I have always been competing with myself. How can I reconcile with myself and accept my imperfect self?

Hello, question asker! I am Warm-hearted Girl 1219, and I am honored to have this opportunity to answer your question on Yi Xinli.

I have taken the time to carefully read your description and I believe I understand your current concerns to be threefold.

?1. You have a strong will, are somewhat arrogant, and may not fully believe in yourself.

?2. Not accepting yourself

?3. You may also find it helpful to work on managing your emotions, as they can sometimes be prone to swings, and to try to maintain a more stable outlook.

I hope the following suggestions might be of some help to you.

1. Consider making some changes to become a more confident and self-assured person, and try to interact with others in a harmonious way.

It would be beneficial to try to change your strong, arrogant self, believe in yourself, get along with others in a harmonious way with a sincere attitude, and achieve the ideal interpersonal relationship state of "you are fine, I am fine, everyone is fine."

If you see someone around you in need of help, it would be greatly appreciated if you could offer your assistance. In this way, when you need help, someone will come to your aid.

Everyone has experienced pain and loss in the past. One way to heal your heart is to write a summary diary every day.

?2. Consider embracing your imperfect self.

☀️ We all have our imperfections. It's important to learn to accept your imperfect self, recognize your strengths, and be kind to yourself when you're facing your weaknesses.

It may be beneficial to consider that setting fewer demands on yourself could potentially contribute to a happier state of mind.

?3. It would be beneficial to learn to act rationally and to try to get rid of emotionalism.

It is important to remember that when things go wrong, our emotions can easily affect our relationships with those around us. This can sometimes result in interpersonal relationships becoming tense and difficult to handle, which can leave us feeling isolated and helpless.

It would be beneficial to exercise your rational mind, try not to panic in times of trouble, learn to calmly handle everything that happens to you, and be tolerant of everyone you meet.

It may be helpful to remember that getting along with others can make life more convenient and contribute to a brighter, happier mood.

We would like to suggest some recommended reading for you to consider.

I would like to suggest reading "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist."

☀️(2) "Perhaps it would be helpful to speak with someone."

I would like to respectfully suggest that

You may find it helpful to read other people's consultation cases to gain insight into your own experiences. It can be beneficial to let go of past difficulties and find inner peace.

I hope my answer has been helpful to you in some way.

I wish you all the best!

At Yixinli, we extend our love and appreciation to you and to the world.

People are not machines. They grow and evolve from one imperfection to another, and there is no end to growth.

Everyone is growing up, and no one is perfect. Find a way that is in line with your heart and the strength within yourself to deal with the outside world.

This is not something you can achieve overnight. It is a process of continuous revision and verification, and it will be a part of your life for as long as you live. When you understand this, you will also understand mistakes and imperfections.

Everyone has their own way of doing things. When they encounter a corresponding external reaction, they begin to doubt their beliefs.

At any given moment, a particular self will have a particular perception of the outside world and a particular way of doing things based on one's own thoughts and beliefs. For example, when you don't trust others, you show aloofness, independence, and other traits that keep you at a distance from others.

At the same time, the resulting isolation and even alienation leads you to doubt your own actions and whether the idea of "not trusting others" is correct and suitable for you.

If you doubt yourself, pursue it and examine your doubts until you are convinced or change.

You chose this person and this way of life, and now you're facing the consequences. You don't like what you see, and you can't accept it. Of course, you're questioning whether you made the right choice. This is the inevitable conflict and contradiction caused by the results of the process. Now is the time to go back and question your own thoughts and ideas. Examine whether your own perception is still correct and whether you can trust it.

For example, thoughts and behaviors such as "not trusting others" inevitably lead to distance and alienation. Believing in others is just an attitude. If you say that past hurts or disappointments have made you distrust others, it is not their fault; they are just the way they are.

Is there anyone or anything that is certain and definite? The answer is no. You can't even be sure of your own decisions, let alone how others will react.

From this perspective, accidents or mistakes are bound to happen. It is not a matter of trusting others, but whether your judgment and choices "trust others." If there is a mistake, it is only a mistake in your judgment and choices, because there are still others you can trust.

You must trust yourself before you can trust others. Only by trusting yourself can you allow yourself and others to get closer and trust, rather than rejecting and rejecting everything. The result is not something that can be easily adapted to and gotten used to.

The real problem that needs to be solved and considered is "how to trust someone." This is an inevitable problem in growth. It can be experienced, improved, and achieved with a high degree of certainty.

When you get a confident answer, you will naturally have a choice when it comes to your own actions and the doubts that may be brought about by feedback.

If you can find a logical direction that you can follow, such as trusting others, but with your own basis and logic for how and whether to trust, then you can reconcile the conflict between the current self and self-doubt.

There absolutely can be an acceptable answer and choice in such a process of questioning and examining.

Life is like solving a problem. There will be times when it seems there's no solution and the outcome seems inevitable. Keep asking, though, and you'll see another problem and another choice. You'll realize you can answer and decide. Then you'll see your own growth and transformation.

I wish you happiness.

The questioner, the present is good! Be grateful for having met.

From your description, it's clear that you have an inner parent who is critical, harsh, and distrustful. This model was shaped by your parents and has been reinforced by subsequent experiences.

Dear friend, These past imprints and traumas did not form overnight. If you want to change these habitual thinking and behavior patterns, you must be prepared for the process to take time. You mentioned that you have undergone psychological counseling, which has improved your ten-year depression.

You can trust that by persisting with psychological counseling or learning to change, you will become a better version of yourself. This transformation of your behavior and cognition, as well as your emotions, will help you achieve this.

Everyone inevitably matures. It's a natural law. Everything isn't mature and complete at first. It needs experience to gradually transform.

It's normal to falter and fail along the way. You need to give yourself time to settle down. Before that, you need to allow yourself to fail. I'm still growing. I'm not going to compare myself to others or demand that I'm already there.

When it comes to emotional management, it's a process that yields great results when you're patient. First, you need to become aware of your emotions. Name them, stay with them, and don't resist. See the need behind them, and they'll go away just as they came.

It just wants to be seen by you and tell you something.

When you notice your inner self being critical or emotional, pause and acknowledge it. Tell your inner self, "I see you. I see that you are once again criticizing me. You are once again feeling xx." Then, meet your inner self's needs and proceed with confidence.

Everything that happens to you is there to help you transform. All of these experiences become resources for your change. You must allow yourself to take things slowly because life is a slow process.

I wish you the best! You've got this!

Good morning,

Host:

From my perspective, after carefully reading the post, it seems that the poster is facing some challenges and difficulties. It is also evident that the poster has taken the initiative to confront their inner thoughts and actively sought assistance on this platform. This can be a valuable step in helping the poster gain a deeper understanding of themselves and make informed adjustments.

I hope that sharing my observations and thoughts in the post will help you to look at the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. It could be said that being strong and aloof, or being protective, is simply our way of protecting ourselves.

From what I can gather from the post, it seems that the poster is alluding to your inner strength and aloofness (having suffered a lot of hurt, from school and family, and later going to university made you distrustful of everyone, aloof, maverick, unconventional, and quite cynical). If I may be so bold, I would like to ask the poster to please give me a hug and hug yourself for having suffered so much pain.

