In their twenties, leaving campus, struggling with dressing, what to do?

Hello, host!

From what you've said, I'm genuinely concerned for you. I'll have a word with your mother and get her to play something that will grab her attention, so you can develop your own sense of what you like to wear. It seems like all her actions and words are about accompanying and guiding you on how to dress, but she's basically "bullying" you, which is unacceptable.

First, answer the question you asked in the comment section: "If I wear a black suit and black pants, does that mean I can't wear them?" My answer is an unequivocal "No." Suits in solid colors are sold as suits for a reason!

If you are going to a major conference to give a speech or be an important guest, you must dress accordingly.

It is absolutely right for mum to say, "Don't wear black pants with a black suit. It looks like you're going to a funeral..." Dressing up is not illegal. It is simply a convention that society has created to help us get along. A black suit is usually associated with solemnity, so people understand that it is mainly worn in very formal public occasions, sometimes including funerals in some places.

Ultimately, whether you can wear it or not depends on the occasion and the activities you will be doing. You must also consider the customs and habits of the place you are going to when you are putting on your clothes. If you go to a funeral wearing a bright red miniskirt, you will be disrespecting the deceased and their loved ones.

I assume you are, because boys don't seem to have so many options and they can't go wrong no matter what they wear. It will be interpreted as disrespect for the deceased and the deceased's loved ones will be hated. Another example is if you attend a grand wedding but wear a solemn black suit, it will also be misinterpreted by the host because your attire does not reflect congratulations to the newlyweds.

But apart from these major formal occasions and professional attire, which require consideration of the consensus meaning that everyone has assigned to clothing, there are really no special restrictions at other times. The meaning of dress styles is all assigned by humans. We often like red because we feel that it means a flourishing and happy day, but in some regions of the world, red is associated with evil. These practices are not right or wrong; they are simply a matter of personal preference.

If you're unsure how to dress "right" or "appropriately," there are two ways to find certainty.

The first step is to educate yourself. Read books on dressing and matching clothes and colors online. Learn about color matching, style, and silhouette. Understand how these elements convey a certain feeling when you dress. Know that clothing with a specific feeling also has a certain social function in certain situations. This will help you choose what to wear. For example, if you go to an interview, don't wear sportswear. It doesn't align with the social function of the occasion.

The second is the more important part: every time you dress, think about what feelings and experiences you want this choice of clothing to bring you.

Clothing choices are a form of impression management. Your attire conveys your aesthetic taste and preferences, as well as your personality. You can use your clothing to express the impression you want to make on others.

For example, the outfit you want to wear to the gala dinner to be the center of attention is different from the one you want to wear to make people feel introverted and calm. There is no color combination that is definitely "wrong." What you like and what you want is right and appropriate.

Of course, people differ greatly, and the message you convey may be interpreted differently by the recipient. For example, you want to wear a full black suit, but your mother thinks it's inappropriate. This is because your mother has her own interpretation. So ask yourself: Why do you want to wear a full black suit?

Decide what occasion you're dressing for and what impression you want to make. If you think the choice is in line with the effect you want, then wear it. Mom's interpretation is just one possibility, and other people have many more different possibilities.

You can't possibly satisfy everyone's standards of what you should wear. You also have the right to convey your own standards of dress. That's how fashion is created.

You need to try on your own outfit without being told you're "wearing it wrong." This is the only way you'll learn to decide whether you're dressed appropriately according to your own preferences. You can't learn this by asking someone for an answer. You have to try it on yourself and experience it. You have to develop the feelings of "right and wrong" and "appropriate and inappropriate." You can't complete this process without trying on your own outfit.

I want to be clear: you need to try things, make mistakes, and learn from them. You will figure out what looks good on you and what doesn't. You have to experiment to learn. You can't know what feels right for you unless you try it.

You don't know how to dress because you've always been required to wear school uniforms and haven't had the chance to try things for yourself. Your mother is always judging you and saying "no," which has prevented you from trying things for yourself. She may seem like she's helping you, but she's actually getting in the way. This is the reason I am so anxious and upset.

You must learn to trust your own feelings, understand your own needs, make your own choices, and accept all the feelings that come with the results. You can ask your mother for her opinion and discuss why she has a different opinion, but remember: her opinion is not the only one that matters.

Your needs and preferences are the only criteria for your clothing choices. That's what matters most.

The world loves you, and I love you too.

Hello, question asker!

From what the questioner has said, it seems that they are having trouble matching clothes on the surface. This could be because they lack an aesthetic sense. However, there are other issues at play:

1. It seems like the questioner is a little unsure of herself. She's never been sure that she can match clothes well. Whenever her mother says something about the clothes she's chosen, she immediately loses her mind. She thinks inwardly that her mother is not necessarily right, but she dares not contradict her or refute her, and thus questions herself in turn.

2. From what the questioner has said, it seems that her mother is very dominant. She can find fault with any clothes the questioner chooses. Instead of giving the questioner any useful advice, she just criticizes.

3. It seems like the questioner has been pretty strictly controlled by her mother since childhood, and she has to listen to her mother on everything. Her mother's desire for control is also pretty obvious.

I can relate to the challenge the questioner is facing. Sending hugs! I was used to being controlled by my mother since I was young, and I didn't develop the habit of making my own decisions. Although I wanted to get away from it when I grew up, I couldn't because I didn't have enough psychological preparation or foundation. So I could only do some superficial things, like not liking the clothes my mother bought for me, when in fact I hadn't gained enough ability to be independent mentally after separating from my mother.

I was also someone who was taken care of by my mother. Later, because I went to university away from home, my mother could no longer reach me, so I slowly learned to dress and groom myself, and gradually got rid of the feeling of being controlled by my mother.

The questioner can give it a try:

1. When buying clothes, try to buy matching sets rather than individual pieces. Matching clothes is a challenge for everyone. We all have different ideas about what looks good, and it can be hard to get it right. Sometimes you feel great in what you're wearing, but others might not be so impressed. Sets are a good option because you're less likely to make a mistake.

So, while you're still figuring out your personal style, it's a good idea to buy clothes that go well together as much as possible.

2. Go to a physical store or a brand store every season to buy one or two outfits. You can try clothes on in physical stores and see how they feel when you wear them. Then, you can find the rest on Taobao Tmall. You can find what suits your style by trying on clothes. For example, you can find college style, sweet style, or OL style. When you go to a physical store, you should go with your best friend or a friend, not with your mother. Your mother's style is different from yours. What your mother thinks is a bad match may be the current fashion trend.

3. I suggest you read more books on psychology when you have time to adjust your state of mind. Don't assume your mother is always right. You've already grown up, so you should have your own opinions and perceptions. Just because your mother says something is bad doesn't mean it is. And just because she says something is good doesn't mean it is.

You might find it helpful to read both Li Xue's "Get Out of the Drama" and Alfred Adler's "Beyond Inferiority."

The issue for the questioner isn't so much about how to dress as it is about her relationship with her mother. If she needs to talk, she can also find a listener or counselor on the platform to chat with.

I hope the OP will soon find a style of dress that really suits her and become an independent person with a sense of boundaries!