I'm 37 years old. Regarding marriage, neither of the two parties met expectations. What should I choose?

Good day!

I am a heart exploration coach, and I believe that learning is the treasure of the body.

From your description, I can sense that you may be facing some inner struggles, conflicts, hesitation, difficulty, and confusion.

I won't delve into the specifics of your concerns about choosing a partner. Instead, I'd like to offer three suggestions for your consideration:

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to ask yourself what your own criteria for choosing a partner are, and whether they are rational and objective.

You mentioned that you are now 37 years old, and that the two men you know now do not meet your expectations regarding marriage. Perhaps it would be helpful to examine your expectations rationally.

Perhaps it would be helpful to first clarify your own criteria for choosing a partner, making them as specific as possible, and ensuring they are rational and objective. This could help you avoid idealization and perfectionism.

It would be helpful for you to identify what you value most in a partner, and then consider what is important to you next, and what comes after that.

I believe that when you understand your own dating standards, it may help you choose.

This may also assist you in gaining a deeper understanding of yourself and reality. It could also help you to determine whether the standards you have set for your partner are truly aligned with your values and expectations. After all, love and marriage are a mutual choice.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you might be willing to adjust your standards for a partner, given that you are not as age-advantaged as you would like to be.

It might be helpful to consider whether you would be open to lowering your standards if you knew exactly what your ideal partner would be like. Given that you have mentioned that the two men you have met so far do not fully align with your expectations, it would be interesting to explore whether you would be willing to compromise.

This may prompt you to consider whether the opportunities really are running out for you.

Given that you feel you have few remaining opportunities, it seems likely that you are experiencing some degree of age anxiety. This is something that requires a rational approach to address.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a step back and look at the situation from a more objective perspective. It might be beneficial to consider both options and analyze them from different angles.

Perhaps it would be helpful to ask yourself whether you truly have no chance.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider lowering your standards for a partner, focusing on the main conflicts, and seeing if there is still a chance.

It might also be helpful to consider which of the two is closer to your expectations by lowering the points that you don't care about the most.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you would regret choosing between these two people in the future.

Given that you have already indicated that neither of these two individuals aligns with your expectations, it might be helpful to consider whether you would regret your decision after marriage.

If you choose and have no regrets, and you will take responsibility for your choice, then it's fine. However, if you will regret it, and it is very likely that you will, then you may wish to consider your options carefully.

If I may make one more suggestion, it would be to imagine what it would be like to live with each of them, based on your own knowledge of the two.

This way of thinking may help you determine which person is relatively more suitable for you.

If, after careful consideration, you feel that your chances are still not good and you want to choose between the two, it might be helpful to lower your expectations appropriately. This way, you can be sure you'll make a choice you won't regret. You can then "verify" your choice by using the above method of visualization.

Perhaps another option would be to give them some time and then make a choice.

Perhaps you could allow yourself another month to get to know them better, which might help you make a decision.

In addition, you mentioned the perspective of an excellent student. It's possible that you feel Mr. B has a high level of education and comes from a better family, and that the child you have together may be "excellent."

I believe that children are more likely to do well in school if their parents are highly educated. However, I also believe that the kind of people that parents are is of the utmost importance. If parents are not affectionate and do not love, it will be difficult for their children to do well in school and be happy, regardless of their level of education. Therefore, I do not think there is a necessary connection between a high level of education and having good children. Moreover, you have already visually determined that B has more serious psychological problems. I am not sure if he will be able to bring happiness to you and your child.

It is certainly possible that he may change, but it would be wise to consider the likelihood of that happening.

Regarding Mr. A, you mentioned that you're unsure whether his sweet words will make you happy for the rest of your life. I can understand that. It's natural to want to feel loved and cared for in a relationship, and while it's always nice to hear kind words, actions often speak louder than words in a relationship. It's important to consider whether his actions make you feel loved and cared for.

I would also like to suggest four criteria for judging whether the other person really loves you. These are: whether he has a strong emotional connection with you; whether he really responds to you when you are together, or if he just talks to himself; whether you are special and the only one in his heart; and whether he loves you for who you are or because you are useful to him.

I hope these insights are helpful. If you'd like to discuss further, you're welcome to click "Find a coach for an online conversation" at the bottom. I'd be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

The two men didn't meet the questioner's expectations, but they were still discussed and placed on the platform, inviting advice. It can be seen that the question of how to choose a marriage is a difficult problem for the questioner.

I hope this helps you think in a new way about finding a happy marriage.

The choice between A and B is about happiness.

At 37, the world often sees women as "leftover." The questioner knows this is wrong. She doesn't like this logic, which is male-dominated and stuck in the past. So she talks about "social definition" instead of "self-definition."

How you see yourself is important when choosing a marriage.

A and B didn't meet expectations. You had to choose. Why did you choose A or B? I'd like you to think about your own definition of happiness.

Before AB was introduced,

What was the questioner's life like?

2. What's your attitude toward marriage?

3. What is the best way to compromise in marriage?

4. What is the ideal marriage like?

These questions help a woman see her true desires and expectations before making a decision about marriage.

The social clock is the psychological clock of major life milestones. It is determined by our socio-cultural background and reflects society's expectations.

(Bernice Neugarten, 1964). Different social cultures form different life rhythms, forcing people to realize what to do at what age.

People feel pressure, but they can choose their own life.

If they were in your life, would they make your married life better?

If it's right for you, it's worth it. If not, don't bother.

Second, the "opportunity" may not be waiting, but searching.

Even an independent person can feel pressure from social expectations. The questioner's comment, "Not many opportunities are left for me," makes people feel sad and helpless.

Some people in society want to limit women's choices based on age and biology.

These are facts, but that doesn't mean women should give up their dreams. If you choose a man who is AB, you might not be happy.

Marriage is the easiest step in a future married life. The daily grind of married life is a test for both partners.

If these two options are very different from what you expected, use your past experiences as a reference. Actively seek a good partner who is a good match for you.

Is marriage necessary for a happy life?

These numbers contain a lot of information. Society needs marriage to run smoothly, but people can choose to get married.

There are many ways to live a happy life. If you're not happy, maybe marriage isn't for you.

It's about what you want.

Good luck on your journey to a happy life.

