I have two biracial children, divorced, and they constantly complain, don't do their homework, and make the room a mess in a daily cycle.

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

You feel tired and powerless despite your best intentions. You can't relax at home after a hard day. You feel depressed and irritated.

It's hard to raise two kids on your own, especially since kids have a lot of ideas and emotions. If you're not careful, you'll have problems.

The biggest problem is the two children. Let's sort out what the problem is:

They blame each other.

They argue.

They don't know how to take care of themselves.

The younger brother doesn't like doing his homework. The older sister loves to compare herself with her brother.

The two children are not united, they imitate each other, and adults' behavior affects children. This has always been the case. Parents are role models for their children. They imitate others because they are young.

1. Think about yourself.

The questioner is annoyed by some of the children's behavior. Is it because they see themselves in the children?

The problem may upset the questioner, but we can only solve the children's problems by seeing them. They may be too tired to respond to the children's needs, so they use this method to get your attention.

2. Let your kids know you need them.

The next time they fight, hug them and tell them you're sad to see them fight. Parents don't have to be strong in front of their children; they can show their vulnerability and let their children comfort them.

Thank them for understanding you and tell the children that your family can be very warm and work together. When children know how important they are to the family, it gives them a sense of responsibility.

3. Explain the results of not being hygienic.

The questioner can search for similar videos online and show them to the children. It may take a long time to change their behavior, but if they know why, they will change. The adults in the family should also set a good example.

4. Is there any discrimination?

Do the questioner and the rest of the family treat the two children the same? Do they say things like, "You are the older sister, you should let your younger brother go first?" They are both children, so why should the older one let the younger one go first?

If this is the case, the adults need to change. Then the older sister will feel that she and her younger brother are being treated equally, and her love for him will disappear.

I hope this helps. Best regards.

Hello, question asker. I can tell from your question that you're feeling pretty restless, anxious, and helpless.

You're divorced with two kids, and you get pretty annoyed when you hear them arguing with each other.

When you're on your own in a room, you're pretty calm.

Once you're in the same room as your kids, you get really annoyed and end up losing your cool, blaming them for being so annoying.

Every day, the house is a mess, and there's nothing you can do if your kids don't do their homework. Lectures don't work, and you even feel like the kids might have figured out your weaknesses because you can't stand to hit them.

I totally get it. You're feeling all over the place, and you need to calm down and take some time to think things through.

First, take care of your emotions.

I get the feeling that you're going through a lot right now. It seems like there are a lot of problems and issues that you're dealing with that you haven't been able to resolve yet.

Right now, you just don't have the energy to deal with your kids' issues.

So, before you tackle your kids' issues, you need to sort out your emotions.

If you don't want to be in the same room as your kids, go to the next room and take a quick break.

You can let parents help out for a while, and put the kids' problems on the back burner for now.

Take a moment to figure out what's really making you feel so chaotic and anxious inside, what you're really worried and afraid of, and what you can do to feel better.

To sum up, it's important to take care of your own emotions before dealing with your children's problems.

It's important to remember that a mother's emotions can affect her child's emotions.

If a mom is stressed, her kid is likely to pick up on it.

If the mother can't learn to manage her emotions and always seems out of control and irritable in front of her child, the child will also feel uneasy and anxious, and will easily become irritable and lose control.

My son's destructive behavior seems to be an expression of inner anger.

Don't jump in and scold your child right away. Take a moment to calm down and think. Try to understand what your child was feeling at the time, listen to them, and tell them what happened. You can also speak for them about their feelings.

When kids see their moms seeing and understanding their emotions, they're more likely to want to change. But constantly scolding and blaming them just makes them more and more angry and irritable.

The younger brother poked the pen with the tip facing down, and this act of destruction with the correctional tape seems to be an expression of frustration at not being understood or seen.

As a single mother, it can be tough to take care of two kids on your own. But you can make changes to help you and your children start fresh.

Best of luck!

Hello, I can see you're feeling confused. I'm here to help. You're divorced, have two half-children, and every day is a cycle of complaints, not doing homework, and a messy room. From all your descriptions, I can feel that you're anxious and irritable because of the problems with your two children. You want to escape and avoid facing them, but you must face them anyway, feeling helpless and hopeless. I'm here to help you.

After reading all your descriptions, I've taken the time to sort out the problems and summarize them into three points.

?1. Children's problems.

The two children have a bit of a rough time with their homework, and their room is a bit of a mess. They often blame each other for not tidying up, and the younger brother doesn't take care of things and sometimes even destroys the older sister's things. The older sister sometimes makes excuses, procrastinates, and doesn't take action.

