Introverts always lose out when it comes to interpersonal interactions, as they subconsciously avoid them. What can they do?

Dear Question Owner,

Avoidance is the self-assessment of one's interpersonal interactions. There is a subconscious tendency to avoid, and there is a lack of proficiency in demonstrating a proactive side. In retrospect, there is a sense of regret, as though an opportunity was missed, and that the situation could have been utilized to foster a profound friendship or advance the relationship to the next level.

It is evident that you are making strides in enhancing your interpersonal relationships. You are seeking a soulmate and aspire to establish a spiritual connection within your relationships.

The question of how to communicate with others proactively is one that has been a source of introspection. Upon reflection on past social interactions, there is a growing confidence in the ability to respond in a more satisfactory manner in similar situations. However, recurring instances of avoidance in similar situations persist.

1. The atmosphere of the scene at the time may be a contributing factor. In real-time contact, there is a sense of pressure in facing the other person. It is challenging to anticipate the topics that may be discussed or the intimate actions or enthusiastic attitude that may be displayed. This can lead to feelings of concern and worry about one's ability to handle the situation.

2. One may still perceive oneself as an introverted and shy individual. One's cognitive positioning may be that of an individual who is not proactive or enthusiastic. One may also believe that one must present the same shy and introverted character traits in the eyes of others. One's subjective awareness may be that of a desire to change one's social image, while one's subconscious self-cognitive positioning may still be that of an introverted person with an avoidance tendency. When one presents oneself socially to the outside world, one may experience an "embarrassing feeling of inconsistency between inside and outside." One may then subconsciously choose to present a "consistent pattern" between one's external appearance and internal positioning.

The aforementioned concepts serve as reference points for problem-solving strategies. By aligning these ideas with the underlying psychological issues, a direction for addressing the problem can be identified.

Best wishes.

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, I can see that you have a high level of self-awareness. You have identified some avoidant personality traits and feel that you are not suited to interpersonal interactions. You have expressed a desire to make adjustments. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

As a psychological counselor, I would like to present my understanding from a psychological perspective.

Each individual possesses a unique set of character traits, which are closely intertwined with their personal growth trajectory and the patterns of their parent-child relationships.

There are three types of insecure attachment to an object: ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized. This is also a pattern formed by the interaction between the child and the mother or primary caregiver in the early years. Avoidant attachment is mainly due to the mother or primary caregiver's neglect, indifference, or ignorance of the child, or the mother's depression and anxiety, which causes the child to feel insecure externally and their internal needs are not seen, denied, or belittled. As an adult, they are always worried about being hurt and thus reluctant to express their inner needs. They are sensitive to interpersonal relationships, suspicious, and instinctively avoid emotions or relationships. They will only slowly open their hearts to express themselves when they feel safe, and afterwards they will feel regret, self-blame, and guilt.

The first step in adjusting is to accept yourself.

It is important to understand your own character traits, to be aware of the process of their formation, to ask your parents with curiosity about your interactions with them when you were a child, to communicate with them, and to have in-depth exchanges. This is the psychological perspective of becoming aware of unconscious behavior, which also opens up the possibility of changing and adjusting your patterns, repairing your relationship with your parents, and better adapting to the interpersonal relationship patterns of adulthood.

Secondly, it is important to learn to express your inner feelings. Avoidant attachment is more about a sense of uncertainty. You are always worried about being hurt and blamed. You have internalized object relations, and external negation, blame, and belittlement have been internalized as self-negation, a sense of powerlessness, and a lack of self-worth.

It is also important to break these fixed patterns, express them in words, and integrate your subjective assumptions with the real world.

Third, identify resources. Begin by recognizing the value of your upbringing, awareness, and resilience.

Secondly, it is important to recognise the love your parents have shown you, despite the challenges you may have faced. It is essential to maintain a sense of gratitude for the love and support they have provided. Additionally, your positive relationships with friends, colleagues, and mentors can offer invaluable assistance and guidance. By embracing these connections and expressing gratitude, you can foster a sense of love and nourishment, which can empower you to become a more confident and effective individual.

