I'm a 25-year-old woman who cares a lot about what other people think. I don't want to be like this anymore, what should I do?

Hello. I am Bai Li Yina, the answerer. I will provide you with warmth and help in my reply.

The questioner revealed that she is particularly concerned about what others think of her. In the family, she cannot tolerate her parents' behavior if she doesn't like it. Socially, she is possessive of her friends and struggles to accept that they have other good friends. She experiences intense pain and wants to distance herself from them. In terms of studies, the mentality of competition makes it impossible for her to treat them normally, and she even wants to secretly check their grades. You feel that these behaviors are abnormal and have caused you pain and self-blame. How can you control this situation?

[Situation analysis]

You have a strong sense of right and wrong and self-awareness. You understand the reasoning, but you just can't control yourself. You feel very painful about this. It doesn't matter whether it's at home, among friends, or at school. Everything is going wrong. What you expect and the reality can't be reconciled. You have done a lot of things against your inner feelings, such as peeping and jealousy. Afterwards, you will criticize and blame yourself. The negative emotions are like a snowball, getting bigger and bigger. You really hope to get out of this predicament. Here, I give you a warm hug. You are better than you think. Let's take a look at the reasons that make you suffer.

[Questions to provoke deeper thinking]

1. You care about what your parents think, but you know they don't care about what you think. What are your expectations behind caring?

Tell me, what were your emotions when you heard your parents say that you were bad? In addition to anger, I want to know if you felt disappointment and sadness.

2. What are the main topics of conversation between parents and relatives? You believe it is wrong to discuss other people's private matters. Do you think your parents are aware of how this behavior has affected you and your younger brother?

If parents can't have their own circle of friends without talking about it, they will feel as much pain as you do now.

3. When did you first realize that you and your parents were playing mind games with each other? How did you get along before that?

Tell me, at that time, did you feel that your parents loved you?

4. If a friend you care about is also nice to other people, you will feel sad. What emotion makes you feel this way? Is it a sense of loss from being ignored, or a sense of hatred from jealousy?

You need to tell the other person why you went from cherishing the relationship to not wanting to reply. You demand that you can only have a close girlfriend and that you should regard the other person as your only one. You have to admit whether you've ever broken this rule.

5. Does the competitive mentality of studying motivate you to move forward? Of course it does. You care about these things. You compare yourself to others to become better than the people you care about. When did this mentality begin?

Tell me, when did you feel like you were crossing the line from initially wanting to compare to spying? Did you feel happy after finding out?

[Recommended method to try]

A positive outlook on life is a good thing. It is a compliment to say that a person really has a positive outlook on life. But why does this strength bring you so much pain? The problem is that your demands are not for yourself, but for your family, friends, and competitors. Your family's actions that do not conform to your outlook on life will cause arguments between you, your friends' lack of loyalty will make you resent them, and your competitors cannot do better than you. This pain is your desire.

The stronger the desire, the more pain and pressure one endures. However, at the same time, the faster you can improve yourself. You must control your desires within a range you can bear. When you feel too much pain and don't want to continue, it means the pain has accumulated to a level that requires change. You have activated a protective mechanism that will help you change.

It's infuriating when your parents and relatives pry into your personal affairs. It's wrong and disgusting. So why do older generations use this tactic to bond? It's likely a generational difference in thinking. To them, discussing their children's shortcomings is humble. They bring up trivial matters to bond, empathize, strengthen feelings, and relieve depression. This is a habit passed down to maintain family ties.

Tell them how you feel. Express your thoughts and emotions. You can't force someone to change. Having expectations of someone else changing is a recipe for disaster. It will lead to disappointment and arguments.

Parents' behavior is shaped by the times and their upbringing. It may not be in line with your values, but that doesn't mean your parents don't love you. Shift your focus from their shortcomings and expectations to their strengths and the little things. Tell yourself, "My parents have shortcomings, they are imperfect, and they cannot fully meet my expectations, but that doesn't affect the fact that they love me and I love them."

You care about your friends and want them to care about you. You crave attention and love, and you're reluctant to share it with others. You want to be the only one who can enjoy special treatment. When your expectations aren't met, you feel like the other person doesn't care about you, doesn't like you as much as you think, and there's no need for you to make any more efforts.

You know your expectations of your friends are unreasonable. Perhaps you also have two close friends at the same time, and if you have to choose between them, you will also be very difficult. You understand your best friend's actions but cannot accept the result. You are afraid of being hurt, so you choose to push the other person away and expect to find a friend who is only good to you.

You have always had a friend, and that is yourself. You must pay the most attention to your own feelings and be most concerned about your emotions. Make yourself better, just as you are now asking for help. The only thing you have been expecting has actually always been there; you just haven't noticed it. Shift your expectations of others onto yourself and satisfy your own needs so that you can feel full of love.

Your competitive spirit gives you a sense of urgency, which helps you not to slack off in your studies and thus become better. This mentality is not bad. If you feel like you're spying on the other person's grades, you need to ask yourself: has your behavior caused harm to the other person? If not, then all condemnation and guilt comes from within you.

If this competitive mood causes you to fall behind and regress seriously, you must compare it with your original test scores. You cannot simply claim that it has affected your studies based on a feeling. If it has, you must examine your own heart and mind. What are you afraid of? What harm has being outperformed by the other person caused you?

What are your expectations and hopes for yourself? Be honest with yourself. Are they realistic?

You need to keep exploring the right level of stress for you. How do you feel if you lower your expectations?

These methods will help you.

You will get through this. It will take time and patience, but you will get through it. Don't worry or be afraid. Many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems, and you will get through this too.

The world and I are with you. You are not alone. I am certain that you will find an early solution to the fog in your heart and find your own most comfortable state.

I appreciate those who have liked and commented on my posts. I wish you peace and joy.

I can feel the depression, grievance, anger, and confusion in the questioner's heart. The questioner's description of the situation confirms that the questioner does have serious psychological problems. Automatic thinking is obvious, inner conflicts are intense, and the mental state is significantly affected. The lack of awareness and understanding of emotional feelings in the heart cannot be explained in a few words.

Overly caring about what others think of you is a desire to know how others view and evaluate you and to understand yourself from the perspective of others. It is also a desire to gain the attention, recognition, and acceptance you want from others to satisfy your emotional needs. The questioner must consider whether he always cares about others because he wants to get these things from others.

Accept your true self. Accept that this is who you are now. Allow yourself to be in this state. Shift your attention to yourself. Pay attention to your emotions and feelings. Understand your heart's needs. See what you can do to satisfy your needs in this moment.

People often lack a clear understanding of their own abilities. They think they can't do this or that, or that they can do this but not that. They're wrong. Their abilities are more about what is suppressed and what is released. It's like breathing while walking. You don't realize it, or you're deliberately paying attention, but your nasal cavity and abdomen will automatically inhale and exhale, and your legs will automatically take steps forward and avoid risks.

Many people are unaware of their own power to protect themselves and improve their lives. Similarly, the questioner also has these abilities, as well as other unknown abilities, and is using them.

The questioner can pay attention to others while living their own lives. They can also pay attention to themselves while paying attention to others, pay attention to others while paying attention to themselves, and pay attention to their inner selves while paying attention to their external lives.

The questioner should also consider finding a suitable psychological counselor for formal psychological counseling. This will help them face these troubles together with the support and encouragement of the counselor's regular and stable companionship. These are personal opinions for the questioner's reference only.

Dear host, I am Xian Xianren, a psychological counselor.

After reading your words, I can tell you are struggling with internal conflicts. I can help you work through them. Let's talk more about this next time.

First of all, you are sensitive and hostile towards your parents because you are insecurely attached to them.

EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) asserts that the quality of relationships with loved ones and the emotional deprivation experienced as a child are key factors that affect a person's personality development and usual interaction patterns with others.

This needs to be understood. The quality of our relationships with our dependents directly affects the health of our personality and the state of our interactions with others. Having close relationships nourishes people's mental and emotional health.

