I feel disgusted when the opposite sex I don't like touches my body. How can I adjust?

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, your Heart Exploration coach.

I'm not sure if the author's parents were strict. Could that be why the author feels so unworthy and ashamed?

Our perception of ourselves often masks the shadow of our original family, but that doesn't mean what the questioner did is wrong. You might want to try allowing yourself to have these emotions, which will help the questioner feel more relaxed.

It's clear that the questioner is very kind. They're willing to meet the needs of others and themselves, but they're not great at saying no. They're afraid of making the other person sad, so they often try to accommodate them. It might help to start by saying no and focusing on their own feelings.

The questioner may try to feel the handholding and hugging when they and their partner are "in love." Is it because of the other person or because they are willing to try? If it is the former, it is not the questioner's fault. If it is the latter, perhaps trying to let yourself live in the moment and allow yourself to go through the process of trying will make the questioner more relaxed.

Trying to accept yourself and allow yourself to have emotions may help the questioner feel less conflicted. When we don't approve of ourselves and doubt ourselves, it's easy to fall into self-blame and self-criticism. The questioner may want to think about this: if the other person is someone you like, would you still be so self-critical?

As they say, "You can't stop emotions." If you let yourself act on them when you're emotional, the questioner might feel more relaxed.

Think about it from a different angle. If you learn to say no after going through this, and if you don't keep compromising because of emotions or being softhearted, and if you can stop the bleeding in time and put an end to the relationship, isn't that also something to be grateful for?

Young people are passionate because it's easy to be swayed by emotions and not reason. There's a saying that goes, "You won't turn back until you hit a wall in the south," and there may be some truth to it. Allowing yourself to do things at this stage according to your heart's desires is a kind of tolerance and acceptance of yourself.

It's time to move on from the past. We can't change what's done, and dwelling on it only weighs us down. Let go of the past so you can move forward with a lighter load. In "The Wuxin Master 3," the immortal Wuxin has carried too much pain and is desperate to die, but he can't. Qingluan tells him, "Death is not the only way to find relief. Letting go is." So every hundred years, Wuxin seals his memories, sleeps for a while, and wakes up to a new beginning. You might also try to let go.

There's no such thing as a wasted step in life, every step counts. The questioner might want to review the situation and think about what approach to use next time when faced with a suitor. This could include simply refusing if you don't like them to avoid being weak-willed, or defining your own criteria for choosing a spouse to help you stand firm in your position, etc.

We live in an inclusive society, and the questioner may also try to be more tolerant of themselves, allowing themselves to try. Those failed attempts will all help us grow and help us avoid making decision-making mistakes due to inexperience when we have to make bigger decisions.

I'd like to end by giving the questioner a hug and wishing them well!

Finally, I'd like to give the questioner a hug and wish them well!

Good day. I am Li Di, the respondent, and I am grateful for this opportunity to engage with you.

In the case of an individual who appears to be functioning well but is not satisfied, it was difficult to accept the prospect of pursuing a less committed but more intimate relationship after witnessing their distress following a clear rejection. However, this approach has not yielded the desired outcome. Having reflected on the matter, it has been decided not to contact the individual in question. Nevertheless, the proximity to them without a clear relationship continues to evoke distress. A significant amount of time has been dedicated to contemplating one's feelings towards them and oneself. However, a sense of confusion and distress persists. What is the recommended course of action in this situation? I extend my support in the form of a hug. As I read it, I also had some thoughts, and I hope to discuss them with you.

Firstly, I do not like him and have no desire to cause him harm. However, as he is a kind individual, I will feel sympathy for him when I see him sad after rejection and will interact with him in accordance with his demands. What is the reason for this? It appears that I am following his rhythm and not asserting my own needs. Should I consider prioritising self-love in the future?

Secondly, it is imperative to attain a state of composure. When contemplating the prospect of physical contact initiated by the individual in question, I find myself adhering to a relatively conservative disposition, accompanied by a sense of uncleanliness. This elicits feelings of discomfort and despondency. At what point did this perception emerge? Is it accurate to conclude that I am, in fact, a being of uncleanliness?

It appears that I am experiencing a sense of profound self-reproach, to the extent that I am reluctant to extend forgiveness to myself. Is this a justified assessment?

Thirdly, it has been postulated that the individual in question has a plethora of issues and feels entirely helpless and adrift. Consequently, it may be queried whether this situation has facilitated the realisation of desired outcomes, or whether it has enabled the exploration of emotional needs.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to consider the underlying reasons for this self-blame. Could it be attributed to an underlying fear?