At last, your expression of yourself on the platform today and self-reflection mark the start of change and the first step in self-growth. Express your inner needs and request assistance so that more teachers will actively support you from different dimensions. The world loves you, and you must also learn to love yourself. Let's proceed!

Hello.

I see your story, and I'm here to help. It's normal to feel confused when you can't express your true feelings in a relationship. Let's look at what's holding you back from being your confident self.

1. Identify the root cause of your fear of conflict and accept your weaknesses.

In life, when we communicate with others, we are eager to express our true feelings. However, because we care so much about the relationship, we also experience fear and dread. This often leads us to avoid and ignore our feelings, but we dare not deal with them head-on. Either we lack the interpersonal skills to communicate effectively and unintentionally hurt the other person, or we lack the self-esteem to protect ourselves and are afraid of being hurt, so we avoid the situation. These are extreme ways to deal with the problem. To find the root cause, we need to deeply analyze the reasons behind our fear of expression.

We must accept that in communication, we will sometimes receive ambiguous or misunderstood situations. This can lead to fear of relationships and avoidance of conflict. It is important to understand that this is not only related to our sense of self-esteem, but also to the personality of an individual who is afraid to defend their own interests in the face of conflict.

2. Build inner self-confidence.

I am an introvert. In interpersonal interactions, I avoid things subconsciously. Even when I am with someone, I don't express enthusiasm and initiative strongly in words or actions. I regret this afterwards.

In interpersonal relationships, our expression is not always affected by the other person's strength or lack of understanding. It is often affected by our lack of true trust and self-confidence in ourselves. We always want to cater to the other person in the relationship, but we need to know that other people are not perfect either. We don't need to be perfect and considerate all the time. We need to establish inner self-confidence, accept ourselves, and be more able to accept the other person's shortcomings in the relationship. This way, neither party feels miserable in the relationship and both parties truly express their feelings and thoughts.

3. Encourage and praise yourself, and reasonably arrange your internal needs.

Introverts are usually not good at expressing themselves, but they are good at execution. However, in very normal interpersonal interactions, if introverts pay too much attention to their own needs and focus on the fact that the other person is not 100% satisfying their needs, they are likely to enter the wrong path in their relationships. They must avoid excessive subjective evaluation and shift some of their attention to the objective facts. This will prevent them from feeling abandoned and neglected, and they will be able to enjoy the relationship more.

You've got this. Keep up the good work!

Hello,

You don't take the initiative with others because you're afraid of what they'll think. I feel the same way. I avoid speaking up because I'm afraid of what might happen. It's a way of protecting myself.

Being introverted is not bad, but it may mean less communication, which can impact relationships. This impact can be negative or positive. Some people like introverted expression, while others prefer extroverted expression. People are different.

How to solve it:

[1] Find why you can't express yourself.

As I said before, if you can't express yourself, you must have a desire or need. Only you know what you want.

[2] Being proactive may lead to more opportunities.

This situation must exist. When we take the initiative and express ourselves, there are more opportunities.

[3] Practice expressing yourself.

When you're with friends or meeting someone new, chat about anything. This opens our hearts and minds and helps us make unexpected friends.

Speak up more often.

If we don't speak up, we'll miss out. We can cheer ourselves up and be more courageous. If we don't express our needs, we'll never get what we want. Don't be afraid of rejection. Everyone has needs and makes choices, and that's normal.

I hope this helps.

Extroversion and introversion are human tendencies that express our nature and the way we choose to face the world and ourselves.

Psychologically speaking, introversion refers to a type of temperament that is directed inward. There is no doubt that people whose words, thoughts, and emotions are often directed inward are introverted, indicating that the excitatory processes of the nervous system predominate.

Avoidance is a way of facing the world. It is a form of relative denial.

Introverts are indeed used to dealing with problems in an evasive way.

They are not equivalent.

Let me be clear: just because you avoid a problem doesn't mean you're an introvert.

