I'm having a cold war with my boyfriend. There are always some "green tea" women around him. What should I do?

Hello, I'm happy to answer your question. I hope my suggestions help.

You and your boyfriend don't have any problems. You just have different ideas about social interactions.

We can't judge whether someone is acting green tea. Men can't tell when a woman is acting green tea, and women can't tell when a man is acting green tea.

It's a physiological and gender characteristic. As girls, we know where our abilities lie. Once we break through this, we can see it's abnormal.

But we don't know what normal behavior for boys is, so we don't know when something is abnormal.

Boys don't know what girls are like. When girls act differently, they don't know if it's normal or not.

If someone asks for help, we help them.

Boys are dominant, while girls are weak. It's natural to think that if a girl can't open a bottle cap, someone should help her.

From a girl's perspective, we compare girls to elementary school students. When an elementary school student says, "Sister, I can't open this bottle cap. Can you help me?" we question whether the child is being lazy or really can't open it and needs help.

From a boy's perspective, girls are vulnerable and not as strong as boys. So a boy will help them when he can.

Our boyfriend can't tell the difference either. We haven't encountered male green tea in our daily lives yet.

Secondly, we have to deal with it and not let it become an emotional issue. We can't tell the difference between normal and green tea behavior. We can even turn it into a funny thing to ease the relationship.

If we make a conflict emotional, we become those green tea people.

Green tea creates misunderstandings, unhappiness, and even breakups between couples. This gives people a chance to move up or show how kind, generous, and considerate they are.

If we're unkind, it confirms their approach.

We need to be more reasonable and gentle to help our boyfriend understand why we think that girl is a green tea.

For example, we can ask friends of the opposite sex or friends of the boyfriend who have a good relationship with us to help us. We can ask the boyfriend's friend, "Is my boyfriend in a bad mood lately?"

We can use tricks to get my boyfriend to ask if he'd feel uncomfortable.

Will he see this as normal or a boundary issue?

We can tell our boyfriend that we're here to help. If she needs help, we can help her. For example, if she needs to open a bottle cap, she can come to me. If I can't open it, I can come to you and you can open it.

If the girl goes to my boyfriend, that's the problem. He's crossed the line between male and female socializing.

I went to chat with my boyfriend's male friends without even thinking about my boyfriend. This made people feel uncomfortable.

The problem is that we and our boyfriends are good people. We wouldn't turn away from a girl in need or ignore his ex when she's in trouble. It's how things are handled that causes problems.

We just need to communicate and find a way to handle things that is more acceptable to ourselves and our boyfriends.

It all comes down to the essence of the problem.

The problem is that there's a girl.

This girl seemed strange at first, but then I realized she was not a green tea. She may not be common or normal in some ways. We can't say if her life is bad just because we don't know her.

I don't understand how a girl can want all the opposite sex at once. It's not that I like A, so I'd break up with their girlfriend and date A. It's that I like all the opposite sex and want them all, even if they have girlfriends or like me.

This part will be strange, but we can talk about it with our boyfriend.

Ask your boyfriend if he's curious or excited about meeting this girl. If he wants to have sex with someone other than his girlfriend, it's about loyalty and how he sees sex. We need to talk.

If a boyfriend likes a girl and wants to be with her, we need to talk about whether we still love each other. If we don't, we need to talk about breaking up before starting a second relationship. We can either cheat or move on, but neither is good.

Ask your boyfriend if he knows anything about the girl. If he knows she's slept with all his brothers, ask if he can accept her as a partner or if he'd sleep with her.

These two things help us understand the man and whether he's right for me.

We must first decide what we want from marriage and love. You still hope for a better outcome with him. We need to pay more attention to our partner's views on marriage and love.

A woman like this can help us understand our boyfriend better. We can see what he's like, how he deals with things, and how we can support him.

If you handle this well, you'll know each other better and be closer. You'll also know how to deal with it in the future.

If this matter is not handled well, we can learn more about ourselves and the other person. We can understand our relationship better.

I hope you can find a better way to deal with it through self-reflection and communication with your partner.

I love you!

Dear questioner, I'm Peilv, and I'm so excited to help you!

First, give you a big, warm hug ♥️

? Romantic relationship

Let's dive into the data and see what we can learn!

Let me tell you about this fascinating situation! You had an argument with your boyfriend over a "green tea girl." You had warned him about it, but when it actually happened, his behavior did not meet your expectations. He even used cold violence against you! You were very disappointed and hurt, and didn't know how to deal with it properly. You were worried that the unresolved issue would damage your relationship and that he would leave you.

