I was a full-time mom for 9 years. Suddenly, my husband said he didn't love me anymore. We were constantly fighting and I was constantly disappointed.

Many relationships eventually turn into family relationships, which is a wonderful thing! It is only natural to ignore things, not to listen or to pay attention. It feels like that's just how things are, and there's nothing wrong with that! You don't need to maintain things yourself. Right now, you feel that your husband is just like that, and that's okay! He takes your relationship for granted, but that just means there's room for improvement. Maybe he thinks that you won't leave him anyway, but you know better!

Anyway, you will still handle many things in life, at work, and in education, and you will do everything well, so he doesn't have to worry about anything. As a full-time mother, you have done a lot and made a lot of efforts over the years, and you should be proud of yourself! Instead of receiving your husband's love, what you get in return is his lack of love, as well as his staying up late and playing games without a care in the world.

It seems that they are also relatively indifferent when it comes to their children, which is great because it means they can focus on other things in their lives.

Just ordering takeout for the kids is not enough. There has to be some kind of spiritual care, intellectual stimulation, and companionship. This kind of companionship is really very poor—but it can be so much better!

He's not the best father, but he'll get there! The other person also cheated on you before, but you've moved on and are ready for something new. From your narrative, it doesn't seem like the other person is very good, but you've got this!

We don't see anything particularly praiseworthy in each other, but there are many characteristics that we find hard to accept. Just imagine how boring and depressing life would be if we were with someone like that! Someone who cheated on us, wasn't considerate when it came to childcare, and didn't contribute to the relationship.

Maybe we stick to the life we already have because it's comfortable. Before the 1970s, the divorce rate was very low because people didn't think divorce was an option. They believed that marriage and life could be fixed, and that they could make it for three years and be happy for the rest of their lives. You know yourself best, and you know what you want. After all, as the saying goes, you are the only one who knows how the fish tastes. You two also had a lot of arguments, but you can work through them.

He also has many nights of playing games all night, and maybe there are more times when he is disappointed and powerless. You will also make your own decisions, or just become numb, and time will just pass. But you know what? We ultimately need to realize what kind of life we want for our marriage and how it should develop. And if we can make do with anything, then that will be our life!

The good news is that the key to success is simple: people always expect things to develop for the better. In fact, most people probably have this kind of thinking.

I highly recommend that you seek psychological counseling to gain a deeper understanding of your true thoughts and feelings. You may also enjoy reading "Why Love Hurts," "Attachment: Why We Cling So Tenaciously," and "Intimacy: Rediscovering Yourself." Best of luck!

ZQ!

Dear

It is evident that women are subjected to greater pressure and assume more responsibilities in this society, particularly as wives and mothers. While the concept of "断舍离" may be appealing in theory, the reality is that each decision carries significant emotional and practical implications. Moreover, these decisions often have ripple effects, impacting not only oneself but also others. This underscores the complexity and challenges associated with navigating family affairs, even for those who are honest and well-intentioned.

The challenge of housework is not a matter of logic, but of emotion. It is a question of psychological tolerance.

Following the birth of children, many women experience difficulty in making decisions and consequently opt to remain silent. This is not indicative of a lack of knowledge but rather of the recognition that their decisions now have direct implications for their children. It is evident that some issues cannot be resolved through mere reasoning. Indeed, if reasoning were a universal panacea, there would be fewer individuals who, despite their extensive training in reasoning, remain uncertain about how to navigate their lives.

Life can be likened to the act of drinking water: one should learn from others, employ sound judgment, and engage in thoughtful reflection before making significant decisions.

Fortunately, following the experience of a marital crisis, the host has already commenced employment and begun to pursue independence. This represents a promising development.

It may be posited that, following a period of introspection, it will become apparent that the institution of marriage and the raising of children represent merely stages in the life cycle and a means of self-cultivation. In order to identify the root cause of a problem that may have numerous contributing factors, it is necessary to undertake an introspective analysis in order to ascertain the source of motivation.

This does not imply self-oppression. Conversely, self-liberation is an effective method for acquiring motivation. Plants can reproduce and become the most widely distributed organisms in the world not because they are active, but because they consistently perform their required functions and then relinquish the remainder to other entities. "Doing one's best" is sufficient.

In the present moment, it is crucial to prioritize self-care, physical health, professional growth, personal presentation, and emotional well-being. When individuals embody these qualities, their children will observe and emulate their independence and autonomy. Similarly, when a couple's relationship is grounded in mutual respect and understanding, it can foster a sense of security and stability within the home.

The domestic sphere is not an appropriate setting for rational debate; rather, it is a place for the cultivation and enhancement of the self.

Hello. I read your description and it seems like you still want to get along with your husband. It's tough to put up with it, but you're trying. I feel for you about all the hard work you've put into your family and the painful struggles you've endured in this marriage.

I'd like to discuss how we can improve the current situation and move forward together.

♥ First, let's look at why you keep fighting and getting disappointed. The fighting and disappointment are actually the result of your husband's infidelity. Even though you've forgiven him, the inner wounds and his damaged image haven't been fixed.

This is particularly the case if there are lots of things about his daily routine that you don't like and the various minor disagreements in life are making you more and more disappointed with him.

♥ Secondly, as mothers, we naturally give more attention and love to our children. You also hope that your child's father will prioritize the child in everything, just like you do. When you see that he hasn't taken good care of the child during the day because he stayed up late playing games, you feel very angry and disappointed.

I get it. But from a marriage perspective, it's important to avoid these negative emotions as much as possible. When you're happy and having a good time, the atmosphere at home and the love between you flow more effectively.

How can you deal with these emotions?

First, you need to deal with the aftermath of the infidelity.

