Is what my mother-in-law does excessive, or am I sensitive? Can you accept her behavior?

My dear, it's not that you're sensitive, it's that the other person has a low emotional quotient. Such people can only feel relieved when they can lash out at the right time. If they really don't know when to stop and do it again and again, they will explode in silence. If you don't say anything, the other person will never know where your bottom line is — so let's find out together!

Your attitude is the key to your success! It determines how much you're willing to put into a task or a person. There are three main factors that influence your attitude: emotion, understanding, and interests. If you want to help someone have a positive attitude, focus on these three areas: spending time together to build up emotions, communicating to gain understanding, and fighting for the other person's interests.

But from this incident, I don't actually know what grudges she had with your parents in the past. But from the words she said, I know that she understands the meaning of karma, which is great! You can take advantage of this and say that death is the end of everything, and please the other person to be kind, which is a wonderful opportunity!

It's great that you've been trying to keep your family together and your relationship with your husband strong. If you want to, you can try using the techniques of Nonviolent Communication when the time is right. Talk about your feelings and ask your husband to put himself in your shoes. If losing a loved one is hard, think about how your husband would react if he knew you were talking about it even though it's painful. What can you do to make things better? Look for ways to feel better. Don't attack or judge the person who said those things. Just point out how those actions make you feel.

Being sensitive means you're aware of how your words and actions affect others. It's about being mindful of your words and actions in specific situations. For example, when you're emotionally vulnerable after losing a loved one, you might find yourself being dragged time and time again to face the pain head-on before you have recovered from it. Being sensitive means you're aware of this and you're working on ways to avoid it.

The ancients had it right! You don't get angry when others don't know. It's all about understanding and compassion. If someone is unkind, you can still give them a suitable education in manners, even if they're an older person.

I empathize with your situation and understand your feelings. The loss of your father is a significant emotional challenge, and you are also navigating the complexities of your relationship with your husband's family. This is undoubtedly a substantial challenge for you.

The behavior of your husband's mother is inappropriate. She demonstrates a lack of respect for your feelings and a lack of basic compassion and respect in general. Her behavior causes you pain and has a negative impact on your children.

Accordingly, you are entitled to express your dissatisfaction and revulsion at her behavior.

However, it is important to handle this situation with caution and rationality. First, it is essential to communicate honestly with your husband and let him know how you feel and what bothers you.

He should consider your perspective and express his disapproval and criticism of his mother's behavior in an appropriate manner. Concurrently, he must collaborate with you to identify a solution to the problem, thereby ensuring that this situation does not continue to have a negative impact on your mental health and family relationships.

Secondly, it may be advisable to maintain a certain distance from your husband's family to avoid direct conflicts and contradictions. Should the situation require it, you may wish to discuss with your husband the possibility of temporarily avoiding direct confrontation with his mother by not going to his home for a period of time.

Finally, it is important to prioritize your own mental health and identify strategies for stress and negative emotion management. This may include seeking professional psychological counseling, communicating with friends and family, or engaging in relaxing activities.

In summary, you have the right to safeguard your interests and those of your family. It is not acceptable to be compelled to tolerate inappropriate behavior and language. At the same time, the situation must be addressed in a prudent and appropriate manner to maintain harmony and stability within the family unit.

Dear questioner,

I can understand your sadness at your father's passing, your grief, the frustration caused by your mother-in-law's actions, and your husband's apparent lack of engagement.

From what I can gather from your description, it seems that you possess the qualities of tolerance and generosity.

1. You did not allow any resentments you may have had towards your parents and in-laws, or the passing of your father, to influence your decision to return to your mother-in-law's house with your husband and children during the Spring Festival.

2. Your mother-in-law has on numerous occasions transgressed your personal boundaries. You are reluctant to engage in conflict and would prefer to avoid confrontation. Consequently, you tend to internalize these issues and suffer in silence.

3. It appears that you may be struggling to assert your boundaries in the face of your husband's apparent indifference.

Although you have been putting up with it, it seems that no one truly understands you, offers you comfort, or gives you a sense of warmth. What can you do to improve the situation?

First, it might be helpful to start with your husband. You could try communicating well with him, telling him you feel aggrieved, and hoping to get support from him. You might also consider communicating with your mother-in-law indirectly through your husband, which could help avoid confronting her directly and show your respect for her.

Secondly, it is important to find a balance between being assertive and being too weak. You can respond to things that are important to you, and it doesn't necessarily mean arguing. You can appropriately point it out or show it through your behavior. It is possible that your listening to your mother-in-law may have inadvertently given her more freedom to speak her mind, and your husband may not have taken her comments seriously.

It would be beneficial to consider appropriate forms of resistance.

If communication with your in-laws is truly impossible, you might consider seeking help from other relatives and friends in the family. They could potentially serve as mediators and help you to open up to each other, which might promote harmony in the family.

It is worth noting that the harmony and happiness of a family requires the joint efforts of everyone, and it also takes time to change. As long as there is a desire to change and a willingness to work towards it, it is possible to see some results.

Give the poster a hug.

Losing a loved one is hard. I'm sorry you've been going through a rough time. Sending hugs your way.

Your mother-in-law's words were inappropriate and didn't take your feelings into account. We can't control others, but we can control ourselves.

The key is to address your emotional response to your mother-in-law.

You blame your mother-in-law, but you're trying to suppress your emotions because of the Spring Festival and other reasons. You're unhappy because you're still grieving and feeling pressure.

You can face your feelings, see them, express them, and do what you think is right.

If your mother-in-law asks you to wear red on New Year's Eve, you could say, "I'm not in the mood to wear red yet. If you mind, I can skip the New Year's visits."

If your mother-in-law asks about your child, you can say, "I haven't thought about how to tell the child yet."

It's a way of expressing your feelings to change the subject.

Be rational. Don't argue. They won't empathize. But express your emotions.

"I was so angry I couldn't sleep." This is caused by pent-up emotions, so you need to let them out. For example, tell your husband how you feel. He may not be able to criticize his mother, but he needs to understand why you refuse to go to his house. If he is still unhappy, you can say he hasn't experienced what you have and can't understand you. Your feelings are real, and you need time to heal.

People depend on each other. If he doesn't see your emotions and won't comfort you, you won't empathize with his feelings.

I'm Tianyang, a coach who helps people with their hearts. I hope you feel better in the new year.

Dear questioner, My name is Duoduo Lian, and it is my hope that my reply will prove helpful to you.

From your description, it is evident that you are enduring a great deal. You have repeatedly endured scoldings from your mother-in-law for the sake of maintaining family harmony. Most individuals would have already reached their limit and responded in a more aggressive manner. It is therefore pertinent to inquire as to the source of your resilience.

Spending the Chinese New Year with one's in-laws, a considerable distance away, is traditionally considered a joyful occasion. However, in this case, the mother-in-law in question has demonstrated a proclivity for causing distress, exhibiting a marked inclination to exert control and pushing the daughter-in-law to her limits. It is reasonable to inquire as to the extent of her frustration. The daughter-in-law was treated in a manner that was akin to being a punching bag. There must be a reason behind this.

Anger is a manifestation of unmet needs. Given your positive relationship with your father, you may be inclined to express your frustration with your mother-in-law. However, the nature of the relationship between your parents-in-law and your parents is unclear, and this frustration may be transferred to you. It is important to recognize that you are carrying your mother-in-law's emotions, relieving her of pressure, and avoiding arguments to maintain harmony within the family. It seems that you are experiencing a disproportionate level of distress.

Your husband has never accused your mother-in-law of any wrongdoing. However, his demeanor when you decline to visit his family's residence is notably unhappy. In crucial moments, your husband's position is severely constrained, and as his wife, you are particularly vulnerable.

It is unclear whether your husband is aware of the specifics of the situation or if he is merely obedient to his mother's wishes. It is a universal experience to have parents and to care about them.

The surface-level dynamics are intricately linked and entangled in a complex web of relationships. Regardless of the circumstances, the anger exhibited by a mother-in-law is often an expression of her own powerlessness. She may harbor negative feelings towards herself, experience repression within her own world, and have a significant accumulation of unresolved emotions. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that your feelings are also genuine, and it is essential to express them in a constructive manner to prevent them from becoming overwhelming.

In the absence of your father, it is imperative that you prioritize your well-being, address your grievances, recognize your limitations, and acknowledge your inability to perform certain tasks. Even in the absence of external support, it is crucial to maintain self-awareness and prioritize your health and happiness.

I extend my best wishes to you.

My dear friend, I can feel your dilemma and the pain you are going through. Losing a loved one is difficult enough, but when this is coupled with strained family relationships and a lack of support, and when you are seeking comfort and understanding in a complex family relationship, it is undoubtedly a great test of your emotional resilience. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you all the love and support you need.

I'm so impressed by your patience and strength in the face of this situation! You really need to be understood and supported in these moments.

Empathy is the wonderful ability to understand and feel the emotions and perspectives of others. Your mother-in-law may not realize how much her words hurt you, which may be due to her lack of empathy for your feelings.

Meanwhile, your husband may also be trying to balance the relationships on both sides, but that doesn't mean that the way he handles the problem is correct. I know it can be tricky!

The situation you describe has a lot of different parts to it, including family relationships, cultural differences, and how you handle your own emotions. In some cultures, bright red clothing is a symbol of happiness and good fortune. Maybe your mother-in-law wanted you to wear red out of respect for tradition or out of concern for you, but such behavior is particularly sensitive and inappropriate when you are grieving the loss of a loved one.

I can see how the references to "good karma" and "bad karma" in her comments might have been an attempt to express traditional philosophies or moral values, but I can also see how they might have come across as unintentionally offensive to you.

I can see how her asking about your children might have touched on some unhealed wounds. It's totally understandable that you're feeling angry, sad, and lonely in this situation.

I can imagine that the pain of losing a loved one and your mother-in-law's insensitive behavior may have caused you to feel anger, sadness, and loneliness. It's so understandable! Your attitude of "bearing with it" may be a self-protection mechanism that helps you maintain harmonious family relationships during this special period.

It's so important to remember that prolonged suppression and forbearance may have a negative impact on your mental health.

It's so important to communicate in this situation. You can find a good time to have an open conversation with your husband and your mother-in-law.

It's so important to express your feelings, let them know where your boundaries are, and how their words and actions affect you. And don't forget to take care of your emotional and physical health!

Please don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals. You are not alone, and there are so many people and resources that can help.

As for the question you mentioned, whether you can accept your mother-in-law's behavior, this is a very personal question. Everyone feels and reacts differently, and there is no right answer. You're the best judge of what's right for you!

It's so important to find a way to handle these relationships while maintaining your dignity and self-worth.

Asking for help is a sign of courage and the first step towards healing. I really hope you can find inner peace and gradually emerge from this difficult period. In these difficult times,

Every effort deserves to be seen, and every drop of sweat deserves to be respected. And feedback, attention, and praise are not only a form of recognition, but also an incentive!

This kind of feedback is like spring rain nourishing our hearts, giving us more motivation to pursue excellence and create more value.

I'd highly recommend reading "Nonviolent Communication" if you get a chance!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

Before we got married, we thought that marriage and relationships were just about us as a couple. But after we got married, we realized that when our parents get involved, it can affect not only our relationship with them, but also our relationship with each other.

Let's get the parents involved again.

Facing the sudden death of her father has caused the questioner a great deal of pain. It was so sudden that, even though she knows it is a fact, she still cannot accept the tragic news.

She knew her emotions wouldn't return to normal in a short period of time, so she put her husband's feelings first. As the New Year approached, she followed her husband across 2,000 kilometers to spend the holiday with his parents.

The questioner's parents have always had a rocky relationship with her husband's parents. They don't have much contact, but there are a lot of issues between them. Even if the questioner and her husband, as their children, want to resolve the conflicts, it's not easy. It's their problem, and they're unable and unwilling to solve it themselves. It's not something others can easily change.

There's a boldness behind the behavior that's pushing the boundaries.

The incident that upset the questioner was when her mother-in-law asked her to wear bright red clothes on New Year's Eve, which the questioner refused. The questioner's mother-in-law then asked if it was because her father had not yet passed away for 100 days. The deceased was greater. The questioner's mother-in-law's question was inappropriate and hurt the questioner's feelings. When facing the death of the people closest to you, it always takes time to slowly accept it.

