Is the psychological state during working hours completely different from being alone at home?

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I can see that you're going through a tough time. Let's talk through it together, OK?

You said you graduated more than half a year ago and are now working in the financial industry. It's great that you're already making connections, developing your interpersonal skills, and building up your professional knowledge! It's also fantastic that you're studying market trends. You're always so positive and full of energy. I understand that you've just entered this industry and society, so everything is new to you. You've already been here for half a year, so you've probably felt less anxious about being in an unfamiliar environment than you did when you first started.

It's totally normal to think you enjoy the environment because there may be such a great atmosphere around you. When you first enter the company, this atmosphere can really make you feel very fulfilled. But is this fulfillment from the heart, or is it driven by the surrounding environment? You can really analyze it yourself.

It's totally normal to feel this way! When you get home, you might start to feel a bit down, lost, inferior, guilty, angry, lonely, and like life is meaningless. You might feel tired of managing relationships, tired of studying, and tired of speculation, which can feel meaningless. I understand: the original poster is thinking and growing. Just as I asked you earlier, "Is this fulfillment something that comes from the heart, or is it driven by your surroundings?"

It's totally normal to feel skeptical about the fulfillment you experience every day. We all know that managing interpersonal relationships and studying speculative things can be really tiring. It's likely that even the host himself rejects these things inwardly. So when he returns home, the surrounding atmosphere is no longer there, and the host will have his own inner thoughts, reminding himself, "Is it really fulfilling? Is this fulfillment really what I want inwardly?"

We all want a good life, a happy life, and we need enough money to meet our basic needs and to achieve the life we want. But life is full of contradictions, where what you do is not what you want, and what you want is not always attainable. I hope you find these suggestions useful, original poster!

1. First, regarding work, everyone hopes to have a job that they love. But often, a hobby can become work, and then there's no longer a sense of hobby. So treat work as a tool for making a living. We all need a living and money, so we need to work. Have a good attitude and a serious attitude towards work.

It's okay if you don't love your work — we all have different preferences! Just remember to treat your work with a normal attitude and treat your work professionally. Take a moment to think about the scope of your job responsibilities. Do you have the ability to do it? If not, don't worry! You can always improve your abilities. If you have the ability, do a good job, meet the requirements of the job, and get a salary that matches it.

2. If the company has a very energetic atmosphere and a lot of slogans, or if you're expected to love your job and be dedicated to it, and you're trained every day, then it's important to be careful about what the company's culture is really like. Many financial industries are bubbles, and I don't mean to offend anyone, I just want to remind you of that. I feel like I should remind you because I can see you're a little confused, but I might be wrong.

3. Work is only a part of life, and so are learning and entertainment. It's okay to adjust. Once you get off work, don't think about work anymore. You can go work out, go for a run, watch a movie, take a class, read a book, or hang out with your friends. There are so many things that are different from work. Try them all! Once you withdraw from work and replace it with other things, you will find that the fulfillment at that time is the real fulfillment. If you have already exhausted your energy at work and are so tired that you are confused about so-called fulfillment when you get home, then the energy you spend on work must be more than you can bear. You're not alone!

Just remember to take a break sometimes! Work is work, and off-work is off-work. It's important to have a clear sense of boundaries. You'll find that life is enjoyable rather than burdensome. Best of luck!

Hello, I can feel your passion at work. You get a sense of achievement and self-satisfaction from your work.

I also feel listless, lost, and decadent when I get home. I can no longer feel motivated at home.

When I go back to work, I feel like I've got a new lease on life.

Let's hug. Let's talk.

Let's look at internal conflict.

1. Internal friction:

Internal conflict is when two parts of your mind fight. It happens when what you think you should be doing doesn't match what's actually happening.

"I want to be as enthusiastic at home as I am at work," but I can't find the motivation.

It seems like there are two selves fighting inside you, like a leaky faucet.

Everyone has limited time and energy. How can we use it better?

Some people work with great energy, while others are listless. It's not the work itself, but a pattern of internal depletion.