It should be noted that the aforementioned discussion represents merely a series of alternative hypotheses. Should any of the presented ideas elicit feelings of discomfort, it is recommended to disregard them.

Let us investigate the underlying psychological mechanisms that underpin your feelings and needs in order to gain a deeper understanding and acceptance of yourself.

The experiences you described encompass several pivotal psychological concepts, including boundaries, self-identity, emotional attachment, and moral responsibility. The "cognitive dissonance" you perceive may originate from a discrepancy between your actions and your internal beliefs.

This conflict typically arises when our actions fail to align with our self-expectations, leading to a sense of internal imbalance and confusion.

Boundaries are the psychological limits of what an individual can and cannot accept. When an individual finds themselves accepting certain behaviors when they are emotionally elevated and subsequently experiences remorse, it indicates a need to re-evaluate their understanding of boundaries.

Boundaries are not merely physical; they are also emotional. They are a crucial element in maintaining one's sense of self-integrity and security.

The role of self-identity in this context is significant. One's perception of self may be challenged when there is a discrepancy between one's behavior and one's self-image.

Such circumstances may give rise to feelings of inner conflict and confusion. A crisis of self-identity often occurs when individuals are compelled to confront their own imperfections and missteps. This represents a crucial juncture for self-reflection.

In terms of emotional attachment, one may attempt to maintain a friendly relationship while simultaneously experiencing concern about the potential loss of the other person's friendship or the fear of causing emotional distress. This concern may result in the making of choices that are not in accordance with one's own volition in critical moments.

With regard to moral responsibility, one might inquire as to whether the other individual should be held accountable for the events that transpired. This entails contemplating the ramifications of one's actions and devising a strategy for navigating this intricate interpersonal dynamic in a manner that does not inflict harm upon oneself.

In order to address this situation, the following steps may be employed:

It is important to gain an understanding of one's emotional responses by exploring one's feelings in depth and distinguishing between those caused by external pressures and those that are an internal sense of discomfort.

★Self-talk: Engage in a comprehensive internal dialogue to ascertain how discrepancies between one's personal values and perceived norms of conduct influence one's emotional state.

It is recommended that individuals identify safe methods for emotional expression, which may include artistic creation, writing, exercise, or communication with a trusted friend.

The establishment of clear and firm boundaries is crucial for the protection of one's personal space and emotional well-being.

It is important to recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that the key to growth is to learn from them rather than to blame oneself.

Should the need arise, one may also consider seeking the assistance of a counselor, who can provide guidance in navigating complex emotions and offer a more profound level of support.

Such situations are not uncommon during the process of exploring relationships. It is important to note that the responsibility does not lie solely with the individual in question.

Your feelings are valid, you have the prerogative to establish boundaries in accordance with your personal values, and you are ultimately accountable for your actions. Through this process, you can enhance your self-awareness, learn how to better care for yourself, and act more wisely in future relationships.

It is my sincere hope that this response has been of some assistance. Best regards, [Name]

Hello, question asker!

In the description, you feel dirty because of a past experience. It's okay to feel this way. It's difficult for you to accept your past self, but you're doing great! You are no longer in contact with the other person, which is a good thing. I can feel your pain and sadness, but I'm here to help. I hug you.

It's possible that you've had this idea since childhood that girls should be reserved. The description also mentions that you are a reserved person. When a reserved person does something that goes against their principles, they feel that they have gone too far. This can make them feel dirty, but it's also an opportunity to grow!

However, you are still the same amazing person you always have been! You are only dirty in your own mind, based on your own judgment.

I have a suggestion for you! It would be a great idea to accept your past. You didn't define love very well in the past. As you mentioned, you thought that if you thought the other person was a nice person, you would be happy to be in contact with them. You ignored your own inner feelings, but you can learn from this!

You didn't like him, but you got involved with him because he was nice, and you gave him the wrong impression that you were in a relationship and would have intimate contact. This is normal behavior, but it made you feel bad. And in the description, you clearly didn't like the other person, but when there was some intimate contact, you couldn't refuse, which also shows your subconscious shame and passivity towards intimate contact.

This experience may seem "overwhelming" in retrospect, but that's how many ill-advised relationships begin. You were able to extricate yourself from that situation, and it's actually hard to make a rational decision. So give yourself a pat on the back! You did it!

You are really very amazing! At the same time, what you think is dirty may just be your own evaluation, as well as feelings of shame and self-blame for what happened in the past. So that's why you think this way – but you can change your mind!