How do children get along in a family with two children? What are the reasons for this?

It's important to remember that every child wants their parents to love them above all else. The elder sister was originally the parents' favorite child, but when the younger brother was born and received so much attention from their parents, it made her feel a little jealous. This can sometimes lead to sibling rivalry, which is totally normal!

If parents don't pay attention to the feelings of the older sister and instead try to control their lives too much, they might resort to reasoning with them about their arguments, or telling the older sister to give way to the younger brother, or even threatening them that they will be beaten if they don't listen. Other parents might use other conditions, such as rewards and punishments or points systems. Whatever the case, these are all ways in which parents are participating in their children's ability to deal with problems.

It's so important to let kids work things out on their own when they have a disagreement. It's a great chance for them to learn how to get along with each other and develop social skills!

?2. Your emotions.

It's totally understandable to feel annoyed when your kids are acting up. We've all been there! But try to ignore their behavior if you can. That way, you can stay calm and keep your cool. It's also good to remember that your feelings are valid. You said you felt like there was fire in your chest and told the siblings "what a nuisance" they are. It's okay to feel that way!

I know it can be tough just thinking about the mess before you even get home.

Take a moment to think about why you might be feeling so anxious and irritable. It could be that your marriage has failed, and you're struggling to move on from it. Have you considered whether your divorce was also caused by a lack of communication or a failure to handle marital relations?

On the other hand, your emotions also come from your relationship with the parents in your original family. We can turn to and analyze this together later if you'd like!

3. The pattern of interaction with the mother.

The mother shows you a video of the two children confessing to each other for not studying.

After you discard some items in the house, your mother has to pick them up again, and they're not the best at cleaning up. First of all, we need to understand that parents were in their generation, and the lack of material things caused them to care about and not want to discard the items.

And there's another reason we don't teach our little ones to clean up after themselves. It's a bit of a generational thing.

After you've taken care of everything, have you noticed anything new?

The situation in the family right now is a tough one. It's like a family on hot coals, with an anxious mother, a disappearing father, and an out-of-control child.

It's so important to understand how our emotions and our sense of boundaries influence our lives.

Take a moment to think back to the reasons why you got divorced. It's okay if you don't talk about it much — it affects you and your children and your relationship with your ex, and that's okay.

It's so important to remember that if you let the emotions of a failed marriage build up and transfer them to your interactions with your children, you'll find yourself irritated and impatient when watching your children's behavior.

So, what can we do?

First of all, it's important to remember that children are like a blank piece of paper, and their mother is the one holding the brush. Whether the blank piece of paper is carefully drawn or scribbled depends on the mother and her state of mind, which in turn affects the child.

Before you got divorced, the way you and your ex-husband got along influenced your children's character and behavior. You didn't notice it in time, and you didn't get a chance to guide your children to correct it in time. Unfortunately, it has accumulated to become what it is now.

It's so important to remember that a family is like a photocopier: parents are the originals, and children are the copies. Children's behavior is not something that just exists now; it is not formed in a day or two.

It's so important to think back to how we treated our children in the past and whether we saw their inner needs. This is especially true for the older sister.

You can tell your children directly that because of the divorce, you are feeling very sad, but this is something you and your husband need to work through together. You still love your children just the same. Today, you can take the lead and sort through all the items in the house with them, and show them how to put them away. But from now on, you need to do your own things yourself. You need to tell them that from now on, you will only remind them, but I believe you can do a great job. Children's growth and change requires a process, and we need to be extremely patient. This is a time to test us as parents. At the same time, your emotions and actions also have a certain impact on your children, so try to get out of the bad mood of the divorce.

? Secondly, we need to chat with the parents and let them know that to help their kids out, they can do their part by setting some boundaries. Kids can be a bit of a reminder that we could all use some help sometimes! Don't be too hard on them or tell tales. Getting rid of some old stuff that's just taking up space is a great way to show the kids that we're all in this together.

It's so important to remember that you need to take care of yourself too. It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling, but try to remember that you and your husband have divorced and you need to work through the issues. It's natural to feel resentment, take it out on the children, or feel listless and unable to muster the energy to do anything. All of this can be really draining on your body and mind, and it's not easy to do.

However, if you want to change the status quo, you have to start by adjusting yourself. There's a theorem in psychology that says whoever suffers changes, and whoever changes is happy!

