Is the reason for being single for too long due to a strong defense mechanism against the opposite sex?

Hi there!

When is it easier to fall in love?

There's actually a questionnaire that compares "school days" with "the workplace environment." This is because when the psychological distance between people is reduced, as is the physical distance, people are more likely to fall in love. So, when people who have become isolated from others try to find a suitable partner, they always feel that "they can't meet the right person" because they can't feel the other person due to the spatial distance, and they don't have the emotional reason to "fall in love."

Picture this: someone who's buried under work every day and has a pretty closed-off living space. How can they possibly find time to meet the opposite sex?

Of course, a small social circle is also a reason why you cannot establish a relationship. To find the right person, you need more channels of information. At this time, "introductions by friends," "attending parties," and "meeting through the internet" are all ways to broaden your social circle.

So, what kind of person is more attractive in a romantic relationship?

This is a cycle of being in a relationship. It starts with the initial impressions you get, like appearance and temperament. Then you start to think about what you really need, like income and family background. And finally, you start to think about whether you're compatible. People in love are affected by psychological and external factors.

From this, it becomes clear that love isn't something you can just generate whenever and wherever you want. It requires the right emotions and the right timing. If you're struggling to find a suitable partner in your current social circle, there are ways you can gradually expand your social reach. Given the current male-to-female ratio, there's no need to worry. In a relationship, it's important to be open and communicate to build a strong bond.

1. Treat different social circles objectively and select suitable partners from them. When it comes to online dating, people who come on strong right away and can't control the pace can be eliminated. After all, dating is also based on the premise of taking relationships seriously. If the other person's behavior doesn't match your inner choice, you can observe them further to see if their character is genuine or if it is due to nervousness. Learn to maintain a normal state of mind and keep your attitude levelheaded in order to better discern a relationship.

2. Take a good look at yourself and let go of any unnecessary defenses. If you often feel insecure, even in an intimate relationship, you'll still be worried and anxious. This isn't because of the relationship, but because you're insecure. You feel scared and uneasy, and you feel insecure. So, take a good look at yourself first. People who know how to relax and be in control in a relationship can better express themselves in a relationship.

3. Use the people around you to help you. If you don't like the way people meet online, it's a good idea to ask family or friends to help you. They know you well and you'll feel more comfortable with them. But you still have to make decisions based on facts. It might take a while to get used to it, but you'll get to know each other and things will start to improve. At least we can gain new experiences, right?

Some of my colleagues were in a similar situation before, but they've now also established a stable relationship through introductions from friends and colleagues. They were very scared before, but it's all good now.

Stay strong, and I hope you find happiness.

I am learning to be patient and to listen to my inner self.

First, you may experience a certain level of anxiety, accompanied by the desire to fall in love, get married, and have children. At the same time, you might feel uncertain about how to begin or whether you truly like the other person. You may wish to find someone who is confident in their love and satisfaction with the other person.

It would be wise to wait until you find someone you're sure about before getting too involved. It's also important to recognize that a little doubt is normal and not necessarily a bad thing.

Let's work through this together.

Firstly, it is important to learn to love oneself before seeking a partner. You mention that you have limited contact with the opposite sex, but you had a crush on someone at university, and now you just reject some of the opposite sex. It would be helpful to understand what true love is. It is normal and often happens that some people do not attract us. This shows that we do not feel good about them, so it is important to respect our feelings and stay away from them.

It might be helpful to focus on self-care and self-love. Even if you're facing challenges or feel alone, there are ways to nourish your mind, body, and spirit. Paying attention to your diet, rest, mood, growth, and other aspects can help you feel fulfilled even when you're facing challenges or feel alone. It's possible to be alone and not lonely. Sometimes doing what you enjoy can bring happiness, and you may find yourself seeking companionship. At the same time, if you meet someone who's a good fit for you, you'll feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. It's possible that the right person for you hasn't yet appeared, but you can take steps to become a better version of yourself. Learning to love, including loving yourself and the right person, can be a journey of self-discovery and growth.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to stop self-negation. You may find yourself saying, "Isn't it me?"

You may be feeling a bit defensive and like you need to make some changes, but I don't think that's the case. It seems like you're just waiting for the right person to come along. Are you wondering if there's something you could do differently?

You mentioned that you still have feelings for them at university, which suggests that they still hold some kind of attraction for you. It's understandable that you've met people recently who don't particularly appeal to you. While it's important to love others, it's also crucial to recognise that not everyone is deserving of our full love and attention. For those who are worthy and right for us, we can give them more, and for some people who make us feel unhappy, we can hold back a little. It seems like you're protecting yourself, or perhaps your subconscious is telling you that they're not the right people for you. Your subconscious or your feelings might be telling you that you don't like them. This is a very positive sign.

So, it's not necessarily a problem with you, but rather something to be celebrated. That's why it's so important to love ourselves. Only when we love ourselves can we truly understand what love looks like, what the right person looks like, and what kind of love and relationship is good for us.

