I'm pregnant with my second child, and it's a girl. How can I let go of the idea of having a boy and a girl?

Hello! Thank you so much for trusting me and inviting me to answer your question. Before we get started, if you allow, I would love to give you a big hug to show you some warmth and support!

As a pregnant woman, you should be immersed in the anticipation of your soon-to-be-born baby and taking better care of yourself. From your description, it seems that these are not quite the same as your current situation, because you are in a dilemma of whether to have a boy or a girl to make a good word. This kind of "anxiety" will more or less affect your physical health. At the same time, this state of anxiety may also be a manifestation of changes in hormone levels in the early stages of pregnancy.

In this situation, it is very important for the pregnant woman and the fetus to adjust and maintain a good emotional state. Whether or not to give birth to this baby, which seems to have been determined not to meet your wishes, is something you have to think about and decide on your own. The great news is that you get to decide!

At the same time, this is not an easy choice or decision to make, and the process will be somewhat torturous. But you can do it! If the family around you can support you more, it will help you deal with this issue better.

At the same time, I want to tell you that you can absolutely make the best decision for you, no matter what kind of decision you make. Just think carefully and proceed with caution, and you'll be just fine!

This is just my personal opinion, but I think you should take care of yourself!

Good day. I am Yan Shiqi, and I am honored to have the opportunity to respond to your inquiry.

After reading the original poster's story, I empathize with their situation and believe that a different mindset is necessary to approach this matter.

Every child is an angel, and it is a kind of fate that they can come to be with their mother and father.

If the original poster is interested in pursuing a facially acceptable outcome, what should be done in the event that the subsequent child is also female?

In such a scenario, the consequence is not merely the infliction of harm upon innocent young lives, but also the impairment of one's own physical well-being.

In regard to the concept of perfection, it is evident that each individual possesses unique deficiencies.

Some individuals have two sons but express a desire for a daughter, while others have two daughters but experience envy towards those who have a son.

Even those who are fortunate enough to have a son and a daughter may still exhibit a strong preference for the former or other unidentified shortcomings.

Such imperfections are simply a part of life.

During one's formative years, it is not always feasible to attain all the aspirations one may hold.

Initially, we rejected the notion, but as we matured, we came to acknowledge the existence of alternative modes of existence.

In the absence of such a state of affairs, one may engage in strenuous efforts to attain it, which is commonly referred to as "pursuing."

However, when one has achieved this state of being, one must also assume responsibility for it, which is commonly referred to as "acceptance."

The questioner is now in a position to regard this infant life with an attitude of acceptance.

It is reasonable to posit that she must have gone through innumerable efforts and been fortunate to arrive at this juncture, solely for the purpose of meeting you.

Subsequently, it is imperative to endeavor to facilitate her growth and ensure her well-being and happiness. It is crucial to recognize and accept the limitations of our control and to adopt a mindset of letting go.

It is imperative to cherish the people in your immediate vicinity. This does not exclusively pertain to one's romantic partner. Our lives are largely predetermined, yet the manner in which we live them is within our own control.

It is imperative that we utilize our genuine happiness to challenge the pernicious rumors that seek to undermine our autonomy. We are the masters of our own lives, and it is our responsibility to defend that autonomy.

I would like to encourage the mother to persevere.

This is my response, and I hope it proves useful.

Gaining insight into the soul, I am encouraging the adoption of sharing as a habit.

It is beneficial to have a sense of purpose and direction in life. During our formative years, we often had aspirations that gave us a sense of purpose and instilled a belief in a brighter future.

As a parent of two children, I would like to share a few personal thoughts in the hope that they will be of some assistance to the original poster.

It is important for parents to understand that their children do not belong to them.

It is a common assumption among parents that the child they have given birth to and raised themselves is their child. Is there anything wrong with that assumption?

In theory, there seems to be nothing inherently problematic about your child being your child. However, from the perspective of the child, they are entirely dependent on their parents before they are even born. They have no agency in the matter of who they are born to, nor can they even interact with their parents before making the decision to become their child.