If you're looking for a little extra support, you can try to find a professional psychological counselor for some one-on-one guidance. Or, you can also use methods like hitting the sofa, smashing pillows, tearing paper, running, and doing some intense fitness exercises to release dopamine and let out the emotions that come with divorce.

You can also read books on the laws of child development, such as "Child Development Psychology" and "Growing Up with Your Children." As parents, we must learn to grow together with our children, keep learning, and constantly enrich ourselves. This is the best subtle influence on our children, and it is also the best way to teach by example. Your changes will affect your children, and ultimately, they will live up to what you expect.

Hi, I'm Yun Qing, and I really hope my answer will give you some support and strength.

Good morning. My name is Gu Yi, and I endeavor to be both modest and consistent.

The role of motherhood demands not only physical strength but also intellectual fortitude.

From your description, it is evident that you are raising two mischievous children. In order to be a good mother to them, it seems that you must possess both wisdom and courage.

1. It is imperative to elucidate the established regulations to the children in question.

The current situation is one of divorce and two children. Such a family environment is inherently stressful. However, it is imperative that parents do not allow their children to develop in a manner that is detrimental to their well-being. One example is

My younger brother, who is eight years old, has a proclivity for destruction, evidenced by his tendency to puncture the tip of a pen or cut his sister's correction tape. I perceive this behavior as a waste of resources and have observed it on numerous occasions. I am uncertain as to the most effective approach to address this issue, as it seems to perpetuate itself cyclically.

At this juncture, it is imperative to explicitly convey to the child that if the item is damaged, it will be rendered unusable in the future and will not be purchased again. It is essential to instill in the child the importance of personal responsibility for the care of their belongings, such that they may utilize one pencil per week. In the event of depletion, the child is expected to devise a solution independently.

It is imperative that parents are not fearful of the potential consequences of their actions when managing their children. Instead, they should be confident in their ability to manage their children effectively, and this will undoubtedly benefit their children in the long run.

2. Engage in activities with your child.

Children around the age of eight are in a critical period for developing good habits, and guidance at this time is of great importance. At this time, it is crucial to acknowledge and celebrate the child's ability to seek assistance and find solutions. While it may not be immediately apparent, providing guidance and direction on problem-solving can be beneficial. One approach could be to set a regular time, such as every Saturday at 4 pm, for cleaning the house. This could be a family-wide activity, with all members contributing. Under your guidance, the child will gain a sense of purpose and value, as well as a sense of accomplishment, from the act of cleaning. It is important to acknowledge and praise their efforts when they do a good job, as this can foster a sense of satisfaction and self-worth.

3. Provide oneself with a sense of purpose and direction.

Indeed, parenting is primarily about providing guidance and direction to one's children. Children often look to their parents as role models and may begin to question the stories they are told. This is why being a good mother is not straightforward and requires significant effort and practice. However, with dedication and commitment, it is possible to succeed in this role. Having both a son and a daughter can be a rewarding experience.

I wish you the best of success.

Good day.

I am grateful to be able to offer you some guidance.

From your description, it seems that you are happy to be a mother, but you are also a little concerned about the different personalities of your two children and their tendency to blame and accuse each other. You are unsure of the best way to get them to calm down and you would like to create a more harmonious and pleasant atmosphere in your family.

Perhaps we could analyze the situation from the beginning, based on what you mentioned, and then find some appropriate methods to help you.

In the beginning, you mentioned that the siblings often quarrel, and that they accuse and blame each other. They each have their own reasons, and from your perspective, they also seem to have some truth to them. However, it's possible that there's more to the story than you know, and that's why you're feeling annoyed by the constant noise of their arguing.

You find the situation uncomfortable and would prefer not to be in the same room as them. When you leave the room, you feel calm inside. However, when you return to the same environment, you notice your irritability returning.

Firstly, it's possible that your heart is making a judgment about their quarrel, which could be that you are feeling disgusted by it. This may be because you're unsure of how to resolve the situation. Secondly, it's understandable that you might feel uncomfortable in the environment of the quarrel. Perhaps it would be helpful to think back to whether there were any situations in your family of origin that made you feel similarly.

If this is the case, it may be helpful to consider that your past experiences are influencing your present response, which can lead to feelings of annoyance and distress when faced with children's arguments.

It would be beneficial to find a suitable way to calm them down. First of all, they are blaming each other, so it would be helpful to ascertain the truth of the matter.

It might be helpful to ask them directly what happened. If you could take them both separately into a quiet environment to talk, that could be beneficial. It would also be valuable to understand the full context of the situation and to consider each of their actions in light of that understanding.

