It is difficult to refuse someone to their face. What should I do if I am always holding back?

Hello, landlord! I saw your description and I totally get how you feel. I often see cases like the one you described at work. I really hope that my sharing can help you!

Embrace the challenge of saying no! It's a rite of passage in life. Rejection is part of the journey, and it's nothing to be afraid of.

We live in a "people-oriented society" where it's not always easy to say no. When someone asks for help, it's natural to want to say yes. But sometimes, we find ourselves in a tricky situation...

Let's dive into the fascinating world of psychology to uncover the intriguing reasons behind our reluctance to refuse others.

You're afraid of hurting feelings and being thought of as unfaithful, which is totally understandable! We all have insecurities about interpersonal relationships. Rejection can hurt, and it can make the distance between you grow. But you're not going to lose a friend over it! You're going to be stronger for it.

In fact, many times it is just your own overactive imagination. San Mao once said: "Don't be afraid to refuse others. If your reasons are justified, when someone asks for something, they are already prepared for two answers, so it is to be expected that they will be given either one of them."

Embrace the opportunity to learn and grow from the arrangement made by your leader. Imagine one day you become a leader and encounter the same thing. How will you handle it?

It's important to remember that people who can't say no often have trouble accepting a no themselves. If you are rejected, it hurts a lot, but you can get through it!

I'd like to share a quote from the amazing Bi Shumin: "Refusing is a right. You are so easygoing, but who can understand you?"

Refusing is also a kind of ability, and the strength of this ability is closely related to whether you are strong inside. In other words, someone who is always unable to refuse others and dares not refuse others must be weak inside. On the contrary, someone who dares to refuse others must be strong inside, and that's something to be proud of!

So, remember, rejection and being rejected are just a normal part of life!

I also hope that each of us can be a person of inner strength and do what we can to meet the needs of others!

And remember, when you're turning someone down, you've got to be ready to take rejection in your stride!

I'm so excited to share my thoughts with you!

If you really understand someone, you'll find it's easy to share! I'm just talking to myself here.

If you're too kind and don't set any boundaries, it'll just encourage the other person to take advantage of you.

If you're not careful, unprincipled kindness will only allow the other person to do whatever they want.

From the movie The Godfather.

I'd like to share my thoughts on this matter in the hope that they'll shed some light on the issue for you.

In the workplace, it's polite to help others, but not your duty.

In many workplace dramas, we see some bosses who are really understanding and who make a big impression with their approach to managing people. In the actual workplace, such scenarios, or bosses with such awareness, are also rare and pitiful.

From their perspective, as long as you're at work and getting the job done, it's just business as usual. They'll probably think, "As long as you're able to work and get paid, you should be doing your assigned tasks."

If you really can't do it, you should say so. But if you don't, you have to do it. You feel that you are a pregnant woman, and you insist on coming to work with a big belly. Everyone should appreciate this, be moved by this, and have compassion for you, so that you are given every convenience or necessary care.

If you think this way, you're wrong. The workplace is always the workplace, not your warm and cozy home. Outside, no matter what time it is or what happens, you don't have a right to be helped by others, but they have a duty to help you if they can. There's never a question of whether or not you should be helped.

If someone asks you for help, you'll probably say yes, but if you ask someone for help, they might not agree.

Ideally, we should help others when they're in trouble and expect the same in return. But in practice, this kind of wishful thinking often leads to a cold heart.

But there's one thing we need to be aware of: with this kind of person, you can lose out once, but you can't afford to lose out a second time. If you lose out a lot, the whole family will come after you.

As the old saying goes, "bad people pick on the weak." I'm guessing that in your day-to-day work, you're pretty easy-going. You agree to others' requests without a second thought, even if you're not totally comfortable with it.

This can lead to others rejecting you when you make a request.

Since we came to this world, there have been differences in wealth and gender. But at the end of the day, we're all individuals with equal rights.