3. It may be beneficial to consider that having a few meaningful relationships can be more fulfilling than feeling lonely. It could be a positive experience to love yourself, pursue your interests, allow yourself to grow, and wait for the right person to come along.

I believe it is beneficial to protect yourself, while also allowing yourself to grow and learn to distinguish between good and bad love. It seems that you have taken the negative experiences and rejected the positive ones, which may not be entirely accurate.

I hope that through reading, thinking, and communicating, you can gain a better understanding of the different people in your life. Everyone is unique and has their own qualities and characteristics.

If I might make a suggestion, when you're alone, try to enjoy your time by yourself. I believe that only when you can enjoy being alone can you truly enjoy the sweetness.

Dear Question Asker, I have carefully reviewed your message and understand your confusion and desire for a future intimate relationship. I am here to support you.

There are several stages of development in our growth. A significant portion of time is dedicated to personal and self-development, followed by the formation of relationships with others, such as playmates and friendships.

This period establishes the foundation for future intimate relationships with others. Individuals who are more developed are better able to develop intimate relationships.

The topic of love is typically introduced during adolescence, when individuals may experience innocent feelings for the opposite sex. This stage is often seen as a precursor to entering a stable, long-term intimate relationship in the future.

This topic has evolved over an extended period, extending from university to the present marital relationship.

If you find it challenging to enter into an intimate relationship, it may be that there is an area of personal growth that requires further attention and development.

First, identify your concerns. Be honest with yourself about your expectations and self-perception.

Please consider the following scenario: You are entering an intimate relationship. What are your concerns?

It is also important to consider the strength of your social network. Despite not currently having a romantic partner, I have a robust support system of close friends and colleagues with whom I have a positive and harmonious relationship.

It is possible that she has not yet encountered the ideal candidate, and that she would benefit from broadening her social circle. Attending company events and other activities will enhance her social life and increase her likelihood of meeting a suitable partner. It may not be long before she encounters the person who will become her future spouse.

I hope you will soon be able to achieve a state of personal satisfaction.

Good morning. I'm very happy to answer your question. I'm Heart Exploration Coach Lin Wei.

Perhaps it would be helpful to understand why you suddenly want a relationship.

Lacan posited that our self-awareness is shaped by the input of others. How might we interpret this assertion?

I believe that we often make decisions that we may not truly want to make, but after hearing it from everyone around us, we start to think that it's the right thing to do. For example, I think it's fine not to get married, and I think that some young people will agree with me. This is because some people think that I'm right, but if I had said this decades ago, I would have been criticized.

Similarly, you may be wondering why you want to have a relationship. It's possible that you're noticing that everyone around you is getting married and having children, and you're starting to think about whether you want to find someone.

In the process, you may encounter a challenge. It seems that those who come to blind dates are often eager to confirm a relationship. Could this be because they are in a hurry?

This leads me to wonder: why is student love so nostalgic?

The questioner might consider reflecting on why they were attracted to someone when they were students. At that time, relationships were perhaps less encumbered by impurities because everyone was a student, and economic levels on the surface tended to be more similar. All you had to consider was whether the person was worth liking and whether you needed to give your heart to him.

Upon entering society, one may find that relationships are not as straightforward as they once were. When one is a student, the focus is often solely on the relationship itself. However, after starting a career, it's not uncommon for individuals to have to consider a range of practical matters, such as financial stability, housing, and future plans. This shift in priorities is a natural and understandable aspect of life. Many people tend to prioritize compatibility and suitability over romantic feelings alone.

We believe that, because you are suitable, the relationship will be a good one, which will give the family more answers.

You seem to be a suitable candidate, so perhaps it would be beneficial to stop looking for a while. It's possible that you'll meet someone you're compatible with eventually.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider some other perspectives on this issue.

I can understand why the questioner is feeling this way. After experiencing many failed relationships, it's natural to feel frustrated and doubt your own abilities. However, I believe your views on choosing a partner are perfectly valid. Personally, I tend to dislike frivolous people, as they make me feel disrespected.

I believe your attitude towards those people is correct, and I feel this is a good indication that you are a very principled person.

I believe that if you are particularly willing to start a relationship, then you will definitely be able to find someone. However, in that case, it may contradict what you are insisting on.

Naturally, adults have to consider things from an adult perspective. Perhaps we could revisit the initial question: Why do you want to start a relationship?

Could I ask you to clarify whether it is because you met someone and want a relationship, or whether it is because of the influence of those around you that you want a relationship and go meet someone?

If it's the former, perhaps it would be beneficial to wait a while. It's perfectly okay to be alone. You can take a moment to pause, take a walk around, and when you meet someone you feel okay about, you can gradually let your guard down.

If it's the latter, you might want to consider adjusting your perspective on relationships.

Ultimately, the choice is yours to make.

Hello, host! I'm July.

I understand your question now, so I'll give you a hug in four dimensions.

From your description, I can tell that you currently have a certain understanding and awareness of your own problems. This makes it relatively easier for you to solve them.

