

The other person's actions have caused the questioner to feel emotional and troubled. It is important to relieve your emotions and allow yourself to look at this matter more calmly.

1. Talk it out: The questioner should talk to a friend and tell them about the things that are bothering them. A friend or trusted person will have a different perspective and be able to give advice for the questioner to consider. We should talk it out once in a while, so that we won't be easily affected by emotional problems.

2. Go for a walk. Go shopping and look at the things you like, such as clothes, snacks, and accessories. Choose a road with greenery and enjoy the scenery while walking. If you have company, chat along the way. This process can last for more than half an hour. You will feel a change in yourself, especially in your emotions.

3. Writing therapy: The questioner said that they read books when they are in a bad mood, which is also a good way to relieve stress. The questioner should also try writing therapy. They should write out the problems that bother them one by one, then go back to look at the problem, what emotions they have in the problem, why these emotions arise, whether it is because of people or other reasons, and then think about how they would solve it. In the process of writing, the questioner will be able to look at the problem more thoroughly.

You must stick to your principles when dealing with things. Just because you don't care doesn't mean the other person will be considerate. I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes.