I have conflicts with my roommate and there is a rift between us. Have I made improvements?

Hello!

Your writing is a joy to read! The story is engaging and thought-provoking, and the details are so rich.

For example, the roommate's complaint against the waiter may seem like a defense of rights, but it seems like he is showing off, and it does not show the kind of self-respect and self-love that enriches the soul.

About you: It seems like you go out together every Saturday, which is great! Given the current development of the times, with the premise of respecting individual independence and space, fixed activities can sometimes be difficult to refuse. Which time you can't participate for some reason?

The more regular it becomes, the more it becomes a potential psychological burden.

You feel a sense of pressure and embarrassment when sharing your favorite ramen with others. But if everyone could be more understanding and respect your preferences and dietary restrictions, everyone would be happy!

However, things didn't turn out quite as you had hoped.

I really hope that next time I can enjoy my favorite ramen all by myself! I'm not going to worry about what anyone else thinks.

Instead, use your mature thinking to bring yourself the self-satisfaction of a bowl of ramen!

"Small and insignificant" is just a figure of speech. In reality, you are anything but! In the spiritual world you have gradually built for yourself, you are anything but!

For example, in the story you tell through that bowl of ramen, you get to look at your own experiences and also at their choices!

I wish you all the best!

Hello. I can see the conflict between you and your roommate and the confusion it has caused you. You were clearly upset when you were eating Japanese food. You wanted to eat what you wanted, but you were forced to order something else and pay for it yourself.

Your story makes it clear that you are sad. You have always treated your roommate as a friend, so when you find that it is not as good as you imagined, you feel lost and sad. I would probably feel the same way.

If it happens just once or twice, it's manageable. But if similar incidents happen frequently, it means there are big differences between you. You can't expect to reconcile these differences. You have to accept that you'll always have differences while trying to find common ground.

You said your relationship with your roommates during your undergraduate studies was not very harmonious. You need to do some soul-searching. Was it necessary to have arguments with your roommates?

It's inevitable that conflicts will arise when everyone lives under the same roof and is together a lot. Different opinions will lead to arguments. Ultimately, no one can convince the other, which makes it very tiring to get along. It's no surprise that people find it boring.

Look at those friends and classmates who are at ease in interpersonal relationships and learn from them. Meet people who make you feel comfortable. What are they like?

What did they say or do that made you feel comfortable? Learn from them.

Finally, it's a matter of expectations. If you feel that the greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment, then keep a normal heart and don't have too many hopes for others.

Best wishes.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. Life is a beautiful journey.

You've grown up and had more experiences. In college, roommates were close and spent a lot of time together. You had a good team culture and went on group trips every Saturday, which helped you maintain relationships.

But this also causes problems. It makes you think more, be more aware, and become more aware of yourself.

People are different, and things happen by chance, so there's no need to force things.

The food and selfies are just examples. Everyone has different opinions and feelings.

No one else can understand and accept you unconditionally, and it is unlikely that they will take care of your feelings unconditionally.

When you're away from home, the minority obeys the majority. There's a group-building activity once a week. The fairest and most reasonable system is to go Dutch. If you want to eat noodles, you can eat them yourself after the activity. There's no need to make everyone accommodate you.

If a friend complains about a waiter, a good friend stays silent. Badmouthing others hurts relationships and friendships.

University is a small society. Build your own connections and break through circles through observation.

Your relationships will last a lifetime. While you're still a student, get some experience.

In school, relationships were more complex. In the workplace, colleagues are more competitive, but you can still make friends.

In getting along with others, be aware of your own patterns: whether you go your own way, struggle to fit in, or find it hard to tolerate others.

You can also see how you get along with others.

From every experience, you can see your own share of responsibility. Take the initiative to take responsibility and grow.

To succeed, you need to be sociable and have a good emotional quotient.

Dealing with people is a way of life. It's comfortable and doesn't embarrass others. It's a subject of study and a practice for life.

Get along with others and feel at ease, whether you're alone or in a group.

I hope this helps. I love you.

To continue the exchange, follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, classmate.

It's not uncommon for residents of dormitories to experience conflicts. You are not immune to this either. Dormitory life is like a small society. It is a close-knit group of people outside of our family life. You have expressed a desire to have more good friendships and have been trying hard to adapt. However, when others cannot pay attention to your needs, you may unconsciously distance yourself from them to "express" your dissatisfaction with being ignored.

I wonder if I might ask you to consider whether you are more socially outgoing or less so.

