Is there any hope for a relationship that is constantly fighting? What should you do?

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

From what you've told me, it seems like your relationship with your partner is going well. You've been together for three years, but there have been a lot of arguments and periods of distance in that time. This is not a healthy way to interact with someone you want to be in a relationship with.

It's not uncommon for the questioner's partner to suggest breaking up after hearing such words. This can be a painful and sad experience for the questioner. They might cry bitterly in an attempt to retain the relationship, but their partner says they don't know how to maintain it. It's possible that the relationship has already become exhausting for them.

I can see how the questioner feels. You both know you're doing it wrong, but you love each other. You're stuck in this problem, loving and torturing each other. It seems like you're showing each other the future at a glance. She's afraid, and I think the questioner was, too. But you always believe that as long as you love each other, you can just keep going.

Is there any hope for a relationship that frequently argues? What should you do in this situation?

It's important to remember that arguments don't necessarily mean there are bad feelings involved.

It's a fact of life that couples argue. The question is, how often? Some people argue more, and it seems to make their relationship stronger. Others argue less, and it can lead to problems. The key to arguing well is to do it constructively. You need to be able to express your grievances and other emotions, but you also need to be able to calm down and listen to the other person's thoughts. If you can't do that, you'll never be able to resolve the problem. If you keep arguing without listening, the problem just keeps accumulating.

These problems are like knots in the heart, and they'll come up again in the next argument because the emotions from the last time were never resolved. This pattern of living together can easily ignite that anger over trivial matters, and another argument ensues. You're stuck in a never-ending cycle of misery, but you're unwilling to give up. So you can only love each other when you're in a good mood, and when you're in a bad mood, you vent your frustrations on each other.

Solution: Effective Communication When an argument breaks out, one party needs to calm down. When your partner is angry, give her a hug to show you can feel her emotions. This will help her take a deep breath, talk to herself about why she is angry, and discuss together what caused this quarrel. You can then talk directly about the problem instead of solving it in an argumentative tone.

As you get more comfortable with this way of communicating, she'll be less inclined to just let out her emotions. Relationships are about mutual respect and understanding. If she feels that you respect and love her, she'll be more open to hearing you out.

This is not the best way to get along.

From what you've told me, it seems like the pattern you've been following over the years might need to be adjusted. Cold wars after arguments are also a form of violence in relationships, and they can really damage your relationship. The argument was originally just an attempt to solve a problem, but one party used the cold war to represent their attitude at the time, again and again. Even the person who is being cold-shouldered loses their sense of security in the relationship, and they wonder if the other person no longer cares about them or if they no longer love them.

When men and women in a relationship argue, many of them are more concerned about their own emotions and want to vent. This phenomenon is called the narrowing effect. The concept of the narrowing effect was proposed by Professor Rosenstein of the United States in 1996. It means that people only focus on the preferences at a certain moment and in a certain place, which leads to problems with their original preferences. (This explanation comes from 360 Search.) This mode of getting along with each other is wrong. If it is never changed, and if one party can no longer bear it, the end result can be imagined.

The solution is to learn how to get along together. The questioner and his partner have been getting along this way for quite some time, so it's not something that can be changed overnight. It also depends on the personalities of the people involved. The questioner can convince the other person to give each other some time and a chance to learn together what is the right way to get along with each other. As long as the two people are willing to change, the relationship can still be maintained very well.

Cong Fei from the teacher [It turns out that understanding is more important than love] is a good choice for the questioner. We always say that we love each other, but we hurt each other. Even though we love each other, we don't know how to keep this love alive. This love will also have a time limit, so understanding is more difficult than love. [Intimate Relationship Management] is the work of Chen Lijie. This book also talks about the frequent arguments between the questioner and his partner. The questioner can read this book based on his own situation, and I believe you can find a solution from your own perspective.

It's not easy for two people to get to know each other from the start. After three years, you should still feel like you're a good match, except when you're arguing. You should be willing to work together to improve the relationship, appreciate your partner, and not give up easily when faced with minor challenges.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best regards.

Hello!

Intimacy is not just about love. Building intimacy is not complicated. If you still believe she is your future partner, the pain will be short.

Can the relationship survive frequent arguments? What should they do?

It's like a voting mechanism. If 99 people don't support you and only one does, would the questioner deny themselves? We can't deny ourselves because self-acceptance is the foundation of our social standing. Therefore, voting or calculating the value we pursue with probability is unreasonable because everyone's values and perceptions are different. But the harm and trauma caused by frequent quarrels seems to have drained each other's energy and heart. If you give up a relationship because you are tired or because you don't know, it means that there are already problems in the way you treat the relationship. If you meet a lover who touches your heartstrings and problems arise, you should work harder to improve your ability to manage the relationship.

We've been together for almost three years, but we argue a lot. We're tired of fighting and being sad, so she's pushed me away.

Three years is enough to understand a person's character. However, there are still many disagreements. This shows that the two sides do not have the ability to resolve conflicts or to tolerate each other. They are reluctant to separate, so they are on a cold war footing. In fact, one person's love energy is very scarce. This means that they will use reverse operations to maintain a relationship. The result of this is that they will only gradually drift apart.

Manage relationships.

1. Listen to others.

The questioner's thinking is still limited to self-centeredness. This affects his behavior and how he perceives and thinks. If he can't escape from his own feelings when he's with his girlfriend, he won't see her true desires or be able to tell her what he really thinks.

2. Check your thoughts with your girlfriend.

Intimacy without conflict is impossible. Even though the relationship is sweet, you are still two different people with different thoughts and ways of thinking. The first thing to do is to accept that you have been in love for three years and that you have had arguments. The real problem is that you cannot solve them. As the relationship develops, the core issue is whether you can agree on a common goal. This is usually due to communication problems between the two of you, which lead to differences in perception. Whenever problems arise, they are always escalated, but you cannot gain greater wisdom from experience to use.

After you've argued as much as you can, take a moment to think about your girlfriend. Do you still love her? If so, have a conversation with her. Tell her what you really think. Once you've expressed your feelings, you'll be able to deal with the issue more calmly. Only when your girlfriend feels safe and trusts you will she be able to move forward with you.

3. You need to understand each other better.

If you ask the questioner if he understands his girlfriend, he may say he does. But if you ask his girlfriend, she may say something different. This shows the problem: how is the questioner managing the relationship? Is it enough to love her?

The girlfriend's answer will be different from the questioner's because she feels differently. If someone knows me well, they'll know what makes me happy, not what they think is good. Through this review, the questioner will understand that the two sides' arguments are full of conflict and harm because they assume their ideas are being projected onto the other person.

I wish you happiness.

Hello! After reading your question, I want to congratulate you!

I have a couple nearby who have a minor disagreement every three days and a major one every five days. They often talk about divorce. The worst time was when they argued in front of the civil affairs bureau. However, now that they've been married for eight years, they've never divorced. In fact, their relationship has improved! During arguments, both parties' emotional needs are met, and negative emotions are released.

In this case, the marriage is less likely to have problems!