Then, you could gather the two together and explain your views on their behavior and what you think the reason is for them blaming each other. You might also ask them if this is really the case.

It would be helpful to guide them to base their actions on the truth and to be aware of the emotions they are feeling. It might be beneficial for them to realize that these emotions are causing some psychological changes in them, rather than focusing on the other person's actions and causing conflict.

As you gradually accept this experience in your heart, you may wish to consider talking to the two siblings in the light of the current situation. It might be helpful to explain the objective facts and communicate with them. This could help the three of you to face the situation with a calmer tone and attitude.

It would be beneficial for the two siblings to work on tidying their rooms. Currently, their rooms are very messy and poor, with items falling on the floor and not being picked up. Additionally, their tables are also full of things. It's understandable that they may blame each other for tidying up, but it's important to recognize that they trust and care for each other. However, they may not yet know how to express this mutual care.

As you also mentioned later, the younger brother may sometimes poke the pen tip downwards and break it, and he may occasionally cut the sister's correction tape. This kind of destructive behavior could be an attempt to attract his sister's attention and show her care. However, as a boy, his character may be a bit more rude. He may think that his sister is very angry and aggrieved when he cuts the correction tape of a girl, and a boy may feel a sense of accomplishment and feel very powerful.

It's important to understand that this behavior is not constructive. As a mother, it's your role to help your children understand that it's okay to want to receive love from their sister. They can express their feelings verbally or ask for help in a way that's not destructive.

This way, the sister can gain a better understanding of her brother's needs, preventing him from causing a lot of damage to her belongings. Instead of getting the attention he desires, he may experience a sense of confusion, and the sister may feel sad because she was forced to break things. This could lead to her scolding the brother.

For this reason, we decided to alter our approach. We believe it is important for children to understand that they require care from their peers and that they are eager to receive it. However, they may not always know how to express this need. We propose that when a child desires care, they should communicate this to the other person in a way that is comfortable for them, such as saying, "I want a hug," "I want to spend some time with you," or "I want you to tell me some stories or help me with my homework and play with me." This is a valid way of expressing their needs.

You might also consider asking your children how they could make their home more in line with their own ideas.

This approach can effectively address the issue of the table being piled high with toys and sundries, and no one tidying up.

In the world of siblings, there may be a strong sense of trust in parents and a strong sense of trust in each other. This can sometimes result in a perception that if one sibling doesn't do something, another will. However, it's important to recognize that the family needs everyone's joint efforts to continuously improve and maintain the harmonious atmosphere they desire.

It's likely that the siblings would like their home to be a happy and joyful place, as well as clean and tidy. For instance, after tidying up the house, you could inquire about their thoughts on the environment after tidying up.

If they feel that the environment looks clean and comfortable, bright, and welcoming, you can then gently guide them.

You might say something like, "This environment is something that your mother helped you two put together. This home is where we live together, and we need to work together to keep it clean. You may not yet be able to clean up properly,

"But don't worry, we can do it together, and mommy will be there for you."

At first, they may have some ideas of their own, such as where they would like to put this object or how it might be better stored. You could consider taking these suggestions on board, involving them in the decision-making process and encouraging them to develop a sense of belonging and ownership in their home.

If I may make a suggestion, I believe that with time and patience, the flow of love between you will gradually circulate, and you will achieve your desired goal.

I wish you the very best.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

If you're interested in learning more, there are a few online resources that might be helpful. One Psychology Q&A Community, World and I Love You (https://m.xinli001.com/qa) is a good place to start.

Hello, and thank you so much for trusting me to answer your question! Before we get into it, I just want to give you a big hug to show you some warmth and support.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're feeling a bit bothered by the arguments between the two children. I've never experienced that personally, but I can imagine it's a tough situation to be in. It's great that you're looking for advice on how to handle it.

You said, "My younger brother is already eight years old," and this age is just the time when, according to the common saying, "children are a nuisance." It's totally normal! Children at this age are in the early stages of the transition from late childhood to adolescence. Their various bodily functions have developed a lot, and they are more powerful and capable like adolescents. However, their mental level is still in childhood, and their understanding of many things is still at the level of childhood. This will make them "confused" about their own behavior, and their understanding of their own behavior will mostly be based on the understanding of "mischief," rather than the understanding that their behavior has caused some harm to others.

This is also why it's so important to help kids understand the rules. Parents can do this by being patient and strategic, making the rules clear, and explaining rewards and punishments.

I just wanted to share my personal views with you, in case they're helpful. Take care of yourself!