The question asker's mother-in-law has been engaging in other excessive behavior as well. When she calls, she speaks in a strange voice, saying that people should accumulate good deeds and that if you are too evil, you will suddenly die. She deliberately asks her four-year-old grandson what happened to his deceased grandfather. All of her behavior shows that the question asker's mother-in-law is doing this on purpose. She wants to get the question asker's attention through her actions to influence the question asker's mood.

The wife's status in the family is up to her husband. When his mother's acting out, the question owner's husband knows but doesn't say anything. It could be said that the question owner's husband's attitude has allowed the question owner's mother-in-law to harm the question owner even more recklessly.

Can you accept her doing this?

Dealing with an overbearing mother-in-law who makes cold comments about her deceased relatives is tough.

It would be helpful to understand the situation better. I don't know what happened between the questioner's parents and her husband's parents that caused the questioner's mother-in-law to be unable to let go of her attacks on the questioner even after learning of the death of the questioner's father. It seems like she just wants to understand her grievances.

From what we can see, the mother-in-law is trying to hurt the questioner and test her. But the more she does this, the more it shows that she can't face her own negative emotions.

She thought that hurting others would help her release her emotions and solve problems, but she didn't realize that the wrong approach not only failed to release her emotions, but also distorted her state of mind, trapping her in the past and preventing her from moving forward.

☀️Be clear about your attitude: When her mother-in-law was being hurtful, the questioner didn't make it clear what she thought. This allowed the mother-in-law to bring up the unacceptable facts again and again. The most important thing was the strange and abusive way she spoke about the questioner's deceased father.

First, the questioner needs to make her attitude clear to her husband and let him know his responsibility. Even though adults have conflicts, they're still their parents at the end of the day. The questioner respects his parents, but does he respect the questioner's parents?

As a son and a husband, he should speak up and stop his mother's outrageous behavior. It would have been more appropriate for him to show his attitude and defend the questioner. Only when he shows his attitude and defends the questioner will his mother restrain her excessive words and actions.

☀️Value yourself: The questioner didn't want to argue, so she didn't say much about her mother-in-law's hurtful behavior. She didn't want to go back to her mother-in-law's house, but in the end, with her husband looking unhappy, she chose to go back together with him. When she was in a bad mood and needed to vent, she chose to suppress her true emotions, just to temporarily get along and be quiet.

From one thing to another, the questioner is always backing down and putting himself in a difficult position. But his intentions are not appreciated; they're ignored and trampled on. Even if he wants to become the standard in their hearts, they still have many grievances against him. If that's the case, why make things so difficult for himself?

It's important to value yourself, see yourself, and learn to be assertive with unreasonable people. Your emotions are a good guide, and you should have the courage to stand up for yourself and not be afraid of being hated. Be yourself, and become the person you want to be, not the person you think you should be.

I hope my answer is helpful to the original poster. Best of luck!

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

Firstly, it is important to understand the concept of boundaries. This entails knowing the boundaries of others and knowing one's own boundaries. The boundaries between people distinguish you from others.

In family relationships, it is not necessary to accept all aspects of the relationship with one's mother-in-law. It is sufficient to accept those aspects that make one feel comfortable. Similarly, it is unreasonable to expect others to buy into all one's demands. It would be more productive to focus on getting along in a mutually suitable area. The differences between people determine the different overlapping parts of us, which also determine the boundaries of our interpersonal relationships.

Sometimes we are reluctant to offend others, sometimes we are hesitant to damage relationships, sometimes we avoid potential risks, and sometimes we feel that we are overthinking things and ignoring the signs that our boundaries are being violated. We are afraid to establish and maintain our own boundaries and are reluctant to protect ourselves.

It would be beneficial to reflect on the situation that occurred during the Chinese New Year. What were your thoughts about what your mother-in-law said and did? What emotions and feelings did it evoke in you?

Additionally, it would be beneficial to ascertain whether our interactions with the mother-in-law have caused us any offence, and to identify the precise nature of our feelings in this regard.

It would be beneficial to consider how we would respond if we were to hear similar words and deeds from the mother-in-law and feel similarly uncomfortable.

It is important to protect yourself from relying on others, as the principle of subject separation means that we cannot control what the mother-in-law says or does. While we cannot expect the mother-in-law to know her place, we can take the initiative to establish our own boundaries and clearly express our discomfort when we are being violated. If necessary, we can use some warning words and methods.