On the other hand, people who rarely argue are often keeping their emotions bottled up. Over time, they'll burst, and when they do, they may end up in a fight. This kind of emotion is more likely to go wrong, and divorce is more likely to happen!

So, it's a good thing you can argue! If you ever stop doing that, you should be worried.

Regarding the differences in character and thinking between the two sides, it's important to remember that different growth experiences often lead to different personality traits and ways of thinking. This is totally normal! The key is finding a balance where you can let go of your respective obsessions and focus on common ground while still acknowledging and learning from each other's strengths and weaknesses.

As my psychologist always says, there are no advantages or disadvantages, only characteristics! You could try letting go of your preconceptions and thinking about whether what your wife says also makes sense.

I think you and your wife need to learn to find a balance. It's a life lesson you both need to complete at this time.

I don't know all the details of your situation, so I can only give you general advice. If you want us to look into it further, please provide some specific examples so we can offer more tailored guidance. We respect your privacy and will not violate it in any way.

Hello, landlord. I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

After reading your description, I can say that what you're experiencing is pretty common. It's not that you've stopped loving each other, but that you're unsure of what to do next. Since you've encountered difficulties and identified problems, the next thing we need to do is find a way to solve them. I know you've come here for help because you also want to solve the problem, right?

Yes, when intimacy reaches a point where it's full of romance and passion, we'll enter a period of friction where we'll start to see each other's shortcomings. We'll also start to take each other's previous advantages for granted. We might even find ourselves in a competitive relationship where we both want to be heard and listened to. Neither of us is willing to give in, so we'll have strong conflicts and contradictions, and we'll often quarrel. However, this is actually the only way for intimacy to work. We need to see each other's needs and demands in contradictions and conflicts so that we can understand each other better and join hands and walk the next path of life together.

The real issue isn't whether to continue or give up. It's that you both need to learn and grow in your intimacy. You need to learn how to manage your relationship, communicate in it, be yourself in it, and achieve both sides. That way, your relationship will nourish both of you. You'll no longer see conflicts and arguments. You'll see support and strength.

That's why it's important to learn how to argue properly.

We need to understand that our arguments are driven by our desires. If we want to make changes, we have to explore and follow our desires, but that's not enough. We also need to learn how to argue effectively so that conflict can turn into happiness.

First, we need to be brave enough to open up and engage closely with the other person.

Maybe you'd say that we already have a good relationship. We talk a lot, we do the housework together, and we have a lot of physical contact.

But if we look deeper into these patterns of getting along, we may discover that this is not necessarily the case. We are afraid that our giving will be repaid with betrayal, and we are worried that the other person will leave, so we are always on our guard, sometimes even deliberately trying to please the other person to create a false interaction.

But true intimacy means taking risks and making mistakes to satisfy our desires. It requires us to show our true selves, to express anger when we're angry and to say what we want when we want something. When you try to do this, you'll find that you don't hold grudges and you're no longer afraid of conflict because a strong sense of trust has developed between you. You're no longer afraid of arguing because arguing is a way to help you achieve your desires.

It's not easy to do this well. We have to learn certain rules, or it could easily turn into a war. For example, when we're arguing, we should assume that the other person is acting in good faith, not ill will. When we're arguing, we should be clear that our goal is to gain something, not to stubbornly insist on our own point of view. At all times, we must remain honest and dare to speak the truth. When there's a disagreement, we should engage in more positive interactions and less destructive interactions. When we do something that damages the relationship, we should make up for it by doing something positive, so that the relationship remains balanced.

For instance, if you lose your cool today, you could buy flowers on your way home from work, cook dinner for your partner, and so on, to bring things back into balance.

Second, we need to free ourselves from the habits of thinking and behaving in certain ways.

We often say that love can blind us. This is because when we're in a relationship, we're always tempted to project the positive attributes we want in our partner. For example, we might say, "He's full of energy" or "He gives me a sense of security." At the same time, we also hope that the other person will appreciate and identify with us, so we only show the best part of ourselves.

But as romantic love fades, our subconscious beliefs take over. These include myths about love, unresolved emotional issues, childhood attachment styles, limiting beliefs, and more. We start to project these negative traits onto the other person, and arguments often follow.

These belief matrices often come from relationship patterns formed early in our lives. They're stored outside our conscious mind but will jump out at us at some point and control and influence our thoughts and actions.

Let me give you an example. Wang Cong and his girlfriend Wu Li often argue because they refuse to give in on certain matters.

The reason for this is that Wang Cong's father was unreasonable. Wang Cong was afraid of him from a young age and didn't want to face him. So, in Wang Cong's mind, there's a belief that "I am not valued." When his girlfriend Wu Li stands firm, this belief comes out, making him angry. He unconsciously projects this image of his father onto his girlfriend.

Is there a way to help us break these patterns and escape from our thinking and behavior patterns? The answer is yes.

We can try a different approach to help us break free from these limiting beliefs. It's about taking the initiative to change and grow, and introducing something new or surprising into the relationship. This helps us construct a new set of beliefs and behaviors.

For instance, if you think you're not valued, you can try to change your thinking by repeatedly telling yourself that you're a very important person. When you act in line with this new belief, you and your girlfriend will naturally establish a new way of getting along with each other, and this change will elevate your relationship to a new level.

Finally, rebuild the matrix and aim to become an even better version of ourselves.

Once we've learned to let go of ourselves, the next step is to practice and rebuild our belief matrix over and over. Did you know?

It takes about 10,000 hours to master a skill. The same is true for transforming a relationship. You have to have a firm belief and act on it, repeating the training until it reconstructs the neural pathways in the brain and establishes a new, stronger belief matrix.

If you skip this step, you'll probably end up back where you started because old beliefs will come back like a virus, influencing the positive changes you've made and dragging you back into the pattern of ineffective arguments.

Rebuilding the matrix requires more than just deliberate practice and continuous self-improvement. It also requires creativity and a vision that incorporates the ideas and behaviors we desire.

Here's a really effective tool: developing an "intention to act." What's an "intention to act"?

It means we can think through and practice the different ways we could rebuild the relationship. For example: What do I want to get out of this relationship? What will my life be like if my desires are fulfilled? What problems might come up along the way?

What other possibilities might there be in our relationship?

By setting a vision and developing the "intention to execute," we can make each other's goals and plans clearer and work together to build a better future. In the process, we'll experience a deeper love that will penetrate every corner of the relationship. You'll find that arguments have also become a catalyst for the development of your relationship. We no longer argue for the sake of arguing, but we've begun to fight for happiness.

So, did you notice? Fighting isn't all bad.

Some couples call it quits after a fight, while others seem to grow closer and closer.

When we learn to argue properly, see each other's needs and desires in the relationship, and communicate properly, our intimate relationship will be long-lasting and stable, becoming more and more harmonious and happy.

Arguing isn't terrible, but we often use the wrong approach, which is ineffective and damaging to the relationship. There's no quick fix for a happy relationship. If we want to succeed, we need to be prepared to welcome appropriate arguments. Avoiding conflict is counterproductive and will only prevent us from growing together.

I also suggest checking out a few books: "Nonviolent Communication," "The Art of Communication," "Managing Intimate Relationships," "How to Argue Properly," and "The Five Languages of Love."

