I'm getting really confused. Is mom always angry for no reason?

Greetings, young person.

I have carefully considered your question and I am sending you a virtual embrace from across the digital divide.

As a child, one is unable to comprehend the entirety of one's mother's verbal and non-verbal communication. Additionally, the fear of being reprimanded and physically punished by one's mother is a common experience among children.

Fortunately, you are aware of the situation, recognize that it is your mother's problem, and have the courage to seek assistance and address your own concerns.

I would be delighted to engage in further discussion with you and hope that I can provide you with some degree of comfort and inspiration.

1. Distinguish between your mother and yourself.

It is not within an individual's power to select their own mother.

The subject's mother displays a tendency to become angry for no apparent reason. Additionally, she exhibits a reluctance to engage in domestic tasks such as washing dishes or cleaning the house. Furthermore, she frequently admonishes the subject in public settings. It is evident that the subject's mother lacks positive interpersonal skills and exhibits a lack of understanding regarding effective communication and conflict resolution.

She has become accustomed to utilizing you as an emotional receptacle.

"She reprimands me at every opportunity, deeming me useless and lazy for engaging in leisure activities. Her words and actions reflect her own emotional state, not yours."

As a result of the fact that the objective world is perceived differently by everyone.

Her disapproval of you is, in fact, a reflection of her own dissatisfaction and self-criticism.

It is possible that she may have an idealised image of the child or an idealised self in her mind. When these ideals are not met, conflicts may arise, and she may lash out or vent her feelings in order to feel better.

Once this kind of behavior has been understood, it is possible to discern the difference between the scolding of one's mother and one's own self-perception.

To illustrate, if the subject is told that they are useless, it is not the case that they are useless, but rather that the speaker is useless.

The perception of disobedience is not a reflection of one's intrinsic character, but rather a discrepancy between one's actions and the expectations set forth by the mother.

One might attempt to conceptualize one's mother's disparaging remarks as the transient gusts of wind that often pass by without leaving a tangible impression. It is crucial to recognize that one's identity is not contingent upon external validation, particularly from a parent.

It is imperative to reassure oneself that one's mother's words and actions will not continue to cause distress.

2. It is important to identify methods of expressing pent-up emotions.

The aforementioned methods are not straightforward for adults to implement, and they may be even more challenging for you.

It can be argued that mothers exert a significant influence on their children.

Parents represent a significant external influence in a child's life.

In the event that a mother is unable to provide her child with unconditional support and love, we will endeavor to mitigate the impact of her actions on the child.

Nevertheless, I am aware that this is a challenging process.

Please describe the nature of your relationship with your father.

It would be beneficial to engage in a constructive dialogue with your father if circumstances permit.

It is possible that confronting the same individual may facilitate a deeper comprehension of each other's sentiments, thereby fostering mutual encouragement to confront the issue collectively.

Furthermore, at school, whether one has reliable friends or a trusted teacher, seeking guidance from a dependable source can assist in the process of confronting and overcoming one's concerns.

Additionally, seeking guidance through this forum is an effective approach.

At times, articulating the concerns that occupy our thoughts can facilitate the expression of emotions, thereby providing a means of self-reflection and resolution.

It has the potential to alleviate negative emotional states.

3. Individuals possess inherent resources.

In the face of adversity and uncertainty, it is not necessary to take immediate action.

In lieu of this, one might inquire as to the means by which they managed to persevere.

In a manner analogous to the scolding and beating you endured at the hands of your mother during your formative years, how have you managed to persevere to the present day?

Please describe the coping mechanisms you employed during your formative years.

In the event of experiencing depressive symptoms, how do you cope?

Although I am aware that this may be a challenging concept for you to grasp, it is likely that you have also developed strategies for coping with a mother who exhibited such behavior.

The initial step is to safeguard one's own well-being.

It is imperative to cultivate self-care practices.

A core tenet of narrative therapy is the notion that each individual possesses the capacity to resolve their own issues.

It is imperative to have confidence in one's own abilities.

Once a problem has been identified, it is possible to implement strategies that will mitigate its impact.

Upon attaining a substantial amount of knowledge and enrolling in a new academic institution, one will encounter a broader range of individuals and experiences.

Furthermore, the influence of mothers will diminish.

I wish you the best of luck.

Should you be interested, you may wish to peruse the comic series entitled "Little Fred and the Ducklings," in which Xu Manman offers psychological insights. It is my hope that this will provide you with the strength you seek.

