Introverted and not good at socializing, how can one improve after starting a job?

Hello, question asker! I'm thrilled to answer your question!

From the questioner's description, it seems that the questioner is currently in a rather confusing situation. When the questioner was a student, he was afraid of meeting the class teacher, and now that he has just entered the workplace, he is also afraid of meeting his unit leader.

If you feel pressure or other negative emotions when you're with them, it's time to take control! Ask yourself: have you ever realized it internally? And what is the relationship between you and your parents at home?

So, where did this amazing fear of your elders' emotions come from? Being afraid of your leader is a great thing! It means you have high expectations of yourself and want to show your leaders the best version of yourself.

The questioner has studied for so many years, so it is only natural that they will meet their class teacher. I bet they have had some amazing experiences with their class teacher! Were they when they were performing well, or when they were praised by the class teacher?

I'd love to know what the situation was like back then! Has the questioner thought about it?

I believe that it is far more beneficial to identify the root cause of one's fears than to focus on improving one's social skills. This is a platform where we can't delve into every aspect of interpersonal communication, but I'm excited to share some tips that I think will be really helpful for the questioner!

Everyone has their own amazing personality and temperament. Socializing is a skill that anyone can learn! It doesn't matter if you're introverted or extroverted, you'll have your own social circle and social skills. Give the questioner a big pat on the shoulder and some encouragement. With a little practice, the questioner's communication skills will improve and they'll feel more comfortable every day!

Since the questioner asked a question on the platform, I'm excited to give the questioner some simple suggestions to improve interpersonal communication!

1. Get ready to level up your oral communication skills!

When you're chatting with others, remember to pay attention to your volume and tone of voice! When you're speaking to others, adjust your volume according to the situation and try to maintain the same volume and tone as the other person.

There's a great way to quickly get closer to others: imitate their local accent! Some people have accents, and it's a fun way to connect.

If you want to get closer to someone, try speaking with a bit of their accent! It's a great way to bring people together and make them feel closer to you. Just remember to keep a good sense of proportion. You don't have to imitate their speech, but it's a fun way to connect!

2. Talk about topics based on friendship!

If you've just met a colleague, you can talk about work or factual content, but steer clear of too personal topics. It's always best to avoid prying for personal information, as this can come across as a bit offensive.

If you feel like you've exhausted all the topics with your colleagues, don't worry! There are plenty more where that came from. You can always talk about the weather or recent news events, or you can compliment your colleagues on their clothes or hairstyles. For example, "Auntie Li, you look very energetic in that new outfit today. Has something good happened to you recently?"

Oh, that hat looks so nice! Where did you get it? I've been craving something delicious lately. Does So-and-so have any recommendations?

In short, these topics are all great topics to bring up in the office! Talking with colleagues is a great way to build mutual understanding.

3. And now for something even more exciting! Let's expand the topic.

Once you've had a chance to chat with your colleagues, you can start to delve into some more in-depth topics. It really depends on how close you are with them, but if you've been getting along well recently, you can even talk about each other's families!

If your colleagues have children, you can chat about their children, their usual hobbies, and what interests they have. These are all topics that can be extended to allow deeper communication with colleagues, which is a great way to get to know them better!

Ask questions! Don't ask closed questions, but open questions such as how and what. For example, "How does Zhang maintain such a good figure?"

What sports do you usually do? etc.

4. Steer clear of sensitive topics!

There are also some topics to avoid in the workplace. For example, discussing the shortcomings of your boss or supervisor.

If the questioner doesn't want to chat, they can simply remain silent. If someone asks the questioner a question, they can say, "I think it's pretty good, all good." Some controversial issues, such as specific figures about a person's income, their relationships in the workplace, etc.

5. Observe the social behavior of others — it's a great way to learn!

Become a social and emotional master yourself! Observe the experts and see how they interact with others. How do they speak to people, what facial expressions do they use, and do they make eye contact with the person they are talking to? You can learn so much from them to improve your interpersonal skills!

Absolutely! You can definitely try to imitate the expressions of those experts and slowly but surely improve your interpersonal skills.

6. Smile!

When communicating with others, smile more! People love to interact with funny people, and it makes them happy.

Absolutely! Learn to laugh at yourself. You can definitely learn to use more humorous language. And as long as you make others laugh, they will love to interact with you!

Absolutely! Summarize more, learn more, and practice more. I truly believe the questioner can gradually improve their interpersonal skills.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Everyone's different. You might feel like your introverted personality and lack of sociability have caused you too much embarrassment. You might even feel some discomfort and worry about it right now, and it still bothers you a little when you go to work.