I don't know if you've noticed, but if you do something for a long time, it becomes a habit. This is true for good habits and bad habits alike.

You're afraid of offending people, and that makes you feel inferior and worthless. You think other people are better than you and always feel like you're not as good as others. You're afraid of refusing people, so you find it difficult to say "no." This is a hidden danger that can make you lose courage and increase resentment.

You'll start to feel like society and your colleagues owe you a lot. This resentment will stay in your heart, and it'll be hard to resolve. Over time, it'll also be bad for your health.

We live in the present, and you have your personality, and I have mine. As long as you feel right, just speak up boldly and treat others as you would like to be treated. Sometimes, if you think too much, you won't know how to be yourself.

Words to end with:

You also want to know how to make changes.

I'd like to say

No matter what the future holds.

Feeling comfortable

That's the way to go.

I don't worry too much about what other people think.

There are three main areas of focus in life.

Your business, his business, and God's business.

There's nothing better than being yourself.

First of all, I would like to give the original poster a big hug! It is already very difficult for you to take on so much work while pregnant, and to be treated like this by your leader is really upsetting.

If we can't change the situation, we can change the way we perceive it! This can make us feel a lot better.

This is great for you and the baby! For example, if the leader asks us to do something, we can think that this will increase our physical activity, which is really helpful for a smooth delivery. It also shows the child that you are responsible and hardworking, which is a great way to influence the child in a positive way.

I think you did an absolutely amazing job of changing the table for him!

If he disagrees with your request to move to a place with more sunshine, I think it's because he hasn't done a good enough job, he's not caring, and he hasn't considered your feelings. But don't worry! It's not your fault. We don't need to punish ourselves and our children for other people's mistakes.

But the great news is that we can express our feelings to him. Because everyone in this world is different!

Some people are so grateful when you show them kindness! They know how to repay you with kindness in return. But then there are those who are ungrateful when you show them kindness. They just don't respond well to you.

Some people even feel that you haven't done enough and will complain about you. But don't worry! The best way to deal with these two types of people is to complain directly.

We can absolutely let the other person know our needs and feelings through positive expression! Even if he doesn't satisfy you, at least he'll know that he hasn't satisfied our needs and will feel embarrassed.

If you don't say anything, the other person will take it for granted over time. For example, if it were me, I would have raised the issue of not being able to get enough sun, and he didn't fulfill that need. But you can do it!

Then I might say, "Leader, I just want to change the table to get more sun, which is good for the child, but you don't agree. I feel quite uncomfortable because I think this leader is usually quite nice and I thought you would take care of our mother and child. But hey, I'm excited to try something new!

I really hope this helps the original poster! I'm sure she'll be able to adjust her mindset and become a happy and blessed mother.

I can see how you feel when I read your comments. I feel like I'm trying to do the right thing, but I don't always get the support I need from my leaders or colleagues. I'm in the third trimester of pregnancy, and I'm feeling the pressure. Let's talk about this together!

1. Learn to say no.

The first thing you need to learn is to say no. When a leader or colleague asks you to do something that's not your job, don't just say yes. Take a moment to think, and then say no if you don't think it's right. Don't be afraid to say no. Don't worry about what others will think. Just imagine this is happening to your baby. Would you teach your baby to resist and say no?

Once you've put yourself in this kind of situation and thought it through, you'll be able to say no.

2. Don't assume that the younger you are, the more you'll get done.

In the workplace, people who can make a difference in critical matters are always preferred. If you always do trivial tasks, your leader will see you as just an obedient and sensible odd job man. You won't be remembered for anything good. More work means more pay, but it's based on doing important things and important planning. Trivial tasks don't improve you. Your leader will see your value no different from that of a newcomer.

3. A crying baby gets milk.

If you're facing a challenge at work, don't be afraid to reach out to your leader and explain what you need. As they say, "A child who knows how to cry gets milk to drink." Your feedback will help your leader better understand your needs, so don't be shy about sharing.

