I hate my father and try to avoid contact with him. Will I regret this in the future?

I have to tell you, you remind me so much of my own father! Reading your words, I feel like I can really relate to you. It's so refreshing to hear someone express themselves so well. Your words capture my feelings of frustration and resentment towards my father, but I've never been able to put it into words like you have.

I really admire you for doing this. I'd love to tell you about how my relationship with my father has changed.

It was after my mom passed away, almost 10 years ago, that I was really affected. I changed my attitude towards my dad after that. I was also afraid of leaving regrets, and I was especially afraid of losing my dad again, so no matter how much resentment I had towards him, I kept it all inside. I just wanted to obey him and listen to him. I didn't want to lose my dad again after losing my mom and go on regretting it.

I really wish I had had the chance to reconcile with my mother while she was alive. I wanted to take care of my parents, but they were no longer there!

I haven't cooked a meal for her in a long time, and I've missed out on so many chances to comfort her, hug her, and kiss her. It's sad because there's always been a barrier between us.

Over the past 10 years, I've been working on healing my heart from some resentment towards my father. I've learned so much about myself and my family through studying psychology. I've come to understand that my father's strong emotions are a reflection of his own upbringing in his original family. I can also see his vulnerable and sad side, and more often than not, I can sympathize with him and understand why he did what he did. So I also suffer a lot, but I'm learning to love myself through it.

It can be really tough to resolve the relationship with your father. I also went through a long process of awakening, so I know it's not easy. But you've got this! You just have to go back to the past one by one to see your repressed emotions, see your needs, and then calmly express and communicate them. Or to reconcile with your inner parents. This is a process that takes a long time, so just take your time.

I totally get where you're coming from. I've been there too. There were times when I wanted to cut ties with my dad because I was so angry at him.

Dear Question Asker,

From the author's own account, it can be seen that the father in the original family has a significant influence on the author, and even affects the author's current attitude towards his father. The author states that his father is selfish and self-serving, and that his attitude towards his family is primarily driven by a desire to vent his emotions. This behaviour is perceived as highly intolerable by the author, and it even extends to invading the author's personal space, which the author experiences as a form of psychological aggression.

The aforementioned persecutory behaviors directed towards the family have had a detrimental impact on the questioner, resulting in the accumulation of negative emotions towards their father.

One might inquire as to the motivation behind the father's behavior. Has the questioner ever contemplated this possibility?

It is also possible that the father's behaviour towards the questioner is a result of his own upbringing. A brief explanation of how the questioner can deal with his father is provided below:

1. Gain an understanding of the father's motives.

One might inquire as to why the father treats the questioner in such a manner. Has the questioner ever attempted to comprehend the father's motives? Could it be that the father's treatment of his family and the questioner is a reflection of his own experiences within his family of origin?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the father's childhood was similarly traumatic. Could his selfishness be a contributing factor to his own feelings of insecurity?

One might inquire whether the father's attitude towards his family and the questioner is merely a means of expressing his emotions in the moment, and whether he does not consider them family. When an individual has experienced abandonment or significant trauma in the past, it is possible that their possessions may offer a sense of security.

Gaining insight into the father's motives for treating the family and the questioner in this manner is not an invitation for the questioner to forgive the questioner's father. Rather, it is an opportunity for the questioner to interact with the father in a more relaxed manner.

2. It is inadvisable to engage in conflict with one's father.

It is inadvisable to engage in a combative confrontation with the father, as this will not be beneficial to the questioner. Confronting the father will not provide the questioner with a sense of emotional relief; rather, it will merely result in the replication of the emotional patterns observed in the father.

The harm caused by the father has enabled the perpetuation of harm within the family structure. Directing negative emotions of harm towards the father will not facilitate forgiveness; rather, it will perpetuate the entanglement within this intimate relationship.

Concurrently, the questioner aspires to forestall the perpetuation of the injury inflicted upon him by his father.

3. Adhere to your authentic self.

If the questioner wishes to avoid repeating his father's mistakes, he must adhere to a strict code of personal integrity. He must refrain from transmitting his father's errors to his own family and engage in a thorough introspective analysis of the legacy his father has left him.

It is possible that the underlying cause is hurt, or alternatively, that he desires his family to shoulder a burden for him, though he lacks the ability to express this. In any case, the questioner exhibits numerous traits inherited from his father. If he wishes to avoid perpetuating his father's shortcomings, he must develop self-awareness, recognize his own shortcomings, identify the traits they share, and work diligently to alter them. He must endeavor to prevent future generations from repeating his mistakes.