You mentioned that you've been single for too long because you're wary of the opposite sex. I agree that this is a factor, but it's not the main reason. Love requires caution, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Your current problem-solving pattern is likely a result of the intimate relationship between your parents in your family of origin. Your childhood relationship was not secure, which has shaped your current approach to intimacy.

As you grow up, you will unconsciously feel more or less aversion and dislike towards people who want to get close to you suddenly, especially those who want to get close to you with a certain purpose. This is because deep down inside, you have a great sense of uncertainty about relationships. It is therefore natural to be over-cautious in this period of care.

Let's be clear: it's not just the opposite sex you're overly cautious of. Sometimes it's the same sex too. If you don't have goodwill towards this person, your defence mechanism will kick in. What will that look like? A kind of aversion.

I'll explain how defense mechanisms work in intimate relationships. Defense mechanisms are ways the self keeps terrible things out of consciousness to reduce or avoid anxiety.

Let me be clear: you are afraid of being hurt in an intimate relationship. This makes you reluctant to enter an immature relationship, in order to better protect yourself from suffering too much.

You can accept these thoughts and feelings, even if they seem overwhelming. Adults have different motives for socializing, and you can stay true to yourself and do what you like.

If you want a long-term relationship, that's fine, but you may need to wait. The right person for you will eventually appear.

The world and I love you.

I wish you the best.

Perhaps it would be best to hug the poster from afar. It seems as though the poster may be a bit cautious when it comes to intimate relationships.

From what the questioner describes, it seems that...

If you don't approach the opposite sex with the idea of falling in love, you may find it easier to avoid any potential psychological pressure. If the idea of falling in love approaches me, I may feel inclined to maintain a certain distance.

The questioner is pondering a question.

Could I perhaps be coming across as too defensive? After work, there won't be such opportunities. Time won't pass. Do I need to change now?

I would like to offer some advice to the questioner.

It seems that the questioner may be experiencing some difficulties in forming trusting relationships, or perhaps it is challenging for someone in their life to connect with them on a romantic level. It's understandable that they might have difficulty understanding what attracts the other person to them romantically. It's not always easy to discern whether it's admiration or something else.

Additionally, they may not be as adept at navigating emotional nuances. This could be due to a lack of experience in romantic relationships. Sometimes, they may be accustomed to a more independent lifestyle, which might make it challenging for them to adapt to the presence of another person.

A lifestyle that is too independent may mean that you can get by without the help of other people.

You have the freedom to choose any lifestyle you like, live according to your own wishes, and don't need to change yourself because of certain concepts. It is important to listen to yourself. While falling in love is a wonderful experience, it is also possible to be happy on your own and then meet someone you like, and it can be a beautiful thing to face life together. Everyone has a different rhythm, and there is no need to do something or accomplish a task at a certain age.

May the questioner find joy in each day!

Hello! I totally get where you're coming from. It seems like you're having some doubts about yourself. I think if doubt is a way of reflecting on things, it's definitely worth paying attention to and actively embracing. But if the underlying message of doubt is to dismiss or change yourself too easily, it's probably best to be careful.

When do we need to change? Well, it's when we realize through trying that we were wrong.

You mentioned that you can get along with the opposite sex just fine, but as soon as you start to fall in love, you feel a bit uncomfortable. You also said that if the other person gets along with you in a way that has already led to a certain outcome, you won't be too happy about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with this. You can communicate with people in a normal way, but you're just not ready to accept a way of getting along that's different from what you've always thought. There's nothing wrong with your way of getting along or your needs when it comes to getting along with others. There's no need to change.

So, does being single for a long time matter? I think it does, but only in the sense that it can make you feel like you'll never find the right person to get involved with. But being single for a long time doesn't mean having to settle for less! No matter how long we remain single, we are still engaging with others, and we cannot become someone else, because there is nothing wrong with that.

If you're completely uninterested and incapable of interacting with the opposite sex, don't worry! That's something that can be adjusted and changed. There's no need to change who you are.

So, what can we do? Don't be afraid of failure! Express yourself boldly, and go for it!

When you meet someone, just let them know that you'd like to get to know them at your own pace and that you'd like to get close to them gradually. If they don't accept that, then that's okay! We all have our own principles, but we can also be open to other people's principles. You should start a relationship when you're both comfortable, and don't be afraid of failure or of your principles being disliked. Just love in your own name!

I truly believe that loving yourself is the key to loving what I love. I wish you all the best!

Hello!

I feel lucky to have read your story. You had a heart-stopping experience in college, but not after you started working. When you entered society, everyone was busy getting married and confirming relationships. You rejected it, so you kept your distance from the opposite sex. But if they didn't have a romantic mindset, you felt less pressure and were more relaxed.

Your mindset depends on your inner experience. Are you open to change? Are you willing?

Are you happy?

As the ancients said, men and women must get to know each other, understand each other, fall in love, and love each other. Only by getting to know each other can such a relationship last. As you said, in college, everyone spent every waking moment together, getting to know each other, and gradually accepting each other.

