I'm a high school girl, my parents call me a vampire, am I really that bad?

As a young woman in the bloom of your youth, it is unfortunate that you have to deal with such parents. But I want you to know that you are not at all bad. In fact, you are a good daughter and good student who is good at reflecting, emotional, filial, and gentle!

First, you should reflect on yourself when encountering family conflicts and problems. This is a great strength that will be very helpful to you in your future studies, work, and life. It shows that you are maturing in character.

Second, your parents said that you are a vampire and that they can eat well because of you. This is clearly an expression of their love for you and their belief in educating you to grow up. They should not have targeted you or done anything against you.

It's likely that their parents, your grandparents, also raised them in the same way. Once a person's language, gestures, and even thinking have formed a set pattern, it is not easy to change them. This applies to your parents as well, so you need to understand them.

Furthermore, you should communicate with them and express your inner feelings.

Third, maintaining a moderate sense of guilt and culpability is conducive to a person's self-discipline and growth, and to self-expectations. It can help you cultivate good habits of thrift and self-development, and develop your own awareness and mindset of earning your own income.

However, you must not over-blame yourself. Your parents' current financial difficulties and bad mood are not your fault.

You have been through a lot, and I am here to give you a warm, supportive hug.

In your supplementary information and before that, it is clear that you have always wanted to know the real situation of your family. You are right to think that your parents should not treat you like this, and that there is not so much tension at home. This is a sign of your maturity and thorough consideration.

Let me be clear: the interaction between parents and children is not necessarily a reflection of the actual family situation.

You need to focus more on your interactions with your classmates, teachers, and friends, and on your studies. Your parents just want you to do well in school. As for your parents, I'm sure you've already understood from the feedback your older siblings have given you.

First, you need to be more considerate and communicate well with them. In addition, you need to relax and stop feeling so guilty and depressed.

You are the best. Go for it!

I look forward to maintaining communication with you on your personal public account, "Pretentious young people (ID: qingnianJIA2020)."

Yi Xinli Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community, World, and I Love You >> https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Good day, host.

From your description, I empathize with your situation. It is challenging for anyone to hear disparaging remarks from their parents, particularly when they are as extreme as calling you a "vampire."

[Parental conflict]

Parents have the financial means to send their children to tutoring classes and provide them with funds for food. They are motivated by a genuine love for their children and a sense of responsibility as parents.

Parents often resort to harsh language, such as "You're a vampire," due to fear. They have invested a significant portion of their income in their children, leaving them with limited financial flexibility.

Such behaviors as cold violence and throwing a face indicate an inner imbalance, including jealousy. This imbalance stems from a comparison with their own childhood. When they were young, they may have been very deprived and were afraid to mention money to their family.

The mother's stated reason for not eating is to save money. However, this may be a cover for deeper issues. It's possible that she feels her child doesn't appreciate her sacrifices and is ungrateful. By portraying herself as worse off, she may be attempting to exert control over the child's emotions.

[Emotional manipulation]

It is not uncommon for the actions of parents and children to be driven by an underlying intention to influence one another's emotions.

Parents invest a great deal in their children and expect gratitude in return.

However, the critical and passive nature of this approach often results in children feeling guilty and self-blaming, rather than grateful.

[Learn to eliminate negative language]

The negative language used by parents is a result of their own upbringing.

They have never been trained in effective communication techniques for expressing their love and devotion to their children.

What the mother is really trying to convey is that she and her husband have invested a great deal of money in raising their child. She is unsure whether her child will express gratitude or provide her with comfort and support in the future.

[Get rid of guilt and self-blame, and learn to take your parents' verbal attacks with humor]

It is important to consider the needs of our parents and our own needs.

It is important to recognize that parents require gratitude, and that children must learn to accept and embrace their love and acceptance.

Given that parents may not have the opportunity to learn and grow themselves, it is imperative that we, as individuals, take the initiative to change ourselves.