4. Acceptance of the self

It is understandable that the mistakes and harm caused by your father have been a significant source of distress. The accumulation of negative emotions over a lifetime can be overwhelming.

It is therefore recommended that the questioner engage in activities that align with their interests and bring them joy, accept themselves, and refrain from self-punishment for their father's actions. The responsibility for the father's mistakes lies with him, and it is crucial to consider one's own future.

The most effective method for concluding a relationship is to accept oneself and pursue a more optimal future. What are your thoughts on this matter?

It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question.

From reading this text, I can sense the complexity and emotional weight you must have felt when you wrote it. At the same time, I have three questions that I hope you will allow me to ask you:

1. I would be very interested to know what enabled you to persevere through those years of your childhood and adolescence, and to survive.

2. I was even more surprised when I saw you say, "I have basically shaken off most of the effects now." I'm curious to know how you managed that. As you know, it's not an easy thing to do, and not everyone can do it as well as you.

3. Given the animosity you feel towards your father and the psychological harm he has caused you, it is understandable that you would want to avoid contact with him and even sever ties. It is important to have support in making these decisions. However, it is surprising that you still care about him so much. (Please note that it is the word "care" that is causing this confusion.) There are several reasons for this:

It seems that, although you dislike your father and try not to contact him, you still have some doubts about whether this approach is the right one. It's understandable that you're afraid you might have regrets in the future. If someone doesn't care about something, they're unlikely to consider whether they'll have regrets.

It might be helpful to consider that there is an "inner child" living in your heart. It's possible that his small body once suffered a lot of psychological shadows from his father, and that he still has some negative feelings towards his father. As soon as he thinks of his father, the inner child may feel a sense of fearlessness and a desire for revenge. However, you, as an adult, are different from your "inner child". You have now basically gotten rid of most of the influences, so you can still contact your father during the Spring Festival and other holidays.

This suggests that your father still has a place in your heart, which indicates that you still care about him. (In 1940, analytical psychologist Carl Jung first proposed the concept of the "inner child" in his book Psychological Types of Children.)

Jung believed that there is an inner child in each of us, born from the subconscious, from the depths of human nature. It represents the most powerful impulse of all existence, the most primitive and eager desire of the self. It is also the part of us that has not grown, developed, or been properly soothed. It is fragile but also has unparalleled power.

From your question, "Will I have any regrets in the future?," I sensed your kindheartedness. Despite your father's actions towards you and your family, you still care about him.

It seems that your concern about potential future regrets stems from a dichotomy between your current, more mature perspective and the residual feelings of resentment and pain from your past experiences. While you have made strides in forgiving your father, your inner child may still hold on to some of those negative emotions, prompting you to take caution and seek understanding.

It is important to note that the answer to this question is not contingent on the nature of your father or the way he treated you in the past. Instead, it lies in your ability to reconcile with your inner child.

This proposition is important and difficult, so there is no need to rush to give an answer. Whether or not you need to convince your "inner child" to let go of the hatred for your father, it would be beneficial to feel it for yourself, explore it, and observe your words and deeds, as well as your thoughts and images, in the little moments of life.

Who is the most important person in your life? You might also consider thinking from his perspective: if he were faced with this problem, what would he do? I'm sure you'll find the answer. Good night!

Dear OP, I'm Peilv.

Let me give you a hug first.

You have a lot of resentment and fear towards your father, and your relationship with him is pretty distant.

? Struggling with the current, somewhat distant father-son dynamic.

——Data interpretation——

The questioner states that since childhood, their father has had a significant psychological impact on them and their mother. His self-centered personality and various extreme behaviors have caused them to experience feelings of hatred, fear, shame, and powerlessness.

I'm really sorry to hear about your father's behaviour and your unfortunate encounter. I can't imagine how you managed to get through those painful and difficult years, facing so many physical and mental traumas alone. I can only imagine how your mother must have felt, too, feeling helpless and panicked. When I think about it, it makes me feel quite helpless, too. I can understand why you feel alienated and resentful towards your father, even if it's not quite the same as your pain.

The questioner has tried to communicate with him, but it's not working. The best you can do now is send greetings during the Chinese New Year and other holidays.

Fortunately, you've broken free from a lot of the things holding you back and are becoming more mature and confident, but you're still bothered when you think about your father. You're not sure how to handle the situation and have some doubts about your actions. You're wondering if there will come a day when you'll regret it.

Let's look at the reasons why.