To be happy, look at what you're hiding, choose something easy to see, admit your flaws, and stop letting lies drain your energy.

Look at what you are proving and admit it's what you lack.

Hiding things makes you unsure of your value.

Self-worth is how you see yourself. If you don't know your worth, you're easily influenced by others and worried about proving yourself.

To stop internal conflict, cultivate yourself, shift your focus from the outside to the inside, and become aware of your patterns.

?2. What is happiness related to?

?2. What is happiness related to?

Research shows that we usually have two reasons for doing things: to be happy and to avoid pain.

Avoiding pain is stronger than seeking pleasure. Many people are driven by fear, not wanting to live a painful life. We fear being bullied and run away.

This method is not sustainable long-term.

You can pursue happiness in two ways: outwardly or inwardly.

When a person gains external material things, they will feel happy. These things also make them feel happy because they gain recognition, affirmation, praise, acceptance, and love from others. These are the source of a person's motivation.

But these external sources are often out of our control. Seeking them is like giving others the remote control to our lives. We become controlled by others.

Happiness has to do with your inner motivation. It is about finding your purpose and value.

Happiness has to do with your inner motivation. It is about finding your purpose and value from within.

When you focus on your inner growth, you take the lead.

There are many ways to cultivate the mind. Today, I'll share one simple way: create value for others and feel a sense of purpose.

I hope this helps you. I love you and the world.

Click "Find a coach" to continue communicating and grow with me one-on-one.

Dear questioner, My name is Yiyashu, and I am pleased to offer my assistance.

After reading your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of confusion and a lack of agency. In the workplace, you exhibit a high level of energy and optimism about the future. You are driven by a strong motivational force, which also manifests as passion.

Upon returning to one's residence at night and finding oneself alone, the positive sentiments accumulated during the day tend to dissipate, giving way to the emergence of negative emotions such as loneliness, inferiority, and isolation.

Indeed, it is not uncommon for these two emotions to co-occur in the same individual. This is due to the fact that an individual's needs during the day and at night are distinct.

During the day, individuals tend to exhibit greater rationality, higher energy levels, and a greater proclivity towards creative pursuits. Conversely, at night, individuals tend to display heightened emotionality, a proclivity towards feelings of loneliness and hurt, and a greater need for companionship and other forms of social interaction.

Given that these two emotions are themselves two distinct parts of the human heart, it follows that they are triggered by different environmental conditions in the external world, which in turn evoke these emotional responses.

During the daytime, the individual is typically situated within the confines of their place of employment. It is therefore reasonable to posit that the work environment exerts a considerable influence over the individual's motivation and creativity.

At night, individuals transition from their daytime activities to the domestic sphere. During this period, the fervor and optimism that characterize the daytime dissipate, precipitating feelings of solitude and despondency. These sentiments are intensified when individuals lack a partner who can provide the warmth and companionship that they desire.

Consequently, when night falls, one experiences feelings of loneliness and a sense of being adrift, which can be attributed to the fact that certain intimate needs have not been fulfilled.

Furthermore, during the workday, one encounters a multitude of frustrations that are not addressed due to time constraints. Consequently, when one is alone at night, these accumulated negative emotions intensify.

It is therefore recommended that the questioner seeks support from intimate relationships in addition to work. In the absence of such a relationship, it is advised that the questioner seeks out counseling services and psychological counseling to assist in facing and dealing with negative emotions that are not seen by others and themselves.

Ultimately, the objective is to enhance the quality of life and foster a greater sense of well-being. Having the financial resources to invest in one's own happiness and the companionship of a partner are two key factors that contribute to a fulfilling existence.

Hello!

Your work and home mindsets are different. Why? Let's talk.

The environment affects us.

The work environment should be competitive. Seeing colleagues busy talking about business will affect our emotions. We will feel inspired and driven. There are successful examples around us, such as colleagues who have been promoted or department heads who have achieved minor success.

If we work hard, we will succeed.

Role models give us hope and make us feel our goals are achievable.

When you get home, it's time to relax. But then you think about work.