If we cannot effectively connect in intimate relationships, it will lead to a sense of increased pressure, which will have a negative impact on our body's immune system, endocrine system, and ability to recover. This causes physical and mental discomfort, which will continue to affect our relationships and create an inextricable vicious cycle.

Looking back at your situation, I can help you understand this better. If your parents often talked about your privacy with outsiders during the process of raising you, it is bound to make you feel invaded, uneasy, angry, and ashamed.

If this boundary is never erected or protected, this desire for a sense of security will always remain in the subconscious. Unconsciously, we will always be thinking of ways to deal with this form of formal peace of mind, such as finding out about other people's situations and whether they are better than ourselves.

This is a temporary painkiller that has the effect of drinking poison to quench thirst. If we generalize this need to friends, it becomes an addiction that you cannot let go of.

If this situation has been going on for a while and is getting in the way of your social development, you should seriously consider getting some in-depth counseling or therapy.

Secondly, when we encounter uncontrollable patterns of behavior, we must pay more attention to some of our inner emotional needs and find a breakthrough from this part.

You said it lies in your inner part, prone to a sense of "jealousy" and "comparison with others." Let's look at the underlying mechanism, the trigger, and the core reason.

Avoidance is a defense mechanism that occurs when we try to get positive attention but fail to get it. This results in the pain of loss and frustration. While the original intention was to protect oneself, avoidance has overdone it, resulting in many side effects.

The respondent has some suggestions for how you can break out of this situation.

1. Identify your pain and anxiety.

On the road to self-healing, you must find the antidote before the pain.

When you feel angry and ashamed, speak to yourself in a gentle, reassuring way. Allow yourself to feel your feelings and communicate with your inner self in a caring and comforting manner.

2. Create more life experiences that feel safe and increase positive connections.

You should reach out to others, such as communicating with more positive and optimistic friends, to gain emotional support and connections, slowly increase your sense of security in dealing with people, and ease anxiety and tension. This is more effective than trying to avoid people, which will not help you.

Avoidance is not a preferred strategy. It can even affect our chances of getting positive energy.

3. Get professional counseling.

The host mentioned that we should pay special attention to whether the inability to control the thoughts of "peeping" and "jealousy" has become a compulsive repetition caused by anxiety. If this is the case, we need to seek professional counseling and treatment.

You will see problems and solve them, and the sooner you do, the clearer and more understanding you will be of your inner core needs.

4. You must do more relaxation exercises to increase your core and reduce internal friction.

Running, swimming, yoga, and meditation are all excellent ways to improve your sensitivity to inner awareness. This step will give you an objective perspective on yourself, allowing you to observe yourself more effectively.

Read this book: Attachment and Intimacy by Sue Johnson.

I hope you find this personal view helpful. Thank you for meeting me!

Dear friend, I empathize with your situation. The emotional fluctuations and psychological challenges you are confronting are prevalent among individuals as they mature. Your sentiments are understandable, yet there are techniques that can enhance your psychological well-being.

Firstly, with regard to familial relationships, communication between family members is frequently complex, particularly with regard to matters of personal privacy. It may be beneficial to engage in an open and honest dialogue with one's parents, wherein one can express their feelings and their need for privacy.

Additionally, it is important to recognize that parents may have a tendency to discuss family matters, which is not necessarily indicative of disrespect.

Secondly, with regard to friendships, it is natural to experience feelings of neglect or replacement. However, it is important to recognise that everyone has the right to choose their own friends, and that this does not diminish the value of their friendship to the individual in question.

It is advisable to expand one's social network in order to reduce the level of reliance on a small number of friends.

With regard to social media, interactions on such platforms have been observed to exacerbate feelings of insecurity. In the event that one finds oneself preoccupied with concerns regarding the online activities of others, it is recommended to reduce one's time spent on social media and instead prioritize engagement in real-world interactions.

Although it is not uncommon to compare oneself to others in the context of learning and personal growth, doing so can impede one's personal development. It is therefore advisable to concentrate on one's own goals and progress, rather than on the achievements of others.

It is important to remember that everyone's pace of life and path to success is unique.

In conclusion, if these emotions and behaviors are affecting one's daily life, it may be beneficial to seek professional mental health support. A mental health professional can assist in exploring the root causes of these feelings and provide more specific strategies to improve overall mental health.

It should be noted that requesting assistance is an indication of fortitude, and transformation is a process that requires time and tolerance. We extend our best wishes to you.

Hello, my dear friend! I am Coach Yu from Xin Tan. I have taken the time to read your words and I can see how distressed and sad you are. Let's talk about it together!

1. I'm really curious, why do you care so much about what other people think?

Let's start with a sense of security. Maslow's theory says that a sense of security is all about feeling confident, safe, and free from fear and anxiety. It's also about feeling satisfied with your needs in the present and the future.

If we grow up in an environment where we feel insecure, where there is a lot of dislike, hatred, annoyance, accusations, punishment, neglect, etc., and where we cannot trust or rely on others, we will have a lot of hostile experiences. These experiences will often affect us until we grow up, and they will spread to all kinds of other relationships, making us worry all the time and even feel that the surrounding relationship environment is full of insecurity and hostility. I know it can be tough, but you're not alone!

As the questioner wrote, my parents always whispered about me when I wasn't around, which made me itch a bit.

It's so common for our feelings about relationships to be influenced by how we feel about ourselves and others. For instance, if we feel like there are lots of things about ourselves that aren't so great, or even that we're not so good in many ways, it's easy to worry that other people just don't like us, hate us, or even that they'll punish or attack us. At times like this, we tend to care a lot about other people's opinions and feelings, and we might even blame ourselves for our inadequacies or shortcomings.

As you wrote, my home gives me the feeling of daily intrigue and strife. I can relate!

But we must have the courage to look forward, because Adler once said that the life experiences of childhood are not of much use to us, and what is decisive is the perception and meaning we attach to the experiences.

2. We all have different degrees of inferiority complex, because we all want to make ourselves better and lead a better life. It's only natural! But people live in comparison, and comparison sometimes brings confidence, and sometimes brings inferiority. When comparison brings inferiority, a negative self will slowly form, and the self-image will begin to distort, followed by cognition, emotions, and out-of-control behavior.

As you wrote, I always find myself spying on and envying people at the same level, afraid that they are better than me. I think this may be caused by some of the reasons why we have a low self-evaluation.

3. It's so important to let our negative emotions out when we feel them, otherwise they can really start to affect our self-esteem. We can end up paying more attention to the comments of others, and start to believe the voices in our heads that tell us we're not good enough. I can relate to what you wrote, I really feel like I'm unwell. I deleted all their messages, but the jealousy always comes back.

These are the root causes of the pain that you're currently holding inside.

2. I'd love to share some thoughts with you that I think you'll find helpful.

1. The first thing we need to do is stop labeling ourselves as "sick" or "bad" and start getting to know ourselves again. Try writing down your strengths and weaknesses, and give yourself some well-deserved praise. When you're recording your shortcomings, you can say to yourself, "I may have shortcomings, but I love and accept myself." With repeated practice, you'll slowly start to build up your self-confidence.

2. It's also really important to relax our minds. When we're setting learning goals, it's a great idea to check if they fit with the SMART principle. This is especially true when we're facing some practical circumstances and objective factors. Breaking down big goals into small ones can give us a wonderful sense of control and efficacy. This will help us feel like we can do it! And when we do, we can reward ourselves. This could be anything from treating ourselves to a nice meal to buying a small gift for ourselves. Let's connect the feelings of learning and happiness to form a virtuous cycle and positive reinforcement. This is because change takes time and patience. We need to be prepared for a long battle, but we can do it!

3. These things have been affecting your daily life, and we're here to help. You can talk to a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must be expressed to relieve the heaviness and blockages in our hearts.

4. You are the only one who can give yourself self-efficacy. You are strong when you tap into your inner strength. You are worthy just as you are. When you are at your best, the world is at its best.

