I have discovered that I have a pleasing personality and fear conflict. What should I do?

Hello, questioner. From your question, I understand that you are a people pleaser, afraid of conflict in your daily life, and used to catering to others. Even if you are already very uncomfortable, you may find yourself suppressing your emotions and catering to the other person to achieve superficial harmony. However, in the long run, you may feel very uncomfortable and even want to break off with this friend.

It's interesting to note that you may find yourself persuading yourself not to care too much. You may even doubt whether it is your own problem, and you may not know how to balance this contradiction. This could result in you falling into a state of internal consumption.

From this statement, I can see that you are a person with emotional stability and strong self-control. Even though you are already very dissatisfied with the other person, you can still overcome your emotions and achieve superficial harmony, which is not an easy task.

In comparison to impulsive and reckless behavior, your behavior and reaction may help you achieve your goal to a certain extent. From this perspective, it could be said that your social intelligence is quite high, as you are able to pay attention to the feelings of the other person and adjust your attitude accordingly.

I must say, that is very considerate of you.

However, it's important to remember that every situation has two sides. If you find yourself constantly compromising and giving in, it might come across as a lack of principle or cowardice to others. True high emotional intelligence is the ability to empathize with the feelings of others and to be able to express your own feelings rationally.

Prolonged suppression may not be the most preferred option for you, which could result in feelings of unfriendliness and anxiety at certain times. It's important to remember that emotions won't disappear just because you hide them.

I believe this may be the source of your internal conflict. Perhaps you could try sticking to your own views and attitudes, even if only once.

It may be helpful to consider sharing your thoughts and feelings with the other person, explaining the facts and reasons, and allowing them to respond as they see fit. If you can navigate this challenge, you may find that you can resolve the situation of the so-called pleasing personality and fear of conflict.

It might also be helpful to consider why you are afraid of conflict. What are the reasons you have identified? What is the worst that could happen if you were to address the issue? If the conflict is not the result of a deliberate act, but rather a difference of opinion in the situation at hand, it might be worth exploring whether there is another perspective you could take. Voicing your disagreement could potentially lead to a more favourable outcome.

Another personality type is the "compliant personality type." You may have heard of psychoanalytic theories and understand the origins of compliance. In many cases, it is a self-defense mechanism in relationships.

Furthermore, it is important to note that personality classification is largely a practice employed by schools of psychology for the sake of explanation and elaboration. It may be beneficial to consider not placing such a significant label on oneself. Personality can be understood as a consistent and unified pattern of behavior that we display.

If you are open to trying new things and making changes, you can gradually reduce the ingratiating behaviors that are part of your personality.

I hope this information is helpful to you!

Dear questioner,

Hi, I'm Kelly, and I just had to reach out and chat with you today after reading this topic.

✍️[About the pleasing personality type]

It's so interesting how everyone's personality is multifaceted, complex, and contradictory, not just one-sided!

There was no distinction between right and wrong, good and bad. When we become aware of this, we can better control the situation.

Let's dive right in and chat about how our personalities take shape!

When we were born, the first people we saw were our parents and family. From the moment we were born, we were destined to be inseparable from our original family and have a close relationship with our parents.

For example, my pleasing personality type was shaped by the following circumstances in my original family:

When I was young, my parents had a lot on their plate raising three children. I was born in the 1970s, a time of scarce resources. My parents worked hard to provide for us and keep us warm and well-fed, bless them!

Back then, we often saw our mother scold and beat us. Our father and her relationship was very unstable. He was gentle, while she was hot-tempered. She often lost her temper and had hysterics. She and our father didn't get along. In order to earn more money, she was also often busy day and night.

At that time, she often hit us. When she finished arguing with my father, we could see that she was scared and uneasy, poor thing. She knew that if she did anything wrong, she would be beaten up.

Growing up in this environment, I tend to be a bit timid, cautious, fearful, uneasy, and humble.

When they were young, they just couldn't resist joining their friends in play.

At the same time, they do their very best to make their parents happy, to help them with whatever they can, and they really, really hope that their parents will stop arguing, scolding, and fighting.

Parents are only human, after all. They often argue and get upset, and their attitude towards their children is often emotional.

If, in my original family, my parents were particularly short-tempered with my siblings and overbearing, not allowing us to speak back, and if my mother would yell at us and even hit us if we made the slightest mistake,

At that time, we were still children, so how could we possibly avoid being beaten or scolded by our parents?

All kids want to make their parents happy, and they often try to do so by being careful, being subservient, and being ingratiating.

Many articles written by psychology teachers tell us that if this goes on for too long, it can really affect how we interact with others as adults. It can make us feel like we need to please others to fit in.

Let's talk about relationships with others!

Once I realized that I was a people-pleaser, it all made sense! I finally understood why I was so willing to cater to others in my relationships. I started to care for myself when I met a wonderful psychological counselor.

In 2006, I was really struggling in my relationships. I was being so kind to others, but I was suffering, feeling depressed, and uncomfortable myself. I didn't even dare to express it, and I was really struggling with depression.

From that moment on, I truly began to awaken little by little.