How might we understand the differences between being gregarious and ungregarious? When someone needs to be gregarious, that is, when they need relationships, it's natural that no one absolutely likes to be alone. Having friends means that when we are lonely, our friends are willing to stay with us, even if it means putting aside what they need to do at the time.

I believe that this kind of deep mutual warmth requires mutual efforts to care for the friendship. Just as you mentioned, when eating together, they care more about doing something "together," which means they can accommodate each other's tastes and express their feelings, such as "I didn't eat enough noodles, I should have ordered an extra serving." They can see the compromises each has made for the other and the value they place on the relationship.

It is also possible that being an outsider is a choice we make when we are unwilling to go the extra mile for others. Being alone may mean no more ties and attachments, but it could also mean more loneliness and isolation. As long as this is a choice you make on your own initiative, being an outsider is worthy of respect.

It is worth noting that in life, a significant proportion of social isolation can be attributed to a lack of interpersonal skills. This can result in individuals feeling that they are not sufficiently tolerant and that they are rejected by others, leading them to seek solitude. It is important to recognise that these individuals may also experience feelings of loneliness and sadness.

It might be said that any socially awkward person who begins to face the reality of their own disapproval and slowly learns to become more and more confident will also find it easier to be accepted by others and will have the opportunity to develop a deep friendship.

From this perspective, how might you consider re-examining your own pattern of making friends? What could you do to make your postgraduate school life more enjoyable, more memorable, and to develop more valuable friendships?

I have faith in your ability to learn and grow, and I believe you will find ways to form meaningful connections.

Hello! It sounds like you usually get along really well with your roommates, which is great! However, when you hang out together, you notice differences between you and them, which can sometimes lead to a few conflicts. It's totally normal to rethink your relationship with them when that happens.

It's so true that relationships are complicated! We all feel different things at different times, and there are so many reasons why. We're all different, with different personalities, preferences, upbringings, and ways of expressing ourselves. Building a relationship means learning to navigate all of that. There might be some bumps along the way, but there will also be some amazing breakthroughs! When that happens, you can adjust your relationship positioning and boundaries to make it even better.

There's a lovely saying in our society that lovers should go on a trip together before getting married. It's a great way to see how you both respond to each other and how the relationship will fare when you're apart. Plus, it's a wonderful opportunity to learn and understand each other better as friends.

I had a similar experience after reading the part about taking photos. Whenever I go on a trip with a few close friends of many years, they are all "photo-lovers (fanatics) :)". I'm a very sociable person in real life, but I've never been interested in taking photos. When my friends are happily taking and admiring the beautiful photos, I become an outsider.

I have to say that I really had mixed feelings in that particular situation. On the one hand, I really wasn't interested in taking pictures, and it felt quite tedious to have to wait there with the group. On the other hand, it also created a sense of strangeness. We have been friends for ten to twenty years, so of course we have a close relationship, but there are definitely times when we can't get close to each other.

All relationships are similar, really. Whether it's an intimate relationship, a parent-child relationship, or a friendship, it's just not possible for different individuals to be completely consistent and integrated. So, where exactly are the boundaries? And in what situations is intimacy and trust appropriate? And when should you distance yourself? It might take some time to explore, but you'll get there!

For example, with those close friends, I'm happy to be a bystander when it comes to taking photos, but I really connect with them in other ways, like discussing life issues, playing sports, and sharing books. You said that you usually feel that your roommates are more mature and rational, which I'm sure is something you admire. Perhaps you can approach this aspect in your studies and life.

As for whether or not to go out with them, which activities to participate in and which to skip, or how to adjust expectations, you may wish to try things your way and see how the relationship develops and how you feel. I think that's a great idea!

And don't forget that time is also a big factor in relationships. You can give yourself more time to experience the dynamics of the relationship and wait for it to gradually stabilize.

It's totally normal to have conflicts and misunderstandings when you're dealing with people, especially in group activities. The situation you described involves differences in personal preferences, communication styles, and expectations, which can sometimes lead to a rift. Don't worry, though! I've got some suggestions to help improve your relationship with your housemates.

1. **Communicate and express**: When you feel dissatisfied, it's really important to let your roommates know in a kind and honest way. Find a good time to have a chat with them privately about how you're feeling and what you'd like to change. Tell them why you're feeling uncomfortable and what you'd like to happen instead.

2. **Set expectations**: It's always a good idea to be clear about your expectations and boundaries in group activities. If you don't like having your photo taken or being in a noisy environment, just let people know in advance so they can take your feelings into account during the activity.