I would also like to discuss with you, the original poster, how your inner strength and aloofness were formed. I believe that these qualities may have developed in response to the experiences you mentioned, having suffered a lot of harm, coming from a school family. These experiences of harm and suffering suggest that we may need to develop a certain level of resilience to protect ourselves from further harm.

If we are not a little lonely and a little eccentric, we may face challenges. Our inner strength and aloofness may serve as ways to protect ourselves, or they may have developed in response to specific circumstances.

It is also important to be aware that such coping mechanisms were developed in a specific environment.

At that time, we were unable to protect ourselves, but now that we have grown up, we have more and more ways to protect ourselves, so it might be helpful to consider letting go of these defenses and making ourselves feel more relaxed.

2. Having emotions is not inherently problematic.

In the post, the poster mentioned your emotional challenges, including feelings of depression and instability. This prompted me to reflect on my own experiences with bipolar disorder and the potential benefits of seeking professional guidance. The post also highlighted areas where you feel you have not performed well, as well as the significance of external feedback, particularly comments about understanding human nature.

From a psychological perspective, having emotions is never a problem. However, it can sometimes be challenging to interpret the messages in our emotions and accept them fully. As you mentioned in your post, it's natural to care about what others think of us.

Could I ask you to consider why the evaluation of others makes you feel so much pain? I wonder if it might be helpful to think about what kind of message this pain is trying to tell us.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider this. For instance, if we are experiencing pain, what might be the underlying expectation?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether I want to be recognized by others or whether I want others to think well of me.

And when we explore this, we may gain a deeper insight into our own hearts and minds.

It is important to remember that having emotions is not a problem. Behind every emotion are our needs, expectations, and desires. When we can read our emotions, they often become a bridge to our inner selves.

It may be helpful to remember that understanding our own emotions is something we can learn. There are many ways to do this, including psychological counseling or learning psychology on our own.

3. Acceptance

In the post, I noted that the poster expressed a lack of understanding about how to accept themselves. When I read this description, it brought to mind the concept of acceptance as described in the book Embrace Your Wonderful Self.

In this book, the concept of acceptance is illustrated through the use of stories. In one such story, the woman's husband was unfaithful to her and held her responsible for the situation. Eventually, he left the family and took all the assets with him.

During that period of time, she was preoccupied with gathering evidence to defend against the lawsuit, which left her with limited time to spend with her child. When she felt overwhelmed, she would sometimes lose her temper. However, when she saw her child's disappointed and frightened eyes,

She tended to blame herself, particularly after receiving repeated criticism. This often led to feelings of depression when she returned home and berated herself.

At this time, her friends offered her words of encouragement, suggesting that she accept her emotions and that she needed to rest.

So she did the same. At first, she felt like she could finally breathe, but after a few times of relaxing, she found herself feeling anxious again, so she sought help from a counselor. She asked the counselor, "I've been taking it easy for more than half a month, and I'm wondering if there's something else I could be doing to help myself recover more quickly."

Perhaps I should try to pull myself together a little. How long do you think I should relax for?

If I don't take care of things quickly, it might make the situation more challenging.

So she asked her teacher, "How do I grasp the degree of acceptance?" But the teacher told her that there is no degree of acceptance. Many people understand acceptance to mean that they allow themselves to fail once, twice, but that every third time they haven't done it well, they won't allow themselves to do it, and they will attack themselves. However, in fact, acceptance is not about doing specific things, but rather a kind of permission mentality. It involves being willing to admit one's limitations and to give oneself enough space and time.

Needless to say, this story has yet to reach its conclusion. Should you be interested, you are welcome to read it. What I would like to express to you is that acceptance is not a competition with oneself, but a mentality that allows me to temporarily not achieve something. It is about accepting the parts of ourselves that cannot be changed and adjusting those that we can. There are many things that we cannot change for the time being.

Then we must also allow ourselves to. Many people may have concerns that if we allow ourselves so much, it could be perceived as indulging and giving in to ourselves.

It could be said that true acceptance is the beginning of change. When we accept our true selves, we may find that we are able to avoid letting such a good self sink.

I hope that these words have been of some help and inspiration to you. If you have any questions, you are welcome to click on Find a Coach to access the companion chat service and explore and grow in a deeper way.

The individual engages in a constant internal competition, experiencing a sense of strength, arrogance, and distrust. At the same time, there is a longing to reconcile with this arrogance and a hope to accept one's imperfect self. These two forces can be conceptualized as two players standing at either end of a rope, tugging at each other in a tug of war. Neither player is inherently superior, yet the individual is caught in the middle, experiencing a pull and constraint that causes pain.

It is my hope that the following information will prove useful in helping you to address your current difficulties.

It is my hope that the following information will prove useful in helping you to address your current difficulties.

Firstly, it is imperative to alter one's perspective, perceiving challenges as potential opportunities. Furthermore, pressure can serve as a driving force for motivation.

The three primary issues outlined in the message include:

The first issue is that of a strong-willed and aloof personality.

The second issue is the lack of self-acceptance.

The third category of issues pertains to emotional difficulties, including depression and instability.

The aforementioned descriptions can be viewed as the defensive mechanisms that were developed in order to adapt to the surrounding environment at the time.

Given the numerous instances of hurt experienced at the hands of educational and familial institutions, it is understandable that one might find it challenging to fully trust and open one's heart. However, a decade-long struggle with depression, coupled with over two years of ongoing psychological counseling, has facilitated personal growth and the continued development of one's character.

This process is analogous to a tenacious seed that endures the wind and rain and grows strong. The pain and suffering bear the fruit of strength, arrogance, self-denial, and emotional instability.

However, the fruit itself is neither inherently good nor bad. It can be utilized for medicinal purposes to relieve coughs and diarrhea and as an anesthetic, but it can also be transformed into the drug opium that corrupts people's consciousness and soul. Furthermore, opium has been used by a great power to conquer and occupy territories, reducing the people of the country to the "sick man of East Asia."

It is therefore inaccurate to view these issues as character flaws or problems. Rather, it is necessary to adopt a more diverse perspective in order to examine and transform these existing situations.

For example, assertiveness and aloofness are effective tools for self-determination, and in many matters it is necessary to challenge the opinions of others. "Truth is often in the hands of the few." How can you utilize assertiveness and aloofness at work or in your studies to advocate for your beliefs and approaches? In interpersonal relationships, you can experiment with the concept of employing "erratic emotions" to enhance the engagement and retention of interactions.

Once individuals cease perceiving specific traits as deficiencies and instead learn to utilize them effectively in diverse contexts, the urge to reconcile with one's aloofness and accept oneself will dissipate.

2. When experiencing internal conflict, it may be beneficial to envision a "wise man" residing within one's heart, offering guidance and direction.

2. When experiencing internal conflict, it is beneficial to envision a "wise man" residing within one's heart, offering guidance and direction.

"The authorities are confused, the onlookers are clear." Many individuals find themselves trapped in the self-constructed cage of their own making, often fixated on the self and neglecting to take a step back and examine their circumstances from a neutral and objective standpoint.

One may engage in self-criticism to any extent, as it is a personal act. However, this approach can also result in a loss of identity.

One may identify a character deemed wise, generous, and polite based on one's observations of life and situate this figure within one's heart. The more detailed, vivid, and beneficial this characterization of the "wise man" is, the more effective it will be. When one is uncertain, torn between two options, or emotionally unstable, engaging in a dialogue with the wise man within is recommended.

The aforementioned process will then indicate the subsequent action to be taken.