Absolutely not! You are not dirty.

You are still you, and you are amazing!

I really hope this is useful to you! Best regards!

My dear, I understand how you feel. It is indeed an extremely uncomfortable and disgusting experience to have your body touched by someone of the opposite sex you don't like. But you know what? It's also an opportunity for you to grow stronger than you ever thought possible!

I want to give you the biggest, most amazing hug in the world and tell you that you are not alone, that we are all here for you!

I can feel your confusion and pain right now. You may be questioning yourself, why you agreed to his intimate behavior at the time, and why you didn't firmly refuse him. But please remember, it's not your fault. You're doing great!

Under the circumstances, you may have been confused by his words and may have made that decision out of sympathy or hesitation. But that doesn't mean you should suffer now!

At the same time, I totally get your mixed feelings towards that boy. He may have given you some warm feelings and made you believe that he is trustworthy.

But now you get to realize that his behavior has crossed your bottom line and hurt your feelings. You shouldn't doubt or blame yourself because of his behavior.

I see your bravery and strength in this experience. You are so brave for facing your feelings, seeking help, and stepping out of the shadows!

I truly believe that this experience, although painful, will make you stronger and more mature!

I want to tell you that this experience is not your fault. You did the best you could in the moment, and that's all anyone can ask of you! Don't blame yourself for it.

You are a kind and compassionate person, and this is a wonderful quality! When faced with such situations, we just need to learn to protect ourselves more firmly.

I understand that you may feel inferior, ashamed, and even doubt your own worth. But I want you to know that this experience does not define you! Your value is not determined by others. You are a unique and valuable individual, and your very existence is beautiful!

You are a unique and valuable individual, and your very existence is beautiful!

I know you may be afraid right now, afraid of human contact. But I promise you, there are still so many kind and upright people in this world!

Don't lose trust in everyone because of one unpleasant experience! We're here for you, ready to accompany you through this difficult time until you once again feel the warmth and trust between people.

And there's more! This experience won't affect your future. You can still have a wonderful life, pursue your dreams, and enjoy the joys of life!

This experience is just a small part of your life, and it will not stop you from moving forward!

I'm here to help! I've got some great advice for you to get over this.

Absolutely allow yourself to feel the pain! Don't try to avoid or suppress your feelings, but express them in a healthy way.

There are so many ways you can soothe your emotions! You can write in a diary, draw, sing, or do yoga.

Seek support! Share your feelings with family and friends.

They may be able to offer you so much more! They can provide comfort, advice, and support to help you better face and deal with this experience.

Get the help you need! Talk to a counselor or psychotherapist about your feelings. They can provide more professional support and advice.

It's time to focus on your physical and mental health! Get into a good routine, exercise, and try relaxing activities like meditation or yoga.

These will help you relieve stress and improve your mood!

It's time to build a positive self-image! Don't deny yourself because of this experience. Believe in your own value and dignity!

There are so many ways to strengthen your self-confidence! You can take self-improvement courses or participate in activities that will help you grow and flourish.

It's time to learn how to protect yourself! In future relationships, you'll be able to set personal boundaries, say no, and protect yourself.

Your body and mind are precious, so don't let them get hurt again!

Regarding the handling of the relationship with that boy, I truly hope you can let go of your expectations and fantasies for him. I wholeheartedly suggest that you firmly distance yourself from him and do not have any contact with him. His actions have proven that he is not worthy of your trust and dependence. His actions have caused you harm, and you need time to heal yourself.

At the same time, don't blame him for what happened. The most important thing is that you learn to take responsibility for yourself, take care of yourself, and start a new life!

I want to emphasize once again that you are a beautiful, kind, and valuable person. This experience cannot change your essence. You are still worthy of love and respect, and you will find that love and respect again!

Believe in yourself! The future will be better. We will always be here to support you and cheer you on until you can smile again!

No matter when or where, don't forget your value and strength. You are the absolute best!

On a positive note, this painful experience may make you stronger and more mature. Through this setback, you may become more clear about your bottom line and expectations, and be more comfortable in future relationships.

So, although it is hard now, I know that everything will be fine!

In the meantime, you can also try to participate in some psychological counseling activities or join some social groups. These can all help you better come out of the shadows and rebuild your trust in interpersonal relationships. There, you can meet many people with similar experiences who can provide you with support and encouragement, making you feel that you are not alone.

Finally, I want to say that although this experience is painful, it also makes you understand yourself better and value your body and mind more. And I want you to know that you have more than enough strength to come out of this shadow and embrace a better future!

