I hate this world, so why did I bring my child into it?

I don't understand why you hate the world. You hate something, but at least most aspects of it are annoying. You have a healthy, wealthy father and mother who love you, a husband who is poor but has no major problems, a daughter, and you hate your in-laws, who are also poor.

If you hate one thing, why do you hate everything? Why do you ignore the good things?

The world will say this is unfair.

I don't understand why you say "my husband owes money, my family will help him pay it back." You are married with children. You are also a mother. Your new family is now the three of you.

You still live with your parents and don't realize that your husband's family includes you. It's not normal to still be dependent on your parents after getting married. You should be independent in your new home.

You can explain why you feel unfair and annoyed by his family. Your parents always pay, and your family pays, but why? You chose your spouse and had children, and your family pays because of you.

Marriage is about two people, not two families. Since you chose to get married, there's no question of fairness, only how to solve the problem.

But it's not about your families. It's about solving problems in your new home with your husband. You're both married with kids, so you should've taken care of your parents. Before comparing your parents, you and your husband should focus on your family and talk it out.

A woman can play around, marry a poor husband, and have a son. Where can she go to air her grievances?

Hello, question asker!

From your description, it seems like you wanted your mother-in-law to help with childcare after you gave birth to your child. However, she felt tired and wanted your family to hire a nanny to take care of the child. It seems like your in-laws have never bought anything for the child, which has led to some frustration on your part. I can understand how you feel!

Your family is doing well for themselves, and your husband has a bit of a debt to pay off, which your family is happy to help him with.

Your husband earns 3,000 yuan, and after paying off the debts, you are basically responsible for supporting the family and raising the children.

You gave birth during the postpartum period, and your family was there for you, paying for the formula and diapers!

I'd love to know what you think your in-laws think of your actions during this process! Do they think you can solve everything?

I'd love to know what your parents think of your approach! And do you think you'll continue in this state forever?

Have you ever thought about changing this pattern? It would be so great if you did!

You feel that life is unfair to women. What do you think is specifically unfair? You feel that you have been carrying a lot. Have you and your husband had a good talk?

Your husband is responsible and treats you well. He's a great guy! So, what are his plans for your family? For example, after paying off the 300,000 yuan, he can start saving money for the family or learn to save money, etc.

For example, he can communicate with his parents, which is a great way to stay connected!

And the more you do, the more responsibility you take on! In the family, even if your family is very wealthy, it is still your parents' money.

It may be that your family is short of money, but it is absolutely fine for your family to help you out for a while! If this continues, not only will your family not grow, but your in-laws will also feel that they are entitled to do so.

You've already faced a challenging situation, but that doesn't mean your daughter will face the same thing. You can teach her how to protect herself, set boundaries, and stop in time!

I really hope this message is useful to you! Wishing you all the best!

Good morning. I can sense your low mood and the pain of uncertainty. Allow me to extend a warm embrace to you first.

The situation you are in is a common concern among women, particularly those who have experienced trauma in the past.

I would like to take a moment to address a common misconception. Setbacks are an inevitable part of life, affecting individuals of all genders. They are a natural consequence of growth and development.

Secondly, although you have also experienced difficulties, you are fortunate to have met your current husband. From your statements, it is evident that he cares about you and loves you deeply, and you also care about him greatly. This is sufficient.

Furthermore, it is important to recognize that a family unit, including a husband and wife, evolves over time. Even parents cannot provide continuous support. The primary consideration should be the compatibility between you and your husband, not between you and his relatives.

It is advisable to avoid becoming overly concerned with the current conflicts with your husband's family. As long as your relationship with your husband is strong, there are solutions to everything else, and the situation will likely resolve itself in a timely manner.

With regard to the child, it is the responsibility of the parents to provide for her. You are concerned that she may suffer in the future, but if you abandon your position now, it will only cause her further distress.

You have demonstrated resilience in the past and have now achieved a complete family unit. This should instill confidence in your ability to support your daughter through her challenges.

