Is the influence of one's original family truly incurable?

Hello!

I've heard that the original family influences us in two ways: "correction" and "healing."

I heard "radical cure," which is more extreme than the previous two words.

The questioner wants to help people hurt by their family.

I'd like to share my thoughts on this question. My view is: Yes!

The pain and pressure of trauma cannot be measured.

It's like Iron Man 2 evolving from Iron Man 1, replacing the original elements with new ones. It's also like the many ways of detoxifying in Jin Yong's martial arts world, where poison is used to counter poison.

After despair, a phoenix rises from the ashes.

Leaving the original family can be painful. When you try too hard, you can hurt yourself.

When you're away from the environment, you can learn about yourself. You can learn to accept things.

What is non-violent non-cooperation? Which parts are you angry about?

The original family is being passed down more often in today's modern world. But there's a chance to be seen, and that's good. Money isn't everything.

Wang Yangming said, "My conscience is clear. I have nothing more to say."

I hope the problems of the original family will go away.

Claws in hand.

Good morning,

It would be fair to say that our family of origin has a significant influence on us, as family is often the most important part of our growing environment.

Before we become independent, our lives will be influenced by our parents' education and family environment, which may shape our behavior and thoughts, personality, way of thinking, values, daily habits, and so on.

Perhaps the most effective way to reconcile with your parents is to take responsibility for your current situation, rather than fantasizing that they are in charge.

Given our understanding of our original family, it would be beneficial for us to consider taking responsibility for our current situation.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider taking responsibility for our own work, wealth, personality, loneliness, pain, dissatisfaction, and messy relationships.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how my family has influenced me and what I can do for myself now.

Perhaps it would be beneficial for us to take responsibility for ourselves as adults and strive to become adults equal to our parents.

We may experience similar challenges, feelings of helplessness, and a sense of insincerity as our parents did. When we reach a point where we no longer rely on them as much,

It would be beneficial for us to recognize that while our parents may not have changed, we have.

It is inevitable that our parents will continue to exert control over us. However, it is important to recognise that we are not the only ones who control them. By learning how to deal with other people's control, we can also learn how to deal with our parents' control.

It is likely that your parents will still find fault with you. However, it is important to recognize that this is not the only source of criticism in your life. When you learn to navigate the nuances of dealing with other people's fault-finding, you may find that your parents' criticism is just one aspect of your daily reality.

Would you perhaps prefer not to hate everyone who controls you, picks on you, rejects you, and takes from you?

Taking responsibility for ourselves entails recognizing the harm done to us by our parents as just one of the many ways we have been hurt in our lives. Learning how to deal with the harm is an important aspect of taking responsibility.

It could be said that the desire to avoid being hurt is something that many of us retain from our early years. It is as if we are still appealing to our mothers, even as adults, to shield us from pain and adversity.

Good day, my name is Phil, and I extend to you a warm embrace.

I am grateful for your inquiry.

The topic of the family of origin is one that is inescapable.

A significant proportion of individuals experience familial dysfunction during their upbringing, which often manifests as similar issues in their own relationships.

As a result of this excessive family intimacy,

A significant proportion of the population experiences this sentiment.

The influence of the family of origin is essentially unchangeable.

However, the issues present within the original family unit often lead to the perception that change is challenging.

There are likely multiple contributing factors to this phenomenon.

Habits that have been formed over an extended period of time are deeply ingrained.

The formation of a habit is not a rapid process, regardless of whether the habit is beneficial or detrimental.

Once a habit has become deeply rooted as a result of long-term influence, it becomes exceedingly challenging to modify.

Consequently, an uncomfortably static state of being in the same pattern after many years will be formed.

Furthermore, an overly intimate relationship with family members can result in mutual influence.

A multitude of factors can exert subtle influence upon an individual before they are fully aware of it.

A considerable number of individuals report a lack of emotional experience, yet over time, they become the person they most dislike.

This is the influence and infectious power of the environment. If one can promptly become aware of it and take the initiative to detect and correct it,

It is therefore possible to extricate oneself from such a state and avoid repeating the same mistakes.

To effect a change.

The necessity for motivation is paramount to effecting change. Without it, it is implausible that one would persevere until reaching a point of no return.

In the absence of sufficient motivation to initiate action, the tension caused by this negative attitude

The tension caused by an attitude is of a greater magnitude than the impact of our actions; thus, we naturally feel that it is optimal to maintain the status quo.

Accordingly, the prerequisite for eliminating the influence in question is sufficient motivation.

It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you, and I extend my best wishes for your continued mental well-being in the post-pandemic era.