I'd like to suggest that we watch the movie Forrest Gump together.

Topic author, you're doing a great job! Try to see the positive in the situation.

From your description, I can sense that you're experiencing some internal conflict and a lack of understanding about your own behavior. I'm here to support you and offer a listening ear.

Perhaps we could talk about this together?

1. Please try to interpret your behavior.

You are sensitive to your parents' opinions, particularly if they are negative. You value your parents' views and hope that they will offer praise, recognition, and appreciation.

You would like to be seen as excellent and well-behaved in the eyes of your relatives, and for them to be able to praise you. You care about your parents and would like them to care about you and value you.

And at the same time, they respect you, accept you, and tolerate you. Is that correct?

You value your friendships and at the same time want to be important to your friends. This can make it uncomfortable when they become close to someone else and share photos of hanging out with them in their circle of friends. Is this something you can relate to?

"Then I don't want to contact them at all, I don't reply to messages." What you're actually doing is trying to confirm your importance to them, hoping that they will value you and care about you.

It's understandable to feel this way. We all want to be liked, valued, cared for, loved, recognized, respected, accepted, and understood.

This is a common psychological need among humans, and there is no reason to feel ashamed. You also deserve to be noticed and valued.

In the context of academic comparisons, it is understandable to feel a sense of envy and to compare yourself with individuals at a similar level, concerned that they may have surpassed you in a particular area. It is important to recognize that these differences may be temporary and not indicative of a permanent shift in abilities.

Do you ever worry that others might not value you as much as you would like?

Perhaps the reason you care so much about other people and behave in the ways you do is that you actually want other people to care about you. It's possible that your internal sense of inadequacy is causing you to want to be valued, cared for, recognized, appreciated, affirmed, and loved.

This is why you may find yourself continuing to engage in certain behaviors that you find confusing, even though you know they are not the best way to behave. Hugs!

2. Try to find ways to satisfy your needs.

I imagine that during your childhood, your parents may not have offered you as much praise as you might have liked, and that they may have sometimes ignored you, compared you with other children, and scolded you. This could have made you feel inferior, sensitive, jealous, and unhappy inside, don't you think? As a child, you may not have had the opportunity to develop your abilities, and you may not have had a clear enough understanding of yourself. Your parents, as your significant others, may have formed an important part of your subconscious self-image.

It is only natural that you would care about what they say about you, and this would extend to caring about what the people around you say about you.

If you would like to care less about what other people say, it would be helpful to have a clear understanding and position of yourself. It may be beneficial to understand that other people's comments are only their perspective of you, and that they do not represent the whole picture of who you are.

For this reason, it is important to recognize that these comments are incomplete and may not fully reflect the truth. By identifying your inner needs and learning to satisfy them, you can develop a stronger sense of self-worth and clarity about your position in the world. This will help you to respond more thoughtfully to the actions and comments of others.

When you feel emotions within yourself and care about what others say and do, it might be helpful to remind yourself to look within. You could say something like, "I am self-sufficient within. I have grown up now, I have the ability to love and protect myself, I have my own strengths and talents, I am unique and I don't need to compare myself with anyone."

Affirmations such as "I am important and I am safe" can be helpful when you are trying to build your inner strength. When you do things that satisfy you, respect your feelings, and value your inner strength, you will gradually increase your inner energy.

Because you have the capacity to believe in yourself and to satisfy your own needs.

3. Try to understand others

It is important to remember that regardless of how your parents treated you, they were doing their best at the time, given their limited understanding and actions. While their words and actions may have been hurtful or inappropriate,

It's important to remember that despite their actions, they still love you. They may not realize the impact of their words and actions, which can cause harm. It's essential to understand their limitations and, if possible, express your emotions to them consistently. This can help them become aware of their words and actions and understand their effect on you.

You may wish to consider expressing yourself to your parents, and perhaps also to your friends, so that they can gain a deeper understanding of who you are. With regard to strangers, it might be advisable to exercise a degree of caution in this regard.

It would be beneficial to start by trying to understand our parents and to recognize that the people around us will have their own choices and behaviors. At the same time, it might be helpful to work on satisfying ourselves internally, so that we will be less surprised by other people's words, deeds, and comments.

If you have a strong sense of inner strength and a clear understanding of yourself, you will be less influenced by external voices.

It is important to recognize that different parenting styles have their own limitations. As a result, we may all experience varying degrees of psychological nutritional deficiencies. As adults, we have the responsibility to take ownership of our words and actions, as well as our lives. This gives us the opportunity to serve as our own spiritual parents and re-parent our inner children.

It might be helpful to consider that if you want your parents to change and satisfy you, they are getting older and their perceptions are becoming more fixed. It's possible that unless they realize it themselves and take the initiative to change, it is unlikely that they will. It might be more beneficial to focus on growing from within than seeking external solutions. Believing in yourself and having the ability to love yourself and be an internally rich person could be valuable.

If you feel it would be helpful, you can also consider speaking with a professional counselor.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you the best!

Hello, dear questioner!

From your question, I can tell that you care a lot about what others think. It's so great that your parents' opinions are very important to you! I can see that you also like to compare yourself with others. I think the reason for this is that you are afraid of what others will say about you. I can relate to this because I used to be just like you, so I can understand how you feel right now.

Let's chat about how our parents influence our growth. Sometimes, your parents might tell you about your shortcomings in front of you, but this can make you feel angry. Your parents accept your anger, so they might not say anything bad about you in front of you, but they might say something bad about you behind your back. This shows that we don't always accept our shortcomings. When others have negative comments about us, we should think about ourselves to see if this is the case. Sometimes, we can't really know ourselves because we subjectively evaluate ourselves, and objective evaluations are rare. It's also important to learn to accept the views and evaluations of the outside world.

From what you said, it seems like you're always curious about your friends' and classmates' personal lives and like to compare yourself with them. It's totally normal to care about what others think of you, especially when they're doing well. We all have these emotions, and you'll only understand your true self when you recognize them.

I really think you should find a professional counselor to help you understand your inner emotions and how to accept your own shortcomings and flaws. Through some external evaluations, you can objectively look at the problem and accept your own imperfection at the same time. Everyone has an imperfect side, and no one is perfect. It is impossible to have all excellent people. You are an amazing person, and you have so much to offer the world. Accept yourself as an imperfect person, and also accept that you have shortcomings.

I really hope this helps you, sweetie.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to address a few key points that I believe will be of benefit to you. Firstly, I would like to extend a warm greeting to you, the question asker. Secondly, I would like to suggest that you stop caring about other people's stares and comments. Thirdly, I would like to suggest that you start with the following three small things. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on these suggestions. Best regards,

It is important to remember that other people are primarily concerned with how they are perceived by others.

This issue is quite prevalent in China, largely due to the influence of Chinese culture and the advice often imparted by parents during childhood: "Don't concern yourself with what others may think if you do this."

It is possible that you have learned since childhood that you should pay particular attention to other people's opinions. If this is the case, you are not alone in this regard. When solving this problem, you need to reduce self-blame, relax, and solve it step by step.

It should be noted that this issue may require a period of several months to a year to resolve, given that it may have been present for an extended period.

An individual with high self-esteem and confidence is not adversely affected by the opinions of others, as these opinions represent the views of the individuals expressing them, not the individual in question.

Once you recognize that other people's opinions of you are not a reflection of who you are, you can move forward without letting external opinions influence you.

It is advisable to cease concerning yourself with the opinions of others.

We can begin with the following three straightforward steps.

1. Self-acceptance and self-worth

Gain insight into your own personal qualities and how they manifest externally.

In particular, they enhance a sense of self-worth and worthiness.

This ultimately leads to a reduction in dependence on external recognition.

2. Mindfulness practice

Develop an awareness and acceptance of your inner experience.

This will result in a reduction of excessive attention to external evaluations.

Minimize the influence of external evaluations on your decision-making process.

3. Cognitive restructuring

Learn to identify and correct cognitive distortions in a professional context.

