If I were to label myself, it would be an elderly single woman. I'm not sure how to balance it?

Hello! You are so honest and open, and you're willing to share your inner thoughts. It's totally understandable that you feel conflicted. On the one hand, you feel pressure from others about not being married and having a family. On the other hand, it seems like you're not quite sure what you want in a spouse.

I'd love to know what you think about intimacy and marriage. Are you feeling anxious about getting older?

Apart from feeling anxious, what are your other feelings when others bring this up? You mentioned feeling envious of your classmates for achieving what you couldn't, and you were referring to taking the shortcut to the top of the family business, right?

I'm not sure if you're looking for a "happy" ending or the feeling of "being a winner in other people's eyes."

You also mentioned that when a rich man asks for your hand in marriage, you are very torn. I can relate! I think we can all relate to that feeling of worry in our hearts that if we say yes, we'll be more attracted to the money than the person. This kind of concern can prevent us from fully committing to the relationship because a voice in our hearts keeps telling us that this person is rich. It's hard to fall in love with someone when you're trying to distinguish between your love for the person and your love for the money!

You know, you might as well ask yourself a different question: if someone stood in front of you who wasn't rich, what would you think? It's always good to examine your own heart and mind and ask yourself what you admire about this person and what you dislike.

If you haven't yet sorted out your criteria for choosing a partner, you can also list the "exclusion principles," such as what vices, shortcomings, and values you will definitely not accept. This way, you'll know what you're looking for and won't waste time with people who don't fit the bill. And remember, anyone above the bottom line is worth talking to!

I really hope things work out for you!

As an older young woman, you're facing some tough truths. You're aware of your current situation and have some life goals to work towards. It's totally normal to feel frustrated, but try not to let it make you restless.

It seems like a lot of people think that getting married and having kids is the ultimate goal in life. We feel like we need to do this to be complete. But the truth is, that's not always the case. There are so many ways to be complete, and not everyone has to go through this process.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to support you. It's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed when you're trying to balance so many things. It's also totally normal to feel like you're being pursued by other people, even if you don't want to talk about it. It's okay to feel this way. Your heart might still be on other things, and you might not be ready to fully commit to a relationship just yet.

It's true that there aren't a lot of people out there who are a perfect match for us. The good news is that when you find someone who is truly suitable, it's because both of you are willing to put in the effort to make it work. We all have our own needs, but sometimes we need to step outside of our comfort zone to find the right person for us.

It could be that you haven't found the right balance yet, or that you haven't yet met someone you think you might develop a relationship with. Is it really impossible to find someone your age in the world? There are so many possibilities out there! I recommend you take the Love and Life Psychological Test to understand your blind spots. Good luck!

ZQ?

Dear questioner,

From what you've said, it seems like you're thinking about marriage and getting married later. I just wanted to share my personal opinion with you:

[1: Marriage is about mutual expectations] It's all about value and benefit exchange. No matter which party it is, there must be value. Maintaining a good marriage must be about value or benefit exchange. The benefits or value here are in the broad sense, including material things, money, a sense of security, a sense of belonging, etc. When there is an exchange, it must be a willing giving to the other party. I trust you, I give what I have, I hope I can get something from the other party, and the other party also trusts us, so we can have a good marriage.

[2: Late marriage is not necessarily bad] Early marriage and late marriage are both about entering married life sooner or later. But here's the thing: early marriage doesn't necessarily lead to a good life. It just means that young people think they'll have a good marriage. But in reality, many divorced people had problems before marriage that were irreconcilable conflicts that the two people just couldn't resolve together. After marriage, the problems surfaced, leading to the breakup of the marriage. Marriage can guarantee property, but it doesn't guarantee the continuation of love. So, many people think that having love can lead to marriage. But it's also possible without it, as long as a certain value exchange is met, as mentioned in the first point above.

[3: Happiness in marriage has nothing to do with age] It's a common misconception that happiness in marriage is related to age. In fact, happiness is related to the ability to create happiness, which has nothing to do with age. The good news is that the ability to create happiness is strong, and the satisfaction index of marriage will improve. Moreover, the more mature the mind of both parties, the more independent they are in terms of their finances, personality, and thoughts, and the better their communication skills, the higher the happiness index will be. The probability of a harmonious intimate relationship will also be higher. The great news is that it is easier for older people to achieve these conditions than younger people.

[4: Marriage is just one way to achieve a life path] Marriage is not an end in itself, but just one way to achieve a life path. No one has stipulated that it is a place where everyone must arrive. Rather, it is a path that allows us to arrive at a freer, fuller, and broader life situation. However, there is more than marriage to arrive at this life situation. There are many ways to achieve a life path, such as traveling, writing, working, and realizing oneself. All are part of the journey. As the saying goes, "All roads lead to Rome." It's up to you to choose. No matter which path you choose, it is our freedom.

I really hope this helps answer your question!

Hello, question asker! I'm so happy we've met here.

Let's go through what you've said together, shall we?

And you really, really hope to find the right person to marry and start a family.

I know it can be tough when your blind dates don't work out. It can feel like you're stuck without someone to marry. But remember, there are plenty of other ways to find your perfect match!

& You think age is a problem, so you want to get married as soon as possible.

Questioner, from what you've shared, I can see you're feeling a bit anxious, unsure, and longing for the right partner. I really hope you can relax, get to know yourself better, and then think about what you want to do next.