Let's dive into the reason analysis!

Let's talk about conflict!

Oh my goodness, you were so mad! You saw a girl sitting between your boyfriend and another guy and thought she was intentionally approaching him. You were so upset, you gave your boyfriend a good scolding. You were just trying to make sure he knew to maintain a sense of boundaries with other girls in the future so as not to give people an opportunity to take advantage of the situation.

And his actions—defending the girl, changing the wallpaper, and including cold violence against you—may be an expression of anger and dissatisfaction with you. He may be thinking that you are being unreasonable and distrustful of him. Or, he may be trying to escape, not knowing how to face and resolve the conflict between you. Either way, he's avoiding a direct conflict with you!

I'm so excited to share some personal advice with you!

Communication

It doesn't matter what he's thinking or how he's acting, there's no way that cold violence is going to help you solve your relationship problems. His refusal to communicate and exclude you from the relationship might seem calm on the surface, but it's actually going to hurt your relationship and deepen the gap and conflicts between you. So, it's time to face the problem head-on and have a frank and equal conversation with him. Listen to his true thoughts, and be careful not to accuse him during the conversation. Just focus on expressing your feelings and expectations for him.

Trust is the key to a happy, healthy relationship!

The challenges in your relationship are totally surmountable! How you face temptation and deal with conflicts is what will make or break your relationship. You can make your relationship strong enough to withstand various tests and continue to move forward together. All you have to do is handle temptation and conflict in a rational, confident way. And remember, trust in your partner is very important at this time. If you lose your head, you might give the third party an opportunity to take advantage. But if you stay calm and collected, you can weather any storm!

?

The world and I love you!

Hello! I'm Coach Yu, and I'd love to chat with you about this topic.

Our emotional perception is our ability to recognize, control, and regulate our emotions. It's also a wonderful manifestation of emotional intelligence!

In "The Plastic Me," Chen Jiejun writes that many people find it tough to handle things or emotions because they get them all mixed up.

Have you ever wondered what feelings are? Well, they are the physical and emotional responses of our bodies to what is going on around us.

For example, if someone stabs you with a needle, you feel pain; if the north wind blows in winter, you feel cold. It's so interesting how our feelings include reactions to both external and internal stimuli!

As the questioner wrote, I had a bit of a rough patch with my boyfriend, but we're on better terms now. I still get anxious when we have unresolved issues, though.

Have you ever wondered what emotion is? Well, it's simply people's reaction to feelings.

For instance, when it's really hot outside, your palms will start to sweat, your heart will beat faster, and you'll feel excited or irritable. Emotions and feelings usually respond through the peripheral nervous system of the nervous system.

As the questioner wrote, I can't help but see him, but I feel a little anxious.

Now, let's think about thoughts. Thoughts are how we understand and make sense of our feelings and emotions.

Our thoughts usually come from the central nervous system, because they involve understanding and interpretation.

As the questioner wrote, I'm feeling a bit worried that maybe he doesn't love me anymore and is secretly planning to move out.

Next, we take another look at the situation to see if we can understand the emotional changes in ourselves and our boyfriend. Once we've done that, we can manage and express our emotions, which helps us to know and understand ourselves better.

Oh my, what do we feel and think when we find out that a female colleague wants to chat with our boyfriend? Well, that female colleague is a green tea, and she doesn't want our boyfriend to interact with her.

We can even ask ourselves if our sweetheart is more of an extrovert. Does he get along well with his colleagues?

It can be really uncomfortable when we see that female colleague sitting between our boyfriend and another guy. It feels like our boundaries have been violated, and we don't like it one bit!

It's always a good idea to ask yourself: What is the ideal boyfriend like? And what is the ideal intimate relationship like?

I'd love to know what my boundaries are and what I can do.

After a few days of arguing with my boyfriend and ending up in a cold war, I feel like he doesn't understand my thoughts. I'm starting to wonder if he still loves me.

Could he be planning to move on secretly? We can ask ourselves, what is it about ourselves that we feel our partner doesn't love us anymore?

If you feel like your boyfriend is secretly planning to move in with you, what do you really need? We can also ask ourselves, if we share our anxiety right now, what would it tell us?

So, feelings, emotions, and thoughts are actually the way our nervous system and brain work together. When everything is working smoothly, you feel calm inside.

We can have a heart-to-heart conversation with our boyfriend because we've known, gotten to know, and fallen in love with each other. We've also lived together for a while, so we can express our thoughts and concerns with each other honestly. We've learned to love each other and can establish a beautiful and lasting intimate relationship. So we can honestly express our dissatisfaction with our boyfriend's blurred boundaries with the opposite sex. We can hope that he can make some promises and take action.

