It seems like my mom never praises me. How do I deal with conflicts with my mother?

Dear questioner, A review of your post reveals a plethora of negative emotions, including anger, resentment, helplessness, and hopelessness.

I empathize with your situation.

Your mother has not yet emerged from the shadow of the divorce, and she is imbued with feelings of resentment and discontent towards your father. These emotions have been repressed and have not been fully discharged.

As a result, you will become the object of her venting. In response to any perceived wrongdoing on your part, she will inevitably blame you for it and direct her anger towards you.

It is important to note that these actions and harsh words are not directed at you. It is likely that she has been feeling depressed for a long time and needs an outlet to vent her emotions. From your perspective, this may seem unfair. However, it is important to recognize that you are not at fault. It is unfair for you to be the punching bag for your parents' conflicts.

I admire your self-control. It is evident that you will not address your issues with your mother in the same manner as she does. You recognize that this approach will likely exacerbate the problem, which demonstrates your maturity and sound judgment.

To overcome your current difficulties, it is first necessary to understand and tolerate your mother's shortcomings. Like all individuals, she experiences challenges and employs various coping mechanisms, including emotional outbursts.

Subsequently, one may identify an appropriate listener on the Yi Xinli platform to facilitate the catharsis of pent-up emotions.

Ultimately, it would be beneficial to identify an occasion when your mother is in a positive frame of mind. This would be an optimal time to engage in a constructive dialogue with her, during which you could express your deepest feelings and convey the impact of her emotional outbursts on you.

Mothers are inclined to love their children, and it is reasonable to posit that you can achieve this. It is likely that your mother will be able to perceive her own problems and effect positive change.

It is my sincere hope that this response proves beneficial.

From what I can gather from reading your account, it seems that you have experienced feelings of shame, sadness-instead-5366.html" target="_blank">anger and sadness as a result of being blamed and belittled. It can be difficult to find a way to express these emotions, and it's understandable that you might feel like there is nowhere to vent them. I can imagine that the word "heartache" might not fully capture the depth of what you're feeling.

I believe it was a wise decision to have this conversation here. It demonstrates your courage and resilience in seeking growth and moving beyond the confines of that helpless emotional state.

I have met visitors who have experienced something similar, and I can empathize with the pain of being a child of this kind of parent.

They may wonder if their mother loves them and, if so, why she makes them feel so bad.

If you don't love me, where will I go? It can be challenging to express all kinds of negative emotions and having to keep them inside can be difficult.

It is often thought that every parent loves their child. If this were not the case, it would be difficult to explain how we can grow from a crying baby step by step. However, it is also true that we cannot always feel their love, but only the hurt.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to grow up and understand them from a different dimension than usual. When we understand our parents, we may also understand what happened to us. When we understand all this, we can let go and grow up ourselves.

From your description, it seems possible that your mother's attachment relationship with her caregiver as a child may have been insecure. There is a strong correlation between insecure attachment and mentalization skills, which include emotional processing skills and the ability to self- and other-awareness. Your mother's behavior could also be interpreted as a sign that her mentalization skills may not be as developed as they could be.

It seems that she may have difficulty handling her emotions, which may result in her expressing them through you, who are in a vulnerable position. It's possible that she struggles to empathise with your situation and therefore may blame or belittle you. These are just speculations, guesses about the current situation.

It might be helpful for the original poster to consider ways of growing personally and understanding her mother and herself in a clearer way. This could potentially make her life easier in the future.

Good day, landlord. I am honored to answer your question. After reading your description, I feel very sympathetic towards you. In such a family environment, it is understandable that you do not get the approval of your parents, which can be frustrating.

I believe it's important to understand that you are not responsible for these actions. It seems that your mother's mental health is not optimal at the moment. She may be experiencing some difficulties and may be projecting her own issues onto you. This is a common defense mechanism. When she makes a mistake, she may find it difficult to accept responsibility. She may believe that you will also find it challenging to accept your mistakes. As an adult, I have experienced this defense mechanism myself. I can empathize with how it can be used in a child's mind. It's crucial to recognize the impact this can have on a child's development.

The example you gave may only be a part of your life, and there are probably many similar things. It can be difficult to resist, for fear of provoking their violent behavior, and it can be tempting to suppress your needs in order to compromise. If this situation continues for a long time, it can have a significant impact on your mental health. I would gently suggest that when you encounter similar situations, you can choose an appropriate way to express your anger, grievances and fears, and release the psychological pressure caused by these negative emotions on you. This can be more helpful for your future mental health.

You might consider speaking with a professional platform or school psychologist to help you express your feelings and find ways to cope with the pressure caused by these negative emotions. Writing in a diary can be a helpful way to process your feelings.

It might be helpful to consider transferring your need for recognition and acceptance to your classmates and teachers. You could try to let the teachers and older students recognize you, and maintain a close relationship with your classmates, as a way of compensating for the psychological pressure caused by your parents' suppression and accusations.