4. Have a healthy baby

You're in the third trimester, so no matter how hard you work, you'll only get so much done. The most important thing now is to give birth to your baby. Don't overthink it, just stay happy! You can worry about other things after you give birth.

I hope this is helpful for you. Best of luck with your work and with the birth of your child! Thanks.

Dear questioner, My name is Yang Yiqing. I am a listener on the Yixinli platform and also a pregnant woman in the late stages of pregnancy, due to give birth in a month. I would be grateful for the opportunity to chat with you. I hope to be able to offer you some warm company and help.

I empathize with the challenges you've faced as a woman in your late pregnancy. It's admirable that you remained at the forefront of work during this period. However, it seems that your workplace could have provided more support. Your leader assigned you heavier workloads, and your colleagues could have been more attentive to your health.

I can see your strength and your grievances. I send you a hug from afar, and I hope you will give yourself a hug too.

Let's now turn our attention to some of the challenges you're facing and explore potential solutions.

1. Consider adjusting the focus of your life.

It seems that not having a background could be an obstacle for you in your current role. For a job like a career editor, it might be worth considering whether a lack of background could be a more significant challenge. Additionally, you may find it difficult to socialize effectively, which could be related to your personality. It might be helpful to reflect on how you can adapt your approach to social interactions.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how important your career is in your life. It might be worth letting go of the idea that it is insurmountable.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether raising a baby requires your full attention.

Women are essential to running a household. Would you consider spending more time on the family? - Adjust the focus of your life

Have you considered the possibility of starting another part-time job that you enjoy? It might be beneficial to explore new possibilities in life.

It may be challenging to achieve results in a career-track job, but it is also difficult to get fired. Rather than expending energy on a job where it is difficult to achieve results, it might be more beneficial to maintain this job while shifting the focus of your life to other areas. In other areas, you may find your value and be able to receive recognition and achievement more quickly!

2. It might be helpful to consider loving yourself and living your own life to the fullest.

You mentioned "low self-esteem" and "difficulty saying no to others." First of all, I admire your self-awareness. It's a great first step towards changing your situation. I hope you'll find these suggestions helpful:

Consider setting yourself small challenges.

For instance, you might consider saying "no" to close friends, attempting to express your needs, and engaging in activities that could potentially foster courage. You could even venture out on your own, make a new friend, or strike up a conversation with someone you don't know. These actions could help you to expand your comfort zone, become less sensitive, and expose you to new experiences, all of which could contribute to an increase in your self-confidence. As you embark on this journey, you may find that many things are not as challenging as they initially seem.

Then, gradually introduce these changes into your work life.

It might be helpful to consider speaking your mind and making eye contact with the person you're interacting with.

For people with low self-esteem, it can sometimes be challenging to express themselves. One way to gain a different social experience in daily life is to try expressing yourself and your "aura."

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider being a little more assertive.

I have noticed that you are always very kind to others and always meet their requests, but it seems that you don't always receive the same level of kindness in return. It seems that you may have the idea that if you're nice to someone, they'll be nice to you in return.

Perhaps, as you have discovered, these are two different things. It may be the case that whether you are nice to others will not affect whether others are nice to you. Instead of compromising to satisfy others, it might be better to be yourself freely.

It might be helpful to think of this as a process of establishing your own "personality" and a sense of "boundaries" with others. Having a clear understanding of what you should do and what others should do could help to avoid disappointments and frustrations if you don't have many expectations or illusions about others.

It may be helpful to distinguish between your own issues and those of others, which could help you avoid causing unnecessary harm.

Cultivating self-love is an ongoing journey.

You may have low self-esteem, find it challenging to say no to others, and exhibit some characteristics of a "pleaser personality." Regardless of whether this is the case, it's important to recognize that you're not fully honoring your own needs and desires. In your daily life, it's valuable to learn to love yourself, prioritize your own needs and happiness, and make decisions that align with your true desires, rather than relying on others for validation or trying to meet the expectations of social standards.