By becoming aware of potential biases and misjudgments in their own thinking,

Facilitate a more objective view of oneself and others.

Furthermore, it should result in a reduction of excessive attention paid to the evaluation of others.

Let's talk about parents.

Children love their parents and care about what they think of them. However, when parents say someone is good, they simply mean that person is good and are not comparing you to them.

Let me be clear: no child is unloved. They are all born and raised with great effort. If you want to talk about favoritism, there is definitely a little bit of it. Look at your five fingers: they are all different lengths. And there is favoritism. Not to mention parents.

So, accept them, accept their preferences. When you do, you will see the true love they have for you.

It's time to get real about friends.

First, block the people you have lost contact with. This shows that your energy is no longer a match, and you need to disconnect. This is the natural law.

Reclaim your energy and don't expect too much from anyone. You are the only one who can truly love you, and you must love yourself first.

When you are sick, you will suffer the pain. Nobody can suffer for you.

When you are sad, you can't expect someone else to feel your pain. You have to learn to simplify your problems. And the first step is to love yourself.

Take good care of your body. You get angry and frustrated every day when other people ignore you, but you need to consider how your body feels. You need to know that your internal organs are corroded by your depression.

You asked if they were uncomfortable.

Take some time for yourself. Take a bubble bath. Do the things you like. Eat the food you like. Even if you are alone. Live in the present. Enjoy every moment of eating and sleeping. Your inner strength will naturally return.

I don't recall what you said in the third place.

Anyway, love yourself. Every hair on your head is precious, and live your life as you should.

During our formative years, we are frequently influenced by external evaluations, particularly those from parents and friends. These evaluations often have a significant impact on the development of our identity, so I can fully comprehend your current internal distress.

From the description, it can be concluded that your current distress mainly revolves around two key issues: caring about what others think and jealousy.

First, let's examine why you place such a high value on the opinions of others. This may be due to an unresolved issue with your self-perception. During your formative years, you may have placed undue reliance on the feedback of others to define yourself, which has resulted in an incomplete understanding of your own self-worth.

When you feel ignored, misunderstood, or criticized by your superiors or colleagues, you feel your self-worth being belittled, and you react strongly.

Secondly, you appear to exhibit a pronounced tendency toward possessiveness and jealousy in your interpersonal relationships. This may be influenced by the familial environment in which you were raised. If the parenting style in your family is characterized by a lack of love and respect, coupled with an excessive emphasis on success, victory, and comparison, it may have an adverse impact on your interactions with others.

Your apprehension about losing friends and being outperformed by others makes it challenging for you to cultivate healthy and egalitarian relationships with others.

In response to the current situation, we recommend the following course of action:

1. Enhance self-awareness: Conduct self-reflection and seek psychological counseling to gain insight into your inner needs and values. When you have a deeper understanding of yourself, you will be better equipped to navigate external feedback and opinions.

2. Accept other people's views: It is not possible to control the thoughts and actions of others, but it is possible to learn to accept them. When you hear criticism or misunderstanding from others, remain calm and rational, and do not react emotionally.

It would be beneficial to communicate with them, express your views and feelings, and respect their views in return.

3. Build Healthy Relationships: It is advisable to cultivate relationships with others based on trust, respect, and equality. It is unwise to rely too heavily on the feedback of others when defining one's own identity. Instead, it is important to develop the ability to think and act independently.

When you have healthy relationships with others, you will experience greater levels of happiness and contentment.

4. Seek professional assistance: If you feel that you cannot cope with this psychological distress, you may wish to consider seeking the help of a professional counselor. They can assist you in gaining insight into your inner needs and problems, and in providing effective solutions.

In closing, I would like to reassure you that you are not alone in facing these challenges. Many individuals have experienced similar internal struggles and pain. Through dedication, practice, and self-development, you can gradually overcome these obstacles and become an independent, confident, and happy person.

Hello, question asker! Thank you so much for opening your heart and seeking help on this special platform.

Hi, I'm Jin Yan. I'm a senior participant in the Yixinli Chaoyang Project and an intern consultant for the first consultations.

After reading your words carefully, I feel a bit overwhelmed, and I can hear a gentle voice calling out to me.

I would really love to be respected and supported by my family. I don't want to be criticized, blamed, or schemed against.

I really value helpfulness, but I'm not the best at expressing it. When a friend unfriends me, I feel hurt.

I would love to become good at something, but I'm always worried that I won't be able to do it well.

Therefore, I care a lot about what other people think.

Dear questioner, please take a deep breath and try to calm down. It's okay to listen to the call of your heart.

I want to say to this little voice, "Thank you! It's an honor to meet you. Welcome, welcome!"

It's okay to not be perfect. You're doing great just the way you are! Listen to your heart and try to do what makes you happy. Don't put labels on things you don't give to yourself.

When you do this, it's another chance for you to grow and learn and become the amazing person you were meant to be!

I'm so sorry you're feeling left out. It must be really upsetting to be excluded from your friends' trips. I can understand why you're feeling jealous.

You say that you have a difficult relationship with your family and that you long for respect and support. It's so important to express your needs to your parents when the time is right. You could say:

"Dear Mum and Dad, thank you for raising me for 25 years. I'm all grown up now, and I really hope you can respect my privacy.

As the saying goes, don't wash your dirty linen in public. Please don't tell anyone about my bad things. I know you are worried about me and trying to help me. Thank you for your kindness! I really appreciate it. I hope you can trust me and that I can handle my own affairs.

I really hope you tell me more good things and have fun!

It can be really tough when you're left out of trips with your friends. I totally get it!

It can be really tough to feel left out when your friends go on a trip. It's totally understandable to feel a bit neglected. You can say:

"Dear friends, seeing the joy of your outing in the circle of friends has also infected me. I'm so jealous of you!

I'd really love to know about any similar activities you have planned for next time so I can try to join in!

I'm so sorry to see you've unfriended me. I'm your roommate, XXX. I know there are more scams on the Internet recently, so I've made some changes to my personal information to protect myself. I'm really sorry if I've done something to upset you. I hope you understand. I just want to help you stay safe. I really hope we can still be friends.

It's totally normal to feel a bit emotional when your roommate unfriends you. You can say something like this to your roommate:

"Dear, I'm really bummed to see you unfollow me. I'm your roommate XXX. Because there are more scams on the Internet recently, I've made some changes to my personal info to keep myself safe, but it seems like you've treated me like a stranger. I just want to say that I think our friendship will never change, but I also think it's important for your own safety to make some changes to your personal info.

I really hope my message can help you in some way.

I love you, world! And I love you, too, my friend!

Show the question owner your support. From reading the entire internal monologue, I understand the frustration, depression, burnout, and pain you are experiencing. You are under a great deal of stress. Given the difficulties you are facing, it is understandable that you are struggling to find the energy to love yourself.

Human thinking is a powerful tool, but if it is not guided properly, it can also be a significant liability. It is akin to a well-written program that can run quickly and efficiently. If the program is well written in the first place, it will perform optimally. However, if the program is flawed from the outset, it will eventually lead to suboptimal results.

The questioner's parents have instilled a negative self-image. The individual is convinced that they are inadequate and worthless. This belief was likely formed unconsciously and out of love and loyalty to their parents. It has been repeated countless times throughout their life, leading to feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt. They have also been conditioned to believe that others are better than them at everything. This has resulted in feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

However, pain is also an opportunity. The more intense the pain, the more it forces you to rewrite the program. This time, please listen to the faint voice within you. What is it saying?

It is evident that despite the challenging circumstances and significant obstacles you have faced, you have demonstrated resilience and dedication. Your efforts are commendable, and you deserve recognition and praise. It is crucial to acknowledge your own achievements. Best regards,

Good morning. I am a heart exploration coach, and I am pleased to be able to offer you some advice.

From your description, I can understand your concern about other people's opinions. Your desire to please others may be preventing you from being your authentic self.

Furthermore, you are concerned that external feedback may be detrimental to your personal brand, leading you to adopt a defensive posture.