My name is Phil, and I extend my best wishes to the world at large.

I believe this individual is a parent. He has read numerous articles and other materials about the influence of the original family on children, with the goal of having a positive influence on his child.

The impact of an individual's original family on their subsequent development is significant, yet not entirely irreversible.

From an objective standpoint, all individuals have a family of origin, and in reality, the majority of these families exhibit some form of dysfunction. It is rare to find a family of origin that is without some issue.

From an objective standpoint, it can be said that everyone carries the "pain of their original family" and has the task of breaking through unconscious limitations. This allows them to realize their own value.

Breaking through the unconscious is also known as awareness and perception. It involves changing unconscious and mechanical responses and making conscious decisions that are in the best interests of the individual and others.

For instance, parents born in the 1950s were shaped by the social environment of their era, including the prevailing scarcity of material resources. This has led to a tendency towards thriftiness.

As a result, they will apply this scarcity mindset to all aspects of their lives. They will exhibit two distinct reactions: they may instill saving habits in their children or they may provide excessive material resources. The former approach may foster resilience in children, while the latter may hinder their financial literacy.

These are the influences of the original family.

When parents are conscious, they are aware that their thoughts and ideas are not infallible. They recognize that there are other perspectives and that their ideas are not the only correct ones.

If parents are able to express their emotions to their children in a controlled manner and set clear boundaries, then their children will be raised in a healthy and positive family environment.

If the child is aware of the limitations of the family and recognizes the ways in which they have been affected, and makes the conscious decision to adopt a new adaptive perspective, it is possible to break free from the influence of the original family.

If you are the family unit, it is essential to be aware and proactive.

If you are a child, it is essential to establish your own identity and detach from the influence of your original family. This requires recognizing your true inner needs and thoughts, and developing your own sense of purpose and direction.

This approach can also be used to modify the influence.

Good morning, Sir.

From what you've shared, it seems like you're looking for guidance on the relationship between children and their original families.

I believe this answer may be very important to you and could offer you some hope.

You inquire as to whether there is a radical cure for the influence of the original family on children. You use the term "radical cure," which I find intriguing. I'm uncertain if you believe that children are adversely affected by the influence of the original family and that a lack of cure could have long-term implications for their lives.

I'm not sure if I've fully understood you or if I've misunderstood you.

The influence of our environment on us can be two-sided, with both positive and negative aspects. It's akin to a philosophical theory: everything has two sides. It's fair to say that there are no perfect families or perfect parents.

It is possible that this family may have caused harm or even trauma in our growth experience. At the same time, it has also passed on certain qualities and distinctive abilities to us.

I believe that each of us has an inherent drive to improve ourselves, just as every wound has the potential to heal. The past can often leave us with scars that make it challenging to adapt well to our current environment, such as at work or within our families. This can give us a strong motivation to change these aspects of our lives.

However, we often find that attempting to make changes can be challenging. Our original family has undoubtedly left a profound impact on each of us.

It could be said that many of the rules and beliefs in our minds originate from our family of origin. Similarly, many of our behaviours may have been formed in order to adapt to our family of origin.

Even if these beliefs and behaviors have made it challenging for us to adapt to our new lives, they still present obstacles that limit our ability to make new adjustments.

We may even unintentionally pass on to our children some of the parts of ourselves that we find challenging. Such difficulties and feelings of powerlessness can sometimes make us feel a little desperate.

So you have left your question here, which may also be a cry from your heart, an expectation of wanting to get rid of this influence. If I may, I would like to offer you a hug first.

It is worth noting that every seed has the potential to grow upward. This implies that the original family can have a significant impact on us and on every child.

However, this does not mean that we are without strength and will always remain trapped in the predicament brought about by our original family. Just like the question you asked, this question itself carries an energy that breaks through the ground!

I hope the above response has been helpful. If circumstances allow in the future, I would be grateful for the opportunity to explore with you how we might change the influence of our family of origin, which may not have been as supportive as we would have liked.

Hello! I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and I'm sending you a 360-degree hug.

Recently, there's been a lot of talk about the original family, and many people are re-examining their original families. Some even say that their original families have hurt them and haven't helped them.

I think this interpretation of the original family is a bit much. Of course, the original family plays a big part in our growth process, especially when we're young. Our parents' parenting style directly affects how our personalities develop.

Freud even thought that our personalities are set before we're six years old, and everything after that is just repeating what's already there.

Needless to say, this deterministic view has been proven wrong by biology, psychology, and neuroscience, among other fields.

In short, the influence of the family of origin is significant, but it's not so decisive as to determine a person's entire life.