In the past, I was too nice to others and let them belittle me and hurt my self-esteem. I gave others the power, and I replicated the relationships in my family.

I've come to realize that there's a big difference between parents and other people.

In the past, I didn't break away from the character I had formed. I didn't see myself, and the people around me were no longer "parents." They had no right to belittle me or hurt me, and I had no reason to please them.

When I started to become aware of my discomfort, I began to see long-suppressed emotions. I also saw that I had no boundaries, insufficient subject-object differentiation, and insufficient self-differentiation.

I have to admit that I have even less respect for my own feelings, take care of my self-esteem, and treat the relationships around me as if they were "relationships" in my original family.

??[Self-growth]

There's a lovely saying that I really love: we love ourselves, and others will love us; we respect ourselves, and others will respect us.

This "me" needs to look after myself, you know?

The little girl I used to be needs me to see her, encourage her, and accept her now that I've grown up.

The first step on my journey of growth was to learn:

1: I've learned to say no, and it's made all the difference! I like to read books, and my friends like to play, so I kindly decline and thank the other person for the invitation. (A gentle but firm refusal)

2: Choose to learn how to work with good people in the workplace, to work with people who know how to respect others, to do your own thing well, and to learn how to say no to things that aren't your business.

3: It's so important to explore yourself more, find people who can encourage and appreciate each other, affirm yourself more, and appreciate the merits of others. You should also learn from their strengths!

And you can also find your own interests and hobbies and make friends you like!

4: Friends and work are both optional. It's so important to see more of our own merits, learn and grow at all times. As the saying goes, if you bloom, the breeze will come!

5: We can't please everyone, just as we can't fully please our parents, family, and friends when we grow up. So, be yourself and enjoy your own company! In your own company, you'll learn what you like and don't like.

? [Improve yourself to please others]

Even though I've also experienced pain and confusion along the way, there are so many wonderful things about being a pleasing type!

1: This lovely person is gentle, not fond of conflict, and after setting boundaries, has found many good friends and mutual respect. (It's so important to learn to set boundaries and distinguish between your own affairs and those of others, as well as between your own relationships and those of others.)

2: The lovely, kind, and understanding type has lots of friends.

All human relationships are always a matter of two people. It's so important to remember that both people must give, and when I give first, it will attract like-minded people.

3: Summarize your experience. We'd love to hear more about your experience! Do you think there are more advantages or more disadvantages? (If there are some disadvantages that don't prevent us, then let them exist, as long as they are reasonable and don't touch the bottom line of morality, as long as they are acceptable.)

4: Once you've found your perfect match, you'll feel right at home, and your friends will feel the same way!

It's only when we learn to make ourselves comfortable that we understand that distance allows friends to also be comfortable in the relationship.

5: When we find a meaningful relationship, it's because the relationship between us and the other person is meaningful to our lives. (Does it help us grow or help us awaken, or do we see our shortcomings in the relationship and grow from there?)

Everything has two sides, and we'll grow together, my friend!

Hi, I'm Kelly!

I'm so happy for you!

I love you, world!

Hello, question asker! My name is Zi Ding Ya Xiang, and it's so great to meet you. I'm here to help you solve your problems, and I'm excited to get started!

I have carefully read the content of the questioner's confession. I have endured my friend's negativity, incomprehension, and belittlement of you out of fear of conflict. But at the same time, I have suffered a backlash and have not found a fulcrum to balance the relationship—and I'm ready to find one!

Let's sort this out together!

I'm really excited to find out how long the friend has known the questioner! If they're a true friend, they won't make you feel uncomfortable.

Absolutely! We should definitely put more emphasis on the emotional acceptance of the two people.

For the questioner, if this kind of situation arises in a friendship that makes you feel uncomfortable, you need to consider the following points, which will help you navigate these tricky situations with ease!

1. Principles for Making Friends: You have the power to set your own principles for choosing friends!

For example, friends should stick together and support each other. They should never betray each other, disagree with each other's values, or avoid people who make them feel uncomfortable. People are divided into groups, and things gather together in groups.

So, choose friends whose values, outlook on life, and moral values are consistent with your own! It's the key to becoming a great partner in life!

2. The questioner is confident and independent. It's so important to learn to express your own thoughts in your relationships with friends. And it's also key to stand up for yourself when you need to say no to a request.

If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, take the initiative and let the other person know! We are all equal, and that's a wonderful thing.

It's time to learn how to be confident and independent! This is the key to being able to handle any problems that come your way.

3. Don't punish yourself for other people's mistakes! Spending time with friends might make you feel a little uncomfortable, but that's okay! You can comfort yourself to accept it, and then you'll be ready to enjoy your time with friends to the fullest.

This is not the way to live your life! Treat others the way you want them to treat you. When there is a difference from expectations, stop in time. Your body is your own, so love yourself first and then love others!

You don't need to please anyone—you are you! Be more confident and independent, and let your light shine!

Good day. I am He Jin, a psychological counselor, and I am pleased to respond to your inquiry.

You have indicated that you possess a personality type that is inclined to please others, which has the effect of causing you to neglect your own needs and even engage in self-abusive behaviors.