The shadow of the father

It seems like your father has only brought you pain. His selfish, outrageous, and violent actions have left a deep psychological shadow on you. As a child, you were powerless to resist or protect yourself, and you couldn't protect your mother either. This guilt and anxiety have accompanied you, so that as an adult, you are full of fear and anger towards many things. You even have some unruly hostility.

Now that you're gradually moving on from him, you may have released a lot of emotional baggage. You've stopped seeing him as the embodiment of everything around you, but you're still struggling to let go of him in your heart. You're still unable to forgive him for what he did and see him as anything but a potential threat. As soon as you mention him, it immediately triggers your inner defense system.

"Change" makes you waver.

You said you've tried to communicate with him and it didn't work. I can see you've put in a lot of effort. I think you've changed somewhat. You don't look at your father with resentment and disdain anymore. You also look at him with more human concern.

Let's think about what triggered your change. Was it when you saw your father was getting older and started to look weak and helpless, which made you feel sorry for him? Or was it when you were strong enough to no longer fear his threats? Or was it when someone else's interference made you feel uneasy and start to think about the relationship between you and whether or not to face the past?

Just my two cents.

As I write this, I can only lament my own powerlessness. I'm also torn and conflicted about your situation. Perhaps we're still young, and our hearts are still not strong enough to "forgive with a smile" easily, nor can we be resolute enough to "never see each other again in this life." But at least we can start by recognizing our own hearts. Yesterday cannot be left behind, and we must not be trapped in the past. We must accept the changes of the present.

Human emotions are pretty complex. It's possible that there's no such thing as complete love or hate in relationships. Love and hate can change in an instant.

?

I just wanted to say that I love you, the world, and I love you too!

Hello, I'm Yan Shiqi. I'm sending you a virtual hug from afar. I'm honored that I have the opportunity to be of service to you.

From what I can gather from the author's account, it seems that you have some strong feelings towards your father, which may be why you're reluctant to have any contact with him.

It might be helpful to remember that this kind of situation is a normal reaction. It could also indicate that, although you seem to have shaken off some of the influence he had on you, there may still be some residual feelings of resentment.

At this point, it seems that the possibility of reconciliation depends on how he acts in the future. If things remain the same, it may be challenging to bridge the gap.

It is my hope that you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive him if you feel that he is truly sorry for his past actions.

It is perhaps worth noting that parents are the only family members we cannot choose, and that there is often a certain emotional attachment. This emotional attachment to our blood relatives also makes us have expectations and hopes.

However, it is important to remember that nobody is perfect, and the other person may not necessarily appear exactly as we expect.

As we develop our own values and worldviews, we may naturally form certain judgments about our parents' behavior.

As we grow older, we gain a deeper understanding of our parents and their actions. While our expectations and desires may evolve, some wounds from the past may still remain.

We recall the importance of receiving love.

It is possible that the original poster may not feel remorseful now, but it is often the case that we become strong inside and forgive and accept when we lose the opportunity to be with our loved ones again, according to the weaknesses of human nature.

You might consider trying to accept it before you lose the opportunity, as this could also lead to unexpected rewards.

I hope this provides some insight and is helpful to you.

As a son with a similar father, I understand you very well. From my own experiences and feelings, we can be indifferent to anyone, but there's no need to hate anyone. Hating someone is not only a waste of time, but also mentally and physically exhausting.

What I remember most about my father is his violence, his cowardice, his irresponsibility, and his shirking of responsibility—not only towards my mother but also towards his children. To outsiders, he was always a good man with high moral standards, full of reason, and able to admit his mistakes.

But in front of his wife and kids, he shows his true colors—he's as selfish and cruel as a demon.

He's great at playing the part of the most pitiful person in the world. Whenever he hurts his family, he acts like he's a changed man, using morality as a disguise.

He's either avoiding his responsibilities or passing them on, leaving his wife and children to bear the brunt of everything. He justifies this with family ties and morality. He feels justified when his wife and children are driven to breaking point, become schizophrenic and disturbed, and still have to bear all his burdens.

I never hated this father, but I also felt little for him. In my heart, he was a lonely and pitiful man because his actions were despised by the world, and he could only survive by constantly pretending.

I don't hate him, but I do consider him my legal responsibility because the law doesn't allow me to abandon him. I don't have much emotion for him either, though, because our hearts and spirits have long since died.

I hope I can look at my father with a clear conscience and have no regrets.

