I'm at a low point in my life, I feel like a failure, and why is the path getting narrower and narrower?

I read the book Out of Character. While reading, I did not interact with others and was criticized for my encounters. In the book, I saw that the harm I suffered in my original family was fully seen. That was the first time I felt healed by a book. At that time, although I was understood and although I understood that my pain was real, I still sometimes did not dare to blame my parents, thinking that maybe I was wrong.

Later, I met Sister Xuefen Yueran, who affirmed the pain of my original family. I no longer dared to complain. She said, "Your parents are a bit scary. Their child is like this, and they still don't dare to complain, but also think that maybe they are wrong." When I read her words, I thought, "If my family saw this, they would scold me again."

I have realized that I still unconsciously fall into the trap of wondering whether it is my fault and unconsciously take on the emotions of my parents and family. This leads to a depletion of my mental energy. I am aware of this and I will not allow it to continue.

To overcome the feelings of inadequacy and failure, I have taken the following steps:

1. I will distinguish between me and the world.

I am me, and the world is the world. These are two different realms. The quality of my life is determined by me, not by the values instilled in me by the world. As a post-90s person who grew up in the countryside, I was taught from an early age to study to change my destiny, to study for my parents, and to find a good job after going to university.

It's clear that my inability to gain admission to a reputable university was influenced by social values, which led me to feel inferior to others. Once I entered society, I was bombarded with messages that if you don't become a supervisor before the age of 35, you're doomed to face unemployment. This led me to take the civil service exam and secure a government job.

It's clear that society is filled with anxiety. The fears of the older generation are passed on to the children, and the anxieties of society are passed on to the individual. It's no surprise that young people begin to feel lost and fearful under this kind of environmental influence. Especially after working for a few years, parents become more anxious about comparing who earns more and who gets married first.

The more I see, the more I realize that the person who lived like that before is not me. I have always been at the mercy of society. I have not lived my true self, but have lived according to society's standard definitions and my family's definitions. However, it has never been me. I have inherited things that do not belong to me, but I thought they were me. This has created pain.

2. I have seen the pain in my soul and I choose not to attack myself anymore.

I saw that since the age of 11, I had given up the right to happiness in life, simply because I felt ashamed that I had made my family spend so much money when I got sick. I was wrong. I should not have felt that I should learn to be like my teachers and study for my parents. I was wrong. I was sent to a shaman because I was sick, thinking that it would help me, but it had harmed me instead. I was wrong. Taking a large amount of hormone medicine when I was sick had damaged my body and affected my emotions. I was wrong. That little girl who hoped to study hard to gain the love of her parents and family was burdened with expectations that should not have been hers. I was wrong. I had wanted since childhood to grow up quickly to help my family, but my soul alone had borne the expectations of the entire family's soul. I was wrong. I could no longer continue to bear these things, and I was willing to choose to let go of the responsibilities that did not belong to me, and to return the emotions that did not belong to me. I was wrong. I saw the debt I owed myself, and I wanted to give myself more understanding and acceptance.

I saw that I owed the most apologies to myself. I saw my desire to love myself well and my desire to live out my true self and start over again.

3. It's unfair to place all the blame on one person for an event that's the result of social and family factors and other causal factors. It's simplistic and unfair to define a person's failure in this way. It's cruel! Parents pass on the failures and fears of their generation to this generation. And society? It's always changing, and everyone wants to lie down but dares not actually do so.

4. I have reached my limits and I refuse to abuse myself anymore. I accept my past so-called "failures" because I know that when I cling to the hope that I must achieve something in my 20s, I will continue to attack myself, causing me to fall into internal conflict, depression, and I will become more and more unable to accept the present ordinary. I will also lose hope for the future and lose my present, making every moment of my life painful. This is not what I want. If I can't live in the present, I will also lose my future.

5. I am going to embark on an adventure and follow my heart to live. I am certain that I am fed up with my old work and life patterns.

Ten years ago, I made the choice to do what I was supposed to do over what I liked to do, which caused me years of suffering. I lacked the courage to live the way I wanted. Now I've realized I can't force myself to do otherwise, so I choose to forgive my past self. This way, I will regain the energy to create and follow my heart to do what I want to do. At the same time, after I chose this way of life, I began to meet people and circles who do things according to their own preferences, which also gave me the motivation to persevere.

6. I have re-parented myself, reshaped myself, and in the process, I have continuously healed my wounds. I have a different interpretation of what happened in the past. I am willing to see the gift of fate in my pain, to let go of the "small self," and follow the "self-sufficiency" of the true self. I am taking back the initiative in life and realizing that I am 100% responsible for what I have experienced. This does not mean that it is all my fault, but that I will learn and practice to create value through self-cultivation and rewrite the script of my destiny.

Dear questioner, I'm glad you've asked for help. It seems like you've been in the workforce for ten years and still haven't found your place. You're feeling confused and anxious, and you're even doubting yourself because of your unsuccessful career.

We get it. We empathize with you and understand you. Let's sort out your problems together and see how to get out of your current predicament.

1. Problem analysis

Not having a clear career plan

After ten years of work, I've changed jobs countless times. I think the deeper reason may be that you haven't been clear about your career plan for so many years. You haven't been clear about what kind of career you want to pursue, so you've been looking for it, constantly searching, and time has slipped away while you were searching.

When you think about it, ten years have passed. But because you haven't done any of your jobs in depth for a while, you haven't built up any experience. And the longer you're out of work, the more difficult it is to find a suitable job.

There's a big difference between what you expect and what's actually happening in the real world.

Over the years, I think you've tried a lot of different jobs and industries, but you've never had a stable position. As well as not knowing what kind of work you want to do, you might not be sure what you're capable of doing.

