I have a shadow on the previous paragraph. How should I adjust myself now?

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your question. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

I am the Sun Dolphin float. After reviewing your inquiry, I understand the internal conflict you are facing. I will provide a response and hope it proves beneficial.

?‍♂️Did your mother assist you in securing your most recent position? Did you obtain the role through her professional network?

Please describe the circumstances that led to your departure from your previous position. Did you feel that you had disappointed your mother when you lost your job?

Or did your mother express this to you?

?‍♂️From your question, it is evident that you place a high value on your mother's opinion. It appears that your mother may be attempting to exert control over your work, but it is possible that you have not fully acknowledged your own capabilities. Have you considered this possibility?

From your description, it is evident that you are reluctant to accept your mother's assistance in securing employment. It is likely that your initial position was obtained through your mother's efforts. It is possible that she made remarks that were misguided or inappropriate to motivate you, which may have contributed to your cautious approach in your previous role and heightened apprehension about potential errors.

As a result, you become increasingly cautious, which increases the likelihood of errors in your work.

Your focus is not on your work, but on saving your mother's face. This prevents you from working to your full potential.

Instead, you factor in your mother's feelings in all your decisions. Ultimately, this leads to the loss of your job.

This result is not at all surprising.

I believe that before you started the new job, you also examined the workload. I believe that at that time, with your abilities, you were very confident and felt that you were capable of doing the job well, so you accepted your mother's advice and started the new job.

However the circumstances may have transpired that resulted in your departure from the previous position, it has undoubtedly had an adverse effect on your confidence in your professional abilities.

Please be aware that:

First, you need to assess your own work abilities. Create a list of your skills and experience to identify the types of work you are qualified for.

Identify your strengths and then seek out a position that aligns with your skills and interests.

You may also consider taking a position that your mother recommends. However, it is important to maintain a clear separation between your personal and professional lives.

Do not assume that your actions are solely for the benefit of your mother. Instead, recognize that you are an adult and must take responsibility for your own decisions.

Going forward, you should always prioritize your own needs and interests.

Prioritize your own needs and goals over those of your mother. This requires effective communication and a willingness to collaborate, rather than engaging in conflict or extreme measures to distance yourself from her. It's about demonstrating to your mother through your actions that you have matured and can manage independently.

In essence, it is crucial to adopt a fresh outlook and pursue your endeavors independently. It is, therefore, essential to temporarily set aside your mother's influence and focus on your own objectives.

Before taking any action, it is essential to consider whether your decision will reflect poorly on your mother. This may seem inconsequential, but it can actually impede your ability to make independent decisions.

A mother and child have the closest relationship and are therefore well-positioned to offer insights into their mother's thinking.

Given that you have already commenced your professional activities, it is essential that you distance yourself from your mother's perspective and develop your own innovative concepts. It is vital that you think independently and work in a manner that aligns with your own unique approach.

It is important to understand that you cannot be bound by your mother's way of thinking.

I am pleased to present the latest findings from the field of psychology.

Hello, questioner.

From your description, I can sense your lack of confidence in your new job. It seems that you are somewhat resistant to the situation where your mother helps you find a job and you are feeling somewhat confused. It's understandable that you want to figure it out and get out of this confusion, but you're unsure of how to do so. It's natural to feel distressed and feel a sense of powerlessness in such a situation. Am I understanding you correctly?

You mentioned that the previous job may have left a less than favorable impression. It might be helpful to try to resolve this on your own.

Could you please tell me a bit more about your previous job? I'm curious to know what you did and what happened.

Could you please tell me a bit more about what you feel are your weaknesses? I'm interested in learning more about your work ability, interpersonal relationships with colleagues, getting along with your boss, and other issues. Perhaps you could go over the details with me?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider which areas of your character you feel may have been affected by past experiences.

By taking the time to reflect on the details above, we can gain a more objective understanding of our shortcomings. This reflection can also help us identify areas for growth and improvement.

It's natural to have many questions and feel a bit inadequate when you start a new job. That's why some companies offer training courses – to help you feel more confident and prepared.

Indeed, it is to help us all recognize that personal growth is a process that requires gradual steps.

If your mother helps you find a job, you may find it challenging to accept. It might be helpful to try to understand what it is about the job that your mother found for you that you find difficult to accept.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the possibility that your mother's actions could be perceived as forcing you to do something you don't want to do, or as a lack of trust, or as a reminder of past experiences where she put pressure on you or didn't approve of you.

Could there possibly be a way for that to happen?