When we try to sell products to customers, we may encounter obstacles. This makes us feel like what we learned in books is useless or ineffective. We feel lost, inferior, guilty, angry, and lonely.

Self-defense state

Our brains are lazy and try to protect us from negative emotions by making us watch videos and do nothing to improve ourselves.

Our brains are stressed at work, so we need to rest at home. But if we just rest, we will feel that life is meaningless.

How can you stop this cycle of motivation, inaction, and motivation? Here are some suggestions:

(1) Break down goals.

Break down career-related learning into goals (do this at home) and read for one to two hours every day. This way, we can watch short videos and do things we like, without affecting the "meaningful" things we need to do.

Seeing our achievements every day helps us gain confidence.

(2) Save time.

The questioner has worked for nearly half a year, which is a short time. Achievements are for the prepared.

We need to gain work experience and combine theory with practice to achieve results. This takes time. Set a 5-year plan and then a half-year or one-year plan, and be specific about what to do every day.

(3) Be more satisfied with yourself.

How satisfied you are with yourself depends on how likely you think you are to succeed and what you expect from yourself. If you can make yourself more likely to succeed and lower your expectations, you will feel better. You can do this by setting goals and breaking them down into tasks.

If we don't achieve our goals, we should still see the positive side and move on.

(4) Comfort and encouragement

If you feel like you have no future, tell yourself that everyone who has worked longer is still working hard, so you should keep working hard too.

(5) Self-acceptance

When we feel we've done our best, we must accept our situation, whether our wishes have been fulfilled or not. Many focus on what they lack, not what they have. We must focus on what we have and live in the moment to enjoy a happy life.

(6) Learn to control your emotions.

When we feel bad, we should go for a walk or watch a movie.

These suggestions are just a reference.

I hope they help. Best regards!

Hello, host! It seems like you have an internal conflict. Why do you act differently at home? Maybe the emotions you feel are the answer.

Let's look inside to see what's really going on.

Seeing the real you.

When you return home, what is revealed when you take off all the masks? Loss, inferiority, guilt, anger, loneliness, and depression. What we need to do is allow emotions to happen and accept them.

What do you see in the description? Internal conflicts, contradictions, and self-denying perceptions. Look at the real you through a few descriptions.

For example, you might watch videos instead of studying to escape your emotions. You might think this is a waste of time. You are expressing that you feel you should relax and have fun.

Take some time to relax after a hard day's work.

(2) You feel tired of managing relationships and researching. It's all just speculation. This is different from how you feel at work. At work, you feel it's "interesting," but inside, you feel it's meaningless. You express, "I have internal conflicts, and I choose to escape, allowing these two voices to interweave in my body.

Such conflicts drain your energy and trigger emotions like powerlessness. You're working hard, but feel like you're doing it wrong. How can you feel accomplished?

(3) Another example is "I just want to make enough money to support myself. You believe that you can make a difference, that just making enough money is not enough, that you need to do more. You are expressing, "I don't accept myself as I am.

It's all about perception. Some people just live a simple life, and that's okay.

So, as we can see, there are some problems because of how we see things.

Many internal conflicts can cause depression, loss of self-esteem, etc. Accepting your ordinariness and current situation may help.

Avoid external projection.

The external environment also affects you.

You may think you should be someone else because you project external voices and demands onto your inner self. However, these are not your thoughts. They are projections of your external environment.

(1) Location: Shenzhen. This location reflects competition, pressure, professionalism, and more. In a fast-paced city, everyone is racing against the clock to improve, work hard, and make money. These voices tell you to be more professional, more competitive, more successful, and work harder.

This is just the environment, and you don't have to be like that. Everyone can have their own lifestyle.

(2) Position: Business position in the financial industry. I worked in finance for seven years before doing psychology counseling.

I understand what you mean when you talk about managing contacts, dealing with people, researching the market, and becoming more professional. Everyone around you is sharing how they have achieved success through these means. It's a goal that everyone aspires to: white-collar work, high salaries, a high-level lifestyle, and a different kind of life.

