Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!
Now, let's dive into the fascinating topic of boundaries! It's essential to understand not just other people's boundaries, but also your own. These boundaries are what make you unique and distinguish you from others. In family relationships, parents and children have their own boundaries, too. They have their own interests and hobbies, and they have their own ways of doing things.
Some parents have a wonderful, loving relationship with their children, but they sometimes forget that their kids are individuals with their own personalities and needs. When this happens, they may try to control their kids to fulfill their own wishes.
Our bodies are amazing! When our boundaries are violated, our bodies will send out signals such as a rapid heartbeat, a feeling of heat all over the body, restlessness, and sweating.
Sometimes we don't want to offend others, sometimes we don't want to damage relationships, sometimes we avoid potential risks, and sometimes we feel that we are "overthinking" and "making a big deal out of it," ignoring signals that our boundaries are being violated. We are afraid to establish and maintain our own boundaries and dare not protect ourselves. But there's a better way! We can learn to set healthy boundaries and protect ourselves.
As the original poster wrote, I want to go out and live to facilitate my postgraduate studies! I'm just a little worried that my parents won't agree.
Let's ask ourselves: What is my parents' inner need when they say that the study room is too far away and they are looking for a closer one? I'm excited to hear your thoughts!
Now, let's dive into the emotions and feelings this brings up for you!
We can also try to ask ourselves: What is my mother's inner need when she can't sleep at 2:30 in the morning and wants to talk to me? What are my thoughts?
Now, let's explore the emotions and feelings this brings up in you!
Let's also ask ourselves: What is my mother's inner need when she says that it is not easy to earn money by wasting it? What is your own opinion?
What emotions and feelings does it bring up in you?
Let's ask ourselves: do we feel uncomfortable with some of the things our parents say or do? Do we feel offended for no reason?
We can also ask ourselves, have we considered responding to our parents' behavior? If so, what would we say?
What can we do?
And we can ask ourselves what we want from this open and honest conversation with our parents. What do we want from our relationship with our parents?
We can find some time to have an honest conversation with our parents, listen to their stories about their childhood, understand our parents from a different perspective, and feel their true state of life. At the same time, we also get to express our discomfort, that our daughter has grown up and we hope that our parents will do things differently in the future.
Communication is a wonderful thing! It can relieve and release our emotions, and it can also enhance our parent-child relationship. Of course, we need to be prepared for both eventualities. If our parents readily accept it, we can proceed gradually.
If they can't accept it at once, don't be discouraged! It's been a habit for so many years, so we can create the right opportunities to communicate again. We believe that time and sincerity will make our parents see their own growth!
And finally, love yourself! The questioner was quick to notice her emotions and used a platform to ask for help, which is great. So let's start by caring for ourselves, taking care of our bodies and our feelings.
We can absolutely try to reconcile with our emotions! When we are feeling anxious or worried, we can immediately say "stop," take a deep breath, and do something else, such as listening to music, stretching, etc., to distract ourselves. Meditation and mindfulness are also excellent ways to regulate. We can also try recording what our feelings are at the moment!
You are writing to yourself, so go for it! Write about your feelings honestly. This will help us understand the origins and effects of our emotions and also help us clarify the root of the problem.
We can also seek help! Since this matter is troubling you, it is not easy to overcome it immediately. But you can do it! Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.
Absolutely! We also need to empower ourselves. Slowly, we will discover our own unique value and construct a self-evaluation system. When you have a stable core, your maturity and self-confidence will be the greatest comfort to your parents.
I highly recommend the book "Know Thyself, Accept Thyself"!
Comments
I can totally relate to the pressure you're feeling. It's tough when you're trying to focus on your studies and your parents have different ideas. Maybe it's time to sit down with them and explain how important this is for your future, and that you've been using your own money. Let's see if we can find a middle ground that works for everyone.
It sounds like there's a lot of confusion and mixed messages going on. Perhaps you could write a letter or have a calm conversation where you clearly express your goals and the reasons behind choosing a study room. Honesty might help them understand your perspective better and ease their concerns.
Your situation seems really challenging. I think it would be helpful to let your parents know about all the effort and thought you've put into this decision. You could share some success stories of others who used study rooms and achieved great results, showing them it's an investment in your education.
This must be incredibly frustrating for you. It might be beneficial to involve a neutral third party, like a family counselor or a trusted relative, to mediate a discussion. They could provide an objective viewpoint and help facilitate a more productive conversation between you and your parents.
It's clear you're caught between a rock and a hard place. Maybe it's worth proposing a trial period where you use the study room for a month, and then evaluate its effectiveness together. This way, they can see the benefits firsthand without making a longterm commitment right away.