I hope this is helpful. Best wishes!

Good day.

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the key to personal growth and development.

From your description, I can discern a number of challenges you are facing, including feelings of inner torment, hesitation, confusion, pain, and helplessness.

I will not delve into the specifics of the challenges you face due to the ongoing disagreements in your relationship. However, I will provide three key pieces of advice.

Firstly, it is important to recognise that disagreements between partners are to be expected, given the natural differences in life experiences that two individuals may bring to a relationship.

As we often say, the relationship between two people will evolve from the initial excitement to a more settled phase. It is therefore advisable to accept the possibility of conflict and to reserve your energy for more constructive pursuits, to avoid becoming mired in negative emotions.

It is possible to facilitate change by first accepting the status quo. This may seem counterintuitive, but it is a fundamental truth in change management: change is based on allowing for no change.

I recommend reading the book How to Argue Properly. I believe the content will help you understand that healthy arguments can help a relationship develop.

Secondly, it is important to understand that in a relationship, the individual who is more unhappy will be the first to make changes.

You may still feel that the status quo is difficult to change after reading the previous advice. In that case, you may wish to allow some time to elapse, as learning to manage a relationship and learn to love is a kind of ability that needs to be acquired slowly. At this time, you may wish to consider making changes within yourself.

From your description, it seems that both parties are suffering, but you may be suffering more because you have sought assistance. It may be more feasible for you to initiate change first, which could then facilitate her subsequent change, thereby avoiding further negative interactions.

It is important to understand that arguments are a two-person process. If one party is able to calm down, take a step back, or take the initiative to communicate calmly and without emotions, it can have a positive effect on the situation.

Consider the following: if you can refrain from becoming emotionally involved when she presents her arguments, you will likely be able to avoid contentious discussions and even navigate the adjustment period in a peaceful manner.

I recommend that you concentrate on your own actions and consider how you can maintain composure when in her presence.

As previously stated, there has always been mutual influence between you. If you implement some changes, there is a high probability that she will also change. Therefore, you should take the initiative to make the first change. There are several ways you can implement changes:

First, communicate with her sincerely and inform her that you value the relationship and are committed to working together to improve communication and give each other the space to express needs. Such encouragement and support will help you to stabilize your emotions and resolve any outstanding issues.

Secondly, it is essential to maintain composure, remain impartial, and communicate effectively. In the event of an imminent outburst, it is crucial to take a moment to regroup and remind yourself that expressing negative emotions will not be productive and could potentially lead to regret. With repeated practice, you will find that your emotions will stabilize, and you will feel more in control.

Third, in the event of an argument with your partner, you can also learn to take responsibility for yourself. This entails mentally assessing the consequences of your actions, which may include feelings of anger, suffering, and hurt on both sides, as well as despair and regret. After doing so, you may find that your negative emotions subside, allowing you to approach the situation with a more calm and constructive mindset.

When you implement a change, she may also implement a change, allowing you to function well together. This process also allows you to learn to love each other.

Should you choose to make the first change and she does not, you may wish to consider whether you can accept her as she is, even if she occasionally disagrees with you. If you are able to do so, you may wish to proceed with the relationship, as if you love her, you will love her just the way she is.

If you find it challenging to make changes, if she is reluctant to do so, and if the relationship continues to be painful, then you may wish to consider ending it. I believe you will have few regrets at that time, given that you have invested in the relationship and have tried your best, so I do not anticipate that you will regret it.

I hope this information is helpful to you. If you would like to discuss further, you may click on "Find a coach for an online conversation" at the bottom of the page, and I will communicate with you one-on-one.

After almost three years together, they still love each other very much but find themselves constantly quarrelling. This has led to feelings of exhaustion and misery on both sides. With this in mind, it's perhaps understandable that the question mark has fallen on the relationship.

I really hope this text can help you get through the tough times in your relationship.

It's easy to fall in love, but it can be tough to get along with each other. When there are frequent quarrels, it's important to find a solution to the problem.

After almost three years together, they've really grown close. It's no wonder they feel so sad when they're apart, even for a little while!

When I read the questioner's description, I thought of a sweet picture: two hedgehogs snuggling up to each other in the winter. They try to get close to each other, but their quills get in the way. It hurts a bit, but it's worth it to be together. When they move away from each other, they're vulnerable to the cold winter.

So they can only hurt each other, and they can't separate.

The questioner believes that the differences in character and thinking between the two parties have led to constant arguments. It's so true that differences in character and thinking will affect the way the two parties view things.

But in the comments, I saw that the girlfriend had pushed the questioner away more than once, wanting to let you go and let you meet someone better than her. This kind of approach can make people think that perhaps the questioner's girlfriend also has a lot of uncertainty and unease when facing love, and that behind the belief that she is not the better person is a lack of self-acceptance.

And each time you stay, you're sending a lovely little signal: you're important, and I'm worth it, and I'll stay with you again and again, even if it means losing face.

So, in addition to differences in personality and thinking, it might be helpful to consider how your attachment styles affect your relationship. This could be a great way to bridge the gap and keep your love alive, even when you're facing some challenges.

2. When your relationship is going well and you can calmly discuss conflicts, it's a great idea to think of a plan in advance.

2. When your relationship is going well and you can be calm, it's a great idea to talk about the conflicts in depth and think of a plan in advance.

It's been almost three years since you two started dating, and you've had your fair share of disagreements. That just means you've got a lot of experience with arguments! What were the arguments about, what were the main points, and how did you guys work through them? You can talk about this when you're in a good place in your relationship.

This part of the conversation isn't about who's right or wrong, or who's better or worse. It's about understanding how the deeper patterns behind these arguments are affecting your relationship.

We all have different personalities and ways of thinking. It's what makes us unique! While it's not possible to find two leaves with the same veins in the world, it's perfectly normal to seek common ground while also embracing our differences in close relationships.

It's totally normal for two people with similar personalities and ways of thinking to become bored with each other after a while and find each other uninteresting.

3. The thing is, breaking up and getting back together can also be a kind of behavioral dependence. But there's no reason why we can't find another solution!

From the comments, it seems that the questioner and his girlfriend have become accustomed to using breaking up as a solution to their problems. It's totally normal to feel this way! However, once they break up, the two of them are reminded of their attachment to each other and become glued to each other again. It can be painful and exhausting to go through this process of being torn apart and then put back together again.

So, the best way forward is for both of you to come up with some new, creative ways of coping with things.

It's always best to chat about these lovely, constructive topics when the relationship is going well and both of you are in a good mood. It's not so helpful to try and have a discussion when an argument has started and neither of you can calm down.

For example, the two of you can agree that when things get a little heated, you can take a deep breath and calm down for a night. Then, you can resolve the argument the next day. Or, you can keep a diary of all the ways you love each other. When you need a moment to calm down, you can read it together. This can help you deal with your uncalm mind during an argument by arousing your usual deep affection.

After trying various adjustments, there's still hope! It may not be too late to see if your relationship has reached the end of its destiny.

I really hope this sharing can give you a little bit of inspiration.