You don't have to avoid problems just because you're introverted.

It is human nature to seek out benefits and avoid harms.

Sometimes, we develop reasons why this approach is better than others and why this pattern is always used instead of others.

It is often because at the beginning, we gained "sweeteners" in some of these processes.

You can stop thinking, stop doing something, and even stop saying something. The result may not be as bad as you think, but it will be better.

Or, to some extent, you believe that avoidance is an easy and sufficient solution.

You need to ask yourself why you want to ask, feeling regret, missed opportunities, pity, and loss.

It has nothing to do with whether you are introverted or extroverted.

The thing you want to avoid—the good or the bad—has reached a point where

Avoidance is no longer an effective coping strategy.

Avoidance will not help you get what you want or want more and better. You cannot achieve the situation you desire by simply avoiding it.

You can't achieve it.

You have to think about what you need to do to achieve all this that you want, without asking how to change and improve.

Do it.

It may require a change in language, action, motivation, and initiative.

It may require a lot of changes and improvements, but it may only require a little.

What do you want? Then, work hard to get it.

This is a long-term commitment. It's also about dealing with human relationships. You have to be patient and fight for your opportunities.

You must wear a polite and decent mask.

Forget about whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. Think about how much effort you're willing to put in for what you want and how much responsibility you're willing to take on. Consider whether you're willing to face the remorse of avoidance.

You must accept the responsibility for your actions, including the remorse of avoiding and not facing the truth.

You have to know that avoiding something allows you to avoid facing it in the present moment and some of the cruelty within yourself.

But in the long run, you must face it. You must not delay, or you will suffer.

It's not going to be great, is it?

If you don't experience some suffering now, you will certainly experience it later. You don't know if it will be even more suffering, or even if the sweetness will be gone.

If you want to change and improve, think carefully about why, what, and how much.

Raise your inner desire and think clearly about how to make this a reality.

Then, put it into practice.

You will only achieve what you want if you always make an effort in the direction of your goal.

Don't fool yourself. If you don't want it, stop wasting your time and tell yourself, "I don't want it."

If you want it, do everything you can to make it happen. There's no need to worry about improving yourself.

You will become the kind of person you want to be as long as you want it and do it.

This is for your reference.

Good morning, My name is Jiang 61.

Firstly, we would like to thank you for placing your trust in us and for providing us with the opportunity to assist you in improving your situation. You have inquired as to the potential solutions for introverts who subconsciously avoid interactions and consequently experience adverse effects.

You have already identified the issue. Let us now examine how to improve the situation.

1. Mental State

1. Behavior

You indicated that you are an introvert who subconsciously avoids social interactions, even when in the presence of others.

Subconscious avoidance

You believe that you subconsciously avoid positive interactions with people in your social interactions. Could you please describe what you were thinking at the time?

Or were you concerned about something else?

Failing to take the initiative.

You appear to be in a state where you do not feel inclined to actively express yourself, even in the presence of other individuals. Your description gives the impression that you may be preoccupied with concerns or intentionally concealing certain information.

Therefore, you do not proactively express your thoughts in written form.

2. Reflection

You indicate that you often experience regret when reflecting on missed opportunities. Despite your ability to express yourself and interact with others effectively, you believe that your avoidance and lack of initiative have resulted in missed chances, some of which were unfortunate.

? Deliberate avoidance

In this description, you indicate that you are able to express yourself and interact with others normally. You have the desire to express yourself, but you are deliberately suppressing yourself, which you consider to be "evasive."

I believe you may be experiencing some concern, which is prompting your subconscious mind to inhibit your expression of thoughts and ideas.

Regret

It is evident that you regret your actions because you missed out on numerous opportunities as a result of not taking the initiative to express yourself. I would like to understand what these missed opportunities mean to you.

Please clarify why you feel remorse.

3. Ask questions.

You inquire, "How can I implement changes and improvements?"

The objective is to modify the current approach to capitalize on potential opportunities.

Your idea is sound. If you wish to alter your current situation, you must first identify the reasons why you are unable to express yourself in a timely manner.