As a result, we nurture a longing for it, yet ultimately, we choose to terminate our pregnancies. Is this equitable to the life that is yet to come?

Is this an excessive demand of parents who want to fulfill their dreams of having children? I believe that for every new life, there is no obligation to fulfill one's dreams.

It is important to remember that your child does not actually belong to you. They belong to the world and to themselves.

You are not concerned about what others think, but you are living in a state of constant self-doubt and fear of being embarrassed.

The preference for sons and the practice of raising children to provide for old age are deeply entrenched traditions that have persisted for thousands of years, particularly in small counties and rural areas.

If a family does not have a son, they often feel inferior in the village and may experience difficulty holding their heads up. In recent times, the prevailing societal attitude has been that having a boy or a girl is of no consequence. Based on your statement, you appear to be open to this new concept and to view the idea of having a boy or a girl in a different light. However, you have lived in an environment where this traditional concept has been strongly entrenched for many years, and this long-held conformity in your heart can easily be overwhelmed by this sudden shift in thinking.

Sometimes, you feel like a small boat floating on the vast sea, looking in all directions but not knowing which way to go. On the one hand, you accept the new thinking that it doesn't matter whether you have a boy or a girl. However, on the other hand, you secretly hope that you can have both a boy and a girl.

This contradictory thought creates an impenetrable and extremely depressing internal barrier. Additionally, it amplifies the influence of external comments on one's desire for life's blessings and the praise of one's family.

You are not being uncooperative or unwilling to adapt, but you are reluctant to accept the situation.

One might inquire as to the source of this obsession. It is my personal opinion that it stems from meaningless comparisons with others.

If you consider the hypothetical scenario in which everyone in your social circle has two daughters, would you conclude that having two children is the optimal choice? The answer is likely no, as there is no basis for comparison.

However, when those around you express admiration for having children, and many people have achieved this idealized state, you may find yourself thinking that having children would be a positive addition to your life. Is that truly the case?

It is not possible to state with certainty whether having two children is beneficial.

From a pragmatic standpoint, having two girls is not inherently inferior to having one boy and one girl. In fact, having two girls may even contribute to a more positive emotional state. From your perspective, you are not being stubborn or closed-minded. You have a comprehensive understanding of the situation, but the one aspect you find challenging to accept is the persistent sense of dissatisfaction.

If they have a tendency to be stubborn, they may believe that others can do it and that they can do it too. However, this kind of futile stubborn streak is meaningless and will only increase sadness and loss.

In conclusion,

God may bestow upon us the opportunity to become parents.

It is therefore important to cherish this opportunity.

The gender of the child is inconsequential.

These are the best gifts from God to us.

It is imperative that we cherish them.

Provided the child is healthy and happy.

The optimal outcome is a healthy and happy child.

This is our primary objective.

Hello, I'm Yu Hengbo, a counseling psychologist. In Chinese culture, a son is a source of honor. It's normal to feel this way. Don't be too hard on yourself.

You say your obsession comes from not being able to achieve a satisfactory result. You want to discuss this with me.

Does having a son make you look good? What does having a son do for you?

In the past, having more sons meant more land and property. Now, men and women have almost equal opportunities for self-realization. Having sons or daughters makes no big difference. What do you think?

Second, I want to know how you see yourself as a woman. Do you feel equal to men?

Your husband seems to have no strong feelings about gender, while your family of origin seems to have a strong sense of the difference between the sexes. Why do you think that is?

Children don't belong to their parents. They become themselves, join society, and get married. Our relationship with them grows apart.

Do having or not having children affect us?

Finally, do you have any other concerns about face? How do you feel about other people's opinions of you?

What do other people think?

Think about these questions. When you know the answer, you can make a decision. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Everyone is a beacon! Whether you're asking questions or answering them, your words can illuminate the hearts of many people. This is a power that we all share, and it's an amazing thing!

