It's 520, whom should I confess to? Should girls passively wait for a confession?

Hello, young lady. I can see the confusion you are facing right now. I'm going to give you a hug!

You are experiencing some relationship problems. I am here to help.

You're afraid to express your feelings to a guy because you may have been cheated on in a past relationship.

Since then, you have deliberately avoided falling in love.

You won't be hurt unnecessarily as long as you don't fall in love again.

It is a self-defense mechanism that your body instinctively developed.

You need to seek professional psychological counseling. Let her formally deal with the bad experience of being cheated on in your past relationships.

You also need to work on your attachment pattern.

Your anxious attachment pattern is likely related to your mother-child relationship when you were a child.

It is likely that when you were a baby, your mother ignored your needs and continued with her own business whenever you cried.

You have developed an anxious attachment pattern.

You should also seek counseling to deal with your attachment patterns.

Your current problem falls within the scope of the original family, so I am more inclined to seek professional psychological counseling than the help of an instant listener.

I am confident that you will resolve your problem soon.

I have nothing more to say.

I am confident that my answers will be helpful and inspiring to you, the girl. I am the answer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

Hello! Thanks so much for asking. I'm studying quietly, but I'm happy to chat if you'd like!

First of all, I can tell that you are someone who knows a bit about psychology. Also, you said that you read books on psychology, family, and parenting, which is so great!

I think this is a wonderful way of being! I truly believe that everyone should learn something new every day.

Even in relationships, whether they be romantic, marital, parental, or psychological, you feel like you already know so much. But the truth is, we can always learn more! There's always more to master, more skills and methods to try, and more theoretical knowledge to explore.

I really appreciate your behavior and habits. Please keep learning from you, and I'm sure you'll gain lots of useful knowledge!

And also, first of all, girls can also be a bit more proactive.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're someone who enjoys being on your own and spending time at home. I initially thought you might be an introvert, which is totally fine!

At the same time, introverts also have the wonderful advantage of being steady and down-to-earth. You can concentrate on your own things, which is great!

You can just maintain your introverted personality traits, and you can also be a little more proactive. For example, if you see a boy you care about, you can take the initiative to send some friendly signals.

Then just wait for the boy to make the first move. I know you said you have debts and you've been divorced, which are some of your concerns, but I'm sure you'll be able to work through them.

Yes, these things can make you feel a bit passive and apprehensive. But we can change our thinking! Some boys may not care too much about these things. They value you as a person and like you for who you are.

Secondly, many people say that time really does fly!

We can miss a lot of things, but time that is missed will never return. So think about it: if you delay getting married any longer, you may regret it.

So now, adjust your mentality, take care of your life, lay a good financial foundation, be brave, and start a new relationship. Then, get married, have children, and live the life you want! I say, cheer up!

There's no time to lose, sweetheart! Girls are generally passive, so you've got to take the initiative.

And some big names have also said that if a girl really likes a guy and thinks he is outstanding, it is also a good strategy to take the initiative to send out friendly signals and then wait for the guy to make the first move.

I really hope you can keep learning! I can recommend a book to you:

I really hope these books can help you! They're all about family and gender relations, and they're super popular. I think you'll find them really helpful.

Keep learning and improving every day, and you'll get better and better! Your personal relationships with friends and family will also become more and more harmonious. At the same time, you'll also exude an increasing charm that supports women.

And then, someone will be attracted to you! So, learning is the best way to become attractive and influential.

OK, then! Adjust your mindset as soon as you can and welcome a new romance. I really hope you find your happiness soon!

You've got this! Believe in yourself. It just takes a little time to grow.

Hello, question asker.

On this special day, I can feel your longing for a satisfying intimate relationship.

It is important to take the initiative to confess.

In a relationship, both men and women can take the initiative to express their feelings. For a girl who has someone she likes, taking the initiative to express her feelings is a brave, self-respecting, and independent gesture that shows inner confidence. In modern society, girls who express their feelings are accepted.

You are unable to take the initiative to grasp a relationship and contact a guy. There are many factors restricting you, and we have identified and analyzed them one by one.

Your interaction pattern is clear.

You stated that your ex-boyfriend is avoidant and that you don't cooperate with him, and you do it on purpose.

In psychology, "deliberate" has meaning. This is an unconscious expression of you. When he takes the initiative, you also avoid him. Avoidance behavior frustrates people's initiative and is harmful. Over time, he also avoids you.

Your ex-boyfriend learned avoidance from your model. It's likely that the two of you had the same relationship model.

You exhibit avoidant attachment.

