Is your sensitivity and personality related to the way you were raised by your parents?

Family: It's totally normal for a family to have problems. Every family has its own unique challenges, and happy families are probably similar, while unhappy families are each unhappy in their own way. It's only natural to long for a happy family, and everyone has this expectation. You've already passed childhood and entered adolescence, and you have the amazing ability to solve problems that you couldn't solve before. I would love to suggest that you start managing your own life, enriching it, having clear goals, and setting realistic goals for yourself, preparing for the future, and not wasting time. Don't waste your precious prime of life growing up on some emotional problems and other problems.

Family relationships: The best education is a father who is kind but strict, and a mother who is strict but loving. The best family model is for parents to love each other and have moderate expectations of their children. It's important to remember that you can't change your parents; they have their own paths to follow and their own karma to bear. We're all just passengers on the train of life, and we can only accompany each other for a while. When the train arrives at the station, we must get off. In other words, we can only accompany each other for a limited time.

It's so important for young people today to embrace their individuality while also showing respect for their parents.

Communication with parents: Talking to your parents is really important. I think you'll find the book "Nonviolent Communication" and the "Observe-Feel-Need-Request" communication model really helpful. Learning to communicate will not only bring you family harmony, but also great success and happiness in your career, giving you an advantage over others, especially your competitors.

Growth issues: It's great that the questioner chose to seek help here when they encountered problems. Learning to ask for help is an important thing and an important skill. It also means that the questioner has already learned the important skill of "showing weakness." Parents are not others; showing weakness to them and asking them for help will lead to a better relationship. If young people are humble and willing to learn, they will know more.

Growing up is all about making up for your shortcomings, developing your strengths, and constantly striving to improve.

Summary: Good family relationships require everyone to work together to nurture them, but everyone has their own life and needs to face their own life alone. It's important to maintain your independence. Communication is very important and requires hard work and learning, as well as learning to ask for help from others.

Learning is a wonderful, endless journey that lasts a lifetime. By learning from the best, we can break through our limitations, grow, and live our best lives.

Hello! I'm sending you a warm hug from afar.

I am grateful for the opportunity to read your request for help. I hope that my insights can provide you with the support and guidance you need. I commend you for recognizing the impact of your upbringing on your current situation. Awareness is the first step towards positive change.

You are right. The way a person is treated determines how they treat themselves and others. Your description shows that during your growth process, you lacked affirmation, acceptance, understanding, and support. This made you feel a strong sense of fear and unease about not being loved and being disliked. As a child, you knew that your parents were treating you this way because you were not good enough or had done something wrong. However, out of your instinctive loyalty and love for your parents, you interpreted this emotional abuse and neglect as a result of your not doing well enough and not meeting their expectations. This unintentionally planted the seeds of inferiority, lack of confidence, and self-rejection in your heart.

If you did not pay much attention to this part of your growth process and try to heal the trauma on your own, you will bring the inferiority, lack of confidence, and self-acceptance that you have had since childhood into your adult relationships. You will be extra sensitive, especially to accidents, to other people's comments and attitudes towards you, and you will dare not be true to yourself in relationships and express your feelings and needs.

When you have a certain degree of self-awareness of this part of the trauma in your growth, you can and should try to heal through your own active learning and growth under the guidance of this self-awareness. The learner treats himself in the way he desires to be treated.

You should read A Life Not Controlled by Your Parents, Family Awakening, and Overcoming the Mountain in Your Heart.

I am Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.

Thank you for asking! Let's take a quick look at your situation.

/Overview/

When the questioner was a child, his parents often fought, and they were strict with him. Once, you tried to cheer your mother up, but you were scolded instead, which left a bit of a mark.

It's so sad to hear that your mother has a history of unjustly accusing you and hitting you. It's also tough to hear that your father is strict and dominant.

Let's take a closer look at the situation together. Analysis:

I. Family upbringing model.

From what you've told me, it seems like your parenting style is quite authoritarian and conflict-oriented.

1. Authoritarian.

It's so sad when parents lack love and patience, and their management style is harsh. It can really take a toll on the parent-child relationship, making it one of command and obedience.

It's totally normal for kids to feel this way! They might lack trust, be on the wary side, have low self-esteem, be passive, irritable, overly dependent on obedience, or rebel against authority.

2. Conflict type:

Family members may have some tense and unharmonious relationships, and the family atmosphere might not be as functional as it could be. It's also possible that value orientations are inconsistent. Children may lack a sense of security, be weak-willed, or have some other challenging behaviors, like lying, being highly rebellious, or having antisocial tendencies.

Just a heads-up, these are just examples. Everyone's performance is different and determined by multiple factors.

2. Personality

Personality definition: This is how we describe the typical psychological qualities and behavioral tendencies that are formed by the interaction of heredity and environment.

A sensitive personality may be the result of a combination of genetic factors, family, school, and age characteristics.

A simple and harsh upbringing may have led you to develop a strict "superego." This just means that you have taken on your parents' expectations, whether they were realistic, reasonable, or considerate of your feelings.

Even when your parents are not around, your personality takes over the role of your parents. This may be the reason why you are constantly comparing yourself to others and mercilessly attacking yourself when you find yourself a little bit inferior. It's okay to feel this way, we all do!

And your comparisons are harsh. It's like they just run automatically without asking, without caring about your thoughts or feelings. It can make you feel like there's pressure and danger everywhere.

3. "Is it my problem?"

If you're talking about personality, I think the main cause is the parents.

It's totally normal to feel this way, especially now that you're facing the college entrance exam. It's natural to want to communicate with your parents to gain their understanding and comfort. It might be that they don't fully understand you, but I'm sure they love you and want to help.

If you can, it might be really helpful for you to go to the school's counseling room and see if the counselor there can help you.