I'm not exploring human nature, but a therapist who cares about people. I wish you well.

Hello, question asker. It seems like you're facing a tough choice between two options. Let's talk about how you can make the best decision.

First, the questioner should ask himself what he truly needs in his heart. I saw the last sentence of the questioner — happiness for the rest of his life.

This is also what I'm aiming for, and everyone has a different idea of what happiness looks like.

The first thing that stands out to me about A and B is their economic situation. A is average, while B is upper-middle class.

The questioner can give each aspect a score. The questioner has a stable job and should be doing well financially, so financial conditions probably don't weigh heavily on your mind. Unless you are very afraid of the financial pressure after marriage and lack a sense of security.

There's a conclusion from a Harvard psychology class that says it's not a good idea to use wealth as a measure of happiness. People's sense of happiness doesn't increase along with their social wealth.

In most countries, there's almost no link between income and happiness. In the poorest countries, though, income is a good measure of happiness.

Even though B has good financial conditions, I think the combination of a "mama's boy" and domestic violence is pretty scary. If nothing has changed so far, it could get a lot worse. I'd suggest keeping an eye on the news on Weibo—there was a story about a Guangxi University professor who abused his two wives.

The article is pretty long, but it gives some good tips on how to protect yourself in marriage and avoid getting hurt. The questioner's words suddenly made me think of that news story.

You're doing great, so don't rush to put yourself forward.

A's personality is "more caring, more tolerant, and sweet-talking." The question asker should be able to feel his thoughtfulness. Do you think he's a kind person? You also said that neither one meets expectations. I'm not sure if it's because of education or financial conditions.

The original poster said he works in a supermarket. How long can he keep that job?

Does he have any plans for the future?

Are you happy and at peace with him?

If you're planning to get married, you'll want to find someone kind, who lives an active life and is responsible for their actions. Otherwise, life will be even more difficult than when you were single.

There are plenty of people who are as anxious as you are. You don't have to worry. To find someone you can trust and be at ease with, you can also expand your circle a bit. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Maybe none of them are the right person for you.

As a general rule, there are more men than women in this society. Spend a few months improving your discernment and getting to know more people of the opposite sex, and you might find someone who meets or even exceeds your expectations.

Frankl once said, "No matter how bad a situation is, how stressful it is, or how much it restricts your freedom, you always have the freedom to choose your attitude."

I hope you won't let external pressures get to you, and that you'll be able to figure out what you really need. Everyone's life plan and pace of life are different.

I'm happy we met and I hope you found my input helpful.

I wish you all the best in life!

Hello, question asker! I have to say, after reading your description, I laughed knowingly. Don't get me wrong, this laugh is not malicious. I just think you are so cute. You should be a straightforward, honest, and direct person. Your writing style is bright and concise. You will directly reveal your status as an adopted person, and also say bluntly that you are a "leftover woman." Although you didn't write much about the two men, your sentences hit the nail on the head. You don't complain about yourself or lament about life, but you are also honest about your helplessness and confusion. You are helpless because there are really so few good men, and you are confused because if you miss this village, there will be no next shop.

I laughed because you're cute and I was relieved. I thought, "This girl is amazing. She can take care of herself even if she can't find the right life partner right now. A partner is just icing on the cake for you."

I believe this is the case for a number of reasons. In my view, you are quite something.

You didn't dwell on the urgency of getting married, didn't bemoan yourself, and didn't exaggerate your loneliness and coldness. You're strong and don't rely on others. You expressed yourself rationally and examined the other person's points sensibly. You're not blind or carried away, but your description is cute. You said the other person tolerates you, which seems like a compliment, but then you said the other person is good at sweet talk, which seems like a criticism. You don't know that sweet talk can guarantee happiness. You praised the other person for having a high IQ and being suitable for finding a dad with good genes for your child, which seems like a compliment, but then you worried that the other person's serious psychological problems would also be inherited. Your reaction is real. These concerns are real and rational, and there's a little cuteness in the rationality.

I am a counselor, and I can tell you with certainty that I cannot make a choice for you in life, nor can I tell you which partner is more suitable for you. However, I am certain that you are really amazing, capable of making choices for your own life. You are rational, yet not lacking in humor or cuteness; you are frank, yet not overbearing or snobbish. You deserve a good partner, not just any partner. You have the wisdom to judge what suits you and what doesn't. As you said in your description, A and B, anyone with a discerning eye can see at once that you don't fancy either one. You don't want to give up just yet because of your age, but you know you shouldn't settle. With A, you obviously feel that you don't have anything in common with him, given their unequal educational backgrounds, occupations, and family backgrounds. Sweet nothings are only temporary and can be practiced, but the fundamental differences between the two cannot be made up for overnight. With B, your concerns are also valid. Serving time in prison for domestic violence in its early stages is terrifying. The only use of high intelligence is to study a strategy to avoid going to prison again before the next domestic violence incident.

You already know the answer, so there's no need to ask on a platform. You don't need advice on choosing between two options. You need the courage to give up the current bad option, continue searching for a good one, and live beautifully as a single person.

It is difficult to summon the courage to do this. We all know that one day our parents will leave us, and the people who will be there for us will be our husbands, children, or ourselves. As we grow older, we will feel an unprecedented sense of loneliness. I have said at length above that you are a very strong person inside, and I stand by that. No one is perfect, and there will always be times when we feel vulnerable and need support. You should be a very strong-willed person who is unwilling to show your vulnerability. You mentioned that you were adopted, but I don't know if you meant to or not. Your writing is logical and clear, with a beginning and an end. You don't leave things hanging. With regard to the subject of adoption, you didn't mention anything other than the occupation of your adoptive parents. This shows that while you are open and honest inside, you also have a desire for an intimate, unprotected relationship. You are strong inside, but in a corner of your heart, you are soft and long to be loved, accepted, and cared for unconditionally.

You know that "sweet words cannot feed you," yet you still cling to them. What I want to say is that you are reluctant to let go of the feeling of being held in the palm of your hand, not the person A. Perhaps you did not experience this feeling in your childhood, which is why you are attached to it.

Let me be clear: you are not reluctant to let go of B. What you want is a partner with an education, career, and life background that are evenly matched. You will feel more secure, and you will be able to show your partner that you are strong and capable.