I'm a psychotherapist, not a human nature expert. I'm here to care for your heart. I wish you well!

Hello, host. I'm honored to answer your question. From your description, I can tell you still love each other. You just find the situation difficult and feel there's no hope for the marriage.

Your marriage seems to have a solid foundation. It's just that some personality issues have caused misunderstandings in communication. Once these are resolved, your marriage can be happy again.

There is no fundamental conflict of interest between you. There is just a lack of emotional control, a failure to express intentions correctly, or a failure to consider the other person's ability to accept intentions during the expression process.

You can choose to see a marriage and family counselor to help you resolve your marital relationship. If you eliminate the misunderstandings caused by your different personalities, your relationship will be stronger. Apart from housework, you don't communicate much. You don't usually have in-depth communication.

Play a game of role reversal with a family therapist. Pick a few scenarios, with the wife playing the husband and the husband playing the wife. This is more realistic than empathy. It's easier to show true intentions and discover the root cause of conflict.

I'm happy to have a date with you. Love, the world and I!

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I have taken the time to read your statement and I empathize with the challenges you are currently facing. I would like to offer my perspective as a reference point for your consideration.

You have been in love for three years and you both love each other. However, due to differences in personality and thinking, you have been experiencing some challenges in your relationship. You are both tired of these challenges, but you don't want to break up. Now, the woman has pushed you away again, and you are also hesitating. Neither of you knows how to move on...

If I may, I would like to make three points.

1. What is love? Perhaps we could say that true love is a giving of oneself unreservedly to another person. It is also tolerance, being able to appreciate the other person's good points and their shortcomings, accepting them all. And love is permission, allowing the other person to be completely themselves and to achieve their potential.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the purpose of an argument. It seems that the intention behind an argument is to correct the other person and change them, or to make them satisfy one's own needs.

It seems that the so-called arguments and cold wars are often about trying to get the other person to give in.

Occasional misunderstandings, a fight, or a little tiff can be seen as minor instances of love. If this has been the case for three years, it might be worth considering whether this is still love.

2. Given the circumstances that prevailed during the relationship, it is understandable that there might be reservations about what the future holds after marriage. While falling in love is a natural and wonderful experience, it is not always easy to navigate the complexities of differences in personality and thought processes. This can make it challenging to maintain a harmonious relationship. It is, therefore, important to approach the transition with a sense of understanding and flexibility.

Perhaps the only solution is separation.

3. The dissolution of a relationship is often perceived as a loss, and it's understandable why it's not an easy decision to make.

However, it could be said that breaking up is a new beginning.

In summary, it would be beneficial for you, young man, to have a general understanding of what to do.

Please note that this is only my personal opinion and should be taken as such.

3.

Hello host, From your question, I can sense your concern and hesitancy about this relationship. It seems that the repeated arguments in your relationship are causing you a great deal of pain. It appears that you still have feelings for each other, but you are struggling to find a way to get along. You are like two hedgehogs huddling for warmth. If you stay too far away, you will feel the cold; if you stay too close, the quills on each other's bodies may cause discomfort.

I am encouraged to see that you are actively seeking solutions to save your relationship, rather than avoiding the problem and giving up easily. I hope my message can be of some help to you.

It could be said that we are all born with a need to be loved, but perhaps we are not all born with the ability to love someone well. How we get along with our loved ones could be seen as a model that we have subconsciously learned from our respective families since childhood.

Due to differences in family background and upbringing, our understanding and feelings of love may vary. When we encounter obstacles in love, it might be helpful to pause and reflect on some questions together, exploring each other's patterns: 1. Why might the other person feel that you don't love her even though you do your best to love her?

2. Could the way you (or she) love the other person be what the other person needs? For example, if the person we love likes to eat watermelon, but we often buy apples back home, they may not feel loved and cared for.

This could perhaps be seen as a problem of asymmetry in the language of love.

In her book The Five Languages of Love, Dr. Chapman offers insights on how we can feel loved and how we can convey our love in five ways: 1. Affirming words. For example, praise and encouragement. We all want to be appreciated by the other person, and affirming words can be a way to show our appreciation.

2. Moments of mindfulness. Moments of mindfulness are high-quality moments when you focus your attention on the other person and share with them, thus creating a sense of connection.

3. Accepting gifts. While this is an easy concept to grasp, it is important to consider whether the gift aligns with the other person's preferences.

4. Acts of service. For example, one might consider voluntarily sharing household chores and taking the initiative to carry heavy objects when going out.

5. Physical contact: holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc.

If the above five languages of love are the way that two people feel love, there may be a discrepancy in how they perceive and express their feelings. If a person's language of love is mainly the action of serving, it is possible that even a valuable gift may not be fully appreciated.

It might be helpful for the hostess to find a quiet moment to discuss with her what kind of love you each feel, and whether you usually give to each other in the way that the other person likes.

Ultimately, it would be wonderful if the host could get what he wants, grow in love, and ultimately love and be loved.

Dear question asker,

In light of your description, I extend to you a gesture of affection and support.

The couple has been together for approximately three years, during which time their relationship has been relatively stable.

The incompatibility of their characters and ways of thinking has led to a tendency towards repeated arguments, misunderstandings, and periods of coldness. It would be painful for either of them to truly separate, but they are both weary of the constant fighting and sadness that characterize their relationship.

She has, on more than one occasion, attempted to terminate the relationship, expressing a desire to pursue a connection with someone more suitable. In a recent development, she once again initiated a separation, prompting me to express my anguish and plead for her reconsideration.

However, I also perceive the relationship to be irremediably compromised. I am uncertain as to how to proceed. It is not that we no longer love each other; it is simply that we are uncertain as to how to proceed.

She stated that she would no longer continue with the relationship, which has resulted in a significant level of distress. In light of these circumstances, it is crucial to determine the optimal direction for the relationship. Should I advise her to terminate the relationship entirely?

The question remains as to how this relationship should proceed.

It seems that there is still a strong attachment between the two individuals, yet there is also a considerable amount of reluctance and conflict. It is possible that this relationship is causing distress for both parties.

One might inquire as to the underlying motivation of one's romantic partner. It is a fundamental tenet of human interaction that one cannot bestow love unless it has been received.

People tend to seek out familiar feelings and repeat the patterns observed in their original families. It is possible that your girlfriend is not explicitly communicating to you that she grew up in an environment of constant arguing, that she suffered a great deal, and that she loves you. It is unclear why she is repeatedly pushing you away.

Do you believe that she is undeserving of your affection? Does she exhibit signs of guilt or avoidance?

A woman is inclined to be obstinate and enjoys a good debate. It would be prudent to consider whether you have overlooked her feelings and thoughts. Adopting her perspective may yield new insights.

One might inquire whether it is beneficial to compare one's partner to an idealized version of a girlfriend.

It is imperative to engage in open and constructive communication.

In point of fact, at a previous juncture, my partner and I were engaged in a state of constant discord, and I was so irritable that I vocalized my profound unhappiness. I was acutely aware of the anguish of causing each other pain, and I cried out that our relationship was untenable.

One might inquire as to the desires of both parties involved. Is reconciliation still a possibility?