This process of dialogue is an attempt to facilitate the individual's ability to objectively assess and respond to circumstances in a composed manner.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove inspirational to the reader.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove inspirational to you.

As a psychologist, my focus is not on the exploration of human nature, but rather on the examination of the human heart. I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, question asker!

We must reconcile the proud self with the imperfect self. Let's sort it out together.

"After more than two years of psychological counseling, I have gained a lot. I have recovered from ten years of depression, and my personality is slowly improving." The self of today is perfect compared to the self of yesterday. There is nothing more satisfying than that.

Fully affirming ourselves and seeing our own progress is the only way to move closer to the "infinitely good" self. It's simple math: variables in calculus tend to infinity and have a solution.

After two years of psychological counseling, it is clear that the questioner has a more comprehensive understanding of themselves. They have also learned new ways of thinking and regulating emotions. They have improved their ability to perceive themselves, and only then have they discovered their imperfect aspects. These imperfections are due to the questioner's internal expectations and demands for their ideals. When their real self does not reach the ideal state, they feel that they are not perfect enough.

The questioner's self-perception is imperfect.

The environment in which we grow up shapes our personality. There's no doubt about it. Having suffered many hurts from school and home, and later going to university, we learned not to trust anyone. We became arrogant, maverick, unconventional, and quite cynical.

The core of the matter, as the questioner said, is a lack of self-confidence. When we don't believe in ourselves, we try to show ourselves, to stand out, to be different.

This is how we can find peace in our hearts.

"You're aggressive towards yourself, you reprimand yourself, and you don't understand yourself. Your father treated you this way, and you've internalized his demands. You've become your own father, constantly urging and controlling you."

You need to reinterpret the experience and see the encouragement, love, and trust in your father's words and actions. Review the experience as an outsider and you will see that your father did not distrust you. He was afraid that you could not withstand the blow of a setback.

Your father may not be discouraging you, but he is afraid that you will become complacent.

Reconcile with your father and you will believe in yourself. A counselor who is good at hypnosis can help you.

You must accept yourself.

It is undeniably challenging to accept oneself, and the majority of individuals are simply unable to do so. This is because, at a fundamental level, we find it difficult to believe that we are not inherently good.

Many people in life feel superior to others and attribute their achievements to their own abilities. When they encounter setbacks, they blame external factors.

For example, I want to do something, but you won't let me. Or you just blame someone else for everything.

This is a common cognitive bias.

To accept yourself, you must have the courage to admit that you are not good at certain things, view yourself objectively, and "empty" yourself. A cup can only hold water if it is empty.

Treat your strengths and weaknesses equally. They are both part of your character. There are no absolute strengths or weaknesses in life. Often, strengths are weaknesses and weaknesses are strengths. In other words, every personality has its good and bad sides.

Let's tackle the issue of emotional problems head-on.

Everyone has emotions. They evolved and were passed down through generations to help us survive. Genetics play a big role in controlling emotions. Some people are emotionally unstable. Think of Lin Daiyu and the Monkey King.

Accept yourself, including your emotions. Emotions are neither good nor bad. You must first allow them to exist.

We can't control our emotions, but we can control our actions and let our emotions flow reasonably. Here's how:

When you feel emotional, take a deep breath to calm your mood. If you need to, leave the scene.

Read and apply the principles of nonviolent communication to your life. This means expressing the event, your emotional response to it, and your request.

The feelings and demands of the other person can also be a factor.

Know the difference between knowing and doing. There is a long way to go, and you must cultivate this throughout your life. Life is a practice, and you must grow throughout it.

Pursue perfection and accept imperfection. Be happy and make the most of every day.

I am confident that this will be helpful.

Best regards!

Greetings,

I have been informed that you have been undergoing psychological counseling for a period exceeding two years and have made considerable progress. However, I perceive that you are pursuing two distinct approaches within the field of psychology.

The psychological process in question is one of self-exploration.

In the context of acknowledging the gains made thus far, it is evident that a gradual process of self-acceptance has already commenced.

Ten years of depression, and you indicated that it has healed. Accept this trust and blessing you have for yourself, and continue to look forward.

It is distressing to note that you have experienced fluctuations in mood. Such fluctuations can have a detrimental impact on one's physical well-being, emotional state, and overall sense of well-being.

We have all survived, relying on our expanding self-awareness.

You have indicated that you perceive yourself to be strong and aloof. It can be argued that being strong provides a protective shell, enabling one to avoid being hurt by people who worship the high and trample on the low.

At the time of the popularity of "Meng Hualu," a related episode was produced on a special basis.

When we are in a relationship with someone we can trust and feel loved by our friends, we can begin to shed the protective shell we have built around ourselves. We can then begin to embrace our true selves.

I frequently remind myself of the positive aspects of my personality, and I am grateful for having met myself.

It is important to remain in close proximity to one's own self and to pay heed to the sensations and emotions that arise within.

It appears that you are not particularly fond of your own self when you are in a strong state. Could you perhaps begin to comprehend that you anticipate being treated with gentleness by the passage of time, and that you also expect to be treated gently by time itself?

One must cease self-blame and self-attack, and reduce self-evaluation through the use of "strong labels" spoken in other people's voices.

Additionally, one may consider the practice of writing as a means of organizing one's thoughts. This process entails identifying a central theme for each idea and assigning a word to represent it.

The process of free association allows for the exploration of ideas and emotions in a fluid and unrestricted manner, akin to the movement of clouds and water. Through this approach, individuals can uncover insights and connections that may not have been apparent before.

A two-year period of working with a counselor has demonstrated the existence of a positive and trusting relationship. Furthermore, the counselor may have identified resources and positive aspects of the client's situation in a manner similar to that of a treasure hunter.

It is imperative to have confidence in oneself and to proceed at a gradual pace.

I am a certified writer and listener at Yixinli, Qinling 3cats.

The three cats in the family extend their greetings to you.

The location where the clouds traverse the Qinling Mountains is my place of residence; the location where my emotional and psychological attachment lies is my hometown.

1. [Determine right from wrong] Is there a relationship between suffering many injuries and being strong and aloof? Think about this or seek a third-party opinion.

If you have connections, be humble. If you don't, be yourself.

Who is to blame for the harm done by family, school, and university? If the blame lies elsewhere and you have done nothing wrong, you can also be unique.

If you make a mistake, fix it.

2. It's okay to not trust anyone, but you should trust yourself. If you don't trust yourself, you won't trust others.

That doesn't mean others aren't trustworthy.

3, [no pain, no change] is like the story of the younger brother throwing money. It happens a lot because there's no serious punishment for cheating, and it's not expensive to do. In the past, there were lots of ways to cheat on the college entrance exam because the punishment wasn't serious.

If you cheat on the college entrance exam, you can't take it for several years. Even if you get a job, it'll be on your record. Nowadays, few people cheat to get good grades.

The punishment is stricter now. Your younger brother stole money because your parents didn't punish him enough.

If you want to reconcile with your aloofness, you must first understand what psychological motives lie behind it – and you can do it!

If we look at it from the perspective of defense mechanisms, I believe you have created a safe and secure space for yourself, one that is comfortable and welcoming, and you have set clear boundaries to ensure you are not attacked or hurt.

If you want to understand this from a narcissistic perspective, it may be that you feel you are special and that others cannot understand you. If I get involved with them, I will definitely be misunderstood and hurt – but that's OK!