Leaders want employees to be positive, hardworking, sunny, and upward-looking. They also want them to find customers to improve the industry. What do you think of this job?

Do you like sales, marketing, and communication? Or just the end result?

You can't succeed if you like the result but not the process. You can only succeed if you like the process and don't care about the result.

You're putting too much pressure on yourself. There are a lot of emotions you're not seeing. Start by doing what you want to do. Then, adjust your state before evaluating how to do your work. Good work can only be done in a good state. You might be working too hard.

It's tough working hard in Shenzhen. You're already amazing. Take care of yourself! We're here for you!

It's totally normal for people to feel more prone to depression or nostalgia when there's some peace or night is approaching. It's also common to think about pessimistic things at this time. This is because the emotional center of the brain is very active during the night.

Our emotional center responds in so many different ways, and it's totally normal to feel a whole range of emotions! It's like we have two different personalities: one during the day when we're at work, and another at night when we're home alone. Our limbic system takes over during the day, and we're not as in control of our thoughts.

It's totally normal to feel a bit down when you're home alone. We've all been there! Compared to now, you're still young and have so much ahead of you. There's so much to learn and your own profession to improve, so that you can continue to improve your future value.

Even at night, you can still be yourself. It's okay if you're a little pessimistic. You can still see why you feel lost and inferior. There are still many things you haven't resolved, and that's okay. You can't do it all at once.

We all need to relax and unwind sometimes. We can't keep charging ahead like robots, right? Robots need to recharge and update their equipment too. It's good to improve your abilities and keep your emotions stable. I suggest meditation training.

ZQ?

Hello! I read your post and I just wanted to share my thoughts with you.

From what you've told me, it seems like you have very different moods during the day and at night. During the day, you're full of passion and energy, but at night, you seem to feel depressed and dispirited. It's a bit of a contradiction, isn't it? I also live in Shenzhen, and I know that many young people here are busy during the day and have a more active nightlife. Let's take a closer look at the situation from your perspective:

1. Hi there! I just wanted to quickly ask you a few questions about yourself. I see that you're 25 years old, based in Shenzhen, and have been working in the financial industry for about half a year. I'm guessing you probably studied really hard at a top university and have at least a master's degree? The competition for jobs in the financial industry in Shenzhen is really tough, so I'm just checking a few things to make sure I have all the right info!

So, you should still feel really good about this job!

The business world can be pretty intense! It's not just about having good professional skills, but also great communication abilities and the ability to navigate all the different relationships you'll encounter. When you're in the thick of it, it can feel like your daytime life is rich and colorful because you're in such a big environment. It's not unusual to feel like you're still learning and adapting to a new environment not long after graduation. It's understandable if you haven't had a chance to relax and unwind yet!

2. I totally get it. After returning home, the whole person starts to feel down. I think there are probably several reasons for this:

You're really tired from work during the day, and you really need to relax. If you feel this way, then just relax. It's totally okay to occasionally watch videos, and you don't have to be so hard on yourself, always learning and improving.

I can see that you're feeling a bit lost, inferior, guilty, angry, and lonely. These are all very normal feelings to have! I think your ambivalent feelings may come more from the fact that your over-demanding superego prevents you from relaxing.

I can see that you describe feeling lost, inferior, guilty, angry, and lonely. These are all very good feelings to be aware of. Perhaps the contrast between day and night life has intensified this feeling for you.

Maybe what you need right now is a little support from those around you. You could start a new relationship, set some goals and values together, or go out and make some new friends. This will help you to make the most of your free time.

You may also need to give your life a short-term plan, whether it is a career, a hobby, or making friends. Find something in life that you think is valuable and meaningful. These things can really help you find some direction in the dark.

It's so common for people in modern Shenzhen to feel lonely and struggle. These feelings don't have any fixed meaning, but they're part of everyday life. So, just be yourself and try to stay positive!

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I have to say that I envy you! At just 25, in a top-tier city, and having found a job where you can use your talents, you are truly a "successful young person"!

I think you may have only just started working recently. The financial industry is fast-paced, challenging and high-pressure. Only the elite enter this industry, and you are one of them!