2. Reasons for Inability to Express Thoughts

1. Lack of self-confidence

There are numerous reasons why individuals often find it challenging to articulate their thoughts. One such reason is a lack of confidence in one's ability to clearly and effectively express their genuine intentions.

Additionally, there is a concern that others may view this idea in a negative light. This prompts the subconscious mind to avoid expressing this idea.

This is what is commonly referred to as avoidance.

2. The influence of the original family

It is important to note that the phenomenon of deliberate avoidance of expression is not a recent occurrence. Rather, it is a long-standing issue that has been present throughout your life, particularly within the context of your original family. This phenomenon has had a significant impact on you, extending beyond the recent past.

Your abilities are being denied.

In other words, in your family of origin, one or more parents often undermined and criticized your performance and your expression, or interrupted you directly, creating a perception that you were always incorrect or that you consistently performed poorly, which in turn led to a lack of confidence in your abilities.

The concept of "acquired helplessness" is defined as a psychological state in which an individual or animal responds to repeated setbacks with negative emotions, perceptions, and behaviors.

Individuals who frequently encounter rejection tend to develop a mindset that limits their ability to express themselves. When they feel the need to express themselves, they may naturally question whether they will be rejected again. This internal dialogue, driven by their subconscious mind, often leads to a sense of learned helplessness, preventing them from pursuing their desired expression.

Acquired helplessness refers to a specific psychological state in which an individual or animal responds to repeated setbacks with negative emotions, perceptions, and behaviors.

3⃣, Character-based

You indicated that your inner character is a contributing factor to your inability to express yourself. You described yourself as conscientious and idealistic with a penchant for perfectionism.

I believe you may have a melancholic personality.

Individuals with a melancholic personality tend to exhibit the following characteristics:

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and driven to pursue truth, goodness, and beauty.

Your strengths include sensitivity, loyalty, talent, and insight.

Your shortcomings include stubbornness, indecision, self-centeredness, and pessimism.

Your self-closed and pessimistic outlook will also result in a tendency to keep your heart closed and unable to express yourself.

3. Recommendations

1. Understand the reason why you cannot express yourself actively.

To resolve the current situation, it is essential to first identify the underlying cause. Once this is understood, it will be possible to develop an appropriate solution and implement a plan of action to address the problem.

2. Break free from the constraints imposed by your original family structure.

Furthermore,

Your current behavior is susceptible to influence from your family life due to a lack of self-awareness. This leaves you feeling uncertain and lacking in self-confidence, which in turn affects your ability to take responsibility for your actions and words.

The second step is to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

It is important to understand your strengths.

It is essential to understand your interests, strengths, and weaknesses, as well as your personality, character, and abilities. This knowledge is vital for effective communication and interpersonal skills.

It is important to understand your abilities.

It is also important to understand your own abilities, limitations, and capabilities. Once you have a clear understanding of your abilities, you can make informed decisions and approach challenges with a positive mindset.

It is important to build self-confidence.

It is important to let go of obsessions.

To build self-confidence, the first step is to discard past perceptions of yourself and reject the notion that you are unable to succeed. Even if there is an inclination towards learned helplessness, acknowledge that circumstances can be altered if you are determined to do so.

Perform tasks that align with your strengths.

In social interactions, communicate with others in a way that is effective for you. Talk about your feelings and respond to the other person's questions promptly to create a positive atmosphere for communication. Focus on your own communication and don't let negative emotions affect your thoughts.

Recall instances of success.

It is beneficial to recall your own successful examples and record your mood, feelings, and experiences at the time. This allows you to accumulate material for future growth. It is important to recognize your achievements, care for yourself, value yourself, and affirm your usefulness.

Self-motivation

Provide yourself with positive reinforcement for each successful endeavor, affirm your capabilities, recognize your achievements, take pride in your accomplishments, and cultivate self-assurance.

3⃣️ Deliberate Practice

People's confidence and abilities are gradually acquired through deliberate practice. It is therefore essential to practise communication in a conscious manner.