Your future is full of hope and possibilities! Don't give up on yourself and your expectations because of an unpleasant experience. We will always be here to support you and help you overcome difficulties and embrace new challenges and opportunities!

You absolutely deserve love and respect! And I know your future is going to be amazing!

Your story shows how confused and bewildered you are about this relationship. It also shows some misconceptions in your perception.

You idealize the "good guy." You feel sympathy and hesitation when rejecting him.

But being nice doesn't mean they're emotionally suitable or always right.

Over-idealizing others makes us ignore their flaws and lose ourselves in the relationship.

Second, you don't know your relationship boundaries. You mentioned trying something intimate but not a couple, which shows you're unclear on physical and emotional contact.

This ambiguity makes you feel confused and uneasy, and it also makes the other person misunderstand you. In a relationship, having clear boundaries is important.

You're too tolerant and compromising with your own feelings. You tried to like him and agreed with some of his actions out of sympathy.

However, true feelings cannot be forced or persuaded, and compromise and tolerance often don't lead to happiness. We need to face our feelings and respect our choices, not let others or external pressures influence us.

You lack a positive attitude when dealing with negative emotions. You feel dirty and disgusting, which is a sign of being overly critical and negative.

Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from them. Accept your past, forgive yourself, and face the future positively.

Here's some specific advice based on what I've said.

First, think about what it means to be a good person. Being nice is a quality, but it doesn't mean that he or she is the best choice for you.

When choosing a partner, consider things like if you're compatible, if you have things in common, and if you share the same values. Also, learn to see the good and bad in others, and don't over-idealize or belittle them.

Second, set clear boundaries in a relationship.

This protects your rights and dignity and helps the other person understand you. If you're unsure how to set boundaries or deal with certain behavior, seek professional help.

Be brave and face your feelings. Don't try to like someone you don't or accept a relationship you don't want.

Your feelings and choices matter. If you can't like someone or accept certain behavior, be brave and speak up.

Finally, learn to deal with negative emotions in a healthy way. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Instead, accept your imperfections and learn from your mistakes. You can release negative emotions and adjust your mindset through sports, meditation, writing, or talking.

Also, be positive about the future.

In life, we must keep learning and growing. This experience has made you feel pain and confusion, but it has also given you a chance to reflect and learn.

By changing how you think and act, you will be better at facing future challenges and finding happiness.

Dear question asker,

I appreciate your honesty in discussing your experience of humiliation. It is not an easy topic to address, and I admire your courage in doing so.

You once had a tentative relationship with a guy, but you felt a bit uneasy when you thought about it because you were under the influence at the time and engaged in some intimate acts.

It seems that you are quite involved in this situation and are experiencing some challenges in moving on. Let's explore some ways to approach this.

First of all, it's important to understand that what you call "getting high" is actually quite understandable. It's a natural response of the human body. Every one of us craves intimacy, the desire to be hugged and caressed. It's an instinctive desire that we've had since we were born.

It's not as if we suddenly stop feeling these things just because we've grown up. We just don't usually notice it. If someone you don't particularly like comes up to you and gives you a hug, your body will release oxytocin.

It is a hormone that can make you feel happy, and it can also make you feel "high" in the moment. It's understandable that you might crave this warm feeling. You have a strong sense of awareness.

It is not uncommon for people to overlook other aspects of a relationship, such as a compatible set of values, in pursuit of physical pleasure. This can result in relationships that may not fully align with their long-term goals.

I believe you have already noticed this, and I am sure you will be more cautious in choosing a partner in the future. It would be beneficial for us to not only be aware of the influence these hormones have on us, but also look beyond the feeling of pleasure.

It seems that you have your own ideas about how to start a relationship, but they are not entirely clear.

For instance, you might empathize with the other person and concur with them because of their emotions. Apart from this incident, do you find yourself disregarding your own feelings in deference to those of others in other interpersonal relationships or matters?

You might like to consider why you have these questions.

Could you please clarify whether there is a sense of external formality required when a relationship between a man and a woman is established? If not, could you please explain what you mean?

Could you please clarify what you mean by "holding him responsible"? Do you mean making him pay compensation?

It seems that you may be experiencing some confusion and may not have had much experience with emotional matters. This event could be an opportunity for you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

It might be helpful to think about these issues yourself or to talk to your best friend, a friend, or a therapist who is available to listen.

I wish you the best!

Hello, question owner. I'm Evan, a consultant in the field of emotional intelligence.