Overall, this may be a defense mechanism for self-protection after a narcissistic injury—and it's a great one!

Let's dive in and analyze it in detail!

You have gained so much from more than two years of counseling! You have also recovered from ten years of depression. Your personality is improving, and it's amazing to see how far you've come.

Your ability to persevere with the counseling for more than two years is proof of your strong desire for change—and you did it!

Your cooperation with the counseling, your trust in the counselor, and your exploration of yourself have all played a big role in your healing — and it's been amazing to watch!

You have made incredible strides in your recovery from ten years of depression!

Your personality is also slowly but surely growing. Way to go!

I've identified some problems so far, with the help of a counselor. 1. I'm strong-willed and arrogant inside. I've suffered a lot of hurt from school and family. Later, when I went to university, I became distrustful of everyone, arrogant, independent, unconventional, and quite cynical. I don't believe in myself. My younger brother at home repeatedly stole money. He said he would change, but he didn't. My problem is not like that. I have many problems recurring over and over again. I can't keep on insisting on them. I procrastinate. I'm not satisfied with myself. I don't believe in myself. I don't know how to trust myself. I have some kind of aggression towards myself. I scold myself and don't understand myself. My father treated me this way.

Regarding your first question, it can be simply understood as a lack of self-denial, self-isolation, confidence in oneself and others, and compulsive repetition.

You are strong and angry on the inside, and you're ready to express it! You've been holding yourself and others back, but now you're ready to break free and start anew.

When the external environment does not bring you a good experience, the usual approach is to leave this environment, which is escapism. And that's okay! It's a great way to find new experiences and grow as a person.

Evading is a great way to protect yourself when you're facing a challenge. You can use it when you're a kid, but now that you're an adult, you can try a different approach. You can find the strength to face it head-on and face it bravely!

You can change! You just need to stop repeating the same old patterns.

The good news is that you can change! The compulsive repetition is not only an automatic mode left in the subconscious, but also a desire to reconnect emotionally with an old relationship.

In other words, you're ready to move on from the same old, same old and go after the response and result you really want!

It's time for a change! Change your mindset, change the person, and let life bring you new experiences. Don't dwell on past regrets. Embrace the future and fill your life with exciting new possibilities!

I'm sure this process was discussed in your consultation!

You can do it! Get out of that repetitive, compulsive behavior and gain some new, successful experiences. You'll gain the confidence you need to believe in yourself!

And the second thing to look at is not accepting yourself.

You are worthy of love and acceptance! When you don't accept yourself, you're engaging in a form of self-denial.

And there's more! You should also allow yourself to be less than perfect.

Your parents and teachers may have had many high expectations of you, and that's a great thing!

You may not be able to meet those expectations, and they cannot accept you as you are. But that's okay! You are your own person with your own unique set of skills and abilities.

So, you also feel that you are useless. But you know what? You're not!

But people can't be useless!

What they value is just their own standards, which may not necessarily apply to you—but that's okay!

If you want to satisfy their demands, just do your best!

If you can't do it, you have to allow yourself to do it! This is how you accept yourself.

I'm ready to conquer my emotional problems! I've been feeling depressed and unstable, but I'm ready to take back control. At one point, I thought I had bipolar disorder and needed to see a psychiatrist again, but I'm ready to get back on track. I haven't done many things well, but I'm excited to learn and grow. I don't know why I care so much about what other people say about me, but I'm ready to understand human nature better. It's been a challenge, but I'm stronger than I think. I'm confused and don't know what to do, but I'm excited to figure it out. I'm ready to take on this journey with you!

You've made a great recovery from ten years of depression! You've regained your basic social functions, as well as changes in cognition, emotions, awareness, and behavior. There may still be some traces left, but you've made amazing progress!

It's like walking! Even though there are no footprints where we've been, we remember the people we met and the scenery we saw.

Oh, you're absolutely right! If you fell and got a bloody nose, you'd never forget it!

It's totally normal for you to feel apprehensive.

You've made great strides in your recovery! However, there may still be some traces left. It's like walking: although there are no footprints where we've been, we remember the people we met and the scenery we saw. If you fell there and got a bloody nose, you won't forget it so quickly, right? Feeling down, caring about what others think, and fighting with yourself are some of the causes and symptoms

While your personality is not yet completely stable, it may still be influenced and swayed by external factors—and you can work to make it more stable!

You can solve your problems! All you have to do is be firm in your own thoughts and wishes, accept external opinions and suggestions, broaden the breadth and width of your life, and increase your own tolerance.

It might take a little time to implement, but it'll be worth it!

You've got this! Take your time, you can do it!

Above!

I'm Yan Guilai, your friendly neighborhood psychological counselor, and I'm wishing you the best!

Good morning, my name is Evan.

I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations to the questioner on their recovery from ten years of depression. However, it is important to note that there are still numerous issues that require integration following this significant achievement. It is encouraging to see the questioner now able to resume their normal work and living activities.

Due to depression, the questioner has experienced a loss of emotional and social engagement. Now that she has recovered, she is seeking to address her inner emotions and conflicts. However, she is unsure of the best way to do so.

Provide a reassuring gesture, such as patting the questioner on the shoulder, to offer encouragement and support. From the questioner's own account, it can be seen that there is still conflict within the questioner.

There is a discrepancy between the desire to be aloof and strong, and the lack of self-belief, inability to accept emotions, emotional instability and concern for other people's opinions. This illustrates the continued significant impact of the original family on the questioner.

The original family has influenced the questioner, resulting in the erection of a thick protective shield, a fear of facing other people's criticism, and an inability to handle interpersonal relationships.

What are the underlying reasons for the question asker's apprehension regarding the opinions of others in relationships? Has this perspective been influenced by the original family?

If you care about what other people think, are you also concerned about being held responsible by them? These concerns may have originated in the original family, where the subject's apprehension about being hurt by their father has been redirected toward a worry about being criticized by others.

This fear appears to impact the questioner's interpersonal relationships. Offer the questioner a supportive gesture to demonstrate understanding and acceptance.

What experiences did the questioner have during their growth process that led to this concern for what others think? What would be the result if the questioner did not care about what others think?

The questioner should conduct a review of their own growth process to gain insight into the origins of this fear.

As the question was posed on an open forum, it is not possible to provide a detailed response. However, we can offer some general advice.

Identify the influence that your family of origin has had on you.

What is the impact of the original family on the questioner? What is the model for effective interpersonal relationships?

What opinions influence the questioner and contribute to a relatively fixed idea of what is important, with a strong focus on the opinions of others? These opinions are the result of the original family's influence on the questioner. The questioner can attempt to list in detail on paper some of the opinions that their own ideas have brought to them about getting along with others.

The questioner should then attempt to distinguish between the following: whether these views are indeed correct, who introduced them to the questioner, or whether they are merely subjective feelings. The questioner should then attempt to argue with these views based on the way friends around them interact with others. This will help the questioner determine whether these views are universal in society or just their own unilateral views.

If it is just your own personal opinion, and not the opinion of all girls, then you can be clear that these are the influences that your family of origin has brought to you. It is important to understand that in interpersonal relationships, it is normal not to be able to make everyone happy.

If the questioner is able to recognize that some of their views on relationships are shaped by their upbringing, they may be better equipped to handle differing opinions.

