Life is so tiring, always consumed by internal waste, lack the ability and energy to change?

Your title seems more like a description of your current situation than a question.

From witnessing a loved one's suicide to fear of women, fear of physical contact, and then to the domestic violence that lasted for seven years, this is undoubtedly traumatic stress disorder, and there is a clear post-traumatic stress reaction.

This is not something that can be answered by anyone with questions. It requires therapy to improve.

Let's discuss how we can understand your situation differently or help you see yourself in a new light.

You can express yourself here, understand these things yourself, make some improvements yourself, and perceive these things yourself. It's the best you can do in such a difficult situation.

These are remarkable achievements for you.

You may think these changes are insignificant and don't make much of a difference in your life.

This is the best you can do after suffering those traumas.

You are not incapable of change. You have simply used up all your energy to make changes. Think about it. That is the case, isn't it?

For example, let's compare the various difficulties in life to large stones.

First of all, the weight of these stones is different for everyone.

Some people can remove a 50-pound stone with a little bending over. For others, it may be a 500-pound stone that is difficult to move.

Second, everyone has different abilities when it comes to removing these stones.

If someone has the strength and resources, they can move a stone that weighs 500 pounds with ease. If someone lacks these resources, they may only be able to shift the stone a little.

You are in that position now.

The energy of a past trauma leaves us lacking sufficient inner resources and strength to deal with external pressures and challenges.

What seems simple to others is extremely difficult for a trauma survivor.

Let me be clear: physical contact is the same thing as a stone in your heart.

Family members may ask, "Why does it bother you?" The truth is, most people don't know how to get along with a trauma survivor.

This state of mind requires professional help.

You feel that they cannot help you and do not understand your situation and inner feelings. This drains you.

You didn't have the strength to move the stones in the first place. Someone came to help, but they didn't know which direction you wanted to move them in. They all gathered and exerted their strength, but nothing changed. Everyone got tired. This is especially true for you.

You feel tired, exhausted, drained, and inadequate. Family members feel similar.

The idiom "the foolish old man who moved mountains" comes to mind when you think about the imagery of moving stones.

Moving a mountain requires the cooperation of the family and the efforts of several generations.

But for us, in the years to come, we must ask ourselves: is this really how we want to spend our lives, moving mountains and shifting stones?

The past is in the past. It may have left physical and emotional scars, but it is not the biggest problem for us in walking the path of the future.

The biggest problem is that it has already happened, but we can't let go. We keep carrying it around inside and we keep trying to remove the painful memories and feelings from our hearts. This is similar to the story of the foolish old man trying to move a mountain.

Those experiences were like big stones that blocked our original path to happiness. They are now in the past, and you have gone around them and gone a long way.

The stones are still in the past, but we've always known the difficulties and pain of removing them.

Every time we encounter a new stone in life, we must recognize that our feelings will remain similar to before. We will always feel that the stone is too big and our strength is too small.

The body and mind must always be on the path of growth.

Your growth in this situation is to let your mind catch up with your body.

You need to let your body rest. Get the sleep you need, eat when you're hungry, and do things you enjoy when you're awake. This will make you happier.

Rest your mind, leave the past behind, focus on the present, and reconnect with your body.

Not all stones in life need to be removed. Not all stones can be removed.

Take a detour if the stone is too big. Don't fight against those you can't move.

Don't waste your energy, ability, and vitality on stones that can't be moved.

You must put this energy, ability, and vitality into things that make you feel happier.

Hug the people you trust and are close to. Hold your children's hands more often.

For example, you don't have to pretend to your family that you've improved. It's exhausting, and you'll just end up expending energy moving the "rocks" if you try to bear the burden yourself. Seek professional help and leave the hard-to-move "rocks" to the professionals with the "excavation skills."

Finally, don't waste your precious awareness. Look around and make your living space more vibrant.

For example, grow flowers and grass, and transform those mountains you cannot move into a land of flowers and fruit. One day, you will realize that you are the Monkey King returning.

I am Bossir.

Hello, question asker. It's a pleasure to meet you. After reading your text several times, I feel that you have been living a challenging life, but you have been courageous and persistent.

Perhaps we can work together to find a solution.

First and foremost, please do not blame yourself. Your experiences as a child have undoubtedly played a significant role in your early maturation.

I will do my best to learn more about this and try to maintain my normal life.

It is understandable to feel tired and drained.

In your childhood, you were still a young child, and you witnessed a distressing scene. This is something we cannot control, and you have already endured a great deal as a result of these memories.

Subsequently, you endured domestic violence, which undoubtedly contributed to your accelerated maturation. You have the capacity to comprehend this aspect and effect positive changes in your life.

