In the workplace, I often encounter people who offend me. What should I do?

Do you get angry when you feel offended? Or do you feel aggrieved or sad?

If you feel like "there are always people who offend me," you might want to figure out if it's a real offense or just something you think is offensive.

If your company has a culture that's more wolf than wolfdog, or if it's both internally and externally competitive, then mutual offense might be the norm.

In this situation, you can respond in a way that's right for you, defend your boundaries, and let those who offend you know that you're not to be messed with. Or you can let those with low emotional intelligence know that they need to be smart when dealing with you.

If you're not in a position to fight back right now, it might be worth thinking about whether this kind of corporate atmosphere is right for you.

If the situation itself isn't competitive or aggressive, it's worth checking whether other people would feel offended in the same situation. You can ask bystanders, or you could ask your colleagues and friends about the specific incident that you encountered and see if they feel offended.

If they also feel that way, it's still about the environment and being offended by reality. The response is the same as above.

If most people around you don't feel offended in the example you gave, and it's almost only you who feels offended, then you need to think about why, in the same situation, others don't feel offended, but I feel this way? This situation falls under feeling offended.

When you feel offended, it means you feel angry when you encounter a situation. Your emotional response comes first, and then your brain looks for a reason for it. For example, you might think, "I'm angry because he offended me. He has low emotional intelligence."

This is what we call a "distorted perception."

According to interpersonal communication analysis, there are three types of feelings: real feelings, distorted feelings, and true feelings.

Often, you feel a feeling or an emotion, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, or jealousy. You might also feel a physical sensation, such as back pain, a headache, or chest tightness. You "truly" feel these feelings, and they are all real.

But some genuine feelings can help solve problems. They're what I call "true feelings." Some are just distorted feelings that got reinforced by the original family during the growth process.

True feelings, like true anger, are about resolving an ongoing violation; true fear helps you deal with an impending danger; true sadness helps you recover from a recent trauma; and true back pain reminds you that your posture has recently affected your health.

However, distorted feelings aren't the best way to solve problems. They're feelings you formed during your upbringing to help you feel reassured.

For instance, some folks are more prone to sadness and crying. When they feel sad, they tend to play the victim, which often prompts someone to come to their aid—the savior steps in. This can also make the persecutor feel guilty, so the distorted feeling of sadness seems to be quite useful. If a person has formed this distorted feeling, then when something doesn't go their way, they'll genuinely feel sad. But this is a distorted feeling, and their true feeling at that moment may be fear or anger.

Let's go back to the issue of feeling offended. If the same thing makes you feel offended and other people don't feel the same way, it's possible that you're feeling angry. Is there a sense of frustration, powerlessness, or fear underlying this anger?

Maybe this is what you really feel.

It's important to experience your true feelings, act according to them, and solve problems based on those feelings.

To figure out what your distorted feelings are, ask yourself, "When things don't go well, how do I usually feel?" It's important to accept your true feelings and be aware of and analyze your distorted feelings.