First, we should have a conversation with my husband. Given the improved dynamics within the nuclear family, this is an opportune time to address the recurring issues with my mother-in-law. It is essential to communicate honestly about the discomfort of repeatedly having boundaries violated when interacting with my mother-in-law and to seek solutions. Additionally, it is valuable to listen to my husband's insights on past experiences with my mother-in-law and her perception of me.

Open communication can not only facilitate the release of pent-up emotions but also foster a deeper understanding of the mother-in-law and contribute to a positive development of the relationship.

Next, we will discuss the concept of acceptance. It is important to recognize that everyone has imperfections and aspects of themselves that they may not want to confront. These are often referred to as one's "dark side." It is not uncommon for people in our lives to be unable or unwilling to accept these aspects of ourselves. This can lead us to put on a mask and present a version of ourselves that is more socially acceptable. However, this can result in feelings of exhaustion and a desire to break free from these patterns.

As the original poster describes, when listening to my mother-in-law's harsh words, I refrain from engaging in a lengthy discussion and avoid arguing with her in order to spare the children, but I am so angry that I am unable to sleep at night.

It would be beneficial to identify the underlying need that causes us to refrain from engaging in critical thinking when we encounter certain words or actions from our mother-in-law. Similarly, it would be helpful to understand the underlying need that causes us to avoid confrontation.

If you are experiencing anger and insomnia, what is the underlying need that requires attention?

It may also be helpful to consider what an ideal mother-in-law would be like and what changes could be made to interactions with her.

When we are clear about our needs, it allows us to view the relationship with our mother-in-law in a more constructive light.

It is always possible to be aware of our emotions, attempt to reconcile with them, and when negative emotions such as anger and anxiety arise, promptly say "stop," take a deep breath, and observe them without any judgment. Allow the emotions to come and go freely like clouds, and drift away slowly like leaves in the water. Concurrently, you may wish to record what you are feeling at the moment.

Please feel free to write about your feelings in an honest and open manner. This will help us to gain insight into the origins and effects of our emotions, as well as to identify the root of the problem.

It is also advisable to seek assistance, given the difficulty in immediately overcoming this issue. It is recommended to identify a family member or friend who can provide positive support and guidance. Should the need arise, it is possible to consult with a counselor or join a support group, as emotional distress can be alleviated through constructive outlets.

It is also important to affirm and empower yourself. While it is not possible to change other people, changing oneself is the only way to grow. It would be beneficial to spend more time with your husband and children, and to maintain the harmony and warmth of your family unit. The relationship within the nuclear family is always the most important, followed by the relationship between the daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law.

I would like to suggest the book Nonviolent Communication as a recommended read.

I think it's fair to say that many people would feel hurt and disrespected in the situation you describe. The actions and comments of your mother-in-law, especially during the time when you were grieving the death of your father, do seem to lack compassion and sensitivity.

It's totally normal to feel pain, anger, and a lack of support in these situations. When dealing with family relationships and emotional issues, it can be helpful to consider the following points:

It's important to communicate effectively.

Try to find a good time to talk to your mother-in-law about how her comments have made you feel. Explain why they hurt you and say how you'd like to get along in the future.

It can be tough, but sometimes talking directly to the person can help them understand how their actions affect you.

2. Get some support from your partner.

Have a good, long chat with your partner about how you're feeling and what you need. Let him know how important he is to you as your closest person.

Talk about how you can handle this family stress together.

3. Set some boundaries.

Think about setting some healthy boundaries to protect yourself from harm. This could mean refusing to take part or leaving early in certain situations, or clearly telling someone that disrespectful comments are not okay.

4. Managing your personal emotions

It's important to find healthy ways to process and release emotions. This could be through exercise, journaling, creative arts, or talking with trusted friends and family. If you need further support, you can also seek the help of a professional counselor.

5. Get some professional advice.

Sometimes it can be helpful to seek professional advice or therapy when dealing with complex family relationships. Professionals can provide tools and strategies to help you deal with these challenges more effectively.

Don't forget, you have the right to be treated with respect and to get the support you need. It's important to take care of your emotional and mental health during this process.

I hope you can find a way to improve both yourself and your family relationships.