Life can be challenging, particularly for children from single-parent families. It's important to remember that every difficulty you overcome is a valuable lesson and strengthens your resilience. After this difficult period, you will be better equipped to handle future challenges with greater confidence.

I am grateful to have this opportunity to meet with you. I appreciate your consideration and look forward to our appointment in 1983. With best regards, [signature] [name]

Hello, host.

First of all, I want to express my understanding and sympathy for your situation. I'd also like to give you a big hug and feel the warmth of the world.

I really understand what you're going through and how you feel. I've been in a similar situation myself. I'm not sure if it's a result of the generally repressive education in China or if it's a problem with some inappropriate educational methods in most families.

Often, parents may love us, but they don't always know how to show it. They might be hard on us, or they might say one thing but mean another when they're teaching us.

It's possible that your mother doesn't love you any less, but because of your father's actions, whether intentional or not, she has been hurt. You may look like your father, or you may be the result of your parents' union. But this union doesn't seem to be a good one. Because your father is irresponsible, your mother feels that this union may be a mistake. Maybe your mother regrets marrying your father.

But it's done, and you're here, which can't be changed. So even if she regrets it, your mother needs a way to vent.

Then she'd unconsciously transfer her anger to you, using words that seemed insulting to teach you a lesson, but it might be that she hadn't got it off her chest and hadn't received the love and care from your father that he should have as a husband and father.

So the mother can only vent her anger through you. But as kids, we really feel aggrieved because adults' mistakes shouldn't be directed at us.

As you said, you can't stand this kind of belittlement and want to change it, but you also know very well that this is your mother's angry mood. Maybe she doesn't really mean to hurt you; she just unconsciously assumes the role of the villain.

So, my advice to the landlord is to stay calm and not take your mother's words too seriously. Sometimes adults just want to vent, so they don't always say things in a measured and controlled way when they're emotional.

If you dwell on the comments your family members make or the insults they hurl at you when they're in a bad mood, you'll just get stuck in this vicious circle.

Our lives aren't just about family and our mothers. You'll meet many people along the way, some of whom will become important friends or lifelong acquaintances. There may be arguments and even verbal abuse.

We can only do our best to maintain a balanced state of mind. If we care too much about what others say or do, even if it's from the people who mean the most to us, we'll lose sight of who we are.

After your mother makes such a comment and insults you, it's important to remember that she's clearly emotional. I don't believe she's always going to be insulting you like this. She also has calm and peaceful times. When she's like this, you can go out with her to have a good time and talk, not just see her insult you with those vicious words.

It might be helpful to try changing your thinking and approaching your mother as you would a friend. When she's in the role of your mother, you're only adding to your own stress.

Of course, if you can accept your mother's behavior and emotions, there are many things you can avoid. For instance, when your mother is emotional, you can do something else, buy her something she likes, or find a way to diffuse her anger.

Or you could see it as her way of letting off steam, not directed at you, but you just happened to be there, and she just wanted someone to listen to her troubles and anger.

I hope the original poster can understand that our family of origin is not something we can change, but we can change our own state of mind. There's often little we can do about our parents' behavior. However, we are living our own lives, and if we let ourselves be too confined by our parents' words, then we will never have parents to take responsibility for us for the rest of our lives. Only then will we regret it.

I hope the original poster finds happiness and joy.

Hello, host! I'm July.

After reading your description, I understand your question better. I want you to know that I'm here for you.

From what you have described, it is clear that you care a great deal about how you are perceived by your mother. Given that your mother is an important figure in your life, it is understandable that you care about her opinion of you and are concerned about any disparagement from her.

You may rebel against your mother and want to prove to her that you are not like she says. However, you will find that what you say has no effect on her. She will continue to do things the same way as before. You may feel that your efforts are not of much use, but you are conflicted about why your mother treats you this way.

Your mother has placed a lot of expectations on you because of the different family environment. She wants you to become a dragon-slaying hero. While her original intention is good, she lacks clarity about boundaries and interferes too much in your life.

I have also summarized some methods to help you alleviate the current situation, and I am confident that they will help you to some extent.

(1) We can minimize the misfortune brought about by the original family by correctly understanding it. We must not be overly affected by this misfortune.

(2) You must establish a boundary. Do not attribute too many complaints from your mother to yourself. You are not the source of all problems. You are often a scapegoat.

(3) Take it slow and don't put too much pressure on yourself. You'll only make yourself feel uncomfortable if you do.

(4) Talk to your close friends. Express your true thoughts and feelings from the bottom of your heart. Don't repress them. Don't make yourself suffer.

(5) Have a heart-to-heart talk with your mother afterwards. Don't judge her too much for what she did to you. Express your feelings.

The world and I love you!

Best wishes!

Dear Question Asker, I am confident that I can answer your question.

After reading your description, I was immediately struck by a sense of empathy. It seemed as though I was looking at a reflection of myself from a different era, and I felt compelled to extend a gesture of support and understanding.