It is essential to understand and view your relationship in a constructive manner. Have you done anything wrong in this relationship, and has she? Can you work through your differences? Was it because of an incident? It is important to give her some space to grow up and also to give yourself an outlet. It is beneficial to calm down and reflect on what you have gained from this relationship.

If one engages in such contentious discourse, it will undoubtedly have a detrimental impact on the relationship. It is therefore imperative to consider whether a change in approach is necessary. It is a fundamental tenet of marriage and love that there must be a certain degree of compromise. The question, therefore, is when will we learn to manage a relationship?

It is advisable to allow one's emotions to be expressed rather than suppressed.

The concepts of arguing and communicating are distinct from one another.

I have been remiss in my obligations. I am indebted to Psychology World and I Love You.

Hello, I am the place of peace. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to meet you.

It seems that you have been in a relationship for three years, during which time you have experienced a great deal of companionship and mutual torment. I can sense your inner pain, confusion, powerlessness, and fatigue.

I can't offer advice without knowing more about your situation.

Furthermore, from what I can gather from your description, I believe you have the capacity to find a way out of this situation and discover a solution.

I would be happy to help you find the way forward.

1. Could I ask if this is your first relationship? How did you meet?

Could you please elaborate on what initially attracted you to each other? How long did you know each other before deciding to get together?

Could you please tell me what prompted you to decide to stay with her?

2. The description mentions that there are differences in personalities and ways of thinking between the two of you. Could you please elaborate on what those differences are and when you first noticed them?

3. When you discovered your differences, did you try to communicate honestly and make any efforts to reconcile your differences?

4. If this is the case, could you please elaborate on the attitudes of both parties involved?

5. If not, could I ask what the reason might be? Is it perhaps unwillingness on your part?

Could it be that there was no need?

6. You have been together for three years. Could I ask whether this has been the pattern of your relationship from the beginning?

7. If that is the case, what factors contributed to your decision to remain together for three years? Was it a sense of love?

Could there perhaps be another reason?

8. If not, could you please tell me when this state began?

9. Could I inquire as to whether something happened when this state first appeared?

10. From what I have read, it seems that you may be the one who has been reluctant to let go. Could I ask you why that might be?

Could I ask you whether she makes you feel loved, or whether she shows you that you have the ability to love?

Could I ask whether I am needed? And whether I am safe?

11. I imagine you must already be at work. How would you describe your relationship with your colleagues and superiors?

12. Could you please share your experiences of how you got along with your parents and relatives at home when you were young?

Perhaps the answer lies in facing your inner self with courage, sincerity, and bravery, and accepting the real you.

Ultimately, the choice and the decision are yours to make. It may be helpful to face yourself honestly, without hiding or avoiding, and to face the real you head-on.

I truly hope things work out for you.

Good day, question owner.

After three years of a deep relationship, differences in personality and thinking unfortunately led to frequent arguments. Your girlfriend's words at times made you question your commitment to the relationship. It's understandable that you felt desperate and reached a breaking point.

I used to be someone who liked to say goodbye, but now I think about why I said goodbye so much because I have extremely low security. I always wanted to push the other person away to verify their true feelings for me, but I realize now that the other person's patience was worn out long ago, so they left and gave up on me. At this time, I realized that I was dependent on the other person, and the other person's persistence was challenging for me. But how long could the other person persist in such a heavy love? So a long pain is better than a short pain. I think his leaving was the right thing to do, and without his leaving, I would not be the independent and strong person I am now!

Regarding the issue between the questioner and his girlfriend, you mentioned that there are many conflicts due to differences in personality and thinking. I believe that there are certain differences in thinking between men and women. Even if you are with other women, you will also face the challenge of different thinking. Men tend to focus on results, while women often prioritize the process. Men tend to think in a linear way, while women often think in a more divergent manner. You may have different opinions on many things, but it is important to accept, tolerate, and respect each other. If we want to argue about who is right and who is wrong, we can do without a thoughtful and independent partner.

It is important to remember that constant arguing can drain the energy of both parties. Men and women can get along with each other by accepting different views. It is helpful to identify the root of the problem and consider making a small concession for each other. It is possible to find a balance between giving and taking, and it is important to be open to compromise. In love, women may be sensitive and easily influenced by emotions, but this does not necessarily mean that a relationship should end. Even if there are problems, if one person is willing to work through them instead of breaking up, I believe the relationship has a chance to improve.

I would gently suggest that the questioner consider communicating more deeply with his girlfriend. Before communicating, it might be helpful to resolve some of his emotions. It's important not to let them consume you. Perhaps it would be beneficial to ask your girlfriend what she thinks and what the problem is. Why can't you be together? Is it a firm breakup, or are you trying to test the other person? It's important to remember that relationships can't stand the test of time. They are fragile and can be devastating. You seem sad, and I think your girlfriend must also be sad and hurt. It might be helpful to look at the root of the problem and learn to apply the right remedy. True love is about actively solving problems. If some problems really make it impossible to take consistent action, then leaving might be an option. The premise is to see if the other person and yourself have the willingness to solve the problem!

I hope my perspective is helpful. Best regards,

Hello, question asker.

I'm Kelly, and I can tell you from experience that many people in relationships have common ground that will inevitably lead to arguments, misunderstandings, and cold wars. I've been through this process myself, so I understand how you feel.

You love each other, so you'll always have demands. I know you love each other very much. I don't know your background or what happened, but I know there's no such thing as two people with exactly the same personality and thinking. It's not scary to argue. What's scary is that we don't know the reason.

For example, I used to get angry when my husband didn't reply to my messages, when he didn't call to check on me, and when I didn't like the chocolates I bought. In fact, I'm a very reasonable person in real life, and I was also very puzzled as to why I was so unreasonable in front of my husband. There are three reasons.

1: I don't feel secure. My mother has a short temper and always quarrels with my father, which makes me fear intimacy. Whenever my husband and I have a disagreement, we argue in the same way as my mother and father did. This needs to stop.

2: Mom likes to control dad and always wants him to be just as she wants him to be. She never understood why dad wasn't just like the person she wanted him to be. In fact, her desire to control others is a clear sign of insecurity.

3: When you get close to someone, you will see their flaws, and the anger expressed during an argument needs attention. If you love the other person, you must learn to understand their moodiness, even if you see problems in them yourself.

Meeting someone you love in the world is a blessing. Love her and learn more about her inner world, her growth process, and her past.

If you can't solve it yourself, you need to consult a counselor. They can help you identify the problem and find ways to be happy.

She's probably testing you through arguments.

You can do this. See if you can tolerate her.

The world and I love you.

Hello, dear questioner, I'm Peilü, and I'm so excited to help you!

First of all, I'm going to give you a big, warm hug! ?

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of conflicts in intimate relationships!

—Data interpretation—

The questioner said that during the three years they had been together, their relationship had always been stable. However, due to their differences in personality and thinking, they often had conflicts, and the way you dealt with conflicts was to go cold turkey and argue.

I can feel your pain and confusion at this moment, and I can also feel from your description that you are reluctant to let go of this relationship. I can see that you both cherish each other, and I know you can make this relationship work!