You are currently facing a challenging situation, and it will require significant effort to navigate it successfully. You may benefit from professional assistance to help you cope with the demands of this period. I wish you a speedy recovery and a return to your normal routine.

Given your desire for a son, born of a perception that the world is unfriendly to women, and the fact that you have a daughter instead, the emotional journey you are on is similar to that of my mother. I am therefore in a position to offer you advice. My mother felt that being a woman was too much suffering. She did not want her children to suffer again and therefore did not want to have a daughter. She already had a son at the time, so there was no pressure to continue the family line. As a result, she gave birth to me, and I was quite ugly when I was born, which she regretted.

I have never regretted being a woman. If circumstances allowed, I would prefer to be a woman. If you have to give birth, it is best to do so naturally. I have given birth to two children. The first was a straightforward process, but the second was more challenging and required a caesarean section. However, I did not experience significant discomfort. Modern obstetric technology has advanced to the point where such procedures are relatively common. I simply had a cut, which I did not find to be a major issue.

Furthermore, I was perceived as less attractive at birth. Perhaps I was simply overweight during my childhood. As I matured, my single eyelids transformed into double eyelids, and I developed a slim physique. I would rate my appearance as six or seven out of ten, which is satisfactory.

She attended a highly regarded university and established a positive rapport with her in-laws following her marriage. From the moment I was born, my mother perceived me to be destined for a life of hardship. In reality, I did not experience such a fate. Similarly, if you harbor doubts about your decision to have a daughter, she may not share your sentiments.

If your daughter were to inform you that she desired to be born and to be a woman, would that provide you with a sense of reassurance?

1. [Stay true to your original intentions] You initially liked your husband for his good looks, sunny disposition, good character, and sense of responsibility. You accepted his disadvantage of being poor because you saw the good in him. Now that you are married and have children, your husband is still as good-looking as ever, and he's still poor. He hasn't changed, but your mentality has!

Right now, you're focusing on all the amazing things about him. That's great! It's important to be a reasonable person and stick to your original intentions.

2. [Who are the parents] And nowadays, most couples have the incredible opportunity to raise their children on their own. It is so wonderful that parents-in-law are able to help out when they can. While it's not the parents-in-law's obligation to help with childcare, it's so great that they're able to contribute in other ways.

Absolutely! Grandchildren should be raised by their parents. Children need more than just money—they need the love and care of their parents and mothers, as well as little gestures in their daily lives.

For example, when the baby is hungry, feed it breast milk, change its diaper, comfort it when it cries, and care for it with attention to every little detail. It's so rewarding to see your little one grow and thrive!

3. Learn to be independent! As the saying goes, a good man doesn't eat meals from his parents' home, and a good woman doesn't wear the clothes she was given as a bride. What this means is that ambitious men and women, after getting married and starting a family, don't accept a single meal from their parents' home. They keep the clothes they were given as a bride at the bottom of the box, even if they were once married with a lot of pomp and circumstance!

She's convinced that with her own efforts, she'll be able to wear clothes that are a thousand times better than the clothes she brought when she got married. And she's not worried about spending a single penny from her family!

You mentioned that your family is well-off, and you have not yet severed your ties with your family of origin, which is why you and your husband are not getting along in your new home. But don't worry! Once you are completely independent, no longer living in your family's house, eating your family's food, or accepting money from your family, you will truly be considered to have become a family with your husband.

4. [Embrace the reality] Since the child has already been born, it is impossible to reverse it. There are billions of women in this world, and you are one of them! Not everyone is toyed with by scumbags, and you will never meet bad people.

Oh my goodness, Deng Wen Di, Cammy, and Guo Jing-jing—which one doesn't control the man tightly?

Girls are more likely to meet scumbags and bad guys because they lack love and are prone to relying on scumbags and being controlled by them. But there's something you can do about it! As a mother, you can give your daughter more love. For example, smile every time you are with your daughter to give her a good mood.

