I feel like a floating lotus leaf without roots, unable to find a sense of belonging. What should I do?

Hello, question asker! I'm so honored to answer your question.

From what you've told me, I can see how you're feeling. It seems like you're struggling to find a sense of belonging. It's so hard when you feel isolated from your surroundings and like you don't have anything in common with yourself. I admire your courage and strength. You're taking the time to understand your feelings and you're ready to make changes.

It's so important to be able to see our needs clearly.

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, each of us has a few basic needs that we all have in common. These are the needs that we all have from the lowest to the highest: ☞physiological needs ☞safety needs ☞belonging and love needs ☞respect needs ☞self-fulfillment needs.

It's totally normal for our needs to move through different stages. Usually, we'll move on to the next level once our current level is satisfied. But, if our need for self-realization is strong, we might skip a level or two.

As the questioner said, "I feel like a little duckweed, unable to find a sense of belonging."

It can feel like we're stuck in a rut sometimes, right? Let's take a look back. Could this state of not finding a sense of belonging be related to a sense of security? The parents have a good relationship, so how is their level of support, acceptance, and satisfaction with you?

If there's a lack, it's probably because we're stuck in the need for a sense of security. And if we have enough security, it's likely that we're lacking in the need for a sense of belonging.

##Corresponding psychological stage##

Once we've got a clear idea of what we really need, it's time to think about where problems might be cropping up.

Let's take a quick peek at Erikson's theory of human development stages.

☞ The wonderful thing is that a sense of security can be established during infancy, from 0 to 1.5 years of age.

At this stage, little ones are learning to trust and to be cautious. It's so important for them to feel safe and secure! How they experience the world and interact with others is shaped by how they are cared for in the earliest years.

If parents respond in a timely manner, children can develop a basic sense of trust, have hope for life, be full of ideals, and have a strong future orientation. It's so important for kids to feel loved and supported!

If a child can't get a stable response, they'll start to feel really insecure. They'll start to think that the world and other people can't be trusted. When they grow up, they'll find it really hard to express their needs. They'll worry that their needs won't be met, so they'll withdraw.

So, if the questioner is feeling insecure, it could be because they haven't had the chance to experience love, acceptance, tolerance, and understanding.

☞ The good news is that a sense of belonging can be established in two stages.

The first is the toddler stage, from 18 months to 3 years. This is a really important time for little ones as they start to explore the world around them. They're learning so much! At this stage, they're facing a few challenges, like figuring out how to balance being independent and being shy. It's totally normal!

This stage includes the first period of rebellion in life. It's so important to find a balance as a parent! If you allow your child to do whatever they want, it might not be the best for their social development. If you're too strict, it can hurt their sense of autonomy and self-control, and make them doubt themselves and feel shy.

The second stage is adolescence, from the age of 12 to 18. This is a time when young people are starting to figure out who they are and what they want from life. It can be a confusing time, as they are trying to figure out their identity and what role they want to play in the world. It's a time of self-discovery, and it's natural to feel a bit lost at times. But with time and support, they will find their way and gain confidence in who they are and what they can do.

It's totally normal to feel like you need to rebel a bit to establish your identity.

So, if the questioner's sense of belonging comes from a sense of belonging, it could be that the two important links of forming autonomy and "who I am" haven't developed as well as they could have, and the goal of resistance has been suppressed, so they don't know what kind of person they are.

If you want to improve, I'm here to help!

1. We can help you to become more aware of yourself, to recognize your true self, and to accept her.

2. If you'd like some extra support, you can also chat with a professional counselor to help you explore yourself further.

I really hope these ideas help and inspire you! They're just my personal opinions, but I think they could be useful for you.

I'm so grateful to you! ?

Good day, question asker. I am the answerer, Silver Fox.

From your writing, I discern a considerable amount of pressure, profound resistance, and a pronounced sense of disassociation. From your expression, I observe your dedication and assiduous efforts, as well as your resistance and unease.

From your writing, I can discern a range of intense emotions, including a profound sense of attachment and love. In response to your question, I believe we can begin by taking stock of the situation and sharing some of my own insights.

Please describe the circumstances you have experienced.

It is evident that none of the listed items can be identified as the direct cause of the problem. Furthermore, it is not possible to verify the root cause. To gain clarity, we can start by listing the items in an entry-style format.

1. Family situation is satisfactory.

2. Interpersonal relationships are positive and include a support network of good friends.

3. Schoolwork: Progress is satisfactory.

4. Emotional state: a sense of aimlessness and instability.

What was the underlying cause?

There appears to be a hidden message behind every event and every emotion. Some of these feelings may be ones that we have been trying to avoid, but their existence is meaningful. Let's examine the situation we have resolved and identify the underlying issues.

1. Family: The situation is acceptable. Both the family's financial situation and family relationships appear to be satisfactory. The only potential issue is the "disagreement in values" that was previously mentioned.

However, the formation of ideas is generally related to the growth environment. As the earliest growth environment (the original family), in what ways did it conflict with our ideas? We observed that throughout our growth process, "repeated communication has been somewhat effective in mutual understanding." I am curious to know what our communication style is like.

