In my 30s, I have no career or family, and I see no hope for development...

Hello, I'm Liang Qingyou.

Given the rising divorce rate, declining fertility rate, and increasing entanglement across all walks of life, it's understandable that maintaining a positive, upbeat, and hopeful state can be challenging.

Many people feel helpless, sad, and anxious, just like you do.

But isn't everyone's life full of problems?

Given the current state of affairs, it's understandable that people have different attitudes towards life.

If you're having a good time, you can say, "Life is hard for everyone. I've really made it, and I'm doing well." If things aren't going so well, you can say, "I could be doing better, but circumstances don't allow it."

In short, think of ways to improve the situation and find some comfort. The worst that can happen is that it gets worse.

On that note, I have a small suggestion:

From now on, when you're feeling down, ask yourself, "What's wrong with society that it makes me not want to improve or fall in love at all?"

If you're still in a good mood, give yourself a million compliments in your heart: "I'm pretty awesome, even though I'm facing a challenging environment. I'm willing to work hard, not rely on my parents, and not lie around. I'm doing great!"

On top of that, it's probably best not to expect children to be able to mediate between their parents when they're arguing. That's only fair, given how many couples are getting divorced every year.

Dear Sir/Madam, My name is Ziding Yaxiang, and I am writing to express my desire to assist you in resolving the issues you have outlined. I believe that our paths have crossed by happenstance, and I am eager to offer my assistance. Sincerely, Ziding Yaxiang

From the limited information provided in the question, it is evident that the individual is experiencing a sense of powerlessness, decadence, and confusion.

With regard to one's career, one may find oneself at a standstill, accompanied by feelings of nervousness and stress even when confronted with routine matters.

I am a 30-year-old woman who has not yet had a romantic partner and is uncertain about her future prospects.

The current situation is, at best, unsatisfactory. The phenomenon of "learned helplessness," as observed by numerous respondents, has led to a state of resignation and adaptation to this way of life.

Nevertheless, at a fundamental level, there is a strong sense of disgust with the status quo, accompanied by a pervasive feeling of despair. It is evident that a desire for change is present.

The questioner is aware of the consequences of this lifestyle, yet lacks the motivation to implement it. While the precipitating factors behind the current situation remain unclear, it is evident that the issue requires immediate attention. Expansion of one's social circle and a departure from self-centeredness are essential steps in addressing this problem.

The founder of the school of psychology proposed a three-part structure of the personality, comprising the id, ego, and superego. The id is driven by pleasure, the ego by reality, and the superego by morality. The questioner displays self-centered tendencies and struggles to reconcile the internal conflict between the id and the superego.

This ultimately gives rise to the current conflict.

It is recommended that you expand your social circle.

It is erroneous to assume that work is the sole avenue for attaining happiness and achieving remarkable feats. It is this author's hope that the questioner will extricate themselves from their current work situation and cultivate friendships with individuals from disparate backgrounds. It is also recommended that the questioner engage in discourse with their acquaintances to ascertain beneficial and constructive information that can enhance their quality of life.

[Formulate a career plan]

Your current position may be impeding your professional growth. It is possible that your defensive mechanism is causing you to believe that a simple, uneventful life is the optimal choice. However, it is important to recognize that satisfaction cannot be achieved through complacency.

It is recommended that one's awareness not only encompass the present, but also extend to the future. One may consider making career plans, pursuing further education, or challenging new fields. Opening oneself up to new experiences can lead to a sudden sense of enlightenment.

[It is recommended that the subject attempt to fall in love.]

Although the rationale behind the questioner's lack of romantic involvement is unclear, it is nevertheless advisable to identify a suitable relationship. This is a natural aspect of life.

It is recommended that the individual set a goal for themselves, namely that they will have a friend within the current year. With regard to the question of how to make friends, it is acknowledged that this will be a new journey, but it is believed that the individual will be able to accomplish it.

[Change yourself]

It is recommended that you alter your detrimental habits, adopt a more active and energetic demeanor, and greet the sun each day with a positive outlook.

It is recommended that the questioner participate in a greater number of social activities, such as volunteering or playing sports. Thoughts are the primary impediment to action.

It is advisable to bolster one's self-assurance. It is more beneficial to take action than to merely contemplate. It is more productive to experiment than to engage in discourse.

May the inquirer enjoy optimal well-being!

It is recommended that one utilize positive energy in order to live life to its fullest potential.