You were raised in a single-parent household with a prolonged absence of a father figure. Your emotional disposition was already somewhat subdued, and you sought to receive a greater degree of affection and attention from your mother.

Your mother's failure to provide you with the love and support you require is compounded by her use of derogatory language to undermine you and even abuse you with sarcastic and mocking words, reminiscent of the behaviour observed in your father. This is a highly frustrating and distressing situation.

Despite the negative emotions you experience when your mother offers criticism, you remain composed. It is important to remember that she is your mother and, as such, you cannot engage in a debate with her.

It is evident that you have a strong bond with your mother and recognize the challenges she faces in raising you independently.

Your mother's communication style is perceived as harsh, which may indicate dissatisfaction. However, when viewed from a different angle, it's evident that she has high expectations and a genuine love for you.

In some instances, she holds you responsible for not taking things seriously and not performing tasks as required. In fact, she hopes that you can learn to manage your affairs more effectively and take better care of yourself.

She stated that you are similar to your father and that your behavior is reminiscent of her former husband, whom she once loved but now views negatively. She believes that your father's conduct is inappropriate and that you should not emulate it.

Your mother attempts to admonish you in a somewhat controlling manner, with the goal of influencing your behavior to align with her expectations. However, you possess your own perspectives and values, which can be a source of discomfort.

Your decision to seek assistance demonstrates your awareness of right and wrong. It is my hope that you will be able to establish a more constructive relationship with your mother, which will be beneficial for all parties involved.

I am confident that your mother will be pleased to hear your thoughts.

From your description of the relationship with your mother, it is evident that there is a lack of communication and expression of concerns between you. This may be a significant contributing factor to the challenges you have faced over an extended period. In light of your desire to enhance the relationship, it is essential to begin with self-transformation.

From a psychological counseling perspective, the individual in the relationship who is experiencing distress will typically be the first to make changes. This is because when the individual who is unable to cope with the situation seeks to escape, they will often initiate a change in their own behaviour first.

This change encompasses a number of elements, including modifying one's own thoughts, altering certain behaviors, adjusting the manner in which one expresses oneself, and transforming the way one interacts with others.

One possible solution is to write a letter or send a WeChat message to express your feelings to your mother. While this may be a challenging task, it can be accomplished in a step-by-step manner.

Should your mother blame you, it would be advisable to inform her of your feelings at bedtime and to express your sadness to her.

Once she has awoken and responded to you, you may then express what kind of relationship you expect from her.

I would like to offer one final piece of advice, which I hope will provide a new perspective for you to consider.

I would like to take this opportunity to extend my warmest regards to you and to express my affection for you.

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing right now. Please accept my best regards.

I recognize that you are experiencing some family-related challenges. Please accept my sincere offer of a warm embrace.

As the old adage goes, "Home is a place where love is spoken, never a place where reason is spoken."

It is possible that your mother vents her anger at your father whenever she is angry, given your proximity to her.

Furthermore, you have attempted to communicate your genuine thoughts and feelings to her, yet it is understandable that occasional conflicts may arise.

I believe the following course of action would be beneficial:

As an alternative, you could go for a run in your neighborhood and express your frustration to your mother.

Upon returning from your run, you will feel considerably more relaxed and will have forgotten about your disagreement with your mother.

As an alternative, you may wish to consider purchasing a pillow that is not particularly attractive.

As a result, you may choose to vent your frustrations on the pillow when you are unable to resolve your differences with your mother.

Should you feel unable to resolve your negative emotions, I would advise you to seek the assistance of a professional counselor.

I hope that the issue you are experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

At this time, I am only able to consider these options.

I hope my above response is both helpful and inspiring. As the respondent, I am committed to studying hard every day.

At Yiyi Psychology, we extend our best wishes to you and the world.

Hello, question asker.

First, give you a hug and let you know you're not alone in feeling hurt and aggrieved.

It's clear you're a responsible and caring child, and you're ready to put in the work to improve your relationship with your mother.

(It seems like you're a boy from what I've read. For example, your mother said when scolding you that you are just like him...)

I'm not sure what caused your parents to divorce. As a child of divorce, you and your mother have been under a lot of pressure together.

This pressure comes from three sources:

First, let's not forget that divorce is traumatic in itself.

In traditional Chinese society, a woman's divorce is basically a process of self-disintegration. She has to transfer the happiness she once got from marriage to...

This process of transformation is a form of self-healing.

Maybe your mom is still struggling to get over the divorce. The pain from her marriage to your dad might have left a scar in her heart.

She's stuck at this point, repeating her attacks on your father because she's still angry. She vents her frustration by criticizing and attacking you.

This was her way of getting some of her frustrations out. It was the perfect solution for her, and it was easy to find.

Unfortunately, you've become the "scapegoat" of your father!

Second, there's also the pressure of social opinion.

It's only natural that she'll be criticized by the neighbors for raising the kids on her own.

