I will answer your question in three parts. This is a long answer, but I hope someone will read it.
Let me give you some information before I start.
1. Violence is the main source of violence.
2. All human behavior must benefit the individual.
3. Violence is any harm to a person's mind or body.
When people are subjected to unbearable violence, they will close themselves off.
5. Violence destroys psychological mechanisms.
6. Psychological mechanisms can understand and process.
7. Closed protection doesn't last forever.
8. The human brain is passive.
9. If it's mental, see a doctor.
Part 1: The impact of domestic violence
A complete person can heal from normal harm.
People can heal from violence because
1. Understand the cause of violence and why it happens.
2. Have the strength to conquer it.
The biggest impact on children when they are subjected to violence is that they don't understand why their parents are violent. Violence is expressed in physical or verbal attacks.
Children can't always handle verbal abuse. They often blame themselves and try to change to please their parents. When they can't, they try to escape. This is expressed as forgetfulness, numbness, silence, and a desire to escape.
Part 2: School violence
What is bullying in schools?
Bullying at school is children trying to copy the hierarchies they see around them. They want to be at the top and put others down.
All human groups have a social hierarchy. This is another way our species is structured. Our instincts are adapted to a hierarchical group environment.
These include: outdoing others; preventing a decline in status; preventing others from coveting your position; and being in a subordinate position.
When there are more than two people together, they form an invisible hierarchy. This applies to relatives and friends alike. In a crowd, some people always appear to be more dominant, while others become more vulnerable.
The stronger person is more dominant. This is an instinct.
Even though many cultures now value equality, people's basic nature won't change.
Most of this hierarchy is based on genes. There are other instincts too, like breastfeeding and fear of snakes.
) This instinct can't be changed unless we think about it.
People will always fight.
Research shows that when groups of people don't know each other, half of them establish hierarchies within minutes. The other half do so within five minutes. There must be a psychological process that determines these hierarchies quickly.
As long as there are two or more people in a group, there will always be a game of dominance and submission. This is simply a way of trying to secure a higher status within the group.
How does human instinct judge this hierarchical order? It provokes you to see your attitude.
Bullies target the weak and fear the strong. If you don't respond, they'll keep bullying you until you submit.
If you stay silent and try to please him, he'll think you're inferior and can treat you however he wants.
If you lose a fight, your body makes it hard for you to fight back. This makes you feel bad and want to avoid fighting. This is human nature.
Once this pattern is fixed, you and he will accept it as reasonable. After a long period of struggle, a ranking will form and become stable.
Everyone accepts this kind of ranking and makes it part of their subconscious. He will bully you even more, and you will get used to it, giving up resistance.
Many bullied people become more submissive over time.
The hierarchy is stable, but the struggle continues. The high-ranking tease the low-ranking, and the low-ranking have lost their fighting spirit.
In a community, people of lower status are afraid of and obey those of higher status.
The "pecking order" is an important concept.
A pecking order is a ranking of social animals that obtain status through fighting. It was first observed by the Norwegian zoologist Ebe when he watched chickens. In a flock of chickens, those with a high social rank have priority in feeding. If a lower-ranking individual violates this, they will be warned by pecking.
This also happens in social insects like ants and bees. Political psychology, social psychology, anthropology, and sociology use this concept to explain social status and dominance among humans.
This is also called a dominance hierarchy.
In a troop of monkeys, the dominant male is usually the strongest and has the most opportunities to eat and mate. Young male monkeys have to wait for the dominant male to grow old and lose his allies before they can challenge him and become dominant.
In a group of students, many will try to establish a pecking order. Some people gang up on others and use intimidation to force them to submit.
If you don't give in and we are evenly matched, we can force you to join our group. If you don't give in and are stronger than us, we will admit we are one rank lower.
Subordinates usually obey their superiors. The higher-level person has stronger power: the ability to achieve their will despite resistance.
(Weber definition:
Power is the ability to achieve your goals even when others resist. It includes the ability to prevent resistance. Power is a central concept in social stratification theory.
In "The Distribution of Power in the Political Community: Class, Status, and Party," M. Weber said that power is the most important thing in society. There are three types of power: class, status, and party. Class is about money. Status is about social power. Political parties are groups that work together in politics.
Weber says power is the ability to get others to do what you want. It is a social relationship.
A different distribution of power leads to a different distribution of life chances and therefore to a different ability to gain access to resources. Weber showed that social status is also important for explaining power.
He found that only a few groups in society have power based on violence and military strength. The ruling class focuses on making their power seem legitimate and uses it to control others. British scholar S. Lux says that how power is defined and used depends on the person defining it and using it.
Weber's definition of power is seen as conflict theory and teleology. Since then, sociologists have studied how power is exercised.