I extend my affection to the world and to you.

Hello! I'll give you a warm hug from afar first, and it'll be the best hug ever!

You've taken the first step to healing by recognizing the harm caused by your mother's lack of understanding, respect, acceptance, and affirmation. This has given you the power to feel your feelings and recognize the injustice, anger, helplessness, and powerlessness you've experienced. You're on your way to feeling loved, accepted, understood, affirmed, and supported!

I want to tell you something really important. Your relationship with others is often a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Your mom has a lot of dislike, denial, harshness, criticism, and non-acceptance of you and dad. It's not because you're not doing well. She may be using you to express and release her feelings of non-acceptance of her own internal self and frustration at being unable to change. She hasn't been aware of this part of her emotions of internal non-acceptance, so she's projected it onto the people closest to her, her family.

Once you've recognized the impact this part of your mother's emotions has had on you, you have the incredible opportunity to share your true feelings with her. This can be a powerful moment where you can express your needs and boundaries in a clear and loving way. By being open and honest, you can guide your mother towards a deeper understanding of her own emotions and behaviors. This can lead to a beautiful shift in the way she interacts with you and the entire family.

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum! The world and I love you!

Hello, question owner! I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for trusting us and being willing to tell us about your troubles so that we can find a solution. I can see that you don't understand why your mother is always angry for no reason. I understand your anxious heart, so I'll give you a hug and calm you down.

You're wondering what's going on with your mom. Let me fill you in.

1. Family

1. Mom

Authority

From my perspective,

You said that you've been afraid of being scolded by your mother since you were little. It seems like whenever you have a secret and don't tell her, she gets angry.

It seems like your mother is being a bit unreasonable, using her parental authority over you. She might be feeling neglected. You're thirteen now and starting to have your own friends and secrets, which you only share with close friends and not with your mother.

Your mother doesn't understand you at this age and still treats you like a child. She feels insecure and needs to know everything.

To Dad

You say, "But my mother is different. She's always been sarcastic with my father and has always bullied him. She also spends money recklessly."

She also puts down and dismisses Dad, aiming to boost her own status and avoid being replaced. The underlying issue is her fear of being ignored. This is a sign of insecurity.

Lazy

You say, "My mother doesn't want to cook, take care of the kids, wash the dishes, or clean the house. But she's either on her phone or asleep."

Mom is used to giving orders and doesn't seem to realize that she should also do things and take responsibility at home. You think her behavior is lazy.

I think we can all agree that blaming is not the answer.

You said, "Every day she talks about how tired she is and how easy it is for my father. She scolds my father every day, saying that it is not at all hard for him to let you go out to work. She says all kinds of nasty things, and even when she is out and about, she scolds me every step of the way. No one else can stand it and comes to persuade my mother."

It's evident that my mother is more focused on her own feelings and tends to overlook the feelings of others. She's somewhat self-centered.

She's always looking at other people's problems, but rarely at her own.

Education

You said, "She has the wrong approach to education. She scolds and beats a four-year-old child and blames me and the rest of the family."

As you mentioned, mom has some significant issues with education. People who only focus on the problems of others rarely take the time to assess their own challenges.

2. Dad

He's a gentle, considerate guy.

You said, "My father is now helping me find a school, and even though I haven't started yet, he is already feeling desperate. I can understand how he feels."

You can see how tough it is for your dad to find a school for you. He gets how you feel and what's going on at home, but he can't do much about it.

He's a good-natured, weak guy.

Given how your mother usually treats your father, he doesn't argue back either. Either he's very well-mannered or he's just too nice to stand up to her.

3. You

How you handle your emotions

You say, "I'm thirteen now, and I know I'm entering my rebellious phase. I'm suppressing my emotions and not arguing with her."

It's clear you're a good kid who's understanding and empathetic. Despite your mother's unreasonable and overbearing behavior, you still put up with it. You say you "suppress" your emotions and don't argue with her.

You're a sensible kid, but you tend to suppress your feelings.

Keep striving!

You say, "I will also study hard, but my mother just thinks I'm not behaving well. She scolds me whenever she sees me, and whenever she sees me she says I'm useless. Whenever I sleep late, she says I'm useless."

I can see that no matter how hard you try, you can never satisfy your mother. She's always judging and scolding you.

She never looks at your actual performance and doesn't consider your emotions and feelings.