The hurt caused by the divorce isn't as bad. If your mother is very sensitive and has high self-esteem, she is easily

If your mother is easily influenced by others and full of grievances, it's only natural that she'd direct her anger at you too.

Third, there are the financial and mental pressures on divorced families themselves.

I'm not sure if your father is responsible for the corresponding living expenses. If, during the divorce, your strong-willed mother chose you

Plus, she didn't ask your father for alimony, so she's the one who's responsible for the whole family.

The pressure is immense. Even if your father helps out with the costs, your mother will still be overwhelmed at some point while taking care of you and working.

And other household chores can also get to be a lot for her at some point.

Given all this, let's talk about how to communicate with your mother.

First, try to understand your mother's situation. There's probably a lot going on behind her resentment and anger.

You can take the initiative to show your care for your mother as soon as possible. You can even tell her clearly:

If it helps you to hit me and scold me, you can do that.

Second, it's important to learn to take care of yourself, become independent, and try to do household chores that you can handle.

Let your mother know that she made the right choice in choosing you. Show her that you can provide for her, even when she's feeling down.

You can also reassure her that you've grown up and can take care of her.

Third, if your mother is always in an unstable emotional state, it's a good idea to reach out to her and check in.

Other family members can also be involved, and you can go to the hospital's psychiatric department for an assessment and diagnosis to see if there is any possibility of psychological treatment.

What are the possibilities here?

The fourth thing to keep in mind is that when your mother attacks you by belittling you with your father's help, you should always remain rational.

It might be helpful to understand that your mother has a lot of feelings for your father, even if she doesn't show them. When she's angry, she might be feeling a lot of love.

She's resentful because she didn't get enough love from her dad.

If your parents' conflict isn't too serious, see if you can get in touch with your father and ask him to help.

How can we reunite them and get them back married?

When your mother lashes out at you verbally, try to stay calm. When she's calmed down a bit,

Say it in a warm, calm, and patient tone. Let her vent, then say, "I know Dad has caused you a lot of pain and made you very angry. I'm here for you, Mom."

"I'll always be there for you, supporting you and protecting you so you don't have to suffer!"

As the data set is limited, the above analysis and suggestions are for reference only.

I'm your consultant, Mr. Yao, and I'm here to support you and keep an eye on things!

I have had the same experience as you. I was also not recognized as a child, and I was never comforted when I was wronged, let alone praised. This is the flaw of the Chinese education system.

This makes us lack self-confidence from an early age. We want recognition, but we cannot get it, which makes us feel inferior and unloved.

I didn't repair the childhood trauma until adulthood. When it comes to solutions, attitude is everything.

You must learn to love yourself, cherish yourself, and believe in yourself. No matter what they say, it can't actually hurt you. If you listen to it, it will make you feel even more inferior.

Parents are unaware that they are harming their children's bodies and minds because they believe it's an expression of love. This is wrong, and it's likely that they will eventually realize this, but by then it will be too late for anything but an apology.

You must rely on yourself to fix things.

Transform yourself from the inside out, and you will realize that your parents' approval or support is no longer a concern. Distressed by such problems? Forget about it.

When they see your successful side, they'll regret it and recognize your abilities. They won't admit it, but you've already been recognized.

If your parents don't believe in your abilities, but then see that you've made a profit from your investment because of your persistence, they will ask you to invest for them. This is a kind of intangible recognition.

You are always unique, so don't deny your own value just because no one in the world loves you anymore.

Come on! ?

Hello, question asker, my name is Lingxi.

From what you've said, I can sense that you're feeling quite upset, so I'd like to offer you a hug from afar.

Because she is your mother, you may have chosen to suppress and self-soothe your anger based on the parent-child bond, even when faced with insulting, belittling, and embarrassing language. However, this may not be the most appropriate way, so it would be beneficial to learn to take reasonable care of ourselves.

♥♥♥ You mentioned that your parents divorced and that your father is perceived as irresponsible. I'm not sure if this is your own assessment of your father or your mother's assessment of your father. When parents divorce, family relationships often change significantly. Your father was originally a strong and reliable presence in the family, but when he left, I can sense your frustration and disappointment from your description. You may have mixed feelings about your mother, and at the same time, you have taken the initiative to fill in your father's role. In your relationship with your mother, there seems to be a pattern of mutual projection, and your mother seems to accept this way of getting along with you. This kind of relationship of mutual projection can be challenging to navigate. You may feel that your feelings are misunderstood, thinking, "I clearly dislike being treated this way by my mother, so how could I have contributed to this relationship?"

It might be helpful to consider what you truly feel inside when your mother scolds you. If you respond to her according to your inner feelings, how do you think she will react?

It could be fear, terror, separation, or perhaps something else. Your heart may be the best guide to understanding the answer.

♥♥♥ If you would like to improve the current situation, it would be beneficial for both you and your mother to consider making some changes. Your mother may find it more challenging to adapt due to her age, but it is encouraging to see that you have taken the initiative to seek help, as this will undoubtedly lead to positive outcomes.