3. **Self-reflection**: Take a moment to think about why you're so sensitive about these things. It's totally normal to feel a certain way not just because of the event itself, but also because of our expectations of ourselves and our expectations of the relationship.

4. **Seek common ground**: It's always a great idea to try to find common ground with your roommate! You might find activities or ways that everyone can feel involved and enjoy.

5. **Respect differences**: It's totally normal for you and your housemates to differ in some ways. Be sure to respect each other's choices and preferences, and don't force anyone to adapt to you.

6. **Professional help**: If you find that these issues are seriously affecting your emotions and life, please don't hesitate to seek professional psychological counseling.

7. Even when disagreements arise, it's important to maintain basic courtesy and respect. Try to avoid arguing in public or in front of others, as this can sometimes make things worse.

8. Give time: It'll take a little while to change and repair relationships, but it'll be worth it! Be patient with each other as you adjust and adapt.

9. It's important to remember that you have the right to choose not to participate in certain activities if they make you feel uncomfortable. At the same time, it's also important to respect the choices of your housemates.

10. **Find alternatives**: If you're not feeling the Saturday hangout with your housemates, why not try something new? There are so many other ways to relax and socialize, like joining an interest group or attending a lecture.

It's so important to remember that everyone has their own personality and preferences. It's all about finding a balance that makes everyone feel comfortable and respected. You can help improve your relationship with your housemates through positive communication and appropriate boundary setting.

Hello, Coach Yu here. Let's talk about this topic.

Everyone has friends. Some are close, some are distant. You can get close to people with similar interests, habits, values, and upbringings. Friendship is about respect and support.

The original poster was right. I was too idealistic about the relationship. I thought that spending time together would bring us closer, but it didn't work out.

Ask yourself if they're reasonable, mature, and share your values and interests.

Is it similar to your upbringing?

Let's talk about boundaries again. When it comes to getting along with roommates, we can't accept them all. We can accept the parts of each other that make us comfortable. Similarly, we can't expect our roommates to buy into all of our expectations. We can try to get along in a mutually suitable area. We can't be in tune with every roommate in every way. The differences between people determine the overlapping parts that are different for each of our friends. This is also the boundary of our interpersonal relationships.

Many emotional and interpersonal problems are caused by a lack of boundaries. When our boundaries are violated, our bodies react.

We all want to be close to others and help them, but we need to set boundaries. It's not that our love is insufficient, but that we need to accept our limits.

The questioner was right. We can't play together. They have their own world and aren't curious about mine.

We can ask ourselves, the AA diet made me feel bad. What were my thoughts? What emotions did it bring out? If I had said I wanted to eat alone, what would I have said?

What will happen?

When a roommate tells us a story about a bad review, we can ask ourselves what we really want. If we have had such an experience before, how would we feel if our roommate commented on it this way?

Write about your feelings. This will help us understand emotions and the root of the problem.

Love yourself. Bad emotions impact your life, but you noticed yours and have clear values. Start by caring for yourself, your body, and your feelings.

We can tell our roommates we have plans on Saturday and won't be able to join the team-building activities. We wish them a happy time and hope to plan a joint outing next time.

If you need help, find someone you trust to talk to. You can also find a counselor.

We can also learn more about ourselves, find our value, and build our social support system. When you are confident, others feel comfortable with you. You always have the right to choose.

Recommended book: "Be Yourself"

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan, a consultant in the fine-stream genre.

From the questioner's description, it is clear that they are confused about interpersonal relationships and their desire for them. In interpersonal relationships, there are indeed some complex emotions and contradictions. Getting along with others is indeed a complex and delicate process, especially in a shared living environment, such as in group life.

Everyone has different personalities, interests, and habits, and these differences can sometimes lead to conflicts and misunderstandings. From the questioner's description, it is clear that the questioner is experiencing difficulties getting along with his roommate.

Regarding eating habits, it is true that everyone has different tastes and eating habits, and it is sometimes difficult to be completely unified. This is a common problem in shared living. However, it is important to communicate and compromise when choosing a restaurant or food.

The questioner's desire to eat a bowl of noodles alone is perfectly reasonable. However, due to everyone's different arrangements, this resulted in an unpleasant experience. The questioner should communicate with their roommates in advance to find a solution that is acceptable to everyone. Alternatively, they can suggest taking turns choosing restaurants or foods.