Over the past six months, you've probably also experienced some of the typical characteristics of this industry.

From what you've said, I get the impression that every time you walk into the office and sit down at your desk, you feel excited about your work in the financial industry. You're in a business role, so you need to manage your connections, work on your people skills, build up your professional knowledge, and keep up with market trends. These things make you feel driven and like you can achieve your goals through your work. You're full of energy and positivity.

In my mind, I see you at work as positive, upward, sunny, and enterprising. You're also tense and always ready to face challenges.

When I get home, I'm a totally different person than when I'm at work. I feel really tired, and I slowly become depressed. I start to feel a loss of identity, inferiority, guilt, anger, and loneliness. When I sit at my desk, I try to escape these emotions by watching short videos on the internet, rather than doing anything to improve myself. Once I have some free time, I feel that life is meaningless. I feel tired of managing relationships with others, and I'm tired of studying. It's all just speculation, and it's meaningless. I've become disgusted with everything. I just want to muddle through, just make enough money to support myself, and just get by without doing anything meaningful. I really have no motivation or passion for making money.

The picture in front of my eyes is that of a very tired young person, after returning home to relax, chasing after dramas, brushing short videos, playing games, etc., looking for ways to relax themselves. How normal is this? Based on your description, it seems that you don't allow yourself to relax, you are too demanding on yourself, and you want to bring yourself back to the high point of the day, thinking that is the self you want.

You often blame yourself when you relax because you feel guilty and sad. Maybe your tiredness comes from this self-depletion and self-blame.

Let's look at it from a different angle. Could your current behavior be a result of constantly being under pressure? When you go home and relax, your body is telling you it's time to unwind.

It's not a bad thing that you're having these reactions! It just means that you need to calm down and listen to your body. You'll be able to live and work better after a good rest. "Combining work and rest" is a cliché, but at this point your body is reminding you that it's time to adjust your frequency for yourself!

If you're not into "binge-watching dramas, watching videos, and playing games," you can try activities like "fitness, yoga, and meditation" to balance out the endorphins in your body and help you relax. Many top executives meditate to help them unwind.

Or you could talk to someone. Depending on your situation, you could speak to a senior colleague or a friend at work about how they deal with stress. You could also speak to a psychologist or a counselor about your stress and worries, who will help you get through this difficult time from a professional perspective. If you want to discuss this in more depth, you could find out what is preventing you from relaxing.

You're 25 and just starting out in the workforce. There are plenty of great chapters of life ahead of you. Life isn't just about work — it's also about poetry and distance! Get your rhythm and enjoy the fun in your work and life!

Remember to relax so you can work better and enjoy life better! RELAX!

I wish you all the best for the future!

Hello questioner, thank you for your question.

Your question made it clear that you are experiencing negative emotions, including loss, anger, and loneliness.

1. I'd like to know more about the vitality you feel in the office.

I am 25, graduated more than half a year ago, and based in Shenzhen.

When I walk into the office and sit at my desk, I know this industry is interesting. My position is in business in the financial industry, and I am confident in my ability to manage my connections, hone my interpersonal skills, accumulate my own professional knowledge, study market trends, and so on. At my desk, these thoughts and the future make me feel "interesting" and "want to do it," and I feel "driven" and "able to achieve the life I want through this work." In short, I am in a positive and energetic state.

You are a dynamic, energetic, and extremely positive person in the workplace. This job can nourish you.

Then continue to do the work that nourishes you. It's clear from the phrase "in short, a positive and energetic state" that you are very happy with this side of you.

This state of mind is in line with the positive, energetic, and positive attitude required by social standards. However, there is an issue that needs attention, which you also mentioned later.

2. Regarding the contrast when you get home.

The contrast between you and the workplace after you return home is stark. You become down, lost, inferior, guilty, angry, and lonely. These emotions slowly grow. When I sit at my desk, I brush up on short videos to escape these emotions, and I don't do anything to improve myself. Once I'm free, I feel that life is meaningless, that managing relationships is tiring, and that research is tiring and pointless. I start to feel disgust for everything.