I hope that you will soon find relief from your distress. The world and I send you our love and support.

Hello, my dear friend. I am the place of peace.

Good boy, give me a hug. I can feel your pain, sadness, and anger, even though I'm not in your situation.

Good boy, you're such a sweetheart. After going through so much, you're still willing to put yourself out there to help your mom feel better. You're truly amazing!

After your parents separated, you lived with your mom, right? I'm just wondering, did your dad ever show you any love and care?

From what you've told me, it seems like your dad wasn't very responsible, and your mom must have had a lot of complaints and grievances against him. Is that right?

My dear child, I don't know how old you are, but how long has it been since your parents divorced? How old were you when they divorced?

I'd love to know how you felt at the time.

I'm so sorry to hear that your mom's attitude only started after your parents divorced.

I'd love to know what her attitude towards you was before the divorce.

Good boy, have you ever thought that maybe your mom, who's been through a lot because of your dad, might be hurting too?

I'm not saying you should take on all this just because of your mom's inner pain. That's definitely not what I mean.

I just want to ask you, sweetheart, would you be willing to give yourself and your mom a chance to calm down and communicate with each other honestly?

It's so important to tell your mother your true thoughts and feelings, and to tell her your hopes and expectations. And don't forget to encourage her to tell you her true feelings as well!

If your mom's reaction isn't what you expected, give her a little more time to think and reflect on her own, okay?

And don't forget you can also ask for help from other family members, like your grandparents or other older relatives.

I'm not sure if you're an adult yet, but if you have close friends you can confide in, I'd love to know if you've told them what's going on.

And next time your mom criticizes you and puts you down, you can tell her how you really feel. You can choose not to take it anymore, and I really hope your mom can understand you and treat you the way you deserve.

My dear, I really hope this answer helps you find the strength and courage to not give up easily, to face reality bravely, and ultimately find the light that dispels the gloom.

I truly believe that your bravery, perseverance, kindness, wisdom, and love for your mother will lead you to that light.

My dear, you deserve to be loved and treated gently. I truly wish you the best!

Hello, I'm Starfish Floater, an intern counselor. I'll analyze your situation and give you advice. I hope it helps.

—Divorced family, living with mother

Your mother has always been harsh with you.

—Your mother always blames you for your father's mistakes.

You want to argue with your mother and are afraid she'll hit you. Is that right?

Divorced family. Living with your mother.

I don't know if you're a boy or a girl. Take comfort in this:

Do you remember why your parents divorced?

Who is the other child?

Should they get divorced?

Mom has always taught you in a harsh way because she is afraid.

Your mother is torn. She is afraid you will grow up to be like your father.

She never praises you. Maybe in this marriage with your father,

You know your father's background and how he acts.

No matter what you do, mom still thinks about dad.

Mom, why do you still care about Dad? Feelings between a husband and wife can't be completely severed with a divorce. As the saying goes, "One day as husband and wife, a hundred days as benefactors."

A hundred days of marriage is like the depth of the sea. Maybe he's angry at Dad.

The truth is, all the anger is directed at you. Have you ever felt like this? Loving your father but also hating him?

You want to argue with your mother, but you're afraid she'll hit you.

Has your mom ever hit you?

Your mother hates seeing you like this. When he hits you, he resents himself.

Do you know how your parents divided up the finances after the divorce? Does your father pay you alimony?

Your mother is having a hard time supporting you and your dad.

You will still be discriminated against. Your mother's suffering may be as great as yours.

Your mother doesn't know how to talk to you. This is your relationship with her.

Do these conflicts end with you staying silent? Do you calm down afterwards?

It takes a long time to calm down. You need to let out the emotional waste that has built up in your body.

— Can't handle your mother's verbal abuse?

— Want to improve your lifestyle?

These conflicts often end with you staying silent. It takes a long time to calm down.

Children hug you no matter how old. We're three generations apart.

She's been carrying your mom's emotions and treating you like an emotional trash can. She can't express her feelings or solve problems well.

This is why your parents got divorced!

Your mother's anger takes a long time to dissipate.

You want to argue back, but you're afraid it will make your mother sad.

Hug you. You are kind. When your mother is upset,

Saying "I miss Dad" is dangerous. It could make your mother cry.

This will make your mother even angrier.

Crying is a way to vent. Try to make your mother cry.

Your mother's verbal abuse has caused you emotional and mental damage. You want to change things.

You don't know where to start, so you've come here to ask for help. That's a good first step.

Thank yourself for knowing how to change the problem. Give yourself a pat on the back and encourage yourself to succeed.

If you want to change your situation, think about why your parents got divorced.

Look closely at what your mother is really worried about. Maybe she regrets the divorce and wishes she hadn't made that decision.

Talk to your mother about your father. Let him talk.

You need to be nice to get a chance to talk to your mom. Your mom might not even mind the little mistakes you made.