Legitimate power differs from power based on force. If the power relationship is established from the bottom up, the subordinate obeys the superior. If it is established from the top down, it is manipulation and ideological hegemony.
Michel Foucault talks about power from a poststructuralist point of view.
He looks at the issue from the subordinate's perspective and doesn't believe that obedience is caused by external systems or resources. He analyses power in terms of relationships and believes that power is used and implemented as a network.
Power acts on people through their ability to act.
Foucault shows that modern society is organized as a "disciplined society." This is done through discipline, training, and surveillance. Social domination is also found in everyday relationships. Power in modern society is a facet of unequal relationships. Any power relationship contains resistance.
Research areas related to power theory include bureaucracy, community power, dependency theory, organizational theory, political parties, objectified power, and state studies.
But human social order is more complex than that of other animals. This is because humans have cultures of equality and fraternity, which can prevent social order.
People have different ways of establishing order. One is called "power-oriented," and the other is called "prestige-oriented." People will obey someone talented and who thinks about the team as a leader.
This approach may not lead to bullying, but rather to helping.
What is the result of bullying in school?
Even after leaving school, they learn to be patient, stop rebelling, and accept their lot.
In his book Rural China, Fei Xiaotong said that Westerners are like bundles of firewood, while Eastern societies are like stones thrown into water.
Psychologists Gelfand and Brett say that in Western culture, people see themselves as independent and try to solve problems on their own. In Eastern culture, the self depends on others.
In a society with close social ties, people will make compromising choices to maintain harmony and relationships.
It takes courage and luck to maintain personal boundaries, refuse to "put up with it," and speak one's mind.
A UK anti-bullying survey found that 50% of young people had been bullied in 2015, with 30% bullied weekly.
51% of people say they were bullied because of their appearance.
However, only 55% of people who have been bullied seek help. Among those who report being bullied, 74% have suffered physical harm.
29% of people who are bullied hurt themselves.
School bullying often causes secondary trauma.
There are two kinds of wounds: the original and the wound of definition.
Studies show that real trauma is often secondary.
How parents react defines how bad the incident is.
Many people don't realize until adulthood that their parents' traumas affect them too.
Women focus too much on trauma. Men focus too much on strength. This leads to narcissism. Women want to create a world without harm. Men want to create an invincible world.
Many children are over-attended to by their parents. They are trapped in a cage of love and deprived of their own feelings.
"There is only one kind of heroism: loving life after seeing its true face."
Related academic research
The term "school bullying" comes from the English term "school bullying," which means causing harm to another person through humiliation, intimidation, or insulting behavior. The famous Norwegian psychologist Dan Olweus defined school bullying as "the persistent negative behavior of one or more students towards another student." This definition emphasizes that school bullying is a deliberate and persistent act of aggression that reflects an imbalance of power between students.
Scholar Yin Haixiang divides school bullying into six types: relational, verbal, physical, sexual, counter-bullying, and cyberbullying. Scholar Zhang Wenxin divides school bullying into direct and indirect. Direct includes intentional physical harm, such as inappropriate contact or hitting.
Indirect bullying is when someone else bullies someone on behalf of a bully.
School bullying is persistent. It happens over time and usually occurs repeatedly.
If bullying is not dealt with promptly, it will persist. There is an inequality of power between the two sides. School bullying is an unequal act. The bully is superior to the bullied.
Bullies use verbal and physical attacks to put others down. They use different ways to do this, like rumors, physical harm, and online bullying.
Online rumors are an important form of bullying in schools. They spread quickly and for a long time, have a wide range of influence, and are hard to stop.
There are three roles in school bullying: bully, victim, and bystander. Bullies can be active or passive.
Passive bullies help and agree with active bullies. They avoid becoming targets by cooperating with bullies or stirring up trouble.
Bullies look for the odd man out in a group. They want to be the mainstream of society. They often target people who are introverted, unsociable, or have physical defects.
Bullying can make people feel helpless and cause them to become depressed. Bystanders are people who ignore bullying because they are afraid.
Bystanders can still be affected by bullying. It can make students feel insecure and like violence is the best way to get what they want. This can lead to more bullying.
Freud thought that human aggression is caused by a desire for self-destruction. This desire releases energy that has a cathartic effect on the body.
Adolescent students are more likely to act impulsively because their nervous systems are developing rapidly.
Freud and Lorenz studied human and animal aggression. They both concluded that humans can never get rid of the confusion of the instinct of aggression and the potential threat of aggressive behavior. Lorenz proposed a new perspective: people should be encouraged to participate in sports and business competitions to provide a safe outlet for the instinct of aggression.
Scholar Fu Xingyue believes that the lack of extracurricular activities, the taking of physical education classes by cultural classes, and the large-scale expansion of schools are reasons for bullying on campus. To avoid further aggression, more adventurous physical activities are needed.