But nowadays, everyone is in a hurry and wants things to happen fast.

No matter how society changes, we should focus on ourselves, think more about our feelings and thoughts, and be ourselves. There will always be someone for you. As the saying goes, if you live as brightly as the sun, you will always attract people who like the sun.

What do you think?

I hope this helps. We're all different, and so are you. Keep it up.

Many single girls nowadays face problems. They've reached an age where their friends are getting married and having children. The topics of conversation among friends change. There are fewer and fewer people to go shopping with. Their parents may have begun to show some changes in speech or behavior. As we get older, we may feel panicked inside. We really want to find a partner, but we never quite meet one who is a good match. Then we start to blame ourselves.

I feel differently. The information available today makes it difficult for people to slow down. Many things are done on a schedule, and even love is the same. People feel that a relationship should be confirmed after just one meeting.

Many people get married and have children in just one year. That's lucky, but not everyone is so lucky. Can't they find happiness at their own pace?

You can start a family with someone. It takes courage. You didn't like any of these blind dates. Their words and actions made you defensive. You're not ready to get married. Stay friends. Friends and partners are different. You're not suitable for each other. It would be wrong to force two unsuitable people together. You still have reverent awe and beautiful expectations for marriage.

Love is a beautiful expectation. Keep your heart open to beautiful people and things. Fate is a rare opportunity, but you can seize it.

You will meet the right person. Don't forget you want to be married. Good luck!

Hello, From what you've shared, it seems like you might be facing some challenges.

You've asked whether your being single for too long is due to being guarded against the opposite sex. It's understandable that you don't feel much for every opposite sex you meet on a blind date, and that you don't click, which makes the blind date unsuccessful. You're still single after the blind date, and you're feeling troubled.

It might be worth noting that your work environment doesn't allow for much contact with the opposite sex, which could potentially limit your understanding of them. This might lead you to focus on your own experiences and reflections.

It's understandable that you might encounter some less polite men through matchmaking services.

It might be worth noting that a man who types things like "cute" and "spank" on WeChat right after meeting you for the first time could give the impression that he is not a serious person. It's understandable if you feel you're being overly defensive, but it's important to remember that you're not wrong.

You mentioned that you tend to approach the opposite sex with the idea of falling in love, which can be a bit stressful. It might be helpful to consider approaching relationships with a more open mind. This is something a friend of mine has experienced as well.

This shows that you are very dedicated to relationships and take them seriously. That's why you don't want to make the mistake of choosing the wrong person. You want to treat your partner seriously, but you've found that not everyone takes relationships as seriously as you do. I can understand how you feel.

It's not that every man who comes on a blind date will treat a relationship as politely and seriously as we do. We're just not quite ready to meet the right person yet.

It is understandable to be cautious when interacting with people of the opposite sex.

It would be wise to exercise caution when dealing with strangers as well. It is only when someone does or says something that makes you feel uneasy that you will naturally react with caution. You are not wrong in doing so.

My friend shared a similar perspective. She emphasized the importance of not rushing into marriage and the value of seeking a partner who aligns with your long-term vision. She acknowledged that finding the right person may take time and that there's no need to hasten the process.

In light of your situation, I would like to extend my support and encouragement. I believe that with time and resilience, you will find the strength to persevere. I am confident that you will meet your ideal partner when the time is right.

Let's tackle this together with strength!

Hello! It seems like you have a lot of questions on your mind.

I really believe that the answer is in your heart. If you don't believe me, I'd encourage you to ask yourself the following questions:

Why do I want to fall in love? Is it to receive love, or to give love?

Is it about having someone to keep you company or to lean on? Is it about going to the beach together or eating in a small restaurant in an alley?

Or maybe you'd rather walk the dog together after dinner?

Or were they pushed by your parents? Or do you feel that a romantic partner is like a fashion item, essential in modern society, otherwise you'll look bad?

Think about it. There might not be just one answer. Write down all the answers you think are correct, and then give each one a score.

Next, we'll talk about the "defensiveness" you mentioned.

Let's say the reason you can't find the right person on a blind date is because you're on your guard. Where does that come from?

Maybe you can pinpoint a past experience that made you feel uneasy around the opposite sex or strangers, whether it was in person or from what you've heard in the news. It's possible that certain actions from certain people at that time made you feel disgusted and rejected, and then sometimes unconsciously transferred this rejection to the new guy you met.

So, you can think about it. Have you had some bad experiences in the past that have left you with bad memories?

Then you can make a distinction between what happened in the past and what's going on now. Not everyone is a jerk!

If the other person says something that makes you uncomfortable, you can always ask them about it. You can ask them directly, or you can stop and think about whether there is a second, third, or fourth possibility. You can also think about whether what they meant was really what you think it means. This way, if a similar expression occurs again, it will gradually stop triggering the unpleasant memories of the past because you have changed the path of the memories.

Of course, what I've said is just my take on your written description, and I hope it sparks a few new ideas.