Have you looked into what Mom said about asking for money?

Did your father help your mother after your parents divorced?

You need to understand the situation to change it.

You're still young. You don't understand the pressure on single mothers.

Try to understand how much pain your mother has suffered to become like this.

If you understand your mother's pain, you can better understand your own emotions.

He can help your mother get out of her pain. You can do it.

If my words don't help, you can ask for help from the social workers at Whale in My Heart.

They know more and can give you better advice.

One may either explode in silence or slowly sink in silence. In a divorced family, one may have had enough of one's mother's various complaints. One may also experience a multitude of accusations from one's mother, and one's mother may also change due to her own relationship and marital status.

Given that the family in question is divorced, it is possible that the parents have a particularly strained relationship. It is plausible that there have been some formative experiences in the past that have left a lasting impact, including instances of violence or heated arguments. It is also possible that these experiences have not yet been fully processed, and that they continue to affect the mother's emotional state and quality of life.

Such a dynamic may even result in the transfer of these erosive forces to the child, thereby perpetuating the cycle of blame and emotional venting. Consequently, these emotions may manifest as feelings of inferiority, lack of confidence, anger, sadness, and silence in the child.

Ultimately, this will have a detrimental impact on your personal well-being.

Furthermore, it is becoming increasingly challenging to tolerate this negative attitude towards you. It is likely that your mother endured significant suffering or discomfort, and that her life was marked by adversity, which may have contributed to her suppression of you and her expressed dissatisfaction.

It is also possible that some projection is occurring on your part.

For example, the other person may harbor resentment toward your father and direct it toward you, holding you to excessive standards. They may find fault with you over trivial matters, suggesting that your behavior is excusable.

Such behavior may be tolerable on an occasional basis, but if it persists and includes disparaging remarks about the father,

Furthermore, it demonstrates that your mother is essentially similar in nature, exhibiting a narrow perspective and a limited range of emotional expression. In order to exacerbate the overall situation, you tend to remain silent and confront her in a composed, restrained, and repressed manner. Long-term repression may also have a detrimental impact on your character, potentially leading to the accumulation of significant emotional distress.

It would be optimal to implement certain modifications so that you can distance yourself from this familial structure as much as possible. It is imperative to articulate your desires. You do not wish for your mother to persist in dwelling within the confines of the past. In light of his divorce, it is crucial for him to embark upon a new phase of life. It is essential for all parties to adopt a forward-thinking perspective.

It would be unwise to push your luck with minor issues and to be overly selective. Your mother would be well advised to implement changes in a number of areas. It is possible that she is unable to make significant changes immediately, in which case the other person would also need to adapt gradually. It would be beneficial for him to have access to psychological counseling, although if the other person remains reluctant, you could consider counseling together.

Additionally, it is crucial to gradually establish independence from this family and to cultivate a new support system. Best wishes for success in these endeavors.

Please clarify the meaning of the initialism "ZQ."

Dear question owner,

From what you've shared, it seems that your mother often offers criticism, and you feel hurt and aggrieved. I can understand how you feel, and I want you to know that I'm here for you.

From what you have described, it seems that the way your mother hits you may be a reflection of your father. It's possible that your mother has more anger towards your father, which may result in her projecting this emotion onto you. This could lead to you being blamed and hit. It's important to note that this is likely a true inner projection of your mother's feelings towards your father, except that you have replaced your father.

It is possible that your parents had a lot of conflicts and chose to separate, but it is important to recognize that this does not necessarily mean that one of them was right or wrong. It just means that the two of them could no longer live together, and that there were a number of conflicts and problems that they were unable to resolve. Ultimately, choosing to leave was a decision that was beneficial for both of them.

I would like to suggest that you communicate well with your mother and observe whether she has some psychological needs that need to be met. It is also possible that you may have some resentment towards your mother because you have never contradicted her. It is likely that you have digested the negative emotions brought by your mother alone, so it may be helpful to become aware of any repressed emotions in your heart.

It might be helpful to be aware of your own emotions. If you are feeling depressed, you could try using other methods to relieve your negative emotions. You could also work with your mother to find a professional counselor to consult together, and look at the reasons why your mother has these feelings and what needs she has through the perspective of a third party. You could try seeing the inner child between you, and then responding in a way that is appropriate.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to learn to accept your mother. The reason why your mother has developed this way is inseparable from your father. Nothing happens without the joint action of two or more people. Therefore, this is not just your mother's fault. You have the option to accept your mother in this way, but you can also choose to reject her actions. A gentle and emotionless rejection, and face her emotional problems together with your mother, through external intervention, psychological relief, and find a corresponding method to allow yourself and your mother to escape from the distress of negative emotions, and thus improve the current situation.

I hope my answer is of some help to you.

My dear, after listening to your outpouring, I understand your frustration. I hug you. Generally speaking, every mother loves her child, but it seems that your mother has placed the blame for the breakdown of her marriage on you. She attacked you without giving your father a chance to directly scold you with those offensive words. She has made the family relationship problem more complex by involving you in her marital relationship.