Dear question asker,

The account provided is comprehensive and meticulous. From a moral standpoint, the father's conduct is egregious and devoid of any redeeming qualities. It is evident that his actions had a profoundly detrimental impact on your childhood development, leaving behind indelible psychological scars.

The respondent offers two points for your consideration, after which you may make your own choice.

It is evident that your father is currently attempting to elicit sympathy and assistance from others through the display of pity. It is crucial to ascertain whether this is a genuine expression of remorse and desire for reconciliation, or if it is merely a means of exploiting others for personal gain. Alternatively, it is possible that he has come to recognize the errors of his past actions and is seeking forgiveness from his family.

Should the father be engaging in mere pretense to obtain something without merit, he will eventually inflict mental and emotional harm upon his family and those in his vicinity. In such a scenario, disengagement is not merely a means of self-preservation and familial protection; it is also a praiseworthy action that will expedite his genuine awakening.

Should the father undergo a change, one might consider attempting to reestablish communication. It would be optimal to restore the relationship between the two individuals. The questioner is now in a position to live independently, start a family, and establish a career, and their sense of security is no longer contingent on the attitude of their father. Consequently, even if this attempt proves unsuccessful, it is unlikely to result in any significant loss.

2. The questioner is concerned that if communication is not resumed, they may experience regret in the future. This concern may originate from an internalized sense of ethical and moral obligation, or alternatively, from a subconscious fear of their father, which was planted during their childhood. The questioner now confronts the "evil" and "fearlessness" of the external world, and they are internally striving to overcome this fear.

Although the original poster no longer exhibits fear of her father and has the capacity to effectively overcome this fear, the subconscious childhood memory has not been fully resolved. When she rejects her father in various ways, she experiences psychological distress due to concerns about potentially incurring his "retaliation," reminiscent of the punishment she received for disobeying him during her childhood.

In conclusion, the long-term avoidance of a problematic situation or the pursuit of reconciliation can facilitate the gradual resolution of psychological issues. However, in instances where reconciliation is not feasible or avoidance is the preferred course of action, it is advisable to strive for emotional detachment.

It is my hope that you will follow your heart and find the optimal solution.

Xiao Wan's response was as follows:

1. [Live in the present] We all live in the present, not worrying about the afterlife or the future. Don't ask yourself if you'll regret not being exposed to the future now. You are exposed to it now, so when you look back on today's decisions, will you regret them?

It's a shame to dwell on these issues, regardless of the outcome. Focus on the present.

2. [Distracted Depression]: Your father's behavior is rooted in his dissatisfaction with himself. His outward venting of anger towards you is actually an internal venting. If he had stronger abilities in terms of earning power, social skills, and other comprehensive abilities, he would not have so much negative energy to vent, and thus would not distract it onto you.

Put simply, he took his depression out on his family.

3. [Boundaries in life] The most important thing about setting clear boundaries with your father is not to avoid contact. This is just a formality. People need boundaries, just as countries need borders. Crossing a border will have serious consequences. Similarly, crossing boundaries between people will lead to many problems. What kind of person your father is has nothing to do with who you are. You have now grown up and can escape his control. There is a term in psychology called "Oedipus complex," which means that the words and actions of parents will affect their children and be passed down from generation to generation, potentially making you the next him.

Do you want to be like him or do you want to become a better version of yourself? If you want to become someone else, pay more attention to how you do it.

For instance, if your father taught you how to deal with negative energy, and you don't like this "inherited" skill, then learn other skills, such as how to make money. When you improve your overall abilities, you will treat the people around you kindly.

Dear,

If you're not involved, you can't understand the situation. You can't tell someone to forgive and forget. Being a parent is the greatest gift, but feelings are mutual.

Our brains are wired to balance instinct and reason. If we force ourselves to act against our instincts, we may not achieve our original intentions. The traditional Chinese approach to life is to find a balance between reason and instinct. This is the harmony between what is right and what you feel is right.

The father affects our growth and values. He is the creator of new life and a partner in parenting.

This kind of influence will appear in his offspring over time. This is an inescapable reality for us as children.

The landlord says the father and daughter didn't get along. It's no wonder you don't like your father. You repay kindness with hatred. How do you repay kindness? You obey your elders. There's violence in the family. You don't care about your children. You even use harsh words. You're glad you've broken free from that. You have your own space now.

The image of the father is changing. He is playing the pitiful role. A pitiful person must have something to be hated. A hateful person must have something to be pitied. Do you understand your father's attitude? What motivates him? There are few truly evil parents. Most discord or loss of affection in families is due to a mismatch between expectations and communication. It is a lack of love.

