I'm staying in my sister's rented room, and my sister wants to manage my bed. Please analyze it.

Good day, question asker! I am the answerer, Enoch.

Everyone has their own way of living, and they also hope to be able to control their environment according to their own wishes. Therefore, it seems that the questioner's sister has already developed her own way of living when she is alone.

However, my sister is very enthusiastic and wants to help the questioner, so she invited her younger sister to live with her. Unfortunately, due to the differences in living habits, this made my sister feel that her life was being disrupted, and her emotions fell into anxiety. So my sister wants to help the questioner, but also hopes that the questioner can respect her living habits and develop the same habits in her own home as she does, so she will feel better.

It is important to remember that my sister has good intentions, but we all have different perspectives, even when we are siblings. It is essential to respect each other's wishes and habits. However, many people, especially the elders, may feel inclined to use their love to ask others to make changes according to their own wishes because they have done something for their children, which could potentially lead to discomfort on both sides. This may result in the questioner feeling uncomfortable.

It might be helpful for the questioner to consider finding her own place to live, so that she can live her own life and not feel burdened by her sister's needs. If she is in a position where she is unable to do this, it might be beneficial for her to try to respect her sister's habits as much as possible in her sister's home. After all, it is her home, and she would prefer to feel in control in this environment, so that everyone can get along harmoniously.

Hello, question owner! I'm sending you a big, warm hug from afar and feeling for you deeply. I understand you even more now!

First of all, I feel that in fact, in the whole matter, you can still accept your sister in your heart, and you have already forgiven her. It's just that when you're angry or whenever you think about this matter, there is an urge in your heart to "give her a taste of her own medicine" and let out your pent-up emotions. From the words between the lines of the text, it can be seen that you care a lot about your sister's feelings and you love her very much. If there were no barrier caused by this matter, you would still be good sisters to each other.

As the article says, "My sister wants to manage my bed, and I argued with her."

"I'm really excited to share some feedback with you about our shared space! I've noticed that my bed sheets and covers could be folded a little neater, and I'd love to see them up to my standards. I'm also a bit annoyed when I see your messy bed, so I'd love to see you make an effort to keep it tidy!

"It makes you feel uncomfortable, and you occasionally argue with him. After each argument, he continues to demand things of you as your elder sister, which makes you even more angry. You think to yourself, 'I've told you, why do you still demand this and that of me?' etc. Depending on the psychological state of the elder sister, she may always think, 'I'm the elder sister, it's only right that I take care of you, but as the younger sister, you're not listening, and that makes him uncomfortable.' The thing that makes the elder sister uncomfortable may be, 'I'm the elder sister, I should be listened to, so why aren't you listening?'

This situation is actually pretty common at home, and it's a great opportunity to learn and grow! On the surface, it might seem like "no one cares if the younger sister does more or the older sister does less," but the older sister is just like everyone else. We all need to feel seen and appreciated after we've put in the effort, and vanity plays a role. The older sister is in the same psychological state as everyone else after she's made an effort; she also expects you to see it and give her feedback, even if it's just a simple "thank you"!

My sister's heart is also warm, at least she feels a sense of accomplishment, and it also satisfies her vanity. Perhaps, in this matter, my sister is just expressing "her true needs"?

Perhaps it is expressed with emotion? This is something we can work on together! I'm excited to see if letting her express her feelings of disapproval in this way will help reduce them.

And other psychological factors. However, my sister is unable to realize this herself, which presents an exciting opportunity to work on her emotional regulation and communication skills. In fact, this is the time when the friendship between sisters, emotional changes, and the challenge of reconciliation are put to the test—and she's ready to rise to the occasion!

You care about your sister's feelings, you are aware of them, and you are actively facing the situation head-on. This is proof that you are a great person, and I applaud you! You just haven't found a better way to solve the problem yet. How do you face the current situation?

1) Adjust your mindset, be yourself, and accept your sister's imperfections! It doesn't matter if your sister's intentions are good or bad, or if she's feeling a certain way or saying something you don't like. Learn to let go of your own opinions and accept your sister's imperfections. Look at your sister's good points (e.g., she is capable, hardworking, and neat). At the same time, keep your own mind at ease, do what you need to do, and take it easy. Don't worry so much. Sisters can overcome anything!

(2) Face it sincerely and communicate effectively: Sisters are related by blood, so find a chance to talk to your sister and express your true thoughts, what you agree with and what you don't agree with. Speak the truth and not make things up, state the facts objectively, without emotions, accusations or criticism, and aim for reconciliation. Tell your sister about the worries you see when she is unhappy, and tell her the things that have been weighing on your mind that you have never said before. Express your true feelings to her. Explore whether she has not noticed or realized the inappropriateness of her words. At the same time, "the speaker means no harm, but the listener takes it personally" makes you feel very uncomfortable, and you are too insensitive to realize the problem with her way of expression, and this kind of language has directly affected the intimate relationship between you and her. When you tell her that it has affected you, she may correct it right away!

(Think positively about everything, and you'll see a totally different result!)

You can do it! Believe that you and your sister will reconcile.

I really hope these answers are helpful to the questioner!

Peiwen, a listener on the Yiyi Psychology platform, I love you so much!