In interpersonal relationships, everyone has their say, and it depends on many factors as to whether or not it needs to be taken seriously. Regarding the roommate's comments at the dinner table, the questioner has expressed his own views, but the other person does not seem to accept them.

In this case, more understanding and communication are needed. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions, and we must learn to respect and accept different views.

If the other person's tone or attitude makes you uncomfortable, speak up. Express your feelings calmly and work towards a solution that's acceptable to both of you.

Take photos. It's a common social activity. If you don't like having your photo taken, that's fine. Just try to understand and respect your interest.

You should also share your interests and ideas with them so they can learn more about your world. Communication and understanding between people are mutual. A deeper connection can only be established when both parties are willing to open up.

It's important to understand that feeling ignored in group activities is a common problem. In a group, everyone has different personalities and interests, and it's not always easy for everyone to fully participate and integrate.

If the questioner feels uncomfortable in this situation, they should actively communicate with their roommates, express their thoughts and feelings, and find a way to get along that is more suitable for everyone.

The decision the OP makes about how she feels about her roommate and about the relationship should be respected. I understand the OP's disappointment and decision. Sometimes getting along with other people is not as good as we expect, but that doesn't mean we can't learn and grow from it.

The questioner can choose to maintain a superficial roommate relationship while also looking for other social circles and establishing deeper connections with like-minded people.

Both parties must maintain and manage relationships. If the questioner has concerns about their relationship with their roommates, they should communicate with them proactively, understand each other, and be tolerant.

You must also learn to protect your own rights and feelings. Don't let yourself be ignored or feel uncomfortable all the time. The most important thing is to maintain a calm state of mind and not have too high expectations of the relationship. This will help you avoid unnecessary stress and distress.

Reflect on your behavior and expectations. Make adjustments where necessary. Self-improvement is a continuous process.

Let me be clear: getting along with other people requires time, patience, and effort. If you don't feel happy in a relationship, you can—and should—make changes. When you do, the relationship will change.

The questioner must find their own balance and happiness.

I am confident that my answer will help the questioner.

I also recommend the following books:

The Weakness of Human Nature is a classic by Dale Carnegie and is regarded as one of the bibles of social skills. It provides the practical suggestions and techniques you need to improve your interpersonal relationships and enhance your personal influence.

If you want to improve your interpersonal skills, you need to read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. It explores the key factors in interpersonal relationships, including sincerity, praise, and listening.

From your account, it is evident that you have had varying experiences with your roommates during your undergraduate and graduate studies, as well as the current challenges you are confronting. Your graduate school roommates appear to be more rational and mature, yet recent conflicts have prompted you to re-examine the relationship.

First and foremost, conflicts over food and drink can readily give rise to disagreeable circumstances due to discrepancies in personal preferences and dietary practices. In such instances, it is advisable to engage in advance communication with your roommate to articulate your thoughts and requirements and ascertain whether a mutually agreeable solution can be reached.

Additionally, it is important to respect the choices of others and avoid being excessively demanding.

Secondly, with regard to the comments made by housemates at the dinner table, it is inevitable that each individual will hold their own opinions and positions, and that there will be occasions when consensus cannot be reached. In such instances, it is advisable to remain calm and rational, and to refrain from responding to the other person's comments with excessive emotion.

In the event that one finds the opposing viewpoint challenging to accept, it is possible to decline participation in the discussion or to strive for impartiality and fairness when expressing one's own perspective.

Furthermore, you have indicated that you frequently experience feelings of exclusion or marginalization during social gatherings. This may be attributed to your personality and interests, or it may be influenced by the dynamics of your living arrangement.

In this case, one may attempt to assume the role of initiator and engage in activities, or propose activities aligned with one's interests to ascertain whether this could enhance the situation. Concurrently, it is essential to cultivate the capacity to accept and respect the differences of others, refraining from the urge to conform to their worldview.

Ultimately, the decision regarding continued participation in Saturday activities with one's housemates is at the discretion of the individual. Should these activities cease to hold personal significance or evoke negative emotions, it may be advisable to reduce one's involvement or explore alternative activities that align more closely with one's preferences.

In any case, it is advisable to maintain politeness and respect, as well as to preserve the fundamental aspects of the roommate relationship.

In conclusion, it is an unavoidable reality that conflicts and disagreements will arise when residing with others. The crucial aspect is how to effectively address and respond to these challenges. By contemplating and modifying one's attitude and conduct, it is possible to enhance one's relationships with housemates and identify a more harmonious coexistence.