The frustration-aggression theory was first proposed by Sigmund Freud and later developed by scholars such as Dollard, Mael, and Miller. It says that when people are frustrated, they can become aggressive. Dollard believed that the more frustrated people are, the more likely they are to become aggressive.
Mell says frustration causes emotional outbursts and aggressive behavior that is intense and meaningless. Miller disagrees, saying frustration doesn't always lead to aggression. We also need to consider the context.
Some students become aggressive when they feel negative emotions. This can lead to bullying on campus.
Adolescents have a contradictory dynamic imbalance between excitement and inhibition because their nervous system is not fully developed. This leads to one-sided thinking, a lack of willpower, emotional behavior, and impulsiveness. Scholars Jiang Jiehua and Jiang Fan randomly selected 24 cases of school bullying reported in the media for analysis. They found that the perpetrators are often people who have suffered setbacks in their studies. This frustration is transformed into antisocial hints, which are spread among individuals with similar characteristics. When an individual's frustration reaches a critical point, the death instinct is aroused. This generates a desire and motivation to infringe on others.
Young people who don't have ways to deal with stress can have emotional outbursts and crises for many reasons, like frustration with teachers, relationships, or grades.
In 1977, American psychologist Albert Bandura proposed the social learning theory. He noticed the important role of observational learning and self-regulation in triggering human behavior. Bandura's social learning theory includes four perspectives: observational learning, interactive determinism, self-regulation theory, and self-efficacy theory.
The self-efficacy theory is useful for understanding why students bully each other and for developing positive solutions.
Bandura says that bullying among young students is caused by the negative influence of the social environment. This includes teachers, students, school atmosphere, and culture. Schools are important places for education and teaching. All students are influenced by their school environment.
Aggressive behavior is linked to the social environment. This means that campus construction is important for preventing, controlling, and avoiding aggressive behavior among young students. By improving the environment, a civilized social and cultural atmosphere can be created. This helps young students shape socialist spiritual civilization.
If students are in a bad school atmosphere, they may form new crises or make existing crises worse, which can lead to more serious aggressive behavior.
Rosenthal's experiment shows that positive suggestions can help people think and act in positive ways. When teenagers are going through a rough time, it's important for their guardians to understand what they're feeling and give them a boost.
Teachers and parents should listen to their students and show empathy. Psychological interviews can help students recognize the dangers of bullying. Once students let out their worries and anger, they will calm down.
We need to feel like we belong to a group to be happy.
School bullying is when someone is mean to another person on school grounds. It happens a lot in middle school. It is harmful to the health of the people involved. In most cases, there are witnesses.
School bullying often has a negative impact on the bullied. Witnesses may adopt different coping strategies or play different roles, but bullying affects the mental health of witnesses.
Rumination is thinking about a negative situation over and over without trying to solve it. This can make people feel worse. There is evidence that rumination makes negative emotions worse. This can affect how people regulate their emotions, like depression and anxiety.
Rumination is linked to traumatic experiences in childhood. Studies show that rumination plays a role in how traumatic experiences in childhood affect emotions. This means that rumination is a key factor in depression among witnesses of childhood trauma and school bullying.
Adolescents who have suffered a lot of negative events in childhood adopt negative coping strategies, which makes them more likely to become depressed.
Childhood abuse, rumination, and depression are all related. Rumination plays a part in how childhood trauma affects depression in students who witness school bullying. Adolescents are in a critical period of emotional change. For students who witness school bullying, negative experiences can lead to depression.
How to avoid being bullied at school.
If you are bullied, protect yourself and your dignity.
You weren't to blame for being bullied.
After a bullying incident, North American parents focus on their children's well-being. They hold their children and say, "This is not your fault."
Don't blame yourself.
If you're bullied, fight back, record it, and ask the school or police to help.
Part 3: Not being masculine is not a mistake.
Some parents and conservatives use the word "manly." Later, they added "tough guy."
The stereotypical image of masculinity requires men to demonstrate external and internal factors. External factors include so-called "male hormones," such as strong muscles, agility, a fierce appearance, a capable head, and a strong voice. Internal factors include a courageous character, firm beliefs, fearless courage, a strong desire for power and wealth, a longing for authority, a thirst for strength, a fierce heart, a love of war, and a cult of blood. Additionally, men must demonstrate family elements, including "shouldering the family," "caring for one's wife," "passing on the family line," and "defending morality."
If a man pursued beauty, he would be seen as "unconventional" or "sissy."
It's wrong to say that the image of a tough guy came from feudal China. It's insulting to the ancients. There were no "tough guys" in the pre-Qin period. Men's standards were normal.
China didn't have a harsh image of masculinity during the feudal era. In fact, it had a diverse environment, especially during the Tang Dynasty. Even during the unification period, social tolerance was high. But why is it always the case with the standards we see nowadays?