You are reluctant to let go of neither A nor B. I encourage you to take a step forward and continue searching for the right person. This person will give you warmth, reliability, and acceptance. They will see your strength and cuteness as well as your vulnerability and weakness and take care of you with all their heart. This has to do with education, occupation, and family background, and it also has nothing to do with it. You are very smart. You know the meaning behind this sentence.

If you can't find it at the moment, then just go on living a beautiful life on your own. Accept yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, your fragility, and your lovable qualities. See your own strength and your own lovable qualities, but also your own fragility and weaknesses. Leave a way out behind you and let there be light in front of you. Come on.

Good day. I am Strawberry.

Upon reflection on the questioner's personal history and circumstances, it becomes evident that as individuals advance in age, they often observe a trend wherein their social circle comprises primarily of coupled individuals with their own families. Despite the inherent complexities and challenges associated with such relationships, these individuals tend to derive a sense of personal fulfillment and contentment. The 37-year-old questioner, in particular, has been contemplating the prospect of marriage. In this regard, a colleague has introduced them to two potential partners, prompting the questioner to undertake a comparative analysis of their respective attributes, including their professional endeavors, educational backgrounds, personalities, and other pertinent characteristics.

Each individual possesses distinctive merits. However, if the questioner does not select one of these two individuals as a partner, she fears that her prospects may be limited. The questioner is currently contemplating the selection of an optimal partner with whom to spend the remainder of her life. Consequently, she is not compromising in her choice. It is also evident that neither of these two individuals aligns with her preferences.

I am 37 years of age. With regard to the institution of marriage, neither party is meeting the expectations that have been set. What is the optimal course of action in this situation?

A marriage of poor quality is no more desirable than being single and leading a high-quality life.

I previously observed a video of a blogger in her forties. She travels extensively and asserts that she can be content even when alone. Many individuals commented on her, questioning whether she would be content in old age without children. I believe that everyone has different priorities. She seeks a life of freedom and ease. Others may not have experienced romantic love and may only become more certain about their life goals after doing so. Her family supports her. As a stranger, it is not my place to criticize another person's happiness.

It is possible that the questioner's standards for a partner are higher, but given the age difference, it seems that you have compromised. It is unclear who is putting pressure on you to feel that you have to choose between these two people. A's sweet-talking may be related to his social experience, but if there is a significant difference in education, there may be a communication gap between generations in the future, which is something the questioner needs to consider.

You have articulated the issue with B with remarkable clarity. Domestic violence is an egregious violation of human rights. Even if one possesses a high degree, it is of little consequence if one is unable to control one's own behavior. It is reasonable to conclude that the question asker may perceive his degree as a mere formality.

The greatest mission of humankind is to achieve personal happiness.

Given the multitude of individual perspectives on the concept of happiness, it is unsurprising that expectations regarding romantic partners vary considerably. Many individuals aspire to find a partner who comprehends their perspective, exhibits no communication barriers, and represents an ideal match. While this may be a comforting ideal, it is important to recognize that the reality is often more challenging. While it is not implausible to encounter such a partner, it is likely to require significant time and effort to foster a compatible relationship and maintain it over time.

It is important to consider what one can offer a potential partner in a relationship. In order for a relationship to be considered fair, both parties must contribute equally. To illustrate this concept, we can consider the example of A. The other person may work in a supermarket, but it is unclear if they are an ordinary employee or a manager. Additionally, their education level is not exceptional. This may not align with the author's criteria for choosing a spouse. If the author were to be with the other person, would your education level be a benefit? What can you offer in your current situation?

The questioner has never taken the initiative to contact him, which is evident from the outset. The fact that the other person is willing to contact the questioner indicates that he has a favorable impression of the questioner and is interested in furthering their acquaintance. If the questioner does not have romantic feelings for him, it is preferable to make this clear to the other person at the earliest opportunity rather than prolonging the uncertainty. With regard to the individual who has a history of domestic violence and the person who displays a tendency to seek maternal approval, the questioner would be well advised to exclude them from further consideration. The objective is to find a partner who is reliable and dependable, not someone who is unreliable and unpredictable.

It is a fallacy to assume that any individual can be considered perfect in their entirety.

It is a fallacy to assume that any individual is without flaws. I am unsure of the protagonist's identity in the story, but it concerns a renowned man who, upon observing an actress, deems her to be flawless and endeavors to woo her. He ultimately succeeds in winning her affections. However, on one occasion when he is at home, he is compelled to use the bathroom and encounters his wife, who has also become an actress, on her way to the bathroom. At that time, his wife was experiencing constipation, which he was unable to accept immediately, resulting in their divorce. He stated that he was unable to reconcile the notion that someone so flawless could also be afflicted with constipation.

We refrain from claiming exceptional qualities, yet we do not disparage ourselves or others lightly. Each individual possesses unique strengths and will ultimately find fulfillment. While circumstances may unfold at a gradual pace, during the interim, it is crucial to avoid settling for a partner who evokes internal resistance. This reluctance can potentially lead to future disagreements.

Ultimately, whether the questioner ultimately selects one of the aforementioned individuals or encounters a more suitable partner at a later point in time, it is only through the acceptance of human imperfection that one can identify an optimal partner with whom one can feel unrestrained and relaxed, and trust their own feelings.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the questioner. Wishing you the best.

Good day,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I've taken the time to read your post carefully, and I can sense the challenges and confusion you're facing from the content.

At the same time, I also noticed that the poster has courageously shared his feelings of distress and has actively sought help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help the poster to gain a deeper understanding of himself and his needs, which will in turn enable him to make more informed choices.

I hope my observations and thoughts on the post will help the poster to look at it from a wider perspective.

1. Restrictive beliefs

From the post, it appears that the poster is facing a dilemma between choosing A or B. It seems that these two individuals may represent the most viable options for her at this time.

I wonder if I might ask the poster whether there is really only these two options. From the post, I observed that the poster mentioned that the poster is 37 years old, a leftover woman, and that there are not many opportunities left for the poster.

From what I can gather, it seems that the poster may be feeling limited by these labels. It's possible that this is influenced by our cultural norms.

I would like to inquire with the original poster about their thoughts on marriage. It seems that some people believe that marriage is a necessity, and that not getting married may result in negative consequences. It appears that they have made not getting married a significant issue.

