I live with my mother-in-law, but we don't get along. I don't want to get divorced because of her, so what should I do?

Dear question asker,

From your question, it is evident that you have endured significant challenges throughout your life. I extend my support and encouragement to you.

One's parents are not a choice; they are a given. I am unaware of the circumstances of your upbringing. However, I surmise that you possess a kind disposition, as those of a kind nature tend to consider the feelings of others and often neglect their own needs. This is evident from your numerous accounts of your mother-in-law, as well as your decision to purchase her clothes and a mobile phone to make her happy. Your willingness to integrate into this family is apparent.

I am aware that at home, one must be mindful of the other person's expressions from time to time. It is not uncommon to observe the other person simply staring at you. The type of depression one experiences is challenging for individuals without such experiences to comprehend. These circumstances are undoubtedly difficult to navigate. I offer you another embrace.

It appears that the current circumstances are unlikely to change in the near future, as the children require the elderly to provide care and assistance. This indicates that your family still relies on the support of the elderly. Additionally, your description suggests that you recognize the elderly for their role in caring for the children and managing household tasks. You mentioned that the elderly often express frustration with your husband and his wife, citing a lack of assistance. This highlights the challenges and exhaustion that your family is currently facing. Given the young age of the children, it is evident that your family is facing significant challenges.

The difficulties of caring for the elderly, managing household tasks, addressing children's fatigue, the lack of assistance from in-laws, and the need for self-sufficiency in these tasks present a significant challenge in identifying a single area for change. Additionally, modifying these aspects is not a straightforward process. The elderly may experience fatigue, making communication challenging, and in-laws may have their own reasons for being unable to assist. Furthermore, combining childcare and housework is a demanding task. In this context, modifying one aspect may potentially influence the dynamics of the relationship.

Your decision to seek assistance is a testament to your desire for change. It is evident that you are experiencing discomfort due to your mother-in-law's silent treatment. It is important to note that there is a psychological study that posits that individuals who are suffering tend to seek help, and those who seek help tend to undergo a transformation. This is a well-researched and viable path.

Therefore, despite your reservations about the feasibility of change, the solution truly begins with oneself, as this is the most effective approach. There is also a psychological concept that awareness is the initial step in the process of change. In other words, you are already on the path to transformation.

I believe you are already aware of the meaning of these sayings. Given that you have previously undergone a similar experience, I suggest that you simply revisit the original treatment process and learn from your previous experiences. This should facilitate a gradual adjustment on your part. For instance, you may choose to engage in leisure activities outside the home, given that the elderly are currently responsible for childcare and domestic tasks. You could also consider purchasing prepared meals for the family, which would reduce the burden on the elderly. If circumstances permit, you might even consider travelling to distant locations. A family of three could be a viable option in this case. This approach could potentially reduce the number of meetings required through distance and contribute to a more harmonious family dynamic.

It is my contention that as long as the desire for change persists, there are always more avenues than obstacles to explore. Self-belief is a crucial factor in facilitating positive change. In my view, the decision to divorce should only be considered when the children are adequately cared for and there is a reliable source of nutrition at home. Perseverance is essential in overcoming challenges, and with time, the situation will improve. As the children grow older, the dynamics of the family will evolve, creating opportunities for a more harmonious coexistence.

One should endeavor to live one's life to the fullest, embracing the world and all its possibilities with an open heart and mind.

Hello. You had a bad experience with your parents. They didn't talk to you much and locked you in the house. This made you feel alone and hurt.

You felt alienated from your mother-in-law after getting married. You tried to improve the relationship, but your efforts were in vain.

Many people ask about the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law on Yixinli. This shows that it's a common problem, especially when living together. Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are strangers who don't know each other. Their relationship is based on marriage. However, they didn't have an emotional connection before, so it's not easy to establish one.

There are also differences between generations. Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law often have different ideas and habits. These differences can grow over time when they live together.

Your mother-in-law helps with the kids, cooking, and cleaning. You may be grateful for this, but when she's cold and distant, it can be overwhelming.

Tell your mother-in-law how much you appreciate her.

You can discuss with your husband doing some housework together during your free time. This will help you interact as a family. Even after you move out, you will still have to decide how to share the housework.

Your relationship with your husband is the core of your marriage. You have a good relationship, and your husband cares about your health.

Discuss with your husband how you can run your family better.

If you can't get close to your mother-in-law, then maybe you should just be polite for now.

Dear question asker, My name is June Lai Feng.

After reviewing your account and the circumstances you have described, I have gained a comprehensive understanding of your situation. The impact of one's family of origin on an individual is significant, and your current circumstances must be exceedingly challenging.

The combination of severe depression symptoms caused by the original family and living with your mother-in-law and not getting along with her can indeed result in significant pressure and distress. However, your stated preference for maintaining the marriage despite these difficulties demonstrates a commitment to persevering in the relationship.

Subsequently, further measures may be taken to alleviate depressive symptoms, while simultaneously striving to enhance the relationship with your mother-in-law and cultivate a harmonious family dynamic.

Firstly, it is recommended that the patient accept the current situation rather than resist it excessively, as this may help to reduce stress. Secondly, it is important to prioritize the patient's own physical and mental health, given that the patient has been hospitalized with symptoms of severe depression.

It is recommended that you continue to receive treatment to help control your condition. It is also advised that you engage in appropriate exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

The next step is to engage in an open and honest dialogue with your husband regarding your feelings and concerns. It is essential to convey to him that you are seeking assistance and that you hope to find a solution together.

It is advisable to establish clear boundaries between yourself and your mother-in-law in order to safeguard your personal space and emotional needs.

Once more, it is advisable to alter one's perspective and attempt to establish compromises with one's mother-in-law wherever feasible, with the aim of reducing conflicts. It is important to respect and comprehend one's mother-in-law's perspectives, opinions, and lifestyle, and to strive to perceive things from her vantage point.