A man was sentenced to death for a crime he didn't understand. The judge was also confused. You may be the appellant in this case, and you just want to convict the man, not execute him. Family is not a place where reason is important, but where emotions are. Instead of arguing about right and wrong, try to spread the law. As the saying goes, "one should keep learning as long as one lives." When one's knowledge has reached a certain level, one will realize that no one is perfect, but one will also find that it is no longer difficult to get along with anyone.

Hello?

1. After reading about your experiences, some of the past moments with your father and the influence he had on you, I can say with confidence that your growth has not been easy and that you have a strong resilience in your life, which I admire.

2. Your question is: A busybody asks if you have a clear conscience. I think that is also the question you really want to know the answer to right now! If that is really the case, from your question, I see that you still care about your father, who can arouse very complex emotions in you. You need to calm down and think about this question. After becoming self-reliant at work, you have no choice but to ignore and avoid him.

You need to understand why you're feeling this way. Is there still a longing for your father in your heart? You need to dig deeper into this part of yourself. If you can, enlist the help of a counselor to help you approach and clarify this issue.

You will have a clear conscience if you decide what kind of son you want to be. If you know exactly what you want from your role as a son, you should just do it. How you fulfill or adjust your role is entirely up to you. If you're not sure, think about it now. Decide what kind of son you want to be and then just do it.

I know there will be a lot of difficulties waiting for you, but this is also a chance to examine how you can form better and more powerful thinking to face your own predicament. I believe everything will be fine!

The world and I have always loved you.

As the saying goes, "It is often difficult to persuade others to be good without having experienced the same yourself."

Dear questioner, While I have not experienced what you have described firsthand, I can imagine the kind of painful memories that such a father and such a family have brought you. It is likely that your childhood, adolescence, and youth were not as happy as they could have been, and you lived with a certain level of fear on a daily basis.

I would like to offer you a hug to help ease your pain.

From what I have read, I can appreciate your concerns. It is understandable that you are worried about regretting your lack of communication with your father in the future.

I believe you have done a commendable job.

You made an effort to communicate with your father and tried a number of ways to resolve the dispute, but unfortunately, it didn't work out. You gave it your best, and that's commendable.

From what you've told me, I get the impression that you are actually a kind person at heart. Otherwise, I don't think you would have contacted someone who has hurt you so much, even if it is your father, during the New Year holidays. At the same time, I am also sure that if your father ever falls ill and needs care, you will definitely do your best to take care of him and not abandon him.

I believe that is sufficient.

While we can change ourselves, we are limited in our ability to change others. It is beneficial to accept things up to a certain point.

As for how things will develop in the future, whether your father will become a gentle old man, whether you will gradually accept him, or whether you will regret your attitude towards him in the future, it is not necessary to set limits on yourself or set a task for yourself to answer now. As time passes and the world continues to turn, these questions will be resolved one by one.

If I might make a suggestion, perhaps you could follow your heart, get along with the world, and let daily growth tell you the answer.

I kindly suggest that you consider this for your present and your future.

I understand how you feel. I also understand your unease after treating your father with indifference and having almost no contact with him.

You did the right thing by staying away from that terrible father. You don't need approval. Follow your heart and live your own life.

We should follow our hearts and respect our feelings. Wouldn't staying away from a man who is irresponsible, has a flawed personality, and frequently commits domestic violence be protecting yourself?

Will he think he was wrong? Will he feel sorry?

He probably won't. Older people are harder to change than younger people. The adult world only screens, not educates.

If your father is doing this, it's because he's old and needs your help. He's trying to get your support, not your love.

A father should stay away from his children when he feels guilty. He should apologize, but not ask for forgiveness.

If your father didn't do this and you only get close to him because of what others think, your trauma will be activated and you'll feel aggrieved.

We should reconcile with our parents, but this parent is not necessarily a physical parent. Reconcile with your inner parent, let the ideal parent comfort your inner child, and take care of the needs of this inner child.

Has the person who told you to stay close to your father been hurt like you have? When did people start teaching kindness?

Why forgive? He's still a father, even if he abused his wife and kids.

Confucius said, "A father should be kind, and a son should be filial." If a father is not kind, his son cannot be filial.

Those who say, "It's your father," and "Be nice to your parents," are kidnapping your morality and family. They're asking you to put a yoke around your neck.

Breaking free from manipulative people is the first step to independence. It's loving yourself to leave toxic family ties behind.

Yang Yuanyuan killed herself in her dorm bathroom while studying in Shanghai. Her mother controlled her life, and she couldn't escape.