It's also a great idea to listen to your boyfriend and hear what he's thinking and what he's hoping for from you. When we communicate well, it helps us feel understood and it can even bring us closer together!

If you're struggling with something, it's okay to ask for help. It's not always easy to overcome challenges on our own, and that's okay. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor. It's important to have someone you can turn to when you're feeling overwhelmed or down.

We must also empower ourselves. Any change begins with ourselves. It's so important to cultivate our own interests and hobbies, enrich our inner knowledge, and establish our own evaluation system. When your core is strong and stable, the people around you will naturally be intimate with you.

I'd highly recommend reading "Intimacy, Achieving Soulmates"!

Hello!

"I'm having a cold war with my boyfriend. There are always some "green tea" women around him. What should I do?"

I'm excited to say that the conclusion most people have drawn from their experiences—that it's best to avoid getting involved with girlfriends—is partly true and has social recognition!

The "interpersonal relationship circle" is what determines the distance between people's boundaries — it's a fascinating concept!

So, the female colleague who often likes to blur boundaries and constantly "wanders" among men is definitely not a completely "innocent" existence! She has a responsibility to respect the identity of others (including their girlfriends) and to be more careful about boundaries with the opposite sex.

From her words and actions (sleeping with her boyfriend's brothers), it's clear she enjoys this ambiguous way of getting along with the opposite sex. This also shows she has a casual attitude towards herself and intimate relationships. She may not even be clear about her real needs, which makes her all the more intriguing!

However, from an attachment perspective, she may not be able to maintain her independence, and therefore become more attached to the opposite sex or other people who are more capable than herself – which could lead to some fascinating new relationships!

Therefore, it can be inferred that an intimate relationship with a female colleague may arise under distorted perceptions, which is an exciting possibility! Given the boyfriend's current lack of clarity about the personality of the opposite sex and his unclear sense of boundaries, coupled with his high level of empathy, this could be an amazing turn of events.

The reason is not only because the questioner is not vigilant enough. Apart from the boyfriend's own problem of unclear boundaries, and in addition, the boyfriend is dominated by male thinking, coupled with a lack of experience and inexperience, it is easy for him to make poor judgments about the current situation, and his rationality has not yet come into full play. But here's the good news! This is an opportunity for growth and learning.

How can we make the best of this situation?

We can't change or stop the heart from "cheating," like a boyfriend's inner desire for other women and perceptions. But we can prevent and reduce self-harm! How? By maintaining independence in relationships and adhering to emotional principles and bottom lines. And to uphold the bottom line of intimacy is to respect the relationship and recognize your partner. This way, you can create a true trusting relationship and it'll likely develop in a positive direction!

So, let's get started! First, you need to clearly inform your boyfriend of your principles and bottom line regarding intimacy. This way, he'll know exactly what's expected of him (and he'll be happy to agree!). Then, in the next normal social situation, as long as he's in tune with his subconscious and self-awareness, he'll be totally on top of things and won't behave in a way that's likely to harm his partner.

For example, when the female colleague interviews him, he will instinctively sense a crisis (worry about his girlfriend's feelings and reactions) and respond more convincingly and reasonably in normal social situations. This is a great opportunity for him to show his girlfriend how much he cares about her and that he's a reliable, thoughtful partner.

Second, respect yourself and stand by your principles. Women are a sentimental group, which makes them always unable to get the main point of their rights and interests and self-protection, and passively defend them. Men who lack understanding usually perceive this as the bottom line of their partners, and the communication gap and trust between them grows bigger and bigger. But don't worry! There's a way to bridge this gap.

The questioner's love for her boyfriend is so strong that it outweighs her own self-care. The fear of being left has inspired her boyfriend to extend his attention outward, noticing the female colleague's inner worries and vulnerable situation. However, there's still room for improvement in noticing the serious anxiety in her girlfriend's face caused by her own out-of-line behavior.

Once you've established the principles and requirements in your intimate relationship, it's time to let go of excessive worries and focus on loving yourself! For instance, if your partner hurts you with words or actions because of their "cheating," even if there's no actual behavior, but they repeatedly ignore your feelings and frequently cross the line, it's important to clarify your attitude towards the principles and bottom line. If you break off the relationship, a mature person of the opposite sex will understand the meaning of such "punishment" and commitment!

On the condition that you align your thoughts, a female colleague will be nothing more than a minor blip on the radar. What remains unchanged is the rock-solid foundation of your feelings and your love for each other.

And the above!