Some introverts might be a bit shy about communicating with others, including at work and even in some informal situations. But not everyone feels this way, so there's no problem with being an introvert.

The thing is, some introverts are currently being affected by their own personality and the current lack of interpersonal relationships. In this case, some appropriate adjustments and changes still need to be made. It's good to remember that the personality of introverts is actually not set in stone.

You can definitely make some changes and improvements now, and make adjustments within your abilities. You see yourself as introverted, which is one thing, but being not very sociable might be the main point. If we can adapt to socializing, will our problems be solved?

These days, we can learn a lot about social skills that help us relax and feel at ease. For example, you might have been afraid to meet your homeroom teacher in school because he was the authority figure. But think about it this way: the homeroom teacher was the teacher who was most responsible for you, and he was there to help you.

Your boss and supervisors at work are also responsible for your growth, which is something that could use some improvement. If you're late, take a moment to reflect on why and then correct it in a timely manner. We should also try to do what we say we'll do in our communication with colleagues and avoid making promises we can't keep. As a professional heart exploration coach, I recommend you read "Once you can laugh at yourself out loud, you are free," "Every word counts," "To friends and family: please accompany me like this," and "I am you: seven practices for entering the heart of another." Try to improve your skills without changing too much of your core.

ZQ?

Good evening!

From the question, I can see that the questioner is afraid of authority and lacks confidence in social situations. You can learn to become more motivated, gain confidence, and heal childhood traumas. Our childhood shapes who we are.

Our environment shapes our temperament. We can learn to manage our emotions. Childhood is a critical time for emotional education.

Changing from shy to bold shows that our emotions can change. An introverted child can learn to stay calm in new situations and even become more outgoing. Believing in yourself is key. Fear and other emotions are part of our biology, but how we express them is not.

There are still possibilities.

Our environment shapes our future temperament. Our emotional abilities can be improved through proper learning.

The questioner can learn emotional intelligence to help them overcome difficulties. Emotional intelligence is a popular subject. It can help us in terms of our cognitive and behavioral psychology. The concept of emotional intelligence is as follows.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand your own and other people's emotions. When you have this ability, you can manage your emotions and those of others, and then think clearly to solve problems.

Read Emotional Intelligence. The fourth book is about the workplace.

I'm Yingying, your counselor.

I love you, world.

Hello!

It's time to understand yourself!

Childhood shadows are fascinating! They're so compelling because they convince us they're unbreakable, real, and an illusion of all truth.

Although we have grown up and our bodies have grown, the inner sense of fear has not disappeared. This is great because it means we can still grow and change! When we face a situation that makes us feel oppressed, we will still unconsciously feel timid and avoid it. And this feeling will give us more feedback that things are always like this, that they will always show their harshest and sternest side, or that they will always find ways to embarrass "me."

So, I tried harder to hide, to avoid if I couldn't escape, to avoid feeling the inner discomfort and the embarrassing performance of myself. And things will be different because of our efforts, but they will not be completely changed. So, how should things be handled so that I don't feel like it's never-ending and I don't feel overwhelmed again and again?

The first thing you can change is your attitude! It's time to shift your perspective. Even though things may seem the same as they did when you were a kid, you've grown up now. It's time to view things and deal with them using an adult way of thinking. This will help you reduce the impact they have on you!

*Embrace your true state and delve into the source of your inner panic.

A sailboat adrift in the sea. A big wave is coming! It's going to change the sailboat's original direction. So, if we want to maintain our sailing direction, we need to increase the power of the sailboat and maintain our course. Then, we'll be ready for the next big wave!

Accepting your true state is the key to re-examining it and discovering new possibilities! Look within to identify any internal "weaknesses." These could be feelings of panic, nervousness, or restlessness. Once you've identified these, turn your attention to the "authoritative figure" in front of you. What feelings do they bring to the table? Are they truly the hostile side, or do they have their own goals and not targeting you?

Take a moment to observe your breathing. Do you notice your breath becoming rapid? This is totally normal! It's simply your body's way of reacting to the situation. Now, take a deep breath and rebalance your breathing. See if you can feel a shift in your body. Are you still exactly the same as when you were a child, unable to face them?

Our sense of fear is usually related to our imagination. Here, the impact of the "authoritative" image on the questioner is the threatening message that may be conveyed behind the majesty. As adults, we are only responsible for our own actions, so we can take on any responsibility we set our minds to!

