I have just become a new father, and I have a disagreement with my wife's elders about parenting values. What should I do?

Dear New Father, From your description, I can see that you are experiencing a range of emotions. It is not uncommon for there to be differing opinions between spouses and parents when it comes to child rearing.

As you stated in your article, "I recommend hugging children more often, particularly when there is skin-to-skin contact, to provide them with a sense of security, including when they are sleeping. However, my wife and the elderly people I've spoken with believe that we should limit our hugs to avoid creating a dependency on them for sleep. They also feel that allowing children to sleep on their own may lead to distress if they are not used to it."

It is essential to consider this issue from a variety of perspectives.

As fathers, we are all motivated to hold our children while they sleep, to provide them with a sense of security, and to shower them with love from an early age.

As a child's mother, especially those who have recently resumed work following maternity leave, it is advisable to refrain from touching your child while he is asleep. This will assist in fostering more positive habits and enable him to sleep peacefully in his own bed, which will save you considerable inconvenience and make your life more straightforward.

As grandparents, our objective is for our children to fall asleep as soon as they are put to bed, so that they can also relax when they bring their own grandchildren.

This brings to mind a text we studied in primary school, entitled "Terrific and Awful." It discusses the distinction between paternal and maternal love.

In the Three Character Classic, there is a saying that is particularly relevant in this context: "If a child is not taught, it is the father's fault."

As fathers, we should provide our children with the most encouraging love. Our objective is to ensure that our children understand that falling down is not a cause for concern, but rather, not knowing how to fall is.

As parents, we must provide our children with the greatest amount of space and freedom when educating them. Our goal is to raise children who will become independent and self-reliant members of other people's families.

Why is parental assistance important in a child's education?

A mother's love is tender and encouraging, while a father's love is strict. It is hoped that after a child has achieved success, he will not become carried away and lose his head, but will be able to reflect on how he achieved success while still celebrating his victory. This will enable the child to succeed again and again in the future.

In raising children, it is important to communicate effectively and understand their perspectives. Rather than imposing our preferences, we should strive to comprehend their genuine needs and desires.

As we are all aware, the golden rule is to treat others as you would like to be treated.

It is essential to adopt an empathetic approach and consider the perspective of others, whether in a marital relationship or in interactions with future children.

Please find below my thoughts on the matter.

One may offer a hug from a distance.

The advent of fatherhood is a momentous occasion, marking the beginning of a new chapter in one's life. It is, however, accompanied by a certain degree of concern and anxiety. I extend my heartfelt congratulations on your well-deserved promotion.

From your description, it is evident that you are a meticulous and discerning individual with a keen interest in scientific matters. It is apparent that you have delved deeply into the subject of child-rearing, and I commend you for your discernment in action.

It is understandable that you are experiencing confusion and distress due to your wife's and your differing views on parenting. It is natural to seek clarity on what is the most appropriate and evidence-based approach.

The following represents my perspective, informed by both academic learning and personal experience.

A number of theories exist in the field of developmental psychology that seek to explain the psychological development of humans. These include, for example, Erikson's eight-stage theory of life development, Freud's theory of personality development, Piaget's cognitive development theory of children, and Margaret's psychological development theory of children aged 0-3.

Erikson's eight-stage theory divides the period from 0 to 1 year of age as infancy, during which infants must resolve the psychological conflicts of "basic trust" and "distrust." In essence, caregivers assist infants in developing a fundamental sense of trust in the world by promptly addressing their physical needs (such as responding to crying).

A sense of trust and security is a fundamental aspect of human development. Children who possess a robust sense of trust and security tend to exhibit a greater capacity for self-awareness, resilience, and the courage to pursue their aspirations. Conversely, children who lack a secure foundation may experience persistent anxiety and a tendency to dwell on concerns.

The question then becomes how to respond in a timely manner and how to establish a sense of trust.

The most fundamental aspect of infant care is meeting their basic physical needs, such as feeding and changing diapers. As Margaret Mead observed, infants between 0 and 2 months old are in a period of autism, characterized by a high level of sleep, minimal communication with the external world, and a reliance on instinctual drives.

The period between two and six months represents a state of symbiosis, during which the infant experiences a sense of unity with both its mother and the external environment, sharing emotional experiences. The mother serves as the primary source of emotional sustenance and stimulation for the infant during this period.

This is why a mother's stable and positive emotions can be effectively transmitted to her infant, conveying to the child that the world is a secure and attractive place.

The act of maintaining eye contact during the infant's first year of life is, in fact, characterized by prolonged and intimate gazes, which are indicative of a profound sense of trust and security.

I apologize for the digression. The purpose of this discussion is to present a general principle: the importance of a sense of security and trust in the world.

In this general principle, the question of whether or not to breastfeed is not of great consequence. Rather, the crucial consideration is whether the primary caregiver is able to manage the task independently.

In most cases, the primary caregiver of a child under the age of three will be the mother, although there may be some assistance from the grandparents. While some fathers may be highly active, as you have indicated, the smell of milk on the mother's body is the primary source of attraction for babies during the first few months. Therefore, it is advisable to respect the guidance of the primary caregiver. You have the opportunity to hold the baby more frequently when you are present, and the infant can select the method they find most suitable.

Let us consider the issue of conflicts over parenting concepts.

It is not uncommon for parents and grandparents to hold disparate views on child-rearing due to discrepancies in age, experience, and values. The superiority of one perspective over another is ultimately inconsequential, as it is inherently challenging to objectively assess. Child-rearing is not a straightforward mathematical problem but rather a subjective phenomenon with no universally accepted answer.

The crucial point is how the family resolves these conflicts.

It is my contention that the marital relationship should take precedence over the parent-child relationship, which in turn should take precedence over the relationship with the grandparents. It is essential that communication be a priority, that everyone's good intentions be affirmed, and that differences in behavior be tolerated.

Additionally, there is a technique that may not be considered an experience, but which can be used to address differences in opinion when there is an asymmetry of information. One can use internet-based methods to bridge this information gap. For example, one can download a parenting app, involve the whole family, and upload photos of the children regularly. This allows the family to interact with the app and access its knowledge content, which is tailored to each age group. If everyone looks at it, it may be easier to reach a consensus.