If the husband has reformed and returned to the family, then it's time to move on from the past. It's tough to forgive your lover for cheating, but since you've chosen to stay together, let's focus on the positive.

If you want to make room for the future, you have to let go of the past.

Secondly, we should be allowed to be ourselves and accept others for who they are.

When it comes to loving their children, dads and moms have very different views. Moms believe that kids are the most important thing in the family and that parents should take care of them meticulously. Dads don't think so. Most men believe that they are the king of the family and that everyone else should follow behind him. They see raising kids as just a matter of living, so they don't think there's any need to be so particular.

I once told my male colleague how my husband often gives the kids takeout. He said, "That's just how mothers are. They always think takeout is bad, but he and the kids both think it's delicious. What's important is not what you eat, but that you eat happily."

It's not really a question of right or wrong. It's more a case of different points of view.

When you're feeling angry or disappointed, it's probably best to take a step back and think things through. This isn't a matter of principle, so there's no need to get too hung up on it.

In short, if we can't change others, then we need to change how we expect others to change. Marriage is not easy, so make the most of it as you go along.

Hello, I'm Ying Wang, your friendly neighborhood psychological counselor!

Before entering into marriage, each of us looks forward to being happy and joyful. While the logical happiness may belong to the minority, it is still there for the taking! Similarly, I also suffered in my marriage for three years. Looking back, those days were really painful. I had nothing but resentment and hatred for each other. Sometimes I even complained to God why He was so unfair to me and let me marry such a person.

But after I woke up, I am now so grateful for this experience! This relationship has become a place for me to practice Buddhism. He is the perfect object for my practice. Otherwise, I would not have met him in the vast crowd of people. Through him, I have seen and healed the wounds of my childhood, regained my inner strength, met my true self, found a direction for the future, and come to understand the meaning of life.

So I want to say to you, don't give up! Eat well and sleep well after you've exhausted yourself, and then we'll pull ourselves together. Let's take a look together at why this marriage has come to this, and what we can do next.

The affair was almost a year ago, and you didn't choose to leave. This year has been full of arguments, disappointment, and now utter despair. But from the word "disappointed," you can see that you still have expectations of your husband, which means you have the power to change your situation!

Let's get one thing straight. Expectations are the biggest factor in your unhappiness this year and even before that in your unhappy marriage. You attach your happiness to his behavior, so you give him power and are not responsible for your own happiness.

Expectation is a negative energy that will only lead to disappointment. So let's ditch it!

You are free to leave this situation if you want to! No one has to stay here, but you put up with it and are a prisoner of it. Marriage is a free choice. He is not obliged to change, and you are not obliged to stay.

You chose to stay, and you can absolutely live your best life! You can't live like a prisoner, a prisoner of his behavior, and judge our happiness or unhappiness by his actions.

If you want to feel comfortable and happy in this relationship, you can do it! You just have to commit yourself to dealing with your own inner insecurity and suffering, recognize that he will never change, accept this fact, and come to terms with it. When you focus your energy on changing his behavior, you are suffering and attaching too much importance to him and his behavior. But you can change that!

When we have expectations of our partner, such as that they will be there for us, take care of the family, and be responsible, we can see that we have the power to change our expectations. The feedback you get from your expectations of them is negative, but you can choose to change it! In the end, you will feel disappointment, sadness, and suffering, but you can also feel hope, joy, and happiness.

It's time to ditch those expectations! They'll only lead to suffering. The two biggest relationship killers are expectations and "to be"!

If so, why do you still have to suffer? Let go of your expectations of him, let go of yourself, and admit that he is an irresponsible husband with no sense of responsibility, and that he is a child who has not grown up and only focuses on playing games, not taking care of the children. This is the truth, and we cannot change the truth or other people. What we can do is learn to accept him as he is, and then we can move on to bigger and better things!

We can't change him, but we can change the way we view him and our own state of mind to make ourselves feel better!

It's easy to say, but it's really difficult to do. But that's where we get to practice! We mustn't get stuck in our own beliefs and always play the role of a suffering person.

So let's think clearly about the first question: what do you really want? Close your eyes and think carefully.

Second question: No matter what, you will absolutely do your best to protect what you really want!

Question 3: Can you fully control others?

What is your answer?

The answer to the first question should be: I want a happy family and to give my children a warm and harmonious place to grow up!

And the answer to the second question is: I will absolutely do everything I can to get what I want!

The answer to the third question is a resounding "No!" I can't control other people, but I can change myself.

If you really hold fast to the idea that you want to be happy and make your children happy, and take the initiative into your own hands, then the man is in a passive position—and that's a great thing!

We are responsible for our own happiness, and we can choose to be happy! At this time, you are disappointed and powerless. We cannot change his behavior, and we should not focus on him, because that will only amplify our pain. What we can do is to bring our attention back to ourselves, to accompany ourselves, to accept our emotions, to watch them and soothe them, not to escape, to pay attention to what and where we are uncomfortable, and believe me, when you can connect yourself with your feelings and body, you will go beyond these negative emotions, these emotions will slowly dissipate, and you will slowly regain your inner strength, and then organize yourself to take good care of yourself and your children.

Embrace self-love in life! Find something you're passionate about, like yoga, meditation, or even public welfare activities. Take your kids to explore nature more often and watch your life transform. You'll find that such a life will also be very beautiful!

Keep a positive attitude! There's this wife who also experienced her husband's betrayal, but she's still grateful to her husband for bringing her such a lovely son. This is the power of faith! We're not trying to make excuses for other people's actions, but just to feel better. Practice gratitude every day! Be grateful for everything around you, be grateful that I have such a lovely child, be grateful to have a house and a job, be grateful for delicious food, be grateful to be able to drink clean water, be grateful for the smiles that others give us, be grateful for the big trees, the blue sky, and white clouds. At this time, you'll find that you've opened up a whole new world! You've gained some kind of mysterious power, and the door to your wisdom will open! Then, when you look at your husband on the sofa, buried in a video game, a voice in your heart will say, "Let him go!"