Hello, questioner.

I can see that you have some questions, feelings of confusion and worry, and I can also see the motivation you are hiding beneath this sense of powerlessness, pessimism, confusion and anxiety. You may not be aware of it yourself, but if you are willing, we can explore the infinite possibilities under these issues together.

I must say that your last sentence really piqued my interest. You said, "It's just complaining, and it doesn't help anyway. I've given up hope."

I believe that your lack of greed is actually your hidden strength. You are not greedy! When posting on this platform, we often hope to receive support, solutions to our problems, or even, in the unlikely event that someone can point me in the right direction, I will reach the pinnacle of my life!

You are, however, unusually rational. You don't expect every teacher who responds enthusiastically to solve your problems, even though it seems that your description contains a lot of confusion, even contradictions and pain. It seems that your original intention was simply to "vent a little."

I believe that not being greedy is an important step towards psychological healing. You are demonstrating a great deal of wisdom in this regard. This is a remarkable psychological resource you possess.

I would like to commend you for your lack of greed.

Secondly, upon review of your narrative, it appears that you may be experiencing some confusion regarding your career, particularly in comparison to the emerging trends of the post-95 generation, which seem to be gaining momentum. It seems that you may not currently have any obvious advantages. For instance, your expectations for your romantic life also appear to be lacking momentum, and living alone after the age of 30 seems to be a challenge that you may need to address.

For instance, you may feel somewhat powerless in the face of disagreements between your parents.

The questioner has a keen sense of observation, but I have noticed that so far, your observations seem to stop at just noticing and knowing, without implementing specific steps to solve the problem. Although you said you were just complaining, it is interesting that on this platform, people are really willing to make friends across the air, and they hope to provide you with as much help as possible based on their observations.

Perhaps it would be helpful to view this as a conversation between friends. After listening to you, they may also be willing to offer some feedback. I would also like to provide you with some practical advice, which you can use as a reference.

1. You may wish to consider prioritising the above issues according to the degree of your concern. For example, if you feel that career development is the most urgent issue and that a better solution to this problem will directly affect your state of life, you might like to focus on career development first. Then, you could identify this issue as the top priority and mobilise all possible forces to deal with and respond to career challenges as best as possible. For example, you might like to list the following issues:

A: Could you please tell me what the possible developments in my career might be? I would also be grateful if you could tell me what kind of career situation you think I would be happy with.

B: Could you please advise me on how to achieve the state I want?

C: Could I suggest that you consider some alternative approaches? These might include taking a test, attending a course, changing jobs, exploring your responsibilities at your current company, learning relaxation techniques, joining a mutual support group, or making a daily self-assessment and a weekly plan. You may find it helpful to brainstorm ideas.

2. It is possible that you may encounter difficulties when trying to solve the problem, and you may still feel frustrated. It is important to understand that the problem will not disappear just because you are aware of it. Accepting this fact, accepting the situation and your state of mind, and reopening your mind to encourage yourself to continue to cope with and deal with it are all important steps.

3. It is important to recognize that things happen and, in many cases, they are not meant to be resolved. I have been using the word "handle" frequently, and this is the most fundamental attitude we should have towards events. While the goal may be to solve the problem, the most effective way to achieve this goal is to actively handle the various situations that arise from this matter.

While it is certainly a worthwhile goal to try to solve the problem, it is important not to be too hard on yourself or feel that you must solve it to be successful. Each time we try to solve it, our approach has already been a kind of exercise and gain in thinking.

Finally, I would like to talk about the issue of reconciling your parents' disagreements. This may not be your primary concern, but you did mention it, which suggests that your parents' relationship still has an impact on you.

I believe that the relationship between your parents may not be the root of your emotional issues. It seems that there is a discrepancy between your perception of how beneficial it would be if they didn't argue and the reality of them arguing. Our perception of a relationship can influence our ability to handle it.

It is important to remember that parents have their own patterns of getting along and dealing with relationships. It is not realistic to expect that these patterns can be changed in the short term. It may be helpful to accept that they argue with each other and that they believe that arguing is necessary. While we may not want this to happen, it is possible that for them at the moment, arguing is the coping mechanism they can think of. Instead of mediating, it may be more beneficial to first accept the way they deal with problems (which may not be the most effective way) and then at the appropriate time, express your feelings and suggestions to your parents in a calm manner.

It is important to understand that changing other people's patterns is a challenging process. If you are seeking to improve family relationships, it is still possible to focus on your own growth and development before attempting to influence your parents.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you.