You are not pleased with this aspect of your personality, and even if I want to offer you my appreciation, I am somewhat hesitant to do so because I believe you may be reluctant to accept it.

There is a pervasive sense of aimlessness and desolation. When I bring this up, I am curious if you have any insights to contribute or corrections to make.

All actions, including those perceived as catering and pleasing, have inherent rationality. Behavior is driven by a purpose.

Perhaps it was once the optimal choice, but that is no longer the case.

The brain is an intelligent organ, and it typically selects the path of least resistance, which is our habitual mode of thinking and behaving.

It is often recognized that the familiar is not necessarily comfortable. However, the tendency to continue with familiar patterns of thought, action, and speech persists due to the ease with which these patterns can be activated without conscious effort.

This has resulted in the formation of an automated mode that can be initiated without conscious input.

Could you please elaborate on the role that the "pleasing personality" you mentioned in your life has played in your past experiences? How did it help you to avoid attacks, and what benefits did you gain from this approach?

Fortunately, you have reached an age where you are aware that this kind of behavior is not acceptable. You have come to recognize that you are causing yourself pain and shame, and you are ready to make a change.

It is not straightforward to be aware of this, which demonstrates your capacity to experience your own feelings in the present. You are to be commended.

✊ Plato likened the human mind to a chariot driven by two horses: intellect and emotion. The charioteer is the conscious self.

It is our objective to maintain a state of harmony.

Emotions appear to impede rational thinking and judgment. It seems that emotions are an impediment to effective decision-making.

It may be necessary to utilize two horses to propel the chariot forward.

Then we must experience our emotions, perceive ourselves, learn to name our emotions, and incorporate our experiences into our life experiences to form a unique identity.

✊Boundaries are a fundamental aspect of personal and professional development. Establishing clear boundaries allows individuals to learn and explore what consistent communication looks like. In some cases, seeking guidance from a professional psychologist can facilitate simultaneous adjustments.

You must have a vision of what you want your future to look like. Keep up the good work!

Hello, I'm Jiang 61. I'm grateful for the opportunity to answer your question.

Secondly, I would like to offer my personal thoughts on the matter for your reference.

1. The issue

You inquire, "What should I do if I recognize that I am a people pleaser and I am fearful of conflict?"

You have come to recognize that you possess a personality that is generally agreeable because you are deeply uneasy about engaging in conflict with others. This is a positive quality. It can assist you in identifying your own issues, determining their underlying causes, and working towards a resolution.

1⃣️, the pleasing personality

You mentioned that you consider yourself to be a pleasing personality type because you are afraid of conflict. This has led you to become accustomed to catering to others, even in situations where the other person may deny, misunderstand, or belittle your feelings. Despite this discomfort, you have learned to suppress your emotions in order to maintain superficial harmony.

As you have described, the pleasing personality type is indeed afraid of conflict and tends to cater to others. Could I ask where this comes from?

It would be beneficial to consider the influence of the original family.

It is thought that the root cause of the formation of a pleasing personality is trauma caused by childhood experiences, which can result in personality distortion. Childhood is not solely defined by the unconditional love of parents.

It seems that you received conditional love from your parents. This may have been due to a lack of approval of your words, actions, and thoughts.

The influence of one's family

I wonder if, in your family of origin, one parent may have been dominant, and that things had to be done according to their wishes. It seems that if you didn't do things their way, they might have been upset, and the family might have been in chaos. As a child, you were more gentle and perhaps didn't have any direct conflicts with your parents. You knew the consequences of conflict and could only swallow your anger to gain peace.

Over time, they may become accustomed to following the wishes of their parents, which can sometimes result in a reluctance to express their own opinions. This can lead to a tendency to prioritize the approval of others.

The effects of growing up can be complex.

You have become accustomed to catering to your parents, and as an adult, you find yourself catering to others. You crave the approval and acceptance of others.

As a result, you may find yourself holding back from sharing your feelings and opinions. Even when you are rejected or belittled, you may feel a sense of discomfort, but find it challenging to respond in a way that is both constructive and respectful. This can lead to a tendency to suppress your emotions in order to maintain harmony and please others.

Personality

People who are pleasing to others may sometimes neglect their own needs and feelings, and may have a low sense of inner value. Their words may sometimes reveal a tendency to take on too much responsibility, or to prioritize the happiness of others over their own.

In their behavior, they tend to be overly kind and accustomed to apologizing and seeking forgiveness. They are considerate of others.

I must admit that I don't often take the time to consider my own feelings.

In terms of personality, they are more likely to be gentle, humble, tolerant, and optimistic. However, it is possible that they may flatter those they like and approve of. There are also other personality types, such as calm-type personalities.

In terms of personality, they are more likely to be gentle, humble, tolerant, and optimistic. However, it is possible that they may flatter those they like and approve of. There are also other types of personality, such as calm.

Those with calm personalities tend to exhibit the following characteristics:

Characteristics: slow and deliberate, cautious, gentle and stable, and the pursuit of harmony.

On the positive side, I would say that I am easy-going, adaptable, thoughtful, and tolerant.