Your distance is a way to protect yourself. You will stay away from him, even years later.

You say you are afraid of having regrets. What will you regret? Regretting distancing yourself from your terrible father?

Live as a healthy, outstanding person. Don't worry about it later and regret it!

If you approach the person who hurt you, your trauma will be activated. They will be unable to help you and may even harm you.

Stay away from relationships that drain you.

Best,

You said that you hate your father because he is selfish and weak, acts in extremes, is violent towards your mother, and so on. I can see how that would cause you a lot of psychological shadows. It's totally normal to feel hatred when you think of him. It's understandable that your evil and fearlessness are aroused. I know it's useless to communicate with him, and now you only treat him with indifference, trying to have as little contact as possible. After work, you don't contact him except during the New Year's holidays. You've basically got rid of most of his influence, which is great! But I can see why you're worried that you will regret it in the future.

I totally get where you're coming from. We're taught from a young age to be filial to our parents, that there are no bad parents, etc. It seems like no matter what our parents do to us, we have to be understanding and believe that they're only trying to do what's best for us, that they're incapable of love, etc.

But where do we put the pain inside? It can be so hard to let go of the past hurts, especially when we haven't yet completed the mourning of our inner pain. It's a challenge to separate from our parents when we're still feeling this way.

If you don't feel you're ready to reconcile with your father right now, that's okay! There's no pressure to do so.

Don't be afraid of having regrets. There's still a long time ahead! Respect your emotions and feelings. Don't force yourself to do things you don't want to do. And don't be taken advantage of by others' morals. You are the one living your life, so take care of yourself!

You know, it's only when you're ready to face your father that you'll be able to give love freely, without feeling like you have to play by some moral rulebook.

Growing up takes time, and you've got this! Take your time and take care of yourself first. You've got this! You can do it! You can let go of the past hurts and let yourself and your father go through continuous learning and growth.

I'm sending you lots of love and support!

From your description, it is evident that your biological father exhibits the following personality traits:

1. The formation of an Electra complex, which manifests as a fierce defense of the authority of the grandmother in family relationships.

2. Narcissistic tendencies, coupled with a resistance to the disapproval of others, and a tendency to present oneself as weak in order to protect oneself.

3. A robust sense of self-worth that is not easily influenced by external factors.

4. You are prone to anger and have a tendency towards violence. You lack the ability to release your negative emotions in a constructive manner, leading you to transfer your negative energy to those who are vulnerable, including your mother and young child. This results in the forced consumption of pesticides.

The negative influence of your biological father has been a long-standing factor in your life, and the mere mention of him evokes a deep-seated hatred. However, rather than succumbing to fear and submission, you have demonstrated courage and resilience in confronting this adversity. You have learned to avoid the negative influence by maintaining distance from him. This is an instinctive yet rational response. Once you have isolated yourself from the negative influence, you have also attempted to communicate with the other party. This demonstrates your willingness to engage in constructive dialogue rather than resorting to abuse and violence. The quality and effectiveness of this communication are not the focus here. What is important to note is that you have attempted to confront your biological father in a positive manner and address the issues within your biological family, rather than avoiding them.

This is a superior alternative to your biological father.

These sentiments stem from an inner sense of self-preservation, a desire to avoid perceived weakness, and a belief that one's actions do not align with the perceived character of one's biological father. The individual in question may perceive that they have not acted in a way that would shame their conscience, and that their conscience should be ashamed of their biological father. Is this an accurate assessment?

Therefore, you refer to individuals who lack personal experience as "good Samaritans." You believe that these individuals have not attempted to empathize with your situation, listened to your frustrations and apprehensions, comprehended and accommodated your emotional responses, and even advised you to exercise caution and restraint in your actions.

Is this an accurate representation of your beliefs?

It is unclear whether the notion that "you will regret it if you stay away from your biological father" originated from a trusted friend or an older or peer stranger in the external environment. Nevertheless, this assertion has the potential to instill doubt in individuals who are not yet fully independent.

I would be interested to know whether, during your period of living away from your biological father, you ever experienced a sudden realisation of his more benevolent qualities, or even a sense of connection with him that made you feel warm and helped you to overcome your anger. Did this lead you to perceive him as a more complex individual than he initially appeared to be, and to anticipate that his departure would be regrettable?

This kind of psychological awareness cannot be conveyed by friends, imposed upon you by relatives, sensed by peers, or influenced by strangers. Only the individual in question can ascertain the answer.

Hello, question asker!