I believe that marriage could be a solution to this problem. It seems to me that this is a problem-solving mindset.

If we apply this line of thinking to our choices, we may notice that it does not necessarily originate from happiness.

It might be helpful for the original poster to consider what kind of intimate relationship they want.

2. Consider the type of relationship you would like to have.

Often, we may find ourselves uncertain about how to choose because we're unsure of what we truly want. It's not always easy to identify our core needs.

It might be helpful for the host to consider what kind of intimate relationship they want and what their core needs in an intimate relationship are.

In addition, it would be beneficial to consider whether our needs are aligned with reality.

It may be helpful to consider that some of our needs may not align perfectly with reality. By adjusting them, we can make our needs more in line with reality.

I believe this is the only way to increase the probability of success. At the same time, I think it's important to remember that we can't have everything.

As adults, it is important to understand our wants and needs, while also recognizing that we cannot have everything.

It is not possible for anyone to meet all of our needs. Therefore, it is important to focus on our core needs.

Once we have identified your needs, we can then explore ways to fulfill them in the real world. You may even find ways to create satisfaction on your own. I believe this approach could be beneficial for you.

3. Consider seeking help.

Sometimes it can be challenging to identify our core needs. If we're unable to do so on our own, seeking professional guidance might be a valuable option.

It might be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional, such as a marriage and love consultant, who can assist in identifying and addressing your needs through counseling.

Another option to consider is learning on your own. You might find it helpful to take some courses on intimacy. Reading books could also be a beneficial approach.

You might find it helpful to read "Intimacy" by Huang Qituan. "I Wish You Knew Before Marriage" may also be a useful resource.

I hope these suggestions will be of some help and inspiration to you.

Hello, question asker! After reading your text, I can sense that you are a bit frustrated, but I understand that you have not yet found a better option. I would like to ask: Are you willing to consider settling for the rest of your life?

Let's start by discussing the situation. You mentioned that Mr. A works in a supermarket, has a technical secondary school education, is more caring and tolerant of me, and can say sweet nothings. I never initiate contact with him.

The family is of average means.

It seems like it could be a good match. Let's not talk about the children in a divorce, but rather focus on character and values. I believe that's an important aspect to consider. Do you think you share the same values?

Could you please tell me a bit more about his character?

Secondly, you mentioned that Mr. B is a graduate student with a 985/211 GPA and a programmer by trade. It seems that he may have a tendency to rely on his mother for assistance with household tasks, and it's possible that he may also have a somewhat idealized view of the relationship. The family is upper middle class.

It is worth noting that domestic violence during a divorce can result in a seven-day custody arrangement.

While the other person's education level may be something you admire, it's important to consider whether your values align. Have you had the opportunity to discuss the topics that should be discussed before marriage?

If it's a mama's boy, it could potentially lead to a marriage of three people after marriage. Do you think you could accept that?

Then you say, "In fact, neither of the two meets expectations, and there are not many opportunities left for me." From an eugenics perspective, Mr. B meets expectations, but he has some significant psychological challenges that are evident to me.

I wonder if Mr. A's sweet words will make me happy for the rest of my life.

It seems you might be experiencing some conflicting emotions and judgments. If neither of the two is what you truly desire, would you be open to considering a different option?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether settling for the rest of your life just because of your age is a decision you would be willing to make.

Ultimately, when two people are together, it's not just about children or money. It's also about growing together spiritually. Good love is fluid, and love is a verb. It's warm and appropriate, carefully placed.

I wonder what women want when they fall in love.

Perhaps it's not about wealth or appearance.

It might be helpful to consider what women want in a relationship. Perhaps the answer lies in why you got married in the first place. As the saying goes, if one person is happy living alone, they will be even happier living together. This could be a helpful way to think about the true meaning of marriage.

Hello, As a university graduate and the only daughter of a teacher's family working for a central enterprise, I can sense that you have a relatively privileged status and emotional expectations.

A woman who calls herself a "leftover woman" (she should really be a saint) must be confident, independent, and assertive.

As you get older, you have to meet people for various reasons. When you don't have much choice or social support and you're not happy with your options, it's tough to decide. That's why you're here, hoping to get some help. I don't think we should leave important decisions like getting married and having kids to chance. And we shouldn't let anyone else make those decisions for us, even if they're a psychologist.

You've expressed your confusion here, and you're not really looking for a decision, but rather some guidance or understanding. I'll do my best to help you analyze it.

— It's important to know what you're getting into when you get married.

I appreciate your perspective, but the reasons for the current phenomenon of "leftover women" are complex. We won't get into that here, but the solutions are also very different.

But the bottom line is that marriage is for a happier life.

You need to know what you want out of life. A happy life is about two people who are attracted to each other and moving in the same direction.

The first thing to look for on a blind date is whether there's a spark. It's good if you can see eye to eye on the big stuff, like your values and personality.

While the criteria might change as you get older, the basic conditions stay the same. Looking at how you introduced yourself to the two people, I don't think there's a match in terms of how often you interacted. But this is just your initial impression, and you haven't yet gained a deeper understanding.

I think it would be helpful for you to give yourself a little more time to understand things better.

The criteria for choosing a spouse for marriage should be specific. Even though you're not married, I think you also have certain expectations for marriage. Some are concrete, such as education, status, material, spiritual, and other aspects. But when you think about marriage in reality, what do you value more?

I suggest you do two comparative analyses: make a list of the advantageous items and the unacceptable aspects, and compare the two situations. It's important to combine emotion and reason.

Ultimately, it's up to you whether you get married or stay single. You should be responsible for yourself, rather than letting other people's opinions (even your parents') sway you. Don't settle for less, don't make do with less, and strive for happiness. Take the initiative to find it and take control of your happiness. No matter how old you are, true love is always worth waiting for. But it's not a good idea to stand still and wait for fate to take its course.

Two men, neither of whom are your type, both with kids and divorced, make me wonder if your colleague set you up on a marriage-and-love-12889.html" target="_blank">blind date because she had a problem with you. You're highly qualified, so you can find someone better!

Think for yourself!

Girls who are older and unmarried are not alone. My friend got married at 38 to a man who was 43.

Sometimes the man is younger than the woman! My in-laws are an example.