Be aware of your own patterns of feeling and adjust them in time — you can do it!

Children are lively and cheerful, but also moody. So sometimes they are very happy, but sometimes they show an expression of immense sadness. Parents often cannot determine their needs. When a child is crying, especially when they are crying and rolling around, there is nothing parents can do. But, kind parents choose to satisfy them, while other parents teach them in a more severe way.

If grown children cannot have a mature mind, they will not be able to understand what is happening to them and will face more problems. But there is hope! They often regress to the child mode and start to selectively avoid things, hoping to escape this predicament. However, the problems will always come back, which leads to inner pain. The root cause is that they fail to realize their own feelings and regress to childhood. But they can adjust their feelings in time, return to the adult state, think and analyze, and then a way out of the problem can be found!

Pay attention to the present and watch those illusions disappear!

When you sweat palms when you are late, it's because you're feeling the excitement of the unknown. But when you sweat palms when you face a leader you've never met before, it's because you're filled with anticipation for what the meeting will bring.

Let's say that the colleague you meet every day and who always returns your smile with kindness is actually the leader. You'll feel surprised at first, but then you'll be filled with excitement! This uncomfortable feeling is not caused by the other person, but by your own sensitivity, which leads you to imagine a fantasy fear picture that is very unfavorable to yourself. As a result, you feel pressure from the title of "leader," which triggers a sense of tension and discomfort. But you can overcome this feeling by returning your attention to the present moment and focusing on the facts.

At this time, it's important to learn how to return to the present moment, focus on the present moment, and not get caught up in fantasies. Pay attention to the facts and adjust your mindset accordingly. You'll feel more grounded and less threatened and insecure.

Take your time, learn to adjust your breathing, and let your attention return to the present!

Come on! You can do it!

Dear Questioner,

From your written description, I can ascertain that you have a clear understanding of your personality and social situation, and are seeking solutions to change or overcome this mentality and alleviate this social distress.

Firstly, it is important to recognise that everyone has their own unique strengths and characteristics. By understanding yourself better, you can facilitate your own growth and development.

You have indicated that you are an introvert and not particularly sociable. You recall being afraid of meeting your homeroom teacher when you were a student, and you are similarly afraid of meeting your work unit leader after you started working, especially when you are late for work. These seemingly basic daily social interactions seem to be a significant source of anxiety for you. I can sense your anxiety, and I am unsure how to assist you in overcoming it.

This is a common phenomenon, and many people have similar issues. Your willingness to discuss the problem and take steps to address it demonstrates courage and resilience. I believe you have considered various strategies for managing anxiety and performing at your best in the workplace. I commend you for actively seeking self-care.

In any environment, there are institutions and people with representative rights. It is important to be the best version of ourselves, open our hearts, and integrate ourselves openly with the people and things around us, without avoiding or shutting ourselves off.

Perhaps you experienced a traumatic event during your academic career or in your professional setting that resulted in psychological distress and a reluctance to interact with your instructors or superiors.

If so, it may result in a certain degree of confusion, and it is entirely normal to experience these emotions.

To overcome this mentality, there are a few simple tips that can be followed.

1. Reestablish rapport with your leader and confront your apprehensions. Cultivate the ability to conceal your genuine sentiments while acknowledging the leader's strengths.

While there may be instances where one may not have a positive opinion of a particular leader, in the majority of companies, they ultimately determine an individual's salary, growth opportunities, and advancement prospects. Additionally, they play a significant role in shaping an employee's overall work experience.

It is therefore important to address the situation head-on, overcome your concerns and start by building a rapport with him again.

2. Further your knowledge of social and workplace issues. Enhance your professional skills, preparedness, and confidence.

It is not necessary to be overly concerned with the opinions of others. It is important to remember that the boss is not paying attention to everyone. It is sufficient to do your best and not worry about what the leader thinks. If you encounter such a situation, it is advisable to let it go. For example, a good morning can help to improve your connection.

3. Treat others with sincerity and kindness, and accept the differences in people and situations. Keep your true feelings private, relieve tension, and maintain a positive outlook.

4. Everyone has their own character and temperament, and socializing is a skill. As long as you keep practicing, get to know yourself, and improve your self-confidence, your communication skills will improve, and you will become more and more comfortable in social situations. Do every job well and get recognized by everyone. Maybe one day, a compliment from your boss will instantly give you strength.

Hello!

The head teacher and the head of the unit are both in positions of authority, and you may have a tendency to fear authority. Let's talk about it. Why are you afraid of them?