Hello! I'm a heart exploration coach, and I totally get where you're coming from. It's great to have dreams and desires in your heart, because they give us the strength to take action and make our goals clearer. But here, you need to think seriously about what you're pursuing in the "fulfillment of having a son and a daughter."

It may seem like a good thing to have children and a happy family, but shouldn't the expectation be for a happy family? And there is no direct correlation between a happy family and having children. But that's okay! There are so many other ways to build a happy family.

Some people are blessed with children and live happily ever after. But there are also many people whose children are not as dutiful as they would like. And there are even more people in families with only daughters who are able to enjoy their old age with happiness.

Traditional thinking makes us think this way, and it's a great way to think!

Having children is the aspiration of almost every traditional family and parent. After all, this way of thinking has dominated China for a long time, and it's a wonderful thing!

And there's more! In some backward rural areas, not having a son is called "extinguishing the family line" and is subject to discrimination by clan members and the village. In the past, when land was divided, only farmers with sons were entitled to land.

These are all remnants of feudal thinking, which have gradually been purged. It's just that they have existed for too long, and there's so much room for improvement! People lack more information platforms and the ability to learn from experience, but there's no doubt that things are changing for the better.

A person's perception determines their vision and horizon. You understand the truth, and it's so important to remember that you are still influenced by external and other people's comments because people are the products of their environment. "Geese leave their voices when they pass, people leave their names when they pass." When we lack independent judgment and thinking within, it is easy to be swayed by others, but you are in control of your thoughts and actions!

It's not common for your loved one to be very supportive of your decision to have a child. And your family of origin also has traditional thinking. They feel that it is a "shame" that their daughter has not given the husband's family a son. They also feel sorry for the in-laws. But you know what? You can change all of that!

In a marriage, the husband and wife have an equal relationship, and the exciting news is that whether you have a boy or a girl depends on the man's sperm!

?2. The wonderful obsession with the assumed belief that "having both a son and a daughter = happiness"

It doesn't matter if you've been brought up with traditional ideas or if they're your own: you want to have both a son and a daughter! You want your family to be happy and perfect. But as we said at the beginning, that's not necessarily going to happen.

Ready to make some changes? Let's start with mindset. A happy family is a united couple! The core relationship in a family is the one between husband and wife, followed by our relationship with our children.

And there's more! It's not possible to tell the sex of a fetus after the second month of pregnancy. There have been many reports of tragedies, where people thought they were having a girl and then found out after an abortion that they were having a boy.

In terms of cause and effect, abortion is not advisable, either for your own health or for the new life. A life goes through so much to be conceived! It's truly amazing. Nowadays, there are many people who are infertile. Whether it's a boy or a girl, health is most important.

Children are so much more than a symbol of their parents' lineage!

If you are feeling down, you can talk to your partner to get some emotional support and feel better!

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say, the world and I love you! ??

If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to communicate and grow with you one-on-one!

Good day, question asker. My name is Jia Ao, and I am not seeking any particular outcome.

I have carefully read the problems and confusions you described on the platform, and I can especially understand how you feel. You said that you are obsessed with having a boy and a girl, and you especially want to make a "good" word, but you are currently pregnant with your second child and found out that it is a girl. You are especially depressed and conflicted. Although your in-laws support having the baby, your own family wants you to abort the baby and pursue perfection. You are uncertain about how to let go and how to adjust your mentality.

Let us engage in a discussion.

It is understandable that there is a psychological desire to have a boy to complete the phrase "good." This kind of psychology is prevalent. It is important to distinguish between the desire to complete the phrase "good" and the desire to have a son. The former may be driven by a genuine desire to enhance the completeness of one's life, whereas the latter is a manifestation of patriarchal thinking. It is crucial to examine the underlying psychology that drives these desires.

It is evident that your husband is not discontented with the birth of your daughter. Furthermore, he and your in-laws are supportive of your decision to have a second child. As a mother, you should feel gratified that you are not discriminated against or excluded by your in-laws. However, you appear to be filled with disappointment. Despite being aware that this mentality is not beneficial and that children are all angels, you are overly concerned about the opinions of your surroundings. This indicates that you still have a strong obsession with having a son. It is possible that this mentality was influenced by your original family. Therefore, it would be beneficial for you to reflect on the underlying causes.