Both of you have been hurt by the repeated arguments and cold wars. You said that she has pushed you away many times, indicating that she wants to completely resolve the unresolved issues between you through a decisive way like breaking up. But breaking up is always so heartbreaking! Give you a comforting hug~

Let's dive into the reasons!

? Individual differences

It's not easy for two people to work together for three years, but it's so worth it! From strangers to acquaintances, it's a wonderful process of gradually discovering the real other person.

As you said, the differences in your personalities and ways of thinking often lead to conflicts. When facing the same thing, different people will naturally focus on different things from their own perspectives, while personality affects the way a person deals with problems. This is an opportunity for you to learn more about each other and grow together!

These individual differences stem from complex factors such as biological inheritance, the original family, personal experience, and the social environment. This means that conflicts in interpersonal relationships are universal and unavoidable—and that means there's always something new to learn!

Let's dive into the world of improper communication methods!

In the text, it says that you often have cold wars and arguments. What I see is that two stubborn people are both holding onto their own positions and refusing to give an inch. If arguing is an intense way of expressing one's needs and dissatisfaction, then a cold war is a refusal of any form of communication and a passive defense. But there's hope! You can work through this together.

Obviously, both approaches are not ideal for properly handling the problem.

Unmet needs

Sometimes, when lovers have a conflict, they can't just focus on the superficial or immediate causes. The root cause may be the existence of certain unmet needs. But don't worry! I believe you have also tried your best to present your best side, to be sweet and considerate, and to be passionate and dedicated to your partner.

Recall the past and compare it to the present self. See what has disappeared with the passage of time, and you might just find the answer you've been looking for!

I'm excited to share some personal advice with you!

Mutual understanding is the key to a happy, healthy relationship!

Understanding and respect are the building blocks of a great relationship! When two people can understand each other when faced with conflict and consider the other person's feelings along with their own interests, there's so much that can be achieved.

Let's communicate sincerely!

Arguing and cold-shouldering are definitely not the way to go when it comes to resolving conflicts! When we face conflict, if we get too emotional, we may lose our rationality and say hurtful things. So, it's definitely better to give the other person some time to calm down, then face the problem together and express your needs sincerely!

Be understanding!

Maintaining a relationship is not easy. But it's worth it! Long-lasting and harmonious relationships require mutual understanding from both sides. Don't be too concerned about the gains and losses. Instead, learn to put yourself in the other person's shoes. After all, the other person is not an enemy, but someone you love dearly. And giving in for the sake of love is not a sign of defeat. It's a sign of love!

Embrace the power of change!

Many conflicts arise because we always expect the other person to act in the way we want, thinking that our way is the only right way. We ignore the other person's feelings and deny individual differences, which is a sign of disrespect. But there's a better way! We can change ourselves and become better, rather than trying to change the other person into the ideal partner.

?

The world and I love you!

Hello, question asker.

It seems like you're in a relationship where you argue a lot. On the one hand, you love each other and still have feelings for each other.

On the other hand, when you're caught in a quarrel, you feel helpless and powerless, and you feel more and more hopeless, right?

I'm curious. You've been together for three years. When did the arguments become frequent and lead to a breakup?

If you really believe that your thinking and personalities are too different, what has kept you together for so long?

Firstly, I'd like to say:

People who truly love each other can open up their mental space through arguing, which helps the other person understand themselves better.

If there's no love, arguing is just a way to avoid taking responsibility for breaking up!

Let's start with the issue of distance between partners.

I'm not sure if you're in a relationship or just dating, but either way, couples have a different concept of space.

Men should be a bit more tolerant of personal space, but unfortunately, they often struggle to maintain the right intimate distance with their partners.

They feel awkward when they're too close and alienated when they're too far apart.

Women have a lot of mixed feelings about space. They need more space than men do, especially inside.

It's because they have more feelings and imagination. In reality, women tend to take the opposite approach, making it difficult to understand them.

What they don't realize is that when they get closer, women tend to become more sensitive and vulnerable.

Let's talk about arguments.

Men often make the mistake of thinking that women are irrational when they argue.

And don't forget that women's "arguments" are often more like flirting. So, when arguing, reason is often unnecessary.

Women tend to need the language of love more to calm them down.

Eastern women tend to express love through complaining and blaming. When a woman complains for no reason,

This is a great chance for men to read between the lines and understand what their partners really want.

You can even read tenderness in a lover's complaint.

Let's talk about breaking up.

A quarrel can be a chance for newlyweds to work through their differences. If a couple in love can't even get past a disagreement,

How can you stay together until you're old?

Just a quick tip for you:

(1) Emotions are what drive women to speak up, but talking doesn't always mean there's clarity on both sides. When there's a deadlock,

It's best not to use words. What's more, expressions, posture, gestures, behavior, and attitude are more important than words. That's because non-verbal communication

It's usually pretty easy to understand.

(2) If you have to win an argument with words, you need to be aware of which part of yourself is being touched and how it makes you feel.

It's important to let your anger out and then get to the truth through debate.

I'm Consultant Yao. I'm here to support you and help in any way I can!

Hello. I can tell you still care about each other, you're just having a rough patch. I hope you stick together.

You're going through a rough patch in your relationship. We all get scared of conflict and contradiction. It's human nature. Try to accept this part of you. We just have expectations for each other and a common goal. But right now, we've hit a wall, and we're facing the current problems head-on. At the same time, we're also prone to confusing people with things. We define you by my expectations of you and the results of your accomplishments. In fact, we love the person on the other side. External behavior is just a part of him, and it doesn't represent the whole of him.

When we step out of this situation, it's easier for us to be accepting.

In fact, in an intimate relationship, every conflict we handle well will make us feel more positive about each other. First, we have to accept that people are different, and second, there are differences between people.

Since there are differences, it's easy to end up in conflict. What we need to do next is not forget our original intentions and work together to move towards integration. In this stage, we can explore how to be in agreement with each other in an open manner. The first thing to practice in this process is to stabilize ourselves, not to be stirred by the other person's actions or words. There is a voice inside that says, "I am still me, and I still deeply love you."

We're just having a bit of a rough patch, but it'll be fine.

I see what you're going through, and I want to give you a hug.

When we're grounded in the present, we can make better decisions.

I wish you all the best.

Hello, question asker! I can see you're sad, distressed, and worried.

The questioner seems like a responsible boyfriend who wants the relationship to work. He loves his girlfriend but needs to learn how to resolve conflicts.

1. "The relationship is actually quite good. However, we have been repeatedly going through arguments, misunderstandings, and cold wars. It would be painful for anyone to really separate, but we are both very tired of constantly fighting. Therefore, she has pushed me away, wanting to let go of me and for me to meet someone better. Just last night, she once again proposed breaking up. I cried and begged her to stay, but I also feel that this relationship is hopeless."

Your relationship with your girlfriend is strong, but you have different personalities. How can you resolve these differences? How can you communicate to reach a consensus?

We all have different personalities and perceptions, so it takes time to get along. It's okay to disagree with your partner if you think you're right. This is a common mistake in relationships. When you want to argue, take a deep breath and find a time to discuss things calmly.