I really hope this answer can inspire you in some way!

I wish you all the happiness in the world! ?

Hello, I'm Xia Fan, a listening coach. I can feel your anxiety and confusion, so let me give you a hug.

Your boyfriend is always with "green tea girls," which makes you feel insecure. Your boyfriend's lack of firmness towards this female colleague will make you feel disappointed and hurt. I understand.

We can try to improve in two ways:

It can feel helpless to face women like this. They lack self-confidence and need approval. Even if they leave, there may be another one next time. You don't know how to maintain your relationship with your boyfriend. You are also worried about being hurt and losing him. Can you understand your frustration?

The most important things in a relationship are trust, respect, and a deep emotional connection. This is the only way to strengthen your relationship. We still need to find a time to communicate with my boyfriend. Communication includes: 1. You need your partner to set clear boundaries with others and give you security, so you can trust each other; 2. You also need to give your partner freedom and try to understand each other, because men and women think differently.

Both people can show more love and care for each other every day. They can also talk about problems quickly when they come up. This helps them understand each other better and their relationship gets stronger.

I suggest reading "Intimacy" and "The Five Languages of Love." Best wishes!

The questioner's behavior indicates a high level of attachment to her boyfriend and a strong emotional response when other women approach him. Her actions suggest a lack of trust in her boyfriend and a desire for control. It is possible that her anger when her boyfriend is close to other women is driven by a sense of insecurity and a fear that he will abandon her for another woman.

It is essential that both individuals in a relationship possess a sufficient degree of trust in one another. In the absence of trust, even seemingly inconsequential matters can give rise to suspicion and questioning, which can have a detrimental impact on the relationship.

From the situation described by the questioner, it appears that her boyfriend still cares about her to a considerable extent. However, it seems that there are some issues with her attitude and approach in their relationship, which make her boyfriend feel uncomfortable. In particular, scolding her boyfriend is not in line with the way a girlfriend treats her boyfriend; it is more akin to a mother lecturing her son. This is something the questioner is not aware of. It is also these things that make her boyfriend suppress his inner emotions and feel cold violence towards her. Therefore, if the questioner wants to get along well with her boyfriend, she must learn to reflect on whether her words and actions towards her boyfriend are in line with the role of a girlfriend.

In order for a romantic partner to respect, trust, understand, recognize, accept, and treat their partner well, it is essential that they first respect, trust, understand, recognize, accept, and treat themselves and their partner well. The relationship between a romantic partner and a friend is characterized by an equal exchange of emotions and close cooperation. It is only through maintaining this state of cognitive thinking and getting along with each other that the emotional relationship between the two individuals will develop more stably and progress further.

The aforementioned opinions are solely those of the author and are intended for the questioner's reference only.

In regard to the question of whether the boyfriend has a green tea girl by his side, the answer has already been provided by the boyfriend. However, the questioner remains unconvinced. It is this writer's opinion that the questioner would be well advised to place her trust in her boyfriend while also expressing her feelings and expectations regarding his relationship with this other woman. This approach would enable her to leave the matter in his hands while also demonstrating her trust in him.

This approach will facilitate greater relaxation for both the questioner and her boyfriend, while allowing the relationship to develop without undue influence.

From the description provided, it appears that your boyfriend does not exhibit a clear aversion to the approach of other women. Despite his perception of himself as unsuitable for a deep relationship with a girl, he does not appear to consider the possibility of her developing into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

Nevertheless, it is evident that he is not disinclined to engage with women who initiate contact, which may be indicative of a fundamental biological imperative among some males for external attention and proximity to the female sex.

When one attempts to maintain a certain distance from other members of the opposite sex, the individual may become resentful and engage in cold violence towards the other. This may indicate that the individual feels negatively about being restricted or controlled and is dissatisfied because the demands placed upon them do not meet their expectations.

In psychology, the concept of "autonomy" is defined as an individual's control and freedom over their own actions and decisions. When an individual perceives a threat to their autonomy, it can elicit negative emotions and a tendency to engage in rebellious behavior.

In this scenario, it is possible that your boyfriend may perceive a violation of his autonomy, which could result in feelings of resentment and antagonism.

Furthermore, men may engage in self-protective behaviors when confronted with emotional challenges. This may manifest as an attempt to conceal their genuine emotions to prevent the perception of weakness or dependence.

This self-protection mechanism may manifest itself in apathy and cold violence, and may be hidden behind a sense of frustration at not being able to control the situation and a damaged self-esteem.