Give the questioner a hug! I can totally relate to the questioner's inner worries. I'm in my thirties, and I don't have the career or family that people my age are supposed to have. Those around me do, and it's a bit of a shock to me, so it's normal to feel a bit worried. But there's no need to worry!

If the questioner just came here to vent and doesn't want to change this state of life, then it doesn't make sense for the teachers to reply with patient and careful analysis. Why? Because this is not what the questioner wants! There's a saying, "You can't wake someone who is pretending to sleep." If someone doesn't want to wake up on their own and just wants to sleep like this, no matter how loudly someone else shouts, it won't work. So let's not waste our time!

If the questioner wants to continue living the current state of life, with no career, no family, and only troubles, they can absolutely continue. This is the questioner's own freedom of choice, and the right of the questioner as an independent individual, as long as it does not affect the interests of other people's lives and is not interfered with or violated by anyone. However, if the questioner chooses to live this way, they will have the opportunity to face and bear the troubles and discomfort that this state of life brings. It is like a person and their shadow, inseparable.

If you want to live the life of your dreams, you have to have an unwavering goal in your heart and put in the hard work. You will only be able to live a fulfilling, happy, secure life and continue to get better and better! On the other hand, if you don't even know what kind of life you want, you'll just keep banging your head against the wall, digging here and there, and avoiding difficulties instead of trying to solve them. You'll waste your time and energy on endless struggles, and your self-confidence will be worn down in the process.

If things don't turn out the way you hoped, don't fret! You'll just need to adjust your expectations and keep working hard.

Hope exists in everyone's heart, not in someone else's. And the great news is that you can cultivate it yourself! If you don't keep it or treasure it yourself, no one else will help you do it either. So, if you want hope, you must have the seed of hope in your heart, and work hard towards it to create the conditions for it to flourish!

If you don't have the seeds of hope within yourself, you're missing out on the incredible opportunity to work hard towards hope and create the conditions for it to flourish! Family and career are also the hope within a person's heart.

Hello, I'm Wang Ying, a psychologist.

Many people feel pessimistic, confused, anxious, and unmotivated. Life is full of disappointments, and it often makes us question our purpose.

Our thoughts imprison our hearts.

Let's change our minds and think about it. Life is full of ups and downs. Without the lows, we wouldn't appreciate the highs. Without the losses, we wouldn't appreciate the gains.

When we're in a tough spot, struggling makes us suffer. But have you noticed that no matter how painful things are, they'll pass?

You can only gain joy and happiness by changing your beliefs and way of thinking.

We work hard to find happiness, but we're becoming less happy. Why?

We focus on others and what they have. We should focus on ourselves. You are just you. Some people are successful, while others are mediocre. You don't have to envy others.

When you envy others, do you want to be single again?

Change your beliefs and you'll see many problems are not problems at all. Bring your attention back in and be aware of your thoughts.

Happiness depends on getting along with our thoughts. Many people are too busy to hear their own voices.

That voice is always there, influencing how you see things, how you respond to things, and even your life.

In life, try to "observe" this chattering voice. This voice is not you, but some of your thoughts. Whenever you notice that you are thinking negatively, you should be able to "break away."

To let go, you must observe your thoughts. If you can ignore negative thoughts and stay positive, you can break the patterns that make you unhappy.

Most people think that fixing their environment will make them happy. The root of the problem lies within us.

If you're unhappy, you won't be happy even if you're successful and wealthy. Many people believe this. They think they'll be happy when they have what they want. But when they have it, they're still not happy.

Stop worrying about other people and things. Look at yourself, connect with your inner self and body, and find your inner voice. Meditation can help you do this.

Some courses in complex treatment can help you see that you have many issues that need to be healed. You can express and heal them responsibly, rather than letting them control you. Some breathing and meditation classes can help you become aware of yourself and work on your self-esteem.

I hope this helps. Bless you.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can feel your inner powerlessness, confusion, and anxiety. As a peer of yours, although I study psychology, sometimes I also feel this way. But I want you to know that it's okay! This is a very normal emotion, and most people will have a kind of self-doubting emotion. But you can get through it!

From your description, you said you may not get a certain kind of help, but I just wanted to say that just by saying it out loud is a kind of healing. No matter what you think!

Just by coming here and talking about it, you have already taken the first step towards a new you! This is the beginning of change, and it's a great start. This shows that you have a good sense of awareness and the courage to face your problems and try to find solutions.

