I heavily rely on my boyfriend, but now we're on different paths. How should I adjust my mindset?

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well.

It is not uncommon for individuals to invest significant time, resources, and effort into a particular endeavor, only to find that the outcome does not align with their expectations. This can lead to feelings of disappointment and sadness. From your perspective, your boyfriend is a highly determined and motivated individual. Conversely, you perceive a certain degree of inferiority complex and insecurity in yourself. You aspire to become more independent and confident, with the goal of standing by his side in a more advantageous position.

How might I adjust my mentality?

I believe the most crucial step is to refrain from labeling yourself as "unable" due to your failure in the examination.

While entrance exam results are a key indicator of learning ability and knowledge in a specific area at a particular stage, they do not fully capture a person's abilities and qualities. In my view, personality traits, character and morals, emotional management skills, and an individual's approach to life are also crucial factors in determining their overall goodness.

From your description, I understand that you are a driven individual with a clear plan for your future and the ability to work hard to achieve it. These qualities are rare and highly valuable in any professional setting.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and to accept your personal attributes.

I believe that having a strong sense of self and confidence is contingent upon having a clear understanding of oneself, including one's identity, background, and future aspirations. Social psychologists have surveyed tens of thousands of individuals from diverse backgrounds and found that although 95% of them believe that they have the ability to understand and perceive themselves, in reality, less than 15% actually demonstrate this ability.

It is commendable that you currently have a clear life goal: to find a job and prepare for the provincial exam. Given your boyfriend's aptitude for studying and exams, he could be a valuable partner in developing a preparation plan for the provincial exam that takes your personal situation into account.

In conclusion, I would like to present some strategies for enhancing self-esteem, providing a defense mechanism against self-doubt and low self-esteem.

1. Consider developing new interests through hobbies.

Hobbies such as calligraphy, painting, flower arrangement, and dance can be invaluable in helping individuals cope with challenging circumstances and reaffirm their sense of worth.

It is recommended that you exercise regularly.

Some studies have demonstrated the close relationship between the body and mind. A healthy and energetic body can also foster a positive state of mind. Conversely, good health is of paramount importance.

3. Practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness, also known as "living in the present," entails being aware of each thought and using the mind to observe and feel what is happening in the present. Over time, it can effectively enhance our ability to be aware and perceive happiness, reducing a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and unassuming.

Your description made me feel your mood and life have changed and your mentality has been affected because I didn't make it ashore.

Understand what we are relying on.

Preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam with your boyfriend must be fun. You have to get up early every day and study hard, which is tiring. But it's nice to work with your boyfriend and make progress together. The whole process is hard, but you're happy. You've become used to having each other in your life. You'll enjoy this happiness together. You're dependent on each other.

A journey will end and change at some point. The hard days of the postgraduate entrance exam will come to an end, and everyone will head in their chosen direction. At this time, life's sudden adjustments should have been taken up with busyness. Once you have time to spare, you will be at a loss.

My boyfriend went ashore and I didn't, so I'm constantly thinking about how I feel. I think about it sometimes, and even the slightest comparison makes me feel bad. This is normal. Most people don't want others to do better than them.

We should say goodbye to some experiences from the postgraduate entrance exam, treasure the good ones, and remember the memories. But life goes on. Boyfriends may have a path to follow, so we should adjust our state and find a direction that suits us.

Failure lets us choose a new direction, so enjoy it.

If you adjust your state.

Many people take the postgraduate entrance exam more than once.

There will be successes and failures. As long as we tried our best, the result doesn't matter. We should know why we're taking the exam. If it's for our career, we can take it again.

If you're just trying to improve your qualifications, we can adjust our thinking. Understand why you started, and you'll be happier.

If your boyfriend goes ashore and you don't, it will affect your intimacy.

Your boyfriend's words and actions may still irritate you. We are sensitive and have ups and downs. I hope you can put this aside. One failure does not mean the end. Get along with your boyfriend. The postgraduate entrance exam is not everything. Let's go for a walk together.

You understand yourself and your emotions well.

But you must separate work from study. These relationships require adjustment. Girls, be strong in some things and weak in others. It is good to have ambition, but not in relationships.

Best wishes!

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the treasure of the body!

From your description, I can feel your inner strength, resilience, and determination to overcome your challenges.

I won't go into the details of your troubles with your boyfriend and the different paths you and he are taking, but I do have three pieces of advice for you that I think you'll find really helpful!

I have a suggestion for you that I think will really help: try to accept your current situation!

Doing so will make your heart feel slightly lighter, which will help you think about what to do next!