You may think you deserve a better job than the one you have now, but reality always falls short. The gap between your expectations and reality makes it tough to settle down and do your current job.

You haven't really accepted yourself for who you are.

You feel like your colleagues are bullying the weak and deferring to you, but they're also rude to you. You feel like you can't even protect yourself at work. The reason you feel this way is because you haven't accepted your true self. So, subconsciously, you put yourself in the position of the victim and feel like you're unable to protect yourself.

2. How to get out of your current situation

Take a moment to think about what kind of career you want to pursue.

Put the day's problems to one side for a moment and think about what kind of career you want to pursue. You can choose a career that suits you best from your past work experience, or you can choose one that has nothing to do with your past. The most important thing is that you really want to do it.

If you're really stuck, you can always set a goal of doing your current job well.

Take a look at the gaps between where you are now and where you want to be, and work hard to improve your abilities.

Take a look at the gaps between your current abilities and the career you want to pursue, and think about what you need to work on. See if there are any resources in your area that can help you build the skills you need. If not, where can you find the resources you need and how can you get them?

Be okay with who you are.

Learn to accept yourself as you are and find the sparkle in yourself. At the same time, you need to move away from the role of victim and believe in your ability to work with others as equals.

When you change how you see yourself, people around you will start to see you differently too.

I hope this is useful for you. Best regards,

Good day.

From what I understand, you took on a transitional role during a challenging period, but this position is quite demanding, both mentally and physically. At work, you have encountered some challenging colleagues who have been uncooperative and disrespectful, and the leader has also been inclined to favour certain individuals, which has created some difficulties for you.

The words of your relatives have made you question your abilities to a certain extent. I can appreciate how anxious and confused you must be feeling at the moment.

First of all, it's possible that your initial reluctance and unwillingness to take on this role may have contributed to your current feelings of resistance. Additionally, the significant differences between your previous position and this one may have further influenced your ability to adapt. Do you feel that your initial resistance to the role may have been a barrier to your ability to fit in and thrive in this new position?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the situation from a different perspective.

Secondly, you may wish to consider tactfully declining when a colleague appears to shirk their responsibilities and passes them on to you. It is possible that if you were to help her, she might be grateful to you, and that if she were polite to you, you would be satisfied.

It's worth noting that not everything we do will necessarily get us what we want. In such cases, it might be more beneficial to adjust our expectations of others. If you genuinely want to help, offering assistance without expecting anything in return could be a more effective approach. This could potentially help to reduce any feelings of discomfort.

As for the leader, there seems to be a difference of opinion as to the best way to proceed. You feel that the approach taken is unfair and irresponsible. You think that the leader should be fair and responsible, but this is only your opinion, and in fact it is not.

If you pursue extreme fairness, you might consider focusing on your own work. You can refuse unreasonable work, but it would be helpful to take responsibility for the work within your scope of responsibility.

Ultimately, I hope that the suggestions I've outlined here will be helpful to you in navigating your situation.

It might be helpful to consider accepting your current job.

It's possible that you may have some resistance to your current job. You might feel like you're in a transitional phase or that your views on the job are temporary. It's understandable to want to express your frustration when you encounter something unsatisfactory or disagreeable at work, including having a differing opinion from your leader. However, if you find yourself arguing with your leader or feeling resistant to the job, it might be helpful to examine your own thoughts and feelings about it.

2. Perhaps it would be beneficial to adjust your expectations.

It's possible that you may have a different perception of your job duties, your leader's fairness and responsibility, and your colleagues' friendliness and kindness than what is actually the case. In many workplaces, absolute fairness may not be a reality. It might, therefore, be helpful to adjust your expectations accordingly.

3. It might be helpful to give yourself a fair assessment.

It's possible that you may feel that you have a significant character flaw because you are not happy at work and you frequently question your approach to life and work. This is further compounded by the negative comments from your relatives, which may lead you to doubt yourself even more. However, it might be helpful to focus on the advantages you have. Your easy-going personality also demonstrates that you are easy to get along with, so it could be beneficial to discover more of your strengths, affirm yourself, and encourage yourself.

I believe that with the right approach, you can get through any difficulties you may face in a smooth and constructive manner.

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you the best!

Hello! When you're ready to ask for help with your problems, you're already on the road to recovery. The road ahead is the road to your gradual ascent.

First of all, it's important to remember that you've changed jobs many times over the past ten years. This can be a good thing! It shows that you're capable of working.

Secondly, it seems like you might need a little help getting started with your work. Thirdly, you might not realize that learning new skills could make your career more competitive.

Secondly, you are a person with the ability to perceive problems and the desire to solve them. You can perceive your own problems and have the desire to solve them, but what is lacking is an effective start. Don't worry, though! This is something that can be learned.

So, from now on, go ahead and learn some useful skills! You never know when they might come in handy. For example, things like an A or B driving license, an advanced electrician's book, a fire safety certificate, etc., may not seem to have much to do with getting a good job directly, but if you have these skills, you may become indispensable in an organization, and this will have a positive impact on your treatment and interpersonal relationships.

Finally, try not to let the negative comments of your relatives get to you. We all have relatives like this, who are either envious of the rich and love the poor, or have a sharp tongue but a kind heart, or just don't know how to speak nicely. When it comes to the comments of the people around you, no matter who says them, the main thing is to see if what they say is true. If you agree with them, accept them; if you don't agree with them, just ignore them.

If you have a problem, don't fret! Just do your best to fix it. If you don't have a problem, that's great! Be encouraged. You know what they say: if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got. But if you make a change, you might just get something different!

So, you can definitely use those negative reviews as motivation!

I really hope this helps!