I really dislike my roommate, how should I get along with them?

Hello, classmate. I'm a university student counselor, and I hear this a lot.

Your request is about relationships, but it seems like everyone in your dorm is anxious. This makes it hard for them to understand and support each other. How will you get along in this environment?

If we can't work together to make everyone comfortable, then everyone is a victim of that environment.

One student told me that at first, she was not used to the dormitory environment and often woke up at night. She asked her roommates for help, but they didn't respond well. Then, an opportunity arose. Because of the pandemic, she and her roommates were not allowed to leave the dormitory. At this time, everyone needed to work together to complete many things.

We've noticed that our roommate is not as indifferent and ignorant as we thought. We feel that everyone is working together, helping each other and reminding each other. We've also begun to understand each other and are understood by our roommate. So we're more secure now.

People haven't changed, but attitudes have. There is more help and understanding, and the dorm is warmer.

It's a good idea to find something you can do together, like studying, hanging out, playing games, or getting to know each other better. Let the relationship warm up. If your roommate can't sleep, you can show her care and concern. If you're feeling down, you can ask for help. You can also go to the school's counseling center.

Hello, I can see you're feeling confused, so I just wanted to give you a hug!

You're having a bit of trouble with your roommates. I'm here to give you a warm hug if you need it.

It seems like there's a bit of tension in your relationship with the other two roommates.

I don't think the tension is completely irreconcilable, though.

I'm not sure if you enjoy cooking on weekends when you don't have class.

If there are any, invite the other two roommates to eat your home-cooked dishes or your specialty dishes.

If you usually stop by the school snack bar after school, you can buy some snacks and share them with your roommates.

Often, when roommates see that you're open to getting close to them, they're more likely to consider your feelings when they go to sleep at night.

Of course, there's still a chance that even after you've tried all of the above, your roommates might still refuse to cooperate with you.

If this is the case, I suggest you ask the dormitory manager for help. She can help you move to another dorm room.

If you're still unsure, I'd also recommend speaking to the school psychologist. Their services are free.

If there isn't a school psychologist, you can also get help from a professional counselor.

There's a 50% discount for students on the platform's consultations. Just fill out a form and submit a school certificate from a current student to apply.

I really hope you can get this problem sorted out soon.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

I hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you. I'm here to help, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!

Hello, question asker! I'm sending you a virtual hug and some comfort from afar.

University dormitories can present certain challenges. People often come from different places and have different living habits. It's not uncommon for conflicts to arise and for feelings of discontent to grow over time. However, it's important to remember that you still have to live together. Having only three people in the dormitory is a fortunate situation. When I went to university, the dormitories usually had five or six people. Having more people can often lead to more complex relationships and a more challenging situation.

It seems that you were assigned to a dormitory with only three people, which is quite fortunate. However, it appears that your roommates are not as helpful as they could be. One of them suffers from chronic insomnia, which keeps her up all night. I imagine that it must be quite difficult for her every night. On occasion, when you see that she is also suffering from insomnia, it might bring you some psychological comfort and make you feel less lonely. However, this kind of frequent insomnia is really painful. She must be suppressing her negative emotions with great difficulty. Or maybe there is some adjustment method that could be tried. You might as well ask her about it. Perhaps the two of you could become good partners in adjusting your sleep together. You said that there is also someone in the dormitory who doesn't consider the feelings of others when moving around at night, creating a lot of noise. You have been unable to communicate with her effectively. If you use the method above to establish a friendly relationship with the insomniac, you could communicate with her together, which might be effective.

You might also consider exercising during the day or going for a run before bedtime. When people are tired and exhausted, they tend to fall asleep more easily and are less likely to be roused.

I wish you the best of luck, OP! I'm rooting for you and I'm sending you lots of love!

Good morning, My name is Shu Ya Qingzheng, and I am here to share my thoughts and offer you some words of encouragement and support.

A quiet environment is conducive to sleep, but this is often disrupted by roommates. Given the relatively cold relationship, it is understandable that you feel disgusted, rejected, and hurt. Reaching out for a hug would be beneficial.

You are able to be self-aware of your inner feelings and needs, and you are courageous enough to seek assistance from a psychologist to improve your relationship and grow as a person. You are to be commended!

01. Frequently roused from slumber by the sound of a door closing, the shock and discomfort can evoke a strong negative emotional response, as if the other person is deliberately causing trouble. This is the feeling and emotion within oneself.

The other hedgehog is unaware of the impact of her actions on the other hedgehog and is similarly unaffected by the other hedgehog's actions.