Depression

You say, "I really don't want to engage with my mother right now. She doesn't seem to be open to hearing my opinion. She just keeps criticizing me, and I feel really sad. I don't know what to do. My life is pretty depressing."

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you a big hug. I'm here to support you and give you strength. It's tough when you feel depressed and misunderstood. The pain of not being noticed or cared for is really hard to bear. Your mother might not want to communicate because she doesn't want to hear your thoughts at all.

Once again, they see their mother as selfish and isolated.

2. Personality

1. Mom

From what you've said, it seems like your mother is a control-type with an aggressive personality.

Your mother has strong interactions with you and your family. She doesn't like it when you ignore her. If you have your own opinions, she gets angry and loses control.

People with a controlling personality want others to respect themselves and listen to their opinions. They often put others down and make themselves look better, making you feel inferior and that you should listen to them, in order to control you. The real side of a strong person is that they are inwardly empty and anxious. They lack a sense of security, so they use intimidation to scare you off.

People with radical personalities tend to have:

They're strong-willed, action-oriented, energetic, and achievement-oriented.

On the plus side, you're courageous and decisive, you persevere, you're not afraid of difficulties, and you're highly self-disciplined.

On the downside, you can be quite irritable, lack empathy, be stubborn and arrogant.

Your mom cares more about your face than anything else. She's used to leading and commanding others, and she has a strong desire for control and a need to achieve. So, she values your achievements more than your psychology.

She won't show you sympathy because she lacks empathy. She's stubborn, her dignity can't be violated or trampled upon, and she's complacent and arrogant. Authority can't be ignored at all. This is a true manifestation of her lack of security. You listen to her because she feels secure when she feels important and recognized.

2. You and your father

You think you and your father have similar personalities, and that you're both pleasing and melancholy types.

You know your mother's approach isn't right, but you're not ready for a direct conflict. You're just tolerating and avoiding conflicts to gain peace. You're taking care of your mother's emotions, but you're also struggling with your own depression and emotional backlog.

People with melancholy personalities have

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and a pursuit of truth and beauty.

On the plus side, you're delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, and talented and insightful.

On the downside, you can be a bit obsessive, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive.

You're sensitive to your mother's attitude, and you avoid the issue to avoid conflict. This approach doesn't help solve the problem and encourages your mother's bad temper to continue to fester, creating unrest in the family.

You can't fully express your own emotions, and they'll eventually come out.

3. Getting Along with Your Mother

1. Improving how you get along with each other

Effective communication

Avoiding problems isn't the way to resolve conflicts. The right approach is to communicate effectively and let your mother understand your situation and feelings.

Communication is basically the exchange of information. It's the whole process of sharing a message with someone with the hope that they'll respond in a certain way. If that happens, it's effective communication.

Communication includes both verbal and non-verbal messages, with the non-verbal part usually being more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is key for handling family relationships.

There are four steps to effective communication:

Step 1: Talk about your feelings, not your emotions.

Step 2: State what you want, not what you don't want. Let them know you're angry, not just that you're angry.

Step 3: State your needs, not your complaints. Don't let the other person guess what you want.

Step 4: Instead of complaining about the situation, focus on the end result.

Give this method a try when you're talking to your mother. She might get emotional at first, refuse to listen, keep scolding you, or say hurtful things.

It's fine to wait until your mother has finished talking before you continue the conversation.

If it doesn't work the first time, give it another shot. If it doesn't work the second time, try again. If it doesn't work the third time, it's not going to work. It's not until she can talk to you normally that your real communication begins.

It's important to learn to respect each other.

It's not about tolerating each other, but about treating each other as equals and respecting each other, speaking your mind and expressing your feelings. That's how you change the way you and your mother get along.

Sincerity and empathy are key.

When you're talking to your mother, show her you respect her and understand her. She'll feel more relaxed and be more open to what you have to say.

2. Have a Plan B.

?? Give her the benefit of the doubt.

Mothers show strength in every situation to save face and feel secure. When you spend time with your mother, try to protect her feelings as much as possible and praise her for what she says that is reasonable.

If you mess up, own up to it and don't make a fuss.

?? Leave room for maneuver.

Have a Plan B for everything, don't make empty promises, and give your mother time and opportunities to make mistakes. And have an exit strategy in case things don't work out.

No blame.

Nobody's perfect, including mommy. It's okay to make mistakes and not hold anyone responsible.

Even if it's your mom who made a mistake, just show her understanding.