A psychology student once told me a story about two brothers whose father was short-tempered, drank heavily, and beat and scolded them and their wives.

When the two brothers grew up, one ended up being just like his father—an alcoholic and a hothead. The other became a successful lawyer or something, treated his wife well, and had a harmonious family.

The brothers' answers were basically the same: what could I do with such a father?

The one who was like his father felt that with such a terrible father and terrible family of origin, he had no choice but to be like his father.

Another person who has managed to break free from the influence of their family of origin believes that there is nothing they can do about having such a terrible father and that they must rely on themselves.

There are similar cases in our lives. People who live in the same environment or even brothers can have very different outcomes. For example, the two brothers in the TV series "All Is Well" were equally loved by their mother. The eldest one has made a success of himself in the United States, while the younger one relies on his parents.

The example isn't really relevant because Su's mother had different expectations for the two of them. It was pretty clear that the two older brothers took up more resources than their younger sister.

The original family is just a reflection of the past, not the future. We can even retell the story of our original family.

For instance, when I was younger, my parents didn't really care about me, which has shaped my independent and self-reliant personality.

For instance, my parents were biased, which made me determined to succeed, and I've now become very strong.

It's important to remember that stories can be told in different ways. The childhood stories we tell are just one version of the story, and all stories are subjective. There's no such thing as an objective story.

We can try to break down and rebuild our own stories. Check out "Narrative Therapy: Deconstructing and Rewriting the Story of Life."

If you want to break free from the influence of your family of origin, you have to be willing to change. If you don't want to change on your own, you'll need help.

As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

You can also chat with a counselor for more tailored advice.

I'm a counselor who tends to be a bit pessimistic at times, but I also have a positive outlook. I love what I do, and I love the world.

Hello. I can relate to the confusion you're feeling. I had a similar experience two years ago, but my perspective on the influence of my original family might be different from yours. I resented the impact my original family had on me. I wondered why they brought me all this and why I should suffer the negative influence they brought me.

After getting psychological counseling and exploring my own thoughts and feelings, I realized that I could still face the negative influence my original family had on me and feel more comfortable being myself.

If we're looking to identify the root of the problem, I don't think we can do it. When we talk about these influences in detail, we find that the parents' generation also had certain traumas and deficiencies in their own families to varying degrees. It may be that the social environment at the time didn't allow parents to develop their own multifaceted emotions. If we follow this line of thinking, if we want to get to the root of the problem, we may need to trace it back to the social environment at the time, and this is something we can't change.

I still think it's possible to minimize this influence or transform it into a resource, depending on how strong the influence is. You can make the necessary adjustments to yourself.

I'd like to give you an example from my own life. Before I started counseling, I was trying really hard to prove that I was capable and that I could bring my mother glory. But the results of my efforts didn't turn out as I had hoped. I was trying to make my family happy, but I was exhausted and didn't get the praise I wanted. I messed up my life and my state of mind, and at one point I even wanted to commit suicide. But I always felt that if I just left, I would be a bit reluctant, as if I had come this far and hadn't really lived for myself once. I always felt a bit of regret. So I sought counseling to find answers. Fortunately, during the time I was doing counseling, a lot of things happened in my life that allowed me to release some of the strength I had gained from counseling with the counselor to cope with life and work hard. I felt that my ideas and actions were not just empty talk, but were real and could be done, and that I could also change my own ideas in this way, thereby strengthening my own strength.

So, how do we turn this influence into a resource? I have a few methods here, which I also summed up during that period of time and have been doing them ever since.

1. If you feel affected and have emotions, remember to let them out. Once you've done that, take a look at what your original family has brought to you, and then write it down on paper without emotion or criticism.

2. Find the distance between yourself and your family of origin through emotional events in your life. We've all grown up in different ways, but sometimes we're blinded by certain influences. At this time, it's important to see clearly which part of ourselves has been affected and which part of ourselves we recognize. We need to see ourselves as a whole, and only a part of ourselves is affected.

With this understanding of ourselves as a foundation, we can recognize the differences between our original family and ourselves.

3. Get away from your family of origin and focus on developing yourself. This could mean living separately or simply trying not to let your parents influence you too much when making decisions.

Take responsibility for your own healthy development. Find something you really love and put in the work. You'll be surprised at what you can still achieve.

That's all I have to say on the matter. I hope the person who asked the question can find the strength to deal with the influence of their original family, so that they can become more complete.

Good day, question asker.

I am Intern Meow, a listener at Yixin.