It is recommended that communication with the mother-in-law be conducted in a polite and respectful manner. Expressions of gratitude for her contributions are also encouraged, as are expressions of praise and affirmation. At the same time, it is important to demonstrate care and consideration for her life and needs.

It is important to recognise that any form of love is reciprocal.

It is therefore recommended that a separate space be created in order to ensure that an individual has their own independent space where they can relax and regain their energy. Furthermore, attention should be paid to interests and hobbies, and activities that bring happiness and satisfaction should be sought out.

Ultimately, if the issue of cohabitation with one's mother-in-law remains unresolved and is significantly impacting one's physical and mental well-being, it may be necessary to contemplate long-term family planning options, including the possibility of living separately or pursuing alternative solutions.

The resolution of complex family relationships requires a significant investment of time and effort, while the reconstruction of damaged relationships necessitates patience and tolerance. It is of paramount importance to prioritize one's health and happiness. It is essential to maintain a positive outlook and to believe in one's ability to overcome adversity.

I extend my warmest regards to you and your loved ones on this joyous occasion.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor in the Transactional Analysis school.

From what the questioner has shared, it's clear that they're facing a pretty complex situation. It's totally understandable that they're feeling a range of intense emotions, including internal conflict and anxiety. It's so challenging when we're emotionally pressured and facing obstacles.

It's so hard when you live with your mother-in-law and you don't get along with her. It's even harder when you have to take care of someone with severe depressive symptoms. It's so important to find a way to maintain your marriage while also taking care of your mental health. I'd love to suggest some simple strategies for you to relieve this pressure and avoid the situation from further deteriorating to the point of affecting your marriage.

It's so important to take care of yourself and work on your mental health too.

It's so important to seek professional psychological help, stick to your depression treatment plan, and make sure you're getting regular check-ins to make sure your emotions and psychological state are properly managed. If you can, it's also a great idea to get some extra support from a psychological counselor. This can really help you get the most out of your treatment and make sure you're on the right track.

It's also a great idea to find ways to relax and relieve stress that work for you. You could try exercise, meditation, reading, or anything else that helps you feel more at ease.

It would be really helpful for you to communicate more with your husband.

It's so important to tell your husband how you're feeling. He needs to understand your inner world and the pressure you're under.

Have a chat with your husband about some solutions, like drawing up a plan for sharing the household chores to make your mother-in-law's life a little easier. Or, if you can, think about renting or buying a home nearby so you can have a bit of space and privacy.

It would be really lovely if you could try to improve your relationship with your mother-in-law.

It can really help to try to understand your mother-in-law's thoughts and actions from her perspective. It's possible that she's facing her own pressures and difficulties too. Show her your gratitude, but also let her know how you're feeling.

It's a great idea to look for common ground with your mother-in-law. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel when you've found something you both love doing together! Why not start with something simple, like taking care of the children or doing the housework together? You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel when you've found something you both love doing together!

It's so important to try to remain calm and rational when dealing with your mother-in-law's complaints and accusations. It's natural to get a little agitated or emotional, but try to choose the right time to communicate and explain. Sometimes, direct communication can really help to alleviate misunderstandings and tensions.

It's always a good idea to expand your social circle!

It's a great idea to get out of the house, join social activities or interest groups, make new friends, and expand your social circle!

It's so important to keep in touch with your friends and relatives, share your life with them, and ask them for their support and help.

You can also find people who face the same problems together and set up a mutual aid group. This can be a great way to have a support system in place so that you don't have to face the family relationship with your mother-in-law so lonely.

It's also a great idea to make a plan for the future!

It might be a good idea for the questioner to have a chat with her husband and come up with a long-term plan together, like moving out to live on their own. That way, she'll have a clear goal to work towards, and it'll give your marriage a fresh start.

It's so important to seek external support when you need it.

If you feel like you can't handle this on your own, don't worry! You can always reach out to your family for support or consider speaking with a professional counselor or therapist. They can provide more specific advice and guidance.

In Chinese families, there are not only problems in the nuclear family, but also problems in the combination of the questioner and her husband's family. When facing problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it's important for the questioner not to give up her marriage and happiness too easily. Although living with the mother-in-law may bring some challenges and difficulties, as long as the questioner and her husband work together, I'm sure you'll be able to find a solution to the problem and create a harmonious and happy family environment together.

If you feel like you can't handle this on your own, please don't hesitate to reach out to someone who can help. Your life and feelings matter, and you deserve support and help.

I really hope my answer can help the original poster!

I'd also like to suggest some related books that I think you'll find helpful.

I'd also like to suggest some books that I think you'll find helpful. They are: "The Family on the Hot Plate," "The Survival Guide to the Original Family," "The Self-Help Manual for Depression," and "I Have a Black Dog Named Depression."

From the questioner's description, it is evident that the mother-in-law is experiencing some challenges within the family unit.

Firstly, the mother-in-law is typically responsible for the majority of domestic tasks and childcare duties, while the father-in-law is occupied with external employment. This division of family responsibilities may result in the mother-in-law experiencing elevated stress levels and a sense of discontent, which can subsequently manifest as negative emotional attitudes.

Secondly, the mother-in-law displays a lack of communication and indifference when in the presence of the questioner. Despite the absence of direct accusations, her demeanor causes the questioner distress and discomfort. Furthermore, the mother-in-law exhibits discontent and dissatisfaction when interacting with other family members, which may foster negative emotions and a less than optimal atmosphere within the family.

Furthermore, the mother-in-law has not provided sufficient acknowledgment of the questioner's contributions and goodwill. Her demeanor has been perceived as apathetic towards the questioner's endeavors and concerns, which may lead to feelings of helplessness and frustration.

In the event of a tense relationship with her mother-in-law, the questioner can take a series of measures to improve the situation and promote harmonious family relationships.

It is of the utmost importance to establish positive communication channels. The questioner should endeavor to engage in an open and honest dialogue with her mother-in-law, articulating her feelings and needs while also actively listening to her mother-in-law's thoughts and opinions.

Through honest communication, both parties can gain a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives, reduce potential misunderstandings and conflicts, and foster a more collaborative and harmonious relationship.