Guess what! Your happiness is back, and it's here to stay!

I really hope my answer helps you! Bless you!

Dear questioner,

I am Kelly, and as a woman, I can especially relate to how you feel. From a woman's perspective, I can empathize.

If I may, I would like to analyze this question together with you.

[As soon as I found out, I began drafting the divorce agreement. He expressed remorse and sought forgiveness. He even called the other woman in front of me and informed her that he wanted to end things, so I didn't pursue divorce.

From what you said earlier, I understand that you may have formed some conclusions based on the situation. As a wife, discovering that her husband has been unfaithful can be a painful, frustrating, and upsetting experience.

I must admit that I'm struggling to find the right words to express myself.

At the same time, I also observed your husband's willingness to assume responsibility for the family, including expressing remorse, seeking forgiveness, and initiating the dissolution of ties with the other party.

From my perspective, it seemed that he was sincere and determined. At the same time, I could understand why you might still want to continue this marriage, perhaps because of the child, the responsibility, and the commitment.

I also think of my close friends, who have been through similar experiences and have seen how their spouses have grown to cherish each other more and communicate more harmoniously.

When such a situation arises between a husband and wife, it is natural for the wife to experience a great deal of pain and distress. At the same time, it can also be an opportunity to reflect on the state of the marriage and consider how to move forward.

1: It is possible to achieve success by remaining true to oneself, even if this means forgetting promises made during marriage and ignoring each other's feelings.

2: Every family has its own unique set of challenges. From the initial stages of courtship to the formation of a family of three, it is essential for the couple to be prepared to embrace a new life together.

3: Could I inquire as to whether there are any areas of conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that might potentially impact the relationship between the husband and wife?

4: It seems that the couple's sex life has decreased, and it may be that the woman is too busy taking care of the children and working to have the desire to have sex.

5: It seems that the responsibilities of the couple's family are not quite balanced, with one party taking on more than the other.

6: It might be worth considering whether a fourth person has joined the nuclear family of three, as this could potentially disrupt the peace and harmony within the family.

7: Is there an opportunity for the husband to participate in the family, or does the nanny or mother-in-law intervene, leaving the husband with a lot of time to live a happy life?

8: As women's roles evolve, they may find themselves transitioning from being seen as cute and gentle by their husbands to becoming mothers. This shift in dynamic can result in a natural shift in focus for women, with their attention being directed towards their roles as mothers. This can also create an opportunity for men to seek new forms of stimulation outside the home.

9. In an intimate relationship, the head of the nuclear family, the husband and wife, will begin their lives with the intergenerational inheritance of their original family, which may have a significant or less significant impact. They will all have the patterns of their parents in their original families, and these patterns may continue in their new married lives.

10: After marriage, couples often find themselves having to reveal their true selves to each other. This can be a challenging period of adjustment, as neither party may be fully prepared for this level of intimacy.

After much reflection, effort, debate, and setbacks, I find myself at a point of exhaustion.

Perhaps it would be helpful for the original poster to ask themselves whether they have truly let go.

Have you considered forgiving him?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether not forgiving might lead to a continued deterioration of emotions.

Have you and your partner been open with each other and worked through this marital crisis together?

If you are unable to resolve the issue on your own, you may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a professional marriage counselor or family therapist.

It may be helpful to remember that every obstacle in marriage is related to the interaction pattern of both parties. When you are in pain, you may not be able to solve it by relying on yourself and your partner alone. A counselor can help you analyze the problem and work through it together from a neutral perspective.

If I might offer my personal advice, having studied family therapy and observed many cases where the interaction patterns of couples have gone awry, I would say that…

If we can find solutions, we can move towards a better life.

I have work in the morning, so I suggested to him last night that he take care of the kids in the morning, and he agreed.

I'm wondering if his response, which seemed a bit careless, made you feel particularly aggrieved.

I got up at 4 a.m. because he had been playing games all night and I thought it would be best to wake him up before 8 a.m.

It seems that you may not be as confident in him as you would like to be, and that he may sometimes use games in the family as a way of numbing himself.

Could I ask how long this situation has been going on for?

Despite my best efforts to reason with him and present the facts, it seems that this person has chosen to go to bed at 6 a.m. I prepared breakfast for the child and left for work. The child woke up and heated up his own breakfast. Then, at noon, he called me and said, "Mom, when are you coming back? I'm so hungry."

I suggested that he wake up his father, but he said he couldn't. I tried to make him laugh and told him to scream as loud as he could. Later, the child told me that his father had ordered takeaway and gone back to sleep.

I am sad to say that I am at a loss as to how to proceed.

I'm concerned that the situation at home may be affecting your emotional state, as well as your perception of the father's attitude. It's possible that the long-term marital disputes have led to a shift in his interest in life.

It may be that your own sense of powerlessness in the marriage is mirrored by your husband's. I would gently suggest that the questioner and her husband consider ways of growing together, for the sake of a better life and their children.

It might be helpful for the couple to try to move on from past issues and work together to improve their current situation, setting a good example for their child.

It might be helpful to consider that getting angry may not be the most effective solution. It may be beneficial for the questioner to prioritize their own health and self-care in order to enhance their overall well-being.

If your husband is reluctant to seek counseling, you might consider focusing on your own growth and development, or you could explore the option of attending a few counseling sessions together to gain a deeper understanding of the situation. Alternatively, you could continue to study psychology.