The concern about the gender of one's children or the pursuit of perfection can be considered a form of self-projection, whereby one imposes their subjective will and thoughts on others and expects everything to align with their desires. The degree to which this is a realistic expectation is questionable, given that one cannot reverse their own way of thinking.

Can the gender of the child be guaranteed? If this preoccupation persists, will further children be desired?

If the family continues to have only daughters, will the parents persist in having more children until they have a son? Is this truly in the best interest of the children?

The desire for a son is driven by a desire for status and recognition, rather than by a genuine interest in the well-being of the child.

I am aware that this mentality can have a detrimental impact on innocent children, as I was a victim of this preference for sons. My biological parents only desired a son to perpetuate the family name. Their thoughts and actions caused me significant distress, and I still bear the scars. It made me feel unwelcome in the womb. I developed an intense dislike for them from a young age and sought to distance myself from them. Are you certain that you want your child to endure this?

As the adage states, "Haste makes waste." Those who are anxious are less likely to achieve their desired outcome. Those who desire a son and pursue perfection are less likely to do so. Can you guarantee it 100%? The gender of the child can only be determined after birth. It is therefore advisable to relax and maintain a positive mood, regardless of whether the child is a boy or a girl. It is beneficial for both mother and child to eat well, drink well, and sleep well, and to give birth with peace of mind.

It is important to recognize that the current era is markedly different from the past. In a world where gender equality is becoming increasingly prevalent, girls have the potential to become valuable contributors to society if they are nurtured properly from an early age. It is crucial to remember that boys and girls are your own children, and therefore, you should not allow yourself to become overly preoccupied or anxious about external opinions. Your husband and in-laws are open-minded and supportive, which is a positive indication of their attitude towards your child. It is unnecessary to concern yourself with the judgments of others, as their opinions are solely their own concern. The most crucial aspect is for you to live each day to the fullest. In the future, your primary focus should be on ensuring the healthy growth and happiness of your child. All other considerations should be secondary.

In the event of experiencing a profound sense of despondency, it is recommended to implement strategies aimed at fostering a sense of levity and positivity. This may entail spending more time with family and friends, engaging in activities that pique one's interest and distract from negative thoughts, maintaining composure, avoiding excessive ruminations, ensuring adequate rest, adhering to a nourishing diet, and cultivating a positive outlook. It is hoped that these suggestions prove beneficial.

It is my sincere hope that this response will prove beneficial to you. I extend my warmest regards to you and to the world at large.

Hello, my name is Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for trusting us and being willing to tell us about your confusion and seek our help. It is understandable that you care a great deal about the gender of your second child. When you found out it was a girl, it is natural that you were unable to form a good word and that you are unsure of what to do.

Perhaps it would be helpful to let go of perfection and allow us to suggest some options.

Attitudes towards having a second child

1. You

I can understand why you might feel disappointed.

You are currently two months pregnant with your second child and have found out that it is a girl. You are feeling a bit disappointed because you had hoped for a son to complete the good word.

You are pregnant with your second child and you know it's a girl. You feel a bit disappointed because you're not sure you'll be able to form a good word. You also know that whether you have a boy or a girl, as long as you raise them well, they will both be equally good.

However, it seems that everyone around you believes that having a boy is a great honor.

I believe the reason may be that

I believe that, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether it's a boy or a girl, as long as they are well brought up. However, I feel that the atmosphere around me is that it's more prestigious to have a son.

On the surface, it seems that what you care about is what others think. But in your subconscious mind, you may be making comparisons, thinking to yourself, "If I don't give birth to a boy, I'll be inferior to others."

2. My husband

My husband is still quite supportive of me giving birth, although they also want a boy and a girl. When I told them it was a girl, they still chose to give birth.