If you're not married, date men who aren't married. Your colleagues should know this.

Have you thought about why you want to get married?

I don't understand what you feel for these men. Your analysis is calm, like going to the supermarket to buy groceries. You're not satisfied, though.

My dear girl, marriage is forever. You can't just go back to the store if one item doesn't taste right. You should be comfortable with your partner, have common interests, get along well, and be like partners!

If the other person has children, it's even more complicated. Are you prepared for that?

You asked, "Will sweet words make me happy?" I think you know the answer. You have never contacted the guy on your own, let alone liked him, so how can you talk about happiness?

You don't share your experiences, so I don't know what happened to you. I think your life is full of bad memories, and you must have many scars. You may not have confidence in yourself.

I hug you. You're not married and will marry late, which is okay. Before the second and third child policy, the state supported marrying and having children late.

When you say "eugenics perspective," do you mean education and income?

Girl, let me ask you a few questions.

Why do you want to get married?

2. What makes you happy?

3. How will you raise your child?

Girl, have you ever thought that the key issue is that you are 37 and still not married?

If you're not happy with your blind date partners, put it aside for now. If you're not in a hurry to have a child, use this time to heal and find a true love.

It's better to wait to get married.

You are your own support system. Love yourself, take responsibility, and choose your partner wisely.

You are good and deserve better.

Don't rush to choose between them.

You can analyze their status.

The first is a college graduate working in a supermarket and is divorced.

He speaks sweet nothings and tolerates your bad temper.

He is divorced, has a low level of education, and not very good family conditions. You haven't mentioned the reason for his divorce. You basically reject him.

If I were him, I'd be nice to you because you're single and have a good life.

The second programmer is divorced.

You like him because he has a high degree, a good financial situation, and a decent family background. But you're scared of his tendency towards domestic violence.

He's also a bit immature and chauvinistic.

You asked, "If you married the first person, would you be happy?" Honestly, I'm not sure.

He can sweet-talk you and put up with your temper, but he may be hiding something. He's not as straightforward as the second one, but the second one is abusive and not worth considering.

If none of them meet your expectations, wait and see. If you force yourself to choose someone acceptable, you'll be unhappy later.

Your expectations don't match up. Some can be adjusted, but not all.

You may want to find someone who is over 1.78 meters tall, good-looking, slightly thin, has a high level of education, and is good-natured. In reality, the other person may be slightly overweight and not quite meet your height and education requirements.

Some things can't be changed. If the person has a history of domestic violence, you can't accept it.

My dear, after reading your question, I really want to get to know you in person. There are not many girls like you in the world who are so clear-headed. You are absolutely amazing!

It's clear to you that people A and B aren't right for you.

Then why are you still struggling? From the text, it can be seen that "leftover women" and "eugenics"...these are all labels that society has put on you, not what you think inside. You just feel that you need to get married to fulfill the mission and task that society has given you.

So, think about it! Do you really want to accept this mission and task? Do you really want to gamble away the rest of your life by marrying just anyone to shut everyone up and take away their prejudice?

Since the article didn't mention the parents' opinions or suggestions, I'm not sure if they're also eager to get the wedding on the fast track. If so, wouldn't rushing into a marriage that's not quite right for them upset the parents?

In fact, I don't need to give you any advice because your own heart is like a mirror and you know what you want and what you don't want!

I just want to tell you: go your own way and let others talk!

I wish you all the happiness in the world! I love you!

Good day. I extend my utmost support and encouragement in this challenging situation.

After carefully considering your question, I have concluded that, were I in your position, I would not select either option.

It appears that these two individuals are not an optimal match, particularly at the age of 37, when one is reasonably well-off and has likely moved beyond romantic illusions about love. It seems increasingly challenging to identify a suitable partner at this stage in life.

Both individuals have been divorced previously and have a son from a previous marriage. It appears that there is no romantic attraction between Mr. A and Ms. B, despite his willingness to tolerate her and provide care and affection.

I believe that his education and work may not meet your expectations. Mr. B's demands and potential domestic violence, as well as possible psychological issues, are reasons for you to reconsider.

It is challenging to make a decision when there are significant differences in opinion and when both parties have identified shortcomings in the other. Given the circumstances, it is understandable that there is reluctance in selecting one option over the other.

We have discussed at length the respective conditions of each party. What are your reasons for marrying and what are your expectations?

If you are unable to answer these two questions, you may be inclined to marry for the sake of it. This approach, if carried over into marriage, may lead to a lack of satisfaction.

If you marry Mr. A, how long will the initial infatuation last? According to authoritative surveys, the average lifespan of a romantic relationship is approximately two years. Therefore, it is difficult to ascertain the longevity of Mr. A's initial romantic interest. Furthermore, marriage is not solely about the initial infatuation; it is also about navigating the challenges of daily life together.

If you marry Mr. B, it is likely that your mother-in-law will present you with challenges from the outset. It is foreseeable that there will be disagreements and conflict within the family.

Please accept my apologies for being direct, but having observed a considerable number of such families, I am unable to offer a positive assessment.

The question must be asked again: What is your motivation for getting married? What are your expectations from marriage?

I believe that your current state of mind is influenced by three factors: your advancing age, external pressure to marry, and your desire to have a child. I advise you to alter your mindset and view marriage as your own choice, rather than as a result of external pressure.

It is essential to view marriage as a personal decision, a compromise with society, and an alternative to following the crowd. It is also crucial to recognize that marriage is a personal choice.

You can remind yourself that you have chosen to enter into a marriage, and that you are prepared to manage it effectively.

Secondly, it is important to have confidence in your ability to manage a marriage.

It is evident that many individuals lack the requisite skills to effectively manage a marriage. The ability to love and to coexist harmoniously with another person is a fundamental capacity. However, this capacity is further enhanced when one is able to navigate the complexities of a family unit.

First, be a good person yourself. Second, find another good person. Third, manage the relationship with all your heart. Fourth, don't have too many expectations. Fifth, you can get by with just so-so days.

Thirdly, it is important to recognise that attempting to change another person is unproductive.

It is crucial to understand that just as we do not want to be changed, others do not want to be changed either. However, people can influence each other over time.