You say that you have a dependent personality and are very dependent on your boyfriend. You took the postgraduate entrance exam together, and while he got in, you didn't. You have a big psychological gap, and you unconsciously feel anxious and inferior in front of your boyfriend. At the same time, you are also anxious because you are forced to be independent. In fact, your state is understandable, because everyone is anxious when faced with change. What's more, your change also involves personality independence, a sense of inferiority brought about by the level of your education, and the problem of not getting the same in return for what you give. So you have to try to accept your state, "see" that anxious, but temporarily at a loss as to what to do, anxious self. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your brain will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

And the best part is, when you allow yourself to try to accept your current situation, it makes it possible to promote change in the status quo! It may sound contradictory, but that's because change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, I highly recommend that you take a rational look at your own state of mind.

Rational thinking is a great way to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you!

Ready to take control and make some positive changes? Here's what you need to do to start seeing things clearly:

First, get this: true love has nothing to do with your educational background!

You said that after you failed the postgraduate entrance exam, you would unconsciously compare yourself with your boyfriend, and then feel anxious and inferior. Perhaps you are worried that your relationship will be affected if your education level is not as good as his. At this time, you need to understand that if he really loves you, he will still love you even if you don't have a master's degree! He loves you as a "person" and not your education.

Second, embrace the fact that your forced independence is likely a good thing!

You have to grow up independently, and that's a great thing! It means you can't rely on him for the rest of your life, and that's okay. You can't rely on him all the time, and that's okay too.

I totally get it! You have a lot to worry about right now, and it's natural to feel anxious. But remember, you're a work in progress, and you have the power to make changes and improve yourself. Think about how much time and energy you have to make things better. You've got this!

When you look at your situation rationally, you'll see that your various negative emotions will be resolved!

I really encourage you to focus on yourself and think about what you can do to feel better!

When you look at your situation rationally, you'll know what to do! At this point, you focus on yourself and give it your best shot.

For example, think about how you handled people and situations before you met your boyfriend. You say you have a dependent personality, but I bet you had your own opinions and handled things on your own at some point. Think about what you did then and how you can apply those experiences to your life now. You'll be amazed at how much more confident you'll feel!

Think back to how your boyfriend has his own opinions when you get along. Learn from his methods and ways! You can become more assertive, too.

You can conquer your inferiority complex about your education! Tell yourself, "He loves me for who I am, and my education is not the key factor. Besides, I will either work or become a civil servant in the future, which are just different experiences." This change in thinking will make you feel better!

You can start right now and try doing things on your own, even if you make mistakes. It's okay because everyone learns from their mistakes. Give yourself some time and be patient with yourself. Accepting yourself this way will make you feel better!

You can also do things in a "prepared for the rainy day" way, that is, try to be fully prepared for everything. For example, if you say you want to prepare for the provincial exam and find a job, then concentrate on doing it, and do everything you can think of to prepare for it. You'll be amazed at how quickly you'll become independent, confident, and strong in the process of preparing! In short, you need to know that you can do something to improve the current situation, because sometimes the enemy of all kinds of negative emotions is action.

And the great news is that you are also growing through action!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you want to chat some more, just click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom and I'll be in touch!

Dear Question Owner,

I can fully comprehend your emotional state and cognitive processes. You rely on your boyfriend, but the two of you are on the cusp of embarking on disparate trajectories due to the postgraduate entrance exam, and you are experiencing a certain degree of mental imbalance. You are uncertain about how to adapt. Let us examine this together:

I empathize with your sentiments and circumstances. You rely on your boyfriend, but as you and he are on the cusp of embarking on disparate paths due to the postgraduate entrance exam, you are experiencing a certain degree of emotional imbalance. You are uncertain about how to adapt. Let us examine the situation together:

It is important to acknowledge the reality of the postgraduate entrance exam.

It is important to consider the context of the situation.

The competition for postgraduate entrance exams is intensifying. This year, for instance, approximately three million individuals are projected to fail. It is not a reflection of one's inherent abilities or work ethic; it is simply a matter of another candidate having invested more effort or achieved a higher score. In some instances, luck may also play a role. Therefore, it is unnecessary to be excessively self-critical. At the very least, one has made an effort.

The competition for postgraduate entrance exams is intensifying. This year, for instance, approximately three million individuals are anticipated to be unsuccessful. It is not a reflection of one's inadequacy or lack of effort; rather, it is a consequence of another candidate's superior work ethic or performance. In some instances, fortune also plays a role. Consequently, it is unnecessary to be excessively self-critical. The mere act of attempting the exam is a commendable one, regardless of the outcome.

Furthermore, it is important to consider the postgraduate entrance exam in an objective manner. It is also important to recognize that those who pass the exam may not necessarily have an easier time than those who fail. It is essential to acknowledge that individuals have different choices and circumstances.