From the question, we can ascertain that you are 25 years of age and currently concerned with the opinions of others. You express the hope that this will not persist in the future and indicate a desire to identify a solution.

When considering this question, the first thing that comes to mind is age. What is your definition of age?

Ultimately, professing concern for others' opinions represents a desire for external validation. It is essential to ascertain one's authentic self, understand one's intrinsic values, and then pursue a clearly defined objective with unwavering dedication. At this juncture, age becomes a pivotal factor.

As a 25-year-old, you have recently graduated from university or are about to graduate from postgraduate school. This stage represents the gradual progress of your entire life towards self-awakening.

As students, our schedules were structured and comprised a significant portion of our time. It is likely that we had limited opportunities to pursue personal interests outside of our academic commitments.

As we progress through our careers, we will find that our work schedules are no longer structured by school schedules. Instead, we must learn to manage our time effectively.

You may feel somewhat uncertain at this time, but it is an opportune moment to consider your long-term objectives. You might, for instance, begin by identifying your desired career heights and goals, and whether your current studies and future job roles align.

After reflection, it becomes evident that our comprehensive personal experiences are leveraged to analyze ourselves and achieve life goals. With this realization, you may find that you have no further need to concern yourself with other people's opinions.

At this juncture, we have reached a point of introspection.

You may be inclined to view this stage as one that has been spent looking outward for an extended period, and as such, it may prove challenging to transition back to a more inward focus.

Let us examine this further. What is the rationale behind placing such importance on the opinions of others?

The aforementioned scenario represents the pinnacle of our objective and the ultimate outcome we can attain along the path to a fulfilling life. It is evident that you have placed a significant emphasis on the opinions of others since childhood, whether it be your parents, friends, or peers in school.

You initially referenced the role of parents.

It is important to note that parents often lack understanding and offer criticism, even when it is not warranted. However, it is crucial to recognize that their actions often stem from a place of genuine concern and care. It is essential to understand that their criticism is not always rooted in malicious intent, but rather in a desire to see you succeed.

Initially, we lack confidence due to external factors. We place a high value on the opinions of others. When we align with their views, it demonstrates our recognition of their perspective.

You may contend that the other party is also incorrect, given that I have also had disagreements with them. However, if we do not accept their statements, will we be angry?

It is unlikely that we would engage in a dispute with each other.

This section is about addressing your concerns regarding your parents' remarks.

It is also worth noting that your parents tend to discuss your personal matters with external parties. You may feel that what you tell your parents is of a private nature, but when you share these details with relatives and friends, they may inadvertently reveal them to others, which can be a source of discomfort.

He also discussed matters related to your younger brother and expressed negative opinions about him to external parties. Subsequently, you also felt aggrieved because they criticized your younger brother and engaged in a dispute with your parents.

In this regard, there is little we can do to influence the actions of the older generation, given their established patterns of behavior. It is unlikely that they will alter their approach significantly with age.

One solution is to convey how your younger brother feels and how you feel after doing this. It is also important to use the word "I" as a starting point to discuss or argue with the other person.

It is inadvisable to begin a sentence with "you." If the second person is used as the subject, the other person may perceive an accusation, even though the speaker is genuinely upset. However, the speaker may not know how to express this discomfort and unhappiness in a way that is appropriate and constructive. This can lead to a deterioration of the relationship and misunderstandings between the two parties.

It is also possible that your father may discuss these topics with relatives and friends in order to establish a common ground and a shared vocabulary, thereby facilitating communication and identifying common ground.

However, selecting such content will inevitably result in discomfort, which the other party is likely to be unaware of. Therefore, it is advisable to express one's inner feelings in a more objective manner, rather than allowing emotions to influence the situation.

It is important to be objective when expressing your thoughts and feelings.

It should be noted that this requires constant practice. One effective method is to conduct a mirror exercise. This involves visualizing the individual on the other side as a family member, such as a parent, and attempting to convey a message. This can be an effective way to practice expressing oneself.

If there is no character reference, you may also contact me via the text I have organized on my personal homepage. There is no problem with that. I will assist you and help you navigate this situation.

We will now proceed to the second aspect you raised, namely the issue of friendship.

You care about your friends and are a very genuine person. However, it seems that a few close friends have betrayed you by spending time with other girlfriends and posting about it on WeChat Moments, which makes you feel uncomfortable.

Prior to socializing with other individuals, do they extend an invitation for us to accompany them?

If we indicate that we may not be in the best frame of mind, that we simply wish to remain at home, yet do not feel inclined to decline their company, we may find that the other person has no problem going out with someone else.

However, it is important to avoid rejecting them for an extended period.

Interaction is a fundamental human need, and it has a significant impact on our emotional state. When we interact with others, our feelings tend to intensify, enabling us to engage in more frequent and intimate conversations.

It is therefore important to consider whether the other person has asked us politely. When we are unable to accommodate their request, they will likely choose to go out with someone else. It is important to remember that we are still their priority, which is a positive outcome.

Furthermore, your college roommate unfriended you because she felt that you had undergone a significant change in gender.

You are undecided as to whether you should inform her, but you also feel that if you do so, it may demonstrate possessiveness on your part in front of the other person, which is not the case.

Your decision to protect your own interests is commendable. However, if the other party is unaware of the circumstances, they may make an erroneous decision and unfollow you. In such a case, it would be advisable to inform the other person that you consider them a friend.

Additionally, as roommates in college, you have not seen each other for many years, and then suddenly you are unfriended. You inquire as to whether she has changed her account or if there is another reason. This can be used as a starting point for communication.

We can transform this challenging situation into an opportunity. By doing so, we can create a future in which harmonious relationships flourish.

You also mentioned your desire to enhance your personal abilities through learning. You recognize that you are the architect of your own life journey.

Indeed, as you have become more self-aware, you have discovered that you are often afraid of people at the same level as you being jealous of you, and of others surpassing you. This is, to some extent, a manifestation of a sense of insecurity.

You are concerned that your colleagues are outperforming you and that they are taking away your opportunities. You want to be the best among these people so that you can gain the attention of others and receive their affirmation and recognition, and feel a sense of accomplishment.

In fact, the only person who can provide this level of confidence is the individual themselves. As previously stated, there is a tendency to seek answers externally. However, there is now a shift towards seeking answers from within.

Seeking within represents a sense of awareness of one's inner true self. Once the perception of the inner self has been enhanced, you will find that your inner self is very full, and time is allocated to the tasks you want to work on, rather than the current situation of more internal depletion every day.

In addition to internal challenges, you also invest significant effort in enhancing your abilities, and you are also monitoring the current situation of your colleagues.

It is important to note that the tasks you undertake on a daily basis are often more significant than you initially realize. While the immediate impact may not be favorable, your resilience and determination are commendable.

Additionally, you possess resilience, meticulousness, and sensitivity. These attributes are crucial for achieving the desired state.

I am confident that you will be able to identify your own inner strengths and develop tailored behavioural patterns and practices based on the suggestions I have outlined above.

Should you have any further questions or require further assistance, please reorganise the text and click on my personal homepage to ask a question. I will be happy to help you further with this matter.

I look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best in your endeavors.

It is important to provide support to the individual who is asking the questions. It is natural to care about the opinions of others, particularly those in our inner circles.

It is unavoidable to have feelings of care and concern for one's parents and friends. However, the challenge lies in managing these emotions in a way that is not uncomfortable or perceived as abnormal.

The key to resolving these issues is

1. Ask yourself what you truly value.

2. Accept yourself and others.

I will now proceed to explain my solution based on the three points mentioned by the questioner. It is my hope that this will prove to be a helpful contribution to the discussion.

1. Parents

1. Ask yourself what your core values are.

When your parents make a negative comment about your performance, what emotions do you experience in response?

Examples of these emotions include anger, sadness, self-blame, and inferiority complex.

Please describe the nature of the disagreement with your parents.