I will now proceed to respond to the aforementioned queries.

The rationale behind this prioritization is unclear. It is presumed that once the first two concepts are grasped, the subsequent questions will be answered.

The question thus arises as to whether indulgence and spoiling are synonymous. What, then, is the precise meaning of the term "spoiling"?

It is my contention that the practice of spoiling does not constitute an expression of love. Rather, it is an exercise in control and manipulation. I am uncertain as to the veracity of this assertion.

Furthermore, it is unclear whether praising a child for positive behavior instills pride. This raises questions about the internal logic of such an approach.

I must profess a certain bewilderment.

The following types of childhood trauma have been identified: abandonment, neglect, overindulgence, abuse, and witnessing parental discord. It may be reasonably assumed that if these situations are avoided, then everything will be fine.

What, then, is love in the context of parental love?

It is evident that the practice of "spoiling" is devoid of moral principles. To illustrate, in the recent video of a 10-year-old boy attempting to ride a balance bike but being denied permission to take a nucleic acid test, the family's series of reactions raised concerns about the absence of clear rules and principles in the child's upbringing.

"About pride": It is important to note that children should not be praised lightly when they do well. This is likely a reflection of the parenting style that many of us experienced during our own childhoods. However, research suggests that frequent praise can help children develop a positive self-concept and a sense of self-confidence. It is essential to recognize that this type of praise should be targeted at a specific behavior or achievement.

As an illustration, in lieu of commending a child for their intellectual capabilities, it would be more beneficial to acknowledge their efforts and significant advancement in their academic performance relative to their previous level.

The aforementioned summary of the types of harm that children suffer during childhood is quite comprehensive. However, it is evident that avoiding these situations will not guarantee a completely harm-free environment. It is therefore possible to adopt a more relaxed approach.

The initial step is to comprehend the precise meaning of the phrases "all's well" and "rest assured." Do these phrases imply that children will not stray from the path of righteousness if they are shielded from certain circumstances?

From my own experience, it is evident that the process of raising a child is seldom entirely free of concerns and anxieties. When a child is unwell, parents naturally hope for a swift recovery. However, once the child is well, parents may begin to anticipate other developmental milestones, such as an emerging interest or a specific area of expertise. As the child progresses through school, parents may also begin to worry about their child's academic performance, even if it is within the acceptable range.

The question thus arises: What is love (parent-child love)?

I will present two sentences that my instructor once articulated:

It is of the utmost importance to ensure that your child always feels safe in your presence.

It is recommended that parents intervene less in their children's lives and afford them greater autonomy, while maintaining a presence to provide support when needed.

Hello! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I feel that the landlord is an amazingly thoughtful father, and it is precisely these thoughts that can help you better educate your children. This is a very valuable quality in my opinion. In fact, the confusion you mentioned has some really fascinating research and conclusions in child development psychology.

If you're interested, you're in luck! There are plenty of resources out there to help you learn more about child development psychology and developmental psychology.

Once you learn this, you'll see that children have different needs at different stages of growth. It's so important to understand that we cannot generalize!

So, as parents, we have the exciting opportunity to learn how to educate our children in the best way for their age!

Children under one year old need to feel secure, and it's our job to make sure they do! We can do this by paying attention to their needs at all times. When they're hungry, we feed them. When they're thirsty, we give them something to drink. And when they need a cuddle, we hug them! It's okay if they want to be hugged a lot—it just means they need to be stroked and cuddled more often. This gives them the security and love they need to become independent in the future.

So, if your little one is under one year old, you're absolutely spot on! This is the perfect time to shower your baby with lots of hugs and kisses, and to give them quick and helpful responses.

Guiding children aged 1-3 years is an amazing opportunity to help them learn and grow! It's so important for parents to establish rules at the right time, giving children the chance to adapt to the rules and then to life in kindergarten and primary school.

For example, when it comes to mobile phones, if young children really want to play with them, parents should absolutely agree on a time with them, make them follow the rules, and give them some kind of reward. If they don't follow the rules, they should also be criticized.

Children aged 4-7 are ready for the next step: a clear reward and punishment system with incentives! Parents, it's time to keep your word and praise when praise is due and punish when punishment is due. Distinguishing between rewards and punishments is key to helping children distinguish right from wrong and understand what they should and shouldn't do.

This is a great way to help your kids become reasonable and abide by the rules! For example, you can agree on a time for playing with mobile phones: ten minutes of playtime, no overtime, or else there will be a punishment.

So, for children aged 8-12, it's really important for parents to understand their child's character and temperament. If the child is independent and assertive, it's a great idea to respect their ideas and not make it a tense situation. But, there should also be conditions. For example, if I promise the child today that they can watch the phone for 30 minutes, but they actually watch it for longer, then the child has to make a certain promise and complete a certain task.

If your child is relatively obedient, then present the facts and reason with them. It is believed that an obedient child can generally accept the views of their parents, as long as the parent-child relationship is harmonious. This is great news!

For children aged 13 to 18, who are basically entering puberty, parents have the incredible opportunity to learn to respect their children as adults, engage in an equal dialogue, discuss problems with their children, and work together to solve them, rather than insisting that their own views are correct. At this time, parents have the amazing chance to understand their children even more.

For children aged 13-18, who are basically entering adolescence, parents have a wonderful opportunity to learn to respect their children, treat them as adults, and engage in an equal dialogue with them, discussing problems and working together to solve them, rather than insisting that their own views are correct. At this time, parents have the chance to understand their children's personalities and sense of autonomy more than ever, and they have the opportunity to be tactful rather than confrontational.

Furthermore, it's important to highlight that many parents, after studying psychology, may have some questions. They might be wondering: shouldn't we encourage and affirm our children? Shouldn't we accept them for who they are?

Does that mean we should respect our children's wishes and let them do whatever they want? Absolutely! But if we just let them do whatever they want, will they really know what to do? They sure will!