Engage in communication with individuals who are positive influences in your life.

One way to begin developing your communication skills is by engaging in conversations with individuals you consider to be good friends. These conversations should be in-depth and focus on topics of mutual interest. There are several benefits to this approach. It can help you feel more at ease, improve your language skills, expand your social circle, and establish good interpersonal relationships.

Communication with strangers

Once you have become accustomed to communicating with good friends in a variety of settings, you may wish to extend your practice to include greeting and communicating with strangers in unfamiliar environments. For instance, you could greet the receptionists and security personnel at hotels, shopping malls, and community entrances, as well as engage in conversation with strangers at cocktail parties and seminars.

Develop your ability to communicate effectively with people you don't know.

People's ability to present themselves is not innate, and neither are opportunities. They are accumulated through practice, bit by bit. I believe that if you are willing to try, you will notice changes in yourself and become the person you want to be. Opportunities will start to come your way.

It is important to have confidence in yourself if you want to succeed. Believing in your abilities is the first step to achieving your goals.

I wish the questioner all the best in their future endeavors.

From your description, it is evident that you are frustrated due to your introverted nature and tendency to avoid interpersonal interactions, which often results in missed opportunities. Additionally, it is clear that you are seeking a change but are uncertain about the direction to take.

From your description, it seems that you feel introverted and that avoidance in interpersonal interactions is a negative behavior. How do you feel when you engage in avoidance behavior?

I believe your long-term interpersonal avoidance pattern has served you in some way. It is important to identify what you have gained by avoiding. Factors such as safety, stability, familiarity, and relaxation may have played a role. It is essential to understand whether these aspects are crucial to your well-being and if so, how they contribute to your overall protection.

You have indicated a desire to change this pattern, which previously served you well but is no longer aligned with your current needs. Having a clear goal provides motivation, but how do we identify a breakthrough and take action?

Let's revisit the beginning of our discussion. You have indicated that you are not deficient in expressing yourself, yet you refrain from taking the initiative. As a result, opportunities are missed, and subsequently, you experience regret, perceiving yourself as a victim. I believe you have a positive self-image, including the ability to express yourself. This is something to be affirmed.

This also indicates that you possess a high level of self-confidence. Conversely, it appears that you may lack proficiency in identifying or capitalizing on opportunities. You did not perceive this as a promising prospect at the time, so you did not take an active or positive approach.

It appears that you have been unable to differentiate between the typical situation and the optimal one, resorting to avoidance as a coping mechanism. How do you respond to this observation?

To distinguish between the two situations, it may require more active observation and participation in interpersonal interactions.

These are my assumptions, which I hope will prove useful to you.

Hello, question asker!

I'm Shentang coach Shanshan Wanquan, and I appreciate you asking the question.

After reading your description, I get the sense that you see yourself as "a bit communication-27938.html" target="_blank">introverted" and that you don't actively engage with others or avoid them. As a result, you've missed some opportunities and feel a little resentful when you think about it.

So, you want to tackle this issue head-on and make some improvements. In your relationships with others, you should be more open and proactive in pursuing your goals.

You've already taken the first step by noticing this and asking questions to make a change.

1. Keep an eye on the thoughts and beliefs that are stopping you from communicating with others.

You think, "I'm not bad at expressing myself or interacting with others, but I avoid it," and there must be some thoughts and beliefs behind this. You can try to find out and write them down. Ask yourself:

What's the reason behind my avoidance of communication and exchange with others? (For example, I need others to pay attention to me...)

What belief or idea am I trying to put into practice by doing this? It could be that I'm not good enough or that I'm afraid that others won't be satisfied with me.

These needs, thoughts, or beliefs might have come from your family of origin, your teachers, or friends.

It's also worth taking a look at the patterns you've picked up when communicating with people you're close to. Are you naturally cautious and passive, or proactive and generous, and popular? The next time you notice a part of yourself that's avoiding communication, give it space, embrace it, and listen to what it's thinking and feeling in that moment.