I can see that you've been feeling this way recently due to personal and environmental issues. I'm really interested to know what your state was like before.

From your description, I can tell that you're facing some challenges at work. It seems like there's an age gap between you and your colleagues, and it's making it tough to see the same promotion prospects as them. It's a tough spot to be in, but I'm here to tell you that you can get through it!

Second, in life, you want to have a small family, but you haven't found the right one yet. And when your parents argue, you don't know how to mediate. You don't plan your life well, and what you think and what you do are not the same. So you feel helpless, confused, and even a little powerless. But guess what? You can do it!

The good news is that you can overcome this! The main source of stress comes from external pressure. For people born in the 90s, the pressure is indeed very great. Peers are living better lives than us, and those younger than me are also showing signs of anxiety. It is normal to feel some anxiety, and you are not the only one who feels this way. I also had it. In April, I had anxiety attacks and insomnia, but then I gradually got better through adjustment.

So, don't give up! Everything is possible!

I want to encourage you to think big and boldly about what kind of life and work state you want. If a miracle happens and the life and work state you want is realized, what have you done to make it happen?

When you achieve the work and life you want, you'll be on your way to a whole new you! You'll notice a difference in yourself and in your life.

It's totally normal to have emotions and problems in life. The most important thing is how we deal with them!

I don't know your specific situation, but I'm sure these tips will help you relieve your negative emotions and find your own rhythm of life in no time!

First, adjust your mindset!

Our mindset determines our outlook and our actions. When we are in a state of confusion and anxiety, it's more important than ever to adjust our mindset. This is the key to having the courage to face and act, and having the courage to move forward. There's a saying that the more difficult the situation, the more important it is to adjust our mindset. And it's true!

We absolutely have to learn to let things happen and pay more attention to ourselves!

Secondly, use positive mental suggestions to increase inner strength!

There's a great saying in "The Brain Code of Happiness": "Weed less, plant more flowers." It's totally normal to have some negative emotions. These negative emotions are like weeds in our brain. But you can learn to tell the difference between a feeling and a real problem.

You can encourage yourself by using your own mental suggestions more often. This is also a way to increase your inner strength! We use our own mental suggestions, that is, in our brains, we plant flowers in our hearts and let them bloom, so that our hearts and brains will not be troubled by negative emotions and weeds.

And it can also give you more courage!

And then, believe in yourself and keep improving!

Life is an amazing journey, and it's normal to encounter some challenges along the way. Whether it's in your career, relationships, or anything else, you just need to keep going and build on your successes little by little. The most important thing is to believe in yourself and keep learning and growing.

You can cultivate hobbies to increase your motivation, boost your confidence, and constantly improve yourself. As the saying goes, if you bloom, the butterflies will come!

Marriage is about so much more than just providing for someone in need. It's about adding to their happiness!

Next, believe in the incredible power of accumulation!

No matter how big the stone is, it cannot stop the seed from sprouting. Once the seed starts to sprout, the division of cells begins, and it never stops! Everyone knows the truth behind the saying "a drop of water can wear through a stone," and it's true! People at the starting point are like a cell or a drop of water, but most people mistakenly believe or hope that they are strong and sharp like a laser beam at the starting point. This is an unrealistic expectation, but it's also an exciting one!

Long-term accumulation is something that very few people can do. But you can be one of them! Accumulation is a rare habit, and it has to be long-term, which is even more difficult. But you can do it!

Just do it! Get into the habit of accumulating and watch the magic happen!

Finally, I want to tell you that I understand how you feel, and I also have this anxiety. But here's the good news: it's not scary to encounter problems! As long as we adjust our coping mode in time, we will definitely get better and better.

The greatest asset you can have is the ability to keep going, to keep striving, to keep hoping. It's only through constant struggle that we can find the strength to live a happy life and be close to the people we love.

Hello!

Many young people like you are troubled by these problems.

This is a real problem. It's not just a general issue.

I'm willing to chat with you.

I hope it helps.

1. Know your feelings.

Sometimes we feel pessimistic, confused, or anxious.

The environment, leaders, colleagues, work, and expectations can all make you feel like a mess and negate yourself.

This is what we call internal depletion.

Namely:

Self-criticism and self-doubt are exhausting.

Many people will feel the same way on National Day.

We wanted to rest and recharge, but we didn't.