It is possible that your boyfriend cares about his autonomy and freedom. When he feels restricted or subjected to demands that do not meet his expectations, he may experience negative emotions and resentment. He may desire external attention and recognition, but he may also wish to maintain a certain degree of freedom and independence.

In the event that he perceives a threat to his autonomy, he may resort to cold violence as a means of expressing his dissatisfaction and resentment.

It must be acknowledged that the aforementioned observations represent a mere hypothesis regarding the psychological state of the subject in question. To ascertain a more accurate conclusion, a more comprehensive understanding and analysis is necessary. To gain a more nuanced understanding of his psychological state, it is recommended that you engage in open and honest communication with him to explore each other's thoughts and feelings.

A series of troubling issues have arisen in the relationship, involving trust, respect, and communication. Each issue will be analyzed in turn, with advice provided.

Firstly, with regard to the "green tea" women, it is understandable that you are concerned about the proximity of some female friends around you to your boyfriend.

It is important to note, however, that greater attention should be paid to the attitude and behavior of the boyfriend in question, rather than focusing unduly on the movements of the other women. While the boyfriend may be aware of certain details about these women, they are not the primary issue in the relationship.

The primary concern is the attitude and approach of the boyfriend in question.

Secondly, the relationship between the subject and the female colleague presents a significant communication challenge.

First and foremost, it is evident that there is a discrepancy between your expectations and your boyfriend's subsequent actions. This suggests the presence of underlying issues pertaining to communication and trust within the relationship.

Furthermore, your boyfriend has demonstrated a lack of attention to and comprehension of your concerns, resorting instead to cold violence, which is a highly problematic issue.

It is recommended that an honest conversation be held regarding the aforementioned issues. During this conversation, it would be beneficial for you to describe your concerns and confusions in detail, from your own feelings and perspectives.

Additionally, it is imperative to actively listen to his explanations and perspectives. This will facilitate a more comprehensive understanding of each other's thoughts, identify shared interests and goals, and ultimately lead to a mutually beneficial resolution.

It is of the utmost importance that both parties adhere to the principles of rationality and equality throughout this process.

It is recommended that the issue be discussed in depth once the emotional state has been stabilized. During this discussion, it would be beneficial to convey to the individual in question that you trust and support him, and that you hope he will also demonstrate understanding and respect for your feelings.

Furthermore, it is advisable to encourage him to express his thoughts and feelings. Through such communication, a more rational understanding of each other can be achieved, thereby facilitating the identification of superior solutions.

In addition to communication and understanding, it is recommended that clear boundaries and rules be set when dealing with similar situations. For example, principles for interacting with friends of the opposite sex, including the avoidance of intimate conversations and spending time alone with them, can be agreed upon.

This will result in a reduction of misunderstandings and disputes, while simultaneously leading to an increase in trust and respect for one another.

It is imperative to remain calm and rational when confronted with challenges. It is crucial to refrain from allowing emotions to impede sound judgment and actions. The ability to regulate emotions and engage in conflict resolution with a rational and mature approach is essential.

Furthermore, it is essential to cultivate tolerance and understanding of each other, respecting the autonomy and personal space of one's partner, in order to maintain and nurture a healthy romantic relationship.

It is recommended that you actively seek support for your psychological state. This may include talking to friends or family members with whom you feel comfortable and who can provide you with a safe space to express your confusion and anxiety.

It is crucial to recognize that maintaining a healthy state of mind and emotions is fundamental to effective problem-solving.

In conclusion, the resolution of conflicts and difficulties in a relationship necessitates collaborative efforts, mutual comprehension, and the provision of assistance from both parties. Through transparent communication, the establishment of explicit boundaries and regulations, and the utilization of professional guidance, the resolution of issues, the restoration of mutual trust, and the advancement of relationship stability and positive development can be achieved.

It is my sincere hope that you will soon find a solution to your problems and that your relationship will be happy and harmonious.

This is a complex and sensitive issue, especially in the face of your boyfriend's "green tea" girl and the cold war between you. First of all, it is important to understand that everyone may have different views on friendship and boundaries, and communication and trust are the key to resolving such issues. The good news is that there are ways you can work through this together! Here are some suggestions to help you deal with the current situation:

1. **Calm communication**: Choose an appropriate time when you are both feeling calm and have a frank conversation with your boyfriend. Express your feelings and concerns, and then listen to his views and feelings.

2. **Set boundaries**: This is an exciting step! Discuss and set boundaries that are acceptable to both of you, especially regarding contact with other women. Boundaries should be set based on mutual respect and understanding.

3. **Trust and respect**: Building and maintaining trust is an important part of any relationship. Express your trust in your boyfriend and also ask him to respect your feelings.