(2) The questioner is helpless, being pushed away by his girlfriend. It feels terrible to be abandoned.

2. "I don't know what to do. She said she won't do it anymore. Where should our relationship go? Do I want to hear her give up on this relationship completely?"

There's no solution.

There are ways to make it work, but you have to be willing to work together. Learn about each other's thoughts, actions, feelings, etc. She also needs to learn and understand you. This will take time. If it doesn't work, find a counselor. A joint counseling session will help.

The situation presents two individuals in a romantic relationship who are experiencing change-14921.html" target="_blank">distress due to the inability to maintain the relationship. It is my intention to provide an analysis of the circumstances and offer potential solutions.

The current problem is not a lack of love between the two parties, but rather a lack of understanding of how to love. Despite being together for almost three years, the relationship has remained relatively stable. However, due to the differences in personalities and ways of thinking, the couple has spent a significant amount of time engaged in conflict, arguing, and experiencing periods of discord. In many cases, individuals cite differences in worldviews as a primary reason for ending a relationship. However, this does not appear to be the case in this situation.

As long as the values guiding the relationship are sound, it is possible to address and resolve any issues that arise. However, it is unclear whether the motivation to do so exists. Historically, individuals would repair torn clothing before continuing to wear it. Currently, however, people often lack the patience to do so. Instead, they discard the item and replace it with something new.

However, feelings are not analogous to clothing. Even if a new garment is worn for several years, it will inevitably become worn and frayed. It is therefore unlikely that it will be discarded.

It is acknowledged that the relationship is based on personality and thinking. While personality is not easily changeable, it is acknowledged that it can influence each other.

It is not uncommon to observe that couples who have been together for an extended period of time begin to exhibit similar physical characteristics. This phenomenon can be attributed to the influence of each partner on the other.

Have you attempted to conduct a comprehensive analysis of each other's strengths and weaknesses with the objective of learning from one another? I postulate that when you initially encountered each other, you were drawn to each other's exceptional personalities. Is that quality still evident?

The question thus arises as to how this can be developed. Has the individual with a less advantageous personality profile recognized the necessity to enhance their attributes and undertaken any initiatives to rectify their deficiencies?

In terms of cognitive processes, there are two distinct categories: fixed and growth-oriented thinking. Individuals with a fixed cognitive style tend to adhere rigidly to their initial beliefs and are reluctant to alter them.

They demonstrate a lack of flexibility. The couple in question exhibits a tendency to engage in repeated conflicts over relatively trivial matters, yet they appear reluctant to identify and address the underlying issues that contribute to these conflicts.

Have you engaged in a comprehensive discourse on the matter? Or are you merely engaged in an emotionally charged conflict without attempting to identify a viable solution to the problem?

As there is no specific situation under discussion, it is not possible to analyse it in depth. It would be beneficial for you to learn to think in a growth-oriented way, to focus on the future, and to determine your common life goals. In order to achieve this, it is important to grow step by step, to develop yourself while overcoming difficulties and solving one life problem after another, to encourage each other, and to improve together.

In a family unit, the male is typically responsible for providing guidance, while the female assumes a more passive role. The male is often characterized as having a broad perspective and a big heart, while the female is regarded as intelligent, virtuous, tolerant, and honest. It is believed that only when these two roles are fulfilled can a harmonious and fulfilling life be achieved.

"It is accurate to conclude that both parties will experience distress if they are compelled to separate. A common assertion in the field of psychology is that the individual who is experiencing distress will undergo a change. You stated, "It is not that we no longer love each other, but that we are uncertain about our future course of action. She asserted that she is unwilling to continue with the situation, and it is evident that this is a challenging decision for her."

It is evident that both parties are experiencing distress, which indicates a need for change. The decision to seek assistance from professionals represents an initial step towards this transformation. It is notable that numerous individuals have provided suggestions and recommendations, which can be carefully considered to identify a suitable career path. It is essential to recognize that change begins with the first step taken. It is my conviction that with the right approach, a fulfilling and harmonious life can be achieved.

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, it appears that your time together has been spent in conflict and that you have not had any meaningful communication or understanding of each other's feelings.

In life, many things cannot be directly judged by right and wrong, especially in intimate relationships. It is possible that what you consider to be wrong is normal in her eyes, and what you do your best to prove yourself right is worthless in her eyes.

When one party in a relationship demands that the other behave in a manner that they consider to be "correct," the other party's feelings are often disregarded, leading to a sense of being unloved.

It is important to note that women require visibility and appreciation in a relationship. They also have a stronger need for emotional connection than men. Additionally, they anticipate that men will fulfill their emotional needs. Therefore, when a man disregards a woman's emotions and makes demands directly on a rational level, it is perceived as unacceptable, particularly when it takes the form of accusations, which can intensify her distress.

When a relationship encounters a challenge, both parties may experience negative emotions and adopt a rigid and inflexible pattern of interaction.

It is important to note that while debate on the merits of a particular course of action may be conducted using logic and reason, the foundation of intimacy is based on emotional connection. Attempting to assess a partner's actions through the lens of logic and morality may inadvertently lead to a sense of distance and detachment. As the adage goes, "Men argue about logic, women argue about feelings."

The root cause of a woman's distress often stems from the male partner's failure to acknowledge her deeper emotional needs. For instance, a woman may crave attention but may not explicitly express this desire. Instead, she may resort to accusing her partner and punishing him in ways that are not constructive. In such instances, the male partner may only perceive her anger and fail to recognize her underlying feelings, leading to a vicious cycle of reciprocating in the same manner.

In the event of a conflict in the relationship, it is essential for the man to be able to stabilize himself first, to avoid being confused by the other person's superficial emotions, and to utilize the power of emotions to penetrate the anger and accusations and gain insight into the true emotions.

When a woman's true needs are not met by a man, she should feel empowered to address her deep emotions directly. She can communicate with him clearly and directly about her expectations regarding love and care, as well as her preferences regarding treatment. She should also be open about how her feelings are affected by the situation.

From a logical standpoint, men will typically assert that they are correct and that women should not display anger. They may even accuse women of being overly emotional. However, focusing on right and wrong is merely a mental exercise. Relationship issues often arise because individuals tend to rely excessively on their minds, rather than their hearts, which can result in a lack of emotional connection with the other person.

Sometimes, a simple gesture like a loving hug or a heartfelt apology can be an effective solution. There is no need to approach matters in a way that is overly analytical or argumentative, as this can unnecessarily complicate the situation.

It is therefore important not to view negative emotions as an issue in a relationship, but rather as a key factor in transforming the relationship. It is essential to look beyond the surface of emotions to identify and address the underlying issues, thereby creating an opportunity to resolve conflicts and improve the relationship.

The foundation of an intimate relationship is an emotional connection between two individuals. Each partner is responsible for their own emotional well-being, capacity for emotional expression, and capacity to provide emotional support to the other.

I extend my warmest regards to you and the world. I hope this information is of assistance.