Secondly, respect and consideration are key factors in improving relationships. It is important for the questioner to respect her mother-in-law's rights and personal space, as well as to understand her situation and feelings.

In your daily interactions, demonstrate consideration and care for your mother-in-law, and show respect and understanding for her needs. This will strengthen the emotional bond between you.

Thirdly, identifying shared interests and exploring avenues for collaboration can prove an effective strategy for fostering improved relationships. The questioner can engage in discussions with the mother-in-law regarding the arrangement and distribution of family affairs, and collaborate with her in formulating family rules and regulations to achieve a consensus.

By participating in household chores, children's education, and other family activities together, mutual understanding and support can be fostered, and a more unified and harmonious family atmosphere can be established.

Furthermore, cultivating patience and an accepting attitude is crucial for improving relationships. It is essential for the questioner to be patient and persist in establishing contact and communication with the mother-in-law, and to avoid abandoning their efforts due to conflicts and friction.

Additionally, it is important to cultivate an accepting attitude, accept your mother-in-law's shortcomings and flaws, and treat various problems in the family with tolerance and understanding.

In summary, when confronted with a challenging relationship with the mother-in-law, the questioner can enhance the situation and foster a more harmonious family dynamic by establishing constructive communication channels, demonstrating respect and understanding, identifying shared interests and opportunities for collaboration, cultivating patience and tolerance, and seeking external assistance and support. This necessitates a collaborative approach, mutual understanding, and support from both parties to achieve a harmonious and thriving family relationship.

Hello, question asker! I'm Rose, and I'm here to listen and support you.

I can tell from your words that you're in a lot of pain. You want to live a good life, but you're not sure what to do, and you're struggling.

The trauma caused by your original family

This was a really rough time for you. You lived with depression alone for five or six years, which was really tough. It's really sad that you kept living with the pain.

Ultimately, your determination to persevere led you to seek assistance, and you underwent a significant amount of therapy. You did an excellent job.

Later on, your parents kept on making your life more difficult by adding to the negative influences in your life and pushing you back into a depressed state. You didn't want to keep living like that, so you decided to escape.

Honey, you didn't do anything wrong. Your parents treated you unfairly.

2. You decided to get married to get away from your original family.

You were so eager to escape your family of origin that you didn't think things through or communicate fully when choosing a marriage partner. You just thought about escaping your parents, which wasn't enough.

This has also led to a number of issues in your subsequent life.

3. How does your husband and your mother-in-law act towards you after you get married?

Once you're married, your husband will start taking responsibility for you, accepting you, accompanying you to the doctor, and generally taking better care of you. This shows that he loves you very much.

Your mother-in-law is taking care of your life and helping you raise the kids, and she's doing a great job.

Your parents' attitude towards your in-laws has made them feel a bit uncomfortable, so they're reluctant to have any contact with them.

As you know, your husband and mother-in-law have done a lot for you. Compared to your own parents, they've given you more care and love.

4. Do you think your mother-in-law gets upset when she sees other people not doing any work?

Yes, we should try to understand her. Everyone needs help sometimes.

Typically, she handles everything at home and with the kids on her own. She'd really benefit from having someone to share the load.

She just can't find the right words to express herself, so she vents her emotions instead.

She isn't trying to say anything bad about you. She just doesn't know how to express her feelings and needs.

On top of that, your mother-in-law doesn't say much in front of you. Maybe she doesn't know what to say and is worried that she'll upset you if she does say something. Can we see this as your mother-in-law's concern for us?

Furthermore, you want to get along with your mother-in-law, which is a great thing to want. You actually know that your mother-in-law is a good person from the bottom of your heart. It takes time for two people to get along, so can you take the initiative to talk more with your mother-in-law? At first, your mother-in-law may not be used to it, but with more frequent interactions, your enthusiasm will be felt.

5. Try to understand and accept your mother-in-law's nagging.

My mother-in-law actually does a lot on her own. As we said earlier, she also needs to be loved and cared for. Can we try to understand more about my mother-in-law's emotions and hardships, say more words of concern, and find ways to express our gratitude and love for her on a regular basis?

It's not easy to get along with someone and live under the same roof every day. We need to interact, understand each other, and be able to understand and tolerate each other. Relationships take time to cultivate.

6. Do you think it's your mother-in-law who's making your life difficult?

There's no actual conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It's just a relationship that hasn't been handled well. The key to handling it well is how the man in the middle handles it. Can he see and understand his mother's hard work and also care for her appropriately?

On your side, does she give you emotional support? You just need someone who can see that you're uncomfortable living in such a family, who can understand you, and who can also find ways to make this experience more bearable. But your husband doesn't see this; he just says you're overreacting.

But that doesn't mean your husband is at fault. Everyone has their limitations, and it's possible that he's not aware of the problems in the relationship.

7. It's important to learn to care about your own feelings.

It's also important to learn to regulate your mood and pay attention to your feelings. At the same time, you can also find ways to release your negative emotions, such as doing something you enjoy.

If you don't have any friends, you can get help from a professional counselor. They'll give you the right kind of company, you can confide in them, and you can also see where your real problems lie and find strategies to solve them. All of this will greatly improve your life.

I just wanted to say that I love you all and wish you well.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun here. Life is such a beautiful journey, and it's not just about appreciation, but about blossoming too!

I can tell that you've been having a tough time getting along with your mother-in-law. It's clear you want to connect with her, but it seems like there's a communication barrier. You feel like she's emotionally distant, which is totally understandable. You're so grateful and respectful to your mother-in-law, but expressing your feelings can be tricky. Let's dig a little deeper and see what's really going on:

? 1. Is there any other possibility?

It was a journey, but your husband and in-laws came to accept that you've been through a lot with your depression. After all, you're a family, with a loving couple, healthy children, and the most supportive in-laws.

On top of all that, she's also taken really good care of you emotionally and in your daily life. She's been super helpful with the household chores, including helping you with the kids, which shows how much she cares about and loves you.