I believe there are always more solutions than problems.

I hope things work out for you.

If you would like to continue communicating, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom, and I would be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Good day. I am a heart coach.

He offers a supportive embrace and engages in a candid dialogue about the challenges of your marriage, the difficulties posed by your teammates, and the internal strife you've been grappling with. You express a desire to maintain a functional family unit for the sake of your children, yet your relationship has long since ceased to exist in name only. You're merely holding things together, while your partner is in a state of total collapse.

You are experiencing feelings of desperation towards your partner, remorse about your initial decision to forgive him, and a sense of helplessness and hopelessness in your role as the sole provider for the family, responsible for childcare and earning a living.

It is preferable to demolish ten temples than to ruin a marriage. However, if the situation persists even after a year of infidelity, it is time to make a decision.

I appreciate that you are facing a number of challenges following the divorce, including public opinion pressure on women remarrying, financial pressure of taking care of the children alone, and even disputes related to divorce matters.

"It is not possible to rouse someone who is feigning sleep." On the one hand, it is important to try to understand the other person's motives for this state of mind. Did the affair make him feel deeply guilty towards the family and the two of you?

Should I simply abandon hope? When one party has wronged the other, some individuals are unable to immediately restore balance to the family relationship.

The more the other party demonstrates tolerance, understanding, and forgiveness, the more the guilty party may experience heightened feelings of guilt, potentially leading to aggressive behavior. This is likely because they have been in a prolonged state of guilt and are experiencing significant distress, which can manifest as lashing out at the other party. For instance, they may find fault with the other party, perceiving that they are equally at fault.

It would be beneficial to have one last sincere communication and exchange. It is important to understand and empathize with the other party from a heartfelt perspective, while approaching the topic from a familial, child development, and filial piety standpoint.

It is important to gain an understanding of the other person's true thoughts and whether they are willing and confident in taking the initiative to start afresh. It is crucial to avoid complaining or accusing, but rather to genuinely let go of the past, listen to the other person, and express yourself.

If circumstances allow for a fresh start, then it is possible to work together to effect positive change and create a happy future. However, if the other party is unable or unwilling to participate, then the decision is yours alone.

When a marriage reaches the point of dissolution, it is essential to maintain confidence in your future prospects. There are always numerous options and opportunities for new beginnings in life. It is beneficial to summarize and reflect on past experiences, gain self-awareness, and embark on a new journey of self-discovery.

We don't require a metaphorical "chicken blood" to navigate the exciting challenges of life.

I hope the above is helpful to you, and I wish you the best in all your future endeavors.

Should you wish to continue communicating, you may click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Dear questioner, After reading your story, I was filled with so much excitement and motivation! On the one hand, you have an opportunity to work with someone who is not yet ready to grow up, and on the other, a chance to care for a baby who is hungry. I can feel your determination and drive to succeed!

It's so inspiring to see how women support each other! Whether it's helping a friend in need or offering a shoulder to cry on, women are there for each other. And it's amazing to see how women from all walks of life, from all backgrounds, come together to support each other. It's a beautiful thing!

1. Move forward! What are you afraid of?

What does such a marriage mean to you? What does such a painful experience mean to you?

You can do it! You can take that first step to leave. You can do anything you set your mind to.

These are all questions you need to ask yourself. Perhaps this model triggers your past trauma, and the bleeding wound is a good thing, as it always reminds you of the unfinished lessons in life. In the trauma lies the opportunity to grow!

2. You are not alone in this battle!

Once you've had children, it's easy to get caught up in looking after them and neglect your relationships with other people and even with yourself. But this is a mistake! When problems arise, you'll feel isolated and helpless. But you can change this! Take a close inventory of your resources and use them to break down the problem. For example, if you have someone to help you with the baby, you'll have a chance to catch your breath and fix that annoying colleague. Or if you find someone to talk to, you can see the situation clearly, sort out your thoughts, and make the right choice. In any case, you will definitely be able to find a way to get support.

I'm a psychological counselor and a middle-aged mother who has been through similar life experiences to you. I know the path you've walked and I understand the suffering you've endured. You are more than welcome to come and talk to me. By healing your wounds, you can gain the opportunity to bloom! My WeChat ID is huikai790926. Spring flowers will bloom, and happiness will surely come!

Hello. From what you've told me, it's clear you feel powerless and weak in this marriage. You're even considering giving up because you feel so helpless. You've already lost too much.

If what you say is true, you have to consider several aspects.

1. You need to get back the initiative.

The initiative is not about commanding and dominating him. It's about avoiding being dominated by him and by the marriage.

Your initiative means you can stand on an equal and respectful basis with him to fight for the common goal of maintaining the marriage, emotions, and running the household.

You need to decide whether you want to fight for it or not.

If you want to fight for it, find his weak points, such as gaming. Protect your own safety by gradually alienating him from gaming. It will be difficult to establish his sense of responsibility for the family, but you can do it.

Furthermore, everyone has fears, whether they're of a repressive nature or of harming their self-interest. You can expand on this and think about it.

2. You need to decide how to keep your bottom line.

You do have a bottom line. It has changed, but it is there. You couldn't stick to it when faced with infidelity and PUAs.

You've already been hurt and disappointed enough. Think about your bottom line and draw a red line for your marriage. If you cross it, it's over.

If you keep backing down, you're just encouraging those who lack self-reflection to think ill of you.

3. How far is your self-fulfillment from reality?

You know your situation, your experiences, and your helplessness. However, you've forgotten your own pursuit. Your current pursuit is limited to just improving the other person a little.