It is essential to understand yourself and accept your emotions.

To gain a deeper understanding of oneself, it is essential to accept and acknowledge the emotions experienced in relationships. These emotions often stem from past experiences and influence interpersonal interactions. To effectively navigate relationships, it is crucial to understand one's own personality traits, behaviors, and the extent to which they are shaped by one's family of origin.

The questioner should attempt to document the behavioral patterns inherited from their original family and those developed independently. This process will reveal the questioner's unique characteristics and idiosyncrasies. For instance:

Show consideration for the opinions of others within the context of the original family.

I am adept at synthesizing experiences for self-development purposes.

The individual displays strong will and a cynical outlook, with a focus on self-development.

There may be numerous behavioral patterns influenced by the original family, in addition to those developed by the questioner's own personality. It is not feasible for the questioner to recall all of these patterns simultaneously. However, there is no need for concern as the process can be completed in a systematic manner. As the questioner recalls specific points, they should be recorded.

It is important to understand your own behavior patterns.

What are the origins of the behavior pattern exhibited by the questioner, which includes strength, a lack of self-belief, and a tendency to care about others? Is this behavior pattern also exhibited by other individuals?

This is inextricably linked to the upbringing in the original family. Naturally, the individual's character also plays a part.

The questioner can examine the motivation behind their desire to be strong but lack self-belief, and if they are strong, why do they care about other people's opinions? Is there also an influence of the original family on the questioner? When the questioner was hurt in certain things in the original family, and when the questioner faces similar things again, can they help but act strong?

It is possible that the questioner's subconscious perception is that he was hurt because he was not strong enough. In my view, this strength is a way for the questioner to compensate for the self that was hurt in the past and to protect himself.

Not believing in oneself may, in my opinion, be an internal anxiety, an influence brought to the questioner by the original family. When the questioner and his younger brother don't know how to deal with or face certain things, they will subconsciously use a method that has been thought up under the influence of the family and do it over and over again. This is also a manifestation of insecurity, because subconsciously, you don't know which behavior patterns are safe, so you can only use the methods that you have previously experimented with and considered safe. Because you lack the courage to try, you will not receive support in dealing with the consequences of your mistakes.

It is important to accept the past and move forward.

The questioner requires a new beginning. I recall someone stating, "You were present in the past, but you do not live in the past."

Many individuals have encountered misfortune at one point or another. It is essential to focus on the present.

As Buddha said, "The past cannot be obtained, nor can the future be obtained." It is important not to dwell on past disappointments or future concerns. It is helpful to acknowledge your feelings, but then move on.

It is important to understand that your father's actions in the past were not a reflection of his lack of love for you. Rather, they were a result of the behavior patterns he learned from his own family, which he repeated on you and your younger brother. The most crucial step is to forgive yourself. By understanding the motivation behind your father's treatment of his family and yourself, you can move forward with a more calm and composed approach.

Furthermore, you will be better equipped to identify and accept the underlying causes of your emotions.

It is important to accept yourself.

In the event that parents are unable to provide care for the individual during childhood, it is possible for the individual to care for themselves, love themselves, and accept themselves. It is recommended that the individual engage in activities that they enjoy and allow themselves to experience the positive effects of self-care in these activities. It is important to understand that the individual will never reject themselves.

It is important to accept your current situation and, when you are feeling low, take steps to improve your mood. One way to do this is to engage in an activity that you enjoy and that makes you feel good. For example, eating something sweet can have a positive effect on your mood.

It is important to pursue happiness without causing harm to others. It is inadvisable to allow negative emotions to take over one's life.

It is recommended that you seek the support of a professional psychologist.

If the aforementioned methods are ineffective, it is recommended to seek professional psychological assistance. There are numerous qualified psychological counselors who can be consulted for guidance. These professionals possess the necessary communication skills to assist individuals in developing interpersonal skills and overcoming the influence of their family of origin.

It is my hope that this response will prove helpful to the individual who posed the question.

Dear questioner, I'm here for you! I want you to know that I'm sending you a big, warm hug. It's not easy to survive more than ten years of depression, but you've got this!

You're still young, so it's likely that you've been dealing with various challenges, pain, self-blame, and despair since your teenage years. But you've worked hard! You've always tried your best and never given up, which is fantastic! It's great to see that you've tried taking medication, been undergoing psychological counseling, and constantly reflecting on yourself!

From what you have described, you are lonely, arrogant, do not believe in yourself, do not accept yourself, and your emotions are unstable. All of these are forms of self-denial and self-attack, which may be the root cause of your depressed mood. But don't worry! There is a way out.

I'm so proud of you! You've been in psychological counseling for more than two years, which is incredible. You've explored your growth process, your experiences over time, your behavioral patterns, and your way of thinking. You've also made great efforts to maintain a stable counseling relationship for two years, which is so admirable. I'm also very fortunate to have met a counselor who shares the same frequency.

I'm so impressed that you were able to maintain a counseling relationship with your counselor for two years! That shows you have a great counseling relationship. I'm so happy you found a fantastic professional partner to accompany you through this period of gloom and grow up with you. You didn't mention your interpersonal relationships in particular, but I'm sure you have several amazing friends!

It feels like you're always looking for ways to improve the things you're currently unhappy with. Maybe you want to be more positive, better, more perfect, more capable, and loved by more people—and you can be!

These hopes are all very good, but if you keep thinking about how things could be better, you may be constantly denying who you are right now. And your denial is the source of all your suffering. But there's a way to break free from this cycle!

You also mentioned a lot of trauma and a poor environment in your childhood, which are all in the past, and many of them cannot even be changed. But that's okay! If dwelling on pain is not beneficial, the only way to live your life is to see clearly what is happening and reduce the impact of the harm.

There are so many great books out there on adjusting to depressive states! I highly recommend "A Change of Heart." It's all about questioning your thoughts and seeing what a difference it makes when you flip them.

As for the current situation, I see two main challenges: first, the anxiety inside, and second, the uncertainty about who you are. But here's the good news: you can take action to overcome these challenges!

1. Nourish yourself with loving relationships with good friends, including counselors. Relationships are the root of all good things! The more you recognize, accept, and see the good in friends, the stronger you'll become.

And of course, it's also great to nourish yourself with good relationships in your family of origin! The key in relationships is to learn to love others, to put dependence and control in the right perspective, and at the same time to learn to feel the love that others give you!

2. Learn to affirm yourself and cultivate a good sense of self. Self-esteem is an important feeling for a person to find their place in existence. And it's so important to remember that if you have a stable sense of self-esteem, you will not be swayed by the opinions of others!

This requires that we fully understand ourselves, know our strengths and weaknesses, feel in control, and at the same time positively recognize ourselves. And every small improvement and every small breakthrough is worth acknowledging, encouraging, and rewarding ourselves for!

This is not arrogance, it's a genuine discovery of oneself!

3. Focus on the things you love, let go of self-focus, and experience a sense of selfless involvement. All confidence comes from having control over yourself and a sense of competence in what you do.

So it is also important to invest more in things that interest you and experience a little bit of accumulation and progress—and you will!

I'm sure you've also tried mindfulness meditation, relaxation, and active exercise. They're all very effective and beneficial, so keep up the great work! Finally, I'd like to add that getting to know yourself well, doing what you like, and loving others well may be the way out of the dark vortex for all, and also the significance of human survival.