The great news is that if a daughter receives enough love in her original family, she simply won't seek love from scumbags and bad guys! Mothers can help their daughters learn to be independent and autonomous by setting a good example and being an independent woman. This way, daughters will not rely on scumbags and stay away from their control.

Good day, questioner. I am psychological counselor Ying Wang.

The institution of marriage is a recurring challenge for women, yet it also presents an invaluable opportunity for growth and learning. By embracing the experience with awareness, we can emerge from it with a renewed sense of self and a transformed perspective on life. I have personally experienced this transformation firsthand. As a woman, I endured a painful three-year marriage. It was a profoundly transformative experience, one that left me with a deeper understanding of the power of suffering. Perhaps this is a common experience for many women. Through my journey, I have regained my inner strength and healed the wounds from my childhood. I want to encourage others not to give up. The suffering we endure is meaningful, and it often leads to a profound personal growth.

Upon awakening, I frequently reflect on my experiences over the past three years. I consider the reasons behind my approach to my marriage. Previously, I attributed blame to others, viewing their issues as my responsibility, and I was unhappy as a result. I had trapped myself in these narratives, which I had created myself. Even if some of them were accurate, I allowed myself to become trapped within them.

Previously, I relied on external sources for my emotional well-being and perceived the responsibility for my happiness as belonging to others. I have since come to understand that this is an erroneous assumption. It is imperative to recognize that one's emotional state is not contingent on external factors, particularly in the context of a marital relationship. Instead, it is essential to shift one's focus inward and engage in self-reflection. This process entails observing, accepting, and soothing one's emotions. This approach is highly effective in managing negative emotions. With time, one can expect to experience a reduction in emotional distress and develop the capacity to coexist with negative emotions in the present moment.

When one is able to regulate one's emotions, one's sense of strength is centered, and in such a state, one is more rational and wiser when dealing with things.

In a marital relationship, it is similarly crucial to regularly assess one's beliefs. Over time, I have come to recognize the irrationality of the long-held beliefs I previously held. It is beneficial to develop the habit of allowing oneself to relax and examine one's thoughts, and then to inquire as to the veracity of those thoughts.

One might inquire as to how one would feel in the absence of these thoughts.

The question of whether a man must earn more than a woman is a topic of considerable debate.

One might inquire whether parents in general genuinely care about their children.

One might inquire whether the world is genuinely unfair to women.

Is it the case that boys experience less distress than girls?

One must avoid becoming ensnared in one's own beliefs, as this will inevitably result in suffering. Instead, it is essential to alter one's beliefs and perspective in order to achieve a state of greater happiness.

It is not necessary to like one's in-laws; however, as a daughter-in-law, it is important to demonstrate care and respect for one's elders. One's own education and character are the most important factors in determining one's worth. What others do with the rest is their business, and it is not possible to control other people's actions. Children are their own responsibility, and it is the duty of parents to love their children. It is not within one's rights to demand that others love one's children, even if they are grandparents. However, it is essential to set clear boundaries. No one has the right to interfere in one's personal or family matters. When someone does so, it is important to calmly and politely state one's position.

Being deceived by an unscrupulous individual can precipitate a depressive disorder. It is imperative to discern the internal emotional states of the deceiver, which may include feelings of being unloved, betrayed, abandoned, or disrespected. The question then becomes: What are the origins of these feelings? It is essential to recognize and acknowledge them before attempting to address them. This process of emotional recognition and confrontation can facilitate healing and prevent future occurrences of such experiences.

As a mother, it is imperative to cultivate personal growth, engage in reading, and refrain from projecting one's own thoughts onto one's daughter, as these actions have the potential to significantly impact a child's life trajectory.

It is my hope that this response is of some assistance. Best regards,

Hello, host. Thanks for the question. From what you've said, it seems like your husband's grandmother is getting older and is disturbing other people's sleep at night. You're already seven or eight months pregnant, and her behavior has affected your rest and made you feel pretty irritated.