But from your perspective, it looks like this: it's normal for the mother-in-law to talk, gossip, and chat with the rest of the family, but when it comes to spending time with you alone, she rarely communicates, shows no emotion, and hardly says a word. It makes you feel unwanted, unwelcomed, and unappreciated, which is totally understandable!

There's never just one version of the truth, is there? What seems like six to you might seem like nine to me. Let's look at this from multiple perspectives: Could it be that your mother-in-law doesn't know how to get along with you?

After all, she knows you have depression, and is just trying to be careful about what she says in case she accidentally hurts your feelings.

Or maybe she really treats you like a daughter-in-law, not like a daughter or a son born of her own body. That's okay! She can say whatever she likes, criticize you, or even scold you. For you, she didn't give birth to you and raise you, so you still need to maintain a sense of "boundary."

If she really dislikes you and the fact that you don't do any work, you will be able to pick up on "clues" in your daily behavior. When someone is in a bad mood, they will do things with emotion, such as making a lot of noise and throwing things around. However, the mother-in-law still takes care of the family and children every day without complaint.

? 2. It's so important to keep the lines of communication open with your family.

You also mentioned that you get some emotional nourishment from your husband. It's so wonderful that he has a better understanding of you and is willing to make changes for you! He is also no longer losing his temper with you and taking you to the hospital for treatment. If this isn't love, I don't know what is!

Because he loves you, and his parents love him, his whole family loves you. You'll get better and better, just like you are, as long as you are willing to open yourself up.

You can start with small things, like helping your mother-in-law with chores around the house, sharing stories about your kids, and telling her how grateful you are for her love and support. In these moments, let her know how important it is for her to get along with you to keep you safe.

Please share these thoughts with your husband more often, as he can become a link between you and your mother-in-law. Because he understands and protects you, he will naturally help you.

I really hope this helps! Sending you lots of love ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, you can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Depression is a challenging condition, and when combined with relationship issues with your mother-in-law, it can be particularly distressing and debilitating. I hope the following suggestions will be helpful:

1. Seek professional assistance: It is essential to ensure that your depression is being treated effectively. Stay in touch with a qualified psychologist or therapist who can provide the support and guidance you require.

2. Communicate with your husband: Continue to communicate your feelings honestly with your husband. Provide him with an update on the situation and discuss any concerns you may have regarding the relationship with your mother-in-law.

Discuss ways to improve the situation together and seek his support.

3. Understand your mother-in-law's perspective. Attempt to comprehend her feelings and needs from her viewpoint. She may also be experiencing stress and fatigue, and could benefit from support and understanding.

4. Identify a support system: Apart from your husband, it is advisable to seek the assistance of other individuals, such as friends, relatives, or professional support organizations. These parties can provide valuable emotional support and advice.

5. Develop your own interests. Identify activities that align with your personal goals and interests, such as reading, sports, painting, etc. These activities can serve as effective stress management tools, providing a much-needed distraction from challenging situations.

6. Set boundaries: If being in the presence of your mother-in-law causes you to feel oppressed, you may wish to consider establishing appropriate personal boundaries to safeguard your own space and time.

7. Learn to relax. Implement relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga to relieve tension and anxiety.

8. Allow for a reasonable timeframe: Relationship improvement is a process, so it is important not to expect immediate and obvious changes. Persistence and patience are key, and with time, the situation will likely improve.

It is of the utmost importance to prioritize your physical and mental well-being. It is crucial to remember that you are not alone and that there are numerous individuals who are available to provide assistance during this challenging period.

In the event that you experience feelings of depression or have suicidal thoughts, it is imperative that you seek professional assistance immediately. This may include contacting a psychological crisis hotline or seeking emergency medical treatment. There are several strategies that can be employed to alleviate the stress associated with navigating relationships with your mother-in-law.

1. Establish effective communication: Adopt an open and respectful communication style, share your thoughts and feelings with your mother-in-law, and also listen to her opinions. Effective communication enables mutual understanding, reduces misunderstandings and conflicts, and facilitates a more productive relationship.

2. Identify shared interests and activities with your mother-in-law. Engaging in these activities together can strengthen your relationship and enhance the enjoyment of your interactions.

3. Set boundaries: Define your personal space and time, and respect the boundaries of others. This can help avoid unnecessary conflicts and stress.

4. Respect each other's habits and views: Attempt to comprehend and accommodate your mother-in-law's habits and views, refraining from attempting to alter them. Concurrently, ensure she is aware of your habits and requirements.

5. Maintain independence and self: It is important to maintain your independence and individuality, and to avoid becoming completely dependent on your mother-in-law or losing sight of your own identity. Having your own interests and social life can help to reduce your dependence on your mother-in-law and the pressure you are under.

6. Seek external support. Share your feelings with friends, family, or other trusted individuals. They can provide support and advice to help you cope with stress.

7. Learn to relax and reduce stress: Identify an effective relaxation technique, such as exercise, meditation, reading, etc., to help relieve stress and tension.

8. Adopt a positive outlook: It is advisable to adopt a positive outlook with regard to your relationship with your mother-in-law. Focus on the positive aspects of the relationship and the good things that you have to offer. This will help to improve the relationship and reduce stress.

9. Seek professional assistance: If stress is too great to relieve on your own, consider seeking professional counseling or family therapy.

Every family and relationship is unique, and the most appropriate approach must be selected based on the specific situation. It is also important to remember that respect and understanding are the foundation of a good relationship.

It is understandable to experience feelings of depression and discomfort in the situation you have described. Living with one's mother-in-law can present significant challenges, particularly when communication is limited and emotional distance exists. To improve your relationship with your mother-in-law, reduce stress, and maintain your marriage, consider the following suggestions:

1. It is imperative to continue seeking professional mental health services, given the severity of the depressive symptoms. A counselor or psychiatrist can provide the necessary professional treatment and support.