(Example: You wish to demonstrate to them that you are kind and that they do not misunderstand you...)

Please specify the desired outcome.

(Example: They consistently express pride in your achievements and refrain from making any negative comments.)

Please describe how you would feel if you were to achieve the desired result.

(Examples: self-confidence, being loved, being happy...)

2) Accepting yourself and others

It is not your intention to have your parents disseminate information about you to third parties. It is important to distinguish between matters that are within your control and those that are within your parents' control.

The decision of whether or not to inform your parents of your business venture is within their control.

The decision to inform your parents about your business venture or the extent of your personal disclosure is within your control.

Accepting oneself and others requires a willingness to relinquish control over the aspects of one's life that are within the purview of one's parents. However, individuals can exercise autonomy in determining their own priorities and communicating with their parents about their preferences.

In order to proceed, it is necessary to revisit the initial question: What are you angry about when someone knows your private affairs? (What are you worried about?)

Please identify your concerns and objectives.

1.

2. Friends

1. Ask yourself what is truly important to you.

Please describe the significance you attach to your friend's decision to socialize with others rather than solely with you.

(For example, in a professional context, you may have a client who is your sole source of revenue, but that client may not be exclusively yours. This can lead to concerns about potential loss of revenue.)

Your college roommate has unfriended you, and you are uncertain about whether to reach out to them to discuss the situation. You are concerned that doing so might be perceived as overly possessive. What are your reasons for feeling this way? What are your concerns?

(For example, there is a concern that this possessiveness may be perceived negatively.)

I am disappointed when a stranger I have met online does not respond to my messages. They delete their updates and then repost them. Could you please explain why you feel sad? What result do you hope to achieve by deleting and reposting?

(For example, you want to be valued and liked.)

2. Accept yourself and others.

In your statements, you frequently inquire as to the motivation behind your actions. It is preferable to address and acknowledge these emotions and desires rather than suppressing them. Recognizing and accepting these emotions and desires is the first step towards developing a positive self-awareness.

It is not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. It is important not to be concerned that others may avoid you because of this.

It is crucial to consider how your actions align with these emotions and desires once they have taken control of your mind. I would suggest the following course of action: express your emotions and thoughts honestly to the other person.

The more you are reluctant to share your emotions, the more you will internalize them, and over time, it is easy to develop a situation similar to what you call an "addiction."

Accepting others is akin to recognizing what is within your control and what is not. You have the ability to express your emotions and feelings and to identify ways to further your relationship with the other person, such as extending an invitation to meet.

The other party may choose to interact with you more or to engage in activities with others without informing you, which could affect your comfort level.

3. Learn

1. Take the time to identify your core values and priorities.

The individual in question is constantly monitoring the activities of others, harboring feelings of envy and operating at the same level as those they observe. They are fearful that those around them have become slightly more accomplished than they are. What does it mean to you that they have become slightly more accomplished than you?

Please provide your forecast of the likely outcome. What action will you take in response?

Please describe the eventual outcome and its significance to you.

(Example: Failure to pass the exam will result in adverse consequences, including loss of opportunity, ridicule, and social ostracism. This outcome is unacceptable, as it will negatively impact my personal and professional reputation. I must excel beyond the standards set by my peers to maintain my current standing and prove my continued worthiness.

It is important to be aware of the activities of others, including their professional, marital, and housing situations. Why is this important? What are the implications of being aware of these activities?

(Example: This allows me to ascertain whether I am still regarded as respectable in comparison to others.)

Then, inquire as to the reason behind this and what it signifies to you. This will enable you to gain a deeper understanding of the matter at hand, rather than merely addressing the immediate issues.

2) Accepting yourself and others

Peeping and jealousy are also human tendencies. The key is to address them in a constructive manner. The fact that you have these kinds of thoughts indicates that you are a normal person.

When you feel overburdened and undermined by this kind of psychology, first acknowledge that you are the primary source of these demands. Then, conduct a thorough examination to identify the underlying causes.

Please refer back to the initial question and continue to pursue it.

To accept others, it is essential to understand what is within your control and what is beyond your control. I will not go into further detail on this point.

It is highly recommended that the questioner seek the guidance of a counselor for a candid discussion. This process should include introspection to identify the underlying motivations and implications of these actions. With this understanding, the individual can embark on a journey of self-acceptance and interpersonal harmony.

I wish you the best and hope that you can accept your own beauty and imperfections so that you can be confident and optimistic about the future.

I'm so happy to see that you're doing well, and I've read some great responses above. Your question really resonated with me, so I'd love to share my experience with you in part, in the hope that it will be of some help!

1. [Strong mentality]

A strong person is someone who has a solid foundation and can accept themselves and go with the flow.

A strong person is someone who is focused on personal growth, who loves life despite the hardships, and who has the wisdom of life, a warm heart, and a kind aura and face.

2. [The Journey of Transformation]

1. "Meeting in Pain"

In early 2011, I met Mei Mei (a pseudonym) through a referral. When we first spoke, she was sobbing uncontrollably.

In her sad, tearful account, she described the three boyfriends she had had. It was so sad to hear that the pattern of the three relationships was very similar.

When it comes to her current boyfriend, she's got a lot of conflicting feelings, especially when it comes to how she's changed since they started dating.

Mei Mei said, "I feel like something's not quite right in this relationship, but I'm not sure what it is. It's like I've been struggling in the abyss, like someone who can't swim being repeatedly thrown into the water, conscious but unable to move. Mei Mei has given her money, affection, time, and everything she has in this relationship. But the guy just makes her keep hoping and hoping, and then disappoints her; he keeps lying to her, making up stories, even pointing at her and putting her down...

Poor Mei Mei is in a lot of pain, feeling powerless, miserable, and suffocated by love every day. She's so in pain that she gathers her courage and wants to end it.

But as soon as she sees the boy, she falls for him all over again, makes compromises, and loses herself indefinitely.

It's so sad! All those compromises just make the boy feel more and more hurt and in control. It's like there's no way out for poor Mei Mei. She falls into the abyss of pain, cries bitterly, and just can't get out...

2. [Recognize the lost self]

After many long days together, Meimei and I became really close. It was so lovely to see Meimei's emotions start to stabilize in this relatively stable relationship.

Together, we had a great time exploring and discovering the underlying pattern of this relationship in a relatively stable emotional state. We saw that sweet Meimei had given her all in the relationship but had been ignored and lost herself.

After discovering this, poor Meimei was also very confused. The relationship started out as a way to find a stable partner, but as she went along, it seemed that the goal had changed, and she had lost herself.

Because she's always struggled with feeling secure, Mei Mei has never been super confident and cares a lot about what other people think. She often tries to win others' approval by pleasing them, compromising, and putting herself in a tough spot.

It's only by gaining the "approval" of others that Meimei can feel loved, safe, and good about herself. On her journey to finding love, she walks and walks, but the self that needs to be satisfied is gone. All that's left is compromise, pleasing others, and the suppression of emotions.

All that's left is confusion, vulnerability, and pain.

3. [Realization after suffering]

It's amazing how much healing can happen when we take a moment to see ourselves as we really are. When we do this, we can see the dreams and expectations we had when we were younger, and we can also see the pain and anxiety that our inner child is experiencing. Once we understand this, we can start to break out of the maze and start living our lives to the fullest!

Once she gets to the heart of the matter, she'll be able to make the right choice and even find a way to fix it.

We all lose ourselves sometimes. It can happen when our inner child is weak, when we're trying to find happiness and value in the eyes of others, or when we're seeking stability and security. But what happens when we're constantly seeking outside ourselves? We lose control. And that's not a good thing.

We all want to feel safe and secure, but what can you do if you feel like you've lost control? If you've tried seeking external solutions and they haven't worked, how can you find the peace and contentment you crave?

4. [Healing the Inner Child]

So, Meimei realizes that she needs to satisfy herself. How does she nurture an inner child that is rich and strong?