From what you've said, it seems like your grandmother is getting older and her sense of security is starting to slip. She needs to feel connected to the rest of the family to feel safe and secure. It would be great if your grandmother's partner, your grandfather, or your husband's father could help out with this.

You didn't say why you took on this task. Take care of your grandmother.

In modern marriages, the husband-wife relationship is the first to develop, while the child-parent relationship is the second. It's often best to let your husband handle some issues, because his relationship with his parents and grandparents is usually stronger than yours.

On top of that, young people these days have very different living habits and lifestyles from older folks. If you can, it's probably best to live separately. Having a child is bound to cause some issues.

This is something that should be shared with the soon-to-be father so he's prepared.

The birth of boys and girls is more a natural selection of genes. My female genes are superior to male genes in terms of intelligence, appearance, etc., and the probability of having a girl is greater. Some more traditional families value boys over girls and are unwilling to accept this reality.

In the future, you should encourage your husband to stand on his own two feet so that you and your daughter can support each other and create a world of your own. I'm happy to have met you in 1983. The world and I love you!

Be kind to yourself.

You are an optimistic girl from a privileged family. You love your husband and your family, but your marriage was rushed, and it has caused problems. You feel irritable and depressed, and your relationship with your husband and family is not very harmonious.

The child should not have to deal with the bad emotions and behaviors of adults. It should be given a safe, healthy, and happy environment.

You have contributed little to your husband and his family, which has caused you problems. Since the birth of your child, you must face the situation rationally.

Third, communicate with your husband so he can work hard to earn money to take care of the family. In the future, he must never invest money indiscriminately. Ask him to communicate with his family members. Money is not everything. They can do more to take care of the children or do other things.

You must share the responsibility of supporting the elderly with your husband.

Your family has good relationships. Talk to your parents to calm them and help them take care of the children.

If your husband's behavior doesn't improve or you're in an abusive relationship, stop paying his debts. If you're considering leaving, discuss it with him.

Good day, my name is June.

From your description, it seems as though you are facing a challenging situation that has left you feeling uncertain, anxious, and frustrated. How can you navigate this situation to find a positive outcome?

First, you need to assess your situation and identify the resources available to you. Once you have done that, you will be able to determine the best way forward.

The situation you find yourself in

From your description, I can conclude that your current situation is characterized by a low income, the absence of childcare support, and a pessimistic outlook. These are significant challenges that many individuals face. The key is to adopt an appropriate attitude towards them and assess the potential for change.

1. In regard to your husband's low income

The global economy has been in a period of slow growth for the past two years, and the pandemic has led to the closure of many factories and job losses. Your husband's continued employment is a positive factor at this time, as it provides a source of income.

This is, however, a somewhat self-satisfied mentality. Conversely, a job with a monthly income of only 3,000 does not require any particular skills and is a relatively low-level position. A career that progresses from a monthly income of 30,000 to 40,000-50,000 requires a notable enhancement in ability, whereas an improvement in ability from 3,000 to 4,000-5,000 should be relatively straightforward.

Have you considered assisting your husband in developing a career plan to identify areas for skill enhancement to facilitate career advancement? Rather than investing in stocks and futures, it would be more beneficial to invest in yourself and pursue further education.

2. Regarding the lack of childcare support

Our society is still marred by prejudice, with the prevailing assumption that children should be raised by their mothers. In the event that your family income is significantly higher than that of your husband, it may be advantageous to consider allowing your husband to assume primary responsibility for childrearing. This could be an ideal opportunity for you to utilize this period of staying at home with the children to pursue further education, enhance your skills, and improve your qualifications.

Ultimately, the children are your responsibility. Neither parent is obliged to assist with childcare. Providing assistance is a matter of affection, and failing to do so is also considered your duty.