2. Communication and Understanding: It is recommended that one attempts to communicate openly and honestly with one's mother-in-law. Expressing one's feelings and needs is encouraged, as is an effort to understand her position and feelings.

Communication can facilitate the development of a more nuanced understanding and respect between individuals.

3. **Set boundaries**: It is advisable to establish reasonable boundaries with one's partner and to define the responsibilities and expectations of family members. This can help to reduce the occurrence of misunderstandings and conflicts.

4. **Share household chores**: It is recommended that the newlywed participate in household chores and childcare as much as possible. This will not only reduce the burden on the mother-in-law, but it will also facilitate the development of a more positive relationship with her.

5. Develop common interests: It is recommended that couples attempt to identify shared interests or activities with their mothers-in-law. This can serve as an effective method for strengthening the relationship and reducing tension.

6. Gratitude and appreciation: Expressing gratitude and appreciation for one's mother-in-law's assistance and contributions can facilitate the enhancement of the relationship dynamic.

7. Support Network: It is advisable to seek the support of friends, relatives, or the community in order to cope with the challenges inherent to family relationships.

8. Personal time: It is essential to ensure that sufficient time is allocated for relaxation and self-care. This is vital for maintaining mental health and effectively managing the stressors associated with family dynamics.

9. **Work with your partner**: Collaborate with your partner to cultivate a supportive and understanding partnership. He can play a pivotal role in enhancing your relationship with your mother-in-law.

10. Long-term Planning: In collaboration with one's partner, develop long-term plans encompassing financial independence and living arrangements. This can assist in establishing objectives and facilitating incremental enhancements to one's present circumstances.

It should be noted that the process of improving family relationships is a time-consuming and laborious one. However, by implementing the aforementioned suggestions in a gradual manner, it is possible to enhance one's relationship with one's mother-in-law, mitigate stress levels, and maintain a stable marriage.

It is similarly important to maintain an awareness of one's own mental health and to seek professional assistance when necessary, as this will contribute to overall well-being.

First of all, we want you to know that we fully understand your situation and feelings. We're here to help you with depression, which is a serious mental illness that requires prompt treatment and attention.

You're facing some challenges in your family relationships, but you can overcome them! Here are some suggestions to help you cope with the current situation:

Keep up the great work! You're on the road to recovery. Depression can be treated, and the path to wellness is a continuous process. Stay on track with your doctor's advice, take your medication on time, and get regular check-ups. You've got this!

And there's more! You can also participate in some psychological therapy and counseling to help you better understand and cope with your emotional problems.

Communication and understanding: It's so important to keep the lines of communication open and honest with your husband. Let him know how you feel and what you need, and try to understand his position and difficulties too.

You can even discuss together how to improve the family atmosphere and reduce the negative influence of your mother-in-law!

It's time to build your own support system! You've got this! Apart from your family, you can also look for other support systems such as friends, relatives, or support groups. Share your feelings and experiences with them and seek their advice and support. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel when you have a solid support system in place!

Their understanding and care can really help relieve some of the stress!

Take care of yourself! While dealing with family issues, don't forget to take care of your physical and mental health. You've got this! You can do it! You can improve your emotional state and quality of life. Just maintain a regular routine, eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and engage in activities you enjoy. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel!

Seek professional help! If you feel you cannot cope with the current situation, consider seeking help from a professional counselor or family therapist. They can provide more specific advice and guidance to help you deal with complex family relationships and psychological issues.

And remember, you are not alone! There are so many people ready and willing to help and support you.

Don't give up hope! Believe in yourself, and you can overcome your difficulties and live a better life.

Dear friend, After reading your detailed description, I can sense your feelings of depression and pain, as well as your sense of helplessness. I can also perceive your kindness. It seems that you are seeking to navigate your relationship with your mother-in-law and your marriage. I believe you are trying your best, but you may not have yet found the most effective approach to address these challenges. Given that you have asked a question, I sense that you are open to personal growth. Here are some of my thoughts:

1. It seems that your mother-in-law has had a significant impact on you, which has unfortunately led to some tension in your relationship with her. You want to address this, but you're unsure of the best way to do so. In this situation, it's important to remember that your mother-in-law's actions and words are a reflection of her inner self, and that there's little we can do to control them. Instead, it's crucial to focus on your own well-being and interactions with those around you. You may be influenced by others or influence others. The influence in this case can be positive or negative. I believe you have the potential to influence others, grow, and become an influential person yourself. The first step is to change your perception of others.

2. How might I adjust my perspective of others? It could be helpful to recognize that your mother-in-law has her own experiences, her own way of life, her own facial expressions and habits, and her own way of dealing with things. We weren't directly involved in this situation, so we may not fully understand the reasons behind her actions. It's not necessary to delve into how she was formed. Her behavior may not necessarily apply to you.

3. This is a more challenging aspect of the process, as it involves distinguishing between issues. It is important to recognize that each individual possesses their own unique identity and perspectives. We must respect the emotional and moral boundaries of others, regardless of how they may appear or act. Everyone has aspects of their character that require growth, and we all have aspects of our character that require growth. If you are not open to personal growth, it may indicate that the other person is not yet experiencing sufficient distress. When distress reaches a certain level, it often leads to change. Nobody wants to live with constant pain, right?

4. One possible way to overcome depression is to consider taking medication and seeking psychological counseling or therapy. Taking pills can be a helpful starting point, while psychological therapy may help to address the underlying causes. You can learn more about psychology. I once experienced anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and bipolar disorder. These five conditions can have a significant impact on one's life. I found that combining medication with learning about psychology and Chinese traditional culture helped me to gradually improve. It's important to have confidence in your ability to recover. I was able to overcome all five conditions, so it's possible to recover from one or two. Having a positive outlook and embracing happiness can also be beneficial.