3. Show your mom some love and attention.

Your mother is strong because she doesn't get your approval or attention. She doesn't feel loved or cared for. You can start now:

Show your mother that you care about what she thinks.

Be aware of your mother's thoughts and let her know you're listening. Over time, the truth will come out.

As a result, you'll be able to connect with your mother on a deeper level and care for each other.

Keep an eye on how your mother behaves.

If you don't give your mother feedback and affirmation, she'll feel insecure and full of fear. Give her positive feedback so she knows her abilities and value, so she can focus on her own work and stop worrying about other people's thoughts.

Her worrying will go down, and so will her blaming.

4. Give her what she needs in terms of love.

It's important to understand her need for love, that is, what the expression of love is, and give it to her, and she will feel secure.

The expression of love is also known as the five languages of love. We all understand love differently, and the way we express and receive love is likely to be different as well.

Dr. Gary Chapman says there are five main ways people express and receive love: "affirming words," "quality time," "gifts," "acts of service," and "physical touch."

Affirming words

No matter if you're friends, colleagues, lovers, or married, you need to hear praise and affirmation. Giving more positive feedback can really help deepen your relationship.

Moments of attention are great for building connections.

A thoughtful moment is a great time to share a wonderful memory, like a candlelit dinner or doing something meaningful together. Make sure you give your full attention to the other person during this time.

?? Accepting gifts

Giving and receiving gifts on special occasions is a great way to strengthen relationships. It's not just about the gift itself, but also the ritual of exchanging it.

Service actions

In a nutshell, it means doing what the other person wants you to do and making them happy by helping them out. These kinds of things are often small things in life.

Physical contact

Holding hands, hugging, and other forms of physical contact can increase the affection between you and your colleague, and are a way of showing love and affection.

Once you know how to show your mom love, you can make her a gift that's just for her. When your mom feels your love, she'll show it back to you.

I truly believe that love can heal and change everything. With your love, I'm sure your mother will become the person you want her to be.

Topic master, evasion and retreat have never been the best way to solve problems. Being proactive and finding ways to resolve conflicts and problems is something you need to practice now. I sincerely hope you see this day.

I wish the original poster all the best!

Hello, child!

I call you this because, as your father, I see you as a wounded "fawn." You walk around with your head down, irritable and anxious.

I will comfort you, pat you, and hug you.

I will comfort you, pat you, and give you a hug.

A child who grows up with his mother's scolding will undoubtedly suffer a "tsunami and earthquake" level of internal trauma. It's inconceivable that his life wouldn't be depressing.

Psychological psychoanalytic object relations theory is clear: a person's growth and personality development are of the utmost importance, and the quality of the relationship with the caregiver (mainly the mother) in childhood is of equal importance. It is therefore indisputable that when you were a child, your mother's abuse of you and your inner growth must have had an impact.

We must stop the damage in time and reduce this kind of harm between you and your mother.

First, you need to find out what causes your mother to swear at you, neglect her housework, and neglect her children.

You need to find out what makes a mother's temper so short.

You need to find out what makes a mother's temper so short.

I'll let you in on a secret: your mother's behaviour is influenced by your father.

I'll let you in on a secret: the person who changes your mother is, apart from you, your father.

The best gift a father can give his child is to love his mother. When parents get along well, the mother's mood is smooth, and she will not vent her bad temper on the child. She will be gentle with the child.

You need to observe whether your father cares for and loves your mother in their daily lives. You can also talk to him about it and ask him to hug your mother more often.

Secondly, I want to know how you get along with your mother.

Secondly, I want to know how you get along with your mother.

You said you were thirteen years old and going through a rebellious phase.

You said you are thirteen years old and in the rebellious stage of adolescence.

You may look like an adult physically, but you are still a child psychologically. This makes it difficult to communicate with your parents in a stormy manner.

Find a time when your mother is in a good mood and have a good chat with her. Tell her how you feel and that you don't want to be scolded. Tell her that although she always scolds you, she is still your mother and you love her.

Your mother understands you.

I am certain that she loves you very much, but the way she shows it is not acceptable to you.

Third, find your father. When you have time, the three of you should get together at home or go out for a meal or go out and play together. When family members are harmonious, the family's momentum flows smoothly, and sunshine fills the home.

You will find your father. When you have time, the three of you should get together at home or go out for a meal or go out and play together. When the family members are harmonious, the family's momentum will flow smoothly, and

Above all, I know your studies will be successful, and I know your family will be full of sunshine.

I love you, my child, and so does the world!