What were the results achieved? Finally, returning to the initial description of the relationship, "My parents love each other very much and love me very much," we see that from these words alone, we see a lot of warmth, but the subsequent "disagreement in ideals" seems to imply relatively large conflicts and conflicts.

Please provide the date on which these conflicting feelings first arose and a brief description of the circumstances surrounding this event.

2. Interpersonal relationships, having good friends. We can see that in terms of interpersonal relationships, we have a few very good friends, and we have known them since we were young. One of our friends also clearly understands our situation.

Furthermore, it appears that we sought assistance from our friends, who were adept at maintaining their friendship with us. It is likely that they provided moral support, even if they did not offer specific advice. What was the experience of spending time with friends like?

Please indicate whether you feel a sense of belonging in your social circle.

3. Our academic performance is satisfactory. We are leading a life that many people would consider "quite good" and have already been accepted.

Please describe your experience at school, including the quality of your relationships with peers.

Is there a small group of individuals with whom we feel comfortable?

4. Emotions, a sense of drift, and a sense of instability. It is evident that these expressions are rooted in emotional factors. The feelings of being "rootless and adrift," "very unstable," and "unstable" are indicative of a strong desire for a more comprehensive and closely connected bond.

In conclusion, what actions can we take?

First and foremost, it is imperative that we carve out time for introspection. If circumstances permit, it would be optimal to create a private space and cultivate a secure environment conducive to understanding one's self and the circumstances that have shaped one's current position.

Over the course of our professional development, our experiences and efforts must have had an effect. Perhaps we can have a serious conversation with ourselves about how our current situation came about.

It would be beneficial to determine when this issue first arose and what efforts have been made to address it.

In what direction do we want to take this process? What are our goals for this endeavour?

It is important to identify who we want to change in the process. Is our overall feeling a result of unmet expectations, or is it an emotional reaction to a lack of understanding from our parents?

Next, we must identify the most effective course of action. There may be several ways to achieve the goal of standing up for ourselves, which can streamline the process.

1. Identify and acknowledge our own desires.

I can see the positive qualities and efforts you have demonstrated in your account. When did our differing views on ideals first emerge during our growth process?

If we revisit that period in our lives, what were our primary objectives? What did we aspire to most at that time?

It is possible that we have lost sight of our original objectives during the course of our upbringing. Our written notes may therefore reflect our most pressing concerns at the time. It is likely that we have retained only one guiding principle throughout our journey: to persevere when there is a discrepancy in ideas. This principle must stem from a deep-seated desire that we have yet to fulfil.

The next step is to identify our true objectives.

2. Accept and understand their actions.

I believe that every parent loves their child, but may lack the skills to demonstrate that love effectively. They may fail to recognize and address their child's feelings and needs, which can lead to a sense of disconnection and frustration.

It is not uncommon to feel indifferent towards one's parents' attitude, and even to experience resistance and animosity. It may not be feasible to persuade our parents or influence them to comprehend our perspective.

It is crucial to focus on your own growth and take responsibility for your actions. Ultimately, the only person you can truly influence is yourself.

It is possible to view our parents' words and actions from a different perspective, without perceiving them as a genuine obstacle. Instead, we can transform resistance into motivation. This may be challenging for those who have experienced such circumstances for an extended period. However, adversity can present an opportunity for growth.

3. Prioritize effectively to streamline your workload and improve efficiency.

It is human nature to want to meet our parents' expectations and receive encouragement and praise. We may also try to attract our parents' attention by rebelling, in order to increase the attention we receive.

It is human nature to desire recognition and care from our parents. However, in reality, there are often discrepancies between what we desire and what we receive.

What steps can be taken to address this issue?

It is important to focus on your own strengths and achievements.

It is beneficial to interact with and spend time with individuals who exude confidence.

Maintain a sense of pride in your work.

It is important to focus on your strengths and avoid your weaknesses.

It is important to set appropriate goals for yourself.

It is recommended that you join a small group that aligns with your interests and that you are willing to integrate into.

4. Consider seeking professional assistance.

When facing problems in relationships, we can also seek professional psychological counseling. Through a professional and systematic approach, we may be able to find a way to reconcile with our families and ourselves more quickly. (I recommend "family systems arrangement" as a viable solution.)

PS: Yixinli will also periodically conduct public welfare initiatives to assist individuals in expressing their emotions and alleviating stress.

When faced with the challenges of family relationships, individuals may choose to express their frustrations, engage in conflict, or seek alternative means of harmonious interaction. Here, we have a dedicated team of enthusiastic young professionals ready to support you through these difficult times, along with a range of experienced counselors and listeners.

Following this series of explorations, you may have already identified a solution that works for you.

It is my hope that these thoughts will be of assistance to you during this challenging period.

It is my hope that these insights will prove useful to you during this challenging period.

I wish you the best and hope for your continued improvement.

On behalf of the entire team, I would like to extend my personal regards and best wishes for success.