This requires a clear understanding of the wonderful principle of "love and rules" coexisting in education. It does not mean that we have to accept everything about our children, nor does it mean that we have to control everything about them. Rather, we get to guide our children on the basis of respect. Then, establishing rules is very important and necessary in the process of our children's growth.

This requires a clear understanding of the wonderful principle of "love and rules" coexisting in education. It does not mean that we have to accept everything about our children, nor does it mean that we have to control everything about them. Rather, we get to guide our children on the basis of respect. Then, establishing rules in the process of our children's growth is very important and necessary.

Now for some great tips on how to set rules for your child! You can start from the age of 18-36 months.

Children aged 18–36 months are developing their sense of self, which is a truly exciting time! At this stage, we have the opportunity to both protect their sense of self and give them some rules.

When setting rules, you need to be careful, and you've got this!

First, the rule must be clear. This is an important step! It's essential to be specific and avoid ambiguous statements like "you should be nice to the puppy." Instead, be precise and say "you must not pull the puppy's tail."

First, it's essential to make sure the rule is crystal clear. Avoid vague statements like "You should be nice to the puppy." Instead, be specific and say "You must not pull the puppy's tail."

Second, once a rule is set, it must be enforced resolutely. This is an important step! If a child discovers that the rule has loopholes or that exceptions can be made, then a clever child will definitely make that exception happen often. This is where it gets interesting! In the end, the rule will become invalid.

Third, make sure you don't set rules everywhere. Rules have a fantastic deterrent effect because they only appear in important situations. If you make sure you don't set rules everywhere in your child's life, they'll be able to break them all the time!

Fourth, rules should be age-appropriate. This is a great way to help your child learn self-control! Set some rules and point them out when your child breaks them.

Fourth, rules should be age-appropriate. This is a great way to help your child learn self-control! Set rules that your child can do at that age, and then point them out when they break them.

Setting rules is a great way to help children learn self-control! Be sure to give them the rules and point them out when they break them.

Of course, children at this stage have lots of different emotions! They might throw a tantrum because they have been forbidden, but don't worry! Give them a space to calm down and let them slowly experience how their emotions rise and subside. This is also a rare opportunity to learn self-control!

At the same time, we should not expect to see results immediately. The process of teaching and learning is a long one that requires patience and love. Your gentle tone and intonation also set a good example for your child to follow, and it's so rewarding to see them follow in your footsteps!

In short, I wholeheartedly suggest that you and your family learn some knowledge of child education and developmental psychology. We are all doing what is best for the child, and if it is really for the child's best interests, then surely everyone will be willing to accept the most appropriate method in the end!

The road of parenting is a long and arduous one, but it's also one of the most rewarding journeys you'll ever take! The arrival of a child is both a challenge and a great opportunity to grow ourselves. I believe that when you understand the laws of child development and the psychological needs of each stage, your child will grow up healthy and happy.

Wishing you the very best!

It's totally normal to have lots of questions about raising love/married-for-11-years-two-children-he-takes-care-of-work-only-am-i-a-fool-10600.html" target="_blank">children. For example, you might be wondering what kind of love is truly loving and what kind of behavior is not spoiling. The truth is, we all need a little help sometimes. Some parents are really analytical and controlling when it comes to educating their children, while other kids want to do things for themselves.

However, parents may be over-intervening. Or maybe not! Some parents may think that children should be exposed to various external setbacks and may even deliberately create some setback education for them. But in fact, we should learn from these setbacks in real situations, rather than deliberately creating them.

There's still so much for us to learn! What is the situation of spoiling and over-loving? It's about indulging your child unconditionally, even if they make a mistake. You won't scold them, even if they do something that doesn't meet your expectations. If this is the case, you might be spoiling your child. And if you let them have their way a little, you'll let them get what they want.

I really think this kind of teaching method is not the best idea. It might lead to some difficulties in the future because there's no towering tree to protect him. In our world, it's always good to have your own abilities, because you can't rely on anyone else to protect you all the time. You're right, it's important to hug children more often. If the child is under the age of three, of course you can hug more.

A little physical touch lets him experience the care and love of his family. If he is over the age of three or even six, you can slowly reduce this physical contact. It doesn't mean you need to hold him all the time, nor does it mean you should never do it at all. A hug is also fine in normal times! For example, when he comes back from school after being away for a while, we can still give him a hug.

Let him know how much he's loved by the whole family, and that he can still enjoy some physical contact. If he's been really good, we can give him lots of praise and let him know that we think he's doing a great job. I'll see how he feels about it. If he's really happy, I'll be happy for him too!

Instead of saying that you expect him to do better, etc., that would put too much unnecessary pressure on the child. We all know that too high expectations can also hinder the child's growth. He may slowly develop a personality that is pleasing, so there is no need to praise him too much and let him achieve higher goals. Just say that you can see the results of his current achievements, and say that if he is happy, then I can be happy for him.

We can tailor some educational methods for a child according to his age, personal experience, and family situation. It's so important to avoid neglectful education methods, as well as overly authoritative and controlling ones that dictate everything. We should also avoid overly indulgent education methods, and it's best to establish a democratic education method that is both lenient and strict.

Let him have his own thoughts and reflections, and experience the warmth of the family, without any rules or bottom lines. I really think you'd benefit from reading "Silent Collapse: The Predicament of Young Parents," "Accompanying Children through the First Three Years of Life," "How to Hug a Hedgehog," "Meeting Children and Meeting a Better Self," "The Bond of Motherly Love," and "The Awakening of Parents."

ZQ?

Greetings, new father!

I would like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to you on becoming a father.

I would be happy to become a responsible, child-loving father. I applaud your exploration!

It's possible that the issue you've raised is one that many new mothers and fathers may encounter.

It is not uncommon for families to have different beliefs when it comes to parenting.

I would be delighted to share what I know with you and hope it will be inspiring.

1. How might I best navigate differing opinions and disagreements?

It's not uncommon for differing opinions to arise in a family.

It's not uncommon for such differences to arise in a family.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether holding your baby more often might be beneficial?

It's worth noting that different experts have different opinions on this matter.

I believe that skin-to-skin contact with young children is of great importance.