And please, don't compare yourself to others.

Marriage is your own thing, and it's not about comparing yourself to others. You need to think about what kind of person you can find based on your own conditions and who is right for you to spend your life with. That way, you can meet people with targeted blind dates.

And living without marriage can also be really exciting!

It's totally cool if you don't want to get married! Lots of people these days are choosing to live without marriage, and it can be really fun! You can try to explore your interests, meet new people, and strengthen your understanding of the people you interact with based on common topics. Then, you'll be ready to find the right person for you!

And remember, don't pay any mind to other people's gossip.

You can choose to tune out the noise around you, or you can listen with one ear and ignore with the other. There's no need to take it seriously, because some people just say whatever comes into their heads, and they probably don't even remember what they said. The key is to have your own opinions and know what kind of life you want to live and with what kind of person. With this reassurance, you have a goal to work towards.

And remember, you can always do some self-study or go for counseling if you need help.

You can also find a counselor who is good at relationships to help you grow. It's a great idea to read some books on relationships to improve yourself.

Okay, I'm just me. Please, speak! I really hope my answer can provide you with a little perspective and that it will be useful to you.

— When it comes to "seeking marriage," is it more about the person or the money? I still don't think it's a good fit. This shows that the questioner has their own opinions and standards for choosing!

You've made the choice to see it as inappropriate, even if you don't realize it!

I watched an old classmate marry a girl from a wealthy family, and it really helped his career. I'd love to be in that position, as I've not been able to achieve the same.

I've had a few blind dates, but I never get a second meeting. Some people say that I'm not really looking for a serious relationship and that meeting someone is useless, no matter how many people I meet.

Some people say, "Just take the next move in chess." But this person is the same.

Maybe what we see is "the way other people's families are." They fit in with the social and traditional mainstream culture and values, and they've taken the path that generations of elders have hoped for.

Young people today are very different from their grandparents in terms of their outlook on life, ideas, beliefs, traditional mainstream culture, and values. Everyone is influenced by different times, social pressures, the economy, education, and a combination of social factors. This makes it difficult for young people to follow the traditional path of getting married and following the rules. At the same time, more young people have their own opinions. Some choose not to get married, some choose to be "Dinks," and others are happy to remain single. Today's young people have too many choices.

As for social judgments, the impact of traditional culture, and the gossip of mainstream culture, none of these can stop the advancement of human society. And the questioner's self-label of "older woman"? Maybe it's being held back by the so-called "mainstream culture" and isn't the original intention of the questioner?

I feel so guilty when I hear this. It's all my fault. On the one hand, I want to meet the right person to get married soon and start a family. But on the other hand, the blind dates never lead anywhere.

I'm not sure how to strike a balance. My gut tells me I should get married sooner, but reason says I'm older.

The reality is that I haven't met anyone I could develop a relationship with, so it's impossible!

I think the reason the original poster blames himself for not yet "succeeding" is probably related to how he was brought up and his "object relations."

We come into the world as a blank piece of paper. Even if we don't meet the right person, it's not our fault. It's just that too much "mainstream culture" makes it impossible for us to be comfortable with ourselves! From now on, we will walk our own path, and it's none of anyone else's business.

And again, is "finding a partner" and "starting a family" what the questioner wants, or what others want for them? When "ideal" and "reality" conflict, should we push for "fantasy" or respect "reality"?

What do you think?

Based on what the original poster is asking and what she's looking for, you might want to respond like this:

[1] Accept reality. I may be an older woman, but I have my own opinions. Otherwise, we'll lose sight of who we really are.

Are you feeling held back by others?

[2] Learn to love yourself. When we start to love ourselves, we'll win the love of the whole world, instead of judgment and blame. That way, we'll feel justified. ("When You Start to Love Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You" is a book that helps to enhance the power of love. It's worth reading.)

[3] Learn to express your inner emotions. When we have inner struggles, conflicts, dissatisfaction, or repression, we need to learn to express them courageously, find the right way to express our emotions, and gradually learn to be true to ourselves.

[4] Set some boundaries between people. We all have different interests and ways of living. The first step is to make yourself happy. You'll only be able to love yourself and others when you're mentally prepared. For now, you've got control over your own self-control.

In short, this is my answer to the question the original poster asked. I hope it'll be helpful to her. I hope the older woman is happy and carefree, living a carefree life! I wish her luck!

I'm here to bring sunshine into your life, and I love you!

Hello, question asker. I can see that you're feeling a bit confused. I'm here to support you.

I can see that you are experiencing some emotional difficulties at the moment. Please accept my warmest hug.

It seems that you are feeling anxious about finding someone to start a family with, perhaps because you feel that you are an older woman.

I can understand your anxiety. Please accept my sincere condolences and allow me to give you a big hug again through the screen.

It is worth noting that there are also many older women who have not yet married.

If I might make a suggestion, there are many ways to find the right person for you. You don't have to limit yourself to blind dates.

If you are currently employed, you might consider taking part in some of the social events that your company or unit has to offer.

It's possible that the right person for you is already there, waiting to be found.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that getting married is not necessarily the only reason to start a family. It might be more beneficial to focus on finding the right person to start a family with, rather than solely on the act of marriage itself.

Otherwise, it is possible that, as people say, meeting a large number of people may not necessarily lead to a successful outcome.