Many of us don't relax or recharge.

There's a lot to know about rest.

Learn to see these thoughts and understand your emotions.

We all have moments when we're not emotional.

Learning to stop fighting ourselves is a lifelong lesson.

Be your own best friend.

2. Think in new ways.

We often say:

It's not what happens to us, but how we see it.

You say, "In your 30s, without a career or a family, you can't see any hope for development." This is true for you now, but your feelings are based on your thoughts.

Many young people aren't in a hurry to fall in love and get married. They're living their lives to the fullest.

If we think we should have a career and family by 30, but don't, we feel frustrated and negative.

There are thousands of ways to live. Not every life has to meet standards.

Every way of life is an experience. Your attitude is important.

If there's a chance, go for it.

Falling in love doesn't always lead to success. If you want it, you can make it happen.

Let your family or friends introduce you to someone. Or expand your circle of friends yourself.

Not being in love doesn't mean you've failed.

Not everyone's marriage or love life goes as planned.

We can try.

You may not be in a relationship, but you enjoy being single.

It's the same with work.

I know stress makes me anxious.

We need to learn to see the messages behind the scenes.

Do I feel pressure?

How interested am I in this career?

What are my talents?

Can you improve yourself?

After a review, you can understand yourself better and make small changes.

I recommend the book A Change of Heart.

When we worry, we can ask ourselves these four questions:

Is that true?

Is that true?

How do you react to this thought?

What kind of person would you be without that idea?

Sometimes, we change our perspective. You have a good job and have gained experience, even though you feel pressure.

This is more familiar to this industry and looks at the impact of the broader environment.

When parents argue, it's their problem. We don't have to blame ourselves or feel powerless.

Suffering is pain compared to ideals.

Accept yourself.

Accepting your flaws reduces internal conflict.

We will have the motivation to change.

Just share.

Best wishes!

If you give up on yourself, you really have given up. I remember I used to say a lot, "If there is a problem, then face it and solve it."

I know it can sometimes feel like this sentence is just an empty phrase, but I've done a lot of research and I've found a way to make sense of it.

I'd love to know what the difficulty is.

To achieve victory, you've got to know where the enemy is so you can defeat him and win!

So, what's on your mind right now? Is it a career problem? Or maybe it's a relationship issue?

Dealing with family conflicts? I'm here to help!

Oh, no!

I know this isn't your biggest challenge, and I'm here to help.

This difficulty is all about those negative and pessimistic personal beliefs that have made you feel powerless to fight.

It's okay, we all have days like this. You don't even know what you want right now.

2. We all face difficulties in life, but the question is, can you avoid them?

I'm sorry to say that the answer is no.

There are so many things in front of you, and they're all objective realities. This reality might not be what you think it is, but it's real and closely related to your interests, with lots of chain and causal relationships.

For example, you say you don't see a future in your career, but I'm wondering if your career is all you have.

You say you have no emotional experience. Is that what you want? Or are you just trying to meet society's expectations?

It can be so hard when your parents are fighting and you feel like there's nothing you can do about it. It might be worth asking yourself whether they need to sort things out on their own.

You might be thinking, "What else is there besides this?"

You still have yourself!

If you can't change your way of thinking now, you might find yourself struggling a bit more in a few years.

Success isn't something you can just think your way into. It's something you have to put in the work for!

There's no one-size-fits-all definition of success or failure.

3. How to overcome difficulties.

1) Your own value and direction

You're in your thirties now, and it's time to start thinking about your own values and direction in life. You've been in this environment for seven or eight years, and I truly believe you've adapted to it well.

I'm really worried about you, though. You're gradually becoming unbalanced.

To keep your personal balance, you can explore new interests. Everyone has different ideas at different stages of life. So, you can either create new interests or push yourself to try new things.

If this environment is making you feel so down, it might be a good idea to think about making a change. (I'm not saying you should quit your job, but it would be great for you to meet some new people. Life is all about trying new things!)

2) Personal emotions and mentality

It's so sad to see you so depressed and melancholy. I know it's been a long time, but I really believe that if you want to change your emotions, you just need to gradually untangle the emotional chaos.

To solve your emotional problems, you first need to solve your mindset problems. Once you accept yourself, have a direction, and are at peace, you'll be considered an ordinary person. But what does "ordinary" really mean?

I know it can be tempting to run away from things that are making you feel stuck, but I promise you that will only make things more complicated.