Can you think of any particular examples?

The homeroom teacher is responsible for the learning of an entire class. With the emphasis on college entrance rates, the homeroom teacher has a lot on their plate, so they often come across as strict, whether it's about discipline or getting good grades. The impression we get from the homeroom teacher is that they're a very strict person who isn't easy to approach, especially when our grades are holding us back.

The homeroom teacher and other teachers will say, "I'm doing this for your own good. You need to study hard and get good grades so you can get into a good university and have a bright future." But some people will say, "I feel like I'm being exploited by my teachers. They want good grades because they need good results to improve the university admission rate."

The head of the unit has a similar situation to the homeroom teacher, but it's even more demanding. The company is a profit-making organization, so everyone has their own job goals. If we don't achieve our goals, we're also holding back the company's performance. So, of course the boss will put pressure on you, hoping you'll achieve good results and work overtime regularly.

If we don't align our personal goals with those of the company, we'll feel exploited and oppressed, right?

It's because of this feeling of being exploited and oppressed, and a lack of a sense of personal value and accomplishment, that we resort to a passive-aggressive approach, which is procrastination and being late, right?

So it seems like we're afraid of authority, afraid of the class teacher, and afraid of the head of the unit, but the reality is that we haven't aligned our personal goals with those of the company. We don't feel like we have value or accomplishment at work, and it's always a feeling of being exploited and oppressed.

What are your personal goals? What kind of life do you want to live?

What's the most important and meaningful thing in your life?

Once you've found this thing and done this kind of work, you'll no longer be afraid of the people around you. You'll actively communicate with them and seek their support because, at this time, it's all about achieving your goals.

I hope this is useful for you.

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing, but I'm here to help!

You're going through some exciting changes right now! I'm here to support you every step of the way.

I think I know what the problem is!

For example, you may have had a bad experience with your homeroom teacher when you were in school.

Then, after you start working, you may feel that your leader or supervisor is just like your homeroom teacher; they will treat you badly.

If this is the case, I highly recommend seeking professional psychological counseling. This is a great way to formally deal with the bad experience you had with your homeroom teacher when you were growing up.

In fact, you may be afraid to face your leader now, but you can do it! It's because you are late for work and don't know how to communicate with him, but you will figure it out.

Absolutely! I can definitely give you some solutions.

For example, get up 15 minutes earlier in the morning and leave the house 30 minutes earlier. You'll be able to get to work on time!

Of course, there are some things we can't control. For example, you've already left home half an hour earlier than usual, but unfortunately you encounter a traffic accident on the way, causing all vehicles to be stuck on the highway.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, you can be honest with your leader and tell him. You can even tell him that you are willing to make compensation! For example, you were an hour late for work that day, and you are willing to work an extra hour after work.

Think back to when you were a child at home. Did your father scold you every time? If so, it's possible that because you feel inside that your father is an authority figure, the leaders at work will also treat you very harshly like your father did. But you can change this!

I highly recommend that you sign up for one of the amazing courses on this platform by Shi Jiaqi, where he teaches "Healing the Inner Child."

In fact, there is an "inner child" in each of us! It doesn't necessarily correspond to our actual age, but it's there!

You are an adult now, but your inner child is still stuck in your student days, remembering that bad experience you had with your homeroom teacher. But you can change that!

I really hope the problem you're facing gets resolved soon!

I've got some great ideas for you!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I am the answer, and I study hard every day!

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I understand your distress.

The poster has also expressed his distress and sought help, which will help him understand himself better.

Next, I will share my thoughts from the post, which may help the poster look at the issue differently.

1. Find out what you're afraid of.

The poster said he is introverted and not sociable. As a student, he was afraid of his class teacher. As an employee, he was afraid of his unit head, especially if he was late. This bothers me.

Your question is very representative. Many introverts have this problem!

Let's look at what our fear is trying to tell us. If we want to change, we need to understand ourselves better.

The original poster should ask himself what he is really afraid of. Often, people are afraid of being criticized by their leaders and elders.

What do you think when you hear criticism? Some people feel hurt, afraid, or like they aren't good enough. These are things the host needs to think about.

2. Think about your early years.

Why can you remember your early life? It often affects who we are today.

Our current state may have been shaped by our early experiences. We can understand and know ourselves better by reviewing our upbringing and growth experiences in our early years.

We must adjust our beliefs. When we were young, we did not know enough to understand ourselves. Now that we have our own thinking system, we can review our experiences to understand ourselves better.