You say that your head is empty and you can't think. Perhaps it's because there are too many things in your heart and mind, too many details, that you're unsure where to start.

If you would be so kind, try to get a pen and paper and write down everything around you right now, work-related, things about your mother, and things about your daily life. As you write down one thing after another, your thoughts may come out, and you may be able to find the root of the problem.

Once you have taken the time to list all of these questions,

First, it would be helpful to consider what kind of job you would like to pursue. Once you have a sense of your goals, you can explore different avenues for finding a suitable position.

Secondly, you may sense that you are a filial and loving son, which may make you care about her feelings. Therefore, it could be helpful to consider ways of handling your relationship with your mother well.

It would be beneficial to communicate well with your mother. You might consider telling her what you want and that you will also look for a job on your own.

It would be beneficial to demonstrate to your mother your independence, responsibility, and motivation. This may help to gradually reduce her interference. You could consider telling your mother, "Mom, I would appreciate it if you didn't find a job for me. I'd like to take the initiative and do it myself."

"

I hope my thoughts will be of some use to you.

I hope this message finds you well. Please accept my best regards.

Hello host, I saw your description and can understand the kind of mood you're in. I believe there is a saying that once you have had a negative experience, it can take time to feel comfortable in that situation again.

From what you've shared, it seems that your experiences align with this theory. While I'm not privy to the specifics of your work situation, your description suggests that this matter has had a significant impact on you, to the extent that you're hesitant to address it directly.

It would be beneficial for you to understand that if you continue to avoid the issue, you may find yourself living in the shadow of it. If you wish to move beyond this shadow, it may be helpful to face the issue courageously, recognize it, and even try to understand it.

It might be helpful to consider that it is not the event itself that affects our mood, but rather our perception of it.

If I may, I would like to share some psychological knowledge with you.

I wonder if I might draw your attention to the ABC theory, which was proposed by American psychologist Ellis in the 1960s. It suggests that our emotional and behavioural responses, whether positive or negative, are influenced by our cognitive evaluation of a situation, rather than by the situation itself.

To put it more simply, emotional problems may arise from the way we perceive problems. This is why the same thing can lead to different perceptions and, in turn, different behaviors in different people.

We can often observe similar situations in our daily lives.

WeChat is one of our most commonly used chat tools. For example, you have invited three friends over for dinner at your home this weekend and informed me of their estimated time of arrival and place of residence.

It's almost dinnertime, but they're not showing up. You have the following thoughts:

You may be pondering the possibility of your first friend having stood you up. You may be feeling frustrated as you reflect on this, and you may decide to block him at this moment.

Regarding your second friend, you may be thinking, "Perhaps he's on his way. Since it's inconvenient to check my phone, I'll just wait quietly for his reply."

Regarding the third friend, you may be wondering whether she has encountered any difficulties. You haven't heard from her in a while and, as a result, you're curious about her situation. You decide to give her a call to inquire about her well-being.

It is also worth noting that the lack of a timely response from the other party may result in different interpretations and emotional responses from individuals, ultimately leading to different decisions. Our perception of the underlying reasons for a situation often plays a pivotal role in shaping our emotions and outcomes.

It is therefore understandable that our view of the cause of an event will shape our final view of the event, which will in turn affect our emotions and trigger different behaviors.

From what we have discussed, it seems that if we hold on to something in our hearts for too long, it may affect our perspective.

Although your mother's approach may seem a bit unusual, you find it challenging to fully accept. You're not sure if you've effectively communicated your thoughts and concerns to your mother.

It would be beneficial to communicate with your mother so that she is aware of your thoughts and feelings.

Perhaps it would be helpful to approach this matter in a more constructive way. It's often the case that problems can be solved most effectively through open communication. It seems that there might be some reluctance on your part to communicate openly and honestly.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inquire about a matter that has come to my attention. Please let me know if this is not the appropriate channel for this inquiry. Thank you in advance

From your description, your experience of your previous job made you resistant, and you were in a particularly poor state. You are keen to move on from this confusion, but you are unsure how to effect the change.

Let's proceed with a detailed analysis.

It appears that I have an underlying issue with my previous employment, and I tend to be particularly resistant when my mother introduces me to a new position.

You have reservations about the previous position. What specifically about the previous role gave you this impression? Was the role one that involved differing treatment from colleagues?

Or is it due to your work capabilities or for another reason? Please take the time to reflect on this.

You have expressed discontent with your mother's role in securing employment for you. It is important to understand whether your issue is with the position itself or with your mother's involvement.