Due to the lack of warmth in the relationship, there is a tendency to suppress feelings rather than express them to the other person. This can result in a negative impact on the individual's emotional state.

This is also an interpersonal relationship issue that many of us face, and it is also a reminder to be aware and to grow. Some problems can be solved through communication.

02. There is a psychological hedgehog effect: when the weather is too cold, two hedgehogs huddle together for warmth. If they get too close, they will get pricked by each other's quills, so they move further apart.

They experience a subsequent decrease in body temperature and thus move closer together.

After several cycles of proximity adjustments, the two hedgehogs ultimately establish an optimal distance that balances warmth and safety. This is the renowned "hedgehog effect."

This case study demonstrates that even the most positive and productive relationships can encounter challenges. We often seek to cultivate harmonious and balanced relationships with individuals who are close and comfortable to be around, with whom we align. However, the reality is often not as ideal as we would hope.

03. How is the relationship with this individual?

First, it is important to recognize that roommates often come from different family backgrounds and adopt different lifestyles. It is not realistic to expect them to have identical lifestyles and ways of thinking. For instance, the roommate who slams doors may have formed this habit because the door in their previous home was heavier.

It is also important to learn to lower expectations and be more tolerant. It is unlikely that roommates will actively consider themselves.

By relinquishing expectations, you can achieve a greater sense of relaxation, reduce feelings of anger and discomfort when awoken, and facilitate a more restful state.

Finally, take the initiative to facilitate communication. Express your feelings and needs to the other person in a timely, gentle manner without any judgment. For example, you could say, "Honey, could you please close the door gently?"

I was taken aback, disconcerted, and uneasy. I appreciate your understanding.

After a few reminders, the other person may gradually modify this habit.

In regard to the confusion about interpersonal relationships, Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once proposed a concept: All human troubles stem from interpersonal relationships.

One way to improve interpersonal relationships is to enhance communication skills.

The author of "The Art of Communication" outlines three key strategies for fostering positive interpersonal relationships and effective communication: self-adjustment, reasonable expression, and relationship-building.

This book is also divided into three sections, each of which addresses a different aspect of relationships.

It is important to take the time to reflect on one's own role, perceptions, and emotions in communication.

?Focus on the other person, paying attention to verbal and non-verbal communication, as well as active listening.

In the context of relationships, the primary focus is on the relationship with the other person, rather than on their actions. Instead, greater effort is directed towards the relationship, communication, and conflict resolution.

To foster a comfortable relationship, it is essential to cultivate an attitude of understanding, sincerity, equality, and respect. Demonstrating concern and understanding for the other person and offering support in a kind and warm manner is crucial.

Additionally, it is important to learn to express your specific feelings and needs in a firm but gentle manner and to request understanding and support from the other party.

Reading can provide the opportunity to develop independent thinking skills and enhance emotional well-being. It is therefore recommended to read books on psychology related to personal growth and family relationships.

For example, books such as The Courage to Be Disliked, The Art of Communication, and Why Are My Emotions Always Controlled by Others?

I hope this information is helpful to you.

As a psychometric coach at OnePsych, I am available for further discussion. To contact me, please click "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I will then be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

1. [Reason for hatred] You say you hate your roommate. Why? Because you hate yourself.

You can't accept yourself, so you hate and annoy yourself.

If you love yourself, you must accept yourself. If you don't accept yourself, you won't accept others either.

If you don't accept others, you will hate them. This means that hating others is really just hating yourself.

So, tell me, do you like yourself? Do you accept yourself?

2. [Reason for getting along] You are asking how to get along with them, which means you cannot get along with them. Why can't you get along? Because if you do, it will be unpleasant.

So, what kind of unpleasantness is it? It's discovering the shortcomings of others. But let's be real, no one's perfect. We all have shortcomings.

The answer is a resounding yes. We all have our faults, so let's allow others to have theirs.

3. [Get along with yourself] If you don't get along with others, you must ask yourself: do you get along with yourself? If you do,

If you enjoy getting along with yourself, it's because you accept your faults. You don't pick on your own faults. You accept them.

You've already summed up your own experience: picking on your own faults is impossible. You can't get along with yourself happily if you do that.

Similarly, picking on other people's faults is pointless if you want to get along with them. So, to sum up: you can only get along with yourself if you accept your own shortcomings, and you can only get along with others if you accept other people's shortcomings.

If you say you don't get along with yourself, then you don't get along with yourself. It's that simple. So how can you get along with others? The answer is clear: it's in others or yourself.