You should also know that you haven't done anything wrong, and there are no rules for the blind date process that dictate what you should or shouldn't do. No one is grading you on your performance, either, so there's no need to worry about getting a 10 or a 0.

So, no matter what you do, it's okay. Everyone is different, and you can find the right person for you in your own way.

You're doing great. And you're pursuing your own happiness, which is awesome.

I hope you're happy every day and love yourself a little more every day, whether you're single or in a relationship. Best of luck!

The sole rationale for remaining unmarried is the assumption that one is not sufficiently attractive.

It is a common misconception that a person's attractiveness is the sole determining factor in their romantic success. In reality, even individuals with significant personal challenges can find love if they possess a certain level of physical appeal. This concept is exemplified by the idea that, regardless of one's circumstances, there will always be courageous individuals who are willing to risk their lives in search of a worthy partner.

Furthermore, one's conservatism towards the opposite sex may not be entirely due to one's personality. If one were to meet a boy with whom they had a strong romantic interest, they would likely be more proactive in pursuing a relationship, even if they did not immediately pursue a romantic involvement.

Let us address the root of the problem: you are angry with yourself and questioning your worth. Are you truly only good enough to be friends with these men?

Indeed, it is evident that you have been duped by these men. It is astonishing that you would even consider engaging in a blind date with them.

Individuals who are not abnormal may become so when they engage in activities that are outside of their usual patterns of behavior, such as going on a blind date.

It is worth noting that there is a professional term for blind dates, which is "the dating market."

One is prompted to inquire whether this is, in fact, human language.

It is perplexing that you are unable to comprehend their statements.

The vegetable market offers vegetables, the seafood market provides seafood, the building materials market offers building materials, and the dating market, of course, offers dating services.

The question thus arises as to whether love and marriage can be bought and sold.

If you respond in the affirmative, indicating that love and marriage can be purchased and sold, I will promptly disavow my previous assertion.

If you also adhere to the conviction that love and marriage cannot be purchased or sold, it would be prudent to forego a blind date and instead prioritize self-care and personal enhancement. Regardless of whether one's beauty is intrinsic or extrinsic, it is essential to exude a radiant and compelling presence.

The concept of beauty is not merely about attracting attention; rather, it is about identifying an individual who genuinely appreciates one's intrinsic value, rather than someone who merely views one as a prospective marriage partner.

In regard to maintaining a cautious stance in one's interactions with the opposite sex, it is essential to be honest with oneself. If one does not find a particular approach agreeable, there is no obligation to engage with it. Conversely, if one does find a particular approach agreeable, it is important to express one's genuine feelings.

An attitude of rejection is still evident. Blind dates are planned with a specific purpose. It is clear that contact with the opposite sex is not feasible in one's current work environment. Even if such contact occurs, there is no desire to pursue a relationship with anyone from the workplace, necessitating continued avoidance of any appearance of impropriety.

It is advisable to avoid selecting a partner at work. This indicates a lack of clarity regarding boundaries. There is no inherent problem with friends introducing you to someone or using online dating services. You can become acquainted with them and, should you choose to do so, you may decline their advances. You may perceive their actions as presumptuous and premature attempts to define the nature of the relationship.

A prolonged period of singledom can result in an increased defensiveness towards the opposite sex.

I have not been in a relationship since I graduated from school; I was merely infatuated.

The majority of individuals in one's immediate social circle will eventually enter into matrimony and procreate. This insulates the subject from the opposite sex.

It is advisable to maintain a certain degree of distance and reserve in these circumstances.

It is advisable to maintain a certain degree of caution.

It is reasonable to conclude that the two of you should allow yourselves a longer period of time to become acquainted with one another, rather than precipitously deciding on a relationship. Some matters cannot be addressed abruptly, as that would be an unduly hasty approach.

⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️The desire for love and affection does not negate the necessity of establishing boundaries.

It is essential to define the type of love you desire.

It is also essential that the other person is in alignment with your inner thoughts.

One may attempt to interact with the opposite sex, though with minimal intention. The objective is to simply become acquainted. Perhaps the most prudent approach is to merely become acquainted. Should a connection be established, the subsequent step may be taken naturally.

Due to your proclivity for rejection, you may have encountered a plethora of discordant information. In the current digital age, where negativity abounds, it is imperative to address those complexes that are exhausting, vexatious, and intimidating in a reasonable manner.

From my perspective, some of your experiences occurred in the distant past, rendering it challenging to derive significant insight from them. Your days as a student have come to a close, and you are now a working adult. Prolonged periods of togetherness may also prove futile.

Many individuals may be unable to wait for an extended period of time before entering into a marital and familial commitment. The desire to do so is often driven by a sense of urgency to provide an answer to their families. However, it is only through a prolonged period of intimacy and understanding that one can gradually begin to relax and reveal their true thoughts and feelings.

If you perceive it challenging to disarm and open up, it is advisable to allow yourself the necessary time and space to make the necessary adjustments so that you can gain clarity on your needs. It may be beneficial to consult with a counselor. It is also possible that your resistance and defensiveness are linked to unresolved trauma. In such cases, it may be helpful to take a psychological test for potential internal trauma to facilitate self-understanding.