Avoidant attachment is defined by avoiding close behavior with others, ignoring them, and not responding in any way. This outward appearance belies the fact that they long for it inwardly but repress and hide their true feelings of need.

Psychologists have conducted experiments on this. When this type of person encounters someone approaching them, their heart rate will fluctuate significantly, indicating that avoidant attachment people have a strong internal reaction to this.

You want your boyfriend to contact you and show you affection and love. You get indifference, no response, and coldness instead.

He feels conflicted.

Avoidant people long for something but show indifference and rejection. This is an implicit ambivalent attachment.

Avoidant attachment patterns will destroy relationships.

You have to be able to respond actively. It's a skill.

It's strange, isn't it? When he clearly wants something, he ends up doing the opposite.

Yes, because he is not capable of reacting to this. In fact, he is afraid that there will be no response after reacting, that he will not get the response he wants. He is afraid that he will be judged as bad, that he will be rejected, that no one will pay attention to him.

He simply hasn't developed the ability to respond in this way.

You avoid facing the result because you can't bear it. You "block" bad news to avoid uncomfortable feelings.

This is also evident in the way you treat the two men.

Avoidant attachment stems from early relationships with mothers.

You can observe the interaction patterns with your mother. If your mother often ignored your existence and your needs, you need to recognize this and change it. Especially as a child, the way your mother interacts with you is the model for how you interact with others.

See first, then change.

You must recognize your attachment patterns, analyze the pros and cons, and understand the impact on your life. Then, you must decide whether to deal with and change them.

Hello, question asker!

I'm sending you a 520 from afar. 520 is the number for love. You need to express your love for yourself first, because only when you love yourself can you love others.

I don't know if the original poster agrees with me, but it's an era of gender equality. As long as you encounter true love, it doesn't matter who makes the first move. Otherwise, you'll miss out.

From what you describe of your ex-boyfriend, it's clear he was almost unwilling to express his love. He was definitely a straight man and a male chauvinist.

You are stubborn and willful. You say, "We agreed to remain friends after the breakup, but he is not cooperating at all." This sentence reveals your stubborn and willful character.

For two people who are not good at expressing their love, a breakup is inevitable.

In the relationship that followed, your actual situation—having been divorced and in debt—led to a negative and pessimistic misconception of yourself. You were not confident in yourself and unable to open your heart and accept the other person. In terms of relationships, you insist on the perception that you will never take the initiative, so it is difficult to start a second relationship.

If you want to start again, you must change your overly generalized perception. For example, you believe that no man in the world is faithful after experiencing a failed marriage and being cheated on by a man. You must change this belief.

You said you've read books on relationships and tried to change yourself. You took the initiative, but when the other person didn't respond in time, you became anxious. Ask yourself what the cause of the anxiety is.

You need to identify your own automatic thinking and remind yourself to wake up to it. In relationships, it is most important to follow your heart.

Don't be artificial. Learn to share the little things in your life. If the other person is happy to share with you, including his life and work, then there's no problem with your relationship. I congratulate you.

I want to remind you one more thing: don't dwell on the mother-child attachment in your original family. It will flow and change during the growth process. It follows the laws of nature, so nothing stays the same. Everything develops and changes.

I wish you a happy love life!

I am the eternal flame, and I love you, the world, and everything in it.

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I've found that learning is the treasure of the body!

From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling a bit unsure, confused, worried, negative, and overwhelmed.

I totally get it. I won't go into the details of your worries about not being able to easily enter into a relationship, but I would like to give you three pieces of advice that I think could really help.

First, I suggest you try to accept your current situation, my friend.

I know it might sound a little strange, but I promise you it will help! It will make your heart feel a little lighter, which will help you think about what to do next.

You mentioned that your ex-boyfriend has avoidant attachment, and that you're not comfortable taking the initiative if he doesn't. You and he agreed to remain friends after the breakup, but he's not really cooperating. You've recently contacted a few guys, but you tend to be more of a passive type. You think that your divorce, external debt, and fear of trusting love again (because you've experienced being cheated on) might be related to your situation. In my opinion, if someone else were in your situation, they'd probably feel similarly negative, worried, and confused. It's natural to feel this way after being hurt. Having been married before and not having financial resources can also make people feel negative and pessimistic. It's also normal to worry that taking the initiative yourself will be seen as being pushy and overzealous because everyone is afraid of being misunderstood and embarrassed. It's important to accept your situation and recognize that part of you longs to be loved but is temporarily unwilling to take the initiative to contact others. This will free up your mind to think about other things, otherwise your mind will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

It's so important to give yourself the space to accept your current situation. This will help you to embrace change and see it as a natural part of life. It might seem a little strange, but it's true! Change is all about allowing for the unknown.