When you have your own value, you can get so much out of it! You can gain dignity, a sense of belonging, and personal value satisfaction. I truly believe that you will have the motivation to change.

3) Acceptance and change of objective reality

It's so important to learn from what has happened, so that you can improve yourself and avoid any pain in the future.

You're 30 years old now, and you have so many wonderful possibilities ahead of you! You can have your own ideas and be independent.

You're 30 years old, and there are still so many possibilities and opportunities in life for you!

I know it can be really tough to keep going sometimes. But if you choose to give up now, the consequences might make you feel even worse in the future.

For the past, there is no other way but to accept it, unless you give up and choose to escape. I truly believe you can raise this kind of confusion and seek a solution in addition to venting your dissatisfaction.

But don't worry! There are still so many possibilities for you in the present and the future.

For example, you can set a goal first and find a partner. You can go on a date, be introduced by others, etc. There are so many ways to make it happen!

Hey there, friends of a similar age!

Dear, I've got some great news for you!

Growing up is never easy. Everyone struggles between self-doubt and pressing forward. Some people are good at hiding it, or they just let it go, or they let it drive them crazy. Others, like the poster, will face those obstacles and discomfort head-on and actively seek outside help to find the right solution. In contrast, the poster's actions are absolutely commendable! With the help of others, through brainstorming or guidance, there may really be many angles that we can try after those once seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

Everyone's life has its own unique value. We are all worthy of love and respect! The reason we feel confused and helpless is not that we are really worse than others, but that we use different standards. When we use our shortcomings to compare with other people's strengths, no matter how we look at it, we are always at a disadvantage. If we are repeatedly hit, we may really mistakenly believe that we are worthless. But we are not! It is always the standard of comparison that is at play, not how we are.

In the host's narrative, "the big guy from 1995/97 and the boss from 1994," "more than 30 years old and still not in a relationship"... Imagine if the narrative were told from a different perspective. It might sound like this: "Male, in good health, works in the internet industry, has a stable job, calm temperament, treats relationships with caution and seriousness..." I believe that if such an introduction were posted on a dating website, it would definitely attract high-quality male guests.

We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and we're all different lengths and different shapes! It's not about being good enough, it's about embracing what makes us unique. We can't let other people's standards get in the way of our own purpose. We need to stop comparing and start celebrating what makes us special!

We say we are unique because each of us has our own incredible mission! We spend our whole lives finding our own value and belonging, not defining ourselves in comparison with others. No one can define your life's successes and failures, gains and losses because that standard requires you to spend your whole life polishing it.

Some people lived in poverty and never rose to power, but they were dedicated to speaking for the people. It was only after their deaths, two dynasties later, that they finally gained recognition from others. This is the epitome of the poet Du Fu! Some people lived in wealth and comfort, and had a grand funeral when they died. The reason they were placed in a museum as an exhibit thousands of years later was not because of who they were, but because the clothes they wore were more valuable than they were. This was the owner of the Han Dynasty gold and jade burial suit, someone in the Liu family of descendants. There are also countless more people who were rich or noble in life, or happy or crazy, but were lost in history and no longer remembered by anyone. Who knows what amazing things they could have done if they hadn't been forgotten!

Life is short, so make the most of it! Move forward in one direction, clarify what you really care about, and then work hard to achieve it in the present. Don't waste your limited time on other people's standards of comparison.

And this standard is always altruistic, so we have the opportunity to become more and more discouraged.

It's so important to have a healthy body, healthy parents, a stable income from a job you've earned with your own skills, and to treat relationships with love and respect!

Dear Question Asker,

I empathize with your sentiments when I read, "30s, no career, no family, no hope for development." I perused your account to gain insight into your feelings of frustration when compared to your surroundings and others, a sense of powerlessness about your career direction and your own abilities, a sense of fear about the economic situation in the wider environment, and the fact that you don't have a relationship or intimate relationship, which also makes you feel very lonely. Concurrently, facing your parents' relationship makes you feel even more powerless, which all makes you very anxious, as if all the setbacks are happening to you, and you can't see any hope... You are already very powerless, but you can't completely relax and let go. You feel anxious because you feel a little bit more relaxed, which has trapped you in this strange cycle of "mental depletion."

I previously employed a method to disrupt this cyclical pattern. I considered the current state of my circumstances: I have a secure employment status, the benefits I have accrued from my work, and the capacity to support myself financially without causing distress to my parents. I found it beneficial to focus on three key aspects each day.