Your story brings to mind the mother of the recently popular star Han Zhanlan. With regard to Shao Shang's attitude, she opted to leave her daughter to cope on her own. After a period of neglect, she lost control of her daughter, but rather than expressing her emotions, she suppressed her daughter and spoke ill of her. This is an unfortunate example of poor parent-child communication.

You have identified the root of the problem, which is a good start. As you mature, you will also be able to navigate your mother's emotions more effectively. I suggest that you respond to your mother with clarity and without hostility when she brings up things about your father. It might be helpful to explain that the divorce of your parents was the result of their inability to work together, and that you should not have to bear the consequences alone. It is true that some of your qualities may have been influenced by your parents, but you are your own person, and your father is your father. You will empathize with and care for your mother, and you will rely on her. If your mother continues to speak ill of others, she may inadvertently push away the people close to her and lose the opportunity to improve her relationship.

Perhaps you could talk to her about it? Expressing your feelings and observations might help her to understand you better.

I'm grateful for your concern. My mother and I have discussed this topic via WeChat. My parents divorced when I was very young, and my father has not provided any maintenance. I was brought up by my grandparents when I was young, and my mother worked alone outside the home, so she had little spare time to oversee my development. She was a very determined person and was very strict with me, but I was actually very naughty, so I often got beaten up when I was young (when she was around). After being beaten and scolded, I would behave, and I did well at school. Hhhhh... But I think my childhood was really beautiful. I don't remember much about my parents' arguments because I was very young. Later, when my mother had the energy, she took me in when I was in grades 3 or 4. I went back to my grandparents' side from grade 5 to junior high, and then was taken in by my mother again after junior high. In fact, my relationship with her was not one where we talked about everything, and we avoided and dealt with conflicts coldly whenever they arose. She may have played the role of a strict father, and I felt that there was little warmth.

Given her demanding work schedule, it was likely that meeting in person would have been a challenging prospect for both of us. I am grateful for the convenience and accessibility of the internet.

After this incident occurred, I mustered the courage to tell her what I was thinking. There were some disagreements and strong emotions during the conversation, but I tried to express my thoughts from a place of not blaming the other person, but with the hope that the relationship could improve and I could learn and grow from it. While I recognize that these disagreements might happen again, I believe that open and constructive communication can help resolve them. I hope that my experience can also encourage others to face their challenges with courage and a willingness to communicate.

Hello, question asker! I'm Enoch, the answerer.

I really feel for the poster. It's possible her mother was too strict with her, but the poster respects her mother out of filial piety. However, the anger at having her self-esteem trampled on is suppressed but still difficult to calm down. She feels aggrieved and very understanding. I give the poster a hug.

I don't know how old the questioner is, but I know he feels his father is irresponsible. From what I've read, I think the questioner's mother may be his stepmother. He might understand why his mother left his father and why his stepmother is disappointed in his father. But he also wants a complete family of his own. So even though his mother has reprimanded him and he doesn't want to accept such harsh accusations against himself, he still chooses to obey and endure.

So what I want to say is that everyone will experience various trials in their lives, but the important thing is how to view these trials and improve oneself. My mother has several brothers and sisters. Since childhood, these uncles and aunts and my mother have been very enthusiastic about helping each other, but they also unabashedly express their inner thoughts and accuse each other, and they also criticize each other's children. When I was young, I especially hated my aunt's accusations against me, because after all, she was not my real mother. As I grew up, I felt that there was no need to take it too seriously. Sometimes their behavior shows their personal qualities, and we have to walk the path of our own lives.

This example also wants to tell the questioner that although her mother is very angry and critical, and rarely praises her, it only shows that in her mother's world, she doesn't know how to praise others, but is very familiar with criticizing others. The questioner should not argue with her, but just try to cooperate with her in doing the housework without dragging her feet and avoiding unnecessary conflicts when they have to get along with each other.

People who are good at tolerating and improving themselves often achieve greater success because they can better integrate into various environments and get along with all kinds of people.

I hope the questioner can adjust herself, not be influenced by her father's habits, not be influenced by her mother's criticism and accusations, ignore some bad feelings, work hard, and strive for her life goals. In the future, when she has her own independent life, she will be able to better control her life.

Hello!

First of all, I'd like to give you a big hug from afar! I'm here to embrace that sad and aggrieved child.

You feel sad that you have never received praise from your mother, and that she has always rebuked you with words that hurt. Last night, you forgot to mop the floor, and she gave you a chance to grow by offering constructive criticism. She even made some outrageous personal attacks, verbal violence, which made you angry, but also made you realize that you can handle anything that comes your way!

Your parents' divorce. It seems that both you and your mother agree that it was your father's irresponsibility that caused the divorce, and therefore your mother often says, "You're just like him..." which makes you feel very humiliated. However, in order to avoid escalating conflicts, you often choose to remain silent and deal with your emotions alone. I can feel your deep sadness just listening to this, but you're going to get through this!