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take a moment to view your own state in a rational way.

Because when you think things through in a calm, rational way, it helps you understand yourself and the world around you better.

To help you see this in a more rational way, I'd like to suggest you try doing the following four things:

The first thing to remember is that loving someone means loving them for who they are.

In other words, if a guy loves you, he'll accept your marital history and debt problems because he loves you as a person. He'll see beyond the external things and see the wonderful person you are on the inside.

It's so important to focus on all the great things about yourself, rather than dwelling on the things you think you're lacking. We all have our own unique strengths and qualities, and you're no exception! The fact that you've sought out help shows that you're motivated and courageous. So, believe in yourself and know that you deserve to be loved. Your unique self is worthy of love, just as you are.

Secondly, remember that you're a different person now than you were before.

You mentioned in your description that you have been cheated on before, so you might be having a hard time believing in love again. But you're different now! As we often say, you learn from your mistakes. You've experienced being cheated on and have grown up. You have a stronger ability to identify the love you have for the other person.

Also, the guy you're seeing now is different from the one who cheated on you before. You've come so far! With your current experience and abilities, it is very possible for you to tell if the other person is sincere.

And the third thing you can do to tell if two people truly love each other is to look for these four characteristics:

Do you have a strong emotional bond? When you're together, does the other person really respond to you, or are they just talking to themselves? Are you the only special person in the other person's heart? Does the other person love you for who you are, or because you're useful to them?

Fourth, remember that love is something you have to actively express, not just wait for.

It's a common misconception that it's "normal" for a man to pursue a woman. In fact, love is born in an equal relationship, and a woman can also "pursue" a man. Love needs to be expressed, and action needs to be taken.

When you look at it this way, it can help to melt away all those negative feelings.

I really think you should focus on yourself and be brave in loving, because I know it'll help your mood improve.

When you take a step back and look at your situation with a cool head, you might even know what to do. At this point, you focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, if you consider the four characteristics I mentioned, it's likely that the other person really likes you and wants to be with you. But, because of their personality or because they're also worried that you don't really like them, they're not very proactive. In that case, you can take the initiative to declare your love. Only by taking such proactive actions will you be able to reap the rewards of love.

If the other person doesn't respond right away, it's okay! They might be busy, and that's totally fine. Even if they reject you, it doesn't mean you're not good or that you're not suitable for each other.

Love requires courage, and love also needs to be learned. Reading relevant books is a great way to learn, but you also need to learn to love in practice. This is because theoretical knowledge needs to be tested in practice before it can be internalized as your knowledge.

Also, you can look back on your past relationships to see what you could have done better, and then work on improving and enhancing them in a targeted way. This will help you to gradually improve your ability to love.

I also hope you can understand that true love is created by two real, independent people. You don't have to act childish, and you're the best you there ever was! You can do something to improve the situation.

As you start taking action, you'll find that all those negative feelings start to melt away. Sometimes, taking action is the best way to beat those negative emotions.

I really hope my answer helps! If you want to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach" at the bottom and I'll be in touch.

It's harder for men to woo women than the other way around. If a woman pursues a man, she's more likely to succeed. But some men are avoidant, others are not straight, and some don't want to play games. Why get into a relationship if you don't have money or a house?

Falling in love seems easy. But there's still the problem of confession. And being single has its own problems. So some people are afraid of marriage and love.

Who should I tell I love them on May 20th? Should I wait?

He avoids expressing himself.

♣ Uncooperative ex-boyfriend

Wait.

Cooperate.

You've been in touch with a few guys and have romantic thoughts about them. But they're not taking the initiative, and you're on your own.

Let yourself think about your hopes.

If you make the first move, think about what will happen if it doesn't work out.

A strong person doesn't care what others think.

No matter who makes the first move, there is always the possibility of being rejected. Sometimes we are so afraid of being rejected that we don't do anything. Love is not that simple.

You can pet cats and dogs, read books, play games on your phone. There are many wonderful things to do. Why must you fall in love? You can think about whether you want to start a family or fall in love for other reasons.

Waiting for a confession may be passive. Perhaps everyone is used to the woman being passive. You're divorced with debts, so you may have views on marriage and be afraid of marriage for ten years.

If you've been cheated on before, you might feel uncomfortable and unsure about declaring your love. You might worry that it would be painful and embarrassing if you were rejected.

If you seem too enthusiastic, don't mention the bride price or other benefits. It depends on your personality whether to be proactive or passive. Know your own thoughts and face your inner self. See a counselor to sort out your views on choosing a spouse. Good luck!

ZQ?