4. Avoid accusations: When discussing these issues, try to avoid accusing your partner. This may cause them to become defensive, which is the last thing you want! Instead, focus on problem solving.

5. Pay attention to behavior: It's so important to pay attention to whether your boyfriend's behavior is consistent with his commitment to the relationship. If his behavior makes you feel uneasy, it is definitely worth discussing it together!

6. **Deal with insecurities**: It's time to conquer your insecurities! Explore them, understand their roots, and find ways to kick them to the curb. If you need a little extra help, professional psychological counseling is a great option.

7. Personal space: Even if you live together, it's still important to give each other some space. Having your own space helps keep the relationship fresh and exciting!

8. Shared interests: Developing common interests and activities is a great way to strengthen your bond and understanding!

9. **Professional advice**: If your problems persist, consider seeking help from a couples counselor or a psychologist. They can provide more specific guidance and advice that will help you and your partner work through your issues together!

10. **Self-care**: You've got this! Don't forget to take care of yourself during this process. Maintaining healthy habits and developing personal interests will help you keep a clear head when dealing with relationship issues.

Every relationship has its challenges, but you can overcome them together! Communication, setting boundaries, and building trust are the keys to success. When you face problems head-on and work through them together, you'll build a stronger relationship.

Good morning,

It is important to note that honest and straightforward girls are no match for green tea. This is not a reflection of any fault on your part.

You have informed your boyfriend of the outcome, which has aroused his curiosity. The cat wants to steal the fish, but it is irrelevant which fish is involved, as long as it is stolen. He may be aware of his intentions. Some situations are akin to pulling up your pants and not admitting it. However, you are overly serious.

From this point forward, present yourself in a professional manner and demonstrate to those around you that you are in control of the situation. It is essential to maintain confidence in yourself and your abilities.

It is not possible to stop a cat from flirting. There is no need to worry about it. Set out your position clearly and then get on with your work. If you are feeling unhappy, you do not have to accommodate everyone else. Your happiness is the most important thing.

If the fish is a source of significant concern, it may be helpful to consider the following analogy: using a borrowed knife to kill someone. The fish represents someone who is engaging in relationships with multiple individuals, and the outcome is uncertain. It is possible that your current romantic partner may be replaced by someone else.

Please advise.

It is important to note that the issues you are facing are not merely superficial. Rather, they pertain to your own state of mind. The way you fight for your love with high morale will be perceived by others as brave by some and foolish by others.

Individuals who view you as courageous are those who prioritize romantic relationships as their sole life objective. However, love is just one aspect of life. In reality, those who are loved by you are not dependent on your efforts, while those who are not loved will lose everything, even if they try their best.

The most prudent decision is to observe without comment and then select the option that is most advantageous for you and your future. The other considerations are inconsequential. If you develop your capabilities and become more capable, you will not be concerned with the relatively minor issue of who leaves whom.

After all, you have been focusing your attention on your boyfriend to the exclusion of other matters. He has fulfilled all of his obligations, and then he has behaved in a way that is annoying to you. What should you do in this situation?

To maintain composure and resolve issues in a decisive manner, it is essential to view your romantic partner from the objective standpoint of a bystander.

Hello, I'm Super Sister from Yixinli.

Men and women think differently. We can identify things from our perspective, but they can't. They also can't understand our emotions and thoughts.

You can choose your own actions. We can talk about this together this afternoon.

Your boyfriend and you have different opinions about the "female friend." One reason is that she acts differently in front of you.

People see different things in a star fruit, like a vulnerable girl or a scheming woman. There's nothing wrong with this because people are complex.

Your boyfriend is like anyone else. He has tender and considerate moments, but also harsh words that hurt.

Make your boyfriend gentle and considerate in front of you. Let him know you're on the same team.

Try to understand why your boyfriend is acting this way. If you keep rejecting him, he'll push you away.

When you understand him, you and your boyfriend are united. You can ask that friend to call you when she's down and go with your boyfriend to comfort her.

The other person is like green tea, and you are like tea that's very gentle and considerate. In front of your boyfriend, you don't talk about other people, only about what you want from them.

Some people will try to start arguments with you and your boyfriend. At this time, you need to calm down, understand why they're acting this way, and respond in the right way.

If you have love, these are minor problems that can strengthen your relationship. Pick a time when you are relaxed, communicate your love for your boyfriend, keep your boundaries, and don't doubt your boyfriend's actions.

And finally, trust yourself. You can handle anything that happens.