5. As for your concerns about your mother-in-law and your hesitancy to divorce your husband, it's important to approach this issue with careful consideration. The same applies to the relationship between the three of you. Your feelings and relationship with your husband should not be significantly influenced by your mother-in-law, and your relationship with your mother-in-law should not be affected by your husband. Regarding the direct relationship between your husband and your mother-in-law, it's not something you can directly change. Therefore, when considering this three-way relationship, it's essential to understand that you were not with your husband because of your mother-in-law, but because of your own choice. It may not be beneficial to separate because of your mother-in-law. I gently suggest that you focus on managing your depression in a healthy way. If you are always in a depressed state, it will be challenging to navigate the relationship. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and improve your mental health, as this will positively impact your overall situation. I believe you can do this, my friend!

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all the best for the future. I am confident that you will be able to overcome your current difficulties and go on to enjoy a happy and rewarding life. I am sure that you will also be able to conquer your depression and become a winner in life and in your career.

Hello. I can see that you have been affected by your family of origin, and that your relationship with your husband and your mother-in-law is not as harmonious as you would like it to be. You are considering whether to choose to divorce your husband, which is understandable given the circumstances.

It seems that, at your core, you still desire the good things in life: family harmony, a loving relationship with your husband, and harmony between you and your mother-in-law. Given the pain your original family has caused you, when you married into your husband's family, you may have hoped to find healing. Unfortunately, reality has not always aligned with your expectations.

Perhaps if you consider things from a different angle, things might become a little easier. After all, your mother-in-law is not your mother, and you cannot force many things. But your husband and mother-in-law also have their good points. It is already very good that your husband can accept you and make changes. You can communicate more with him and face these problems together. You can try going on a trip to relax, or cultivate some common hobbies and do something meaningful together.

It seems that your mother-in-law has not directly criticized you, and that taking care of the children is something she does out of kindness, rather than a duty. It's clear that she helps you take care of the children, and that she cannot do all the housework alone. Perhaps it would be best not to let her do it all.

It might be helpful to consider that changing the current situation is not as difficult as it seems. Adjusting your mentality and maintaining an optimistic and positive attitude could be beneficial. It may also be helpful to communicate more with your husband, mother-in-law, and family members to enhance mutual understanding and learn to put yourself in others' shoes.

I truly hope that you can find a way to escape from your pain and be happy every day.

Good day, My name is Jiang 61.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for placing your trust in us and for being willing to share your concerns in order to obtain solutions. You have inquired as to the appropriate course of action in the event that you are unable to reconcile with your mother-in-law and are reluctant to pursue a divorce as a result.

"After reviewing your comprehensive introduction and gaining insight into your circumstances, I am interested in discussing this matter further with you.

1. Introduction

1. Depression

You stated that you would first like to discuss your own issues. You have been diagnosed with severe depressive symptoms. You sought medical attention and discovered that your condition was caused by your original family. As previously mentioned, you developed depression shortly after becoming an adult. You were unaware that it could be treated and had no other means of discovering this, so you delayed treatment for approximately five or six years. You reached a point where you felt suicidal and lived in a depressed state for those five or six years. During this time, your parents continued to add negative emotions and thoughts to you. You then decided to escape the situation as soon as possible. You met someone who seemed promising and chose to marry them to escape your family.

Depression

The living conditions in the original family resulted in the development of a severe depressive state. There was a lack of understanding of what a depressive state was among the questioner and his family. Following the display of suicidal tendencies, they came to understand that the cause was depression and sought treatment.

The individual in question sought to escape the situation.

The depression the questioner is suffering from, along with the constant emotional pressure from his parents, have caused this. The questioner is seeking an escape from the living environment of his original family and has chosen to marry through an arranged marriage.

2. Relationship

The relationship between the husband and wife

You stated that initially, your in-laws were unaware of your condition. Previously, at home, your parents rarely communicated with you and kept you confined to the house. They also prohibited your younger brother from contacting you.

My friends have also distanced themselves from me. After our marriage, my in-laws only became aware of my illness after the fact. Initially, my husband struggled to accept this, but he eventually adapted. When I opened up to him about my inner thoughts, he ceased his anger when I was unable to think clearly and took me to the hospital for a check-up.

"

Prior to marriage, my husband was unaware of your severe procrastination disorder. When you were unhappy, he would occasionally become impatient. Following marriage, however, he has become more understanding as you have changed.

When you are unhappy and unable to think clearly, he will listen patiently and arrange for you to be taken to the hospital for a check-up. It is evident that you are highly satisfied with your husband.

Father-daughter relationship

You stated that your parents accepted the bride price but did not provide an exit strategy. Additionally, your in-laws are experiencing financial strain due to the house purchase. Your father tends to exert control and deliver moral lectures in front of your in-laws, attempting to gain their respect. This has led to a negative perception of your parents by your in-laws, who avoid contact with them. It is worth noting that your parents do not contact or visit you throughout the year.

Previously, my parents demonstrated a preference for their son over their daughter. This was evidenced by their frequent disregard for your presence, limited communication with you, and refusal to allow your younger brother to neglect you, which resulted in a pervasive sense of isolation.

After the marriage, your parents withheld your dowry, leaving you without financial support. Your in-laws are experiencing financial difficulties in purchasing a house, and you are unable to provide assistance, which has resulted in feelings of humiliation.

Your father is concerned about maintaining a positive public image, which has led to a tendency to blame your in-laws for the current situation. Your in-laws are unhappy, the two families do not socialize, and your parents refuse to visit you, citing a lack of communication. You feel like you have no one to care for you, which has led to feelings of loneliness.

The relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a complex one.

You stated that after the birth of your child, you were unable to care for it adequately. Your mother-in-law provided assistance, but you lacked the requisite cooking skills, so she assumed that responsibility. Your father-in-law was frequently absent due to work commitments, and among the few individuals residing in the same household, your husband was perceived to be unhelpful in caring for the child after work and generally uninvolved. While she did not explicitly criticize you, her demeanor and communication patterns indicated a lack of positive regard. In front of her daughter or son, she was notably loquacious, but in your presence, she was reserved. You perceived her as a typical individual. However, when your father-in-law was present, she also discussed him, exhibited a lack of assistance, and demonstrated an inability to care for the child. You observed that her mood would deteriorate when she encountered individuals who were not employed.