Getting along with others is a process of mutual compromise and mutual adjustment. It would be beneficial to gain some insight into the dynamics of palace intrigues. While it is unlikely that any couple will be perfect, learning to navigate these dynamics can help to ensure a peaceful coexistence.

Fourth, identify a suitable partner who does not irritate you.

While not the optimal choice, this individual is at least someone you do not dislike and do not wish to avoid. This is likely the most challenging aspect.

While awaiting a resolution, it is important to maintain a healthy lifestyle, expand your horizons, and maintain a positive outlook.

As a psychological counselor, I experience periods of depression and optimism. I extend my love and appreciation to the world.

If neither of you meets expectations, then you don't have to choose between the two of you. The good news is that you will definitely meet someone who meets your expectations!

You have great conditions, and it's possible that the people around you are pushing you to make a decision, but it's really not a good idea to rush into settling on a marriage partner.

Self-confidence is key! Don't rush into anything. You deserve the best, and you'll find it!

And you will definitely meet someone better!

A 37-year-old single woman has her own special charm at this age. What's more, you have a very good education and work for a very good company. Your parents are both teachers, so you come from a scholarly family, which is very popular in the marriage market.

Don't worry about what others think! You have to live your life on your own terms. Have enough self-confidence and go for it!

This is so important! A confident woman is the most attractive.

If you make a hasty choice and get into a messy marriage, it's really better to be single! In the end, the same people will still gossip, but you can just change the subject in your mind. You have to live your life yourself, and it's going to be great!

You really don't have to care about what other people think! Just live your life to the fullest, whether you're single or married. Just listen to your heart!

It's time to find the right person to marry or a lover to spend the rest of your life with!

You must have thought about the conditions for choosing a spouse over and over again. When you are young, you may have a lot of conditions, but as you get older, you may become more and more anxious, and your conditions will continue to drop. In the end, you are basically looking at factors that have nothing to do with love, such as "being able to tolerate me, take care of me, and give birth to healthy children."

The two men you describe are both talking about the other person's conditions and actions, but they don't mention your own feelings. So, which one do you prefer?

You would never, ever contact Mr. A!

Mr. B is a mama's boy who has high expectations of you and a history of domestic violence.

From the description in the text, I get the impression that you're not too keen on either of them. But hey, they're still options!

Then you get to ask yourself if you really want to find someone who is suitable in every way. And it's okay if you don't like them!

So, what is your absolute must-have when it comes to choosing a spouse? And what are the conditions you would never, ever consider?

We all have to think about "what conditions does that person need to meet," and I am willing to consider them. But what conditions are you completely unwilling to consider?

For example, Mr. B's domestic violence. For example, the education and family conditions that are so different from Mr. A's.

When two people fall in love, they may be attracted to a certain characteristic of the other person. But when they get married, they get to learn and grow together! What you may not have minded during your courtship may become a recurring challenge to your patience during the long years of marriage—and that's okay!

The article doesn't mention how long you spent with these two gentlemen or what you went through together. But you can find out if two people are a good match by spending more time together, observing and understanding from daily interactions. Then you can determine your own feelings, and it'll be so exciting to see what you discover!

I really hope you meet the right person soon!

Dear host, My name is Xing Ying, and I am a psychological counselor at One Mind, a national level 3 psychological counseling center.

In a few strokes, you have outlined the significant milestones of your 37 years of life. Your adoptive parents have provided you with a good education, and you currently have a relatively good job.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that you haven't yet met a partner with whom you feel completely satisfied. If you choose one, you may feel a little reluctant and a little scared. If you don't choose, you may feel that you're not getting any younger and that you can't afford to waste any more time. From your words, I can sense a sense of loneliness and helplessness. It seems that you may not have much confidence in marriage.

[About your expectations for marriage]

Marriage is a complex institution with different meanings for different people. It's understandable that your expectations of marriage may have shifted. Perhaps it would be helpful to reflect on what you truly desire from this journey.

After all, starting a new family, becoming a wife and a mother, will all be important experiences in your life that cannot be replaced by anyone else.

[Regarding the choice between A and B]

I must admit that I am a little confused by the huge difference between the two gentlemen. Could I ask what it is about Mr. B that attracts you? Is it just the eugenics angle you mentioned?

Could I ask you to consider whether having a healthy, intelligent child is the only thing you want from marriage?

From the perspective of eugenics, Mr. B meets expectations, but it seems he may have some serious psychological issues, as can be seen.

[Regarding Mr. B: the relationship between eugenics and high educational attainment]

[About Mr. B: The relationship between eugenics and high academic qualifications]

It is often said that children of highly educated parents tend to do better. However, it is important to understand that genetics, and even the inheritance of a high level of education, do not fully explain this phenomenon. Rather, it seems that highly educated parents tend to pay more attention to their own growth and learning, to the education of their children, and to the influence of their words and deeds on their children.

If you consider the impact of married life on your children, you may wish to reflect on the following: even if a man is a 985 or 211 graduate and a "domestic violence" or "mama's boy", what kind of husband and father role might he assume in marriage? And what kind of impact might that have on the children?

[About Mr. A's character]

[About Mr. A's character]

Mr. A works in a supermarket and has a technical secondary school education. He is more caring and tolerant, and he knows how to sweet-talk. I never initiate contact with him. His family is just so-so.

In the last sentence, Mr. B's characteristic is described as "sweet talk," and it seems that "treat me with more care and be more tolerant" may have been omitted.

I'm curious to know your thoughts on whether "being more caring and tolerant" is important, or if there are other reasons that come to mind.

Could I ask which of these two traits you value more?

One might venture to suggest that the secret to happiness is connection, love, and being loved.

I believe it is a natural human need.

Perhaps it is because we want to connect with others that we make friends and want to get married. Could it be that "you never contact him" means that you don't want to contact him, or that you "hope that he will contact" you?

When we recognize that we have a need to connect with others, we can choose to take the initiative to connect with others, which may contribute to our happiness.

It is also important to recognize the need for the ability to be loved.

Happiness is something that is experienced on a personal level. When others show us love and affection, it is important to accept it and embrace it.

Could Mr. A's sweet words make me happy for the rest of my life?

I respectfully disagree.

Ultimately, only you can ensure your own happiness. By embracing the capacity to create happiness, you can unlock the key to your own happiness.