Weaknesses: 1. Slowness and laziness 2. Lack of willingness to repent 3. Lack of enthusiasm for self-expression 4. Indifference to others' perspectives

2⃣️, feelings

You say, "Over time, I may find myself becoming more emotionally invested in this situation. I'm trying to be patient and see the good in this person, but it's challenging. I'm not sure how to navigate this conflict."

It is understandable that you have emotions. You feel uncomfortable when you are not treated fairly, even if you don't say anything. It might be helpful to express your feelings rather than keeping them inside for a long time, as it can make you feel aggrieved, irritable, and like you want to let it out.

Nevertheless, you maintain the hope that everyone can coexist peacefully. You find solace in the strengths of others.

3⃣️, source of emotions

You say, "Every time this happens, it's very painful. What can I do to make things better?"

From your description, it seems that you have experienced a great deal of injustice over the years, which has unfortunately led to some challenges in your ability to change the status quo.

You have identified areas for improvement in your character and the source of your emotions, and you are motivated to make changes. However, you may feel uncertain about how to proceed. One way to begin could be to give yourself a kind and supportive gesture.

2. Try to identify the underlying cause.

The trauma caused by your family of origin and the fact that you have never received love and recognition may have led to you putting yourself down and trying to please others in order to gain their approval. This may also have contributed to your emotional depression and the feeling that you have no self. There may be other reasons as well.

1⃣️, care about other people's thoughts

It may be the case that your parents often forced you to accept their views and perceptions, which could have led to a mindset forming in your thinking that other people's opinions are more important. This may result in you unconsciously thinking about what other people think and what they think.

It seems that your parents often encouraged you to accept their views and perceptions, which may have inadvertently shaped your thinking patterns to prioritize the opinions of others. It's understandable that this might lead you to unconsciously consider what others think and feel.

Perhaps we could say that disobedience has resulted in this outcome.

In the past, you have often faced challenges as a result of expressing your own ideas. Your kind and agreeable nature has led you to value other people's opinions and consider their advice. You have learned to respect the importance of considering others' perspectives, even when it might mean deviating from your own ideas.

2⃣️, It is important to consider the feelings of others.

From your feelings, it can be seen that you value other people's feelings and would rather suppress your own emotions. It seems that your true thoughts are: "I'm only good when other people are good."

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider ways of maintaining the relationship.

When others are strong, it can sometimes make you feel a bit aggrieved and uncomfortable. You have also thought about breaking off the relationship, but you are afraid that it might be more detrimental to you if the relationship is broken off. So you find all kinds of reasons to convince yourself to maintain the relationship and consider the good that others have done for you. You are not thinking about your current feelings.

I feel like I'm not as good as other people.

Your mind is always thinking about what other people think and feel. It seems that you only feel good when you feel that other people are good, which could be perceived as a demeaning behavior pattern.

It would be beneficial for you to consider that your true goal is to gain peace of mind and recognition. It is possible to achieve this when others are emotionally stable and do not change their attitude towards you or recognize you.

For this reason, it is important to consider the value of other people's opinions. It is understandable that you may feel inferior and unimportant in certain situations.

3. The root of emotions

It is possible that you may also be suffering from psychological trauma as a result of your actions. When you are unable to argue for yourself and you give in, it can cause you to become emotional and experience mood swings.

Emotions are neither inherently good nor bad, but they can have a negative impact on our physical and mental well-being when they affect our health. The root cause of emotions is often the result of our perception of things.

For instance, when others belittle you, it can be challenging to express your feelings in a normal way and to see yourself in a positive light. This can then lead to feelings of frustration.

It is beneficial to have emotions because they serve as a reminder that our actions may not always be in line with our intentions.

3. Consider letting go of the personality of a pleaser.

You feel that your tendency to please others may have had an adverse effect on your mood and physical health, and so you are seeking to make some changes to your personality. To achieve this, you will need to do the following things.

1. Take the time to understand yourself.

And abilities

Knowing yourself is an ongoing process. It involves getting to know yourself again and understanding your strengths. It also means recognizing your limitations and what you can and cannot do, as well as what you need and don't need, and what you can offer and what you cannot.

I believe that what I do is right, and what is wrong may be a different matter.

It is also important to understand your own abilities and to be able to strengthen your own beliefs. This involves not giving in to pressure, but rather following your heart and being better at being yourself.

It would be beneficial to consider the roles we play in our lives.

I believe that understanding my various roles allows me to better fulfill my social, family, and group roles, and to not be affected by the emotions, threats, or enticements of others.

Failing to distinguish between our roles can result in behaviors similar to those of parents when their children are young. These behaviors may include being overly sympathetic or trying to please others, which can sometimes lead to confusion in relationships. In the workplace, the roles of superior and subordinate may also be unclear, leading to similar issues.

It is important to remember that there are certain things that are not appropriate for your position. By distinguishing between roles, you can prevent yourself from crossing the line and doing things you shouldn't.

2⃣️, let go

Once you have a good understanding of yourself, you may wish to consider letting go of the past.

And so on.

It is also important to understand that the actions of others do not define our own actions. We are in control of our emotions and our responses to others.

It might be helpful to establish that only I am good, and that this will lead to positive emotions.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to let go of the past.