From what the questioner has said, I can see that they are feeling depressed and in pain. In our interactions with others, we sometimes find it difficult to say no, which can lead us into difficult situations in our relationships with people.

I'd like to ask the questioner not to feel too guilty or painful. This kind of experience is pretty common in relationships, and the questioner has already made their own decision, saying that they don't want to continue this relationship.

When we see others in pain in interpersonal relationships, why can't we refuse their emotional blackmail? It seems that when we face these emotions and feelings, we can't face and accept them well, which also makes it hard for us to express ourselves well in similar situations. We only have the strength to resist things we don't like when we encounter something we strongly resist.

Since the question was asked on a platform, we can't get into the nitty-gritty of the questioner's problem. We can only give the questioner some simple advice to help you adjust your mindset and deal with this situation:

It's important to accept your emotions.

The feelings the questioner is experiencing are totally understandable. It's normal to feel nauseous, confused, and painful. Don't try to suppress these emotions. Instead, give yourself some time and space to accept and process them.

The questioner has not done anything wrong. Intimate contact is a choice made by both parties in the moment of emotional excitement, a subconscious choice.

This is just a natural bodily reaction that's sometimes unavoidable. It's a normal kind of contact. Don't think of yourself as "dirty."

Take a step back and think about your own values.

The questioner has expressed a conservative attitude towards intimate behavior and an expectation of a clear relationship. These are their values, and you have the right to uphold them.

Take some time to think about your boundaries and expectations regarding intimacy, as well as the activities you would like to do at different stages of a relationship.

It's important to clarify your relationship with the boy.

You made the right decision to end contact with this guy. If he keeps pestering you or tries to contact you, you can simply and politely decline.

You can let him know that you're feeling uncomfortable and regretful right now, and explain your position. Just remember that this isn't about holding him responsible, it's about making you feel better.

The poster doesn't need to feel guilty or responsible for this. They have the right to decide with whom and when to establish a relationship.

It's important to seek support when you need it.

It can be really helpful to talk to a close friend or family member about how you're feeling. They can offer a lot of understanding and support during this difficult period.

If you think you might benefit from professional help, you could speak to a psychologist or counselor. They can offer more tailored advice and support.

It's time to focus on self-growth.

Think of this experience as a chance to learn and gain a better understanding of your needs and expectations.

Focus on your own growth and development, and build your own interests and social circles. This will help you form healthier and more meaningful relationships.

Take what you've learned from this experience and use it to understand your own values and bottom line. In future relationships, be clearer about your needs and expectations to avoid similar situations.

Move on from the past and focus on the future.

Don't let past experiences affect your future. Let go of your feelings and thoughts about the boy and focus on your own life and goals.

You've got this! Believe in your ability to overcome this difficulty and move on. The future holds many wonderful people and experiences waiting to be discovered and experienced.

Keeping a healthy lifestyle, like eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep, can help you feel better. At the same time, find some activities you like to distract yourself from this matter.

In relationships, we all have our own ways of interacting with others. By understanding these patterns, we can gain insight into ourselves. It's important to recognize mistakes from past relationships and learn from them to move forward.

Many people have had similar experiences and have managed to work their way out of difficult situations. This incident doesn't reflect the value of the questioner, and it won't affect the questioner's future.

Take some time for yourself and I'm sure you'll start to feel better.

I hope this helps the person who asked the question.

I've got a few more book recommendations for you.

I'd also recommend Marshall B. Rosenberg's book, Nonviolent Communication.

This book teaches you how to communicate with others in a non-violent way, including how to express emotions, listen to others, and resolve conflicts. It's particularly helpful for dealing with problems in relationships.

I'd also recommend "Intimacy" by Roland Miller.

This book is a classic on relationships. It explores all aspects of intimate relationships, including attraction, intimacy, commitment, and conflict. It helps you gain a deeper understanding of your own patterns of behavior in relationships.

I also recommend The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kasumi and Fumitake Koga.

This book, based on Adler's psychology, looks at how to gain the "courage to be disliked" to live a freer and more authentic life. It's great for helping with issues around self-identity and relationships.

I'd also recommend The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck.

This book talks about how we can all grow and become more mentally mature. It looks at how we can face difficulties, accept ourselves and find inner peace. It offers lots of helpful insights and practical advice.

5. "Women's Self-Improvement Handbook"

These books are often written by multiple authors and cover a range of topics related to women's self-growth, such as career planning, emotional health, and interpersonal relationships. They offer women a wealth of resources and advice.