I am in agreement with you on this matter.

I'm curious to know what you mean by "more" or "less."

I wonder if you could tell me how much cuddling is considered a lot.

It would be helpful to know whether it is generally considered appropriate to pick up a baby immediately when they cry.

It's difficult to provide a definitive answer to this question.

It is possible that with more skin contact, the child may be able to fall asleep quietly and may not require being held all the time.

I believe that, as long as it is generally suitable for your child, it is an acceptable approach.

It is perfectly acceptable to express your own views when you disagree with your family. However, it is also important to try to understand other people's views. The ideal solution is to find a way that everyone can accept.

For instance, you may feel inclined to hug your children more often when you have the opportunity, but it would be best to avoid pressuring your wife to do so.

The mother has her own ideas, and that's perfectly understandable.

We can offer suggestions, but we can't necessarily expect them to be followed.

It is an unfortunate reality that disagreements are a common occurrence in real life.

It can sometimes be challenging to reach complete agreement.

This is to be expected.

I believe that the more open-minded we are, the more likely we are to find a solution that everyone can accept.

It can be challenging to definitively determine which perspective is objectively correct.

I believe that everyone has a point of view on this matter.

2. Regarding the issue of spoiling.

Many parents who love their children often wonder if they might be spoiling them.

Could you please clarify the difference between spoiling and normal love?

I can see how the idea that "spoiling is about taking over and controlling" might have some merit.

It is important to remember that when we love a child, we should respect them as an independent individual and accept that they are different from us.

It would be beneficial to guide him when he is young, while also being tolerant of him.

Perhaps a more effective approach would be to guide him when he is young, while also being tolerant of him.

I believe that as long as we are mindful of our children's growth and open to learning and growing ourselves, we can navigate parenting with a positive outlook.

It is important to recognize that there is no single, universally applicable approach to parenting.

Or, to put it another way, any action is acceptable.

It is my belief that love for children is not something that can be simply applied or put on.

If you truly love your child and think about what's best for him, he will be able to sense it.

3. What is the nature of love for children?

There are many different ideas about how to love children.

I believe they are all correct.

If I might humbly offer you a suggestion, it would be this:

It would be fair to say that we don't really raise children according to a book.

As children grow up, they may encounter problems that we may not have foreseen.

It is not uncommon to face challenges in life.

I believe we can all handle it well.

It is only natural for parents to want to protect their children from the potential challenges of growing up, such as being abandoned, neglected, spoiled, abused, or witnessing a troubled relationship between their parents. While it is certainly a good intention to try to shield your child from these difficulties, it is also important to recognize that not every situation can be entirely avoided.

As parents, we can help our children to thrive by creating a nurturing environment for them.

It would be beneficial to pay attention to him, but after he grows up a little, it might be helpful to learn to consciously ignore him.

It might be helpful to let the child grow like a sapling, with room for his own exploration, rather than planning everything for him.

It might be helpful to remember that children are often stronger than we think.

It is important to remember that, in addition to being parents, we are also individuals with our own needs and characteristics.

It may be the case that how we are as people is of greater importance to our children than what we do.

I believe that the most important thing is to allow ourselves to grow together with our children.

If you feel so inclined, please feel free to share these ideas.

If it is of interest to you, you may wish to read "Positive Discipline."

With best regards,

Hello, question asker.

First of all, I'd like to give you a big thumbs-up for being a responsible and caring superdad!

As a new dad, it's understandable that your different parenting styles from your wife and elders have led to some conflicts.

It can be a little unsettling, but it also shows that the whole family loves and values the baby, so it's the same thing.

Everyone loves their kids. We all just want to show our love in different ways.

I'd like to discuss with you how to raise children from several aspects.

First, let's talk about how to handle disagreements with family members about education and parenting styles.

It's important to remember that you and your wife are both new to being parents and caregivers. This is a whole new role for you both.

So, we all have to accept that it's ignorance that causes conflicts and contradictions.

We can all agree that we love our kids and want them to grow up happy and healthy.

From this perspective, with the same starting point, which is the basis for reaching an agreement.

So, for the sake of the baby, the first thing to do is to avoid arguing and calmly negotiate with empathy and understanding for the other person's anxiety.

The kind of anxiety.

Next, we need to figure out who the main stable caregiver is.

Even though they're both raising the child, it's important to let them know that the child will be following the other for longer and that the other is the child's first and most stable caregiver.

So, it's important to think about what the main caregiver needs and to make sure they're feeling reassured.

The emotional stability of the caregiver is key to ensuring the child lives in a safe and secure environment.

Next, we need to figure out the parenting methods and goals.

This formulation requires everyone to sit down and discuss together. It's also important to be clear about the different parenting approaches needed for children of different ages.

And the parenting methods needed are also different.

As a general rule, the psychological society uses Erikson's eight stages of personality development as a reference point.

I'll share the first three stages since the sixth stage involves adulthood.

1. Infancy (0–1.5 years): the psychological conflict between basic trust and distrust. At this time, don't think of the baby as an ignorant creature.

It's a common misconception that as long as you're fed, you don't need to worry. In fact, this is a period of psychological conflict between basic trust and distrust.

This is because during this period, the child starts to get to know people. It's important for the child to see that the parents will come when they're crying or hungry, so they know they can trust them.

Trust is what we call the quality of "hope" in the personality, which strengthens the self.

Kids who have a sense of trust are full of hope, have big dreams, and are optimistic about the future. On the other hand, kids who don't have a sense of trust are less hopeful.

And they worry constantly about their needs not being met. Erikson defines hope as "a persistent belief in the attainability of one's desires."

It's a roar against the forces of darkness and a symbol of the birth of life.

So, the main thing parents should focus on at this stage is making sure the baby feels safe and secure, and building a strong attachment based on that.

It's important to have touch and skin contact with the child.

The second stage of childhood is from 1.5 to 3 years old. This is when kids start to push back against being told what to do. They want to be independent, but they're also still learning how to interact with others.

During this period, kids learn a lot of new skills, like crawling, walking, and talking. They also start to understand how to stick with things or give up when they need to.