It is important to accept yourself, as you are still young and it is our responsibility to provide guidance and support during this developmental stage.

It is important to accept your parents, as they are not particularly adept at raising children.

[How to change]

The first step to effecting change is to gain an understanding of one's own inner needs and those of others.

The second change step is to defuse attacks with humor.

For example, the following statement was made: "You spend so much money now, I think you are the vampire of our family."

"I understand, Mother. I will endeavor to smoke less. When I am stronger, you may smoke in my place."

"We are grateful to you for providing us with food. We would not be able to eat without you."

(Select some food for your mother.) I am confident that your daughter will bring you even greater blessings in the future.

The third change step is spiritual independence and personal independence.

Despite your financial dependence on your parents, you have a clear objective. You maintain good grades and demonstrate strong learning abilities.

You can learn to move beyond your original family structure and become more resilient and confident in your personal and professional pursuits. You deserve a bright future.

When individuals are spiritually independent and have a clear goal, they are better positioned to succeed in the second step.

My name is Amy, and I hope this information is useful to you.

Hello, question asker!

I read your message carefully and thought about myself back then. I understand your situation and feelings very well. I remember that back then, I was very dissatisfied with my mother's approach and took it out on my friends. My friend said, "You don't have the right to demand that others treat you according to your wishes!"

This sentence helped me to move on from that situation.

I get it. You might be asking yourself, "Why did my parents treat me this way? Am I not worthy of their love?"

I want to be honest with you.

Not every parent knows how to love their kids in the right way.

And their experience of raising kids is based on their own past experiences, unless they've gotten professional training.

They may have treated their kids with what they thought was love, but that doesn't mean it was the right approach. It might not have been helpful or even damaging for their kids.

As you mentioned in your message, the way your parents treated you made you feel guilty, self-blame, and pain!

If we look at the problem from this angle,

This might help us get to the heart of the matter.

Gaining an understanding of our parents' experiences of growing up may help to alleviate our own pain.

And it's also important to learn how to perceive and understand our emotions and feelings.

It's normal to feel like you don't deserve it or that it's all your fault when you're dealing with how your mother treats you. But the truth is, it's the way your parents treat you that makes you think that way.

So, when we feel uncomfortable, aggrieved, or self-blame

We can use appropriate methods to let our parents know how we really feel.

If you can, it's best to express your feelings to your parents consistently.

Here's how it's done.

Before we communicate with our parents, we need to know what we want to tell them and what we want to understand. The next step is to keep our emotions in check.

When we're communicating, we should do the following:

1. Be honest, but don't judge!

2. Stick to talking about your feelings and what you want, and don't complain or accuse the other person! (For example, you could say to your mother: "Mum, I know you spend a lot of money on my studies and I'm very grateful to you, but every time I hear you scold me, I feel that it's because of me that our family life has become so difficult. I feel so bad, I blame myself, and every time I spend money, I feel guilty. I don't think I deserve to enjoy nice things.

It's tough, and I'm not sure what I can do to make you happy. I hope you can point out when I mess up so I can fix it.

3. Give the other person plenty of time to share their thoughts. While they're speaking, listen carefully and be aware of your own feelings.

4. Let the other person know how you're feeling, and always follow rules 1 and 2 in future communication!

The goal of our communication with parents is to express our feelings without getting emotional so that they understand what we're trying to say and we can work together.

Needless to say, this kind of communication has to be based on mutual consent.

If parents aren't willing to communicate with us and share their feelings and thoughts,

We also need to respect their choices and give them some time to learn and grow.

There's no need to get angry.

By opening up and sharing our feelings, we're working to gain the understanding and respect of others.

(True understanding and respect begins with oneself. Sharing our inner feelings with others is part of understanding and respecting ourselves!)

I think that after putting in all this effort, you'll be able to let go of the stress and focus on your studies.

I know this is a tough time for you, and I hope my answer can help!

I wish you the best of luck in your studies!