You need to understand that any anger, hatred, or irritability on your part will not solve the problem. It will only cause losses and affect your normal life, normal thinking, and judgment. Therefore, you must remain calm, think more about it, and especially consider your bottom line, pursuits, and reality.

4. I want to know what the foundation of your self-confidence is.

You must know what your foundation is if you are faced with a choice to continue or to end.

This foundation is the source of your ability to survive. It allows you to maximize the maintenance of your own interests and the pursuit of a better life. For example, it includes your income and career, your family, parents, brothers, etc.

This must not be to the point where your ability to survive is taken away.

5. I want to know what the way forward is for marriage.

What do you do about marriage?

If it continues,

1) Living together.

2) There was a beautiful relationship.

3) There is a marriage, but there is no contact.

If it ends,

1) I want to know how it ends.

2) When does it end?

3) I want to know what the result of the end was. Was she an object of hatred?

What else?

4) Know why you have no regrets.

5) How to survive.

6) Plan for the future.

You are the only one who can make decisions and choices, because you are the only one who has to face and bear the consequences.

You must consider all factors and make choices and decisions that are best suited to your current situation.

You've got this!

Best wishes!

Hello, I am Teng Ying, a psychotherapist at One Psychological. Your marriage has been on the rocks for a year now because of your husband's infidelity.

You chose to compromise after your husband's apology and pleading, but he still cannot share the burden of life with you. This has left you repeatedly disappointed and powerless. I understand how you feel, and I want to say: you have been through a lot!

Your needs are not being met.

Any successful relationship is built on meeting each other's needs. It's clear that your needs aren't being met in your marriage.

Love is the foundation of a marriage, and fidelity is non-negotiable. You said your husband stopped loving you a year ago, but the truth is, he was cheating on you.

You chose to be a full-time mother for the family, and after nine years of wholehearted devotion, you were rewarded with your husband's emotional betrayal. You must have had countless feelings of anger and struggle, facing such a melodramatic plot.

Mutual support is essential in marriage. Sharing the family's burdens is the most basic form of mutual support. You said that when you were working, you asked your husband to take care of the children. He accepted the task but then played video games until the early morning. He didn't leave himself the energy or strength to complete the task. This attitude was unacceptable.

My husband was unable to prepare lunch for the children on time, so they had to order takeaway. You are busy at work, but your life partner cannot solve your worries. This is unacceptable.

Dealing with disappointment in marriage is a challenge, but it's one that can be overcome.

You said that this year, you have experienced countless reflections, attempts, arguments, and disappointments in your marriage, until you finally became exhausted. It is because of this effort that today's disappointment is especially desperate. Is that right? It is the despair of being unable to do anything despite your efforts.

It's clear that methods like reflection and arguing haven't solved your marriage problems. Try a different approach.

First, communicate clearly about each other's needs in the marriage. You must talk to your husband about what you want from the marriage, and you should also listen to what he wants.

Communication is essential, even if there are no problems in the marriage.

If you can step outside your emotions and communicate your needs honestly, you will be able to make a clear decision about whether to stay in the marriage. If you can meet each other's needs or are willing to work hard to meet each other's needs, the marriage is worth saving. If you are unable to do anything about each other's needs, you should make an early decision.

Second, you must break the current pattern of getting along. From your account, it is clear that in family life, your husband should take on more responsibility.

Your reminders and supervision have clearly had no effect. He still won't take responsibility, and you're understandably left feeling disappointed and angry.

This mode of interaction is clearly ineffective in addressing my husband's lack of responsibility in family life. If this has become a fixed pattern, we must consider how to break it.

You need to make him clearly aware of his responsibilities and let him complete tasks without supervision.

Third, you must establish and maintain clear boundaries and bottom lines in your relationship. These boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship, and you cannot expect someone else to actively give them to you. You must fight for them and constantly maintain them.

The bottom line is dignity. You must have a clear bottom line to protect your inner dignity from constant infringement by others.

I want to know what the boundaries are in your marriage with your husband. I need to know where your inviolable bottom line is.

What will happen if you cross the line or break the bottom line? You need to work hard to make this clear.

From your story, I can tell that you are a brave and strong woman. You will get better and better, and this will help you do it!

1. [The root cause] Infidelity can be divided into emotional and physical infidelity, and it may be helpful to consider the underlying causes separately. For emotional infidelity, it could be beneficial to take a closer look at what may have contributed to the relationship dynamic between the two individuals, and what changes or circumstances may have led to the deterioration of the relationship.

This is a question that requires some thought and reflection. It would be helpful to consider who may be at fault in this situation and who may be in the wrong.

If there is physical infidelity, it would be helpful to consider the reasons and what may have caused the disharmony in your marriage. If one person is primarily responsible, it may be beneficial for that person to address it. If it is a problem that affects both people, it might be helpful for both people to work on it together.

It is not uncommon for couples to experience a lack of harmony in their marriage, which can often be a contributing factor to infidelity.

2. [With the help of outside forces] You say that you and your husband work and take care of the children, and your husband doesn't worry much. It might not be the most effective approach to lecture him about this.

At this time, you may find it helpful to seek support from other sources, such as your in-laws, parents, or other elders. Direct confrontation with your husband may not be the most constructive approach, as it may not lead to a positive outcome for either of you.

3. [Spoiled] Could I ask why your husband has a source of income even though he doesn't go to work and plays video games all night? This does seem to be an issue that requires attention.

If everyone could afford not to work, it seems likely that everyone would stop working. You work, and he doesn't. I'm curious as to why that is.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider who might have spoiled him so much that he is now so reckless.

Hello, dear!

First of all, I want to give you a big hug from afar and tell you that you have really worked hard over the years. You have been a full-time mother for nine years, and while it hasn't brought you the harmonious life you were hoping for, it has brought you a lot of valuable experiences and insights.