In my case, I am simply who I am. I am capable of performing minor tasks and do not set ambitious objectives. I listen to two lectures per week and exercise for three days each week. My goals are aligned with my circumstances.

Your lack of self-acceptance contributes to a relatively monotonous lifestyle, necessitating the derivation of accomplishment and self-worth from your capabilities. When you believe in yourself, you possess greater strength.

The meaning of life is subjective and varies from person to person. Now in your 30s, encountering this situation may be an optimal time to reflect on the purpose of your life and consider your future direction. At this age, it is possible to take a break from one's usual routine and explore new possibilities.

Following three decades of strenuous effort, it is prudent to allow for a period of recuperation before embarking on the next phase of one's endeavors. There is no inherent reason why this should not be done.

Good day, My name is Warm-hearted Girl 1219, and I am honored to answer your question on Yi Xinli.

I have carefully read your description and believe you are experiencing confusion regarding your romantic and professional life. It is important to understand that some matters require a natural progression and cannot be forced.

Provided you are committed to making progress on a daily basis, you will undoubtedly succeed in your chosen field.

Setbacks are an inevitable part of life. By maintaining a positive outlook, one can navigate these challenges and achieve continued growth and success.

I have the following suggestions for your consideration:

1. Perform your current job to the best of your abilities and consider a career change.

You have been employed for approximately seven to eight years and are currently in a general position. Have you considered a change in either your job or your career?

(1) Consider a change of position.

You may wish to consider whether your abilities would be better suited to a transfer to a senior technical or management position. You could apply to your superior for a transfer, and it may be granted.

It is not uncommon for employees to experience burnout after working in the same position for seven or eight years. If you are able to switch to a more central role within the company, you will have the opportunity to engage with new tasks and content, which can help to prevent burnout.

(2) Change careers

If the industry in which you work has no prospects for development and is even declining, you may wish to consider spending half a year or a year thinking about it while still doing your current job. This period could be used to identify other industries you may be interested in and to ascertain whether you have the courage to try a new position.

Recommended reading: "This book can help you successfully change careers."

2. In terms of romantic relationships, it is recommended to attend a blind date.

You may wish to consider attending local offline matchmaking activities, which could help you to meet more potential partners and thus increase your chances of finding a suitable match.

It is important to seize opportunities when they arise. When you are open to new experiences, you may find that you meet the right person for you, leading to the beginning of a new relationship.

3. Reclaim your previous hobbies.

You previously engaged in leisure activities, and you can resume that practice. When you have hobbies, you can use them to regulate your emotions, regardless of whether you are experiencing positive or negative circumstances.

(1) Positive circumstances

When circumstances are favorable, hobbies can enhance the quality of life.

(2) Adversity

In the event of setbacks in your personal or professional life, engaging in a hobby can help you pass the time, distract you from negative emotions, and assist you in navigating challenging circumstances.

I hope you find this information useful.

I wish you the best of success.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and your loved ones.

Hello, question asker!

I can't offer you advice on how to feel hopeful about the future in just a short description of about 400 words. But I can tell you that I'm here to support you. I'm going to accompany you in seeing more possibilities when you feel so pessimistic and disheartened.

[To avoid learned helplessness].

You say at the end of the article that you are "becoming more and more pessimistic" and "have no hope for what's to come." You need to realize if you are being dominated by the thought of "learned helplessness." "Learned helplessness" is a psychological concept. It occurs when an individual experiences repeated setbacks despite repeated attempts. As a result, they become increasingly negative in their emotions, perceptions, and behaviors. They also lose the willpower to continue challenging themselves.

Your description of yourself is clear: from "no career, no family" to "I don't have any expectations for myself or the world," "I have no career and my personal life is a mess," and "it seems that I am now a waste." Your disappointment in the future and disparagement of yourself are escalating. You have fallen into the vicious circle of "learned helplessness."

You have the resources and energy to make this happen.

Your situation may seem bad, but it doesn't have to be. Look at it from another perspective and you'll see the world is your oyster. "Coordinate new first-tier cities." Compared to other second-tier, third-tier, or even eighteenth-tier small cities, your city has more job opportunities and better salary packages.

You're 90 years old, which is 32 years old this year, and you've worked in the Internet industry for seven or eight years. You currently have a formal job and have accumulated nearly 10 years of work experience in the same industry. You're at a stage in your career where you have a lot of experience, so you have more advantages than newcomers who have only been working for two or three years. You need to consider your own development direction and goals in the future. You said there is still a gap between you and "managerial positions" and "senior technical positions." Which one do you like and excel at? You need to set a clear direction to work towards a goal.