This raises two issues: the difference between feudal landlords and the exploited classes and the aftermath of civil society in the Song Dynasty.
Zhu Xi's commentary on the Confucian classics and the requirements for people in the Twenty-Four Filial Exemplars all point to the need to control people's behavior. Zhu Xi's virgin complex and youthful and thin aesthetic were part of his own thinking, and women and men were both alienated. From the general inferiority of women's status to their complete vulnerability, women became "in need of manly protection." The alienation of Chinese social ethics began.
Works like "Water Margin" spread these ideas through stories. Men can no longer pursue beauty, which is for women. Men must become loyal, righteous, and strong.
In feudal society, people had few sources of knowledge. The main ideas were Confucianism, Buddhism, and the law. Other ideas from before the Qin Dynasty were ignored.
In recent decades, foreign contact has brought in more foreign culture. The rise of feudal thinking after the end of suppression has made these combinations particularly noticeable. Many of the "tough guy" images we see now are products of European and American culture, especially Anglo-Saxon.
European and American cultures also have a class divide. The lower classes in the UK and US have always had rogue habits.
Mass entertainment and high literacy rates have made these cultures more popular. Typical European and American male chauvinism in film and TV is a continuation of Viking mentality.
Muscles, strength, brutality, low emotional intelligence. These are the qualities of the European and American rogue and the alienation of people under neoliberalism. They are regarded as idol worship.
In 1982, Kessler and others first proposed the concept of "dominant masculinity." They pointed out that factors influencing masculinity can be divided into multiple levels, including gender, class, race, etc. Therefore, masculinity is pluralistic.
This introduced "multiple masculinities."
Cornell says there are four types of masculinity: dominance, subordination, complicity, and marginality. These are different expressions of masculinity, and there is a hierarchy between them. Together, they construct the dominant male model in the gender order.
In a patriarchal society, men often feel anxious and confused because they think there is only one type of dominant masculinity.
The problem is the way logos is used in society. Patriarchal society is built around dominant masculinity.
This means questioning traditional ideas of masculinity and the problems they cause.
Some people may ask, "How can men in a patriarchal society be victims?" Sociologist Cornell says that it is not a case of men having to use force or the threat of dismissal to win dominance over another group of men.
The main reason is religion, the media, wages, housing, welfare, tax policies, etc. This domination is called hegemony. Men who obey traditional patriarchal society do not find joy in male activities, but rather anxiety, uneasiness, and a sense of betrayal.
Men and women are both victims of a patriarchal society. "Gender roles" are fixed patterns of male society, regardless of individual differences or the various "expressions" of individual behavior in different spaces and times. Men or women must choose between the two according to their biological sex.
The effects of patriarchal society on human nature are clear.
The dominance of dominant masculinity leads to identity being reduced to ideology and the individual being reduced to politics. This results in the creation of models of "over-socialized" men and women. This creates a dichotomy between the gender identity of labor and the imagined gender identity. It also creates a prevalence of gender worship as an ideology. This affects women and men. We need to reflect on this. Socialization of gender and the legacy of gender worship lead to identity politics. This creates alienation. People are socially constructed and become a by-product of politics. This creates gender and gender differences.
Gender characteristics are mostly social. The differences between men and women are not fixed. The psychology of gender differences says that there are no completely pure men or women. Everyone is a mix of masculine and feminine traits.
Since the mid-1990s, a new group of "neutral men" has emerged. They have a neutralized appearance, character, and lifestyle.
This group of men is androgynous. They care about fashion and self-decoration. They are gentle and delicate. They get along with others. They take on responsibilities without complaint. They care for their family and friends. They are not weak. They have learned to care for and understand others. They have created a new masculinity. Perhaps this is the way to rebuild traditional masculinity.
From a modern perspective, social and cultural changes challenge traditional ideas about masculinity. Neutrality is no longer seen as negative. As long as one's appearance, actions, and behavior don't harm others, they're acceptable. Accepting oneself is the key to achieving inner peace.
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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
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Comments
I'm really sorry to hear about everything you've been through. It sounds incredibly challenging and painful. Have you considered talking to a counselor or therapist who can provide professional support? They could help you explore your feelings in a safe space and work through the impact of the violence you've experienced.
It's heartbreaking to hear about the difficulties you've faced. Wearing clothes that make you feel comfortable and express your identity can be very empowering. Maybe finding a supportive community online or in person where you can share experiences and feelings might help. It's important to connect with people who understand and accept you for who you are.
The struggles you describe are deeply troubling, and it's clear you're carrying a lot of pain. Seeking out trusted adults, such as teachers, counselors, or family members, to discuss what you're going through could be a step towards healing. Additionally, engaging in activities or hobbies that bring you joy and peace might offer some relief and a sense of selfworth.