I'm getting a divorce, how can I pull myself together? Will I meet someone suitable again?

Divorce is tough on everyone involved. It's even more challenging when it's not due to emotional issues and the couple has to separate.

The questioner has looked at why the marriage ended, but I feel this review is not enough.

The marriage of the original poster may not have lasted long, but it has a very important place in their entire life. If you can look at it objectively and summarize it in a way that's easy to understand, it can have a significant positive impact on the original poster's future romantic life.

1. When did you realize that your views were different? Before you got married, when you first got married, or after you had children?

What's the trigger?

If you realized that your views differed before you got married and you even had arguments, what made you decide to get married and have children in the first place? Have you now discovered that it's almost impossible to change other people, regardless of how close you are?

2. From what I've read, it seems that the way the questioner and her husband resolve their disagreements is to "argue." I'm curious if they've tried other methods.

After getting married, both the husband and wife will change somewhat. They will become more relaxed and even "blurt out" things (no ill intent, just that they may no longer speak as thoughtfully as when they were in love, for fear of upsetting the other person). Sometimes one person may say something offhand, and the other person may become "provoked" by it. The quarrel between the two is actually about emotions.

It's about releasing negative emotions. It could be that they got scolded by their boss at work, or they got pushed by someone on the subway on their way home from work. These negative emotions find an outlet because of a word from their loved one; but often, the person who gets hurt is the closest person to them.

If you're having an argument about how to handle a situation and you're trying to find a solution, that's a good way to communicate. But if you're just getting into a fight because you're both feeling emotional, it's not going to help anyone.

3. What have you learned after going through marriage, having children, and divorce?

We all know that failure is a stepping stone to success, but it's not easy to bounce back after a setback. To learn from failure and avoid repeating mistakes, we need to identify what went wrong and what we could have done differently. This allows us to tackle similar challenges in the future with a more informed and flexible approach.

How do you get back on your feet?

Take a moment to reflect on the benefits and challenges of this relationship or marriage, as well as the lessons you've learned from it. This will help you approach similar relationships, including those with your partner's mother or your daughter-in-law, with a clearer perspective in the future.

As soon as you can, figure out if you can change the person or the problem. If not, decide how much you can accept and whether you and your partner can make up for the negative impact of the problem. Don't keep reopening the issue. When you've covered everything, close it and move on.

What can we do to make sure that divorce doesn't have a negative impact on children? It's important to think about things like money, care and companionship, and also the psychological impact.

This may require the cooperation of the husband. Do your best to make your child understand that their parents' separation is their problem and has nothing to do with the child; and that their love for their child will not diminish because of the separation.

Do you still think there'll be someone out there who's right for you?

It's tough to say if you'll meet the right person, since "suitable" is something you can't really put into words, you just know it when you feel it. Plus, what's suitable at one point in your life might not be at another.

It's crucial to take care of yourself—physically, mentally, and financially. The goal is to be in the best state possible, or to keep getting better every day.

If you meet the right person, you'll be happy together and support each other. If you don't, you can still live a good life on your own. That's perfectly fine!