I'm so tired of being a people pleaser. It seems like all my friends are leaving me one by one.

Hello, question asker!

Let's cut to the chase and analyze your confusion together. Why do you get caught up in mental depletion every day?

You say that for the past ten years, from elementary school to junior high school to high school, it was always other people who took the initiative to be friends with you and chat with you. You need to learn how to take the initiative to make friends and who to make friends with.

This feeling is not good. You were once surrounded by friends, but an epidemic has shattered your social network. One by one, your friends have distanced themselves from you. It's like a family that once had a bustling business, but because it has declined, it has become deserted.

The contrast between before and after is stark, and anyone affected will feel empty and lost. Your depressed mood is understandable to others.

You didn't have a family bankruptcy, just the impact of an epidemic, and you experienced the coldness of human nature. You're wondering if you're not good enough, so your friends have distanced themselves from you.

You think your friends have abandoned you because you haven't done a good job.

The way we deal with people is a replica of the mother-child relationship in the original family, and the projection of love and security from the mother-child relationship to interpersonal relationships is more or less the same. You say you are a pleasing personality, and you are afraid of losing the love and attention of the person who raised you. Therefore, you obey the instructions and arrangements of the person who raised you unconditionally. You are afraid of not obeying, and you will lose this relationship between you and him, to which you are accustomed.

Your habits will cause you to project this mode of getting along with others onto your surroundings, whether you realize it or not.

When you're feeling down, don't waste your mental energy. Use this time to explore yourself from a psychological perspective. You're a university student now, and you have the ability and motivation to grow yourself. Think about your friends distancing themselves from you. Are you focusing on maintaining the relationship, or on your emotional reactions in the relationship?

You are more inclined to react emotionally to situations in your relationships. This is also the reason why you don't know how to make friends.

There's no doubt about it: after an epidemic, the way we interact in our relationships, work, and study will be different from before. We need to view this change scientifically and dialectically, not remain stagnant. We have to allow this change to happen around us, and then actively adapt to it, rather than feeling sorry for ourselves and at a loss for what to do, as you are now.

You say, "Isn't that so?"

My words of wisdom will help you get out of the doldrums.

I am your guiding light. I love you, the world, and everything in it.

Hello,

You have some traits of a pleasing personality. You're aware of it, so I give you a thumbs up.

A pleasing personality has the following characteristics:

You'll suppress your needs to put others first.

They will feel guilty if they don't help others.

③, unable to refuse others and will do whatever they ask.

You don't have your own opinions or principles. You cater to others.

etc.

Pleasing people are sensitive and take other people's requests as their own. They feel guilty when they refuse and think it's their problem. They do things with other people in mind. For example, the questioner always agrees to hang out with others and doesn't say no. When you're too enthusiastic, people may not appreciate it and may even treat you coldly.

How to solve it:

1. Learn to say no. If we don't want to do something, we can just say no. We can use excuses to tell the other person that we don't want to do it, and then they won't pressure us anymore.

2. Love yourself. Please yourself. Pleasing others won't help you if you don't love yourself.

3. Set clear boundaries and principles. This helps us maintain good relationships. We can then protect our boundaries and not let others infringe on them.

4. Be true to yourself. You don't have to please others or treat them a certain way. Just be yourself. If they like you, they'll be your friend. If not, don't be sad. Just be yourself.

This is my view. I hope it helps.