Put another way, kids start making their own choices about what they do and don't do. This can lead to some pretty intense conflicts between parents and their little ones.

This is when the first stage of rebellion emerges. On the one hand, parents need to take on the task of controlling children's behavior to conform to social norms.

That means they need to develop good habits, like training kids to use the bathroom so they feel embarrassed about dirty or messy behavior.

They also need to learn to eat at the right times and save food. At the same time, children are starting to feel more independent and want to stick to their own eating and excreting habits.

So, training good habits is a challenge. At this time, children will keep using "I," "we,"

"No" is their way of resisting external control. Parents shouldn't listen to them and let them go, as this won't help the child to socialise.

On the other hand, if they're too strict, they'll hurt the child's sense of autonomy and self-control.

If parents don't handle things the right way, kids will get suspicious and start to feel shy.

So, understanding the concept of "degree" is helpful for fostering willpower in a child's personality.

Erikson defines willpower as "the ability to make your own choices and control your own behavior, even when you're feeling shy or unsure."

3. Early School Age (3–6 years): Active Conflict with Guilt

If you encourage your child to explore and be active during this period,

If kids are encouraged to explore and take the initiative, they'll be more likely to become responsible and creative adults.

If adults make fun of kids for being creative, it can really knock their confidence.

This makes them more likely to live within the narrow circle that others have set for them, without the initiative to create a happy life for themselves.

When kids have more drive than guilt, they develop a sense of purpose.

Erikson defines purpose as "the courage to face and pursue worthwhile goals, without letting fear of loss hold you back."

They're held back by guilt and fear of punishment.

The key for the person raising the child during this period is to praise and educate the child, avoid criticism and harsh words, and encourage the child's sense of initiative.

And fifth, it's important to find a way to resolve conflicts through compromise.

When opinions differ, each person can make their case. You might want to think about finding a wife you can trust.

It's also helpful to have elders or close friends who have already experienced childbearing, and who can show you what to do by example.

I'd also like to mention that a happy atmosphere in the whole family and emotional stability in the couple are important.

The maturity of the couple's personalities also plays a part in how well the child develops.

Greetings!

I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations to you on the occasion of becoming a new father.

It is important to note that the heart of the caregiver must be filled with joy and responsibility. However, it is also possible that feelings of anxiety and worry may arise, particularly when there are differences of opinion between the caregiver and their family members regarding child-rearing practices. Conflicts of this nature can lead to feelings of confusion and uncertainty about the best course of action.

The question of whether or not to embrace physical affection with one's child on a regular basis.

The capacity for self-awareness does not emerge until after the age of three or four months. During this period, infants perceive themselves and their surroundings as a unified entity. Despite this, they demonstrate an innate ability to perceive and process the external world through their senses. They are born with the capacity to hear, see, and feel emotions, although the sole means of expressing these emotions is through crying. This is the earliest form of communication that infants utilize to convey their needs to caregivers. If an infant cries and does not receive a response, it can have a traumatic impact on the infant and hinder the development of a sense of inner security in the early stages of life.

The skin is an important channel for babies to receive stimulation, and there is a consensus among experts that it is beneficial for babies to be held more frequently, particularly for skin-to-skin contact and to provide a sense of security through stroking.

However, it is also erroneous to assume that one should respond to the infant's distress with immediate physical contact or engage in non-essential forms of play. The infant's distress may be indicative of underlying physical needs, such as hunger, the need to urinate or bowel movements, or discomfort. In such instances, it is imperative to attend to the infant's immediate physical needs. This necessitates a caregiver's ability to observe the infant's cues, comprehend its temperament, and provide appropriate care and affection. Consequently, there is some merit to the traditional wisdom that suggests limiting physical contact with the infant, as establishing a routine of frequent physical contact may impede the ability to disengage.

The following section will address the concepts of love and spoiling.

Love and spoiling are two distinct concepts. Love begins with respect and boundaries, whereas spoiling is often driven by a desire to satisfy one's own needs without giving the child due respect and independence. If parents fail to set limits and allow their children to have their way, their children may develop a lack of boundaries and basic cognitive and judgment skills.

It is not uncommon for individuals to be aware of their own deficiencies and to attempt to compensate for them. For instance, an individual may have experienced abandonment, neglect, over-indulgence, or abuse in their family of origin, or may have witnessed poor relationships between their parents. As a result, the individual may seek to avoid repeating these experiences with their own children and to provide their children with more care, love, and a positive family environment. These initial intentions are not inherently problematic and demonstrate a genuine love for one's child and a willingness to assume responsibility.

The question of whether to hug one's child more often, or the distinction between love and spoiling, can be seen as two sides of the same coin. The key is to grasp the appropriate degree. Moderate skin-to-skin contact when hugging one's child can facilitate the establishment of an emotional connection, allowing the child to feel secure without becoming overly dependent. It is important to love one's child, but to do so with principles and boundaries in mind, and to respect the child's independent personality.

Nevertheless, regardless of how idealistic one may be, it is challenging to achieve complete perfection as a parent. There is a psychological concept that asserts a 60-point mother is sufficient.

Indeed, it can be argued that parents should not be unduly harsh on themselves, nor should they be excessively harsh on their children.

During a child's growth and development, parental love, support, and companionship are of paramount importance. Acquiring knowledge of child psychology and becoming familiar with the psychological characteristics of children can assist parents in making appropriate decisions and actions that promote the child's well-being and prevent harm caused by misguided actions motivated by love.

The role of parenthood is something that is innate, and it is not uncommon for individuals to lack the knowledge required to navigate this role effectively. The process of learning and growth occurs independently, and it is therefore advisable for parents to engage in mutual learning and growth, particularly in terms of understanding how to provide their children with the appropriate level of love and guidance.

It is my hope that Hongyu's reply will prove beneficial to you. I am grateful for your inquiry.

New father,

You have my congratulations on taking on a new role in life and working hard to do your best.

Newborn care is a delicate balance between scientific nurturing and practicality. While scientific care has been proven to give children more energy, the scale, methods, and resources needed in real life often require compromise. The ideal is perfect, but reality is skeletal.