You can feel regret about your family of origin, and I understand that you hate him and don't want to have contact with him.

"I hate my father, and I try to avoid contact with him. Will I regret that in the future?"

When do people usually regret their actions or choices? It's often when they didn't fully understand what they were doing at the time and didn't have a complete picture of the situation.

When do people usually regret their actions or choices? It's usually when they didn't fully understand what they were doing at the time and didn't have a complete picture of the situation.

From the results, it seems that after you became independent, you chose to have as little contact with him as possible, which has also had a positive impact on you. This is great and shows that you are taking responsibility for your own life.

I'd like to ask the questioner to think about one thing: why don't we execute all criminals? Instead of punishment, should we educate them or even release them to reintegrate into society?

This is a people-oriented, humanitarian legislative spirit that shows we're not born with original sin and that human behavior is influenced by the environment. It's also about forgiveness.

I think a poor family environment has had a negative impact on you. If you had grown up in a happy family, you'd be a better person than you are now. But who's to blame for the way your father turned out?

I think a poor family environment has had a negative effect on you. If you'd grown up in a happy family, you'd be a better person than you are now. But who's to blame for the way your father turned out?

Did he want to be seen as the "bad guy" by his child? Did he not want a happy family and a close, happy relationship with his child?

I don't think he was born that way.

Hatred can make it hard to see things as they really are. Did your father really make no effort at all during your upbringing? Did he really never do anything for you?

Hatred can make it hard to see things as they really are. Did your father really make no effort at all during your upbringing? Did he really never do anything for you?

I'm not going to tell you to forgive him. You can just stay detached and have less contact with him. But that also means that he'll keep having a negative effect on you, and that'll affect you in the future, including your development. It's a vicious circle.

I'm not going to tell you to forgive him. You can just stay detached and have less contact with him. But that also means his negative influence on you will stay, and it'll affect you in the future, including your development. It's a vicious circle.

But if you can let go of all this, don't you think it'd be a kind of redemption for yourself?

I'm Xiao Dong, a psychological counselor. I hope you have a happy life!

I just can't help but hug you, my dear, who is suffering so much.

? [Same experience]

The profound influence of the {original family} is reflected in everyone's psychology and life. This is an amazing time of awakening self-awareness! It's so great that everyone is daring to uncover the scars and seek reconciliation.

It's a long road ahead, but we're all in this together!

I totally get where you're coming from. I've been there, too. The tough times we go through are so similar, it's uncanny! I'm not going to go into all the nitty-gritty details, but I'm here for you, no matter what.

So, why not give our resilience a big pat on the back and grow wild in the midst of suffering!

I'm here for you, my dear. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[Answer your question]

You said, "I hate my father. I try to avoid contact with him as much as possible. Will I regret it in the future?"

I've been there, and I totally get it. The answer is yes.

I can answer so affirmatively because I have experienced it myself. The only difference between you and me in terms of the same family script is that my father is no longer with us.

And this is why it all changed. When he left, all the resentment and arguments stopped. All that was left was guilt and self-blame.

...? ...

Regret and remorse are two very human emotions.

The past is still there, the facts are still there, the scars are still there, but you're still stuck in that rift. All those situations are still there, and they've all got you trapped in that cage.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in things, isn't it? We all do it. We attack ourselves and an imaginary enemy that we've created based on our father. We cling to decades of time as if it's going to save us.

It can be so hard when things change suddenly. One day, the person you were trying to achieve something for is no longer there, and it can feel like all your hard work has been for nothing. It's natural to ask yourself, "What was the point of all those years of perseverance?"

I'm wondering, now that he's gone, does it bring you some relief? Do you feel a little bit lighter?

Do you feel like you've won the fight?

Oh, goodness, no! Absolutely nothing at all!

I finally had to admit to Father that I'm just an ordinary person. When he was a child, he had his own circumstances and shortcomings; when he was an adult, he had his own limitations and blind spots; and when he became a father, he had no experience at all.

My dad was a complex character, to say the least! Throughout his life, he was always joking and scolding, selfish and giving up on himself. But through it all, he was also teaching me valuable lessons. He gave me life, a quick and wise mind, integrity and kindness, and a polite upbringing, among many other things.

No matter how much I tried to resist, it turns out that these gifts are the foundation of my life.

I really have to think about whether I'm not responsible for opposing my father and being at odds with him all my life. Absolutely!

I couldn't just pass the buck to my father, though. When I was a minor, he was strong and I was weak, so I just had to bear it silently. After I got married and started a family, he grew old day by day and needed my care everywhere. What have I done since I have become stronger?