Perhaps we could say that letting go of the past means accepting the real you, saying goodbye to the past, no longer being disturbed by past emotions, allowing yourself to move forward with ease, and starting a new life.

3⃣️, consider loving yourself

Perhaps the love you lacked in the past could be given to yourself. This could be reflected in:

It might be helpful to pay attention to yourself.

It would be beneficial to learn to objectively pay attention to and examine your own behavior, which would also help you to increase your ability to perceive yourself.

It might be helpful to pay attention to your inner feelings.

It may be helpful to pay more attention to your inner feelings, give yourself positive and affirmative affirmation, and confirm your own value after something happens.

It might be helpful to pay attention to your expectations.

When conflicts arise, it may be helpful to focus on your own needs and expectations in the situation. It's also good to remember that external voices and other people's opinions may not be as important as your own. You may find it helpful to politely decline requests from others when it's necessary.

It would be beneficial to pay attention to your attitude.

It is important to demand equal treatment at all times and in all places. It is also important to never kowtow to any authority. It is vital to be clear in your attitude and to act resolutely and decisively. It is essential to fight for your rights and interests.

It would be beneficial to consider your self-worth.

From caring about your interests and hobbies and putting them into action to satisfying your own needs to finding your own self-worth, rather than blindly hoping to be affirmed by others. Consider enhancing the ability to love yourself, seeking inward, not necessarily outward.

It would be beneficial to begin by paying attention to your own feelings, expectations, attitudes, and values, and to improve your ability and strength to care for yourself. You may find that you no longer care about the feelings of others as much as you once did, and that you are able to focus on yourself and deal with conflicts and contradictions in a more constructive way.

4⃣️, Self-growth

Through consistent and deliberate practice, you can find your true self and improve yourself. It may be helpful to learn to deal with stress through consistent communication, neither pleasing nor blaming, and without acting irrationally or interrupting.

It would be beneficial to learn how to get along with others, handle interpersonal relationships, grow gradually, and become a true person in control of their own destiny.

In his family therapy model, Satir suggested that consistent communication involves aligning our verbal and non-verbal messages with our inner feelings. This approach ensures that all parties involved, including ourselves, the other person, and the situation, receive the attention and respect they deserve.

People who adopt this model often demonstrate an inner awareness in their speech, with their expressions matching their words. This can result in a higher sense of self-worth, as well as greater inner harmony and balance.

One way to achieve consistent communication is to practice and express it using the following sentence patterns.

If I may make a suggestion, when...

It would be helpful to describe the objective situation without making any accusations or expressing any emotions.

If I may, I would like to express my feelings.

It would be beneficial to clearly express the feelings and emotions of the moment.

I would like to express my hope that...

It would be helpful to clearly express what you would like the other person to do, specify your needs, and make it a quantifiable, executable, and visible expectation.

It is my belief that...

If you could, please describe your hopes for the future.

If I might suggest, the characteristic of consistency is that we have a choice. When we oppose someone, perhaps it is not necessary to say that the other person is wrong, or to use an accusatory tone.

It is not necessary to appear cold and expressionless when you reason. Our feelings, words, and actions, as well as our emotions, should be consistent. The verbal and non-verbal information we receive from others should also be consistent with our feelings.

If you were to develop the ability to love yourself through self-improvement, you might find that your opinions and views on other people would change. This could lead to a boost in your self-worth. Using congruent communication, you could find that interpersonal relationship barriers are eliminated, your self-confidence is enhanced, and your pleasing personality is transformed into a consistent expression.

I believe you have truly grown as a person. This is also the communication model advocated in the Satir Model of Family Therapy.

I hope the questioner will have the opportunity to learn to use it.

I would like to extend my best wishes to the original poster.

Hello, question asker!

I'm glad you're asking this question. You're clearly a self-reflective person. When you say you're a "pleasing personality," it shows you're eager to become better.

"Fear of conflict, always used to cater to others" shows that you care about the relationship and want to have a good interactive relationship. You care too much, realize your discomfort, but still want to maintain the relationship.

If we suppress this uncomfortable feeling for too long or try to convince ourselves with some reason, we will reach our limit. Our emotions will worsen, and we will fall into an even more entangled process.

When faced with such a situation, we must carefully and keenly feel what our emotions are in the moment, identify exactly what makes us feel uncomfortable, and determine what we want to say but are holding back.

This is crucial.

We must recognize that when we use rational comfort to instantly suppress fleeting discomfort, we are only making things worse. The more we do this, the heavier the dark clouds in our hearts will become.

For example, if a friend said something that triggered my discomfort, I want to know what that sentence made you think of. I also want to know what else makes you feel uncomfortable, dissatisfied, angry, or aggrieved.

We can only know what is causing us pain and concern by asking ourselves a little and exploring our true feelings.

Second, you must learn to express your dissatisfaction sincerely and honestly.

Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to express dissatisfaction. You do not value your friendship with your friend any less by expressing your dissatisfaction. Nor do you want to destroy the relationship.

An honest expression lets the other person know your attitude and your boundaries. If you don't say anything, they'll have to guess, and they're unlikely to get it right.