You said that at the time, he apologized, so you didn't get a divorce. As someone who has been there, I really, fully understand your anger, anxiety, and confusion at that time. But you got through it! And you're still here, stronger than ever.

I know you made the best choice you could have made at the time, and you've been amazing!

But there is still a little bit of regret. Because this ugly gift of life that you have wrapped up so nicely, you have not yet fully opened it, and you have put it aside before you have reached the very end. But now is the time to go back and look at that ugly package again!

So in the year that followed, you accumulated a lot of disappointment and a lot of powerlessness, until this explosion.

Maybe it's time to go back and take another look at that ugly package!

You were undoubtedly the party who suffered the most from the betrayal. It's time to take care of yourself! Soothe your heart, which is aching to the point of suffocation. Bandage the wound that has been bleeding for so long.

At that time, were you angry and sad at the same time, while also reflecting on yourself, wondering if you hadn't done enough over the years to cause this today? Dear, if you didn't take good care of yourself last year, then it's time to properly accompany yourself to deal with the wounds. And you can do it!

If you like, you can find a trusted friend or family member, or you can find a professional psychological counselor. With their company and support, look back and explore until you open the innermost layer of the gift of life. (Yes, I don't recommend that you reflect on your own. I really don't want you to attack yourself anymore. You deserve support because you are worth it.) There, you will get back the courage and wisdom that originally belonged to you. When you face life again, I believe you will find the answer yourself!

Best regards! I'm so excited to see you soon!

Dear Bao Mama, Indeed, when two individuals unite in a relationship, from the initial stages of acquaintance to the establishment of a family unit, the journey is inevitably fraught with challenges. In the current era, the advent of the Internet and the enhancement of transportation have led to a rise in instances of infidelity, with the potential for even those in one's immediate vicinity to be involved. I empathize with your situation, as I have also experienced infidelity in my own relationships. Ultimately, the decision to forgive or hold a grudge lies with the individual. One can strive to avoid mentioning the past, as infidelity is irreparable in a marriage. In my case, I was able to move on from the incident and become a more confident individual. Women, in particular, must strive to become the best they can be, working to develop a strong inner foundation. Regardless of the outcome of the relationship, each individual possesses a unique inner strength.

Firstly, it would be beneficial to ascertain whether the Bao Mama is a full-time Bao Mama, or whether she has an external source of income.

Does the baby mother have any social connections outside the family, such as friends?

What are the typical activities engaged in by Bao Mama when she is not occupied with her professional responsibilities?

We can commence with the most significant points and proceed to a comprehensive analysis, with the objective of implementing changes.

The initial consideration is that, given the cessation of romantic feelings, it is necessary to determine whether one is prepared to live without love in the absence of a divorce.

Hello! I can already feel how emotional you are right now, how sad and helpless you feel. I don't know how to solve it either, but I'm excited to find out! I also feel for you in this situation.

Your marriage is like a lively debate between a mother and a child. You passionately disagree on some issues, but that's what makes your relationship so dynamic! He's an adult, and while you may not always see eye to eye, you both have the capacity to feel happy and relaxed.

Instead, you will slowly feel tired and sad. But don't worry! When people are not calm, they can only remember the other person's bad points and forget all the good things about them.

Now, let's dive in and explore the following:

You say you always fight because he is not self-disciplined, often playing games until midnight, and has low expectations of himself, without regard for the feelings of others.

2. Is there any communication in your lives? Is there any deep communication? Absolutely! There's no reason why the two of you can't sit down and discuss things together in order to solve problems.

Or, you could explore the many times he simply doesn't want to change!

3. What was his original family like? Did it make him selfish, inconsiderate of other people's feelings, or immature with his parents doing everything for him?

4. Take a deep breath and think about all the great things you like about him. There are so many things you'll be excited to rediscover!

Let's dive in!

I'm going to be totally honest with you: there are so many amazing opportunities for growth and improvement in marriage when you work together!

Your marriage is not in crisis, but there are some minor issues that are starting to take up a lot of your time and energy. This is something you can definitely overcome! You are a very smart woman who knows how to work hard, and I believe in you.

I've got some great advice for you next!

1. Distract yourself! Don't focus all your energy on trivial matters. Go study, listen to music, or do anything else that makes you happy!

2. Be tolerant of others! Everyone is imperfect, and everyone has their shortcomings. Learn to understand, to understand other people's feelings, their work, their stress. If you don't understand others, why would they understand you?

3. Understand your husband's shortcomings, because games may be able to satisfy him. Games are not negative, and too much of it is indeed a bit wrong.

4. Arguments will drive you further apart, your relationship will fade, your sex life will diminish, and you will fall apart as a couple. So don't be so dominant! Women are like water: they are tolerant.

5. Find two people he thinks are nice and have a chat with him!

I really hope these suggestions will help make your life happier! I love you all!

Hello! I can already tell from your confession that you are feeling pretty agitated, upset, and helpless right now. But don't worry! I'm here to help. I'm going to help you solve this problem and get back to feeling happy and excited about your marriage.

You're doing great! You've been trying your best, and that's what matters.

Instead, people will slowly feel tired and sad. But don't worry! When people are not calm, they can only remember the other person's bad points and forget all the good things about the other person.

Let's dive in and explore the following together!

1. You say you always fight, and your love slowly fades.

2. Marriage is not measured by time, but by feelings. And it's so important to have love in your marriage!

3. How well are you doing in your marriage? Have you ever looked for the problem in yourself? In the description, it's all about how your husband is, and no one is perfect. Are you the one he needs?