April 4, 2022

Hello, question asker! I am the answerer, Enoch. From the question asker's description, it seems that the question asker may be experiencing some challenges with their parents' expectations regarding spending money, or being given disapproving looks and scolded, and even questioning their own worth.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the reasons for this situation.

1. Some parents may not fully understand their responsibilities as parents, and when spending money on their children, they may be reluctant to do so, but are quick to express their concerns about their children.

It is worth noting that while many parents are devoted to their children, they may not fully comprehend the responsibilities that come with parenting. Some parents may not even have a clear understanding of their own life goals and values, let alone the importance of taking on greater responsibility for their children. It is not uncommon for parents who are overly focused on themselves to view their children as a burden and to expect them to repay them for spending money on them.

2. Parents may inadvertently increase the pressure on their children by making them feel guilty when spending money on them, which could potentially lead the children to repay them.

Some parents feel that their own life has limited upward mobility and believe it is more appropriate to invest in their children's future. They hope that their children will repay them, so they increase their children's sense of guilt, with the hope that their children will appreciate their good intentions. They also hope that one day their children will be in a position to repay them.

It is worth noting that these actions are often not intentional, but rather an unconscious manifestation of subconscious thoughts in the real world. While they may provide a sense of psychological relief, they can also inadvertently cause harm to their children.

3. The questioner would undoubtedly benefit from the support of his parents, but the additional pressure they put on him makes him feel very uncomfortable, and he has to face and bear it.

As a child, it is natural to seek and appreciate financial support from one's parents. However, there are instances when parents may inadvertently place undue pressure on their children, which can be challenging to navigate. It is important to recognize that, despite these challenges, children can still find joy and fulfillment in their relationships with their parents.

I hope the following suggestions will be of some help to the questioner.

1. It might be helpful to try to see things from your parents' perspective and understand their point of view.

Sometimes, we have family, relatives, and friends around us who love us in ways that are difficult to accept. While they may not love us in the way we would prefer, they are still fulfilling their responsibilities towards us. Despite the parents in the question complaining, they have, after all, spent money on the questioner. As their children, we can choose to understand the challenges they face in making money and the act of releasing their stressful emotions on us. We can also learn to take care of their emotions, as they have raised us and we also have to learn to take care of their emotions.

2. It would be beneficial to communicate with your parents in an appropriate manner.

It might be helpful for the questioner to try to communicate well with their parents. For example, "Mom and Dad, I know it wasn't easy raising me. When I have the means to do so in the future, I will definitely repay you. I also hope that you will consider my self-esteem when you talk to me in the future.

3. It may be helpful to focus on the love your parents show you, and to try to ignore the hurt. You may even choose to change yourself.

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, communicating with our parents may not achieve the desired outcome. In such instances, it can be helpful to focus on the positive aspects of our relationship with them and to let go of any resentment or negative feelings. After all, we will eventually grow up and have our own lives. While we may not be able to change our parents, we can choose to change ourselves, with the hope of creating a positive transformation in our lives within our original family and becoming a better version of ourselves.

Dear OP, I am Peilv.

First, I would like to offer you a comforting embrace.

The use of disciplinary measures such as scolding and physical violence.

? Communication Barriers with Parents

—Data interpretation—

The questioner indicated that they had been reprimanded by their parents for their personal expenses and labeled as "vampires." The respondent perceived a lack of transparency and communication from their parents regarding the familial situation, frequently exhibiting cold, violent, scolding, and humiliating behaviors. These actions have resulted in feelings of heartbreak and guilt. The respondent felt undeserving of love and believed they had benefited from their parents in every way, leading to a sense of unworthiness. Additionally, the respondent exhibited timidity and guilt regarding spending money.

I empathize with your situation. On the one hand, you are grateful for your parents' contributions to your life. However, on the other hand, you are hurt by their actions. You are uncertain about how to navigate the situation and are experiencing doubt about your parents' feelings towards you. Additionally, you are unsure about the appropriate attitude to adopt towards them. I would like to offer you a comforting embrace, with the hope that it can assuage your distress.