It might be helpful to try to love yourself a little more and see what your heart really needs and wants.

I wish you and your baby all the best.

If you have any questions or would like to discuss something further, please don't hesitate to reach out. I'm always here to support you and I'm sending you lots of love!

Hello, questioner!

"One is an inferiority complex, the other is fear of offending people," which leads to "always being unable to say no to others, causing oneself trouble. Also, without connections and lacking in social skills, good things never come my way." It's so hard when you're struggling with these things, isn't it? I've been there, and I know how it feels.

"How should I change?" Let's sort this out together, my friend.

Our personal experiences constantly change our values and affect our relationships with others. When we first enter society, we have been brought up with the beliefs of "truth, goodness, and beauty," and we don't yet know much about the subtle side of human nature.

For example, there was this one colleague who swapped desks with me but didn't change their seat. I guess you could say they were being a bit selfish. And then there was the boss who used his position to make me take on some of his work. I'm not sure if that's what you'd call power-tripping, but it sure felt that way at the time!

It's totally normal to feel like being kind to our leaders and colleagues is being cruel to ourselves. We just have to remember that this is only the way some people in society act (if it is true), and not doubt all people because of it.

People's hearts are full of secrets, and we can only judge a person's conscience through their actions. But these specific events can help us see a person's inner "character" through their outward actions, which is really helpful!

Then, we can choose whether to be just colleagues or become close friends.

I don't think so! Being kind to others is not being cruel to yourself.

Because leaders and colleagues are just trying to get by and gain a little benefit for themselves, it's easier to accept their actions (this is especially true when it comes to traumatic events). In fact, there are many such people in life, which is simply because people want to seek benefits and avoid harm.

If something happens that makes you feel like you're being attacked, it's really not kind to yourself. For example, when you're dealing with people who are mean or have bad morals, it's important to protect yourself.

The questioner himself realized that he was afraid of offending others and therefore didn't dare to refuse them because of an inferiority complex.

It's totally normal to have low self-esteem to varying degrees. We all have things we're good at and things we could work on. Sometimes it's because we don't see the resources we have, or it's because we compare ourselves with our colleagues.

When we position ourselves as vulnerable, we might find it a bit tricky to express our true thoughts.

We all worry about offending someone. It's natural! We're afraid that our refusal might have a negative impact on our job or relationships. This is also the best way for the person involved to defend themselves based on a comprehensive analysis and judgment of the specific situation. They're trying to protect themselves by compromising. But we shouldn't let this lead to catastrophizing. It's important to remember that without the right background and social skills, good things won't come your way.

We all have those days when catastrophizing thoughts can cause us anxiety and fear. It's totally normal! But these emotions can sometimes prevent us from expressing our true thoughts. Don't worry, though! I've got some tips on how you can express your true thoughts without affecting the relationship.

(1) Try not to catastrophize, my friend.

It's always a good idea to think about the intentions of others and ways to respond. But remember, you can't just daydream! You'll never know what the other person is thinking.

(2) Communicate effectively

The purpose of communication is to help the other person understand our thoughts, emotions, and wishes so we can work together more effectively. This means that in the communication process, we should avoid complaining or accusing the other person. Instead, we can simply express our thoughts, emotions, and wishes in a reasonable way.

For example, you can tell your boss, "I'm not feeling well recently, and I hope that you can assign other colleagues to do the work that I can't do because of my health."

If we don't express ourselves, but just speculate, it might lead to some confusion with our leaders and colleagues (our leaders might think we can do it), which could affect our relationships with each other.

Regarding the colleague's request to change tables, we really don't want to say, "Although I don't need it for the time being, I will need it in a few months, so you can use it for a while." I think the other person will also find it a bit of a hassle to move around and probably won't ask for a table change.

When we try to express ourselves boldly, we find that our preconceived notions usually don't come into play. Expressing yourself reasonably allows the other person to know what you can accept and what you cannot, and it helps you set your own interpersonal boundaries.