Be kind to him, be his friend, accept him, understand him, and encourage him.

2-Make the most of your introverted personality and build your personal charm in social situations.

You say, "Introverts always suffer," which isn't a complete picture and also ignores the challenge of changing personal traits. This kind of denial isn't helpful for us in expressing ourselves better, and we need a more comprehensive understanding.

Statistically speaking, only about 30% of people are truly introverted or extroverted. The rest have an intermediate personality and will show different aspects in different situations. In other words, our personality is usually quite flexible.

Also, personality is something you're born with, and there's no such thing as a completely good or bad personality. Extroverts are always on the go, and they have a wide range of interests, but they don't pay much attention to anything in particular.

The energy of introverts flows inward, which makes it narrower in breadth but deeper and thicker.

If you feel more introverted, start by accepting yourself. Then, look at your introverted side with a positive eye and create conditions to cultivate your strengths. For example, you could focus on the depth of your thinking, the joy of being alone, or your ability to concentrate.

When you can be your true self, you'll have the inner charm to attract the attention of others.

3-Recommended Resources

I'd also recommend Louise Hay's "Life Reconstruction" for tips on how to do a "spiritual spring cleaning" and how to love yourself. And "The Advantages of Introverts" is a great read for learning how to make the most of being an introvert.

Courses: 100 Psychological Lessons: Exploring the Self and Unlocking the Potential by Lin Zi. It's worth studying for the content on self-knowledge and self-growth.

Good day, I am Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach.

As an introvert, you may feel that you are in a state of avoidance and passivity in interpersonal interactions, which has resulted in missed opportunities. This may lead to feelings of regret and self-blame. However, you have demonstrated a willingness to change, which is an important first step. Let's share and discuss together:

1. Everyone has their own inherent patterns.

As you correctly identified, the issue is not that you are unable to express yourself. Rather, your personality has developed a passive and avoidant pattern.

The underlying behavioral patterns are shaped by thought and emotion patterns. These patterns have formed for a reason: they have helped you in the past. The patterns you don't like and want to change have been useful to you in the past. Since they have been useful, we need to be grateful for them, not fight against them.

The method is straightforward: "Only awareness can lead to change." Change requires a new decision after seeing.

Consequently, the essential first step is to gain a clear understanding of the situation.

You can develop your ability to meditate and perceive yourself, your emotions, and the emotional needs behind them. For example, you can address your passivity and avoidance, your desire for more security in relationships, and your need to control things and people.

For instance, your lack of proactive behavior has resulted in missed opportunities and a desire for recognition and acceptance. Achieving these goals will require awareness and a willingness to adapt.

2. Set yourself a modest challenge in relation to change.

The current state of your life is a reflection of past thought patterns, behavior patterns, and emotional patterns. If you are dissatisfied with the current state of your life, consider modifying these patterns. When you alter some of your past patterns, you may find that your life has also changed for the better.

This is the key to effecting change. People are reluctant to change unless they can feel a sense of "love." On the premise of feeling love, they will make a new choice and effect change. Therefore, the key is not how to effect change, but whether you can see it, and after seeing it, whether you can admit and accept it.

After identifying these patterns, it is important to express gratitude and recognize that life will naturally improve. Your introversion and relative passivity have served as a protective factor, for instance, by preventing impulsive and irrational decisions.

It is therefore recommended that you adopt the following approach to effecting change: first, identify the patterns in question; second, accept and be grateful for their contribution to your past experience; third, resist the urge to resist, criticise or even blame them; and finally, allow them to feel your love for them, which will encourage them to make new choices and facilitate the change process.

Once you have identified the issue, you must take action. Only by taking action can you create new results. You can start with small things, such as adjusting your schedule, changing your diet, modifying your attire, or altering your daily routine.

Take the initiative to implement change, transition away from your current lifestyle, and allow yourself the time to observe patterns and make informed choices.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

Should you wish to continue the communication, please click on the "Find a coach" link, which can be found in the top right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will communicate and grow with you on a one-to-one basis.