Please clarify the meaning of ZQ.

Dear Question Asker,

I am grateful for the opportunity to engage in discourse on this matter.

You stated that you have not been in a relationship since you began your professional career. I am uncertain as to the duration of your employment, but I surmise that it has not exceeded three years. You must be approximately 28 years of age, correct?

What an auspicious period of life, at the pinnacle of one's youth, a time that many would envy.

It is also important to note that this period is often accompanied by feelings of confusion and disorientation. This can be seen as a form of emotional ambivalence, where positive and negative feelings coexist. It seems that this ambivalence is currently affecting you. Best regards,

As the years progress, I find myself aging while my friends relocate to the city. I remain in my current place of residence. I perceive a lack of opportunity to interact with individuals of the opposite sex. Additionally, I experienced instances of romantic interest during my academic tenure. I find myself nostalgic for those experiences. I desire to recapture that enduring sentiment and, ideally, enhance its quality.

However, it is evident that the hormonal and experiential changes that occur during maturation result in a significant shift in emotional responses. The same external stimuli that once elicited a strong emotional reaction, such as tears, are now met with a more composed and mature response.

One might inquire as to whether this is beneficial or detrimental. In my estimation, it is likely advantageous and will circumvent certain difficulties. To illustrate, you stated:

In a blind date situation, individuals tend to be direct in their communication. Some men seek to expedite the confirmation of their romantic interest, while others may send messages such as "little cutie" or "spank the butt" via WeChat before even meeting the recipient. Such behavior can lead to a loss of positive regard.

This perspective on love is decidedly positive. During my own academic years, I would have likely been gratified by the fervor displayed by the object of my affection.

It is my assessment that this represents a period of growth for you.

With the appropriate mindset, one can better regulate thoughts and behaviors in the future. The concern is that one may inadvertently deter potential romantic interests, leading to feelings of self-consciousness. This has prompted the decision to seek scientific assistance.

Your wisdom will serve you well should you meet the right person.

It would be advisable, if circumstances permit, to:

However, should the other individual express their desire to pursue a romantic relationship with me, I may choose to maintain my current distance.

In such a situation, it would be preferable to reduce the distance between the two parties involved. After all, they are engaged in employment, in a relationship, and contemplating marriage. This will facilitate the process of marriage.

However, it is acceptable to simply continue with your current actions. When destiny presents itself, it is not within our power to resist. You are currently doing an admirable job.

In the eyes of the heavens, all things are arranged for the best.

It is recommended that you enjoy the present, greet life with grace, and recall the following: when a daughter is a daughter for a day, she is a fairy for a day. If you are able to enjoy your days as a fairy with peace of mind, you will be better able to enjoy life in the city in the future.

It is recommended that you work assiduously each day and arrange to meet the person with whom you are destined to become involved. I extend my love and best wishes to you!

Hello, question asker!

I understand your feelings and situation. I can see your confusion, helplessness, and desire for change in your words. Let's look at it together.

"Most people meet their partners through friends or online dating. I'm quite guarded around strangers of the opposite sex. With a blind date, everyone is straightforward."

"Most people meet their partners through friends or online dating. I'm quite guarded around strangers of the opposite sex. With a blind date, everyone is straightforward."

This model of a blind date is bound to have some details or behaviors that you can't accept. It's normal to lose all good feelings when this happens. After all, it's the first time you've met or you don't know each other very well. There's no reason for the questioner to doubt their own defensive instincts.

This model of blind date may encounter details or behaviors that you can't accept, and you may suddenly lose all good feelings. This is normal. After all, it's the first time you've met or you don't know each other very well, so there's no need for the questioner to doubt themselves.

The questioner should directly explain the situation to the other person, indicate which points about him make him feel very uncomfortable, and then see if there are other factors that make it necessary to get to know each other more.

"But sometimes if the other person approaches me with the idea that I want to be in a relationship with you, I will want to keep my distance again."

Ultimately, it's possible that you simply don't like each other very much. If you feel good about it, you should give yourself and the other person more time to get to know each other better. You can directly tell the other person that you feel the current pace is too fast and that you want to get to know each other better. If the other person cares about you,

Ultimately, it's likely due to a lack of mutual interest. If you're comfortable with it, give yourself and the other person more time to get to know each other better. Clearly express your desire to take a slower pace and allow for a deeper connection. If the other person cares about you, they'll understand.

"I found that most of my romantic experiences happened during my student days because we spent a lot of time together and gradually let down our guard."

"I found that most of my romantic experiences happened when I was a student. We spent a lot of time together, and we gradually let down our guard. That's how it happened."

There are, without a doubt, many differences between student love and society, especially when it comes to marriage. The questioner has already realized this, but for the time being, we must return to the present.

There are indeed many differences between student love and society, especially when it comes to marriage. The questioner has already realized this, but for the time being, we must return to the present.