A reasoned analysis

The aforementioned parenting methods are, in this author's opinion, unreasonable.

From the original poster's description, it is evident that the author has experienced several instances of parental mistreatment. These include being called a vampire at the dinner table, receiving a cold shoulder and scoldings when ordering takeout once a month, and being told that they do not eat in order to save money. Additionally, the author's mother frequently expresses gratitude for their cooking, yet simultaneously criticizes them for wasting food. These experiences are indicative of a pattern of psychological violence and control. The author's parents may lack the necessary skills to guide and educate their children effectively, potentially due to their own upbringing or a lack of appropriate educational guidance.

Insufficient communication with parents

From the parents' perspective, they lack the ability to communicate expectations in an appropriate manner. Instead, they convey their intentions through verbal sarcasm or self-sacrifice. From the child's perspective, there is a lack of understanding of the actual financial situation of the family. As previously stated, the child is also influenced by the spending concepts of friends or classmates. When scolded by parents for spending money, the child experiences feelings of sadness and injustice. The problem is that neither party addresses the core issue of family financial problems during communication. Instead, emotions are expressed, which places significant pressure on both parties.

It is recommended that the following advice be considered.

In the event of a similar situation occurring again, it is important to learn to express one's true feelings to one's parents. This entails conveying one's grievances, conflicts, pain, and guilt, while striving to gain their understanding. This is the key to seeking a solution to the problem.

From the aforementioned analysis, it is evident that the love your parents have for you is unquestionable. Whether it is the investment in your education or the nurturing grace they have shown you since you were young, these sacrifices cannot be undone with mere words of blame. You are still in school and have not yet entered society, so you are not yet independent enough to truly appreciate the pressures of life. Their method of educating you may not be optimal, but it is also necessary to be more understanding and compassionate towards them.

There is nothing inherently problematic with having one's own interests. Individuals have the right to pursue activities and interests that align with their personal preferences. However, to achieve personal and financial independence, it is crucial to rely on one's own efforts. Here is a suggestion for you: you can consider pursuing a part-time job to gain experience, develop your skills, and earn some pocket money. This can be done while ensuring that your studies are not disrupted.

It is recommended that further investigation be conducted.

The world and I send you our love.

Dear questioner, Hello!

I am distressed to see you in this kind of family environment. You deserve better!

This is a form of psychological control that parents exert over their children. They do this by triggering their sense of guilt and conditional love. This restricts and controls their children's independent psychological development. Parents are seen as gods and authorities by their children. When children develop a sense of self but then contradict their parents, they will develop self-doubt. The original poster is now beginning to doubt that they don't deserve to enjoy themselves and feel guilty towards their parents. This is the goal that parents want to achieve.

We mustn't blame our parents either, because they were also victims. They were controlled in this way by their parents when they were young, and they didn't have much self-awareness. They didn't realize that their parents were psychologically controlling them, and they naturally acquired this way of parenting and then imposed it on you.

The good news is that the questioner is aware of the problem and will question whether their parents' approach to them is correct. Realizing a problem is the first step to making a change.

So, what do we do?

1. We can't change our parents' minds because such deeply-rooted ideas are difficult to change.

2. Shift your focus from meeting your parents' needs to prioritizing your own. You must live for yourself, not for others, even if it's your parents.

You must recognize that your parents' influence is not something you should reduce. It's not about triggering guilt or obeying them. All you have to do is pay more attention to your own needs.

3. The questioner is currently in their second year of high school and is not yet completely independent. You must realize that your parents' current parenting style is reasonable to minimize the sense of guilt that they have instilled in you.

4. Parents who exert this kind of psychological control over you may be worried that you will leave them in the future, that you don't care about them, and that they lack a sense of security. The questioner can also often tell their parents, "I am very grateful for your upbringing of me, and I will definitely repay you in the future."

You will find ways to make yourself happy. ?