It is important to allow yourself sufficient time to process the situation.

The results were, however, far from satisfactory. On the one hand, there was a significant psychological gap, and on the other hand, I was anxious and felt inferior because I unconsciously compared myself to my boyfriend. As soon as I heard about what happened to him after he went ashore, I would become emotionally distressed and lose interest in everything.

"The results were, however, highly unsatisfactory. On the one hand, there was a significant psychological gap, and on the other hand, I was unconsciously anxious and inferior compared to my boyfriend. I would become emotional whenever I heard about what happened to him after he went ashore. As a result, I lost interest in everything."

The current status of the question owner requires further consideration. It is challenging to accept such a result immediately upon seeing the results, particularly when one's romantic partner, who studied alongside them, has achieved a similar outcome. There is no inherent harm in making comparisons, but this kind of comparison will inevitably occur numerous times without one's awareness.

The current state of the question owner still requires a period of reflection. It is challenging to accept such a result immediately upon seeing the results, particularly when one's romantic partner, who studied alongside them, has achieved a similar outcome. There is no inherent harm in making comparisons, but this kind of comparison will inevitably arise numerous times without one's awareness.

Firstly, the inquirer must comprehend and accept the present condition, which is a period of time that must be endured but will eventually become a distant memory.

First and foremost, it is imperative to comprehend and accept the prevailing circumstances. This is a phase that must be endured, yet it is also crucial to have faith that it will soon become a distant memory.

If one is truly disinclined to pursue any other course of action, it may be advisable to take a moment for introspection. It is important to recognize the full spectrum of emotions that accompany such a decision, including both positive and negative sentiments. One can document these experiences in writing, thereby creating a comprehensive record of a significant period in one's life. This process may prove beneficial in facilitating a more nuanced understanding of the decision in the future. Additionally, it may be beneficial to reflect on the areas where one's performance was less than optimal. This reflection can inform future adjustments and improvements in one's studies and professional endeavors.

In the event that one is truly disinterested in pursuing any further action, it may be beneficial to take a moment for introspection. One can record both positive and negative experiences to document the process of self-advocacy. It is possible that one's perspective may shift when reflecting on these experiences in the future. Additionally, it may be helpful to document areas where one feels they could have performed better, allowing for the identification of potential areas for improvement in future endeavors.

In any case, it constitutes a form of growth.

Then, one must inquire of oneself: Are you certain?

Then, one must inquire of oneself: Am I indeed certain?

The question then becomes whether this change in life trajectory is a viable option. It is important to consider the potential consequences of such a change, including the possibility of regret or resentment. It is also essential to assess whether the change is necessary, given that it may not be feasible to maintain the same level of dependence on the other person. It is also important to recognize that self-confidence and assertiveness are not necessarily diminished by a change in life trajectory. Each individual possesses unique strengths and abilities, and it is unproductive to negate one's entire self due to a single setback. In conclusion, while a change in life trajectory may be a viable option, it is essential

"Our life trajectories have undergone a transformation, and I have become accustomed to relying on him. Now that I am poised to become independent, I am uncertain about how to cultivate my confidence and assertiveness in his presence."

"Our life trajectory has undergone a transformation, and I have become accustomed to relying on him. Now that I am poised to become independent, I am uncertain about how to cultivate confidence and assertiveness in his presence."

A change in life trajectory is an unavoidable eventuality. The pertinent question, therefore, is whether the individual is truly certain of their decision. Will they experience regret or resentment as a result?

In making a decision, it is essential to consider a multitude of factors in a comprehensive manner. Even if one's life trajectory undergoes a change, it does not have to be entirely independent. One can remain essentially the same, with the primary focus of one's work or studies undergoing a shift. The specific development trajectory following this change still necessitates discussion with one's partner.

I postulate that the reason the two are together is not because they have developed self-confidence and assertiveness in the presence of the other. It is important to recognize that everyone has their own strengths and that it is unproductive to negate one's entire self in the face of a single setback.

It is recommended that you attempt to divert your attention elsewhere.

One might consider engaging in a diversionary activity.

Following an extended period of study, the sensation of either success or failure can be sudden and unexpected. This can result in a loss of confidence and a tendency to blame oneself for any perceived shortcomings.

One might attempt to redirect one's attention. The questioner referenced "preparing for the provincial exam and finding a job." It would be reasonable to focus on that. Alternatively, one might choose to relax, cultivate a few hobbies, and then begin anew with a clear mind.

It is my sincere hope that my response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question. Best regards,

Ultimately, it is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question. Best regards,