I really hope this helps! Warm regards!

Hello! I'm Jia Ao.

I understand your problems and confusion. You are kind and helpful, but you feel ignored and disrespected. You don't know how you will get along with them in the future or how to change your negative mentality.

Let me help you figure it out.

Take care of yourself.

No matter what happens, you must put yourself first. Take care of your emotions and feelings so you can maintain a good mood. Do your part and don't get involved in things you can't do anything about. Refuse directly if you can't do something and slowly get used to doing it this way.

Refuse others bravely.

In life or work, you may encounter things you want to refuse but are afraid of the impact. You may be reluctant or unsure how to refuse. You have to muster courage to tell the other person you refuse. This is a tactful way to express you can't do it. It is more applicable when dealing with your leader. If you encounter a leader who makes things difficult, just be decisive. You can refuse anything that comes your way. If that doesn't work, be more decisive. Bravely saying no is the first step to overcoming yourself.

Stick to your principles.

To refuse people, make them think you're very principled. If you refuse, refuse directly. Don't be a pushover. Learn to be brazen when necessary. Don't take on work you shouldn't, do your work well, and don't take on unnecessary things. Face the leader and don't be servile or arrogant.

Don't care what others think.

It's hard to find someone who treats you with sincerity at work. Being friendly to others doesn't mean they'll treat you the same. If they don't care about your refusal, they're not a true friend. People who care about you won't mind how you refuse. So don't care about other people's opinions. Pay attention to your own feelings and learn to refuse work at work. The more you lack courage to refuse, the more you'll be abused. Only by facing problems can you truly grow.

Keep building your confidence.

You said that when you communicate face-to-face with others, you feel inferior, that you feel you have no background and you are not sociable, that you never get the good things, and that you wish all the best for yourself. You feel this way because you are not confident enough. You feel that you do not deserve to be taken seriously by your leaders or praised by your colleagues. You said that this is a lifelong task, so it will be even more meaningful to do so.

?Be strong inside.

It's important to strengthen your inner self. Read more psychology books to adjust your state of mind, face challenges, and build resilience. Be brave and say no. Things will get better. I wish you well!

I hope this helps. I love you!

Hello, I am Xiaolan, the family psychologist. You can also call me Chenxi. I will help you analyze the situation based on my perspective on the world.

First and foremost, you are a pregnant woman in the third trimester. Your top priority is to stabilize your emotions, not to deal with the conflict and contradiction between you and your leader.

Intense emotions can affect your health and the development of your baby. Therefore, it is not recommended to seek counseling during pregnancy or for a while afterwards.

Psychological counseling often leads visitors into intense emotions, which can affect the birth of a pregnant woman.

You have anxiety and this truth has already had an impact. We need to provide a temporary solution.

Don't treat your leader as a person. Think of him as an NPC. You're just completing in-game tasks by commuting to and from work every day.

You are free to choose how you play the game. You took the other person too seriously.

You're focusing too much on the other person's feelings and how this job affects you. That's why you're feeling so intense.

You need to stop taking him so seriously. He's just an NPC, the one who gives you gold after you complete a task.

Or he's the one who gives you tasks.

Anyway, we'll get through this period. Once it's over, you can find a counselor who specializes in psychological growth.

Then go deeper.

From your description, it is clear that you have repressed too much aggression and anger. This has made you afraid to attack others, and when you do attack him, it is with a very strong aggression.

You are afraid of really hurting him too much.

But in the future, you can rest assured that if you are looking for a counselor, you will find one who can help you release and get rid of it.

I want you to be happy.

Hello, host! I'm so happy to be here!

After reading your description, I totally get what you're asking! I'm sending you a hug in four dimensions!

From your description, I can understand your current problems to some extent. From my point of view, you have a relatively clear understanding and knowledge of your current problems. You just don't know which direction you should change from, so you hesitate. But don't worry! I'm here to give you another warm hug.