If you are dissatisfied with the work, what are the reasons for your discontent?

Is it because the work your mother has found for you is not a good fit for your abilities and you feel overwhelmed?

Or is it the nature of the work itself that you dislike, which is the root of your resentment?

If you are dissatisfied with your mother's level of control, it would be advisable to arrange a meeting with her to discuss your concerns.

Upon receipt of a job offer, I immediately begin to doubt my ability to succeed. I anticipate failure and believe I will not be able to fulfill the responsibilities of the position.

What do you believe may have been the cause of the issue? Was it due to a previous mistake at another job?

Please describe the specific reasons for your initial apprehension and the full range of concerns you had at the time.

Do you feel any sense of responsibility for your mother's actions in securing this position for you, or do you view her actions as a source of frustration?

Or were you concerned about your performance and the feedback you received? You may wish to reflect on this.

As I am unaware of the specifics of your situation, I will provide a few suggestions for your consideration.

The first step is to proactively address the residual effects of the previous role.

Regardless of the negative impression your previous position may have left on you, it is in the past. While it may have left a residual effect, there is an opportunity to learn from it.

For instance, if you found it challenging to manage interpersonal relationships in your previous role, you can develop the skills to handle them effectively in your next position.

If you lacked the requisite skills, you will acquire them. You will also gain experience in certain areas.

If you have not yet acquired new skills, but have developed effective coping strategies, this is still a positive step forward.

It is important not to dwell on past experiences, as this will limit your ability to embrace the new beginning that the future holds.

Secondly, it is important to identify the specific aspects of the situation that you find disagreeable.

If your mother is the decision-maker, you can discuss the matter with her and then seek a position that aligns with your skills and interests.

If you are dissatisfied with your current position, you may wish to discuss with your mother the type of work you would prefer to pursue, or alternatively, you could seek out opportunities within your current capabilities.

The third step is to work diligently to enhance your professional abilities.

If you lack knowledge in a particular area of work, you should take steps to remedy this or develop the necessary skills.

I hope you find this message useful. Best regards,

Dear questioner,

From your question, I can tell you're feeling anxious about work, confused about your future, and worried about disappointing your mother and feeling guilty. First of all, I want to give you a hug.

You said that what happened at your previous jobs still affects you today. So when your mother asked you to find a job, you were really reluctant. Even before you started working, you already expected that you would mess it up. Apart from work, you are still motivated to do other things.

I know the work is important to me, but for some reason I just can't get motivated.

The text says, "It seems like I'm still dealing with the last job, and as long as my mother finds a job for me, I'll be particularly resistant. As soon as my mother finds a job for me, the first thing I'll think is that I can't do it and I'll mess it up."

Does this mean that last time, as with this time, it was your mother who helped you find a job? So you're worried that if the result of the next job is not as expected, it'll be like failing your mother's kindness again.

So, is it possible that your reluctance to work is driven by a fear of failure? Could it be that you're subconsciously hoping to avoid repeating past mistakes?

So, can the questioner think about how he or she made decisions in the past? Did you make the decision yourself, or did you leave it to someone else?

Psychology says that how we feel about past experiences affects how we perceive current events.

For instance, if you were helped and protected by others a lot when you were growing up, and your own decisions are always considered not good enough, or the way you were brought up by your caregivers is unpredictable, etc., then experiences like these will make it less likely that you'll have the opportunity to make your own decisions. This means you won't be able to learn from your setbacks. As a result, you'll lack a sense of control over the future, feel an indescribable sense of powerlessness, and not believe that you can succeed on your own.

No matter what we've been through, we're not the same person we were before. We're not kids who need help with everything. We can make our own decisions and take responsibility. We gain ability, confidence, and wisdom from experience. This requires hard work and practical actions to verify our ideas.

So here are a few ideas for the questioner to think about:

First, accept your anxiety and learn to manage it.

The questioner seems to be experiencing anxiety about their next job because of the shadow of their previous job. It's not clear what kind of difficulties the questioner has encountered at work, but it might involve some emotional distress involving friends and family, which makes you quite resistant to the job your mother found.

But no matter how good or bad previous job hunting experiences have been, each one will be different.

It seems like they're afraid of messing up again and no longer interested in work. They feel guilty about their lack of progress. I wonder if the questioner feels that the more we try to avoid fear and not face our anxiety, the more we will be controlled by anxiety and appear even more powerless.