The questioner should not lose faith in love or deny all people. People are complex and come in all types. The questioner will meet that special someone.

The questioner should not completely disbelieve in love and thus deny all people. People are complex and come in all types. The questioner will meet that special someone.

The host can try these practice questions:

Define your standards for choosing a spouse.

Here are some practice questions that the host can try:

List your rigid conditions in order of priority. If you cannot accept smoking, make it your first priority. You also tend to reject drinking, but if it is for work-related entertainment, you can accept it, so make it your second priority.

Other things such as financial conditions (house, car), job stability, time to spend with family, family situation, etc., are important factors to consider when choosing a spouse. Decide what your criteria are and stick to them. You may not end up exactly following this, but at least you'll know what you want.

No one is perfect.

You will encounter differences in opinions and practices when contacting the opposite sex. It is important to recognize that no two individuals are perfect, and that everyone has a unique background and way of thinking. Even when faced with the same situation, they will have different opinions. It is essential to accept these differences and broaden your social circle.

The moon has its full and crescent phases, and no one is perfect. Everyone's family background and upbringing are different, so their way of thinking and style of doing things are different. Even when faced with the same thing, they will have different opinions.

If you feel that some of your

If you feel that your ideas and practices are different from those of the opposite sex during contact, you must think about it from their perspective and seriously consider how this difference will affect you. If your world views really don't match, there's no point in continuing.

If it's something very small and unimportant, accept it first and then learn more about the other things. No one is exactly the same as you or exactly as you imagined them to be.

Expand your social circle.

Expand your social circle.

You can do this.

The questioner mentioned that it is difficult to meet the opposite sex due to work reasons. You need to take control of the situation and try something else on your own. Participate in more interest activities and cultivate a few of your own characteristics. Learn to cook a few dishes well, exercise more, and take control of your life.

Once you get out there, you will meet more people who share your worldview, ideas, and hobbies. You can also get to know this person better at activities.

Improve yourself! You can do it. It is possible that your ideal other half is not in your current circle, and you can only reach his circle when you improve yourself. He'll have to work hard to enter that circle with you.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner. I also believe that the questioner will meet their better self and improve themselves as soon as possible. Best wishes!

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner. I also expect that the questioner will meet a better self and a better him as soon as possible. Best wishes!

Hello.

You say you've been single for too long because you're on your guard. We all have this mentality towards strangers because we're in a state of distrust and lack of understanding, whether it's mild or severe. In the mild case, we feel the world or others are safe and get familiar with others quickly. In the severe case, we think the world or others are hostile and need to be on guard at all times for bad news. This is self-protection.

If you are overly defensive, you will not be able to open up, which will prevent you from establishing a good relationship with others. You mentioned that you had a crush in school. Did you try to establish a relationship and continue to develop it? The foundation for developing an intimate relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend is a crush. Seeing this person makes me feel very happy and I want to get to know them. The next step is whether your relationship is harmonious and whether the other person respects and recognizes you enough. That is a good relationship.

Your work environment limits your contact, and even if you get to know each other, you'll be wary when the other person offends you. You feel that these people are no longer as innocent as they were in school and that they all have ulterior motives. You are helpless and confused.

You need to expand your social circle, get to know as many people of the opposite sex as possible, and establish boundaries. If you want to advance the relationship, you need to tell him what kind of way you want to get along and how you want to be treated. Leave those that don't respect you. You need to ask yourself what kind of partner you want, what qualities you're looking for, and go in a targeted direction.

I am confident this will be helpful.

Hello, question owner,

It seems that you may have some difficulty trusting others, yet you also seem to desire intimacy. This may be because you observe that many of those around you have already established romantic relationships, which can cause feelings of anxiety. This anxiety may be a desire to fall in love and a defense mechanism that makes it challenging for other people of the opposite sex to get close to you. As a result, you may feel conflicted, torn, and helpless.

I believe you may be seeking a natural state of love, such as the process of getting to know someone, meeting them, getting along, and then considering marriage. When the opposite sex around you wants to enter a romantic relationship quickly, you may wish to consider actively rejecting them. This could help to create a sense of distrust and make it more challenging to let down your guard.

You mention that your feelings remain tied to your student days and that you may still seek a pure love. However, it's important to recognize that reality is reality. Many of us who have entered society have become accustomed to matchmaking, but we may find it challenging to find the kind of love we had as students, which was often free from financial worries and carefree. After entering society, we have to bear the responsibilities of growing up, which can include considering ourselves, learning to be independent, and finally separating from our parents. This is a process that many of us may face.

I believe the original poster may benefit from getting to know the opposite sex. Once they have a better understanding, they can then consider a romantic relationship. From there, they can observe if there are any inconsistencies between themselves and their partner, and if their values align. If they feel ready, they can even consider marriage. First and foremost, it's essential to let go of any preconceived notions. Accepting yourself is accepting others. Give the other person a chance. At the same time, you can also see for yourself how you get along with others. Accept what you cannot change, and work on improving the things you can. Be aware of yourself, see your relationship with your inner self, and gradually become a better version of yourself. Believe in yourself.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

After reading your account, I can somewhat empathize with you. I can relate! I've been single for many years, too. People often wonder if it's due to one's own factors, such as being defensive.