I wish you the best of luck and send you my warmest regards!

Greetings!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is a valuable process for the body.

From your description, I can sense that you may be experiencing some inner feelings of self-rejection, struggling with yourself, confusion, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

I won't delve into the specifics of the challenges you're facing due to your difficulty in accepting your imperfect self. However, I would like to offer three suggestions for your reflection:

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to try to understand yourself and accept your situation.

I believe that doing so may help to make your heart feel slightly lighter, which could then help you to think about what to do next.

You mentioned that you have been consulting for over two years and have gained a lot, and that you have recovered from 10 years of depression. However, you also said that you still have some problems, such as being strong-willed, aloof, sometimes emotional, unable to accept yourself, and being very concerned about what others say about you. I can understand your state of mind, because everyone has the potential to improve and wants to be better, even perfect. You said that you don't believe in yourself and that you also attack yourself, which is also normal, because you have been attacked and rejected many times before, and many people will become less confident. What's more, you were treated like that by your father, who is your family member. Being attacked and scolded by your family makes it even more likely that you will become dissatisfied with yourself. Moreover, people are narcissistic and crave the approval of others, which is one of the basic human needs. Therefore, your state of mind and thoughts are normal. You need to try to understand yourself, comfort yourself, and accept yourself. It can be difficult to accept an imperfect self when there are still a lot of negative emotions inside. This will take away your extra mental energy and make you think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will always be filled with various negative emotions.

It is also important to allow yourself to try to understand yourself and accept your current state, as this will make it possible to promote change in the status quo. While this may sound contradictory, it is nevertheless the truth, because change is based on allowing for no change.

If I might make a further suggestion, it would be to view your own state in a rational manner.

I believe that rational thinking can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and of reality.

To come to a logical acceptance of this, it would be helpful to consider the following three things:

First, it is important to recognize that nobody is perfect and that everyone has shortcomings or flaws.

When you understand this, it may help you feel better because you know that other people are also imperfect. This can help you slowly accept yourself.

Secondly, it is important to understand that accepting yourself does not mean that you will no longer change.

Perhaps you have this logic in your heart: accepting your imperfect self is the same as saying that you will never change again. In fact, this is not necessarily the case. Accepting your imperfections does not mean standing still. It means that when you see your shortcomings and inadequacies, you can accept the things that cannot be changed and change the things that can be changed.

If a person can accept themselves, they will likely accept their body and appearance from the heart. Even if they are not completely satisfied with every aspect of their body, they will still love their body and appearance. They will also protect themselves from negative comments. They will objectively absorb negative comments from others about themselves, admit their shortcomings, but will not be harsh on themselves or hate themselves. At the same time, they will believe that they have the ability to become better.

Third, it is important to recognize that the status quo can be altered if one is willing to make changes.

Once you have identified your shortcomings or flaws, it is important to distinguish between what can and cannot be changed. By allowing the latter to evolve naturally, you will gradually begin to recognize your strengths and learn to embrace yourself. To achieve this, it is essential to adopt a developmental perspective, acknowledging your abilities and the potential of time.

It's important to remember that change doesn't happen overnight. It's a gradual process.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to focus on yourself and consider what you can do to become a better person. With time, you may come to accept yourself more fully.

When you take a step back and look at the situation with a more objective perspective, you may also be able to identify potential solutions. At this point, it's important to focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, if you tend to be overly critical of yourself and have a hard time believing in your own abilities, you can remind yourself that your current self is different from the younger version who was often criticized by your father. As you recognize this distinction, you may gradually start to accept yourself more fully.

It might also help to remind yourself of your own merits when you're struggling to believe in yourself. It's a remarkable thing to overcome a decade-long depression. It's likely that you have other shining points, so it could be beneficial to look at them more often. This could also help you feel more confident in yourself and accept yourself more slowly.

If you care a great deal about what other people think, you might like to consider that while other people's opinions are important, your own opinion of yourself is the key. This is because if you keep going around in circles about what other people think, you may lose sight of who you are. When you can realize this, you can still look at your own strengths and weaknesses in a rational way, and you may find that you are less competitive as a result.

You might also consider targeting your shortcomings and making targeted changes. For instance, when you procrastinate, you could try telling yourself to get moving right away. When you are emotional, you could record your emotions and look at the triggers behind the mood changes. Over time, this could potentially lead to positive outcomes. In short, it's important to recognize that you have the capacity to make improvements in your current situation.

When you take action, you may find that the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally slowly dissolve, as sometimes action can be an effective way to overcome these emotions.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, you are welcome to click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom, and I would be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Good morning, my name is Jiang 61. I would like to thank you for placing your trust in us and for being willing to share your concerns in order to seek assistance.

You may find yourself thinking, "I'm always struggling to reconcile my inner self with my imperfections." You have sought counseling and identified three areas of concern. Let's take a closer look at each one and see if we can find some answers.

1. The issue

1⃣️ They are strong and resilient on the inside, but may come across as aloof and distrusting of themselves.

You mentioned that after being hurt many times at school and at home, and later going to university, they became distrustful of everyone, proud, independent, unconventional, and quite cynical. They also lost their belief in themselves, which is something I can relate to. My younger brother at home repeatedly stole money, quite a lot, and said he would change each time. However, he kept on doing it again and again. My problem is not quite the same, but similar. I have many recurring problems that I find difficult to address. I procrastinate. I'm not fully satisfied with myself, I don't believe in myself, I don't know how to trust myself, and I have some kind of aggression towards myself, scolding and not understanding, just like my father treated me back then.

I'm sorry to hear you've been hurt.

From what you have shared, it seems that you and your younger brother may have experienced similar forms of harm, potentially originating from within the family.

Children who may have experienced a lack of love and affection

It is not uncommon for children who feel unloved to exhibit certain behaviors in an attempt to gain their parents' attention and care. They may be aware that their actions are inappropriate and wrong, but the desire for attention can lead them to repeat these behaviors in an effort to win their parents' attention and receive more care.

Perhaps there is a lack of emotional connection.

It would seem that your younger brother is having an affair and has stolen a large amount of money. You haven't said what he used it for, but it's possible that he used it to find emotional connections, such as online games, live streaming rewards, and spending money on friends to bond. This may be because he lacks love and emotional connections in the family.

If he is unable to find it within himself, he may turn to external sources in search of solutions.

It might be helpful to consider the concept of "compulsory control."

Your parents had a strong influence on you and often encouraged you to do things in a way that was different from your own preferences. When faced with tasks that didn't align with your interests, you may have felt a sense of resistance and struggled to maintain focus and perseverance.

It would be beneficial to develop trust in yourself and others.

Overbearing parents may sometimes say hurtful things and deny their children, which can make them feel that nothing they do is right or good and lose their self-confidence. Their way of denying their children not only destroys their interest, but also, over time, makes them really doubt their abilities.

You may also doubt yourself because you tend to avoid difficulties or give up halfway through, perhaps because you lack perseverance, courage, or motivation. This can lead to doubts about your ability to accomplish something.

It might be said that you don't trust others because your defense mechanism is always on. You may be perceived as being wary of others.

You may be concerned that others might be able to gain insight into your inner world and perceive inconsistencies between it and your outward appearance, which could potentially lead to mistreatment or criticism.

It would be beneficial to recognize the tendency to self-attack and self-condemnation.

