Interpersonal relationships really bother me! I know I can't be passive, but how do I adjust my mindset?

Hello, my name is Shu Yaqingzheng, and I'd love to share my thoughts in the hope that they can give you some support.

It's okay to feel helpless sometimes. We all have those days where we wonder why our relationships with our classmates aren't more comfortable. It's natural to feel this way. You're not alone. Hugs again.

You can take a step back and look at things objectively, be kind to yourself and understand your feelings and needs. You can also apply some psychological knowledge to help you grow.

01. We all have questions and concerns about social situations, and that's okay!

The wonderful Alfred Adler, who founded individual psychology, once proposed the concept that all human troubles stem from interpersonal relationships.

It's totally normal to have interpersonal problems and issues at every stage. It's so great that you can be self-aware and explore the issues.

You're doing great! It's so important to recognize a problem so you can start working on a solution. And remember, growth is a continuous process, so take your time and enjoy the journey!

02. We can't control our troubles, but we can change how we think about them. When we're feeling optimistic, it's easier to understand and solve problems.

Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, also said something very meaningful: "The best life is to change what you can change and accept what you cannot change."

Take a moment to think about your current relationship with your classmates. You might find it helpful to identify which parts you cannot change and which parts you can adjust to make yourself better. Then, you can try to adjust accordingly. This is a great way to help yourself!

It's also important to remember that in all relationships, we need to put ourselves first. When we love ourselves and feel good about ourselves, it's much easier to nourish our relationships.

So, the first thing we need to do is learn to accept ourselves, to be kind to ourselves and understand our inner feelings and needs. Then, we can start to care for ourselves, nourishing and enriching our hearts and minds, and grow ourselves. When we do this, we allow our hearts to be full and strong.

This way, we can love ourselves well and also have the strength to nourish all kinds of relationships!

03. Self-acceptance is all about embracing every part of ourselves, warts and all! It means allowing ourselves to be imperfect, accepting that others might not like us, and being okay with feeling inferior or vulnerable sometimes, because we also have many brave and confident parts.

We're all different, and that's a good thing! We all have our own areas of expertise and our own shortcomings, which make us who we are. Some of these parts are the result of acquired efforts, while others are innate.

So, you can just follow your heart and do what you like, and take responsibility for yourself. As for what other people think, that's their business. It's got nothing to do with you, sweetheart!

It's totally normal to be an introvert and take your time getting to know people. Just be yourself, an introvert who takes their time getting to know people.

If you want to do something, go for it! If you don't want to do it, just say no clearly according to your feelings and needs, without forcing yourself or worrying about the consequences.

04, mindfulness meditation practice and reading can nourish and enrich our hearts and minds in so many wonderful ways! They can give us a peaceful and quiet state of mind, help us grow in self-awareness, and even teach us how to maintain kindness and reason in our relationships with others while remaining gentle with ourselves.

I'd highly recommend reading some psychology books on interpersonal relationships. Some great ones are "The Courage to Be Disliked," "The Art of Communication," and "wooP Thinking Psychology."

The world and I love you so much and we really hope we can help you.

Good morning, Snowflake! I'm counselor Will.

I feel your sadness, fear, frustration, and disgust. Let's hug. Let's talk.

Let's solve our problem.

Interpersonal relationships and specific events:

(1) I got involved in a situation that was not my business, but at the suggestion of classmate B.

(2) I had a fight with my roommate.

In terms of sadness,

Sadness is the main emotion.

"She doesn't like me. I'm sad."

"One of my classmates is still okay to hang out with. I'm sad."

Fear.

"I'm afraid of classmates with strong personalities. Then I feel that she doesn't like me."

In terms of thinking,

They think they can't make friends.

"I don't have any good friends."

They think they're the reason they don't have friends.

"Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing wrong."

Doesn't agree with himself/herself.

I'm introverted and slow to warm up.

Also feels negative.

Don't be negative and blame yourself.

Let's look at three things: the incident, negative emotions, and beliefs. I've shared some ideas for Xiaoxuehua. What do you think?

(1) Specific incident

We've made the two events in the drama and conflict about you. Is this fair?

Interpersonal relationships are about give and take. There's always something you like and something you don't.

The introduction of Classmate B may be what the questioner is worried about, but it may not be.

We can't judge a person or relationship based on one event.

The questioner can try it next time, replacing "I feel" with "demonstrate with actions," or communicating with the other person.

We don't know what the conflict in the dormitory is, but it's similar to this skit. It's okay for the question asker to refuse.

(2) Negative emotions

In relationships, things are never easy. People have different personalities, habits, and backgrounds.

In human interactions, contradictions and conflicts are inevitable. They can teach us about each other.

We often use "feelings" and "attributing to ourselves" to deal with conflicts and contradictions. Is this also how we get along in the questioner's upbringing environment? If so, we need to relearn and grow.

Try to accept yourself and others. See contradictions and conflicts as opportunities for growth.

(3) Beliefs about thinking

Learn about Ellis' ABC model.

A: Anything that causes frustration or adversity.

B. What caused the event? What is its meaning?

C. Emotions and behaviors caused by events and beliefs.

Styles of explanation, from simple to detailed, try to adjust to

Sometimes this is the case. It depends on things like the environment and other people.

Take the MOOC "Positive Psychology" by Professor Zhao Yupeng to become more proactive, optimistic, and improve your communication skills.

Best wishes! Please like and follow us if you like.

I love you, world!

Hello, classmate. I can see you're feeling confused right now, and I'm here to give you a hug!

Don't worry, what you're going through is totally normal. I'm here for you, and I'm giving you another warm hug.

It's totally normal to feel like your interpersonal relationships are causing you a lot of trouble.

It's possible you had a little disagreement with your classmate before.

It's okay to feel this way. It's like you're saying that your relationships with your classmates have caused you a bit of psychological trauma.

So, from now on, you might feel like your classmates don't like you anymore, and you might think that your own actions are the reason for poor interpersonal relationships.

I can see why you're having such negative thoughts. I'm really sorry to hear you've been hurt by your classmates before.

It's so important to remember that once we have psychological trauma, it can really affect our outlook on life and our values.

If you really want to get rid of your negative thoughts, I really think you should seek help from the school psychologist. The good news is that her services should be free of charge!

If there isn't a school psychologist, don't worry! You can also get help from a professional counselor.

We're delighted to offer students a 50% discount on our platform's consultation. All you need to do is fill out a form and submit a proof of enrollment from your school – it's as simple as that!

It's so great to have a counselor you can turn to when you need help re-establishing a positive outlook on life and values.

With the right outlook on life and values, you'll be able to look at things in a more positive and proactive way, even when it comes to your interpersonal relationships.

I really hope you can find a good solution to the problem you're having soon.

I really hope these tips help! I'm thinking of a few more things, but I'm not sure what they are.

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you. I'm here for you, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!