If I might suggest, as long as you have the need to connect with others and the ability to love and be loved, you can achieve happiness.

"I believe that society cannot define me, and that my choices are not limited to A or B."

Some people in our society tend to view these women as "leftover."

It is fair to say that neither of the two choices meets expectations, and there are not many opportunities left for me.

The term "leftover women" is a buzzword used by society to refer to a group of older unmarried women, and it is not a definition of you as an individual. We each have the right to define ourselves.

The term "leftover women" is a buzzword used by society to refer to a group of older unmarried women, and it is not a definition of you as an individual. We each have the right to define ourselves.

Everyone has the right to choose how to live their lives, whether they are single or married. You are not left behind; you have simply chosen the lifestyle that suits you best in the past 37 years. In the future, you will still have choices.

If it doesn't meet expectations, it might be helpful to evaluate whether the expectation can be met, and if it can't, to consider what adjustments could be made.

I wonder if I might ask your opinion on the matter.

I believe that by following your heart, whether you choose neither of the two or choose one of the two, you will be more willing to take responsibility for your choice and face it positively in the future. What are your thoughts on this?

I believe that by following your heart, whether you choose neither or one of the two, you will be able to take responsibility for your choice and face it in a positive way in the future. What do you think?

In her book, The Intimacy Course, Lin Wentse suggests that marriage is a gift for those who have reached a certain level of maturity. She believes that this level of maturity is characterised by the complete development of five human characteristics: our own sense of security, sense of worth, need to connect with others, ability to love and be loved, and independence.

I believe that by continually working on ourselves in these areas, we can become "people who make themselves happy."

Dear, It's important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all answer to your question. Every choice we make and action we take has the potential to bring happiness or unhappiness into our lives. It's up to us to decide which path we want to take and to trust that our happiness is in our hands. Bless you!

I would like to extend my love and best wishes to you and the world.

Girl, the second guy is bad news. He's been arrested for domestic violence. Think you can marry him and it won't happen again? Even if he has a degree, is a programmer, and is well-off, are you willing to gamble your future personal safety for the material conditions in front of you?

What if he gets beaten up and then divorces you?

You can't borrow a high IQ.

Intelligence tends to average out. Look at the average intelligence of a family, not just one person, to see if it's high. Otherwise, your children may not inherit a high IQ.

Which qualities are more important than intelligence for success? How many people with high emotional intelligence and resilience who are average in intelligence will win?

Why did he contact you? He knew you wouldn't respond.

You're better than him. You have a better education, a better job, and you're single. He's divorced.

He has to chase you because you're better than him.

He can behave like this because it's instinctive. Think about whether he'll show his true colors when he's won you over, you're married, and the deal is done.

What is his true character? Isn't he acting this way because you're treating him like a dog?

If he is kind and supportive, think about whether you can accept that he is less well-off than you.

Can you accept a man who is nice but mediocre, with no career aspirations and a lower level than yours, for the long term? Will you feel you've lost out and been a sacrifice?

Think twice if you feel this way.

What can you do since neither is a good person?

Don't let others define your value.

Girl, don't let anyone tell you that you're too old. Take control of your life.

Others will define you by how you see yourself.

Men can be ordinary but confident. Women have to be outstanding but inferior. Why?

People still think women's value is based on childbearing. Women do more than bear children and take care of the home. They also work and earn money. Men also try to limit women's value to childbearing.

If women think this way, they are being manipulated by the collective. "Leftover women" are not leftovers; they are "holy women." They are women who have chosen to remain single because they cannot find a suitable partner.

2. Find people who share your interests.

Women should not look for someone based on external conditions. They should look for someone who shares their interests.

Study psychology and learn how men and women interact. Work through your own issues.

If they lack love, they learn to love themselves. Love yourself first, and then love others.

To win at life, you need desire and self-discipline. The stronger your desire for a happy life, the stronger your motivation to change.

If you don't want to choose from the people around you, keep working, improve your abilities, and learn more.

3. I won't settle for less.

People with this mentality usually find spouses who are more successful. Women who focus on their careers have the best lives.

They are calm and composed.

They are mentally independent, which makes them charming. They don't need to show too much neediness or let men feel too dependent. They live as their own queens.

4. Think of yourself as a growing person.

A woman's value grows with age. Do you want to live your life like a flower or a tree?

We've seen many women set an example for us. They are strong, beautiful, and strong heroines. Live like this, and you'll attract this kind of person.

Life isn't just about two options. There are other choices. The most important thing is to take control.

Come on!

Good day, question asker.

After reviewing your inquiry, I understand your concerns about selecting a life partner. Currently, the term "leftover women" has gained prominence in social discourse, leading to the emergence of a distinct group of individuals, often labeled as "leftover women."

It is important to note that this group of individuals often possesses a number of positive attributes. The original poster, for instance, is a prime example of this group, with excellent personal and familial circumstances. It is therefore unfair to define this group of people based solely on their age.

From the question title, it appears that the questioner is facing a dilemma between two options. The question includes details about the questioner's background, including being an only child, an undergraduate student, employed at a central enterprise, having been adopted, and having adoptive parents who are teachers.

The parents are advancing in age, and the OP is an only child. The significant event of marriage is indeed placing considerable pressure on the OP. However, given the OP's qualifications, she is well-positioned to identify a suitable candidate.

The questioner is aware that neither of the two individuals in question represents an ideal dating partner, yet they believe that their sole viable option is between these two. What factors contribute to this perception?

Is there a way for the OP to expand his options and create more opportunities to meet and interact with people who are a good match for his abilities?

For example, some of these services can be found on dating websites. Before making a choice, it is important to understand one's own qualities and preferences. What qualities should your ideal partner possess?

I would like to share with the original poster a piece of Mr. Inamori Kazuo's advice to young people on choosing a spouse: "How to choose a partner: pouring you a glass of water, buying a barbecue in the middle of the night, these are not rare species. The reality is that some people are moved to death and life by this kind of low-cost dedication."

The most valuable resources are the other person's communication skills, knowledge, perspective, ability to control the situation, and emotional stability. These advantages should not be underestimated. The cost of developing these specific qualities is high, and they are not easy to come by.

The optimal spouse is a strategic partner in navigating the challenges of life, not a source of complacency and dependency.