Your parents' approach may have inadvertently led to a certain degree of emotional suppression, which can result in pent-up feelings that may not have an outlet. It's understandable that you might direct these emotions towards yourself as a way of coping.

You may also tend to blame yourself for not being able to persevere and work hard, perhaps influenced by your father's example, rather than actively trying to find a solution.

Perhaps you could be described as a cynic.

Your cynicism may be influenced by the way your parents raised you in the family, which could have involved some rejection and dissatisfaction with you. You may have also learned to think like them in this kind of growing environment. This could lead to a negative attitude towards any problem, and a reluctance to accept things that don't go according to your will. You may feel that others' thoughts, words, or actions are not always positive or right. Over time, you may have also become more cynical.

2⃣️, Unaccepting yourself

It seems that you are not entirely happy in your life. You appear to be reluctant to engage in conflict with the world and to differentiate yourself from others.

Although you may not fully approve of other people's ways, you may also have some reservations about your own character and ways. In other words, the outward you and the inward you are two different people, which can sometimes lead to feelings of self-doubt.

I sense that you wish to be consistent, yet your outward appearance of aloofness, toughness, independence, and unconventionality may be a way of proving your strength. It's possible that you don't want people to look down on you, and that you deeply desire to connect with others and gain their approval. In this way, your pride may be a cover-up for your inner longing and emotional emptiness.

Due to the discrepancy between your inner longing and your outward appearance of strength and unconcern, you find yourself in a state of internal conflict, making it challenging for you to fully accept your own behavior and appearance.

3⃣, Emotional It would be beneficial to consider the emotional aspects of this situation.

You mentioned that you've experienced emotional challenges, including periods of depression and instability. I understand that you've considered seeking professional guidance for bipolar disorder. It's clear that you've faced difficulties in certain areas of your life and that you value the opinions of others, particularly in matters related to navigating the world. I'm curious to understand more about why you feel this way.

Could I respectfully propose that the reason for your emotional state may be...

It is possible that people may experience feelings of low mood when they feel a lack of emotional connection, when they are unable to express their emotions, or when they feel as though they have not achieved anything and are feeling anxious.

It would be beneficial to consider the following evaluation.

You tend to keep your emotions to yourself, rarely sharing your innermost thoughts with others. You are methodical and inflexible, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. You may come across as rigid and insensitive, and unable to adapt to changing circumstances. You are used to caring about what your parents think, and as you grow up, you care about what other people think.

This may also be why you are so easily influenced by other people's comments and become emotional.

2. Character-based

1⃣️, blaming + melancholy personality

From my perspective, it seems that your personality may be somewhat blaming and melancholy.

People with an accusatory personality may tend to ignore others, are used to attacking and criticizing, and blame others for their problems. They may often say things like "It's all your fault" or "What's wrong with you?"

From their inner experiences, it seems that accusatory types may sometimes find it challenging to succeed alone, but they often prefer to isolate themselves from others in order to maintain their authority. This could be a habit of interacting with others that you may have learned from your parents.

People with a melancholic personality may exhibit the following characteristics:

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

Your strengths include being sensitive and perceptive, as well as loyal and reliable. You are also talented and insightful.

Some areas for potential growth include: 1. Being stubborn, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive

It seems that your sensitivity, perfectionism, tendency to dwell on things, and self-centered personality may align with the profile of a melancholic personality type.

2⃣️, Inconsistency

As previously discussed, you seem to have a strong exterior, yet you may also have a more vulnerable inner self, concerned about being abandoned or looked down upon. This could be another aspect of your character.

It may also be a result of your long-term living environment.

3. How might we approach this in a constructive manner?

1. Consider your current situation with an open mind.

Your current state is the result of various external factors in the past, but the past is a fact that cannot be changed. It may be helpful to consider that dwelling on your past is not a productive use of your energy. Accepting your past and your current situation can help you to stop your sad emotions, get rid of the influence of the past, and come out of your grief.

2⃣️, consider limiting the influence of your original family

Your family of origin may have instilled in you a somewhat impersonal, distant, and lonely way of getting along with others. You may not be willing to accept this way of behaving or this state of life.

You may wish to consider ways of reducing the influence of your original family.

It would be beneficial to consider self-education.

While our family of origin may influence us, it is not necessarily responsible for all of our problems. We have the ability to make choices. As children, we were taught; as adults, we educate ourselves.

Perhaps we could consider reconciling with our original family, forgiving our parents for not learning from their mistakes in family education, understanding where the mistakes lie, and using them as lessons for our own future families. Turning something bad into something good allows us to learn from the past, understand the past, correct mistakes, and achieve self-growth.

I would like to express my gratitude to my parents for their upbringing, for their mistakes, and for reminding me that their path was not the right one for me, and that I can avoid making the same mistakes.

It may be helpful to consider ways to improve past habits.

By developing self-awareness, self-correction, and self-growth, you can work on improving your past character and bad temper, with the goal of becoming a kind, loving, good at communicating, empathetic, and right person. Through effective communication, you can achieve good communication and enhance emotional connection, which can then improve your interpersonal relationships.

We believe that your interpersonal relationships will improve, and that your worries will naturally decrease.

3⃣, Emotion management

In the past, you may have been prone to anger and irritability because you had not yet had the opportunity to release pent-up resentment. When similar situations occurred again, they triggered your memories and emotions, and venting allowed you to release the pent-up emotions.

When you accept yourself as you are, you may come to understand the influence of your family of origin and the source of your emotions, which could allow you to say goodbye to the past. This may result in your emotions being disturbed less.

It may also be helpful to consider that learning to manage emotions could be an important step in further improving family relationships, intimacy, and interpersonal relationships. Emotion management could be defined as:

It would be beneficial to recognize emotions.

If I might suggest, this is a good place to start when it comes to managing your emotions. When you have an emotion, it can be helpful to recognize what it is, such as anxiety, anger, sadness, and so on.

It may be helpful to accept the emotion.

It may be helpful to consider that healthy emotions are those that align with the situation at hand. When your emotional experience is in alignment with the objective event, you may find that the first indication is that your current emotions are normal. This could be seen as an acceptance of your emotions.

This may help to reduce emotional tension and restore calm.

It may be helpful to consider ways of expressing emotions.

Emotional expression is about sharing one's own emotions. It is often helpful to use "I" and "my feelings" as a starting point.

It would be beneficial to consider ways of cultivating emotions.

It would be beneficial to consider that emotion management also requires cultivation and practice. There are a number of ways this can be achieved.

It might also be helpful to consider that living a regular life can contribute to emotional stability.

2) Consider developing a hobby. Allow positive emotions to motivate you, love yourself, and appreciate the beauty of life.

3) Consider ways you can care for and look after others, and allow love to dwell in your heart. You may find it rewarding to help others, and to support people in taking care of themselves.

4) It might be helpful to consider spending time in nature, allowing the essence of heaven and earth to open your heart and soothe and stabilize your emotions.

5) It may be helpful to spend time with emotionally stable people to help reduce emotional disturbance and fluctuations.

If you learn to manage your emotions, you may find that you are able to connect with other people emotionally, which could help to reduce feelings of loneliness or isolation.

4⃣️, Consistency

If I might suggest, to truly let go of the past, you might consider learning to be consistent. Satir advocated consistency as a goal, and I believe it could be helpful for you to explore this approach.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the value of consistency.