3. Regarding emotional considerations

You stated, "I was depressed after being deceived by an unscrupulous individual, and I'm concerned that my daughter may encounter a similar situation. I feel that the world is unfair to women. I had initially planned to have a son, but I recently had a daughter! What should I do?"

Given the individual in question's penchant for deceit, it is understandable that you would be taken in. However, it is important to recognize that you had the courage to leave and seek a more suitable partner. You should be proud of your decision.

The world is diverse, and girls will encounter individuals who are less than admirable, while boys will encounter those who are admirable. If you feel that the world is unfair to women, then it is all the more important to accompany and care for your daughter. In the process of accompanying your daughter as she grows up, perhaps the child inside you will also be healed.

Due to your previous experiences, you are able to identify potential issues and provide guidance to your child to avoid similar challenges in the future.

Your resources

Despite the challenging circumstances, you are not alone. 1. Your family of origin is well-off. 2. Your husband is responsible, loves his family, and is a positive influence. 3. You can get support from your parents.

These resources are all highly advantageous for you. As long as you leverage them effectively, they will provide the resilience you need to navigate the challenges you are facing.

There are always alternative solutions to difficulties. As long as you build up your confidence, you will soon be able to overcome the obstacles in front of you. Come on!

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, question asker. From your description, I can tell you're feeling dissatisfied, frustrated, confused, and even a bit angry.

If your husband gets into debt and your parents help pay it off, and after your husband's parents have a baby, they don't help with childcare and ask your parents to pay for a nanny.

You think your husband is great—good, responsible, and loving. It's his parents who don't know how to care for the kids.

This is why you're so unhappy with your in-laws. They can't help with the kids or take some of the pressure off you. Instead, they rely on their own parents.

At the same time, you're also pretty frustrated that as a mom, you can't guarantee your kid won't get hurt. Is that why you brought them into this world?

As a mother, I really understand how you feel right now. I hope your child is happy and content, but not being able to protect and support them can really make you feel guilty and frustrated.

You and your husband are the leaders of your household.

As adults, you and your husband have created your own little family unit.

So, you and your husband should work together to support and maintain this small family, and you should take on the responsibilities and obligations of this family yourself. You are the masters of this family.

You're not still living with your folks and asking them to take responsibility for your family.

You and your husband are both adults, and you have the right to live your own lives. Your parents are not obliged to continue paying for your living expenses.

If you can't be grateful, then try to be more independent and stop worrying your parents.

Maybe you and your husband should talk about how to live a good life on your own.

All decisions are yours to make, not anyone else's.

As for having a child, you feel it was because of your in-laws that you became pregnant and gave birth to a child without knowing what was going on.

You're the master of your own life. The choice to have a child, and when, is yours and yours alone. It's not because your parents are pushing you to have a child.

Your parents' arranged marriage has made it difficult for you to establish your own identity.

It seems like your parents are always getting involved in your relationship with your husband.

Maybe this is why you're so unhappy.

Your parents' decision-making has held you back from reaching your full potential and has prevented you from seizing many opportunities to become the person you truly are.

You don't get the chance to be yourself or live your own life. Your parents control and dominate your life.

↗️ Avoidance won't solve the problem.

You're feeling depressed because you've been played by a scumbag before, so you're afraid your daughter will encounter a bad guy too.

You feel like the world is unfair to women and you want a son, but you just had a daughter. You're not sure how to handle it.

It's not realistic to expect to meet only good people in this world, and there's no such thing as absolute fairness. This applies to both boys and girls.

Instead of worrying about an unchangeable reality, it's better to think about how to become a more mature and wiser mother.

This way, we can better guide our daughter, teach her how to protect herself, and make her braver, smarter, and more confident. What do you think?

It would be a good idea to talk to your husband about some of the issues you're having so that your in-laws can gradually step back from your lives. That way, you'll be able to live your own lives.

You need to live for yourself and fight for yourself sometimes. Why not give it a try?