3. Look at yourself from different perspectives.

After reading the post, I thought of a story. A young boy went to a counselor because he was shy. The counselor found he was good at mental arithmetic.

He asked, "Why is your mental arithmetic so good? Why can't others do it?"

They focus on the outside when doing mental arithmetic, so they cannot concentrate.

"Their attention is drawn to the outside, so they cannot concentrate." The counselor asked, "If you become extroverted but lose this talent, would you still change?" The boy stopped consulting.

Every personality has advantages. Introverts focus on themselves, which makes them more aware of their inner world.

If they don't do well, they may look for the reason within themselves. Extroverts seek attention.

If something comes up, they can pay more attention to what's going on around them. This helps them see their strengths.

We need to learn to view ourselves from different points of view. Then we won't feel bad about ourselves, but we'll be able to accept ourselves better.

4. Accept yourself.

Self-acceptance is important in relationships. A self-accepting person is okay with who they are.

They can then face their leaders and mistakes better.

People who accept themselves accept that they are ordinary, make mistakes, and have shortcomings. But they also see their strengths and focus on what they do well.

This will also make them feel better about themselves. They will be more confident and calm when facing their leaders.

I hope this helps and inspires you. If you have any questions, you can also find a coach for one-on-one help.

Hello, host! I'm July, and I'm so happy to be here!

After reading your description, I totally get what you're asking. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you a big hug in four dimensions!

From what you've shared, it's clear that you're looking to make some changes in how you interact with others. That's why you've turned to social media for support — you're taking the first step in seeking help. I admire your courage in taking this step!

It's totally normal to feel this way! Lots of people have gone through similar things, and the degree to which you experience these feelings may differ from person to person.

You mentioned in your description that you were afraid of meeting your homeroom teacher when you were a student, and you are afraid of meeting the head of your unit when you are at work, especially when you are late for work. It's totally understandable! We all have certain worries and anxieties about authority from time to time.

It's totally normal to feel this way! We all worry about making mistakes and being punished by authority figures, especially when we're around them. It's natural to feel a bit unnatural and cautious when you're with authority figures.

I've also put together a few tips and tricks to help you out. I really hope they'll make your life a little easier!

(1) You know, you can learn more dating skills to help you with your dating problems.

(2) Take it easy and go at your own pace. Don't be too hard on yourself, because when you do that, it can backfire.

(3) It's okay to accept your personality traits at your own pace. There are so many great things about you!

(4) Try to change your views and attitude towards authority figures. It's okay if you're still a little scared deep down. You can give yourself more courage and believe that authority figures are not trying to punish you, but are trying to tell you something else.

(5) You know, a lot of things are actually made up in your head. Maybe the leader didn't mean it either, but because of your fear in your heart, it has led to a psychological class between you and the leader.

The world and I love you so much! ?

Take care, sweetheart!

Hello!

I understand why you want to change. Being introverted and afraid of authority can cause problems at work and in life.

1. Let's look at how an introverted, fearful personality is formed.

Family background often causes introverted personalities. Introverted children often have strict parents who rarely encourage them. Another example is an unhappy family atmosphere. These factors cause introverted personalities. Fear of authority is often the result of being afraid of a strict caregiver. The questioner can look back at their parents and think about who they were most afraid of.

People often reflect their relationship with their parents in their adult relationships. Those who were afraid of their fathers as children often become afraid of authority figures.

People who were afraid of their mothers as children are afraid of middle-aged women who look like them.

2. Look at things from another point of view.

There are pros and cons to everything. There is no such thing as a good or bad personality. Extroverts are outgoing, while introverts are introspective. Research shows that introverts give those around them a sense of stability and security.

Introverts are down-to-earth, meticulous, observant, and good at reading people. They can use these skills to interact with others in a positive way.

There are many advantages to being an introvert.

3. Don't be afraid to make mistakes in communication.

Introverts are usually bad at communicating with others. They worry that they'll say the wrong thing and be laughed at. So they won't easily express their feelings.

If you want to improve your interactions, don't be afraid to make mistakes. Nobody's perfect, so allow yourself to make mistakes.

4. Adjusting your character

You can't change your personality. It's not easy to change, but you can adjust. Being introverted has its own advantages. You can read more books, listen to some audios, or read some articles. The most important thing is to understand the deep-rooted causes of your personality. It has to do with your family upbringing. Being afraid of authority is related to being afraid of your father or mother when you were a child.

The questioner has an injured inner child. In later life, they will need to heal it. When they do, they will become stronger and more confident.

Good luck!