Hello, I've read your question. As a bystander, I felt obvious discomfort when I read your description of the "green tea girl" who wants to get close to your boyfriend: "This 'green tea girl' is so obvious in her intentions," and it's hateful that your boyfriend pretends to be ignorant.

You know you're angry, aggrieved, and sad inside.

You were telling the truth, and you were the one who was hurt the most. Your boyfriend responded with cold violence.

Why?

You don't see the truth clearly. Your boyfriend actually enjoys the flirtation with that girl. He also wants to keep in touch with that girl, so he must never admit that the girl is a "green tea" or that she is trying to seduce him.

He's your boyfriend, so there's no reason for him to keep in touch with her.

He can only cover their interactions with a fig leaf by firmly denying that the other person is a "green tea girl." You've been pulling at this fig leaf to prove the girl's "green tea" attributes, unaware that while you're exposing her, you're also making your boyfriend feel threatened and humiliated.

A person in a state of anger and frustration will attack others. Your boyfriend attacks you in a very subtle way: it's cold violence.

What do you do?

You need to start thinking about your relationship. You need to decide what love means to you and what kind of intimate partner you want for yourself.

You also need to communicate with him about his views on relationships. Find out how he views your relationship.

You need to figure out how similar your views on love are. This will help you re-evaluate your relationship.

If you still want to salvage your relationship, you need to make changes.

You may feel innocent, but the fact is that the person who made the mistake is incapable of changing. In a relationship, whoever is suffering changes first.

You need to change.

1. Uphold his dignity.

Stop obsessing about whether the girl is a "green tea" girl or not. You're making it easy for him to ignore you. The only sense of guilt he has towards you disappears when you accuse him, because he has to deal with your accusations and "humiliations."

If you keep piling on the guilt and accusations, he'll just use them against you. He'll return the extra 2 points you're adding to his guilt by attacking you. And you know what that means for your relationship.

Stop the "civil war" between you.

2. Make your feelings and needs known.

Tell me, what are your feelings when you see the "green tea girl" contacting him? Anxiety?

Are you feeling angry and humiliated? Disappointed and sad?

Tell him what you expect from him and how you want to handle your relationship.

Tell him how you feel and what you want, not what you think he did wrong.

3. Reflect on your relationship. He needs to stop flirting with other girls when he has a girlfriend.

He needs something from you. What can you do for him?

Are you willing to do it?

This is my answer, and I hope it helps.

Dear Question Asker, My name is Evan, and I am a counselor trained in the Transactional Analysis school.

From the description provided, it is evident that the questioner is experiencing negative emotions regarding her current intimate relationship with her boyfriend, including confusion and anxiety.

The issue at hand involves a number of factors, including trust, communication, understanding, and approach. In any intimate relationship, there are inevitably a number of needs on both sides, and it is often the case that the majority of arguments or conflicts arise from a failure to reasonably address the needs of both parties.

I empathize with the concerns and anxieties expressed by the questioner. Trust issues in relationships are often complex, particularly when other individuals with potential influence are involved.

Regarding the source of the conflict between the questioner and her boyfriend, I will provide a brief analysis here:

Firstly, the questioner must ascertain whether she still trusts her boyfriend. If she suspects him of infidelity or other misdemeanours, the relationship is already compromised.

This could be attributed to his behavior or to your own insecurity. However, it appears from the description that he is attempting to avoid excessive contact with this female colleague and chose to leave immediately upon realizing that the questioner would be angry.

This may indicate that he does care about the feelings of the questioner. It is important to note that trust is based on the behavior and communication of both parties.

There appears to be a communication barrier between the questioner and her boyfriend. The questioner's concerns and anxieties are not fully understood by him, and he may also feel misunderstood and aggrieved.

There seems to be a lack of consensus regarding the handling of the "green tea" female colleague, which may have resulted in miscommunications and resentment. Effective communication is crucial in any relationship, particularly when addressing potential infidelity or misunderstandings.

When emotions are running high, it is challenging for both parties to accurately discern the other's genuine thoughts. I recommend that when you are calm, you attempt to express your feelings and concerns in a more composed manner, rather than directly reprimanding him.

You can say, "I agree with you on this issue regarding the female colleague. How should we maintain a professional boundary with this female colleague that is clear to both of us and prevents any misunderstanding?"

The behavior of the female colleague is, objectively speaking, beyond the scope of normal professional conduct. However, it is possible that the boyfriend in question views her as a friend who needs to be confided in. It is also worth noting that, as a person with a partner, he should be aware of his behavior and avoid giving others the wrong impression.