I can see how the reasons for being single for too long and the opposite sex and defensiveness are actually two key factors that seem to be related. It's so hard to know if they're connected or not!

There are a few reasons why you might have been single for a while. Some people find it difficult to meet someone special in their work environment, or they might have had a few failed relationships. It's also totally normal to feel a bit insecure about finding a partner. Looking back, it seems like you were a bit defensive around the opposite sex. It's understandable! Their words and actions made you feel rejected and annoyed. It seemed like they were only interested in you because they felt like it was time to get in a relationship. This can make you feel like they're rushing things, which can make you feel defensive.

I can see that this makes you feel a bit defensive.

Everyone has an instinct to defend themselves, and we all have different ways of doing that. You long for a relationship in which you can get to know and understand each other, and gradually gain trust and fall in love with each other, regardless of external conditions.

So when you get in touch with someone you like, it can feel like they don't take the time to get to know you. It can feel like you have to confirm the relationship and cross the line to send some ambiguous messages. It's only natural that you feel uncomfortable at first.

I totally get it. You feel like you need to change yourself to find a good long-term relationship. And I agree that you should focus on getting to know someone first before you fall in love. That way, you can enjoy the process of getting to know each other and reduce your psychological pressure.

So, the reason you're single isn't that you're wary of men, it's that you haven't met someone who shares the same values. And that's totally okay!

I can really feel that you still long for a good long-term relationship and are willing to try to change yourself for that reason. You asked if you need to change, and I just want to say that you don't!

You can be your own master, and that's a good thing! If there are areas you'd like to improve, go for it! If you're happy with where you are, that's great too. When it comes to relationships, don't let a bad match bring you down. There are plenty of fish in the sea! If you can't be lovers, you can still learn from the feelings the other person brings you. Use them as nourishment to help you grow! Be grateful for the thoughts the outside world has triggered in you.

It takes a lot of courage to be hated, and it takes even more courage to be happy. You can do it! Find your happiness with tenderness and determination. I believe in you. ?

Dear Questioner,

From your description, it seems that you do not fully accept the matchmaking model. However, in reality, there are fewer opportunities to directly meet men. Indeed, you also desire love and intimate relationships, but the men you meet through matchmaking are not what you imagined, so you are somewhat disappointed and lost, and you begin to doubt whether you are being too defensive. You become anxious and worried about this, and you may even start to doubt yourself.

Indeed, love is affected by a multitude of factors. To illustrate, if one had a crush during one's formative years, one would likely perceive it as particularly beautiful and romantic. Have you ever expressed your feelings to another individual, or has another individual expressed their feelings to you? Have you had any experience with love?

It is not uncommon for individuals to have expectations regarding romantic relationships. Many women, for instance, anticipate that their ideal partner will manifest as a Prince Charming figure, descending from the heavens to pursue them exclusively.

Consequently, if the behaviour and mannerisms of the individual in question do not align with one's expectations and the discrepancy is significant, it is likely that disappointment will ensue. This phenomenon is not exclusive to blind dates; many individuals tend to be forthright and fail to recognise that emotional matters revolve around the convergence and exchange of hearts and minds. Those who hold lofty expectations for love may find themselves at a disadvantage when faced with a realistic outlook.

However, if one does not participate in a blind date, one is unable to gain an understanding of the individual in question.

Such circumstances may give rise to conflict. Might there be an alternative approach?

It would be prudent to view blind dates as a means of meeting men, some of whom may be suitable partners and others who may not. It is possible to gain more insight into these men by spending time with them and, initially, it is not necessary to reject them.

If the initial interaction is positive but the relationship ultimately proves unsuccessful, it is advisable to end it. However, if there are feelings involved, it is prudent to allow the relationship to develop gradually. It is recommended to communicate this intention from the outset, suggesting a period of communication and mutual exploration before making any decisions.

Alternatively, I am more attuned to emotional nuances and am not yet ready to delve into practical matters. Are you feeling any trepidation?

This is the manner in which one may take the initiative in a passive form of matchmaking. How do you envision the progression of your romantic relationship? It is not sufficient to merely accept a potential partner when they are kindly introduced to you; rather, you must actively pursue the relationship. Does this also affect your judgment and feelings?

Additionally, it is advisable to maintain realistic expectations. The positive aspects of romantic relationships are often transient. In a relationship, both partners typically strive to present their best selves while attempting to conceal their shortcomings.

Ultimately, one's true character will emerge, and the ability to accept one's authentic self is crucial.

One must alter one's approach from a passive to an active one.

One may participate in a greater number of social activities, meet a greater number of individuals, and communicate with them more frequently, which will consequently enhance the probability of success.

Once an individual has identified a potential romantic interest, it is advisable to initiate contact and pursue a relationship.

It is my sincere hope that you will soon be in a happy relationship.