4. Take a deep breath and think about what you really like about him. It's okay if you don't love him all the time. There's nothing wrong with that. And it's okay if you change your mind. If you think about it, there's no reason why you should stay in a marriage just because you've been together a long time. There's no reason why you should stay in a marriage just because you think you should. If you think about it, there's no reason why you should stay in a marriage just because you think you should. If that were the case, there would be no divorce rate and no cheating.

Let's dive in!

I'm so excited to tell you that marriage is something you can absolutely master with the right knowledge!

Your marriage is full of constant arguments, and the relationship has almost run its course. The man has cheated, and your married life is certainly not harmonious! But there's no need to fret. If you can't love anymore, why not just let go and love yourself?

I've got some great tips for you!

1. Go for it! Get out there and improve yourself! Read, write, go to the gym, learn, listen to music, and get to know some more positive people.

2. Embrace tolerance! We all have our imperfections, and that's what makes us unique. Take the time to understand your own shortcomings, then accept them and make up for them.

3. Work hard to earn money, love yourself, your children, and your parents.

4. In this dynamic society, you have the incredible opportunity to embrace uncertainty and allow bad things to happen. You get to be a strong person!

5. The more outstanding you become, the more outstanding people will love you! You'll find the kind of love you've always wanted, from people who care about you.

I really hope these ideas will help you live a happy life! I love you, Liu Qi, and I love the world too!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm a pretty modest and self-effacing person, and I try to be consistent.

If you can let go of the idea that things are always going to go wrong, you'll find that you suffer less.

It's totally normal to feel sad and disappointed when you're facing a situation like this. It's natural to feel like your life is terrible and that any effort you make will be fraught with difficulties. It's okay to feel this way.

In his speech, Liu Mintao said that the bright smile in the wedding photo doesn't tell the whole story of married life. Middle-age rebellion is strong, so since you're feeling it, just be yourself and plan for the future.

Since things are already the way they are, take a deep breath and take a good look at your life. It's true that it's tough to change a person. It's hard to adjust to your husband's attitude towards marriage, but you can absolutely adjust your own state and attitude.

I just wanted to share a little bit of advice with you:

After nine years of full-time work, it's totally normal to feel a bit rusty when it comes to life outside the office. It might take a little while to get back into the swing of things, but that's okay! Just give yourself some time to adapt and get used to the rhythm of life with all your heart.

Become your own support. We all make mistakes, and one of the biggest is expecting the best from others and the outside world. It's only natural to do so, but it can lead to disappointment. Instead, try relying on yourself. You'll be amazed at how much better it makes you feel!

Don't deny yourself, pay more attention to yourself. You've got this! Since others can't be relied upon, then rely on yourself. Create a good living environment for yourself and your children. You've been through a lot, but you're stronger than you know. These experiences will help you grow and become a better, stronger version of yourself.

I'm sending you lots of good luck and encouragement to hang in there!

What's your problem? What help do you want and what do you want to achieve?

Your question shows you haven't thought it through. If you want understanding and comfort, this software can help. Most people answering questions are professional.

If you want to change the status quo, you have to change yourself. It's easier to change yourself than others, but we expect to change others and the environment to achieve balance.

Normally, whoever suffers changes, and rights and responsibilities are balanced. Leaving is also a kind of change, but no matter what kind of change you make, there will be pain.

There is a balance between good and bad.

This is advice from a helping perspective.

A relationship is about two people supporting each other. You can't look at one person without considering the other and the environment.

If I were you, I'd just make sure the kid doesn't go hungry. You could also make some food ahead of time. I don't think my husband would mind staying up all night and ordering takeout if he was woken up by the baby.

My husband stays up late playing games, and it hurts him the most. As long as the kids are fed, it's fine. I said to replace myself because you have the wrong expectations. You think others should do what you think is right, but there is no right or wrong.

It hurts to hear, but it's true.

Greetings!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the most valuable asset of the human body.

From your account, it is evident that you are experiencing a range of negative emotions, including disappointment, powerlessness, pain, and helplessness.

The specifics of your marital difficulties are beyond the scope of this discussion. However, I would like to offer three pieces of advice for your consideration:

First and foremost, it is imperative to recognize that in an intimate relationship, the party who is experiencing greater distress and initiating change, including a couple, plays a pivotal role.

Your decision to seek assistance indicates that you are experiencing a greater degree of distress. As you have previously observed, you are frequently disappointed and fatigued. This suggests that it may be more beneficial for you to initiate change before expecting him to do so. Given the mutual influence between you, it is probable that your actions will have a greater impact on his behaviour than vice versa.

One might argue that the individual in question is the source of irresponsibility, infidelity, relationship dissolution, and a lack of assistance with childcare responsibilities. Consequently, it is reasonable to question the necessity of personal change in the context of a partner who remains unchanged and uncooperative.

It is understandable that one might hold such a perspective; however, it is this author's contention that change should be pursued not for the sake of a definitive answer, but rather to explore novel possibilities for the state of the relationship. Otherwise, the status quo will persist, which is likely not the desired outcome.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to consider whether you still wish to continue the relationship. This is a crucial aspect to address.

It is only once a decision has been made as to whether or not to continue the relationship that the next step can be taken to determine how to proceed.

From your description, it appears that you are not yet prepared to separate from him, or perhaps you have not yet considered the possibility. Nevertheless, it seems likely that you are contemplating continuing the relationship at this time, given that you have not yet initiated divorce proceedings and you are currently experiencing feelings of disappointment and powerlessness.

If you wish to persevere, it would be prudent to begin by modifying your expectations of him.

In other words, it is necessary to attempt to accept him for who he is initially. Engaging in video gaming for an extended period of time makes it challenging for him to assist with childcare and other responsibilities in accordance with your requirements.