Hello, dear host! After three years of relationship, repeated quarrels, awkwardness, and cold wars, I realized that I was deeply hurting in this relationship. I felt like I had to choose to separate to end this pain. But I also knew that it would be even more painful to separate two people and then get back together, and then quarrel and go cold war again. I felt your pain and distress as well as the confusion.

If you can stay together for three years, it means there is love, and love can solve problems. Maybe what we need to adjust is the way we get along, the way we communicate, and the way we love each other.

Arguing and cold-shouldering are both forms of interpersonal (intimate) conflict. It's totally normal to have conflicts in your relationships! Psychologist Morton Deutsch has come up with a helpful way to think about these types of conflicts. He says there are five main types: parallel conflicts, misplaced conflicts, misattributed conflicts, potential conflicts, and false conflicts. No matter what type you're dealing with, it can be stressful and cause tension. But the good news is that if you can resolve it effectively, it can help you feel better and bring you closer to the other person. It can even help you grow mentally!

It's totally normal to feel negative emotions when we're dealing with conflict. These emotions can sometimes prevent us from thinking clearly and rationally. So, it's no surprise that most of us will adopt one of the following strategies when we're facing a challenge:

1. Confrontational: At all costs, get rid of the other party.

2. Avoidance type: Pretend it doesn't exist.

3. The abandonment type: just give up.

4. Victim type: plays the victim and complains everywhere.

5. Shirking responsibility: Blame everyone else.

From what the landlord said, it seems like the other person is more into the third approach, which is direct abandonment. So, which approach did the landlord choose? Unfortunately, none of these approaches are helpful for dealing with conflict in relationships. They can actually make things worse and lead to a vicious cycle because they all have one thing in common: they prioritize one's own feelings over maintaining the relationship between the two parties.

?1. Confrontational: We all want to win sometimes, but when we do, we forget that we're talking to our loved ones. It's easy to think that winning means losing love, but that's not true.

?2. I think we can all relate to this one! We've all been there. Avoidance and resignation are two ways we can avoid facing problems and the psychological pressure, tension, and negative emotions that come with conflict.

?3. The victim type: This type of person tends to complain a lot, which can make people around him feel like he's innocent, that he's sacrificed a lot, and that he's ungrateful. But is that really the case?

4. Shirking responsibility: It's clear that people who choose this approach don't want to invest their thoughts and energy in maintaining the relationship. They don't want to think about how to improve the relationship and take action themselves, right?

☘️☘️☘️So, how can we resolve conflicts properly to bring two people closer together?

☘️1. Only get into conflicts with people you care about.

I've learned that people close to us sometimes have disagreements, but that's okay! We can discuss, negotiate, and even learn from each other. As the saying goes, it's not a good idea to compete with those who are on a different level than us. It might not be the most appropriate place to say this, but I think the meaning is similar.

☘️2. Deal with it as soon as possible: avoid procrastination, as it will only make the problem worse. After an argument, wait until both sides have calmed down, then find the other person as soon as possible, give them a hug, and communicate calmly. If you need to, apologize, offer comfort, and give them a little nudge in the right direction.

☘️3. Try to understand each other first, and don't worry about getting approval. It's okay to have different views and actions, and it's more important to connect with each other than to get everyone to agree.

☘️4. It's always a good idea to clarify the issue and focus on what the problem really is. It's also helpful to listen to both sides and try to understand each other's concerns. Sometimes, lovers and couples argue about different things, and it's easy to get caught up in your emotions and not listen to what the other person is saying. So, take a moment to really listen to each other and try to understand each other's perspectives.

☘️5. Give the other person a chance to respond: Let the other person express their feelings and thoughts, and listen carefully. Sometimes, the other person may not be able to express themselves clearly, so you can try to confirm with the other person what their feelings and thoughts are, to make sure you understand. It is really important to understand the other person, and they will appreciate you taking the time to do so.

☘️6. Reach a consensus: It's time to come together and find a way to resolve the conflict. Let's reach a consensus on what should be done in the future and put it into action. We love each other, and we're willing to put in the effort to make each other happy and ourselves happier. Let's do this together!

⏰⏰⏰Hey there! Just a quick reminder: important things are said three times! ?

⏰Remember the key issue: Do you put the importance of maintaining this relationship first, or your own feelings first!

⏰Remember the key issue: Do you put the importance of maintaining this relationship first, or your own feelings first!

Remember, the most important thing is to put the importance of maintaining this relationship first, rather than your own feelings.

You both put the importance of maintaining this relationship first, and you have a consensus and a unified goal. Next, let's discuss how you can act in unison to adjust your speech, behavior, and habits for this relationship. Instead of venting your emotions, satisfying your desire to win or lose, or simply giving up, let's try to find a solution together. There are constant arguments and conflicts in every relationship. You can't just switch people when you argue, right?

Tell a story and experience it together!

It was a scorching summer day. The father rushed back to the hotel room with his two daughters, who had just finished playing. They were both feeling the effects of too much soda and needed to use the bathroom. The two sisters had a bit of a disagreement about who should go first. They started off by arguing loudly, then they started pushing each other around and even called each other hurtful names. They were still unable to resolve the issue, so they asked their father for help.

"Dad, I got there first!"

"But I'm feeling a bit more anxious than you."

"How do you know I'm not in a hurry? You're not me, after all."

I didn't get a chance to go to the bathroom when I left the house this morning.

"Oh, you're so selfish!"

The father gives his solution: "Girls, you need to solve this problem yourselves. Sooner or later, one of you will decide to go first. I have one rule: no fighting. Besides, think about which is more important: this problem in front of you or your happy companionship?"

After about half an hour, the father finally heard the sound of the toilet flushing. He asked with a warm smile, "Do you know how many times each of you could have gone to the bathroom during the time you were arguing?"

First, we need to resolve the problem. And second, we want to make sure you're both happy! If the older or younger sibling thinks that it doesn't matter who goes to the bathroom first, that it's important not to make the other person feel bad, and that it's more important for the two of you to get along happily than who goes to the bathroom first, we can solve this in one minute!

"

This is how two children handle it, but I'd like to ask you all a question: do we sometimes value our wins and losses and our emotions more than maintaining our relationships?

In his wonderful book Win-Win, Maxwell makes a great point: people are always more important than simple things. Whether it's wealth, position, power, or schedule, they are all temporary, but people are forever.

You can build a beautiful house, but it might fall into disrepair over time.

We all have dreams of a good career, but it will eventually come to an end.

We all know that you can save a lot of money, but the sad truth is that you can't take it with you when you die.

We all know that time has a way of taking things away from us. It's something that can happen to anyone, even those who are in the prime of life today.

And then, you can be proud of all you've achieved, but there'll always be someone who'll do it better than you.

Nothing in this world is more important than people. The beauty of a win-win relationship is that it can be formed in all areas of life and in all kinds of relationships: between parents and children, between husband and wife, between friends, and in business partnerships. The next time you have a fight, remember to ask yourself, "What are you doing?" Are you hurting each other? Are you trying to win? Are you venting? Or are you trying to make your relationship closer and more loving? I hope this helps. If you find it useful, remember to bring her along to read the above response together, because a good relationship needs to be managed by both parties.