Hug your child. It's as simple as that. Hugs give children care and love, especially for newborns. Body temperature, smell, and touch stimulate the development of the child's five senses. Increasing the density of parent-child interaction enhances the child's sense of security. Hugging is beneficial to children.

Hugging your child too much can be a problem. If your child is used to being hugged to sleep, they may become unable to fall asleep without being hugged or rocked. This is especially true for working women who have to return to work after giving birth and for grandmothers who have to take care of the baby for a long time. It is crucial to help the child develop a good sleeping habit as soon as possible.

A good child is praised, and if you praise them too much, they will become arrogant. There are endless parenting philosophies, but when it comes to your own child, you can't just stick to the old ways and keep talking about the past. Don't just copy other people's ideas and quote everything. Life is real, not artistic creation, so don't be too idealistic. Adapt to local conditions and apply what you learn in a practical way. This way, you'll achieve reliable results.

For example, between pride and whether or not to praise, these are not actually opposites. We must handle each situation based on the child's personality, not just act out a script. If the child is introverted and has low self-esteem, we must actively seek out their bright spots and guide them to look at problems optimistically. This will help them cultivate and maintain self-confidence. At least until it takes root and they can grow on their own. As for children who are used to being self-centered and disregarding the efforts of others, praise is not suitable. It's not that praise itself is wrong, but it's hard to become a big tree without experiencing the elements. Too much praise is not good for growing children. This is why more and more people are paying attention to failure education and cultivating children's resilience. Real life is never without its challenges. Children who have been showered with flowers and applause all the way will still hurt their fragile nerves, even if it's just indifference and normalcy.

If you love your child, you will plan for the long term. Every parent has expectations for their child and is trying hard to change their identity and give their all. There are methods and standards for this, so it is difficult to generalize. You must discuss things as they happen and break them down and ponder them one by one. However, the burden of reality, misunderstandings in communication, and differences in culture and habits can cause all kinds of unexpected miscommunications in the transmission of emotions. This is why our path of parenting is so long and difficult. Let's face it!

?☂️☔?☂️☔?☂️☔

It was only at the conclusion of the exchange that I discerned the original poster to be an individual who is "more willing to hold an umbrella for others after getting rained on." As a psychological worker, I find that I am always rejuvenated when I interact with this type of person. The challenges you have faced have not diminished your resilience, but rather have imbued you with a more expansive capacity for love and the strength to heal.

From your understanding of "more hugs" and "spoiling," it can be seen that you have many profound insights and food for thought on parenting and family relationships. At the same time, it can also be seen that you have become the person the whole family opposes. It must be very challenging to navigate these opposing views alone, and you may even question your own beliefs.

As the father of the child, you have a vested interest in how the child is raised.

In many families, women are the primary decision-makers and executors of child-rearing. It is therefore uncommon for men to provide input on these matters. However, just because input from the male perspective is rare does not mean it is incorrect. Fathers also have important decision-making and executive powers in child-rearing matters. I believe that in future communication with your family, you will also firmly believe that you have the right to speak up.

It is crucial to utilise family communication and coordination in an altruistic manner.

It is important to note that having decision-making power does not entitle one to demand that others unconditionally follow one's ideas. In a family setting, it is crucial to prioritize understanding and balance over judging right and wrong. For instance, a common point of contention among family members is their concern that the baby will become accustomed to sleeping with them, leading to a potential increase in future caregiving responsibilities. This could result in a significant impact on the main caregiver's personal time.

The implication is that the child has been spoiled and that the parent must now bear the consequences. The suggestion is that the parent will have to stay up all night with the child for many years to come. If the parent believes it is important to hug the child more, they should consider taking on all the demands for companionship in the future.

It is worth noting that there are not many years when children require full attention. Even if you assume this responsibility, it will not be onerous for a few years. Are you willing to make some time available for your child to receive more love? If you are unable to do so, you should also be aware that other family members are similarly constrained.

Raising children also entails raising the individual you once were.

If you wish to provide your child with a greater number of hugs, you may also find it beneficial to provide yourself with a similar level of comfort. The process of debating with your family may also be an opportunity to advocate for yourself and your former self. If you are simply fighting for your child, and if that fight also incorporates your own growth issues, you are effectively fighting for two people, and the intensity and motivation will undoubtedly exceed your family's imagination. Loving your child while also being more aware of your inner world will allow you to better understand how to communicate with your family.

It is essential to love your children and yourself passionately.

I am a listening therapist/psychological answerer [Xiao Yun], and I am seeking to expand my services to include spiritual growth coaching.

Hello. I am Yan Shiqi, and I am honored to answer your question.

From what the father said, it is clear that he is a responsible father with his own educational beliefs.

When it comes to education, the previous generation's views are definitely different from ours.

However, communication within the family is the key to a good family atmosphere.

When opinions differ with your wife and family, you must stand your ground.

When the father and wife have different views on child-rearing, they must communicate from the perspective of what is best for the wife and child. This is about communication, not persuasion.

Let me be clear: sleeping while being held does not necessarily mean skin-to-skin contact.

As someone who has been there, I can tell you with certainty that skin contact is the usual soothing massage given to the baby after a bath, as well as the hugs and kisses given when the baby cries.

Holding a newborn to sleep in the first few months makes it easy for them to develop the habit of not being able to sleep without an adult. It is not good for your child's spine and skeletal development for them to be held the whole time they sleep.

The best solution is to hold and comfort the baby to give him the sense of security he needs when he needs his parents.

Once he falls asleep, put him in bed so he learns to sleep by himself.

If your baby cries, do not immediately pick him up. Instead, talk to him, check his diaper, and see if it is time to feed him. While you are talking to him, comfort him. Then, pick him up.

This way, you can prevent your baby from developing the habit of crying when they encounter problems. You can also let your baby cry appropriately to practice the coordinated development of their lungs and body.

After reading this, you will understand why your family says that it is not good to hug and comfort your child to sleep.

Everyone is doing what is best for the child, but the meaning may change when it is expressed. This is why it requires the right communication method.