As a colleague, the boyfriend will find it challenging to completely refrain from communication with female colleagues. In light of his anxiety, the questioner can consider joining in and assisting the female colleague, which will enable the questioner to assume some of the responsibility for communicating with her while also creating a barrier.

It is important to maintain boundaries in any relationship, particularly when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. While the boyfriend may not be aware of it, being too close with the opposite sex with intentions may cause unnecessary trouble in the relationship.

In light of the behavior exhibited by the female colleagues, it is imperative that the questioner and her boyfriend collaborate to devise a response strategy. One potential approach would be for him to explicitly clarify in public that he is in a relationship and prefers to limit his interactions with other women.

Emotion Management: The boyfriend appears to have difficulty managing conflict and emotions, often resorting to cold and violent behavior rather than direct communication. This approach may exacerbate the problem rather than resolve it.

In the event that the boyfriend is uninterested in communicating with the OP, the OP can take the initiative to communicate with him in some way. This could include, for example, watching similar movies to show him how some girls try to gain sympathy from others in certain ways. When the boyfriend is uninterested in talking to the OP, the OP should do their best to take the initiative to start the communication.

It is important to remain calm when making decisions or speaking to others when you are in a high emotional state. Taking the time to assess communication patterns in a relationship can help identify areas for improvement.

It is important to remain calm and avoid making decisions or saying things that could be hurtful to the other person when emotions are running high. Taking a step back to assess communication patterns in this relationship can help identify potential issues and ways to improve them.

The question then becomes whether the needs of both parties in the intimate relationship can be met.

It is important to communicate honestly and openly with your partner. Find a suitable time to sit down and calmly talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and concerns. Ensure that you both have enough time and space to express yourselves without any distractions.

It is important to ensure that he fully comprehends your position and thoughts on the matter.

It is important to make specific suggestions rather than simply attributing blame to the boyfriend. The questioner should also provide clear guidance on what she would like him to do and how to avoid similar situations in the future. It is essential to discuss and set boundaries for interacting with the opposite sex in order to ensure that both parties are aware of what is acceptable to the questioner and what is not.

To improve trust, it is essential to understand that it is a foundation of a good intimate relationship. Trust is built over time through consistent behavior.

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of your boyfriend's perspective while also articulating your own feelings. Establishing clear boundaries and rules, such as not going out alone with friends of the opposite sex or informing the other person when you need to interact with other people of the opposite sex, can help to alleviate concerns.

It may be beneficial to consider professional assistance if you are experiencing difficulty in resolving the issue independently. Seeking psychological or emotional counseling can provide valuable guidance in understanding your needs and feelings within this intimate relationship, as well as identifying your desired outcomes.

Consider whether your sensitivity or insecurity may be influencing your perception and response to situations. Personal insecurities can affect how we perceive and handle things.

It is challenging for the questioner to avoid seeing her boyfriend completely while they are living together. However, there are ways to reduce anxiety by modifying one's attitude and behavior. For instance, it is advisable to avoid focusing all one's energy on the boyfriend and to instead prioritize one's own life and interests. Additionally, it is beneficial to cultivate a sense of fulfillment and confidence.

It is also important to learn to trust him, give him some space, and avoid being overly suspicious or interfering in his life. Relationships require mutual effort and understanding.

If both parties are willing to invest the time and effort into improving the relationship, it is possible to overcome this obstacle.

I hope my response is of assistance to the questioner.

We also recommend the following related books:

Intimacy: This book is a seminal text in the field of human relationships. It provides an in-depth analysis of all aspects of intimacy, including trust, communication, conflict resolution, etc. By reading this book, the reader can gain a deeper understanding of the dynamics of intimacy and learn how to establish and maintain a healthy intimate relationship.

"How to Practice Love" is a comprehensive guide that addresses the challenges and dilemmas commonly faced in relationships. It offers practical advice and guidance on understanding the nature of love, maintaining one's identity, navigating conflicts, and achieving true happiness.

Men are Such Things: This book provides an in-depth exploration of the psychology, emotions, and behavior patterns of men from their perspective. By gaining a comprehensive understanding of the way men think and the reasons behind their behavior, readers can gain valuable insight into their boyfriends, leading to a reduction in misunderstandings and conflicts.

The Psychology of Marriage provides an in-depth analysis of key issues in marriage from a psychological perspective, including trust, communication, and fidelity. It offers invaluable insights to help readers gain a deeper understanding of the nature of marital relationships and learn how to establish and maintain a healthy marital relationship.

The book How to Make the One You Love Love You Too provides an in-depth analysis of the psychological laws of love and offers practical skills for establishing and maintaining an intimate relationship with a loved one.