Living cautiously at my stepmother's house, fearing rejection, how to relax?

Hello, question asker, let me offer you a warm hug first if you'd like.

From your question, I can see that by describing it in words, I can gain insight into the state of mind of the questioner at the moment. It seems that the questioner also has a good awareness of herself, which is a positive first step. I would like to refer you to the following resources for further guidance:

1. Summary: The questioner lives with her stepmother in a cautious manner, paying attention to detail in many things, and is fearful of being disliked and feels that her life is very tense.

It is understandable that the family situation described by the questioner is challenging. Parents leaving or re-forming a family is a difficult transition for all involved. While we respect their choices, it is natural to feel a sense of being "abandoned." This can lead to feeling constrained at one's stepmother's house, doing things carefully. Subconsciously, there may be a fear of being "abandoned" again. It is understandable to feel like a guest in someone else's house, which can lead to taking things in a cautious, deliberate manner. This can, however, result in a sense of exhaustion.

It's important to remember that getting along with anyone, including stepmothers, takes time. It's natural to take a period of adjustment to understand a stepmother's temperament or hobbies. This isn't about pleasing her, but rather finding ways to communicate and integrate into the family. It's reassuring to see that you're not rejecting the stepmother and are genuinely interested in doing a good job.

In our eyes, you have done a commendable job. It is important to recognize that suppressing oneself for an extended period can have adverse effects on our physical and mental well-being. Frequently, we tend to prioritize the well-being of others, which is admirable. However, it is also crucial to prioritize our own emotional and mental health. By nurturing our hearts and embracing our inner strength, we can foster a more loving and compassionate relationship with ourselves and others.

If the original poster has trouble communicating face-to-face, they might consider writing a letter to their stepmother. This could be an opportunity to express their gratitude for her care, share their thoughts and feelings, and demonstrate their love and appreciation. Afterwards, they could also mention their current situation, allowing their stepmother to offer guidance on how they can improve their relationship. I'm sure she'll be happy to do so.

You seem to be a child who has high expectations of yourself, so perhaps it would be helpful to consider being a little less demanding. We can change the perspective on these seemingly trivial matters in our normal lives, and do them for ourselves, not to show off for others. For example, if we quickly pick up the hair on the floor, it shows that we are more concerned about environmental hygiene. If we take a nap, it is for better rest and better learning. If we wash the dishes ourselves, it means that we have grown up and can do things within our abilities to share the housework at home. If the toilet is not flushed clean, it shows that we are very concerned about details and pay attention to environmental hygiene, and it is not that we don't want to be around us anymore because we are afraid of being rejected.

We can continue to be mindful of our concerns. If this were to occur, what would be the most unfavorable outcome?

Could we perhaps find a way to solve this problem? What are we afraid of, and how might this matter trouble me?

For instance, I am concerned that my stepmother may not approve of me. If this proves to be the case, the most unfortunate outcome might be that they no longer want me in their lives. I may not be able to resolve this issue. This could make me feel quite helpless. I might end up feeling like a child without the love and support of a family, and I would likely experience feelings of depression and anxiety, worrying constantly that they will reject me at any moment. This distress would likely persist until I am able to find a solution. The questioner can simply be aware of their true feelings and see if they feel better.

It is the responsibility and obligation of parents to care for their children. We must accept this and face it in a normal way. We do not have to feel completely guilty. It is enough that we know how to be grateful. In the future, there are many ways for us to repay their gratitude, such as studying hard to improve ourselves and make achievements in the future, and they will be proud of us. Instead of living every day cautiously and getting caught up in our own emotional depletion,

Perhaps we should consider that our ideas may not be limited by our thoughts. It's possible that the answer is different from what we initially thought. By approaching it with a positive mindset and seeking the solution, we might find the right answer. I have confidence in your ability to do a good job.

It is my sincere hope that the above will prove inspiring and beneficial to you. I eagerly anticipate the opportunity to meet a better version of yourself, and I am confident that the world will embrace you with us.

? Exchange hearts for hearts.

Your thinking is actually a form of self-protection. You're afraid of being hurt, so you've been protecting yourself with external forms.

From this perspective, there's always a gap between you and your stepmother. This gap comes from within, so you still have to change from within. External forms won't solve the problem.

Some mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have great relationships. They're close and have no secrets. How did they achieve this? When hearts are close, everything is close.

It's important to get along with your stepmother. Even though she's not your biological mother and you're not related by blood, you can still show her love. If you care about her, respect her, and love her, she'll feel it, and she'll be able to give her heart to you.

When you're honest with each other, your outward appearance doesn't matter as much. At least, you don't have to act like you're something you're not.

Don't judge others based on your own standards.

You think that if you don't do well, people will hate you and reject you. These are just your perceptions and feelings, though, and they don't reflect your stepmother's views.

If you want to understand what your stepmother really wants and make her happy, you have to let go of your prejudices and pretensions and really get to know her.

In short, be honest, open, and tolerant of others, and everything will go well.

I'm confident you can handle it!

Wishing you the best!