You have worked hard to maintain a normal life, and it is understandable that you might sometimes find yourself thinking about being a child again, doing nothing and escaping from it all.

"Some people use their childhood to heal their whole life, while others use their whole life to heal their childhood." It seems that you may have lacked love and warmth in your childhood, and I can hear your inner voice yearning for a stable and warm life. Perhaps we could say that the past is the past, and the future we decide upon is now.

Now that we have grown up, it would be beneficial for us to maintain a sense of optimism and continue striving for positive experiences in life. Would you agree?

I can sense the challenges you're facing, and I appreciate your ability to care for and understand your family, even when they may not fully comprehend your situation. It's understandable that you may feel tired and unable to express your feelings to them verbally. They have high expectations and demands, and they're hoping for your recovery.

While I care about you, I must admit that I'm having trouble understanding your troubles. It seems there is no sense of intimacy, nor any desire to confide in you. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to examine your own heart. Do you have any dreams or hobbies that you want to achieve?

Could the internal friction be caused by idle musings? Perhaps you could consider making a plan for yourself. I feel that you are a person with ideas, and that bringing your strengths to bear could potentially bring unexpected gains to life.

If you are experiencing severe insomnia or depression, you may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a qualified professional, such as a doctor or psychologist. Let's work together to improve your well-being and avoid the pitfalls of idle speculation.

With spring here and the world so big and beautiful, I encourage you to work hard and wait for the pandemic to pass. Then, let's go out and explore together.

It is possible to perceive the strength and understanding of the questioner between the lines. There is reason to believe that the future will be promising when we work together.

I hope the world and I can show you some love.

Dear Questioner, I hope this message finds you well. I would like to extend my support and encouragement to you in the form of a virtual hug. Best regards, [Name]

I am Sunshine, and I am grateful for the opportunity to connect with you. Reading your words, I am able to visualize your face.

• I am deeply affected by the questioner's narrative. I empathize with their situation and recognize the significant trauma they have endured. It is as if I can see the image of a young heart personally experiencing the extreme trauma caused by murder and suffering domestic violence for seven years.

It is clear that this is a challenging situation for the questioner. It is impressive that they have managed to survive it thus far.

It is noteworthy that you have retained a clear sense of self and have sought assistance from this psychological platform. Your strength and willingness to make an effort to change are commendable.

I would like to take this opportunity to share my reflections and thoughts on this matter, with the aim of providing some positive and helpful inspiration and reference for the questioner.

It is my hope that the questioner will be able to gradually stop feeling that life is too exhausting and will be able to find a way of living that is less exhausting.

First, let's review the specific situation described by the questioner and analyze it.

Due to a traumatic experience during her childhood, the questioner has developed a fear of women. In severe cases, even simple physical contact (e.g., shaking hands, patting on the shoulder) can cause discomfort for an extended period.

—— Due to the questioner's experience of a significant traumatic event, they have exhibited symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These include a fear of women and an inability to tolerate physical contact. It is also possible that other forms of trauma may have contributed to this condition.

After reaching adulthood, I came to recognize the differences between my mentality and that of my peers. This led to feelings of fear and even abandonment. However, due to a series of uncontrollable factors, I experienced domestic violence for seven years.

—— ② The individual was subjected to domestic violence for a period of seven years, which has resulted in psychological trauma and a fear of abandonment.

I was able to recognize my abnormality and began to learn about it, which did indeed produce change. However, it only superficially maintained normality, and I still feel tired from life. There are always some immature thoughts, but my childhood experiences tell me that they would cause unimaginable harm to my loved ones. My own abnormality has also caused some trouble for my family. Despite reassurances from my family that they care about me and consider me troubled, I still feel the need to maintain a sense of distance.

Despite my best efforts, I have been unable to establish a sense of intimacy. I promised my family that I would not engage in any immature behavior, yet I find myself facing an exhausting daily routine.

Question 3: Do you perceive a discrepancy between your identity and that of other individuals? Despite your efforts to implement changes, you have not yet achieved a sense of belonging within your family. Additionally, do you feel that your daily life is excessively exhausting and mentally draining?

Could this be attributed to a discrepancy between our expectations and the reality on the ground? Or is it a consequence of a lack of complete consensus between us and our family?

As a result, the questioner has experienced a significant decline in energy and motivation. Over time, they have expressed a growing sense of discontent with their current situation.

Energy is expended on internal conflicts, yet the individual must maintain the pretense of improvement, despite the lack thereof. This lifestyle often results in insomnia and depression. Despite awareness of these issues, the individual lacks the capacity or energy to implement change.

—— Are you, the questioner, pretending to be "getting better"? Are you repressing your true thoughts?