When communicating with close people, we often assume that they already know what we're talking about. This can lead to confusion and misunderstanding.

Dad should verify his parenting methods and then use them to communicate with his family. I am certain that his family will understand and appreciate his love and responsibility for his child.

That's my answer. I hope it helps.

Hello, I agree that a child's sense of security comes from skin-to-skin contact. Many people rely on their brains to raise their children. A sense of security cannot be satisfied by reason alone. You can find parenting content to convince them of this.

You asked about the difference between love and spoiling. Love is planning for your child's future. You educate your child even if they make mistakes. Spoiling is when an adult cares more about their own feelings.

Envy causes harm, and harm causes envy. I agree that spoiling is about taking over and controlling.

Pride is a neutral word. Saying "I'm Chinese and I'm proud" and not letting your child be "proud" are just different ways of expressing the same idea.

You mentioned that children can get hurt if parents aren't attentive. It seems this idea bothers you.

You came here to ask questions, that's love. The tenderness in your heart when you look at your child, that's love. Wishing your child to grow up happily, that's love. Wishing her not to suffer, that's love.

Don't have to prove it. Bless your friends and family.

Dear Question Asker, I extend my sincerest congratulations on becoming a new father. Every child is an angel sent by God to help their parents grow. However, this is where the problem arises.

The questioner's predicament and distress are palpable. With regard to the education of future generations, there is a tendency to adhere to the individualistic approach of espousing one's own perspective. However, it is crucial to consider the underlying rationale for these discrepancies. The divergence in views can be attributed to the profound significance attached to the nurturing of children. It is a universal aspiration to impart the invaluable experiences and resources that will facilitate their optimal physical and psychological development. Ultimately, the driving force behind this endeavor is the profound bond of love that unites parents and children. The profound attachment and desire to provide the best for one's children is a sentiment that resonates across cultures and contexts.

If the disagreement pertains to a variety of different ideas, forms, and styles of love, then this issue is not truly problematic. Instead, it is merely a matter of differing opinions, which is more readily addressed.

With regard to the question of whether to engage in physical contact in the form of a hug, the traditional parenting concept espoused by the elderly is that if such contact can be avoided, it should be. They express concern that if a parent hugs their child excessively, the child may become overly dependent and may even develop an inability to disengage from the hug. They also express concern that if there is no elderly person to assist with childcare, it will place an additional burden on the new parents. This represents yet another significant burden of love that parents place on their children. New parents believe that this kind of skin-to-skin contact, which involves hugging their child frequently, will enhance the child's sense of security. The child will always feel the touch of their father's presence and will be more at ease.

It is, however, preferable to allow the child to play freely without undue distress, as this is conducive to their emotional wellbeing. It is therefore recommended to provide the child with a hug on an occasional basis. Children are capable of experiencing the world around them freely, and the sensation of lying in a bed is also a means of learning and growth for them.

The concept of love is a vast and complex one. It encompasses the child as its primary subject, and it is the duty of the nurturer to respect the child's needs and provide them with appropriate attention. The distinction between love and spoiling is clear. Spoiling is the unprincipled and limitless gratification of the nurturer's and the nurtured's needs in the name of educating the child. It is also what the questioner refers to as control. The nurturer's actions are merely designed to make the child more obedient. In the early stages, this manifests as a means of reducing the infant's crying and the associated distress.

The question of what constitutes love between a parent and child is a topic worthy of discussion among all parents who are concerned about their children's education.

Children exhibit a wide range of personalities, are reared in diverse environments, and are cared for by a variety of individuals. It is plausible that these factors contribute to the variation in the love parents express towards their children. Nevertheless, the essence of loving children is to respect their needs and treat them as the primary focus. Providing children with what they require is an act of genuine love, not merely imposing one's own beliefs and expectations upon them. In the process of child-rearing, it is essential to meet their needs, provide guidance and support, allow for autonomy, and provide opportunities for them to navigate the world independently. The crucial aspect is to refrain from expecting anything in return, with the assumption that if one treats them a certain way, they will ultimately achieve a specific outcome. This form of reciprocal expectation is a significant obstacle in the journey of parenting.

The preceding section presents a brief account of parenting experiences from the perspective of a mother of a 16-year-old child, with the aim of providing mutual encouragement.

Hello, new dad! Let's learn to take care of ourselves together.

Congratulations on becoming a father. I can tell you're happy, committed, and positive. I'm happy your child has you as a father. I hope more parents are like you.

I can see the confusion and misunderstanding you have had in raising your child, as well as the anxiety caused by inconsistent family views on parenting.

You and your wife and elders have different ideas about parenting. You think hugging your child makes him feel secure, but they think it makes him dependent.

The main issue is how to love your children correctly.

As an educator, I believe the question you raised is the most important one in education. Here are some tips on how to love your children. The specific actions to nurture your children can be changed flexibly and will not be explained in detail here.

Giving your child love is an invisible connection.

A natural connection is one that comes naturally. This kind of natural connection is most likely to be found in the parent-child relationship. A child doesn't dislike its mother's ugliness or its family's poverty.

In other relationships, we try to get what we want. Only in the parent-child relationship can we accept, recognize, and connect with an open mind. This unconditional and pure love connects parents and children, is the spiritual umbilical cord that delivers love and nutrition, and is the guarantee of the child's sense of security, the child's strong backing, and an invisible but most powerful presence.

Some families are currently being harmed by unconditional love. Many parents love their children based on their own needs. They compare their children to others or look at their grades.

Or they make many other demands and only accept the child if they meet them. Otherwise, they reject and disapprove.

If parents love their children on condition of meeting certain needs, the children feel insecure. They think that they can only be loved if they meet their parents' needs. This is not love.

He tries to please his parents, but ignores his own needs.

However, unconditional love and strict requirements for a child are not contradictory.

2. Let your child be themselves. It's good to respect and appreciate them as individuals.

2. Let your child be themselves.

In the first few years of life, children are still too young to take care of themselves. They need their parents' love and care. Many parents mistake their feelings for their children's.

Once the umbilical cord is cut, the child is an independent person with their own feelings and thoughts.