Even if you know you'll be anxious, worried about making mistakes, and concerned about what others think, you shouldn't let negative thoughts lead the way. When you realize you're worrying again, try to live with it in peace. Don't let fear hold you back. Work towards your goals and gain control through action.

Second, talk to your mother and tell her what you really think.

I'm not sure if the questioner has talked to his mother about this. Do you really want to do the work you want to do?

Even if the job your mother introduces isn't your first choice, you don't have to accept it just because she wants you to. If you don't feel good about it, it'll only lead to problems for you and your mother. It's important to know when to say no and stick to your boundaries.

So, try to express your opinions firmly after thanking your mother tactfully. Instead of accepting her kind intentions, which are hard to refuse, try to work harder to find and express your own needs.

Third, break down difficult problems into smaller, more manageable pieces.

When people don't know how to solve a tough problem, they often just put it aside. But not solving the problem will only make it worse. So it's a good idea to break down complex problems into smaller ones and tackle them one by one.

I hope the questioner finds his future direction soon and gets a satisfying job.

Best of luck! I believe in you. I'm rooting for you.

Hello, I'm Strawberry!

From what I can see, it seems like there might be a bit of a shadow over the work. I think it's probably more accurate to say that it's because the questioner's mother found the work for them. In these jobs, it seems like the mother's expectations and hopes for the questioner are carried, which can make the questioner feel a bit rejected and pressured. So, before they even get to the point of facing what the work is about and whether they can handle it, they first deny whether they can do it.

The questioner is not unmotivated by all work. She has so many things she wants to do! But as soon as it involves work related to her mother, she loses interest. When this happens, her mother becomes anxious, and it is her anxious mood that affects the questioner, making her feel that she is behaving inappropriately.

It's totally normal to feel some deep-seated resistance to change.

From what you've said, it seems like your mother's involvement in your life has made it difficult for you to pursue your own path. When we were young, we often felt like we had to listen to our parents' decisions about everything. We thought that we'd be able to make our own choices when we grew up, but in the end, we still had to deal with this kind of situation. Maybe your mother's actions are driven by a genuine love for you. She's made arrangements for you, and you don't have to worry about work.

This is something a lot of parents struggle with. They love their kids so much, but they don't always think about whether their kids want the same kind of love. That's what's going on with the original poster. She doesn't feel happy with the way her mom shows her love. It's like there's always this shadow of worry that she'll do something wrong and make her mom disappointed.

Deep down, the questioner really wants to resist this pre-arranged life. They want to fight for themselves, but when they see some of their own small opinions, their mother shows disapproval and becomes anxious, which makes them feel anxious and uncomfortable. From the text, it seems like the questioner's mother focuses more on the questioner, so she worries about this and that for them and arranges everything. What the questioner needs to do is complete the separation project with their mother. They need to let their mother know that they have grown up and are adults, and that they have the ability to arrange and decide everything for themselves. What she needs to do is let go and let them explore the society and the world.

♥ Try to fight for it, my dear!

The original poster is now an adult and has the ability to fight for their rights. Since they don't want their mother to arrange everything for them, they should try to fight for themselves. It would be great for them to choose the right time to discuss with their mother, talk about their ideas, listen to their mother's opinions, and then persuade their mother based on reality. That way, their mother will give them a chance to try to live the life they want.

Maybe the job you find isn't as exciting as the one she finds, but the point of work is to find your own sense of value and enjoy the different learning that work brings us. It's not about feeling an invisible pressure weighing on us every time we think about going to work, making us feel like it's an ordeal.

It can be tough to persuade your mom when she's used to making all the arrangements and doesn't want you to disobey her. But don't give up! Keep trying and show her your determination and persistence. You might just get the chance to seize the opportunity.

☀ Know your needs and pursuits, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it!

When it comes to the future, the questioner feels like their mind is a blank slate, and they don't know what they can have. This is because they are used to their parents' arrangements, and the questioner has too many times lost the idea of pursuing what they want. But don't worry! You can believe in yourself, give yourself time, think carefully about the goals and direction you want, and you will have the motivation to move forward.

You can try writing down some of your inner thoughts, or you can use questioning as a way to understand your own needs. Ask yourself: What are you good at? What kind of work scope can you generally accept? What kind of work atmosphere do you want? Then answer each question based on your own situation. Everyone's pursuits are different. Some want to find their abilities through challenging work, while others want to enjoy an easy life every day. As long as you know what you want, whether it is ordinary or extraordinary, that is what we yearn for and pursue, and that is enough. There is no need to compare yourself to others.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner. All the best!