Are you concerned that your family will be concerned? Or is there something that prevents you from expressing your true thoughts?

It is possible that there is something the questioner is reluctant to discuss. When we are unable to be fully ourselves, it may be that we are repressing our feelings and emotions.

The result is that we feel overburdened and fatigued. After all, individuals have limited energy, and if it's all consumed in a "depressed" state of mind, there is no remaining energy to attempt change.

Please advise.

In light of the aforementioned circumstances, we propose the following course of action:

Firstly, it is important to accept all the trauma/injury that has been experienced and to gain a full understanding of the situation.

1. It is a fact that everyone will experience some kind of trauma at some point in their lifetime. Despite our best efforts, life will always present us with unexpected challenges, which are an inherent part of the human experience.

As the adage goes, "Life is full of disappointments."

2. The "major traumatic event" that the questioner personally experienced as a child has become an objective fact that cannot be changed. However, it may be possible to adjust our response posture/perception to encompass more than just "traumatic" events.

3. When faced with unpredictable and major stressful events, the overwhelming majority of people initially experience fear, worry, and anxiety. However, after a period of time, these emotions give way to three coping attitudes:

One response is to be overwhelmed by such stimuli and remain in a state of negative emotional experience, such as fear and anxiety, for an extended period.

One common response is a desire to return to a previous point in time, to avoid confronting the reality of past events, and to disassociate from the trauma.

Another option is to directly experience the trauma and use it as a catalyst for personal growth. This involves confronting the trauma head-on, demonstrating courage, and ultimately fostering the development of a more resilient and empowered self.

It is evident that the first two options, while not the optimal outcomes, are the most straightforward. Facing and accepting the pain caused by trauma is often more challenging than the trauma itself.

Therefore, the majority of us have unconsciously selected the first two options. Those who have genuinely chosen the third may undoubtedly become successful, as evidenced by the original poster's previous attempts at change.

Secondly, we can explore a variety of avenues for improvement, including self-learning and adjustment.

1. As indicated in the questioner's description, he has been making commendable efforts to implement positive changes. He has already demonstrated positive self-awareness and understanding, which have initiated change. However, it is evident that the process is still underway. It is noteworthy that the questioner's inner self-strength is a valuable and rare asset.

2. It should be noted that often when we encounter an insurmountable "gulf," guidance from others is often required. For example, the Yixinli platform has many experienced psychological counselors who can assist with "trauma healing." The first step is to become aware, and then to identify the underlying root causes of the current situation and their impact on the individual.

3. Another avenue for change is through self-learning, which may be a more gradual process, but with sustained effort, it is possible to achieve positive transformation. The Yixinli platform offers a specialized course on "Healing the Inner Child," led by Shi Qijia, along with curated articles on "Trauma Healing" and the meaning of life.

I recommend the following books for the questioner to read: Why Does Family Hurt?, Dialogue with the Inner Child, Awakening the Tiger: Activating the Instinct of Self-Healing, Confronting the Fear Within, A Change of Heart, and so on.

4. It is important to note that we all require ongoing growth and development throughout our lives. In response to the questioner's observation regarding a lack of energy for growth, we can also initiate a discussion on the meaning and purpose of our existence.

This is to confirm my understanding and response to the question posed by the questioner. I hope it proves useful to you in some way.

Thank you for your interest in our product.

I am a person of high integrity, optimistic outlook, and global perspective. I am grateful for your consideration.

Hello! When I saw you mention the clip about suicide, I felt a sense of emptiness in my mind in addition to pain. I think that kind of scene was a deep trauma for you, but you're going to be okay!

So when you say that you will be different from others, it fills me with curiosity. I'd love to know more about what your inner world is really like! I bet it's pretty fascinating.

Let me try to help with some initial understanding from some perspectives:

1-I can see that your emotions are full of fear, and I'm excited to help you work through this! I'm not sure if you've experienced physical and verbal trauma in the violence you mentioned, but I'm ready to help you heal from it. I'm curious if there is still guilt, shame, and a sense of social morality that you have to obey inside you. Let's dive in and explore together!

2-You mentioned twice that you are different from others, or abnormal. If I try to look at it from another perspective, I can see that it is not necessarily abnormal, but it seems to be untrue.

Perhaps for you, this "abnormality" is precisely what makes you original! It's just not "normal" according to social mores and family discipline.

3-It may be frustrating when it seems like family members don't really empathize with you. But if we are in a safe and loving relationship, we absolutely have the opportunity to boldly express our needs!

Or maybe someone can give you a sense of security so that you can freely talk about your tiredness, weariness, and depletion in an environment where you can enjoy being listened to!

I truly believe that when you start expressing yourself freely, you'll see amazing changes! Thank you so much for meeting with me.