It's common to ignore a child's needs. A grandparent might feel cold when you're cold, or a mother might feel hungry when you're hungry.

Children lose their freedom to be themselves when they're loved too much. Parents lose their freedom to be themselves when they spend too much time taking care of their children.

This kind of love can lead to the child hating being controlled and the parent feeling guilty.

In her book Love and Freedom, child educator Sun Ruixue writes that if we know how to love our children, we will let them become themselves. When a child becomes himself, he forms an ego, then becomes a person who realizes his ego, and finally he will be able to step out of his ego.

How can someone who doesn't know who they are achieve anything?

Parents who love their children must give them freedom. This helps them grow and become themselves. It also helps them realize their potential when they grow up. Parents must also have freedom to live their own lives and pursue their own spiritual pursuits. Being a parent is just one role in life.

When parents improve themselves, it helps their children the most.

3. Love gives children the strength to fly on their own.

3. Give your child the love to soar on their own. It is an energy reserve for your child and a blessing for the figure that is growing farther away.

A passage from Long Yingtai's parenting trilogy, "See You Off," conveys the wisdom of love to us. "The father-daughter relationship means that your destiny with him is to keep seeing his back recede into the distance, lifetime after lifetime."

You stand at one end of the path, watching him disappear around the bend. He tells you in silence: there's no need to chase.

Long-term, parents want their kids to do well, at home and away. This means helping kids learn and grow. Parents should give kids chances to try new things and improve.

This means letting go and giving. Letting go of excessive involvement and substitution. And giving children the chance to try, learn, or suffer.

Love means giving a child energy. Goodbyes show parents their child can face new challenges. The child knows it can do this on its own. It is not the other way around, where the child cannot go anywhere without the parents.

To understand different parenting styles, we must first understand what proper parent-child love looks like. For example, it's not recommended to put a child to bed.

Parents should help their children become independent. They should let their children do things on their own, like eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, and sleeping. If their children can't do something yet, parents should help them learn.

This is about parents and children being free to become themselves and separate from each other. In the infant stage, children need more hugs and touch, but not while sleeping. It's best to observe and communicate with them when they're awake.

Is it love or indulgence? Is my good intention towards my child something I want to do or something I should do as an educator? We can also judge our educational actions through reflection.

Are my actions useful? Who needs them?

Do my actions help children grow?

I hope these responses to your question about loving your children are helpful. I wish you joy in raising your children and happiness in your own lives!

It seems like you and your partner have different views on raising your child. I can see that you both love your child very much, and that's great. The most important thing is to communicate with each other to find the best way to raise your child.

1. What's the difference between loving a child and indulging a child?

I think it's a good idea to cuddle your baby a lot, especially when they're skin-to-skin, to give them a sense of security, including when they're sleeping. My wife and some older people say that we should cuddle our baby less now, otherwise we'll only be able to sleep by cuddling in the future. If we let our baby sleep on their own, they'll cry and scream. This is even more unacceptable now that my wife is going back to work after maternity leave!

First of all, your wife and your elders say that you should hold your baby less, otherwise he will only want to be held when he sleeps. This is the parenting style of the older generation, which says that newborns cannot be spoiled! Your wife, as a new mother, has also learned most of her experience from her elders!

But it really depends on the situation. Kids between 0 and 1.5 years old are working on feeling safe, which you also mentioned, which is great. At this age, the most important thing for kids is to feel secure! So what is a sense of security?

How do we do this?

We need to give children the help they need, when they need it. Right now, kids let us know what they need by crying. As parents, it's our job to pay attention to what our kids need: are they cold, hungry, thirsty, or do they need a diaper change? When we can sense their needs and then give them what they need, they're happier, and they feel more secure.

What about newborns? Should they be held more often?

For instance, if a child has just woken up and isn't crying but his eyes are rolling around, he's observing. At this point, it's best to leave him alone, which is more conducive to his growth.

As a general rule, if your child's needs are met, he'll be pretty content. If he's still crying even after you've taken care of everything, it's probably because he's got gas or is feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Another thing to keep in mind is that if the child gets used to being nursed to sleep once or twice, he will become dependent on it, which isn't good for the development of the spine. In fact, it's actually detrimental to growth!

I also don't recommend cry therapy because it can make the child feel insecure. It's better to figure out why the child is crying and then find a solution.

2. Is habit the same as spoiling? What exactly is spoiling?

I don't think spoiling is love. It's more about taking over and controlling. I'm not sure if I'm understanding this correctly.

And then there's the issue of "pride." Does praising a child for a good performance make them proud? I don't see the logic there.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

What you call spoiling is basically satisfying the child unconditionally, which isn't great for developing good habits.

We often say nowadays that we should encourage children, use positive education, and find more of their bright spots. So, how do you praise them?

Instead of saying things like "You're so smart!", praise your child for his efforts. For example, you can praise your child for being hardworking and conscientious. This affirms what he has done, while praising his intelligence affirms what he is born with. What if he can't do it anymore? He might think, "Then I'm not smart."

So it's important to give praise in the right way. Of course, your child is still young, and at each stage they need different psychological nourishment, which depends on the joint efforts and nurturing of you and your spouse!

3. I've put together a list of the different types of childhood trauma: abandonment, neglect, overindulgence, abuse, and seeing your parents fight. If we can avoid these situations, will everything be fine and can we just relax? What is love (parental love)?

I think this father is very aware. The points you've summarized could be harmful to children. So, if you avoid these situations, will everything be fine? I know you already have the answer in your heart.

There are lots of things that happen during a child's development, and there's no right or wrong way to do it. Instead of worrying about the impact on your child, it's better to focus on the present and what's best for your child.

I personally believe that parental love is about giving your child the love they need, not the love you think they need.

When you talk to your family, you can just present the facts. There's no right or wrong, you're just discussing what's best for your child's development. You can also buy some parenting books. When your wife doesn't agree with you, you can show her what the experts say, which is more convincing.

These are just my thoughts, and I hope they'll be helpful and inspiring. I wish your family the best, and I hope that with parents who love him as much as you do, your child will grow up to be even better. Best wishes to you!