Second, your sincere and honest expression is an attitude. I may not like everything you say, but that doesn't mean I don't love you or care about you.

The closer the friend, the more straightforward the words, and the more transparent the relationship, the easier it is.

I want to tell you that generally kind people will use flattery to gain the other person's favor and maintain the relationship through giving and forbearance. This is the kind part of us, and we will not actively hurt others.

Finally, I want to tell you that generally kind people will use flattery to gain the other person's favor and maintain the relationship through giving and forbearance. This is the kind part of us, and we will not actively hurt others.

You should treasure such friends.

However, if you are overly accommodating or tolerant, the other person will avoid saying anything that is slightly more direct, making it very difficult for both of you to maintain a superficial harmony.

Take risks and express yourself boldly because we are aware of it and willing to change.

People who like you will like you even more because you're being true to yourself. They won't leave you. You'll also gain new and different experiences from such collisions.

That's all for now. I'm confident you'll find this helpful. Best wishes!

That's all for now. I'm confident you'll find this helpful. Best wishes!

Hello, questioner! Let me be clear: I am not arrogant and do not seek attention.

It's clear you're troubled and confiding in this platform. You've discovered you have a pleasing personality and are used to catering to others. You're afraid of conflicts with others and suppress your emotions to please them. You're even uncomfortable, but you don't know how to resolve this. You're in pain. What should you do?

They can still understand your feelings. People with a pleasing personality are not malicious. They are kind and considerate of others. However, they ignore their own feelings and seem too accommodating because they consider others too much.

In response to your question, I will help you analyze and sort it out.

[Definition of the "pleasing personality type"]

A pleasing personality is one that blindly seeks to please others while ignoring one's own feelings. It is a potentially unhealthy behavior pattern, but it is not a personality disorder.

These are the specific manifestations of a pleasing personality.

They are particularly sensitive to other people's feelings, elevating others, belittling themselves, afraid to make requests, have difficulty refusing others, and lack boundaries and principles.

The disadvantages are as follows:

(1) You are too concerned about the feelings of the other person.

Without self-awareness, you will be consumed internally.

If you want to know if you have a pleasing personality, look at your own behavior. Do you exhibit any of the traits described above?

I want to know how to avoid having a pleasing personality.

[Stand firm in your own position.]

In the future, you must have your own opinions and standpoints. Don't waver, don't be swayed by other people's opinions, and don't care too much about other people's views and evaluations. Speak your mind boldly and don't worry about saying the wrong thing. Build up your courage.

No matter what you do, there will always be someone who objects. If you block your inner self and cater to other people's opinions because of what they say, you'll never surpass yourself. You must learn to ignore those dissenting voices and speak your mind when interacting with others. Even if you're wrong, you must dare to express yourself. This will build your courage.

Enhance your self-confidence constantly.

If you lack self-confidence, you will become depressed and doubt yourself when you are rejected, misunderstood, or belittled by others. Your character will become more cowardly, and you will become more afraid of having a positive conflict with others. You will avoid and please others, and aggrieve yourself to satisfy others because you are afraid that your views and ideas will be opposed and criticized by others.

[Strengthen your inner self]

Learn some psychology to improve your psychological resilience. Learn more about the disadvantages of a pleasing personality and how to adjust. In the future, when you encounter the same situation, don't just try to please and tolerate. Bring up whatever problem the other person has. Don't worry about what will happen if you speak up. Try boldly and you'll find out what the outcome will be. Work hard and let the result follow its own path. You'll get used to this way of getting along with others.

[Establish a sense of boundaries]

If you're tired of being together, it's time to have a good chat. Are you tired of this relationship? If so, it's probably because the communication between you is not working, or because this friend doesn't really care about you. You are working hard to maintain a superficial harmony, which shows that this relationship has made you feel uncomfortable. Even the best of friends can easily have conflicts if they don't establish a sense of boundaries. You need to have a good chat.

I'm sure my answer helps. The world and I love you.

Hello, my dear friend! I am Chi Lu Zi. When I read your words, I can see that you're struggling with some inner conflict. As you said, this makes you feel very painful.

Give yourself a big, warm hug!

You say you have a pleasing personality, but I'd love to know how you feel about that. Your perception of your own personality is really important, and it's so important to be able to resolve this dilemma.

But we see your question here, and it's so great to see that you're ready to make a change and work through this problem. It's clear that you want to improve yourself and move on from this situation that's causing you pain.

The first step is to give yourself a little pep talk. Repeat to yourself, "I am not a pleasing personality."

Just keep repeating it to yourself until you feel more powerful than you did just now, OK?

My dear, our perception of ourselves has so much power. When you're afraid, when you think you're a pleasing personality, you're actually contradicting yourself. You're telling yourself, "I am not a pleasing personality," and you keep telling yourself that until you believe it.

The second step is to give yourself a big hug and accept all of your feelings.

When we don't want to, when we feel uncomfortable, when we feel attacked, when we feel hurt, it's so important to acknowledge these feelings. They're there for a reason! These are your true feelings, aren't they?

There's absolutely no need to self-reflect or ask whether you're too sensitive, too petty, or too calculating. Your feelings are your own true feelings, and that's all that matters.