I've found that the best way to approach things is to listen to your inner voice and clarify your needs. It's also really helpful to be aware of the struggles of your inner child and look inward to nourish and satisfy yourself. I've learned that letting go of yourself and the people, things, and objects that satisfy your needs is a great way to feel more at peace. It's so important to accept everything about yourself, including the past, present, and future. I've found that dwelling on things, consuming myself internally, and caring too much about other people's stares can really drag you down. I've learned to listen to the call of my heart and follow my feelings. I've found that seeking within gives me a sense of control and security.

She tried, practiced, and tested in a planned and phased manner through all of the above methods. And guess what? In the end, Meimei became more confident, independent, and judicious!

In a relationship, she learned to say no, to take the initiative, to distance herself at a pace she could control, and ultimately to leave a toxic relationship. It was a journey, but she did it!

And in turn, they have gained a strong inner core and a resilient emotional state. Not only have they nurtured their inner child, but they have also gained the security and self-confidence they had hoped for, which is so wonderful to see!

I'm so happy to be able to help the questioner through this living growth process! The above is a growth process of a visitor (the content has been modified and is for reference only).

Hi everyone! I'm Fuzhe, a psychological counselor, family education instructor, and marriage and family counselor. I'm really excited to chat with you all! ?

Good day.

Could I offer you a pat on the shoulder?

"I'm 25 years old and I care a great deal about what other people think. I'd like to be more confident and assertive, but I'm not sure how to go about it."

Emotional stability can be defined as a person's relatively stable behavior patterns in life. However, it is important to recognize that when receiving different internal and external stimuli, emotional responses can also vary.

It can be seen that a person's emotional stability is influenced by a number of factors. These include their upbringing, cultural influences, environmental factors and personal beliefs.

I believe that the "bad" self that the questioner thinks of may not be the real self.

My parents often make comments about me and my younger brother, even when I tell them that I don't feel comfortable with it, that I don't like it, and that I reject their extreme comments. Despite my objections, they continue doing what they want.

This illustrates the extent to which my parents have behaved without boundaries. It's possible that I may have also grown up in such an environment for a long time and have been influenced to a certain extent (blurred interpersonal boundaries).

Their behavior may occasionally affect my emotions, and when my boundaries are breached, this often happens unconsciously.

From a cognitive perspective, my parents may be more set in their ways due to their age, making it challenging for them to embrace new changes. However, I am still young and in a period of growth and development. My awareness and perception may evolve, and I will likely have different expectations regarding interpersonal boundaries. My intention is to maintain my own boundaries while still seeking to connect with my parents.

It could be said that painful feelings are a comprehensive reflection of emotions that are influenced by a combination of internal and external factors.

I have a small circle of close friends, and I value our relationships deeply. However, I sometimes observe that they are spending a lot of time with other people and posting photos of themselves with these new friends. I find this a little uncomfortable, and it makes me feel a bit distant from them. I then tend to avoid contacting them and not reply to their messages.

I wonder if I might be perceived as having a rather unhealthy mentality. Surely, it is a person's freedom to make friends with whomever they choose?

I'm wondering if it's normal to feel a bit jealous when a friend makes a new best friend. Could this be an expression of excessive possessiveness?

It is important to note that we should approach the emotion of "jealousy" with a certain mindset. Given that I care about my friends, I naturally feel jealous of other people's emotions. This is a reasonable response, so there is no question of excessive possessiveness.

I hope you can understand that at this time, I regard you as my best friend and have placed you in a very important position. I would naturally hope that you would treat me in the same way and place me in a reciprocal relationship, as I hope you will do the same for me. This is just a normal need.

However, conflicts can arise when we become emotionally involved and sometimes lose sight of our principles. At this stage, we may find it challenging to view the situation rationally, which can lead to a sense of being faced with a dilemma. But essentially, it is still a matter of unclear boundary setting.

Given the differences in our ideas and positions, I believe I have the right to adjust our boundaries in a way that better protects my own and more clearly expresses my needs to the other person.

If I may suggest, perhaps it would be helpful to consider that you have the option to either respond to my messages or not, and I would similarly have the option to prioritize or not your messages in the future. This approach could be seen as a way of setting boundaries and making your own behavior conditional, rather than as confrontation. It might help to maintain emotional stability for both of us.

It's about learning and improving your personal abilities. Life is something you go through on your own, and the path is also your own. I understand all these general principles, but I often find myself admiring and envying people at the same level, which can sometimes make it challenging to stay calm and focus on learning, preparing for exams, and improving myself. In order not to let these feelings affect me, I've tried blocking all their contact information and unfollowing them on social media. However, I've noticed that I still find ways to ask how they are doing, whether they got into college, how their studies are going, what kind of work they are doing, whether they're married, have they bought a house, do they have children, and so on.

It may be helpful to focus on yourself and work on improving yourself. This could be a way to become more independent. As you improve, you may also find that you gain inner strength. This could help you to balance your life even if you don't get the recognition you expect from others. It could also help you to face relationships independently without excessive anxiety.

In other words, you will not entirely disregard the external world, nor will you allow the external world to unduly influence you. You have the capacity to establish a "self-boundary" that serves to protect you.

In other words, when it is affected by internal and external stimuli and internal conflicts arise, she has an objective reflection of herself in response to external information. After an objective evaluation of herself, she can better respond emotionally to the outside world, and such emotional responses are usually more mature and rational, rather than extreme and emotional.

For instance, the psychology of "peeping" may be driven by a combination of curiosity and a desire for self-control. This could manifest as a way to gain a sense of inner security through controlling behavior. It's also possible that it stems from a need to compete or a fear of social situations. However, the underlying motivation may be a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. This highlights the importance of self-awareness, a focus on self-improvement, and an attitude of facing challenges with equanimity.

It is not uncommon to experience a range of emotional responses when we encounter challenges. However, this does not make me any different from anyone else. At times, emotions can serve as a gateway, guiding me to reflect on my inner world and gain insight into the underlying causes of my feelings.

I believe that we should avoid labeling ourselves and denying ourselves, because if we are self-aware of a problem, we will not choose to express it in a negative way. I think that everyone has the desire to become better and improve. Therefore, when we encounter various problems in life, it may sometimes seem like we are actively choosing them, but some are given to us by our environment. I believe that what we can truly control is to maintain awareness, protect our self-boundaries when conflicts arise, and give more mature and rational responses to stimuli that are uncomfortable to ourselves.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

I hope this finds you well.

Hello, my name is Zeyu.

Regarding the issue that the questioner is facing, we have distilled it down to a core concern: "I care a great deal about what other people think." Consequently, our response will focus on this key theme.

I'd like to share a little secret with the original poster first. It's a common phenomenon to care about what others think of you, but the degree of difference lies in the attitude of different people towards this matter. Perhaps to some extent, the original poster and I can be considered as one kind of people. As the saying goes, "excess is as bad as none," if we care too much about what others think, the end result may be that we become exhausted and haggard. This is because we tend to pay too much attention to the outside world and neglect our own feelings and state.

Regarding the parents of the original poster, it is understandable that we care about what they think of us. After all, from birth to adulthood, we rely on our parents for our lives. Without them, it may be more challenging for us to grow up successfully. Therefore, it is natural for us to value the opinions of others. However, it is important to recognize that we cannot control how others perceive us. Attempting to change this point of view may not be productive. Instead, it is more beneficial to focus on our own self-perception. We can strive to understand what happened and what kind of person we are in the other person's eyes.

Perhaps we can try to see the abilities of the current self and establish a sense of boundaries in the family. We could consider telling our parents how we feel and what we need them to do. If they still insist on doing things their own way, it might be helpful to remember that we have the power to change ourselves. We could try not to care about what our parents say, but take care of our emotions so that we are not involved in it.

Regarding friends, after reading the story the OP told about his own experience, I can deeply empathize with the feeling. It seems that the reason we feel this way is because we crave external attention, recognition, and to be seen and understood. Therefore, we may pay extra attention to the other person's every word and action, and care whether others reply to our messages or not.