I believe consistency means that I express what I desire, what I expect, what I feel, and what I really think. At the same time, I try to take into account your expectations and feelings, as well as the current situation.

This model is based on a high sense of self-worth, with the aim of achieving a harmonious interaction between the self, others, and the situation. People in this model demonstrate an inner awareness in their speech, with expressions and words that are aligned with this goal, and a harmonious balance within.

If I may, I would like to give a few examples.

For instance, if you find yourself in a situation where you disagree with someone's opinion, you may sometimes choose to ignore what they are saying, or you might not say anything at all, or you may go on and on about your own opinions without really engaging in a dialogue with the other person.

You believe your actions are noble, but you may have an underlying feeling that you don't deserve attention and that your opinion is the correct one. You may want others to follow your line of thinking and accept your ideas.

This is how you approach communication. However, it may come across as arrogant and unreasonable to others. They may perceive your communication style as self-absorbed and one-sided, and think you don't understand human nature.

I believe that not wanting to communicate with you may be inconsistent.

I believe that consistency is a way of showing respect for the other person. It involves first expressing disagreement with their opinion if I think it is wrong, and then explaining my own opinion and reasons, and asking the other person if they agree with me. I think that the best way to continue the conversation and keep communication open is to let the other person understand what you think, based on what, and the reasons why you say what you do. Everyone should lay out their views clearly.

In other words, your opinions and feelings are consistent, the belief expressed is also consistent, and the belief accepted by the other party is consistent with your expression. The words and actions are aligned.

If I may offer a suggestion, perhaps this answer will be helpful to you.

I wish you well in all your future endeavors.

Hi, I'm happy to share my thoughts with you.

After reading your description in detail, I think the main issue is that you haven't yet figured out who you are.

After reading your description in detail, I think the core problem is that you haven't figured out who you are.

This isn't an isolated case. It's actually pretty common. And it's caused by the external environment "compression." You can also say that the problems you describe aren't innate. They're the result of a combination of various factors.

1. Internal strength and arrogance.

The questioner has given some reasons for this, which are also very reasonable. Inner strength is another way of expressing a lack of security, which can be mixed with aggression. The same is true of arrogance. Even though they both lack a sense of security, the ways they express it are very different because it has to do with psychological defense mechanisms.

There's also a very descriptive term for these things: "personality masks." They exist to protect and satisfy our psychological needs that aren't met under normal circumstances.

Many people say they're cold and unemotional around strangers but chatter away to friends. It's because friends can make them feel safe and let their guard down, while strangers can't.

2. Unconventional, eccentric, cynical.

These three characteristics are a kind of psychological compensation mechanism that makes up for the lack of the "narcissistic" part of oneself. The narcissism here isn't the same as the narcissism we usually mean. In psychology, narcissism is an instinct of human beings, which can also be simply understood as a sense of self.

These three characteristics are a kind of psychological compensation mechanism that makes up for the lack of the "narcissistic" part of oneself. The narcissism here is not the same as the narcissism we usually mean. In psychology, narcissism is an instinct of human beings, which can also be simply understood as a sense of self.

Let me give you an example. For a baby, the subject of cognition is innate, while the object of cognition is acquired. Its mental activities include "I want," "I like," "I hate," "I am happy," and "I am sad." Understanding cognitive objects is also through the interests between the other party and "me." The core of some mental activities is "me." We call this instinct "narcissism."

If a person's needs in this area aren't met well or even seriously neglected in early childhood, they'll "compensate" in other ways, which is commonly known as "brushing up their sense of existence."

There's another possibility, too. These behaviors could be a way to release aggression.

Another possibility is that these behaviors are used as a way to release aggression.

3. Emotional problems.

3. Emotional problems.

Emotional disorders are low and unstable. I'm not sure if this can be understood as moodiness that has no clear cause.

This situation is often the result of emotions being ignored, suppressed, and not accepted. In addition to unconditional reflexes like the knee-jerk reflex, any behavioral manifestation is supported by internal mental activity. However, this doesn't mean we can perceive all of our mental activity. Freud called it the "unconscious."

I'll give you an example. There's a fish called the subconscious mind. Every time it surfaces, it's tapped with a stick. It stops surfacing and decides to live at the bottom of the lake forever. But every now and then, it spits out a bubble that still causes a ripple on the calm lake surface. No one knows where the bubble comes from, and we are that lake.

So, the best way to deal with these emotional issues is to uncover the hidden parts of the subconscious and reshape how we perceive them.

4. The issue of not accepting oneself.

4. The issue of not accepting oneself.

This brings us back to the question we asked at the beginning: "Who am I?" If you don't know who you are, how can you accept yourself?

This brings us back to the question we asked at the beginning: "Who am I?" If you don't know who you are, how can you accept yourself?

It's not that you don't accept yourself, it's that the world around you makes it difficult to do so. We often get tripped up on this because we think acceptance and approval are one and the same. But approval is a value judgment, and we can't be judged by those standards because our existence is our greatest value.

It's not that you don't accept yourself, it's that the world around you makes it difficult to do so. We often get tripped up on this because we think acceptance and approval are one and the same. But approval is a value judgment, and it's not something we can really make. After all, our existence is the greatest value to us.

It's tough for folks to grasp who they really are. "I" is a pretty abstract and complex concept, and our thinking tends to gravitate towards a simple model of right and wrong, good and bad. The benefit of this model is that it's more certain, and this certainty can give people a sense of security based on biological instincts.

The "Water Margin" description of Lu Zhishen has a great explanation of the "Who am I?" question. After the Fang La expedition, Lu Zhishen went back to the monastery. He thought about his life and this question. Shi Naian gave the answer in a poem: "I haven't done many good deeds. I've just killed and set fire to things. Then I realized that the person who sees injustice and stands up for strangers is me. The person who drinks and eats meat and overturns Wenshu Temple is me. The person who travels thousands of miles to escort his brothers is me. The person who fights in the rivers and lakes is also me. All those kindnesses and crimes that fly away like a bird into the mud are also me. He had an epiphany and accepted himself.

There's no reason not to accept yourself, even if you don't approve of everything about you. People are the foundation of everything, so accepting yourself is essential.

The parts of ourselves that we don't recognize—or that others don't recognize—are just a small part of who we are. If there's a standard that says we should be rejected if there are parts of ourselves that we don't recognize, then we shouldn't exist as a species, right?

Let's take "unaware of human nature" as an example. He said that if you say you are unaware of human nature, then you are unaware of human nature. Does he define human nature?

It's pretty ridiculous to think that someone who understands human nature would accuse others of not understanding it.

As adults, no matter what we've been through, we have to believe in our ability to change ourselves. Everyone's life has uncontrollable parts, and how we handle those we can control really determines what kind of person we'll become. The formation of cognition isn't something that happens overnight, and change doesn't happen naturally.

5. About being influenced by others.

The crux of the matter is a sense of boundaries. It's not something you can measure objectively, so you have to define your own boundaries. If you have strong boundaries, you might become indifferent and self-centered, while if you have weak boundaries, you might be too susceptible to the influence of others.

Not all relationships are the same, so it's important to set different levels of boundaries for each one. One standard doesn't fit all.

It can be tough to let someone change completely on their own. You've been doing counseling for two years now and have made a lot of progress. Keep up the good work! Believe in yourself and stick with it.

I'm Xiao Dong, your psychological counselor. I wish you a happy life!