It's only after you've shared your true thoughts and feelings and experienced life's ups and downs that you'll truly know if you're sensitive or calculating. This is another fascinating topic to explore!

It's so important to acknowledge, face, and accept your own emotional feelings.

The third step is to let it all out and express your true feelings.

(1) It's okay if you don't express yourself perfectly the first time. As long as you keep trying, you'll get there! Even if it feels like you've tried a million times and failed, each attempt is building your strength until you're ready to express yourself.

(2) Try not to worry too much about responding and expressing yourself in the moment, no matter how late it is. You can always express yourself when you're ready to do so.

We've all been there! It's so hard to express our emotions properly at the moment. But after a while, when we can sort things out, we feel that it's too late, that it seems petty to talk about it now.

We all know how hard it can be to organize our emotions and words at the moment something happens. It's not easy to express ourselves well in the heat of the moment, is it?

It's also a good idea to avoid the situation for a little while if you can. This gives you both a chance to calm down and think about how you feel before you talk about it.

So about the situation, you should express yourself well at the moment, without being too persistent, and without carrying a burden for "late" expressions, because there is no such thing as a "late" expression. Every moment to express is the right time.

When we do the above, we should never give up trying to express ourselves, even if you've already left the situation that made you feel uncomfortable. As long as you still have something to say, it's okay to express yourself again after you've taken a moment to organize what you want to say and are ready. Never feel that it's too late!

My dear, I truly hope the pain you're feeling now will give you the strength to break free from it. I know it's tough, but you're so determined to change and get rid of it. Maybe the root cause of your current situation is still there, but let's not worry about that right now. Let's focus on the present and the future you're hoping for and on the amazing person you're becoming.

Wishing you all the best!

Good day, question asker.

I must acknowledge that I am also a pleasing personality, and a senior pleasing personality at that.

As colleagues engaged in this field of study, I would like to present a case study to illustrate a phenomenon that is common to us all. The confusion you have expressed is similar to that which we have encountered in our research on the pleasing personality type.

I will now proceed to share with you the knowledge I have acquired.

Firstly, it is essential to comprehend the underlying causes of a pleasing personality. Parenting styles have the potential to result in emotional neglect, particularly in the case of mothers.

In order to garner more attention, individuals may attempt to please others and reduce conflicts as a means of coping. Those who exhibit a strict demeanor may often possess a compliant and pleasing personality.

It is important to note that one should not blame their parents for expressing their love in a way that may have been perceived as neglectful. When one becomes an adult, it is essential to recognize that they can be their own significant other and express love towards themselves.

One may express a lack of love through one's own self-care practices.

Secondly, it is important to understand the necessity of boundaries in a relationship. A healthy relationship requires a clear understanding of boundaries.

As you have indicated, you are not inherently inclined to accommodate the needs of others. It is therefore important for you to learn to assert your boundaries.

The nature of relationships is not one of absolute dichotomy; rather, they are either maintained or severed. This is an overly simplistic view.

One may choose to permit oneself to exist and to permit the malevolence of others to exist, but this is not an inevitable outcome. To illustrate this point, one might consider the case of a client of mine.

I, her closest associate, consistently urged her to procure insurance. Initially, she had already expended a considerable sum on insurance, and he was reluctant to do so further and was prepared to sever the friendship.

She asserted that her friend was adept at defrauding others for financial gain. Subsequent to the dissolution of their relationship, this individual was the sole party to experience adverse consequences.

The aforementioned friend is affable, has purchased a considerable amount of insurance, and has generated a significant number of sales. Indeed, she is capable of sustaining this relationship without purchasing insurance.

Regardless of the opinions expressed by his friends, it is evident that this insurance salesperson is distinct from you, and maintaining a relationship with him is unnecessary. Instead, he should be regarded as an insurance salesman, and his statements should be evaluated in the same manner as those of such a professional.

It is imperative to heed my counsel and repudiate her counsel.

Thirdly, it is important to identify one's own identity. This can be a challenging process.

I had assumed that the process of self-discovery would be straightforward. However, I came to realize that it entailed a form of self-hypnosis, whereby one affirms one's own value, worthiness, and goodness.

Initially, this approach yielded promising outcomes. However, over time, its efficacy diminished.

Hello, question asker! I see the confusion you are facing now, and I'm here to help!

You're going through a growth period! Let me give you another warm hug.

Your pleasing personality is probably the result of your upbringing in a loving family.

Maybe you were taught when you were growing up to get along with other people and accommodate them as much as possible.

So, from that moment on, you felt that it was wrong to disagree with others or have conflicts.

However, there's more! You should also know that pleasing others does not mean blindly catering to their every whim.

Otherwise, they may take advantage of your kindness, especially in the service industry. But you can avoid that!

That's why there's a great saying: "A horse that is good at riding will be ridden; a person that is good will be taken advantage of."

Of course you have now seen the problem and want to make a change, and I think that's really great!

The best part is, it's never too late to make a change if you're willing to do it!

If you are still confused, I highly recommend seeking help from a professional counselor!