If we are at work, she is responsible for preparing additional meals to bring to the office. She is also responsible for the children. Then there is the housework at home, and she complains about various aspects of it, stating that the housework is her responsibility without ever mentioning me. However, when I am with her, she does not make eye contact and I feel oppressed. I want to get along with her, but she is still like this. Whenever she talks about my husband or her husband, she complains that she does all the housework alone, that she is the one who takes care of the children alone, and that if she doesn't cook, there will be nothing to eat.

"I have purchased her clothing, mobile phones, and other items for her to enjoy during holiday periods. However, she has indicated that she does not wish to receive anything when we dine out or socialize."

Dear Grandma, I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to provide you with an update on the situation with your daughter-in-law. It seems that your daughter-in-law is experiencing some difficulties in the role of mother and wife. She is struggling to cope with the demands of childcare and household responsibilities. I understand that your daughter-in-law is a capable person who likes to take on responsibility. However, it seems that she is overwhelmed by the current situation. I suggest that we discuss this matter further at the earliest convenience. Best regards, [Your name]

From your introduction, I understand that your mother-in-law is a highly capable individual with a penchant for expressing her dissatisfaction. It appears that you are unable to fulfill the responsibilities of childcare and cooking, which have fallen upon your mother-in-law.

Furthermore, she is responsible for all household chores. Consequently, as long as your husband and father-in-law are present, she tends to voice her concerns about being the sole individual tasked with all responsibilities.

There is a lack of assistance.

The relationship between the daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law

You believe that your mother-in-law neglects you. When you are alone with her, she stares at you expressionlessly, and when you talk to her, she ignores you. In contrast, your father-in-law and husband are very talkative and appear to enjoy each other's company.

As a result, you are experiencing significant distress due to your living situation and are motivated to enhance your relationship with her.

3. Confused

You stated, "I am experiencing a significant decline in my mental health. This has been an ongoing issue for an extended period, and it is becoming increasingly severe. When I informed my husband, he asserted that my concerns were unfounded. I am not in a good state of mind due to the excessive amount of time I spend ruminating on issues that are not conducive to my well-being. I am seeking a resolution that will allow me to move on from this situation. My relationship with my husband remains stable, and I intend to separate from him in a few years. I am not willing to resort to divorce due to my mother-in-law's actions. I am uncertain about the best course of action."

You feel embarrassed.

You feel constrained when you interact with your mother-in-law, and in the long run, it seems that you have returned to the isolated state of living in your original family. You feel uneasy and embarrassed.

There was a lack of understanding on the part of the husband.

You informed your husband of your feelings, but he did not comprehend your situation and even accused you of being paranoid. You are not willing to continue living in this environment.

I empathize with your situation. Please accept my support and encouragement.

I am unclear on the situation.

You have indicated that you have the option to relocate in a few years, that you value your marriage, and that you do not want your relationship with your mother-in-law to negatively impact your marriage and potentially result in a divorce. You are seeking guidance on the best course of action.

2. The cause of confusion

1. Mother-in-law's Attitude

Depression

Depression, also known as depressive disorder, is a prevalent mental health condition with a high rate of clinical recovery, yet a low rate of treatment acceptance and high recurrence rate. Its primary symptom is a pervasive and persistent depressed mood. Some patients may engage in self-harm or suicidal behavior, and may also present with psychotic symptoms such as delusions and hallucinations.

There seems to be a misunderstanding.

In your description, you mentioned that your mother-in-law sees that you have no expression, that you laugh and chat with her family, and that you complain without restraint. Based on this information, I believe that your mother-in-law is apprehensive when speaking to you, afraid that she might say something inappropriate or hurtful.

It is reasonable to conclude that she lacks common sense and knowledge about your depression, so she will be careful around you. However, with her family present, she will feel free to release her grievances, as they know each other so well that no matter what she says, her family won't hold it against her.

This may have resulted in a misunderstanding on your part.

2. Personality influences

The questioner is inclined to suppress their emotions when they are emotional, enabling them to compromise and make concessions. This is associated with the questioner's upbringing and also with their personality. I suspect that the questioner is a pleasing type of melancholic personality.

Individuals with a pleasing personality

A pleasing personality is one that prioritizes the satisfaction of others over one's own needs. This can be an unhealthy state of mind, as it may lead to a lack of self-care and an overemphasis on the feelings of others. It's important to maintain a healthy balance between being a team player and taking care of one's own needs.

As a result, you are inclined to give greater heed to the opinions of your mother-in-law and to prioritize her concerns. You may also exhibit a tendency to be submissive and to refrain from openly expressing your true feelings.

Individuals with a melancholic personality

Individuals with a melancholic personality tend to exhibit the following characteristics:

Individuals with this personality type are thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and driven to pursue truth, goodness, and beauty.

Strengths: perceptive, loyal, reliable, talented, insightful

The disadvantages of this personality type are as follows: obsessive, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive.

The questioner is perceptive and introspective, which can lead to a tendency to overthink situations. This can make it challenging for them to find solutions independently when challenges arise, which can also impact their relationships with family members.

3. Recommendations

1. Establishing Intimate Relationships

The term "intimacy" is used to describe a close, personal relationship between two or more individuals.

Intimacy is a type of interpersonal relationship that refers to the emotional or physical closeness experienced by a subject. In the modern individualistic society, emotional honesty and communication are emphasized, and mutual understanding is the core of modern intimacy. This reflects the contradictory human needs for freedom and security.

In essence, the term "intimate relationships" encompasses a broad range of relationships, including family, marriage, love, and sex.

The objective is to establish close relationships.

The foundation of building intimate relationships is based on the honest expression and communication of emotions, as well as a deep understanding of each other. It encompasses aspects such as trust, understanding, reliance, and support between people, and involves the ability to share and accept each other's various emotional, psychological, and physical needs.