After your parents divorced, you and your mother must have faced the pressures of life together. You can feel how hard it is for her, and this makes you even more reluctant to take out your emotions on her. It's because you care about her thoughts and feelings that those words sound particularly harsh and hurtful. It's really too hard for you, but you're doing great!

When people are in a tough spot, they sometimes lash out at those who really care about and love them because they're overwhelmed. It's more challenging for the elders to adjust. When I was a kid, my mom was also under a lot of pressure in life. She had two kids at home and treated us like machine guns, saying heartless things that made us feel useless.

It was only years later that we had this amazing realization: she might have been having a hard time and pushing herself too hard!

I absolutely believe you still love and care for each other!

Absolutely! You can write down everything you want to tell her, and you can list your excuses one by one.

Go to a place where you can yell or cry to your heart's content!

Absolutely! You can continue to come here and talk to people.

Find a professional teacher to listen to your story!

The world and I love you so much!

Dear questioner, I'm really sorry you have to put up with your mother's words all the time. I'm sending you a hug from afar.

Let's look at the situation. Unfortunately, your father is irresponsible, and your mother is involved with an irresponsible man.

It seems like your mother has a lot of anger towards your father. For example, when she scolds you, she often says, "You're just like him..." This sentence not only shows her anger and dissatisfaction with your father, but it also transfers her emotions towards your father to you.

I can see that you don't want to be seen as irresponsible.

But your mother often scolds you like this because of her own emotions, which makes you angry. It's even humiliating.

But because she's your mother, you can't let it all out, so you have to keep it in and deal with it yourself.

You're a sensible and good child. You've suffered because you've suppressed your anger and discomfort to take care of your mother's emotions.

You kept your emotions in check to avoid upsetting your mother, but that doesn't mean you weren't feeling anything. Your feelings were bottled up, but they were still there.

If you keep suppressing these emotions for too long, they'll end up in your subconscious. When you come across similar situations in the future or something happens that triggers you, these emotions will still have an impact.

I get it. I had a similar experience with my own father. The words may be different, but the attitude and feelings are the same.

Your mother said you're like your father. When he said you're like him but denied your father, he was also denying you.

It's really tough when we feel like we're being ignored or dismissed. It can really affect our mood for a long time.

This can really knock our confidence and self-esteem. When my dad was going on at me for ages, I felt particularly inadequate and useless.

Now that you know your mother treated you this way, you really want to vent your anger, but you can't because she's your mother. I understand your conflict.

Even though she's our mother, her actions and words really hurt us. It's normal to be angry at her.

But because she's our mother, we can't treat her the way she's treated us. After all, he was also hurt by your irresponsible father, and this anger has never been healed.

So is there a better way for us to protect ourselves from our mother's oppressive language without being too much of a burden to her? I've found that the following methods helped me heal from the trauma of being severely suppressed by my father in my early years, and I hope they'll be helpful to you, too.

It can be helpful to look at the problem from a third-party perspective. My father often suppressed his children back then because he was overburdened.

The reality was that the children didn't mature in time to help out.

It wasn't really directed at any one child, but at his situation. Maybe your mother's anger is also caused by her relationship with your father.

Her anger isn't necessarily directed at you, but you're the one who has to deal with it. I think she must love you.

So the next time he belittles you, you can think, "He's just venting at someone else. I just happened to be there. I'm not that bad. And she doesn't really think that about you. She's just used to saying and acting that way."

Think about it this way: maybe you can let the anger she shoots at you just fly right over your head, and you won't get hurt as much.

Secondly, you can talk to someone you trust about your concerns. This could be a family member or friend.

Just talk to someone you trust about what's on your mind. As long as you express your feelings, they'll help you work through them.

If you don't feel comfortable talking about it in person, you can also talk to someone who is very far away from your usual circle of contacts and will never cross paths with you. For example, there are online counselors, listening professionals, and other professionals in this field.

When you feel wronged, you can also come here to work on your own personal growth. It's important to understand where your emotions are coming from.

Take a look at what needs you have behind this emotion. If you can see the need behind your own, then go ahead and express your need directly.

Once we know what we really want, we can focus on that. External factors don't have a big impact on our focus.

I often have to work hard to keep up with my running routine. I feel that if I push myself too hard, I'll end up getting injured.

It might take a little while to find the right person to talk to.

You might also want to try meditation. Reading some books could be a good way to heal yourself.

For instance, there are meditation exercises and book clubs on this platform. There's lots of content that can help us heal our emotions, so it's definitely worth a try.

Another simple way to release emotions is to exercise. Group classes are the best, followed by racket sports like table tennis or badminton.

You can also go for a bike ride or do some jumping jacks. Just get yourself moving until you're slightly sweaty.

I hope this helps. Just remember, I love you in this world and the next.