A counselor is the perfect person to help you! They can adopt a third-party perspective, a non-judgmental outlook, and an objective attitude. They can also give you some more pertinent, more useful, and constructive advice!

I'm excited to tell you that since your current problem falls into the category of the original family, I am more inclined to seek help from a professional psychological counselor than an instant listener!

I'm sure the problem you're facing now will be solved effectively soon!

I'm out of ideas!

I really hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you! I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!

Hello. I'd like to offer you a warm hug from afar if I may. It seems to me that you are often unintentionally choosing to cater to and please others because you are afraid of conflicts in interpersonal relationships. It may be that certain legitimate needs within yourself are not being responded to in a timely and appropriate manner, which could leave you feeling aggrieved, angry, helpless, and powerless. You may be longing to be understood, seen, supported, and responded to. I also commend you for having such a clear awareness of the emotions you feel as a result of this, because good awareness is the beginning of change.

It seems that you have realized that your tendency to please and conform in relationships has caused you a lot of harm. However, you are unable to make better changes and adjustments through your own efforts. This may be because you only see the harm that this way of behaving in relationships has caused you, but you ignore the fact that it has also brought you a lot of benefits. For example, it makes it very easy for you to establish relationships with others at the beginning, and you are very popular in relationships. You are also empathetic, considerate, needed, and relied upon, which makes your internal sense of belonging and worthiness well responded to and satisfied. When you haven't found a better way to respond to this part of your needs, it is understandable that you would instinctively continue to use this way to respond to this part of your needs.

It may be helpful to view change as a process of acceptance. While it is important to recognize the ways in which your behavior in relationships has been harmful, it is also valuable to acknowledge the benefits it has brought you. By doing so, you can begin to calmly accept and face your behavior in relationships, and explore ways to be your authentic self in these relationships.

It might be helpful to consider that when we try to please others in a relationship, or cater to them at the expense of our own needs, it can often stem from a lack of self-confidence and self-acceptance. It's not always easy to recognize these patterns, especially when we're not fully aware of them. This can lead us to project our own unaccepting feelings onto the people around us, assuming they'll reject us if they truly knew us. As a result, we may become overly sensitive in relationships, paying close attention to others' opinions and evaluations, and worrying about being disliked or rejected. It's understandable that we want to behave well in relationships. However, this can sometimes mean that we unintentionally suppress or hide our true inner thoughts, needs, emotions, and feelings. Instead, we may find ourselves trying to fit into the mold of what we believe others want or need from us. It's important to remember that lasting harmonious and healthy relationships require both parties to be able to truly be themselves and express their emotions and needs authentically. When there's a imbalance in the give and take over time, it can lead to feelings of frustration and anger.

For you, the key to changing this state of affairs in your relationships may be to try to learn to better accept yourself, cultivate self-confidence, and enhance your sense of self-worth. You might find it helpful to make a list of your strengths, which could help you to see both your shortcomings and your many bright spots.

You might consider keeping a gratitude diary as a way to cultivate self-confidence, enhance your sense of self-worth, cultivate more interests and passions for yourself, and let yourself have more and more control over things.

My name is Lily, and I'm one of the listeners at the Q&A Center. I just wanted to say that I love you all, and I hope you know that the world loves you too.

Hello.

The questioner began by confidently summarizing his personality traits as a "pleasing personality."

You can also express your own patterns of behavior and your fears.

"Extreme pain" is a feeling. Once one's behavior patterns have been fixed, people will subconsciously choose to cater to the pain.

Feelings are the most real.

Superficial harmony will never lead to a genuine relationship.

Understand the underlying reasons for the formation of behavior patterns and explore life at different levels. Find the meaning of life and also find relationships that make you feel comfortable.

Take care of yourself, but don't stereotype yourself. That's how change happens.

We must face the real self.

1. A pleasing personality with unhealed childhood trauma must return to that scene in the past, reassure themselves, and tell themselves, "You did nothing wrong. Now that you're grown up, you don't have to be afraid."

2. A sense of superiority is hurtful when interacting with other people. If feelings of oppression arise, the relationship is no longer equal.

Once the relationship becomes one in which one party submits to the other, it is in direct opposition to the driving force of world development. This inevitably leads to feelings of conflict for the individual.

3. Talking about it is the best way to relieve emotions. The next step is even more important.

If no change occurs, self-doubt will inevitably arise. This can cause problems for the individual's sense of self-stability.

Here are some suggestions:

Choose for yourself. Choose a relationship that makes you feel comfortable.

I remember reading some food reviews from my trip to Hong Kong. The owner of a cha chaan teng had a bad temper, but the footfall was very good.

This example illustrates that

1) Catering to others does not always have a positive effect. Even if you run a restaurant, you must cater to your guests. Otherwise, you will still have a good customer flow.

2) The fact that others have commented on the teacher's "bad temper" indicates there is more to this than meets the eye. The teacher is a very generous person who does not flatter.

When someone says you have a bad temper, we understand the source. We can also produce objective evaluations after the experience or give pertinent evaluations based on individual values.

Both diners and restaurant owners will choose a relationship that works for them.

Friends can talk about the seasons and moods, and from moods to trivial matters. What is needed is comfort.