You can perceive many of your emotional experiences. However, the emotions you described in the question, such as "loss, inferiority, guilt, anger, and loneliness," are relatively superficial and do not touch your core emotions.

Your sense of meaninglessness is rooted in the feelings and experiences of your core emotions. It's also crucial to recognize that life itself is meaningless.

We humans can give meaning to our lives. The question is, do you want to give your life meaning?

When we lack clarity on this matter, it's simple: negative emotions in the brain drive negative beliefs.

The idea of just wanting to muddle through is a cop-out.

It's okay to just hang out. It's also okay to work hard to earn money.

You must accept this idea of just muddling through. Otherwise, you will inevitably face a psychological conflict with the more accepting and positive you who is usually more accepting.

You said you just want to "muddle through, earn enough to support yourself, and be content with that."

The reality is that most of us are just muddling along if we make a lot of money.

The answer is a resounding "no."

Everyone has a different definition of success. The questioner's definition may be to make a lot of money, but there are definitely many other kinds of success besides this. Some people's success is to be able to help more people in need today. Some people's success is to live a fulfilling life today. Some people's success is to live a happy and simple life today.

Let me be clear: what you may consider a waste of time and a failure may be considered a success and happiness by others. The war between Ukraine and Russia has made some ordinary people realize that they can no longer live the same kind of life as before—a life of idleness.

They face the brutal reality of war, the anguish of losing loved ones, and the fear of death.

So, going back to the beginning, we can see that the questioner you have some thoughts that need to be integrated and accepted. You must accept the real you. Instead of forcing yourself to stay in a very positive state, even if you go home, you can't let down.

The most important thing to do is to recognize your core emotions and then face your pain head-on. Emotions are just feelings, and they don't hurt you.

You have to reach your core emotions to truly understand them. And you have to be bold about it.

They will naturally leave after being understood.

I am confident that the above answers will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

Hello!

This is the case for many people, and it's a wonderful thing!

The great thing about work is that you get to form bonds with people who have a common goal. When you have a goal, you can quickly devote yourself to it, participate in the work, and move towards the goal, and constantly feel a sense of fulfillment and belonging.

As for returning home, get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions! Loss, inferiority, guilt, anger, loneliness – these feelings might just be waiting to make an appearance. And it could all be related to the parenting style you experienced in your early days.

The relationship with the nurturer when you were a child will be internalized as your own inner parent and inner child when you grow up—and it's a wonderful thing!

If the child's caregiver encourages them to excel academically from an early age and they go on to achieve success in their studies and gain the affirmation and recognition of others, they will be driven to devote their energy to hard work and striving.

And that's why you can be happy in the workplace!

It's important to remember that children are partially affirmed by their caregivers. However, if they resist, avoid, or even detest the caregiver's parenting style, it's crucial to recognize that these emotions are things they cannot be aware of or express. They can easily become destructive forces in the subconscious mind, consuming life energy.

This is probably why, when they return home, so many negative emotions arise during the process of getting along with oneself.

In other words, there's an opportunity for growth in one's relationship with oneself. The inner child's resistance to the inner parent is likely to manifest itself in emotions such as guilt, anger, and inferiority. In a sense, it is because we are on a journey of integration between the inner parent and the inner child that they resist each other, unable to mingle, displaying a mutually antagonistic force that leaves people at a loss as to what to do, and so they become listless.

Then you'll feel lost and lonely. But don't worry! There's a solution.

We can observe which voice is dominant in this conflict. And it's so important to remember that even the arrogant and strong voice is also our strength! We can use it for ourselves.

Interpersonal relationships are tiring, but there is always a way out! You can choose to live your own life and not let others' wishes get in the way of your happiness. This is an unavoidable problem in our culture, but you can be the one to change it!

The good news is that it doesn't have to be that complicated. As long as you work hard to make money and manage your own business with joy and freedom, you'll find that the waves of life will wash away some people who want to express themselves on your turf, and the right people will be drawn to you. This is far happier than spending time on management!