I'm still a bit blinded by the past, and I haven't done much to improve the present. At the time, I just thought it was normal, but when I understood it better, it had already changed.

Oh, dear!

[Task separation]

Task separation is a theory proposed by Alfred Adler, one of the three major psychologists of the 20th century. It means that to solve any issues in your relationships, you just need to distinguish what is your issue and what is my issue. I'm only responsible for doing my own things well, and you are only responsible for doing your own things well. (——Quoted from Baidu)

There are just three things in life, my friend: God's business, other people's business, and your own business.

When you think about it over and over again, and then finally realize after the pain has subsided, remember: don't try to change other people. You're the only one who needs to make peace with yourself. You can't change established facts, but you can rebuild your life.

Open your heart, be yourself, and know that those bad things are in the past. They don't matter anymore! What you are dwelling on is just an image in your mind. Then calm down, become aware of it, smooth it over, reconcile with it, reconcile with yourself, and naturally reconcile with the world.

Oh, dear.

[The world and I love you]

Your story, my story, is all just one big episode of an unfinished life. And you know what? Acceptance and tolerance are the eternal themes.

It's so freeing to let go of the past and all the baggage that comes with it. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel!

Wishing you all the best! ? The world and I love you! ?

Hello, my dear friend! I am the little anemone floating ball, a trainee psychological counselor. I read your question and I feel the same way. I am a woman, and my husband's family is just like that, but now I have changed a lot. Let me help you analyze your problem. I hope it can help!

— Father is a bit selfish and weak, cares about appearances, and is lazy at home. He's a goody-two-shoes outside, though!

— He gave his worst temper to you and your mother. Is this the way a foolishly obedient mother who's a victim of family violence acts?

— This has left a really deep, lasting mark on your childhood.

—So serious that he went back home and forced his family to drink pesticides? Oh, my dear.

—You didn't resist, nor did you help your mother resist, but you just hid in a place you thought was safe?

—In the end, even the little corner of peace you had was taken away, and you became so sad and distant.

— It's so great that you're working and out of his control now. It must be really helpful for you to be able to calm your mind.

But he says some pretty hurtful things, like you're not being filial, you're just faking pity, and he's trying to force you to do things.

I'm sorry to hear that your father is lazy, weak outside, good at saving face, embarrassed to refuse other people's requests, and takes it for granted to be the master of the house at home. It's not easy being in a male-dominated environment, and it's understandable that you're feeling frustrated.

?‍♂️His family was really rough on his mom. He listened to his grandma and never really knew right from wrong. He was always hitting and kicking his mom. Did you ever help your mom out? Did you ever point out to your grandma that what she was doing was wrong?

This has caused some serious psychological trauma to your childhood. You were so afraid that you only dared to hide in your room until your father destroyed the safe house you built. It's so sad! My father-in-law also treated my mother-in-law this way, and my husband is a bit like this too, but now he mostly targets the children. I can only help the children deal with their psychological problems and not take his inappropriate behavior personally.

You also help your children deal with your husband's inappropriate behavior, which is so great to see!

?‍♂️It's so serious that you go home and force the whole family to drink pesticides. It's so sad to see that you and your mother haven't been able to unite to fight against your father's bad behavior. This has led to a worsening of the situation and made it even worse. I guess you're a woman, right?

It's totally normal to be a little timid!

?‍♂️Dad treated you and mom like this, and you didn't resist, didn't dare to resist, or could only hide by listening to mom? Mom bore more, and it seems like you don't mention her much. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

I'd really love to know why.

?‍♂️I can imagine it must have been really scary when your father broke down the door. It's understandable that you felt unsafe and put up all your spines to protect yourself. I can see how you might have become indifferent and lonely as a result.

?‍♂️Now that you're all grown up, you've realized that going home only during the New Year holidays isn't the best solution. You've decided to go home when you have to face it. Is that right? It's understandable that you might still feel afraid inside, even though you appear to be fearless on the surface. It's okay to feel that way. We all have our own battles to fight.

And every time you go home, you hear rumors about your shortcomings. You think it's all your father's fault. You wonder if your work is good and if you are admired by many people. If so, the rumors are not very credible. If your father can take care of himself, then you don't need to worry about it at all. Just live the way you are living now, and when you can't take care of yourself anymore, just send him to a nursing home.

I really hope this helps! If you're feeling troubled, please don't hesitate to seek help from a psychotherapist. They're there for you!