There are two purposes to allowing one to try to accept the other as they are. The first is to improve one's own sense of well-being, as having no expectations of the other will prevent one from being hurt. The second is that, if one accepts the other as they are and they do not change, they may change instead. This may seem contradictory, but it is a fundamental principle of change: it is based on allowing no change.

It is recommended that you direct your attention to your own well-being and consider the actions you can take to improve your emotional state.

Given your description of exhaustion and internal conflict, it is imperative that you prioritize self-care. This entails providing yourself with energy, respecting your own feelings, satisfying your own needs, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.

To illustrate, if one commences the workday with the awareness that the other parent is unlikely to be able to rise and attend to the children's needs, one may endeavor to resolve the issue independently and cease anticipating assistance from the other parent. This approach may mitigate feelings of disappointment and foster a more positive disposition. Based on the description provided, it is plausible that the children are capable of preparing their own breakfast, suggesting that the other parent may be able to assume responsibility for his own needs. It is recommended to prioritize fostering the children's independence, placing trust in their abilities and in oneself. Alternatively, one may seek assistance from older family members in caring for the children.

One might respond, "He does nothing; what is his obligation?" In such a case, it would be advisable to engage in a sincere dialogue with him, demonstrating an openness to hear his perspective. If he offers a commitment, it would be prudent to initially extend trust, even if he is unable to fulfill the promise the following morning. It would then be beneficial to listen to his rationale. Maintaining a pervasive sense of distrust may impede his growth, as he may perceive that if he fails to perform adequately, you will assume responsibility. This dynamic could potentially motivate him to gradually alter his behavior.

Furthermore, one can endeavor to address their own shortcomings at work and in life, striving to alter them in a manner that enhances their personal well-being. When one is in a positive emotional state, it is possible to alter one's disposition. The objective of this assertion is to encourage the understanding that one's overall state of life should not be determined by another individual, as it is a malleable construct. Each individual bears responsibility for their own life and possesses the capacity to choose happiness. When one is able to live a happy life independently, it will be challenging for the behavior of another individual to exert a significant influence. Additionally, the other individual may also undergo a transformation, as they may become willing to alter their behavior in response to acceptance and understanding.

Conversely, if one accepts the other party in their current state and they remain unchanging, it becomes evident which option is preferable. In this case, the other party is unable to comprehend the individual's needs, unwilling to adapt their behaviour in response to them, and incapable of demonstrating love. At this juncture, it is crucial to consider whether one is willing to remain in a relationship with someone who does not demonstrate love and understanding.

It is not this author's intention to suggest that a divorce is the only viable option; rather, the objective is to convey the notion that the individual in question possesses the capacity to determine the trajectory of their own life.

It is my hope that this response is of assistance. Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the link entitled "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation," which can be found at the foot of this page. I will then be available to converse with you on an individual basis.

I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I can imagine how difficult it must be for you, feeling disappointed and exhausted in your marriage. I have been in a full-time relationship before and I empathise with your situation. It has been challenging over the years, and your husband seems to lack confidence, making it difficult to rely on him. It must be very difficult for you, feeling helpless and exhausted. I send you a hug and hope you can feel some warmth and support.

I would like to offer you some advice.

Perhaps we could consider why we are still willing to stay in the relationship, what needs he has fulfilled for you, and why we can't leave?

From your description, it seems that your husband may be unable to support you in the ways you need, and that he may not always demonstrate understanding. It also seems that he may not provide the emotional support and nurturing you need for your child, and that he may drain your energy and have a negative influence on you. But why do we still choose to stay in the relationship and not leave?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what needs your husband is actually meeting. Is it financial support?

Or could it be that you want to give your child a complete family? Or are you concerned about how others might view your decision?

Or perhaps you are concerned that you would be unable to provide your child with a happy life on your own. You may also wish to consider reflecting on other needs in order to gain a deeper understanding of the underlying reasons behind your decision not to leave the relationship.

2. If you were to leave him, would there be other ways to fulfill these needs?

It's important to remember that there are always more solutions than problems. If you feel that he has met your financial needs, then perhaps we can explore ways to strengthen our financial capabilities and continuously improve our ability to earn money to support ourselves and our children. If you want to give your child a complete family and a happy life, then your state of happiness after the divorce may be able to bring a more positive influence on your child than the constant state of arguing and negativity you are in now. Because only when you are happy can your child feel happy and learn from you to pursue true happiness, rather than the superficial "completeness." If you are worried about other people's gossip, it's helpful to remember that life is your own, and we don't have to live in other people's mouths. Divorce does not mean that we are a failure or something bad. We can still meet our own happiness, and even if we are single, we can still live a wonderful life.

It would be beneficial for you to identify your own needs and explore ways to fulfill them in a more reasonable and optimal manner. This approach could potentially lead to a greater sense of freedom and ease in your life.

3. You may wish to consider making your own choice and accepting the consequences.

It's important to remember that perfection is an unattainable ideal. We can only make our own choices and accept the consequences of those choices. This concept is known in psychology as "issue separation."

It would be helpful to consider who is affected directly by the issue in question.

You have a number of options to consider. One is to maintain the status quo and continue with the current relationship. This will likely result in a similar pattern of living. Another is to leave decisively, which will require finding ways to address the challenges that come with divorce and being willing to accept the consequences of this choice. If you and your husband are still interested in continuing the marriage but are unsure of how to make it work, seeking professional psychological counseling might be helpful. However, this will require bearing the cost of the counseling. If necessary, you may also consider inviting your husband to participate in marriage counseling together to address the difficulties in your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. You must decide what is best for you and face the consequences of your choice. This process can help you make an informed decision.

Please feel free to refer to the above as you see fit. Wishing you well!