It is important to accept that friends will have their own circles and that they may leave without replying to our messages. This also applies to all kinds of difficult situations we may encounter. It can be helpful to allow ourselves to show negative emotions and not suppress them, but to find ways to express them constructively. Having emotions is a natural part of being alive.

Finally, regarding "learning and personal ability improvement," it may be that we become jealous and take various actions because we want and crave growth and progress. While it is important to be kind to ourselves, it is also important to accept this less positive side of ourselves. After all, everyone has this or that unsavory or even dark side, but we cannot deny our good side or feel the need to suppress it just because it exists.

It is important to remember that just because we have this side, it does not mean that we will definitely do bad things. As long as we do not directly or indirectly harm others, it is normal to have such thoughts in our minds. If we want to make changes, it is helpful to learn to pay attention to our inner needs and start by being true to ourselves.

In life, we often face confusion and challenges. These can make it difficult to see the way ahead. What we need most in this fog is understanding and empathy from others.

I will enter your heart and accompany you through this fog of the soul.

Your story reveals a soul that craves understanding, acceptance, and respect. You value others' opinions because you seek their approval and praise.

This excessive concern has become a yoke on your heart, exhausting you in your pursuit of perfection.

I sympathize with you. Your relationship with your parents is troubled, entangled, and you are struggling. The gap between your parents' expectations and reality makes you feel confused and helpless.

Your parents' words and actions, whether intentional or unintentional, have a profound impact on your self-image and emotional state. You crave their understanding and support, yet reality often falls short of your expectations.

This pain is like a cold steel needle piercing deep into your heart. You cannot understand it, but you know it is there.

You also face challenges in friendships. You cherish every friend, but you must overcome your possessiveness and jealousy to maintain healthy relationships.

When you see your friends getting close to others, you feel excluded and lonely. These emotional swings drain you, affecting your daily life and mood.

You are also under immense pressure to succeed academically. You want to achieve, but you feel anxious and uneasy whenever you see someone at your level making progress.

This competitive spirit prevents you from focusing on your own learning. You are caught up in endless comparisons and prying, and you need to stop.

You feel helpless and at a loss in the face of these difficulties. But you are not alone.

We have all been there and are all struggling to find our identity and worth. Here are some tips to help you get out of this situation:

First, accept yourself. You are unique, with your own strengths and weaknesses.

Don't be overly demanding of perfection. Accept your own imperfections as part of the growth process. When you learn to accept yourself, you will face the comments of others with more confidence because you know you are moving towards your goals.

Next, establish healthy communication methods. Communicate your feelings and thoughts with your parents honestly and seek their understanding and support.

At the same time, you must learn to listen to their opinions and suggestions, and take on board the useful parts to improve yourself. In terms of friendship, maintain an open and tolerant attitude, and respect your friends' choices and decisions.

Don't be overly possessive. Strive to establish a friendship based on equality, respect, and understanding.

Furthermore, focus on self-growth and learning. Set clear goals and develop a plan to achieve them.

Focus on your own growth and you'll pay less attention to the opinions of others. You'll also be more motivated to pursue your dreams and goals.

Seek professional help and support. If you feel you cannot deal with these problems alone, seek help from a psychological counselor or listener. They can provide specific advice and support to help you better deal with these psychological distresses.

In this emotional journey together, I will be there for you. You are not alone in this battle, and I will stand by you as you face these challenges and difficulties.

You are valuable because you work hard and are dedicated. Believe in yourself, keep going, and you will emerge from this fog and find your bright future.

In the end, I want to say that everyone deserves to be deeply understood. In this noisy and complex world, we all long to find someone who can understand us, and we deserve to find that person.

If you feel lonely and helpless, talk to your family, friends, or a counselor. They will understand and support you, and they will accompany you on this journey of life.

Hello. From your description, I can discern a certain internal conflict. You appear to care about what others think and how they treat you, including your parents, friends, and even strangers on the Internet. You seem to long to establish good relationships and focus on improving yourself, but you also appear to become jealous of other people's achievements. In order to prevent yourself from focusing too much on other people, you delete their information.

This state of mind often stems from a lack of secure attachment and is related to a sense of self-worth. When there is a particular drive to establish a real and profound connection with others, there is also a fear of being rejected and of losing out, which makes one sensitive to the actions of others.

It may also be the case that you believe you must be good enough to deserve attention and emotional feedback, or even that you must be better than others in order to get it.

You mentioned that your parents made negative comments about you in their presence. I can imagine how much of an impact this had on you. Children always expect unconditional love and recognition from their parents. When parents express disapproval or put them down, it can have a significant negative effect on the child's self-esteem.

The damage to self-esteem then triggers self-doubt. This can manifest as a belief that, if even one's parents do not think one is good enough, then other people will dislike one even more. This then leads to the question of whether one is really that bad.

As a result, I tend to view myself with a critical eye, and comparing myself with others is also a way of establishing a standard of value.

To move beyond the constant pursuit of external validation and self-criticism, it is essential to release the intense self-scrutiny and strive to comprehend one's intrinsic needs, including self-worth recognition and the desire for positive and stable interpersonal connections. Needs, desires, and emotions are neither inherently positive nor negative, right nor wrong. They serve as invaluable tools for self-discovery.

When we have a positive relationship with ourselves and are willing to accept ourselves, our perspective on the outside world and other people will change accordingly.

You can engage in some exercises to help you gain control of your emotions. For example, when an inner voice of blame and self-doubt arises, say to yourself: "This signal is telling me that some of my needs have not yet been met. I will be jealous of others because I am not satisfied with myself. Jealousy is the most common state of mind. I don't need to feel like a "weirdo" or "bad person," but I can think about what I can do for myself and see my own strengths and abilities."

In terms of interpersonal relationships, it is advisable to take responsibility for your own choices and allow others to make their own decisions. For instance, if a colleague has unfriended you on social media, you could inform them that you changed your personal information due to concerns about online scammers and that you have not yet had the opportunity to say goodbye to everyone. You could then ask them to let you know if there is anything you can do to help.

Additionally, you may request renewed attention and indicate your stance on the relationship. This also conveys the value you place on yourself. While we cannot control the decisions of others, we can control our own actions.

Hello, I'm listening. I can tell you're struggling. You want to ignore the external voices, but they're constantly on your mind, causing you distress.

1. When your parents say you are bad, you think it is a sign of their disapproval and denial of you. You are also angry that they tell others things you don't want them to know, and you feel disrespected. Later, you find out that your parents don't say these things to your face, and you feel that they are not being honest with you.

2. You're frustrated that friends you value don't recognize you as much as you'd like.

3. In terms of studies, you're worried that people at your level will outperform you. So you keep an eye on them. You know deep down that you don't want to compare yourself to others, and you've tried to stop, but you just can't help it.

It can make you feel a bit down on yourself.

Here's some advice:

1. When it comes to parents, try to separate people from things.

First, take a look at what your parents are saying from two different perspectives. Is there any truth to what they're saying?

Or is it just their opinion? What exactly is the impact of their negative comments on you?

Second, separate people from things. You are you, and what you do is what you do. What you do can be bad, but there's nothing wrong with badness. If someone points it out to you, you can refer to your parents' opinions, and absorb the good ones, but ignore the bad ones.

If something isn't done well, it just means there's room for improvement.

Third, look at problems dialectically. If you consider an issue from different points of view, you'll likely get different results.

For instance, someone might be thought of as careless and sloppy. In fact, you could say that they're not fussy.

2. Friends:

Be less demanding of him and accept that friends will treat you differently because everyone has a different background and life experience. This makes them all unique and interesting. So be open to differences.

3. When it comes to grades:

Anxiety can help you to strive for improvement. When you know there's a challenge from the outside, you'll work harder to learn. Name your anxiety. When you feel it coming, welcome it and say, "Thank you for coming, so that I don't give up learning and don't give up trying."

I love you. Just focus on yourself, and you'll make progress every day, which will add up to a big step over time.

Let's do this!