Change doesn't happen overnight.

When we are in a low-energy state, it's easy to fantasize that everything will suddenly be fine. This is an impossible dream, and it will only lead to disappointment. Instead, we need to break down our general expectations into specific, achievable goals and take action one at a time.

This will help us overcome our worries and anxieties about failure, and also reduce the pressure caused by uncertain results. You mentioned a lot of your own ideas in the article: doing a good job in your daily development work, narrowing the gap with your colleagues, falling in love, maintaining your hobbies, mediating your parents' relationship, and allowing yourself to relax and take a break. Pick the one you are most willing to do right now, write down the three steps to achieve it, and then break down the first step you wrote down into three specific actions. Finally, break down the first action into three actions you can immediately implement.

Try it. When you get moving, change will happen.

The original poster must use their own actions to enrich the skinny reality.

The original poster must take action to make the skinny reality plump up.

Good day. I extend to you a comprehensive embrace.

From your initial inquiry and subsequent feedback to other respondents, it is evident that you are uncertain about your actual desires.

It is possible that this life is the life the individual desires, but that it is simply challenging and anxiety-inducing. Regardless of whether this is a coping mechanism or a psychological response, it is all very familiar and completely automatic.

To illustrate, I lack a romantic life and my professional trajectory is in a state of disarray. It appears that I am a mere byproduct of society. In turn, I have no romantic life and my career is a mess.

It is acknowledged that the logical circuit of one's actual thoughts may differ from this hypothesis; however, it is postulated that the similarities will be evident. It is recommended that this hypothesis be contemplated.

Furthermore, you have attempted to alter your circumstances through various means, only to find these efforts ultimately futile.

For example, one might seek the counsel of a psychological counselor in order to gain insight and find solutions to one's problems. However, this approach may not yield the desired results if one is merely "venting their anger with no expectation of finding help."

In other words, you have initiated a change and are seeking to imbue your life with purpose. You can reassure yourself that, despite the lack of immediate optimism, you have taken steps to improve your situation. You have sought assistance and, although you have not yet achieved the desired outcome, you have persisted in your efforts.

The situation remains without hope.

In essence, your reluctance to alter your circumstances precludes the possibility of assistance from others. The absence of hope for change, coupled with the open nature of this platform and the public nature of responses, hinders the formation of a constructive counseling relationship. Consequently, even if the respondent provides a thoughtful and well-considered response, the lack of constraints or follow-up limits the extent to which it can be effectively implemented.

I am unaware of whether you have previously sought assistance, but what prompted you to do so on this occasion? Was it the National Day holiday?

What transpired during the holiday that prompted you to seek assistance? This can serve as a catalyst for initiating changes.

You indicate that you spent the holiday in a self-indulgent manner, engaging in no productive activities, and that you were unable to intervene in the parental dispute.

One might inquire as to the cause of the parental discord. Is it a result of the subject's actions?

Alternatively, could the cause be attributed to their own personal issues?

It is possible that your family requires you to remain in your current state. With this in mind, it would be beneficial to consider that should you become proactive and motivated, your love life and career will improve.

What are the implications of this situation for your parents? How might it affect their lives?

This is a systemic family therapy perspective. From the question posed, it can be surmised that, from the perspective of the parents, the subject is still perceived as a child who requires constant parental care. Despite the subject's age of 32, they continue to demonstrate difficulties in managing their work and life. Additionally, the subject appears to seek guidance and reassurance from their parents.

What are the implications of this for the family as a whole?

It is recommended that you consult with a family therapist. You may attend family therapy sessions either as an individual or as a family unit.

It is advised that you initially consult with a family therapist independently.

Additionally, family therapists are available on the Yixin platform, as well as in local communities. New first-tier cities offer a relatively abundant resource of this kind.

Subsequently, one may attempt to schedule an appointment with a therapist. Alternatively, one may utilize the Yi Xinli platform to search for a pertinent therapist and subsequently confirm the appointment. It should be noted that cancellations are permitted.

Nevertheless, it is strongly recommended that you make the appointment.

I am a psychological counselor who tends to exhibit a dichotomous outlook, oscillating between pessimism and optimism. Despite this, I maintain a positive outlook towards the world.