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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, I understand that you have a tendency to engage in conflict and strive for victory. This can be exhausting. In many situations, the outcome is decided by who has the upper hand, and those who lose are left with nothing. However, in our society and in our interpersonal relationships, there is still the possibility of peaceful coexistence. You also desire this, but you are unable to achieve it. You are experiencing confusion and entanglement. Best regards, [Name] [Title]
As a psychotherapist, I would like to present my understanding from a psychological perspective.
First, it is important to be aware of the reasons why conflict is necessary and why it will be successful. From elementary school to junior high school to high school to university, there has been a focus on the inequality of relationships. However, there is also a need for mutual help and love among everyone, including those who have graduated from elementary school, junior high school, and high school, as well as those in college, where there are many inseparable emotional worlds. These factors have been unconsciously ignored.
Such character traits should be closely related to your upbringing and interactions with your parents in your original family. The article did not mention this, but it seems reasonable to assume that there were arguments and fights in the relationship between your parents, and that you learned to be prepared for battle.
This is merely a conjecture, and it is up to you to substantiate it.
Secondly, as one grows older, one gains a great deal of new insight, but lacks the guidance that is readily available to younger people. One is unsure of how to communicate, and wishes to coexist peacefully, but is also fearful of being hurt. As a result, one inadvertently maintains a guarded demeanor to protect one's vulnerable inner self. This door is closed tightly, and one is unable to touch it, which causes significant anxiety.
Thirdly, it is advisable to seek out the necessary resources and to engage with a professional psychotherapist. In a safe and stable counseling relationship, it is possible to remove the heavy defense mechanisms, remove the battle armor, and go to comfort that little girl inside of you who has been hurt. It is possible to be warmed, affirmed, paid attention to, and healed. It is also possible to express interpersonal relationships in words, and they do not necessarily have to be fought with (put into action).
As you mature, your inner psychological age should also evolve. It is important to discard preconceived notions and embrace new ways of thinking. Adopting a different perspective on the world and your relationships is crucial. It is essential to move beyond fixed, rational ways of thinking. Use your eyes to see, your ears to hear, and your heart to love. Appreciate this vibrant world and the people you love, including your parents, friends, and even your enemies. They have taught you resilience and the ability to adapt to different experiences.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that the world and I love you. It is also important to learn to love yourself. Thank you.
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Comments
I can totally relate to feeling stubborn and not wanting to be walked over. It's tough when you've grown up in environments where standing up for yourself meant fighting back. Now, it's about finding a balance where you can express your boundaries without escalating into arguments. Maybe focusing on clear communication and setting healthy limits can help avoid unnecessary conflicts.
Growing up in such challenging dorm situations has definitely shaped who you are. It sounds like you're torn between staying true to yourself and avoiding conflict. Perhaps there's a middle ground where you can stand firm yet remain open to understanding others. Learning to articulate your feelings calmly and assertively might prevent those postargument regrets and maintain relationships.
It's hard to change the instinctive response to defend yourself, especially after what you've been through. But university is a fresh start to learn new ways of handling disputes. You could try engaging with people from a place of empathy and honesty, which might lead to less confrontational outcomes. It's okay to dislike someone but still respect them; that could be a valuable skill to cultivate.