I hope my reply will be of some assistance to the original poster. Best regards,

Choose B.

Hello, question asker.

You said A was gentle and considerate, and B was problematic.

If you thought that, you wouldn't have compared them and asked this question.

"I never contacted him" shows how you feel about A.

Your comment "choose B from an eugenics perspective" is interesting. You're already considering having children with him, so you may not reject him.

Second, "eugenics" is a very cute reason. You're 37 years old, and even if you hurry, you'll still be an older mother. "Eugenics" really isn't a topic that favors you. The essence of this topic is who you want to have a child with.

Let's talk about something heartbreaking.

They haven't overcome all obstacles.

They are both people who have been through a failed marriage and are trying to find happiness again.

Flaws are the most real part of everyone's appearance.

You call yourself an "older spinster."

There's nothing wrong with being a "leftover woman." I wouldn't get married if I were a woman.

As a "leftover woman," you think there aren't many options left.

Is that your choice?

People guess at the human heart with little info, hoping for a happy end.

Be honest with yourself.

You'll be happy in the end.

Hello!

First, I see that you say that none of the current potential partners meet your expectations. So, what exactly are your expectations, and do you have a clear and specific set of requirements?

If there is one, and it doesn't meet expectations but is closer to what you want, it's still a good choice. In relationships, I'm afraid of narcissistic demands like "going with the flow" and "understanding me," because in reality, there is simply no way to find them.

Assuming you can only choose from these two, I can give you some pointers to think about.

First, income. If your income is enough to support your spending, then this item can be ignored. Having a high income is better, but it's not a dealbreaker.

If there's a difference between your income and your desired lifestyle, it's important to think about your income. Second, education.

I don't think a degree is everything, but it can show how smart someone is. So instead of focusing on education, it's better to see if they're still interested in learning and what they're interested in learning.

People who love to learn are usually not problematic. Third, you need to think about whether you can accept the mama's boy and whether you can handle the mama's boy's mother. If not, it's probably best to find someone else.

The mama's boy's dependence on his mother will continue unless one of them goes to the other world. 4. The future mode of getting along with your in-laws is that their present situation is most likely your future.

Finally, at 37, you can relax a bit. From an eugenics standpoint, you've already passed the optimal childbirth age of 35, so it's not a big deal if you wait a year or two.

If you're not sure how to choose, it's a good idea to clarify your emotional needs. Then, find the ones you like best, describe them clearly and concisely, and follow the clues. Your Mr. Right is easy to find.

I wish you all the best!

Hello, I can tell you're anxious, impatient, and reluctant.

From your description of the two men and your choices,

You want to make a choice but are anxious and restless because you can't make the right one.

You're also a very rational girl.

You want to make a choice, but you also feel like you shouldn't choose between the two too easily.

It's great that you're aware and taking action.

Why do you think you don't have much time left?

What makes you feel like time is running out? What makes you want to get married?

Is it society's pressure to be seen as a failure, or the pressure to consider eugenics?

Think about whether you should worry about what others think.

Will getting married later affect our kids?

Who has this time been reserved for you? Do you have to keep it? What happens if you don't?

You have a better choice.

Your anxious mindset makes you feel you must choose between the two in a short time.

Is that really true? Do you have to choose between them?

Is there another option?

What does marriage mean to you?

You value eugenics.

You think education is good for children, but you're also worried about his violent tendencies.

A violent tendency is bad for you and your future children.

You ask, will Mr. A's words make you happy forever?

Your adoption experience may make you feel insecure and afraid of being abandoned. This may make you feel that your happiness depends on others.

You seem to have forgotten that you can make yourself happy. Happiness doesn't depend on other people. You are not the child you once were, and you can still make yourself happy.

You don't have to get married right away. You deserve a better life.

P.S. Be careful with colleagues who introduce you to boyfriends.

Hello, my dear friend! I've got a rose for you.

I read your post and I totally get where you're coming from.

I know you're 37, unmarried, and an only child, and that your parents also adopted you. I'm sure society has made you feel like a "leftover woman," but I know you're better than that!

No matter how old you are, you can find someone who shares your values.

And don't forget, age is also our experience, our true selves, and our growth!

I know you're feeling the pressure of marriage and your age, but I'm here to tell you that you can still maintain your attitude. Don't let other people's opinions or the label of "leftover woman" get you down. You've got this!

You've taken a good look at them and realized that neither of them is quite what you're looking for. It's okay to feel a little worried that your window of opportunity might be closing.

Mr. B is a lovely guy, but he does have some serious psychological problems. Many people have told me that it can be tough to be with a mama's boy, and that it's probably best to avoid him because he has a tendency to be violent towards his partners.

Mr. A works in a supermarket and has a technical secondary school education. It seems that he might not be the best match for you, sweetie. Do you have a common language? When it comes to big or small matters, he might come across as a bit superior.

You never reached out to Mr. A on your own, maybe because you didn't click with him as much as you'd hoped.

I'll give you a warm hug.

Will Mr. A's sweet words make you happy for the rest of your life?

It's clear that Mr. A takes good care of you, is very tolerant, and speaks sweet nothings. These are all great things! But you're still not sure if this is the right choice for you. I get it! Sometimes, we can be a little hesitant when it comes to relationships. Maybe you feel like Mr. A and you aren't the perfect match, and you're worried about getting older and missing out on other opportunities. I can relate!

I'm actually 27, and my parents have been pressuring me to get married for a few years now, which is a bit annoying. But I haven't given up hope! I'm just looking for someone who understands me, someone who likes me, someone who is tolerant, someone who is like-minded, and someone who will respond to me in everything I do. Someone who will always look at me and care about me.

So, my dear friends, we must all love and cherish ourselves. We mustn't let this pressure make us feel bad about ourselves, thinking that no one will marry us. We just haven't met the right person.

fifthly, when it comes to judging people, it's so important to consider their character.

You know what? You already have the answer in your heart, and you can make the decision you want to make. When it comes to judging people, it's all about character. Marriage is a big deal, so don't let your family's pressure to get married or social labels make you lose sight of what's important to you.

I truly believe that you will meet someone who will cherish you.

You're such a good person, and you'll meet someone even better!

I love you, and I think the world does too!

I really do wish you a happy marriage!