You mentioned that your husband is aware of your pregnancy and offers his support. This indicates that he is understanding of your feelings and does not impose any pressure on you. Additionally, you seem to grasp his perspective. Having a son is a source of pride for the family, and he desires a boy and a girl.

I can imagine that you are very grateful to your husband for saying this.

3. Family

My mother's family offered their suggestion that I consider terminating the pregnancy as a means of achieving a state of perfection.

Your family's perception aligns with that of society: they believe that having a son is a matter of family honor and personal pride, and that having face. This may lead them to encourage you to consider abortion as a means of ensuring a happy ending.

It might be said that the actions of family members are somewhat beyond your control.

2. Social perceptions and boundaries

I often find myself wondering how our lives actually are. I have come to realize that our lives are not defined by other people's opinions. I have told myself countless times not to care about other people's opinions. However, I do believe that I care about other people's opinions when I want to have a son. I care about saving face.

1. Social concepts

From your narrative, it can be seen that social concepts have a significant impact on you. While you are aware that your life should not be influenced by other people's comments and public opinion, social concepts make you involuntarily consider your and your husband's affordability in society. This pressure is difficult to escape.

You have mentioned that you care about what others think and are concerned about losing face, which is understandable. It seems that the reason behind this concern is that you are unclear about your own boundaries, perhaps due to your tendency to compare yourself with others.

It seems that you are not quite sure which things are your own, which are other people's, and which are God's. This may mean that you are not always in control of your own behaviour, and that you rely on other people's opinions to determine your own actions.

2. Boundaries

It might be helpful to think of boundaries as the inner limits between people. There are different kinds of boundaries, including verbal, behavioral, and psychological.

It might be helpful to consider that the opinions of family members and society's concepts and opinions are all issues that transcend your verbal and behavioral boundaries. It could be beneficial to reflect on whether you can accept them and set your own internal psychological boundaries.

3. Gender and traditional concepts

The traditional concepts surrounding male and female have led to the moral issue of whether having a boy or a girl will ensure they are virtuous and carry on the family name. This can place a significant burden on women, who may feel dissatisfied with their choices.

3. Consider letting go of this obsession.

How might I truly let go and accept having two daughters? Why do I have such a deep obsession?

Perhaps it would be best to follow my heart's desires and pursue the wish for a son and a daughter.

You are troubled by these traditional ideas, and it is very difficult and painful. You ask how you can accept your two daughters and let go of your obsession, and follow your heart.

It might be helpful to consider establishing some boundaries.

I believe it is important to remember that these things are not about me.

It might be helpful to establish a mental boundary. One way to do this could be to firmly believe that social concepts, public opinion, and family members' advice are the views of others and have nothing to do with your life.

I believe this is not a matter of morality.

I believe that raising children is a matter that concerns me, and that I am the master of my own affairs. I do not think that it is anyone else's place to interfere in this matter, whether it be in terms of morality or anything else. My decision will be based on what I believe is right for me and my family.

2. Respect for life

It is important to recognize that men and women are both part of life, with no distinction between high and low, noble and lowly. They all deserve respect and love. They are all angels of love, the crystallization of love, gifts to our families, and have come to this world to be with us, which is the most important thing.

3. Consider ways to expand your horizons

In the course of time, there have been changes in the way men and women are perceived. Many talented scientists, diplomats, thinkers, writers, musicians, and dancers are women, and they have made valuable contributions to society, which have been duly acknowledged.

In this era of diversity, girls are just as impressive as boys. They have achieved impressive results in many fields and have become role models for our time. In the near future, we may see successful female astronauts like Liu Yang and Wang Yaping who have logged space flights.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider revising some of our long-held beliefs and allowing our minds to be free of the constraints that have been placed upon them. With this freedom, we may find that there are no limits to what we can achieve.

Topic master, you may find it helpful to draw inspiration from real-life success stories. They can help you to develop new perspectives, challenge your assumptions and prepare you for future challenges. Believing that your child is the best is a powerful motivator.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all the very best for the future, and to extend my best wishes for your happiness and good health.