You are not alone! Many people, including me, have been in your shoes. Take your time, believe in yourself, and know that you are not the only one who feels this way. There are many others like you, and you will find your way to make a change.

It can be tough to say no to others. We all want to avoid offending people and leaving a bad impression, and sometimes that means bending to others' wills. But here's the thing: if you don't stand your ground, you might end up being seen as difficult to get along with. And nobody wants that! So, take a deep breath, stand your ground, and show the world who you really are!

I've also put together a few tips to help you out of this pickle. I really hope they help!

(1) Go ahead and take the plunge! Face your true self, and don't be afraid to spend time with it.

(2) You can confidently and appropriately refuse unreasonable requests from others because you are the most important person in your life. Don't sacrifice yourself too much to satisfy others — you deserve to be happy!

(3) Go for it! Express your true thoughts and feelings from the bottom of your heart. Don't repress them too much.

(4) It's time to establish a clear interpersonal boundary! Don't let others' opinions affect you too much. Be clear that what others think of you is their business, not yours.

(5) You are important and you are also unique! So, recognize yourself and your amazing qualities! You are very good, it's just that sometimes you ignore your own merits.

The world and I absolutely love you! ?

All the best!

Hello!

You feel your inner softness becoming vulnerable, you feel hurt, and you feel unhappy. But you know what? That's okay! It's all part of the journey.

1. Certain sentence patterns in your head? Let's find new space for transformation of thinking!

"If you think about others, others won't think about you." "Being kind to your leaders and colleagues is being cruel to yourself."

Let's feel together to see if these words make you feel less and less secure!

If we work with them, we can be strangers to each other after work and each have our own lives. If we hold onto the above words, we may feel annoyed that our beautiful lives have been disrupted by them. But there is a way to work with them!

They're on my mind everywhere I go!

These emotions are meaningful and remind us to love ourselves better!

For example, there are so many ways to express one's value! We can innovate and develop new ways to transform hard work and dedication into sincere love for others. We can also transform the way we overburden ourselves with whatever others ask us to do into being unable to casually agree to things we're not capable of doing. Instead of giving someone a fish, we can teach them how to fish! We can return the matter to the other person and let them make their own decisions to solve the problem. We can exercise the other person's abilities!

As a leader, I refuse to stop until I reach my goal!

2. Know when to advance and retreat!

Because it is a "lifetime job," you "get to" make a positive impact on people's lives!

A person's job can change over the course of a lifetime, and even within an organization, positions can change—it's a great opportunity for growth!

One thing that never changes is conviction!

I truly believe that with the development of the times, everyone has a pretty big stomach. The scary label of "offending people" can be taken off women, which is fantastic!

(Note: This paragraph is meant to say to the original poster: Don't be afraid! It's not denying the original poster's feelings, but there's so much to look forward to!)

Absolutely!

When you feel tired, it's time to stand up for yourself! You are pregnant, and you get to take care of yourself and your precious baby at the same time.

She is still going to work, which is so commendable, and she is absolutely not weak. The baby will definitely have a strong spirit!

I absolutely believe that asking for a break is perfectly fine!

My friend, refusing is one way, but it is not the ultimate goal. What do you need?

Be respected, accepted, recognized, encouraged, and sincerely thanked!

It takes time and courage to earn respect, and it's so worth it! A person with courage not only knows how to refuse at the right time, but also knows how to advance and retreat.

I'm excited to keep learning and improving this methodology! I've proposed it to the original poster for discussion, and we'll cheer each other on together.

The third season of Mango TV's "Sisters Riding the Wind and Waves" is absolutely amazing! Yu Wenwen and Ning Jing are so cute, cool, and a bit of a hedgehog. When we give ourselves time for entertainment, we can brush up on it and feel the temperaments of others that are similar to our own and the various inspiring choices they make.

Don't worry! Just look forward to the new semester!