The issue of familial dysfunction appears to be a significant source of distress for many young people in the present era. A considerable number of individuals express feelings of resentment towards their family of origin, perceiving it as a source of unhappiness or as a factor that has had a lasting impact on their lives. Some individuals attribute their current unhappiness to the lack of financial responsibility demonstrated by their parents during their formative years.

It is often asserted that family education is of paramount importance and that the damage caused to a child by their original family cannot be undone in a lifetime.

Nevertheless, a psychologist posits that in the process of shaping one's personality and destiny, one can consciously exert one's own initiative and directly grasp one's own destiny, rather than passively allowing destiny to determine the outcome.

The aforementioned psychologist was Adler. He did not originate from a privileged family, was afflicted with illness, and was not the most beloved member of his family. He dedicated his entire life to demonstrating that destiny is within one's own control.

In his book, Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence, he posits that it is not the objective reality of a situation that affects our psychology and behavior, but rather our subjective interpretation of that reality.

In his book, The Courage to Be Disliked, he posits that the key to a happy life is to live in the present.

Additionally, there are numerous individuals in our vicinity who lead enviable lives despite the shortcomings of their familial origins. They do not perceive their family of origin as the root cause of their difficulties but rather as the catalyst for their determination to improve themselves.

There are two brothers in my immediate circle. The elder brother attributes his lack of entrepreneurial success to the shortcomings of his parents, and as a result, he is inclined to take risks and pursue a different path in life. In contrast, the younger brother has chosen to pursue a more conventional route, working hard to create a better future for himself despite the lack of financial privilege in his upbringing.

The family of origin is often identified as a source of distress, yet the potential for its amelioration hinges on one's disposition toward the issue and the lifestyle one elects to pursue in response.

Hello, landlord. Thanks for thinking about the topic of the original family.

It's understandable that the original family is being held responsible for the child's development issues.

To get to the heart of the matter, it's important to understand that

The original family isn't the reason we take on responsibility or shirk it.

Using this as a reference, we can also choose and change.

Otherwise, it's basically the same as fatalism.

I suggest that the host take a look at this. There is a book by Erikson in psychology called "Life History of Human Development."

He said that a person's life can be seen as a series of eight stages, similar to the levels in a video game.

The first stage is from infancy to around the age of one. This is when a good sense of trust and security can be developed through the relationship with the caregiver.

Once they reach about two years old, they can start to develop self-control and willpower with a little help from their caregiver. This is also when they start to gain more independence.

If this stage is subject to excessive harsh scolding and interference, it will destroy the child's sense of autonomy and self-control, and cause self-doubt and a sense of shame.

The third stage is early childhood, around age five. If the external environment allows, children will start to develop initiative and a sense of purpose at this stage.

The fourth stage is primary school, from ages 7 to 11. This is when kids officially start school. They build on what they learned earlier and develop competitiveness, discover their strengths, gain joy, diligence, and a sense of pride. On the other hand, if a child's self-esteem is hurt by comments from society, school, or teachers, they'll become self-doubting and ask themselves, "Am I capable?"

The fifth stage is adolescence, which is about the age of 12-20. This is when we start to think about who we are and what we want. It's also the "rebellious period" that many children go through. In fact, this rebellious period is an important experience that helps us to grow and change.

In this stage, we'll gain a better understanding of ourselves and develop a stronger sense of identity. We'll know who we are and what kind of person we want to be. On the other hand, it can lead to role confusion.

The sixth stage is the early adult stage. Once you've formed a sense of self-identity, you'll start to think about relationships and love, especially how to handle intimacy and loneliness. On the other hand, you might feel really lonely and find it tough to deal with intimacy and other issues.

In the seventh stage, we enter middle age. This is when we start to care for future generations and give back to society. It's the result of the previous stages, and it helps us understand the endless cycle of life.

The eighth stage is the twilight years. This is when we work on improving our character. If we've had smooth and successful previous stages, we can face old age with equanimity, like a wise old man.

On the other hand, it's easy to get caught up in negative thinking.

Each level corresponds to a specific age stage. If a child at this age can pass this level, they will be able to achieve corresponding personal growth.

On the other hand, it can have some negative effects on children that will affect their lives as adults.

I've put together a quick summary of my notes here. If you're interested, you can search the Internet for more information.

Erikson still believes that if you fail a level when you're a child, you can retake it as an adult.

So, according to his model, the impact of the original family is basically just not passing a certain level as a child. But we can always retake it as we grow up! As long as we're still open to change, learning, trying new things, and practicing.

The impact of your original family can be undone.

We don't come into this world perfect, but we do have the ability to choose and change.

I hope the original poster finds peace and freedom from worry.