It is evident that intimate relationships exist between romantic partners and family members, as well as between various types of relationships, such as the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the large family of the questioner, the husband and wife and parents and children, and friends. The questioner is already living in a large family, and establishing harmonious family intimacy can help us improve feelings of loneliness, enhance mutual understanding and emotional connections, and gain a sense of well-being.

2. Be open and honest in your communication.

?? Be candid.

Being honest means not misrepresenting the truth and being candid with others, oneself, and society. Honesty reflects a person's character and reveals their thoughts, meaning that they express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions sincerely in professional interactions.

Express your thoughts and opinions in an honest and sincere manner.

Building a close relationship requires mutual trust, and trust is built on mutual understanding and honesty. Therefore, we can change the way we interact with our mothers-in-law in the past by expressing our thoughts honestly, so that the other party can clearly understand your true thoughts and trust you.

This approach will not only prevent the deterioration of the relationship but will also foster its growth and strengthening.

3⃣️, identify expectations

It is important to recognize and address underlying expectations.

The questioner heard the mother-in-law express her frustration at the lack of assistance from her father-in-law and husband with housework. However, it became evident that her underlying expectation was for everyone to contribute to this task. There are two key benefits to this approach. Firstly, it will reduce the mother-in-law's workload. Secondly, it will enhance her overall satisfaction by involving her family in a shared responsibility.

It is important to participate in household chores.

As a new member of the family, it is important to integrate yourself into the existing structure. This can be achieved by encouraging your husband to participate in household chores, taking the initiative to assist with these tasks, and communicating with your husband to ensure a mutual understanding of your mother-in-law's needs.

4⃣️, Mr. Coordination

Dear Mr. Coordinator, I am contacting you today regarding the matter of our relationship with our mothers-in-law. I would like to request your assistance in improving this relationship. I believe that we can achieve this by taking the initiative to communicate

In addition to our own contributions, we can also request the assistance of our husbands in facilitating a more constructive relationship with our mothers-in-law. One potential approach is for husbands to communicate with their mothers-in-law on our behalf, thereby reducing the likelihood of any misunderstandings or negative interactions.

It is important to establish a harmonious relationship with your mother-in-law.

It is recommended that you take the initiative.

It is also possible to take the initiative to communicate with our mother-in-law. We can open up to her, tell her about our difficulties and happy things, and draw closer to her. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the same as any other interpersonal relationship: if we treat her with respect, she will return the same.

This will facilitate the growth of a closer relationship.

The damage caused by our original family will have a significant impact on us, but it is not absolute. If we are prepared to take the initiative to move on, let go of the past, and are willing to establish an intimate relationship with my husband's family, we still have the opportunity to achieve a happy life.

It is essential to take the initiative and take the first step in order to achieve success.

I would like to extend my best wishes to the original poster for a happy life.

Hello, my name is Gu Daoxi Feng Shou Lu, and I'm a Heart Detective coach.

The author's experience is really quite heartbreaking. I'd love to give her a big hug! I'm also really happy for the author that the wounds of her original family can also be healed little by little because she has met the right person.

It's totally normal for mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law to have a hard time getting along. They often have very different backgrounds, ideas, ways of seeing things, and ideas about boundaries. It's not surprising that the questioner feels a bit distant from her mother-in-law.

There's a popular saying on the internet that men are all big pigs' feet! They may not be as delicate as women when dealing with things. "Men are from Venus, women are from Mars" also tells us about the differences in the thinking of men and women. It's totally understandable that the husband doesn't understand the difficulties of the questioner. The questioner may not have to feel pressured.

I have to admit that doing the laundry, cooking, and taking care of the children is indeed a tiring task. The questioner is the daughter-in-law, and they all know that she has a medical history. They will not blame her. Her father-in-law and husband are the people she is closest to, so it is only natural that she feels tired and wants to complain and be understood.

All efforts want to be seen and recognized. The questioner can try to feel it. Do you usually express your gratitude to your mother-in-law for her efforts? It's so important to try to understand what your mother-in-law means. Does she want someone to help her or does she want to be praised?

It would be so lovely if you could try to express your gratitude in a way that she likes. I'm sure it would make her happier than if you bought her a gift from your perspective.

Have you given the same gift to your husband and yourself? I'm just wondering if your mother-in-law has a different attitude.

Or maybe she just doesn't want everyone to spend money indiscriminately? It's so important to try to understand the motives behind her actions, as this will help the questioner understand and accept her better.

Even though the mother-in-law seems a bit indifferent towards the questioner, does she treat her differently? For instance, she scolds the child for making the mother do the work, but doesn't say anything about the father. She hides the delicious food and gives it to the son to eat, but not to the daughter-in-law. If there's no other difference in treatment, the questioner may feel a bit more relaxed.

Is the questioner's mother-in-law usually good at communicating? I'd love to know how she gets along with people other than her husband and son!

If she's not good at it either, it might just be her personality, so there's no need to worry. My mother-in-law and I don't chat much either, but she's also quiet and reserved outside. Apart from complaining about her son's husband and nagging about the children, her basic life is very simple.

The questioner might try lowering their expectations. As the saying goes, "A smile is never reached for in vain." When we are sincere, even if we don't get a gentle response, it won't create any barriers. Think about it: the elderly are not expecting a return for taking care of the children and doing the housework. In fact, they are also supporting the questioner's work with their actions, even if they are not good at expressing themselves.

It's so important to understand the practical factors that you want to move out, such as childcare and financial expenses. Once you've done that, you can start to think about the trade-offs and risks involved. If you're still willing to move out, it's a great idea to try to communicate with your husband and reach an agreement before taking action.

It's totally possible that most mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law will never become mother and daughter. We can try to be filial without being subservient, lower our expectations, treat each other with courtesy, and be able to live with a clear conscience. We can even try to be a little more insensitive! The mother-in-law and the question asker may have a slightly distant relationship due to some factors, but judging from the mother-in-law's efforts, she at least cares a lot about the question asker's family.

I'd highly recommend reading "Between People" and "Blunt Force" if you get a chance!

Wishing you all the best!